Bartcop Entertainment - Wednesday, 19 February, 2003
Wednesday
19 February, 2003
(Updated Daily)
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Issue #42
Disinfotainment Today
By Michael Dare
Making fun of the future...
One president at a time.
ISSUE #42
is brought to you by
Dueling pinheads
Message from Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
I myself feel that our country, for whose Constitution I fought in a just war, might as well have been invaded by Martians and body snatchers. Sometimes I wish it had been. What has happened, though, is that it has been taken over by means of the sleaziest, low-comedy, Keystone Cops-style coup d'etat imaginable. And those now in charge of the federal government are upper-crust C-students who know no history or geography, plus not-so-closeted white supremacists, aka "Christians," and plus, most frighteningly, psychopathic personalities, or "PPs."
To say somebody is a PP is to make a perfectly respectable medical diagnosis, like saying he or she has appendicitis or athlete's foot. The classic medical text on PPs is The Mask of Sanity by Dr. Hervey Cleckley. Read it! PPs are presentable, they know full well the suffering their actions may cause others, but they do not care. They cannot care because they are nuts. They have a screw loose!
And what syndrome better describes so many executives at Enron and WorldCom and on and on, who have enriched themselves while ruining their employees and investors and country, and who still feel as pure as the driven snow, no matter what anybody may say to or about them? And so many of these heartless PPs now hold big jobs in our federal government, as though they were leaders instead of sick.
What has allowed so many PPs to rise so high in corporations, and now in government, is that they are so decisive. Unlike normal people, they are never filled with doubts, for the simple reason that they cannot care what happens next. Simply can't. Do this! Do that! Mobilize the reserves! Privatize the public schools! Attack Iraq! Cut health care! Tap everybody's telephone! Cut taxes on the rich! Build a trillion-dollar missile shield! Fuck habeas corpus and the Sierra Club and In These Times, and kiss my ass!
Commie Dupes
Radical San Francisco hippies vandalizing public property
But Then Again
Doing George Orwell Proud
"An MSNBC.com report on the bin Laden tape carried the following sentence: 'At the same time, the message also called on Iraqis to rise up and oust Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, who is a secular leader.' This clearly confirms the clarity of mind Osama bin Laden displayed in regard to Saddam Hussein, and conforms to the recorded message heard by millions and millions of people around the world.
"Less than twenty minutes after this report appeared on MSNBC, that sentence was deleted from the report. A few intrepid Internet news junkies, including myself, preserved what is called a 'screen-grab' of the original article before it was scrubbed. The version of the article currently in existence has replaced the text above with this far more benign text: 'The taped statement reflected Saddam, a secular leader, but made it clear that Saddam was not the immediate target.' A similar story line, bereft of the portions describing bin Laden's wish that Hussein be killed, has appeared in virtually every mainstream news media report on the matter."
- William Rivers Pitt -
I Thought Marijuana was a Gateway Drug
From Ed Ryba by way of Phil Proctor
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Choking on an ice cube? Don't panic! Simply pour boiling water down your throat and the blockage is instantly removed.
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Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
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No Date? Use an aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps for an inexpensive vibrator.
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Date not tickled? Who needs expensive 'ribbed' condoms! Pull out an ordinary one and insert a handful of frozen peas before slipping it on.
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Bored by fish? Putting some gin in your goldfish bowl makes their eyes bulge and they'll swim around in a most amusing manner.
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Need a lift? Avoid arguments about the toilet seat by pissing in the sink.
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High blood pressure? Cut yourself, bleed a bit, and watch it drop as you drip.
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Bad cough? Take a hefty dose of laxatives. You'll be afraid to cough.
Is "Enjoy" the Right Word?
Conspiracy Theory of the Week
"JFK's campaign song, High Hopes, written by Sammy Kahn and Jimmy Van Heuson and sung by Frank Sinatra was the theme song from the 1959 Frank Capra film A Hole in the Head. Coincidence? I don't think so..."
