Bartcop Entertainment - Wednesday, 23 April, 2003

Wednesday

23 April, 2003

big hammer - bigger hammer

(Updated Daily)

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Issue #51

Disinfotainment Today

By Michael Dare


"Peacemongers 'r' Us"

 
Issue #51
is brought to you by
 
 

Fan Mail

 
You are an idiot.
- Stephen Oates -
 
    You can stuff that left wing anti-American garbage up your ass. As far as the picture of the stupid bitch goes, it sure as hell would have happened under Mussolini, even more so under Hitler. All you anti-Semitic assholes should read your history books. Neville, "Peace In Our Time" Chamberlain should have been hung by the balls. As far as the French, those pussies could have stopped Hitler cold, if they challenged him when he crossed the Rhine. But hey, it was only 6 million Jews gassed, shot at mass execution sites, enslaved, starved to death and killed by disease in those well appointed "work camps".
    Charles DeGaulle's stroll down the Champs Elysee` after the liberation of Paris in 1945 wasn't made possible by the French Resistance, it was through the sacrifice and deaths of tens of thousands of Americans.
    Where are your protesters when Jewish children, students and civilians are being murdered by suicide bombers too cowardly to pick up a rifle and face a military adversary. By the way, their families were rewarded by good old Saddam for their "sacrifice".
    Where were the protesters when Saddam was gassing thousands of women, children and elderly Iraqi citizens.
    Saddam's main interest was to dominate the entire Middle East, and foremost the annihilation of Israel, with weapons of mass destruction. If George Bush didn't take the initiative to get rid of this murdering maniac, we would no doubt have had a nuclear war to contend with in the future. Of course, there would still be that element willing to roll over and try to undermine those who would try to stop a psychotic mass murderer.
    Where were the protesters when Bill Clinton was bombing an aspirin factory to distract attention from his "non-adulterous" shenanigans in the Oval Office.
    Which points to a conclusion: the protesters aren't about anti-war they're about ant-Semitism and anti-Bush.
    Head-up-their-ass Clinton supporters.
    Yes, those moral Clinton die-hards who feel it's okay for their teen age daughters to be giving blow jobs to men old enough to be their fathers as long as they're Democrats who wield some power.
- mi.ro -
 
You're not quite the ass that [Tim] Robbins is, I don't think it's possible for two people to be so out of touch with reality simultaneously. The whiny little MILLIONAIRE feels bad that maybe the HUGE MAJORITY of Americans don't want to hear his misguided views on world affairs. He's an ACTOR, not a politician, if he wants to be a political voice in this country, let him run for office and the people will decide. In the meantime I'll pass on his product, just as I did when I disagreed with the South African Gov't, and let him know, in the best way I can, that I disagree with him.
- Kevin -
 
The similarities between this stupidity and the McCarthy hearings is astonishing. At first I was intrigued that I would get to live through something like this, now I am soiling my pants.
- Rvaisman -
 

New Al Jazeera Video Shows Saddam

Playing Golf With Sons
U.S. questions date, authenticity
- Ironic Times -
 

Rewrite of the Week

 
The winning entry from the Washington Post Style Invitational contest that asked readers to submit "instructions" written in the style of a famous person - like W. Shakespeare, who's birth and death we celebrate this week:
 
Ye Olde Hokey Pokey
by Jeff Brechlin
 
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.
 

Rock 'n' Roll Quote of the Week

 
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
- The Who -
 

Videos of the Week

 
The world's greatest kitten band returns with a song by Elbow.
 
A Day in the War as seen on CNN.
 

Poster of the Week

ANTI-WAR.US is dedicated to the free distribution of anti-war graphic material.
All materials on this site are created voluntarily and distributed free to activists around the world.
 

And They Say Radiation is a BAD Thing

 
Worms contaminated by radioactivity from the Chernobyl nuclear accident have started having sex with each other instead of on their own.
 

Excuse U.S. Soldier Will Use When Charged with War Crimes

 
"I was only following orders."
 

Excuse George W. Bush Will Use When Charged with War Crimes

 
"I was only giving orders."
 

Major War Justification Story

(that has mysteriously only appeared in a Singapore newspaper)
 
The Marines found 123 prisoners, including five women, barely alive in an underground warren of cells and torture chambers.
 

Blow Me

 
Monica Lewinsky has a television show.

Staged Event of the Week

 
Why was there all that looting and plundering? U.S. troops encouraged it for the photo op.
 
The rescue of Private Jessica Lynch, which inspired America during one of the most difficult periods of the war, was not the heroic Hollywood story told by the U.S. military, but a staged operation that terrified patients and victimized the doctors who had struggled to save her life.
 

Tourist Spot of the Week

The Ossuary in Sedlec - Kutna Hora, chapel made of human bones.
 

I Feel So Much Safer Now

 
Nuala O'Connor Kelly, currently the privacy officer and chief counsel for the Department of Commerce's Technology Administration, has been named the nation's first privacy czar at the new Department of Homeland Security (DHS). Prior to joining the government, she was the privacy officer for online ad firm DoubleClick. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) investigated the company over complaints that DoubleClick was violating the privacy rights of Internet users by improperly sharing personal user data. Class action suits followed the FTC probe.
 
The California Court of Appeals has overturned the marijuana convictions of two persons arrested after a California Highway Patrol officer stopped and searched their vehicle because they looked like hippies.
 
