'TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
Reader Review
Dissecting 'Return of the King'
Great books turned into Bad movies
Turning an epic fantasy into a movie is never easy, but it is not impossible. Sacrifices of story are inevitable, but major plot changes that do not move the story forward are the mark of a writing staff unable to re-think their work in the light of day. What must have seemed brilliant during late night cram sessions, dramatically diminished Tolkien's masterpiece. I'm not surprised J.R.R's family quickly distanced themselves from this project.
In fairness to everyone involved, the cast and crew did a fantastic job. The acting is wonderful, and the look is as though Tolkien himself returned to possess them for the duration of the shoot. Unfortunately, this only magnifies a pathetic script.
In the beginning of 'The Return of the King,' we see Gollum become Gollum. Nice touch, but it belonged in the first movie, which could have used the action. In chapter 2, of book 1 'Shadow from the past,' Gandalf and Frodo discuss the origin of the Ring. That's where this flashback would have been helpful. At the beginning of the third movie, it is just time consuming.
After this, we become bogged down in the ending of Book 2, 'The Two Towers'. As the story tries to catch up, we go to a victory party in Rohan that never happened. In exchange, we drop the Seeing Stone battle of wits between Aragorn and Sauron; the real reason the Dark Lord hastens his great assault upon Gondor.
Instead of the books urgent and exciting rush to Minas Tirith in the middle of the night, the King of Rohan wavers. This selfish streak extends to the Steward of Gondor who is completely diminished into a fiddling Caesar of finger foods. Having given up all hope, he eats instead of lighting signal fires. The reason for his despair, the Seeing Stone, is completely excluded.
Meanwhile, Elrond is indecisive as well. Unlike the book, he is still unsure about Aragorn and Arwen, and more screen time is wasted as Jackson decides whether he's doing Thingol and Luthien from the 'Silmarillion,' or Elrond and Arwen. Eventually, Elrond gets back on story because Arwen is dying? Not in the book. He repairs Aragorn's sword and somehow teleports with it to Rohan to deliver it to the future king and son-in-law. This didn't simplify or shorten.
Some 40 minutes in, we finally get to Gondor; something the book did at the bottom of page one.
Frodo, Sam and Gollum are an unlikely trio, but Gollum splitting the Bag End boys is laughable at best. Once again, this didn't happen in the book, it wastes time, and further hobbles the story.
Minas Morgul looks as though it was taken from Tolkien's memories. Nice job Peter, but the moment of Gollum's near redemption upon seeing the sleeping Hobbits is sadly excluded.
Sam's final act of mercy to Gollum on the terrifying slopes of Mount Doom is also painfully missing. This one action, more than any other, means victory for the West. Frodo telling Gollum he intends to destroy the ring on the stairs of Cirith Ungol didn't happen for good reason. At the Cracks of Doom, Gollum figures that one out for himself. Once again, these elements waste time and were not in the book.
Well over one hour in, we finally get to the Battle of Minas Tirith. In the book, it is a well detailed affair that follows a set pattern of 12th century siege combat. Though the film's images are stunning and dramatic, they lack pacing.
All throughout the night, the enemy range around the city and start terrible fires inside, but it is not until the cock's crow of dawn, that 'Grond,' the Hammer of Hell, breaks down the main gate. The Lord of the Nazgul, rides triumphantly forward to face Gandalf the White Rider.
Suddenly, in the distance, was heard the wild blowing of horns. Rohan had come at last! What a great moment in the book. As a 13 year old reading 'King' for the first time, I laughed as I cried. This dramatic climax is completely missed.
The Ride of the Rohirrim is well done. Combat among the Southerners and their giant beasts shows how closely to the book Jackson can get for a few moments. Then, the moment is lost.
Along come the ships of Umbar. Instead of Aragorn and fresh troops from south Gondor, we get the Army of the Dead. They quickly dispatch the surviving enemy, saving the day, instead of the long day's battle of the book.
The Witch King, Eowyn's showdown stayed nicely on story, though Merry's fatal blow with the magic blade from the Barrow Downs is never explained.
At the council of the West, Gandalf is demoted to a doubt filled geezer, while Aragorn takes the Wizard's lines from the book.
The Black Gate looks perfect, but there is no embassy from the Dark Tower. In the book, Sauron's minions show Aragorn, Gandalf and company, Frodo and Sam's gear, taken at the Pass at Cirith Ungol. Assuming the Ring has been captured and all hope is lost, Gandalf rejects the embassy's terms, condemning them all to death. Jackson must have thought that wasn't very exciting.