- Steven Alan Green -
Definition of How the Bush Administration Took Office
Main Entry: coup d'état
Variant(s): or coup d'etat /"kü-(")dA-'tä, 'kü-(")dA-", -d&-/
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural coups d'état or coups d'etat /-'tä(z), -"tä(z)/
Etymology: French, literally, stroke of state
Date: 1646
: a sudden decisive exercise of force in politics; especially : the violent overthrow or alteration of an existing government by a small group
Don't Take My Word For It
"There is a concerted, corporate and government effort to spike controversial stories and threaten those who dare step outside the prescribed lines with the loss of their careers."
"'My country, right or wrong' is on the same moral level as 'My mother, drunk or sober.'"
- G.K. Chesterton -
"Powell proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that not only was the Administration's case for war based upon a series of false assumptions, but so was the relatively high opinion most of us had for our Secretary of State."
"It seems to me the people who believe in things are the problem. People who bomb embassies usually insist that they believe in things. Rival terrorist organizations machine gun women and children in supermarkets because they believe in things. Like officials shut down hospitals and then vote for increases in the Defense Budget, usually because they believe in things. Now...I'd rather not believe in things."
- Jude in Hal Hartley's Surviving Desire -
"Why do they hate us? Because we preach one thing and do another."
- Congresswoman Diane E. Watson -
"As the earth fares under a rainless sky,
So do a people languish under an unkind king.
Possessions are less pleasant than poverty
To the oppressed living under an unjust king.
If the king acts contrary to justice,
contrary seasons will befall
And rain-laden clouds will not come forth.
If the people's protector fails to protect,
Priests will forget the Vedas and cows' milk will dry up."
- Tirukkural 56: 557-560 -
"Have you ever fallen out of a patient?"
- Groucho Marx to a tree surgeon -
"Great souls are not those which have less passion and more virtue than common souls, but only those which have greater designs."
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld -
"Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you."
- Maori Proverb -
"Knowledge is a process of piling up facts; wisdom lies in their simplification."
- Martin H. Fischer -
"Balance is the enemy of art."
- Richard Eyre -
"It is better to have loved and lost then never to have seen Lost In Space at all."
- Married with Children -
"Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story."
- Ashleigh Brilliant -
"Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?"
- The Simpsons -
"Try to learn something about everything and everything about something."
- T.H. Huxley -
"When you have money, that's a good way of staving off reality."
- Bill Schneider -
"Jesus was a liberal. Why aren't you?"
- Baron Dave Romm -
"I hate racists. I hate everything about them. Their music. Their food. Their so-called 'religion'. The way their men are so skinny and their wives are all so fat. But mostly I hate the way they judge people based on tired stereotypes."
- Andy Richter Controls the Universe -
"If guns are outlawed, how can we shoot the liberals?"
- Mike Gunn: Mississippi Legislator -
"The dreaming mind recalls past impressions. It sees again what has been seen; it hears Again what has been heard, enjoys again What has been enjoyed in many places. Seen and unseen, heard and unheard, enjoyed And unenjoyed, the real and the unreal, The mind sees all; the mind sees all."
- Prashna Upanishad -
"Never before in all history have the inequities and the momentums of unthinking money-power been more glaringly evident to so vastly large a number of now literate, competent, and constructively thinking all-around-the-world humans. There's a soon-to-occur critical-mass moment when the intuition of the responsibly inspired majority of humanity, in contradistinction to the angered Luddites and avenging Robin Hoods, faced with comprehensive functional discontinuity of nationally contained techno-economic system, will call for and accomplish a world-around reorientation of our planetary affairs."
- R. Buckminster Fuller: Can't Fool Cosmic Computer -
"You know, when Bill Clinton got a blowjob from Monica Lewinsky, the press didn't have to underestimate the size of the crowds protesting Clinton's lack of moral fiber."
- Jeff Crook -
"When the community is in trouble, a person should not say, "I will go to my house and I will eat and drink and be at peace with myself."
- Babylonian Talmud, Ta'anit 11a -
"Give to the poor and become praiseworthy. Life offers no greater reward than this."
- Tirukkural 24: 231-232 -
"The most perfect political community is one in which the middle class is in control..."
- Aristotle, 2,325 years ago -
"The age of apathy stops here."
- Mary Riddell -
Comedian of the Week
At the risk of sending you somewhere you're going to spend hours, because he is, without a doubt, the funniest writer on the Internet, may I introduce you to the fabulous
Matt Neuman.