"Fox News has reported that an empty plastic bucket has been found in the Iraqi desert. 'The five gallon bucket could be used to mix chemicals,' a source close to Fox News said. 'This bucket may be a key find in the hunt for Weapons of Mass Destruction. You can definitely mix stuff in one of these.'"
- Fox News -
 
Scientists who study AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases say they have been warned by federal health officials not to use the phrases "sex workers," "men who sleep with men," "anal sex" or "needle exchange" if they want to get federal grants.
 
Mother Theresa predicted SARS.
 
Pentagon officials announced they do not plan to determine how many Iraqi civilians were killed in fighting during the war. (I'll save them the trouble. Civilian death now number around 2,000.)
 
At least 10 people were shot dead and several wounded in Mosul when US troops opened fire on a crowd after it turned against an American-installed local governor.
 
Allied troops now control all of Iraq's weapons of mass destruction oil fields.
 
The FBI wants to get its hands on your DNA.
 
Oh boy, you can chomp down your freedom fries and sign this petition to return the Statue of Liberty to France.
 
Journalists critical of the U.S. have been banned from meeting with the U.S. Civil Military Operations Center, or with other international journalists working out of the Palestine Hotel in Baghdad.
 
The enemy doesn't need Geraldo Rivera to provide troop information, it's being supplied by the U.S. Navy.
 
Iraq is about to be invaded by thousands of U.S. evangelical missionaries who say they are bent on a "spiritual warfare" campaign to convert the country's Muslims to Christianity.
 
The Bush administration awarded the Bechtel Group the first major contract in a vast reconstruction plan for Iraq that assigns no position of authority to the United Nations or Europe. The contract will initially pay Bechtel, a closely held San Francisco company that posted $11.6 billion in revenue last year, $34.6 million and could go up to $680 million over 18 months. They have a long history of doing business in Iraq, including an unsuccessful pipeline deal that at one point involved a meeting between Donald H. Rumsfeld and Saddam Hussein.
 
Microsoft has a research project the goal of which is to collect everything you watch, read, listen to, and write about into a single, searchable database.
 
Bush has hired upright citizens to lead Iraq.
 
Afghanistan still has no new constitution, no new laws and no food.
 
The U.S. says it has no plans to remove the debris left over from depleted uranium weapons it is using in Iraq.
 
Economic slump? Not if you're a CEO.
 
More than 570,000 children nationwide could be eliminated from eligibility for after-school programs if the federal budget proposed by President Bush is adopted by Congress.
 
US forces tried to stop the media from covering a third day of anti-American protests by Iraqis outside a hotel housing a US operations base. ("The suggestion that the US would have deliberately attacked journalists is obviously completely false. You'd have to be an idiot to believe that." - Dick Cheney - )
 

Cartoon of the Week

 

Animation of the Week

 
The fun of looting.
 

The Other Side

 
Rachel Lucas is a 30-year-old gun-totin' capitalist oppressor college student who is vehemently pro-war, but I like her anyway.
 

Calling All Artists

 
This site lists art contests & competitions, art scholarships & grants, juried exhibitions, art jobs & internships, call for entries/proposals/papers, writing & photo contests, residencies, design & architecture competitions, auditions, casting calls, fellowships, festivals, funding, and other opportunities (including some that take place on the web) for artists, art educators and art students of all ages.
 

For Sale

 
GOLDEN HARP, 3000 B.C.GIVE OR TAKE
 
This beautiful, ancient relic was found sitting on a devastated street corner in Baghdad and could find itself in your home, if you're the top bidder. I am not the original owner. My name is Mister X. Make money order out to Cash and send to the post office box below.
 
- Brad Schreiber
 

Best Excuse for Iraqis to Shoot Brandi in the Head

 

Censored Poet of the Week

 
Bill Nevins was suspended from his teaching job at Rio Rancho New Mexico public high school. Reading out loud of ALL POEMS has been banned by the school principal.  Why? Because a student read aloud the following poem.
 
Revolution X
by Courtney Butler
 
Bush said no child would be left behind
And yet kids from inner-city schools
Work on Central Avenue
Jingling cans that read
Please sir, may I have some more?
They hand out diplomas like toilet paper
And lower school standards
Because
Underpaid, unrespected teachers
Are afraid of losing their jobs
Funded by the standardized tests
That shows our competency
When I'm in detox.
This is the Land of the Free ...
Where the statute of limitations for rape is only five damn years!
And immigrants can't run for President.
Where Muslims are hunted because
Some suicidal men decided they didn't like
Our arrogant bid for modern imperialism.
This is the Land of the Free ...
You drive by a car whose
Bumper screams
God bless America!
Well, you can scratch out the B
And make it Godless
Because God left this country a long time ago.
The founding fathers made this nation
On a dream and now
Freedom of Speech
Lets Nazis burn crosses, but
Calls police to
Gay pride parades.
We somehow
Can afford war with Iraq
But we can't afford to pay the teachers
Who educate the young who hold the guns
Against the "Axis of Evil"
Land of the Free ...
This is the land
If you're politically assertive
They call you a traitor and
Damn you to ostracism.
Say good-bye to Johnny Walker Lindh
And his family.
Bye Bye.
American Pie.
So maybe
My ideas about this nation
Don't resolve around perfection
But at least I know
Education is more important
Than money.
Land of the Free . . .
If this was utopia
We'd have to see each other naked
Before we got married
But instead, we see each other naked all the time
Because the government has my social security number
And the name of my dog!
And then we make babies,
But don't worry, they won't be left behind
And they grow up saying
God bless America!
But they don't know who Bush is
Because they never learned the Presidents.
And they will ride the ship Amistad
To our dreamland shores
Bearing the same shackles as us.
I'm here to say that
Generation X
Is pissed and we are taking over,
Ripping down the American illusion of perfection
We are the future generation
I have my qualifications
I know it looks like Angel Soft paper,
But don't worry
It's a diploma
Do I look qualified?
You can take our toilet paper,
But you can't take our Revolution.
 