At the Cracks of Doom, Frodo is powerless to do the thing he has suffered and struggled to do. The story roars on to its exciting Gollum vs. invisible Frodo conclusion. That's not good enough. Instead of a triumphant Gollum dancing too close to the edge and fate taking charge, there is a final battle between the two ending in a Frodo push, a Gollum too hot tub, and Frodo being saved from a classic cliff-hanger.
The story wraps in another uninspired 30 minutes that seems like an hour. It's as though the movie doesn't know how or where to end.
Being extremely familiar with the story, 'Kings', and the other 2 films could have been at least 1 hour shorter in the hands of decent writers. Like the animated attempts before, this effort falls sadly short.
If you liked the movies and have yet to read Tolkien's trilogy, you're in for a great experience. Tolkien, unlike the writers of this screenplay, sweated over every word, phrase and plot twist. Because of that, the books are a very quick read.
Inside this epic is a feel of beauty and sadness comparable to 'Romeo and Juliet,' or 'War and Peace.'
Considering all this efforts shortcomings, I am certain J.R.R. Tolkien would be pleased. If it gets people to think again about the power of faith, the horror of war, and the wonder of lost horizons, then 'Lord of the Rings' will, once again, have served its purpose.
Cal P
Thanks, Cal!
from Mark
The Mother of All Big Spenders
Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Weather is still spring-like.
Today I noticed my niece has a couple of tattoos & a pierced nose.
I'm feeling really old.
Tonight, Wednesday, CBS starts the night with a FRESH 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigation', followed by a FRESH
'King Of Queens', then a FRESH 'Becker', followed by '48 Hours'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Bette Midler and Howie Day.
Scheduled on a FRESH Craiggers are Aaron Spelling, Sean Astin, and Chad Daniels.
NBC opens the night with a FRESH 'The Apprentice', followed by a FRESH 'West Wing' (starts 1 minute before the top of the hour), then a
FRESH 'Law & Order' (starts 1 minute before the top of the hour).
Scheduled on a FRESH Jay are Debra Messing, Tim Russert, and Joe Cocker.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan are Al Roker and Richard Lewis.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Donald Trump, Dennis Rodman, and Elefant.
ABC begins the night with a RERUN 'My Wife & Kids', followed by a FRESH 'It's All Relative', then the Season Premiere of
'Bachelorette', followed by a FRESH 'Celebrity Mole: Yucatan'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Gary Dourdan and Maria Bello, with this week's guest co-host Enrique Iglesias.
The WB offers a FRESH 'Smallmille', followed by a FRESH 'Angel'.
Faux has a FRESH 'That 70s Show', followed by the Season Finale of 'Simple Life', then a FRESH 'The O.C.'.
UPN has a FRESH 'Enterprise', followed by a RERUN of 'America's Next Top Model' that aired Tuesday night.
A&E has 'American Justice', 'Biography' (Linda Carter), 'American Justice', and 'The Michael Jackson Case'.
AMC offers the movie 'Live & Let Die', followed by the movie 'For Your Eyes Only', then a 'special' - 'Sex at 24 Frames Per Second'.
BBC -
[6pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Guest;
[7pm] 'House Invaders' - Llandudno Junction;
[7:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - St. Leonards-On-Sea;
[8pm] 'The Life Laundry' - Battersea;
[8:30pm] 'House Doctor' - Episode 1;
[9pm] 'My Hero' - Parents;
[9:40pm] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 3;
[10:20pm] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 4;
[11pm] 'The Life Laundry' - Battersea;
[11:30pm] 'House Doctor' - Episode 1;
[12am] 'My Hero' - Parents;
[12:40am] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 3;
[1:20am] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 4;
[2am] 'House Invaders' - Llandudno Junction;
[2:30am] 'Changing Rooms' - St. Leonards-On-Sea;
[3am] 'My Hero' - Parents;
[3:40am] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 3;
[4:20am] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 4;
[5am] 'The Life Laundry' - Battersea;
[5:30am] 'House Doctor' - Episode 1; and
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'West Wing', followed by the movie 'The Vanishing', then 'West Wing'.