I Feel So Much Safer Now
The Bush administration expelled
Mohammed Allawi, a journalist for the
official Iraqi News Agency who covers the UN.
The U.S. is punishing Germany by no longer
bribing them to go along with whatever they say.
You Can Fool Some of the People, All of the Time
Imagine There's No Ramadan
In San Francisco, protesters sang John Lennon's "Imagine" in Arabic.
Am I the Only One...
...who thinks the war in Iraq has already started and that all the protests and UN haggling are only serving to distract the media from covering the slaughter that's been going on for months?
...who is against impeachment because impeachment assumes that Bush is ACTUALLY the legitimate president of the United States, which he isn't?
WHO'S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?
February 17, 2003
UNDO THE COUP
ARITHMETIC FROM HELL
100,000 in New York + 3,000 in Chicago + 200,000 in San Francisco + 50,000 in Washington D.C. + 7,000 in Raleigh, NC + 10,000 in Austin, TX + 3,000 in Houston, TX + 4,500 in Santa Fe, TX + 5,000 in Santa Cruz CA + 500 in Pearl Harbor + 30,000 in Los Angeles + 20,000 in Seattle + 5,000 in San Diego + 2,000 in Detroit + 7,500 in Minneapolis + 1,500 in Lansing MI + 3,300 in Colorado Springs + 350,000 in New York + 10,000 in Philadelphia + 500 in Little Rock + 1,400 in Portland + 1,000,000 in London + 30,000 in Glasgow + 100,000 in Place Denfert-Rochereau, France + 10,000 each in Toulouse, Lyon, and Marseille + 20,000 in Budapest + 1,000 in Reykavik + 80,000 in Lisbon + 15,000 in Gaza + 500,000 in Berlin + 500 in Prague + 1,000,000 in Rome + 2,500 in Warsaw + 15,000 in Helsinki + 400,000 in Paris + 1,000,000 in Barcelona + 600,000 in Madrid + 60,000 in Seville, Valencia, and Bilbao + 100,000 in Dublin + 70,000 in Amsterdam + 60,000 in Oslo + 50,000 in Athens + 50,000 in Brussels + 40,000 in Bern + 2,000 in Cairo + 35,000 in Stockholm + 25,000 in Copenhagen + 200,000 at the Acropolis + 15,000 in Vienna + 2,000 in Dhaka, Bangladesh + 2,000 in Kuala Lumpur + 50,000 in Brussels + 2,000 in Sofia, Bulgaria + 2,000 in Kiev + 50,000 in Monte Videa + 100,000 in Montreal + 20,000 in Vancouver + 25,000 in Toronto + 2,000 in Ottawa + 5,000 each in Cape Town and Johannesburg + 10,000 in Bangkok + 6,000 in Tokyo + 5,000 in Manila + 2,000 in Seoul + 2,000 in Dhaka, Bangladesh 100s outside the US Embassy in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia + 100s outside the US consulate in Hong Kong + 10,000 in Calcutta + 100,000 in Jakarta, Indonesia + 250,000 in Sydney + 50,000 in Melbourne + 16,000 in Canberra + 18,000 in Newcastle + 10,000 in Perth 14,000 each in Wellington and Aukland, New Zealand + 30,000 in both Sao Paulo and Rio de Janeiro + 20,000 in Montevideo, Uruguay + 30,000 in Mexico City + 40,000 in Bern + 200,000 in Damascus + 10,000 in Pattani, Thailand + 5,000 in Havana, Cuba + 1,000 in San Juan, Puerto Rico + 5,000 in Istanbul, Turkey + 200,000 in Damascus + 10,000 in Amman, Jordan + 15,000 in Beirut + 2,000 in Tel Aviv + 50,000 in Buenos Aires + 10,000 in Baghdad divided by George W. Bush = war.
SEQUEL FROM HELL
BELATED VALENTINE FROM HELL
INTERNET DEAD-END FROM HELL
Just in case you haven't already been forwarded this a million times, be sure to go
here.