War Profiteer of the Week

Yee Haaa, get yerself some Anti-Ben and Jerry's Ice cream
 

Don't Take My Word For It

 
"Saddam Hussein's greatest crime is that he brought the American army to Iraq."
Gailan Ramiz: Iraqi citizen -
 
"No hawk has asked me whether an America willing to resort to discretionary war could trigger a new worldwide arms race. We've just demonstrated technological wizardry capable of delivering a cruise missile or 'bunker buster' bomb into any bedroom in Moscow, Beijing, Damascus, Tehran, the West Bank -- even Havana. The pressure can only intensify to either match U.S. technology, deter it with nuclear brinksmanship (as the North Koreans are attempting) or challenge it with low-tech, anti-civilian strategies like suicide bombings."
- Robert Steinback: A dissenter looks at war's consequences -
 
"I've been all the way through this desert from Basra to here and I ain't seen one shopping mall or fast food restaurant. These people got nothing. Even in a little town like ours of twenty five hundred people you got a McDonald's at one end and a Hardees at the other."
- Sgt. Michael Sprague of While Sulphur Springs, W. Va. -
 
"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do."
- Dylan Thomas -
 
"Dozens of corpses lay rotting by roadsides or in cars blown up by U.S. forces as they captured Baghdad."
- David Fox: Reuters -
 
"Why should we hear about body bags and deaths. Oh, I mean, it's not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?"
- Barbara Bush -
 
"For lack of a beautiful mind, I agree with the Iraqi man who told a U.S. Marine, 'I'm going to exercise my right of free speech for the first time in my life - we want you out of here as soon a possible.'"
- Joyce Marcel: For Lack of a Beautiful Mind -
 
"The fall of Baghdad was so sudden that it left many of the Arab and Muslim volunteers who went to Iraq to fight the coalition forces in total disarray. Initially given weapons and uniforms, thousands of these volunteers - who came from Yemen, Egypt, Syria, Indonesia, Malaysia and elsewhere - wound up having no one to tell them what to do."
- Baghdad Did Not Fall - It Was Handed Over -
 
"It would seem more preparation was made by the coalition to protect oil wells than to protect hospitals or water plants."
-  Irene Khan: secretary-general of Amnesty International -
 
"In times of war, the temptation for people to wrap themselves in the flag and then forget the principles for which it stands is overwhelming."
Donna Lieberman: executive director of the New York Civil Liberties Union -
 
"'The entire morning, everyone who had tried to cross the road had been shot... After 45 minutes, the first Baghdad citizens dared to come out. Arab interpreters in the tanks told the people to go and take what they wanted in the building. The word spread quickly and the building was ransacked. I was standing only 300 yards from there when the guards were murdered. Afterwards the tank crushed the entrance to the Justice Department, which was in a neighboring building, and the plundering continued there. I stood in a large crowd and watched this together with them. They did not partake in the plundering but dared not to interfere. Many had tears of shame in their eyes.' 'Are you saying that it was US troops who initiated the plundering?' 'Absolutely. The lack of jubilant scenes meant that the American troops needed pictures of Iraqis who in different ways demonstrated hatred for Saddam's regime.'"
- Ole Rothenborg: US Troops Encouraged Ransacking -
 
"Aunt Polly allowed how she was going to civilize me. I've been that route before, so I lit out for the territory."
- Huckleberry Finn -
 
"In support of our brothers in Iraq, a bunch of drunk guys from Jersey tore down the statue at their local Big Boy!"
- Steven Alan Green -
 
"Since the beginning of the year, America has had its reconstruction plan in place. Answering directly to Centcom commander General Tommy Franks, retired Lt. Gen. Jay Garner will be in command of the reconstruction effort. He will be aided by a series of military hardmen, diplomats and Republican party place-men who will help the United States create 'Free Iraq' -- aided by exiles who are returning to get their share of the spoils."
- Neil Mackay: Carving Up The New Iraq -
 
    "US account: US officials say the driver of the car failed to stop after warning shots were fired over the car and then at its engine. Soldiers fired at the passenger cabin "as a last resort". US soldiers at checkpoints were said to be jumpy after a suicide attack at a checkpoint had killed four servicemen. Pentagon officials insist that the correct procedures were followed, and that soldiers had acted in 'the appropriate way.'
    Other reports: William Branigin, a reporter with the Washington Post embedded with the US Third Infantry, witnesses the shooting and has a different account. He says that 10 people were killed, and no warning shots were fired. He reports that after the shooting Captain Ronny Johnson, the commander at the checkpoint, yelled at his platoon commander: 'You just [expletive] killed a family because you didn't fire a warning shot soon enough!' US forces, according to William Branigin, offered the survivors of the incident financial compensation."
- BBC
 