Comedy Central has 'MAD TV', 'Crank Yankers', 'Insomniac', 'South Park', another 'South Park', and 'Chappelle's Show'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jon Stewart is Amb. Carol Moseley Braun.
History is all 'Modern Marvels' all night.
SciFi has the movie 'the Arrival', followed by the movie 'The Second Arrival', then the movie 'Lifeform'.
TCM celebrates one of my favorite character actors,
William Bendix (who would have been 97 today) all day, then
spends the night with Katharine Hepburn and
Spencer Tracy.
[6am] 'One, Two, Three' (1961);
[8am] 'The Time Of Your Life' (1948);
[10am] 'The Big Steal' (1950);
[11:30am] 'Gambling House' (1951);
[1pm] 'Blackbeard the Pirate' (1952);
[3pm] 'A Girl In Every Port' (1952);
[4:30pm] 'Macao' (1952);
[6pm] 'Boys' Night Out' (1962);
[8pm] 'Adam's Rib' (1949);
[10pm] 'Guess Who's Coming to Dinner' (1967);
[12am] 'Pat And Mike' (1952);
[2am] 'Woman Of The Year' (1942);
[4am] 'Without Love' (1945). (ALL TIMES EST)
Actor Martin Sheen, center, who plays President Josiah Bartlet in NBC's 'The West Wing,' is joined by director Rob Reiner, left, as they campaign for Democratic presidential hopeful Howard Dean in Council Bluffs, Iowa, Tuesday, Jan 13, 2004. Sheen and Reiner have publicly backed Dean for about a year, citing his consistent opposition to the war in Iraq.
Photo by Nati Harnik
The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
Signs Deal With Progress Media
Al Franken
They haven't got a name or a launch date yet, but the entrepreneurs who dream of launching a liberal radio network have just landed themselves a lead man: Comedian and best-selling author Al Franken.
Progress Media planned to announce Tuesday that it has reached an agreement with Franken to host a live, three-hour daily broadcast that would form the anchor of the programming schedule, according to people familiar with the matter.
In an interview, Franken said the format of the show was still evolving, but he said he was certain that it wouldn't be akin to that used by his rival Rush Limbaugh, which Franken described as "non-guested confrontation."
Franken said he planned to use a mix of interviews, calls from listeners and scripted comedy. He said he planned to have a co-host with long experience in radio, but he said that role had not been finalized.
For a lot more, Al Franken
Tops Blackwell's 2003 List
Paris Hilton
Mr. Blackwell, chronicler of clothing catastrophes, poked fun at socialite-reality TV star Paris Hilton Tuesday for committing the worst fashion follies of the past year.
Blackwell told AP Radio in Washington: "Paris came up shining with a big spotlight saying, `Pick me!' She was just the most natural contender to make No. 1 this year."
Madonna and Britney Spears — "kissin' cousins of couture crime" — were tied for second place, followed by Shania Twain (country-fried kitsch), Diane Keaton, Jessica Simpson, Celine Dion (half-sequined scarecrow, half-gaudy acrobat), Missy Elliott, Melanie Griffith, Courtney Love (torrid temptress of fashion) and Lara Flynn Boyle.
"I'm not telling them how to dress," he told AP Radio from his home in Hancock Park, Calif. "I'm just telling them what I think of it. ... A lot of the stars are looking better than ever and it was very tough to find 10 bad ones."
Paris Hilton
'Saturday Night Live' Clips
NBC Sues E!
NBC and E! Entertainment Television are brawling over "Saturday Night Live."
On Sunday, cable network E! was supposed to begin airing "101 Most Unforgettable 'SNL' Moments," a five-part collection of clips from the classic comedy-variety series that has aired on NBC since 1975.
NBC, however, was unhappy with the idea of a new clip show, arguing that such a move constituted a violation of the original agreement with E! and would compete with various network-produced "SNL" compilation shows. NBC owns the copyrights to all "SNL" episodes.
E! said that the clip show was a promotional "stunt" and therefore covered under its original agreement with NBC. Nevertheless, the cable network yanked the first episode of "101 Most Unforgettable 'SNL' Moments" from its Sunday lineup, and the status of the rest of the series remains unclear.
NBC Sues E!
William Buffalo Tiger, former chief of the Miccosukee Indians, drives his airboat through the Florida Everglades near the Miccosukee Indian Reservation, Thursday, Jan. 9, 2004. He said one of the first signs that pollution was slowly killing the Everglades: batches of dead snakes.