STATISTIC FROM HELL
"It seems that the number of people on this planet who are obese is now in balance with the number of people on this planet who are starving. Let me pause for a moment to give that time to sink in. Surely if we don't pause to ponder a statistic like this we're sunk. Currently on terra firma, or in terra's infirmary, there are approximately 1.1 billion people who are obese and 1.1 billion people who are starving."
- Noah ben Shea -
HISTORY LESSON FROM HELL
Hitler's Enabling Act
On March 23, 1933, the newly elected members of the German Parliament (the Reichstag) met in the Kroll Opera House in Berlin to consider passing Hitler's Enabling Act. It was officially called the 'Law for Removing the Distress of the People and the Reich.' If passed, it would effectively mean the end of democracy in Germany and establish the legal dictatorship of Adolf Hitler.
The 'distress' had been secretly caused by the Nazis themselves in order to create a crisis atmosphere that would make the law seem necessary to restore order. On February 27, 1933, they had burned the Reichstag building, seat of the German government, causing panic and outrage. The Nazis successfully blamed the fire on the Communists and claimed it marked the beginning of a widespread uprising.
On the day of the vote, Nazi storm troopers gathered in a show of force around the opera house chanting, "Full powers - or else! We want the bill - or fire and murder!!" They also stood inside in the hallways, and even lined the aisles where the vote would take place, glaring menacingly at anyone who might oppose Hitler's will.
Just before the vote, Hitler made a speech to the Reichstag in which he pledged to use restraint.
"The government will make use of these powers only insofar as they are essential for carrying out vitally necessary measures...The number of cases in which an internal necessity exists for having recourse to such a law is in itself a limited one." - Hitler told the Reichstag.
He also promised an end to unemployment and pledged to promote peace with France, Great Britain and the Soviet Union. But in order to do all this, Hitler said, he first needed the Enabling Act.
A two thirds majority was needed, since the law would actually alter the German constitution. Hitler needed 31 non-Nazi votes to pass it. He got those votes from the Center Party after making a false promise to restore some basic rights already taken away by decree.
However, one man arose amid the overwhelming might. Otto Wells, leader of the Social Democrats stood up and spoke quietly to Hitler.
"We German Social Democrats pledge ourselves solemnly in this historic hour to the principles of humanity and justice, of freedom and socialism. No enabling act can give you power to destroy ideas which are eternal and indestructible."
This enraged Hitler and he jumped up to respond.
"You are no longer needed! - The star of Germany will rise and yours will sink! Your death knell has sounded!"
The vote was taken - 441 for, only 84, the Social Democrats, against. The Nazis leapt to their feet clapping, stamping and shouting, then broke into the Nazi anthem, the Hrst Wessel song.
They achieved what Hitler had wanted for years - to tear down the German Democratic Republic legally and end democracy, thus paving the way for a complete Nazi takeover of Germany.
From this day on, the Reichstag would be just a sounding board, a cheering section for Hitler's pronouncements.
CARTOON FROM HELL
POEM FROM HELL
(actually Dave Cogan)
Slick Willy and Oily George
First t'was Slick Willy, the one with a brain.
Oooh so immoral, impeached for a stain.
So he liked blowjobs, he also loved books.
His whole life not run by a panel of crooks.
He earned world respect, the economy grew.
He could speak off the cuff, in whole sentences too.
Then came Oily George, silver spoon up his ass,
he shows his compassion with the heart of a bass.
He makes the rich richer, and prays for the poor,
with promises large, follow through miniature.
He gives the rich millions, says it trickles down,
but so far all that's trickled smells bad and is brown.
Oily G's White House is photo-op clean,
Paper tigers abound, moral courage is lean.
He rules like a puppet, his speeches are canned.
He'll donate your sons to win more oily sand.
You're guilty of treason and cowardly things,
should you disagree with his diehard right wings.
He can break treaties, steals votes like a thief,
Oily George - acting president - dummy-in-chief.
As Bush destiny manifests itself broke,
to most of the world, he's America's joke.
The Connecticut cowboy's small brain runs on oil.
He's true to the rich folks and rich sandy soil.
Oily George is so manly, and says what he means,
as he misquotes clichés, born-again philistine.
So what have we now, since the G. Dubya con?
A Crawford-class idiot, world-class moron.
He's lost us our friends, and our world-wide respect.