"I know the Americans said their war was with Saddam and not the Iraqi people, but this is now inside our hearts and will never leave. Each day when I come here, I have the same thought, everyone says the same thing. There is no other reaction. We hate the Americans.
- Al Aadhamiy inspecting the 1,020 year old tomb of Imam al Nawman riddled with bullet holes -
 
"Shall any prisoner of war be in the midst of PMS, chocolate will be provided. It is also in the best interest of the guard of said POW to provide ice cream and tissues for when said POW gets all weepy."
- Lynette Sheffield: The Geneva Convention Revisited

    "I lost 10 of my family. I once lived in that house with six other relatives, now I am alone. Just before the invasion started much of my family came to stay in my home, it being made of reinforced concrete and very strong. There was my doctor son, my daughter - a microbiologist and her three sons. My other daughter is a medical consultant and she came with her infants. We all slept in a very safe place at the back of the house, my bed was just a few meters away from the rest. Several rockets had already fallen on a club across the road from my home, five days before my catastrophe.
    "Two days before, the Mukhabarat, the secret police building, was hit. We escaped without injury, though all our windows were destroyed. On 5 April at 5.30 am, a plane dropped a rocket on the main road. We all woke up. Just five minutes after we had returned to bed, the plane returned and dived very sharply, firing its rockets. They fell just at the back of the house where we were. The three walls of the room fell on many of my family killing them instantly. I went to the room and saw them all covered with the bricks and concrete that had fallen.
    "There were 13 in that room. I somehow managed to save one of my daughters, together with her son aged five and her six-month-old infant. Her third child was killed sleeping beside his grandmother, my wife. Despite my enormous efforts, I was unable to remove the things piled up on their bodies. My daughter-in-law went into the street shouting for help, but it was early and it was completely deserted. We had to wait for the ambulances to come to remove them, but they were all dead.
    "I gave the kiss of life to three as they were removed, but I could not restore their lives. They were under that heap for such a long while. If they had been buried for just a few minutes, they could have survived. But it was half an hour.
    "While I was busy removing my family and in such great shock and sorrow, people looted my house. They stole two cases, one containing all our jewelry and $25,000, the other containing new clothes I had just brought back from Manchester, where my two sons live as British citizens.
    "The coalition has now created an excuse that they were firing on a house adjacent to mine and that Ali Hassan, known to many as Chemical Ali, was inside. They attacked us just one day before Basra fell. They could have caught this man, not tried to kill him. Was it necessary to kill 20 people in our street for the sake of one bastard?
    "We were hoping the coalition would come to Iraq, but not to kill us. We are not the army, we don't live in an army base. I have spent my life away from politics. I have never interfered with Saddam and he has left me alone to live with my family, bring up my children and educate them. Now the coalition has killed a family of highly qualified people, irreplaceable people for Iraq. The coalition has got what it wanted, it has liberated the country. But as far as I am concerned, my loss is too great to accept."
- Abid Hassan Hamoodi: 72-year-old Iraqi citizen -
 
"God, no. What the hell are we fighting for?"
- Winston Churchill upon being asked whether England's arts budget should be cut to help fund World War II -
 
"Absolute power corrupted the Caliphs. It corrupts the rulers of theocracies in the world today. The very thought of it corrupts anybody who imagines himself to be the hand of God, and when his own hands hold the levers of enormous power over human affairs, one may say that the outlook is grim. Such a person will become willful not only in matters of religious doctrine but in all matters, since any act of his is presumably God's pleasure. Having once decided to take his country to war, he'll mentally drift among theories of motivation believing that God is moving through him in some mysterious way and that any such thing as a reason must be divined from the possible outcomes. The same certitude can make him insensitive to the patent debasement of his authority, as when the leader of a democracy moves with bland unconcern to crush ordinary people to the ground and deliver the last morsel of their economic security to the rich."
- Cassandra Notes: The Mohammedan Candidate -
 
"The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread."
 - Anatole France -
 
"Let me get this straight: Soldiers who are right now in the line of fire -- basically thousands and thousands of poor, undereducated young kids, baffled, stunned, patriotically misled -- praying for you and the success of your corporate regime? And not the other way around? Jesus has two words for you, Dubya: Step off."
- Mark MorfordA Prayer For George Dubya - What might the universe have to say to Shrub right now? Hint: It ain't exactly fan mail -
 
"It is not difficult to imagine how the case for the prosecution against the coalition might be constructed. An indictment would have three main elements. In the first place, Britain and the US have waged an illegal war, without the sanction of a UN resolution (in itself of dubious legality when it comes to a war launched in violation of the UN charter and fought on this scale). Any argument that Saddam's failure to disarm fast enough justified the invasion of his state, the destruction of Iraq's major cities and the killing of thousands of Iraqis fails on the legal concept of proportionality. In British law, a householder may not cut an intruder to shreds with an ax on suspicion of burglary; if he does so, he becomes the object of prosecution. The suspected - but as yet unproven - violations of disarmament resolutions should not justify in international law the massive destruction and dislocation of the entire Iraqi state."
- Richard Overy: Coalition in the Dock -
 
"Martyrs are being created by the pre-emptive war against Iraq, martyrs whom some radicals in the Muslim world will want to avenge through terrorist attacks. So it's almost predictable that the Bush administration will lose the war on terrorism because it has discounted the force of religion in the motive for terror."
- Susan B. Thistlethwaite: president of Chicago Theological Seminary -
 
