Bartcop Entertainment - Tuesday, 30 December, 2003

Issue #86
is brought to you by

The Spirit of Christmas in the Holy Land

Palestinians dressed as Mary and Joseph are stopped and turned away by an Israeli soldier, as they try to enter the West Bank city of Bethlehem, December 23, 2003. The two were protesting the lack of freedom of movement for Palestinians, making virtually impossible to celebrate Christmas.

Buried Story of the Week

"Congress authorizes Ashcroft to track gold in the U.S."

- UnderReported -

"Remember, in the Kingdom of Antichrist, no one will be able to buy or sell unless he has the 'Mark of the Beast.' Therefore, one of the changes that must be made in the 'Preparatory Period' leading up to the appearance of Antichrist must be implementation of total control over economic transactions. No one can be allowed to 'buy or sell' using gold bullion and/or gold coins. Thus, this story makes a lot of sense."

- Cutting Edge Ministries -

"As Franklin D. Roosevelt was inaugurated as president on March 4, 1933, Americans were in a state of panic. Banks were failing every day, and people clamoured by the thousands to withdraw their money. Ordinarily they might have accepted paper money in the form of gold certificates, but people feared that the government might simply resort to printing worthless money to meet the massive withdrawal requests. They didn't want paper. They wanted gold. Furthermore, people who had gold certificates rushed to redeem them for real gold.

"In 1933, the U.S. dollar had a very precise definition. The government defined the dollar as 23.22 grains of gold. Since there are 480 grains to a troy ounce, this works out to about $20.67 per troy ounce. This meant that if you had a $20 gold certificate, you could redeem it for roughly 1 troy ounce of gold. Each certificate bore this solemn statement: "This certifies that there have been deposited in the Treasury of the United States Twenty Dollars in Gold Coin payable to the bearer on demand." There are two promises here. First, the gold is there waiting for you. Second, you'll get the gold when you demand it. So in March 1933, thousands of people decided to make the government honour its promise. They quickly found out that the government was lying."

- Patrick Chkoreff: FDR, Thief of America's Gold -

Mr. Conspiracy Says...

Quick, name the Texas oilman who tried to get his pal and fellow Texas oilman George Bush the Republican nomination for president in 1980. That's right, John Hinckley Sr. Quick, name the vice-president who would have become president had John Hinckley Jr. succeeded in assassinating Ronald Reagan. That's right, George Bush.

One reason it looks like the economy is picking up is that the introduction of the new $20 bill is causing everyone who has hoarded cash, including drug dealers with giant stashes, to launder the old bills by spending them. It's estimated that the global underground economy, composed of all styles of tax evader, is loaded with billions of unaccountable twenties, fifties and hundreds.

Duh!

"This is a targeted action; I am the target."
- Pervez Musharraf: President of Pakistan, after escaping a second assassination attempt in 11 days -

Ironic Times Man of the Year

Saddam Hussein

From defying President Bush in the face of a massive military invasion, to living on the run with 200,000 American soldiers pursuing him, to interfering with a foul ball during a crucial Chicago Cubs-Florida Marlins playoff game, to finally being captured hiding in a hole not far from his birthplace in Iraq, it was quite a year for our Man of the Year, Saddam Hussein.

Dubya signed the Patriot Act II into law on the very day everyone was distracted by the capture of Saddam Hussein.

First they capture Saddam, then Dubya tells us we're safer, then they raise the terrorism alert status to "Orange - high risk."

Downloads of the Week

Where can you hear Herve Villechaize sing "Why Do People Have to Fight?", Joe Pesci singing "Got to Get You Into My Life," Johnny Cash singing "I Walk the Line" in German, and Masturbation Tips from the New York Health System (Women, don't use a bottle)? Cover your ears and go to April Winchell: Multimedia. For new years, don't miss Jimi Hendrick's version of Auld Lang Syne.

I Feel So Much Safer Now

Got an OnStar system in your car? The FBI can eavesdrop on your conversations. ("When making public policy decisions about new technologies for the Government, I think one should ask oneself which technologies would best strengthen the hand of a police state. Then, do not allow the Government to deploy those technologies." - Philip Zimmermann -)

An 11-year-old boy was locked in a police cell for six hours after he was caught building a treehouse in a park.

Ruby Barber, a grandmother in England who had been repeatedly burglarized, decided to surround her house with barbed wire to protect it from intruders. Her request was denied because it "might hurt burglars." A storm of protest eventually caused the Northampton Borough Council to relent. Barber, they ruled, could surround her garden with razor wire. But there was a catch--she must take the precaution of posting warning signs and "agree to take full responsibility if a would-be intruder is injured."

An IRS official who created a program to ensure that companies couldn't hide profits abroad, recently left to work for a big accounting firm where he's helping companies avoid the rules he wrote.

Scientists have created a new super-tuberculosis.

Scientists in Montana are creating gallons of concentrated pathogens.

The United States has rejected the International Bioweapons Protocol.

Gosh, since if Saddam didn't unleash any of the biological weapons that he was supplied with by America on Americans, will Bush do it for him and make it look like Saddam did it?

Belated Christmas Gift From Hell

Too bad it's too late to get your loved one a chia Christ for Christmas.

Boo Fucking Hoo

Michael Jackson says he was manhandled when they arrested him.

Question 60 Minutes forgot to ask: "How come you don't sleep with little girls too?"