He pissed on the surplus, the economy's wrecked.
Twin towers are gone, but bin Laden's still free.
Oily George just gets richer, decree by decree.
His agenda brings chemical? nuclear war?
Hell! Horny Slick Willy just wanted to score.
CAMPAIGN FROM HELL
This, and more great buttons, available
here.
SATAN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW
If you chew on a coffee bean, it'll get rid of garlic breath.
Don't let this happen to you.
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are
here.
All of Helen's columns are
here.
Dr. Hollywood archives are
here.
Acknowledgment
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's
fair use.
Thanks,
Satan
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form.
It is made entirely by slave labor.
Unless you think I deserve to get
paid.
Many thanks to Michael Dare!
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'TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
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Weekly Review
HARPER'S WEEKLY REVIEW
February 18, 2003
Millions of people around the world demonstrated against
George W. Bush's coming war on Iraq.
More than a million
people rallied in London, and 500,000 gathered at the
Brandenburg Gate in Berlin. There were protests in
Amsterdam, Brussels, Barcelona, Melbourne, Paris, Rome,
Seoul, Tokyo, and at least 600 other cities. In New York,
where the authorities refused to permit a peace march, at
least half a million people attempted to assemble at a park
near the United Nations; police blocked streets and
prevented many of the demonstrators from reaching the
rallying point.
In Colorado Springs, police fired tear gas
into a crowd of protesters, even though children were in the
adjacent playground.
Al-Jazeera, the popular Arab television
station, broadcast another Osama bin Laden tape; Bin Laden,
or someone who sounded like him, made the usual
denunciations of the United States and called on the Iraqi
people to resist the upcoming American invasion.
Colin
Powell claimed that the tape was proof of an alliance
between Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda, even though Osama
referred to Saddam as an "apostate."
Hans Blix and Mohamed
ElBaradei, the chief U.N. weapons inspectors, gave an
updated report to the Security Council and declared that
they were making good progress and had found no evidence of
weapons of mass destruction in Iraq; Blix dismissed much of
Colin Powell's presentation before the United Nations last
week and said that the satellite photographs of weapons
installations he featured could easily depict routine
activity. "Inspectors," he explained, "must base their
reports only on evidence."
Powell was frustrated in his
attempt to rally the Security Council behind the war agenda,
and Dominique de Villepin, the French foreign minister, was
applauded after he told Powell that "in this temple of the
United Nations, we are the guardians of an ideal, the
guardians of conscience. This onerous responsibility and
immense honor we have must lead us to give priority to
disarmament through peace."
"There is absolutely not a shred
of an excuse for launching a military attack on the basis of
this report. Not a shred," said Tam Dalyell, a Labor member
of the British parliament.
"Even by their own criteria it
would be wicked, wicked if they were to plunge us into war
on the basis of that."
Ken Livingstone, the mayor of London,
denounced President Bush as a draft dodger, a stock market
swindler, and a "stooge for the oil industry."
Continued at www.harpers.org/weekly-review
-- Roger D. Hodge
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In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Overcast morning, sunny afternoon.
Was bummed to hear Van Morrison's 'Moon Dance' as the background music for an Infiniti SUV.
Check out 'The Twiglight Zone' tonight! (see below)
Tonight, Wednesday, CBS opens the night with a FRESH 'Star Search', followed by '60 Minutes II', and '48 Hours'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Kevin Spacey, and Indiana Pacer Reggie Miller.
Scheduled on a FRESH Craiggers are Juliette Lewis, golfer Phil Mickelson, and Mathew Harawitz.
NBC starts with a FRESH 'Ed', followed by a FRESH 'West Wing', then a FRESH
'Law & Order'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jay are Rev. Al Sharpton, Sports Illustrated's swimsuit cover model, and Soundtrack of Our Lives.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan are Jim Belushi and Chris Elliott.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Tiffani Thiessen and Supergrass.
ABC begins with the Season Finale 'Bachelorette', then the Series Premiere of 'I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Laura Linney and Chevelle - guest co-host this week is Janeane Garofalo.
The WB has the Series Finale 'Birds Of Prey'.