"There is usually a division of labor in doing and rationalizing the unthinkable, with the direct brutalizing and killing done by one set of individuals ... others working on improving technology (a better  crematory gas, a longer burning and more adhesive napalm, bomb fragments that penetrate flesh in hard-to-trace patterns). It is the function of the experts, and the mainstream media, to normalize the unthinkable for the general public."
Edward Herman -
 
"So instead of loving what you think is peace, love other [people] and love God above all. And instead of hating the people you think are warmakers, hate the appetites and the disorder in your own soul, which are the causes of war. If you love peace, then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed - but hate these things in yourself, not in another."
- Thomas Merton: New Seeds of Contemplation -
 
"Now that Sheriff W. has driven that varmint out of Iraq for mistreating citizens, how long will it take for him to (equally democratically) sort out Comrade Robert in Zimbabwe who is guilty of all the same crimes against his citizens? Zimbabwe may not have much oil (and a lot of it is wasted by poorly maintained diesel vehicles!) but it has a lot of tobacco. It also has a network of highways built for the pre-independence military, so invasion will be a piece of cake. Would tobacco (and righteousness?) be enough of a prize to entice the sheriff to round up a posse to go and impose some democracy on people who don't know the American way?"
- Nigel Mander -
 
"Man is the only Patriot. He sets himself apart in his own country,under his own flag, and sneers at other nations, and keeps multitudinous uniformed assassins on hand at heavy expense to grab slices of other people's countries."
- Mark Twain: Letters from the Earth -
 
"When a man plants a shade tree under which he will never sit, we have arrived at civilization."
- Ancient Greek expression -
 
"And now there is talk that western collectors want the US to OK the sale of looted Iraqi antiquities on the open market, countermanding Iraq's strict antiquities laws. William Pealstein of the official-sounding but recently formed American Council for Cultural Policy described Iraq's laws as "retentionist." Considering how quickly there are fake groups and absurd new lingo to sanitize the plunder of Iraq, it now seems very possible that all the damage that has been done wasn't just the result of impulsive mobs."
- Barry Crimmins -
 
"The big elephant sitting in the corner is that George W. Bush is simply unqualified for the job... What's his accomplishment? That he's no longer an obnoxious drunk?"
- Ronald Reagan Jr. -
 
"If I don't know I don't know, I think I know. If I don't know I know, I think I don't know."
- R.D. Laing -
 
"We're here in Iraq now."
- George W. Bush, speaking from Camp David, Iraq -
 
"I don't want to just entertain people. I want to change their lives. I want them to wake up in the middle of the night and think that everything they're doing is wrong."
- Clifford Odets in Frances -
 

Why Am I Not Surprised?

 
Donald Rumsfeld sold nuclear reactors to North Korea.
 
The Amish have drag races.
 

Belated Christmas Gift

The First Ten Amendments to the constitution of the United States
printed on sturdy, pocket-sized, pieces of metal. The next time you travel
by air, take the Security Edition of the Bill of Rights along with you.
When asked to empty your pockets, proudly toss the Bill of Rights
in the plastic bin. You need to get used to offering up the bill of rights
for inspection and government workers need to get used to deciding
if you'll be allowed to keep the Bill of Rights with you when you travel.
 

Quiz from Hell

 
According to a scientist who claims to have worked in Iraq's chemical weapons program, Iraq destroyed its weapons only days before the war began. They did this because...
 
a) they didn't want to be tempted to use them during the U.S. invasion.
b) they knew the U.S. was going to win anyway and they didn't want the U.S. to find any weapons AFTER the war so they could go "nyah nyah, we didn't have any weapons."
 

History Lessons from Hell

 
On June 8, 1967, the United States of America was attacked by Israel.
 

Mr. Conspiracy Says...

 
The real reason we went to war with Iraq is because Saddam Hussein was planning on switching to the Eurodollar.
 

Am I the Only One...

 
...who wants to gouge out the eyes of the ad execs who came up with all these new campaigns for drugs that say "ask your doctor if Fuckitall is right for you" without ever mentioning what the drug is for?
 

Everything Else

 
Mandatory reading: Robert Fisk is the best reporter on the scene in Baghdad. I'm serious. This is mandatory.
 
The Nation agrees that The Daily Show is the best news show on television.
 
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll get around to doing some more Ask Dr. Hollywood real soon, but in the meantime, this place does a pretty good job of answering screenwriting questions.
 
This site puts forth the rather astonishing theory that George Bush was behind the assassination of John Lennon.
 
If you're planning on traveling this summer, you better brush up on swearing in different languages.
 
I don't think Ray Harryhausen would approve of this version of YMCA.
 
CNN amplified the booing in its re-broadcast of Michael Moore's George Bush-bashing Oscar speech.
 
 
U.S. Allied Forces Commander General Tommy Franks could face trial in Belgium for war crimes under the country's amended genocide law after four Belgian doctors lodged a complaint in Brussels.
 
Lesbian pop group Tatu have sparked outrage by calling for young schoolgirls to join them in a mass naked photo shoot.
 
The Patriot Act II .
 
Everybody who accepts the official version of 9/11 had better read this.
 
The Red Cross says the civilian casualties in the war are worse than you could ever imagine.
 
Forget Jessica Lynch, read about her tentmate.
 