Photo by J. Pat Carter
Rolling Stone Founder in Rock Fame of Hall
Jann Wenner
Rolling Stone magazine founder Jann Wenner will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for lifetime achievement in the nonperformer category, the museum foundation said.
Wenner co-founded Rolling Stone with writer Ralph J. Gleason in 1967.
He will be inducted along with performers George Harrison, Prince, Jackson Browne, Bob Seger, Traffic, ZZ Top and the Dells in an induction ceremony to be held March 15 in New York City.
Jann Wenner
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
Gets Apology in Canada Copyright Case
Gail Zappa
A Canadian furniture store apologized to the widow of Frank Zappa on Tuesday for using one of the late U.S. rock star's signature songs without consent in a television commercial.
Ameublements Tanguay Inc. issued a letter of apology to the Zappa family, which owns the rights to all Zappa's work. Other terms of the out-of-court settlement over the copyright infringement complaint, such as monetary compensation, were not disclosed.
Gail Zappa
Hosting Country Music Television's Flameworthy Video Music Awards
Dolly Parton
Dolly Parton will host Country Music Television's Flameworthy Video Music Awards in April, and Shania Twain will perform.
Parton also will perform during the fan-voted awards show, which airs live from Nashville 8-10 p.m. EST on April 21.
Parton and Twain are the first announced guests this year, but many others will follow.
Dolly Parton
UPDATED FOR 2004!
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
Still Hitting the Gym
Jack LaLanne
Dismissing old age as a myth, Jack LaLanne, TV's first fitness guru, says old folks should get out of their easy chairs and "work at living."
At 89, he hits the gym every day at 5 a.m., lifts weights and swims for two hours.
LaLanne said he's managed to maintain a youthful appearance and energy by drinking plenty of water and eating at least 10 raw vegetables and five pieces of fresh fruit daily.
He also eats fish, egg whites, food high in fiber, and swears by his juicer. He said others can duplicate his success if they eat foods that are low in fat and cholesterol and pass on caffeine, sugar and cigarettes.
Jack LaLanne
A woman walks under Chinese lanterns for sale at a shopping district in Shanghai January 13, 2004 ahead of the Spring Festival or Chinese Lunar New Year. China will celebrate a weeklong holiday which kicks off on January 21. The Chinese New Year of the Monkey falls on January 22.
Photo by Claro Cortes IV
Has Rod for a Collarbone
Ozzy Osbourne
Rocker Ozzy Osbourne's collarbone has been replaced by a rod and he nearly lost his arm in an all-terrain vehicle accident last month, Sharon Osbourne said on her syndicated talk show Monday.
She said he woke up from a coma and had no sense of smell or taste for a while. She also said he was convinced he had been on tour and had been in New Zealand and in Amsterdam, and in a bomb blast in Wales, for some reason.
Ozzy was also convinced he had bought a sheep dog and was asking about it. Sharon said he is doing much better now and he can't wait to heal enough to get back to the United States and to his fans.
Ozzy Osbourne
Reported Missing
Spalding Gray
Actor-writer Spalding Gray has been reported missing, police said.
Police in New York City and in Southampton, N.Y., where the actor keeps his primary home, were searching for the actor. No further details were immediately available and the investigation was ongoing early Tuesday, said Sgt. Michael Wysokowski, an NYPD spokesman.
His brother, Rockwell Gray, a professor of English at Washington University in St. Louis, said he had last seen the actor around Christmas.
Spalding Gray
Needed 40 Stitches
Ted Nugent
Ted Nugent was injured on the Texas set of his reality show when a chain saw cut through his leg.
The outspoken rocker and outdoors enthusiast, who is the star of the VH1 series, "Surviving Nugent: The Ted Commandments," required 40 stitches to close the gash in his leg on Sunday, Michelle Clark, a spokeswoman for the cable music channel, said Tuesday.
Nugent didn't miss any time on the series, which is taping through Sunday and is scheduled to air in April. The 55-year-old rocker is wearing a brace on his leg.
Ted Nugent
Wedding News
Craft - Ellison
Taking a page out of a romance novel, bad-boy billionaire Larry Ellison has wed writer Melanie Craft, marking a new chapter for the man often described as the most eligible bachelor in America.
The co-founder of software giant Oracle Corp., 59, married Craft, 35, at an unknown location before Christmas, a company spokeswoman confirmed Tuesday.