Faux has a FRESH 'That 70's Show', followed by a FRESH 'American Idol', followed by a FRESH
'special' - 'American Idol: The Best Of The Worst'.
UPN opens the night with a FRESH 'Enterprise' followed by a FRESH
'Twilight Zone'. Both segments of 'The Twilight Zone' are related to shows from the original 'Twilight Zone' series.
First up, in 'It's Still A Good Life', Bill Mumy reprises his unforgettable role as Anthony Fremont, now an adult. He liked to put 'bad things' into the cornfield. Now the father of a six-year-old, Audrey (Liliana Mumy), he discovers that she is beginning to develop the same powers. Cloris Leachman, who was
also in the original, returns as Anthony's mother. The original 'It's A Good Life', was episode 71, from the 3rd season.
Next up is 'Monsters On Maple Street', an updating of the original episode 'The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street', with Andrew McCarthy. A thoughtful middle-class man watches his street descend into chaos and paranoia when all communications with the outside world are cut off and his neighbors
focus their fear on a family that somehow seems "foreign." The original 'The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street', was episode 22, from the first season.
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
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Showed Humorous Side on Letterman
Dr. Phil
Self-help guru Dr. Phil proved to David Letterman that he can dish it as well as take it.
Making a guest appearance on Letterman's show Monday, Phil McGraw pulled out a note card and read off the list of names he's been
called during the late night talk show host's relentless ribbing over the past few months.
He said he had a few openings on his show for Letterman next week.
"We're going to do neurotics next Tuesday," he said. "We're going to do psychotics next Thursday and Friday."
Asked to define a neurotic, McGraw requested a mirror for Letterman.
"Diagnosing would be 15 or 20 seconds," he said, "and fixing would be 15 or 20 years."
Letterman took the punches, and praised McGraw for having "a certain measure of equanimity" for coming on as a guest.
Dr. Phil
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The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
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Video & Tour
Double Dose
Beatles fans had two reasons to twist and shout on Tuesday with announcements of a Europe-wide tour by Paul McCartney and the release of a never-before seen video of three Beatles jamming together.
Fresh from a hugely popular North American tour, McCartney said he would kick-off his first British tour in 10 years in April, with gigs featuring 22 Beatles songs from "All My Loving" to "Let It Be."
His "Back In The World" series of marathon concerts -- each nearly three hours long -- will also hit European cities in France, Spain, Germany and Scandinavia.
For Beatles fans unable to get their hands on a concert ticket, a reunion performance by Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr and George Harrison filmed in 1994 will be released on DVD in March.
The session was filmed at Harrison's studios at his mansion in Oxfordshire, England and is the only time the three played together after the Beatles split in 1970.
A small segment of the footage was featured in the 1996 Beatles Anthology Video.
Double Dose
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A women walks past a series of paintings by Renaissance artist Titian, in the National Gallery, London, February 18, 2003. Commissioned by Alfonso d'Este, Duke of Ferrara, the
series of paintings shown have been brought together again for the first time since 1598. Opening on Wednesday, the exhibition encompasses the breadth of Titian's career, amid
charges that his sumptuous and openly erotic nudes are more high class pornography than high art.
Photo by Michael Crabtree
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'Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones'
HBO
HBO has embraced the Force, agreeing to lay out about $15 million for the exclusive pay TV rights to "Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones."
The far-reaching deal also encompasses exclusive windows for HBO on the previous four "Star Wars" movies and a first negotiating position on "Star Wars: Episode III," which is in the early stages of pre-production.
HBO gets "Clones" in late summer for an 18-month exclusive window; the movie then goes into a four-year broadcast/basic cable license term. HBO gets the movie back for subsequent windows after the four years.
The addition of "Attack of the Clones" to HBO's lineup gives the network a leg up on its pay TV competitors Starz! and Showtime for exclusive rights to 2002's box office winners. HBO has, among other big titles, "Spider-Man," "Harry
Potter & the Chamber of Secrets," "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," "Men in Black II," "Scooby-Doo," "Minority Report" and "Catch Me if You Can."