 


 
Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Saddam Hussein - press@uruklink.net

Contact Kim Jong Il: eng-info@kcna.co.jp

Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int

Contact the Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va

Embassy of France in the US: 202-944-6000

German Embassy in the US: 202-298-4000

Embassy of the Russian Federation: 202-298-5700

Embassy of the People's Republic of China: 202-328-2500

Embassy of Belgium in the US: 202-625-5801

White House switchboard: (202) 456-1414

Contact your Senator - http://www.senate.gov/senators/senator_by_state.cfm

Contact your Representative - http://www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW.html

House and Senate switchboard: (202) 224-3121

Links to Central Government Agencies - http://www.firstgov.gov/



 
Don't let this happen to you.
 
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are here.
 
Go to  hell.
 
Dr. Hollywood archives are here.
 


 
Acknowledgment
 
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's fair use.
 
Thanks,
 
Satan
 
 
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Many thanks to Michael Dare!


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'TBH Politoons'

Click Here!



Thanks, again, Tim!

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In The Chaos Household

Last Night

Sunny & windy.

Freaking huge page today!



Tonight, Wednesday, CBS is supposed to offer a FRESH 'Star Search', followed by '60 Minutes II', then '48 Hours'.
On a RERUN Dave (from 2/18/03), are Vince Vaughn, Sarah Vowell, and Beck.
On a FRESH Craiggers are Roma Downey, Jake Busey, and Suli McCullough.

NBC is supposed to open the evening with a FRESH 'special' - 'Psychic Secrets Revealed', followed by a FRESH 'West Wing', then a FRESH 'Law & Order'.
On a FRESH Jay are Bill Maher and Fleetwood Mac.
On a FRESH Conan are Ed Burns, James King, and the White Stripes.
On a FRESH Carson Daly are Jim Courier and Seether.

ABC is supposed to start the night with a RERUN 'My Wife & Kids', followed by a FRESH 'George Lopez', then a FRESH 'The Bachelor', followed by a FRESH 'Extreme Makeover', which starts 10 minutes after the hour.
On a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are William Shatner, Queens of the Stone Age, and this week's guest co-host Jamie Kennedy.

The WB has a FRESH 'Dawson's Creek', followed by a FRESH 'Angel'.

Faux has a FRESH 'That 70's Show', followed by a FRESH 'American Idol', then a FRESH 'Bernie Mac', followed by a FRESH 'Wanda At Large'.

UPN offers a FRESH 'Enterprise', followed by a FRESH 'Twilight Zone'.



Anyone have any opinions?

Or reviews?



(See below for addresses)

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December 7, 1972 photograph of Earth taken by the sixth and final NASA launched Apollo lunar-landing mission: Apollo 17. According to NASA, it represents not only a milestone in space exploration but also a giant stepping-stone in the quest to understand and protect our home planet. To celebrate Earth Day, NASA has released some of its most compelling images, including this one from its Earth Science program.

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The Boss Supports Dixie Chicks

Bruce Springsteen

"The Dixie Chicks have taken a big hit lately for exercising their basic right to express themselves. To me, they're terrific American artists expressing American values by using their American right to free speech. For them to be banished wholesale from radio stations, and even entire radio networks, for speaking out is un-American.

The pressure coming from the government and big business to enforce conformity of thought concerning the war and politics goes against everything that this country is about - namely freedom. Right now, we are supposedly fighting to create freedom in Iraq, at the same time that some are trying to intimidate and punish people for using that same freedom here at home.

I don't know what happens next, but I do want to add my voice to those who think that the Dixie Chicks are getting a raw deal, and an un-American one to boot. I send them my support. "

Bruce Springsteen Supports The Dixie Chicks

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The Information One-Stop

Moose & Squirrel

Moose & Squirrel Information One-Stop

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Receiving Humanitarian Award

Barry Manilow

Barry Manilow will be presented with the Society of Singers' 12th annual ELLA award on April 28 in Beverly Hills, Calif.

The honor is presented "to singers whose contribution to the music world is equaled by his/her dedication to humanitarian causes and community support," according to the organization, and has previously been conferred upon Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, and Peggy Lee, among others.

A number of artists will be on hand to perform Manilow's songs, including Brian McKnight, Dave Koz, Michael Feinstein, Linda Eder, comedian Wayne Brady, and actress Suzanne Somers. Manilow will also perform at the event.

Barry Manilow

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Man With An Opinion

Edward Norton

Edward Norton is jumping on H'wood's George Bush-bashing bandwagon. "As an actor I know in my mind, watching him, what a low-quality mind he has," Norton tells the London Telegraph. "Because I've been doing this since I was 5 years old, I know when a person is saying words that aren't their own — and it's apparent as it could possibly be to me that he's a mouthpiece, and not even a good mouthpiece. [Ronald] Reagan was a B-movie actor, but at least he had the ability to touch certain emotional notes. Bush is just utterly incapable of it."

Edward Norton

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A gigantic spider, bearing eggs in its belly, stands at the foot of the 54-story Mori Tower at Roppongi Hills, a sprawling development with luxury housing and designer shops in the heart of Tokyo, April 21, 2003. The 10-meter (33-foot) tall spider named Maman, made of bronze, stainless steel and marble, is created by French artist Louise Bourgeois and is one of some 20 scattered along the streets of the development which opens on Friday April 25, 2003
Photo by Shizuo Kambayashi

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Russian Film Fest Award

Leonardo DiCaprio

The Russian International Film Festival has awarded actor Leonardo DiCaprio its Tower Award for his contribution to world cinema.