Ellison and Craft had reportedly been together for eight years, and had been engaged for several years.
Craft - Ellison
Copy of Movie Found Online
Oscar Screener
A copy of the romantic comedy "Something's Gotta Give" that was sent to an Oscar voter has surfaced on the Internet, prompting a probe by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.
The development was a setback for the anti-piracy campaign by the film industry and the academy. The Motion Picture Association of America, which represents studios, last year banned the distribution of so-called "screener" DVDs and videotapes over concerns about bootlegging, but partly lifted the ban after complaints from filmmakers, producers and independent production companies.
The Los Angeles Times reported Tuesday that visible and hidden markings on the videocassette copy on the Internet identify it as the one sent to Carmine Caridi, a film and television actor who appeared in the "The Godfather: Part II" and television's "NYPD Blue."
Oscar Screener
Formerly 'The Vidiot'
NC-17 Film To Be Released
Bernardo Bertolucci
Bernardo Bertolucci will not have to cut his new erotic drama "The Dreamers" to get it distributed in the United States.
Fox Searchlight Pictures said Tuesday it will release the director's original version with an NC-17 designation instead of demanding an R-rated version.
Bertolucci has publicly worried about the film's fate in America. "The film risks coming out in the United States amputated and mutilated," the Italian director said last fall. "Perhaps someone thinks that the U.S. public is too immature to see this."
Bernardo Bertolucci
Eastman Kodak Co. on January 13, 2004 said it will stop selling traditional film cameras in the U.S., Canada and Western Europe, another move by the photography company to cut lines with declining appeal in favor of fast-growing digital products. With sales of digital cameras poised to overtake film cameras for the first time this year, Kodak is redefining itself in an effort to keep pace. But the No. 1 maker of photographic film will continue to sell one-time use cameras in the West and expand its sales of these and other film-based cameras -- and film -- in emerging markets where demand is on the rise. Kodak Advantix cameras are seen in this February 1996 file photo.
Photo by Fred Prouser
Custody Set for Court
Baldwin-Basinger
A dispute between Alec Baldwin and ex-wife Kim Basinger over custody of their 8-year-old daughter, Ireland, will go to trial Feb. 23, a judge said Monday.
The specific issue was unclear because the case file was not available to the public.
Baldwin and Basinger were present for the hearing. They did not speak to each other in court.
Baldwin-Basinger
Microsoft Changes Mind
Windows 98
U.S. software maker Microsoft said on Tuesday it would continue to offer support to customers who still own versions of its Windows 98 operating system, in a move aimed to sooth developing countries.
Extended Support for Windows 98 and Windows 98 SE had been scheduled to come to an end on Friday, January 16, while Windows Me support had been scheduled to end December 31, 2004.
The company has now decided to lengthen the Extended Support phase for Windows 98, Windows 98 SE and Windows Millennium Edition (Me) through June 30, 2006.
Windows 98
Musical To Close
`Taboo'
"Taboo," the Boy George musical brought to Broadway by Rosie O'Donnell, will close Feb. 8, losing all of its well-known producer's $10 million investment.
The show, which opened Nov. 13 to largely negative reviews and publicity, has struggled since then to reach its weekly break-even point, reportedly more than $400,000. Last week, according to the League of American Theatres and Producers, it grossed $281,333, filling only half the seats at the Plymouth Theatre.
When "Taboo" closes Feb. 8, it will have played 16 previews and 100 performances.
`Taboo'
Hits the Highway
'On the Road'
Like the trip that inspired it, the first draft of author Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" is a wandering narrative, told in a continuous block of text.
Yellowed with age, smudged with editing marks and the author's own ink-covered fingerprints, the scroll rolls over nearly 120 feet of paper. It is a relic of a literary phenomenon.
Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay bought the scroll two years ago for $2.43 million. Having already been on display in Indianapolis, Irsay plans to send what may be the Beat Generation's quintessential text back to the road from where it came.
Beginning this week at the Orange County History Center in Orlando, Fla., and ending with a three-month stay at the New York Public Library in 2007, Kerouac's "On the Road" scroll will make a 13-stop, four-year national tour of museums and libraries.
For a lot more, 'On the Road'
A white tigress protects one of her two new-born cubs at a zoo in the southern Chinese city of Guangzhou January 13, 2004. The white tigress gave birth to two cubs early on January 12.
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