HBO
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Didn't Like Play
Anne Heche
In her memoir "Call Me Crazy," formerly gay actress Anne Heche claimed she had multiple personalities. She got to see 14 of them in the flesh last week. Heche stopped by the Hudson Avenue Theater in Los Angeles to catch a performance of "Call Us Crazy: The Anne Heche Monologues," a well-reviewed - and unauthorized - take on Heche's book which features 14 actresses "performing" passages from the autobiography. Included in the show are monologues based on Heche's breakup with Ellen DeGeneres and the time she roamed the California desert on ecstasy, claiming she was from outer space and had to take the drug in order to board her spaceship. Heche and hubby Coley Laffoon decided to check out the play after seeing a sign advertising it, but left early. According to L.A. gossip site Filth2go.com, the Laffoons "exited the theater in horror" as Heche exclaimed, "This is sick."
Anne Heche
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Ratings Dwarfs Jackson Specials
'Joe Millionaire'
Unknown to the world just a few weeks ago, Evan Marriott has overthrown the King of Pop — at least, on network television.
Marriott, of course, was the make-believe moneybags of Fox's "Joe Millionaire" who, on the finale of this unscripted-but-staged mating dance, chose Zora over Sarah as his lady love.
According to Nielsen numbers, the "Joe Millionaire" finale, which aired 8 to 10 p.m. EST Monday, drew an average 34.6 million viewers. The audience soared to 40 million in the second hour.
The enormous number dwarfed the 11.9 million audience for the 9-to-10-p.m. hour of a "Dateline NBC" special, "Michael Jackson Unmasked," airing head-to-head against "Joe Millionaire." The "Dateline" 10-to-11-p.m. hour rose to 17.2 million viewers.
"Joe Millionaire" also substantially outdrew ABC's Feb. 6 broadcast of a two-hour Jackson special produced by British television; its audience averaged 27.1 million viewers, making it the most-watched show for that week.
ABC repeated that special Monday night from 9 to 11 p.m., drawing an audience of 9.5 million viewers. From 8 to 9 p.m., ABC aired a "PrimeTime" special, "The Many Faces of Michael Jackson," which drew 10 million viewers.
Fox, not to miss out on Michael-mania, plans to air an alternative, more sympathetic version of the ABC special, called "Michael Jackson Take 2: The Interview They Wouldn't Show You," on Thursday.
'Joe Millionaire'
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In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
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Stop Glamorizing Smoking
World Health Organization
Hollywood, Bollywood and the fashion industry should stop glamorizing smoking, the World Health Organization (WHO) said on Tuesday.
It urged the industries to "stop being used as vehicles of death and disease."
The United Nations body, currently trying to realize a global anti-tobacco treaty, called on the film industry to avoid presenting smoking in a favorable light and on the fashion industry not to use cigarettes as a "fashion accessory."
Restrictions on tobacco advertising and sponsorship are key parts of a global treaty to curb smoking which the WHO's 192 member states are negotiating in Geneva.
The world's first public health treaty, it is due to be agreed by February 28 and approved by the WHO assembly in May.
World Health Organization
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Two dolphins jump for food in front of an audience during a show at Valencia's new Oceanografic Marine Park February 18, 2003. Oceanografic, Europe's biggest oceanarium with 45,000 living creatures of 500 different species and covering an area of
110,000 square metres with 42,000 litres of water, the equivalent to 15 Olympic swimming pools, was opened to the public on February 15. The aquarium recreates the world's most important marine ecosystems for research and education, and to contribute
to the protection of marine life.
PHoto by Heino Kalis
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Parade at London Fashion Show
'Stop War' T-Shirts
Veteran British designer Katharine Hamnett took a sobering anti-war stand among the frills and frippery of London Fashion Week on Tuesday, sending her models down the catwalk in "Stop War, Blair Out" T-shirts.
Designers showing in London have so far largely steered clear of statements about U.S. and British preparations for a possible war against Iraq over its alleged possession of weapons of mass destruction.
But Hamnett was determined to speak out.
"I'm saying to people: 'Use the little shreds of democracy that you've got left to save yourselves before it's too late,"' she told Reuters.