DiCaprio, a Russian film aficionado, accepted the award from festival director Stas Namin on Sunday before an intimate gathering including the actor's grandmother, Yelena Smirnova, who emigrated from Russia 40 years ago, and his father, George DiCaprio.

The festival began Friday at the ArcLight Hollywood theaters and continues until Thursday. It includes Russian movie artwork, photography and film posters. Among the films being screened are Eisenstein's classic, "Ivan the Terrible."

Leonardo DiCaprio

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London Satire Pokes Fun

'The Madness of George Dubya'

Justin Butcher's satire, "The Madness of George Dubya," is scheduled to run at least through May 17 at central London's Arts Theatre. This is the third auditorium for the play that opened quietly in January in a small theater in north London and has since been gathering steam.

In the play, Bush is portrayed as an overgrown baby who appears in pajamas, clutching his teddy bear and preparing a war on "Iraqistania."

As Dubya, Thomas Arnold butchers one reference after another: the Cuban naval base Guatanamo Bay becomes "Guacamole Bay"; Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams becomes "Gerry Saddams"; weapons of mass destruction are called weapons of mass "distraction."

"Madness" comes interlaced with songs by veteran satirist Tom Lehrer, who updated lyrics to some of his better-known numbers ("Send the Marines") to suit the material.

For more, 'The Madness of George Dubya'

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In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

bartcook

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Woman With An Opinion

Barbra Streisand

Barbra Streisand is holding forth once again on the world. "Well, it looks like we are about to win the war in Iraq . . . no surprise there," Streisand writes on her Web site. "The U.S. military is so powerful that we can pretty much overpower any country we want at this point - but does that mean we should? . . . And now the question is, what's next? Will the Bush administration install a puppet government in Iraq made up of just one of the many opposition groups - the one group that happens to be close friends with higher-ups in the Defense Department?"

Barbra Streisand

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Victoria Coulla a rural Peruvian farmer, chewing wads of coca leaves, rests during a protest in front of the Justice Palace in Lima, Peru, Tuesday, April 22, 2003. Thousands of poor coca farmers converged on the capital Monday, demanding an end to restrictions on their cocaine-producing crop and the release of one of their prominent leaders. Some 3.000 coca farmers stayed in Lima hoping to be received by Peruvian President Alejandro Toledo.
Photo by Martin Mejia

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Raises $177,000 for Kids

Audrey Hepburn Auction

Monday evening, admirers of the late Audrey Hepburn had the chance to take home some of the Oscar-winning actress' personal effects and other donated items at a Sotheby's charity auction in support of a children's aid fund founded in her name.

Among the items on auction were a Givenchy ball gown worn by the doe-eyed actress in the 1957 film "Funny Face," which sold for $17,000, a new collection of 25 multicolor Lacoste shirts, which sold for $2,000, and the sculpture "Spirit of Audrey," by the artist John Kennedy, which went for $6,000.

The auction of 14 items raised $177,000. Hepburn's son Sean Hepburn Ferrer said the money would be used to support the Audrey Hepburn Children's Fund, which was founded in 1994, a year after she died, and works with the U.S. fund for UNICEF.

Audrey Hepburn Auction

Audrey Hepburn

Sotheby's

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Formerly 'The Vidiot'

pissed

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'Critical' But Stable

Luther Vandross

Grammy-winning singer Luther Vandross, who suffered a stroke last week, was in "critical but stable" condition on Monday, a hospital said.

"Mr. Luther Vandross suffered a stroke on April 16 and is hospitalized at the Weill Cornell Medical Center of New York-Presbyterian Hospital," the hospital said in a statement. "He is in critical but stable condition."

The hospital said it would release "no further details" on Vandross, who has battled weight and health problems for years and suffered the stroke just days before his 52nd birthday.

Luther Vandross

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Egyptian antiquities expert Mohammed Yousef examines a wall engraved with hieroglyphics in a newly discovered 4,800-year-old tomb near Sakkara, April 22, 2003. A French archaeological team uncovered the tomb three weeks ago. The tomb belongs to an ancient priest from the 6th Dynasty.
Photo by Aladin Abdel Naby

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'Underneath It All'

Traci Lords

In "Underneath It All" - due in July from HarperEntertainment - Lords, 35, details how her abusive childhood and rape at age 10 led her to become a drug-addicted porn star by the age of 16. At 15, Lords writes, she was already leading a double life as a normal school girl and Penthouse centerfold.

"I was high school sophomore Nora Kuzma by day and nude centerfold model Traci Lords by night. I avoided my girlfriends, ditched classes, and barely squeaked by in school."

The jump to triple-X movies the same year "just happened," Lords writes. Believing she was only supposed to appear in a poolside scene wearing a bikini to deliver the line "I know what turns me on," she stumbled into an orgy being shot, got drunk, and soon found herself having sex with one of the male stars.

Her porn career ended at age 18, when the FBI busted the producers and distributors of many of her flicks. A year later, she landed her first legitimate acting job on the TV series "Wiseguy," starring Ken Wahl. After the shoot, Lords says Wahl was "the first civilian I made love to post-porn."