'Stop War' T-Shirts
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Braved The Blizzard
Beck
Beck and his new girlfriend, actress Marissa Ribisi, braved the blizzard Sunday night to hit the Luca Lounge in the East Village for designer Rebecca Minkoff's fall collection party. Ribisi,
twin sister of actor Giovanni Ribisi, is said to share a passion for Scientology with the pop star. The pair partied with Minkoff, one of Marissa's close pals, and "That '70s Show" star Danny Masterson, another Scientology enthusiast.
Beck
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Backs U.S. Radio Consolidation
Arbitron
A radio listener survey released on Tuesday bolstered a claim by major U.S. radio chains that industry consolidation has provided more local flavor and diversity in programming, drawing criticism that it was biased.
The report by Arbitron Inc., a radio survey company, found that listeners were "very pleased with the programming choices available to them." About 79 percent said they get more or the same amount of programming choices from local radio than they did five years ago, it showed.
Skeptics said the report was biased as it came from a company whose business is perpetuated by the growth of big radio company profits.
The Arbitron study was intended to be issued on the same day that Federal Communications Commission ownership rules were to be discussed at a University of Southern California forum. However, the USC meeting scheduled for Tuesday
was postponed when an East Coast snow storm prevented FCC officials from traveling.
The survey was based on telephone interviews with 2005 people aged 12 or older chosen at random from the company's fall 2002 survey diary keepers.
Arbitron
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Formerly 'The Vidiot'
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Roxette Singer Threatens Law Suit
Marie Fredriksson
Roxette singer Marie Fredriksson has threatened to sue a Swedish tabloid for an article alleging she could be suffering from a second tumor.
Fredriksson is recovering after having had a brain tumor removed last fall.
The Stockholm daily tabloid Expressen wrote last month that doctors had discovered another possible tumor.
In a letter to the newspaper, Fredriksson's lawyer, Leif Silbersky, said the report was false and violated Fredriksson's integrity.
Silbersky said Expressen could avoid a lawsuit by publishing an apology on its front page, pay Fredriksson $59,000 in damages and cover her legal fees.
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Margarete H. da Conceicao, 28, prepares a Neptune mask with for a float in the upcoming carnival in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil Tuesday, Feb. 18, 2003. Thousands work for several months to
prepare for carnival, helping alleviate unemployment temporarily.
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'Bachelor' Still A Bachelor
Aaron Buerge
Aaron Buerge, the star of ABC's romance-reality series "The Bachelor," is concentrating on his new restaurant now that he and Helene Eksterowicz have called off their engagement.
"I don't have much of a personal life right now," said Buerge, a 28-year-old banker. "I'm still not caught up from being off for the show. It's been a wild ride, for sure."
Buerge's darling these days is Trolley's Downtown Bar and Grille in Springfield. He and three friends opened the restaurant to a sold-out crowd of 140 on Valentine's Day.
Buerge wouldn't dish on his breakup with the New Jersey grade-school psychologist; he's saving details for an ABC special on Thursday.
Aaron Buerge
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From Kitsch to Cool
Tom Jones
Tom Jones was once the King of Kitsch. Now he is the King of Cool.
Long gone is the Medallion Man, hip-swiveling through Las Vegas cabaret. Now he belts out duets with Robbie Williams and records with hip-hop superstar Wyclef Jean.
At 62, Jones is on top of his game and "The Raging Bull of Pop" is loving every minute of it.
"The enthusiasm is as great as when I was 20," he told Reuters after rehearsing his set for Thursday's Brit Awards when the record industry will give him a lifetime achievement award for a career that has spanned almost 40 years.
"It feels like a tremendous pat on the back. It's nice to be appreciated for your talent," he said, relishing his career with the same boyish energy he showed when belting out his first big hit -- "It's Not Unusual" -- back in the Sixties.
The testosterone-fueled Welsh singer said: "performing live is as close as you get to making love. There's the anticipation, the adrenaline when you are performing and the big satisfaction when you
wind down -- that's like having a cigarette afterwards."
For more, Tom Jones
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Dog 'priest', Purin, wearing a Buddhist stole, is led by her master Taido Sato for their morning religious rituals at Hokyoji temple in Tsuru, some 100 km (62 miles) west of Tokyo,
February 18, 2003. Five-year-old Purin has been listening to sutra chanted by the chief Buddhist priest at the temple every morning for the past three years.
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'The Osbournes'
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 4
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
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