Traci Lords

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Cable Networks

Late-Night TV

Once the seemingly exclusive domain of broadcast legends like David Letterman, the late-weeknight daypart is drawing cable competitors on the hunt for the same young male viewers ABC is targeting with "Jimmy Kimmel Live." Such channels as Cartoon Network and Comedy Central recently made post-primetime strides, while TNN and FX will follow with their own original strips.

Cartoon's "Adult Swim" animation block caught fire quickly after Turner Broadcasting expanded it from two to five nights a week in January. Replacing kid-friendly fare with off-kilter cartoons ranging from original fare like "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" to acquisitions like "Futurama," "Swim" is draining pools of young viewers accustomed to broadcast fare from 11 p.m.-2 a.m.

One of the biggest programming priorities at Comedy Central in recent months is building on its late-night cornerstone "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart," which has lacked a strong lead-out since its inception. After a brief test run in the 11:30 p.m. slot last year, irreverent round-table talk show "Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn)" returned to the schedule in March. So far, it is retaining its audience.

Spike's late-night schedule will boast "Stripperella," featuring Pamela Anderson; "Gary the Rat," a rodent attorney voiced by Kelsey Grammer; and a more extreme version of "Ren & Stimpy," the already out-there cartoon from John Kricfalusi.

Also in June, FX will unveil "The Orlando Jones Show," a talk/sketch hybrid featuring the comic from such movies as "Biker Boyz" and "Evolution." FX entertainment president Kevin Reilly has ordered 65 episodes in hopes of drawing younger viewers -- as well as more urban-skewing demos -- but he believes a late-night presence has added value.

Not to be outdone in the talk show arena, MTV will return Tom Green to the channel for a show of his own at midnight weeknights beginning June 16.

Late-Night TV

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In Memory

Felice Bryant

Felice Bryant, who co-wrote the Everly Brothers' "Wake Up Little Susie" and "Bye Bye Love" and Buddy Holly's "Raining in My Heart," died on Tuesday, the performing rights organization BMI said. She was 77.

Bryant, who collaborated with her husband, Boudleaux Bryant, on some of the most popular songs in rock 'n' roll and country music, died at her home in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. She had been diagnosed with cancer, BMI spokeswoman Caroline Davis said.

Boudleaux Bryant died in 1987 at age 67.

It has been estimated the 800 recorded titles written by Felice and Boudleaux Bryant sold more than half a billion copies worldwide, Davis said. They were inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame in 1991.

Felice Bryant was born Matilda Genevieve Scaduto on Aug. 7, 1925, in Milwaukee. As a child she composed lyrics to traditional Italian tunes, and in her teens sang in and directed shows at the local USO.

In 1945, while working as an elevator attendant at Milwaukee's Schroeder Hotel, she struck up a conversation with a visiting musician from Georgia named Boudleaux Bryant. They eloped two days later.

Their first hit was "Country Boy" by Grand Ole Opry newcomer Little Jimmy Dickens who took it to the Country Top 10 in June 1949.

The Bryants moved to Nashville in 1950 and are generally considered the first people to come to the country music capital to make their living solely as songwriters, said Davis.

They had a string of country singles for Dickens ("Out Behind the Barn," "I'm Little but I'm Loud"), Carl Smith ("Hey Joe" (also a pop hit for Frankie Laine), "It's a Lovely, Lovely World," "This Orchid Means the End"), Eddy Arnold ("The Richest Man in the World," "I've Been Thinkin"') and Jim Reeves ("Blue Boy").

Felice Bryant usually collaborated with her husband, but earned a huge hit on her own with "We Could," which was recorded by Dickens, Jim Reeves, George Jones and Tammy Wynette, Kitty Wells, George Morgan, the Louvin Brothers, Charley Pride, Al Martino and John Prine.

The Bryants in 1957 scored two No. 1 pop hits with the Everly Brothers' "Bye Bye Love" and "Wake Up Little Susie." The Bryants provided the Everlys with virtually all their early hits, including the Boudleaux/Felice co-writes "Problems," "Poor Jenny" and "Take a Message to Mary."

"All I Have to Do Is Dream," "Devoted to You" and "Love Hurts" were credited solely to Boudleaux.

"Raining in My Heart," first offered to the Everlys, was passed on to Buddy Holly and recorded at his final session in 1958.

Felice Bryant's survivors include two sons, four grandchildren, two great-grandchildren and a sister.

Felice Bryant

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Zufrieden sitzt Riesen-Panda-Bär Tian Tian im Washington National Zoo und knabbert an einem Stück Bambus. Tian Tian und seine Partnerin Mei Xiang zeigten nach Angaben die Zoofachleuten in den vergangenen Wochen regelrechte Frühlingsgefühle. Im Zoo ist man nun hoffnungsvoll, dass sich bei den von China für die Dauer von zehn Jahren ausgeliehenen Riesen-Pandas Nachwuchs einstellt. Das Foto entstand am Dienstag.
Photo by Hyungwon Kang

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'Ark of Darkness'

"The Ark of Darkness", a Political/Science-Fiction work, in tidy, weekly installments.

'Ark of Darkness'




Let me know what you think!

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'The Osbournes'

'The Osbournes' ~ Page 4

'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3

'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2

'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1

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Take Back The Media!

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The Slab

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Blog Day Afternoon

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Who served?

The Chickenhawk Database

Draft Dodging Conservatives

Congressional Members with Military Service

Who Died and Made You President? :: The Bean Magazine

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100 Most Banned Books

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Welcome !


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Thank you

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