Slyest Subject Headings for Penis-Enlargement E-mails

Re: Whats up?
You left your umbrella
Thanks for yesterday
Will it work out?
New movie award
Working hard lately?
I dont even know
We work together
You left your jacket
Be all you can be
Still cant find it?
Want the full story?
This should wake you up!
Fwd: your computer
Did I offend you?
Cant believe I found you
Please dont be angry
I want to see you again
Been searching long for you
Re: Please re-send this email
Youll never learn
The case is closed
Ya know what I heard?
Why did you forget?
Fwd: The monthly get-together
And, for Good Measure, Most Straightforward Subject Heading: You can get a larger penis

- Tom Christie -

Shockwaves of the Week

Absolutely, without a doubt, the best Christmas ad I've ever seen.

At Mr. Picassohead, you can make faces the way faces were meant to be made.

Gee, For That Price He Could Have Bought a Whole Man

A Florida man sold the domain name "men.com" for $1.3 million.

Corporate Profit Over People's Lives

"I said on the floor of the House that you will rue the day that because of the greed of the industry to make a few extra pennies from 130,000 head, the industry would sacrifice the safety of the American people. It's so pound foolish."

- Rep. Gary Ackerman, D-N.Y.: GOP Congress Scuttled Meat Protection Measure -

Don't freak out. There's a difference between an outbreak and an epidemic.

"We consumed beef to gain power over nature and our fellow human beings ... by choosing not to eat the flesh of cattle, we serve notice of our willingness to enter into a new covenant with this creature ... Freeing the bovine from the pain and indignities suffered on the modern mega-feedlots and in the slaughterhouses is a humane act of great symbolic and practical import. Liberating these creatures from the process of dehorning, castration, and estrus-blocking, from forced hormone injections, massive doses of antibiotics, insecticide showers, and an ignoble death on an automated assembly-line kill floor, is an act of contrition. It is an acknowledgment of the damage we moderns have inflicted on the whole of creation in pursuit of unrestrained power over the forces of nature."

- Jeremy Rifkin: Beyond Beef -

You can't contract the human form of the disease through just eating meat--you need to eat some nervous system tissue, which apparently is in hot dogs, bologna, and other delicacies. Rendered meat isn't allowed to be fed to cows, but they can end up eating it anyway, since it is allowed to be given to chickens and leftover chicken food can be sold as cattle feed. Here's a guide to what parts of the cow you can safely eat.

Why Howard Dean Should Pick Paris Hilton as His Running Mate

More people watched her idiotic show on Fox than watched Diane Sawyer's interview with Dubya.

How Christmas is Celebrated in Saudi Arabia

By a trip to jail, if you try it outside. According to the most recent State Department report on religious freedom, the public practice of any religion other than Islam can result in "arrest, imprisonment, lashing, deportation, and sometimes torture." A U.S. law calls for the president to "designate each country" that "has engaged in or tolerated particularly severe violations of religious freedom." Saudi Arabia isn't on the list.

Gallery of the Week

Naoto Hattori is out of his mind, but in a good way.

Don't Take My Word For It

"You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan."

- Frank Drebin: Police Squad! -

"Some people wear their faith like an overcoat. It only warms them, but does not benefit others at all. But others light a fire and also warm others."

- Menahem Mendel of Kotzk -

"Iraq is a swamp. The Great Satan will get caught in that swamp; and that will speed up its inevitable collapse."

- Ali Khamenei -

"If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels."

- Prince Philip Duke of Edinburgh: leader of the World Wildlife Fund -

"I hope that other countries in the region... would follow such an example... get rid of and put an end to any nuclear weapons production program. You know, of course, who I mean."

- Ahmed Maher: Egyptian Foreign Minister, Arab leaders call on Israel to follow Libya, dismantle WMD -

"Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there."

- E. H. Gombrich -

"It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power."

- David Brin -

"This atrocious doctrine of allegiance to party plays directly into the hands of politicians of the baser sort - and doubtless for that it was borrowed - or stolen - from the monarchical system."

- Mark Twain -

"Truth, indeed, rather alleviates than hurts, and will always bear up against falsehood, as oil does above water."

- Miguel de Cervantes -

"No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, turn back."

- Turkish proverb -

"There is a direct affinity between large corporations and big governments in that they use the same paths to profit: Large corporations routinely lie to their customers and investors; big governments routinely lie to their citizens and other nations. This is the way the game is played in the incipient 21st Century. But the game is unraveling, the rules are changing; this is the last gasp of the robber barons, and the desperate looks masked by the confident smiles betray that they have much to fear. They are the withering end of an evolution in social progress and they know it, if barely."

- Arris Jaye -

"In George Orwell's '1984' one of EngSoc's three 'truths' was 'Ignorance Is Strength.' Have you ever noticed how ignorant people have a great deal of strength in their convictions? Not being able to think is, at least subconsciously, terrifying. Unable to arrive at ideas and understandings on one's own, every idea must be held onto like a life preserver in the sea beside a sinking ship. Every idea is as important as every other idea because there is no mechanism to judge between them. 'Authority' (the Church-School-State Establishment) is strengthened by ignorance as well. The ignorant must rely on Authority for opinions. This keeps Authority on top. The 'conspiracy' has a vested interest in maintaining this druggie-like dependence on Authority. It is a very short 'hokey-pokey' little step from authoritarianism to totalitarianism."

- Jerry E. Smith -

"Under the law, I am entitled to legal representation and to be present to defend myself against their accusations. Because of the U.S. Parole Commissions clear and deliberate violation of the law, in the real world, this appeal should be an open and shut case and I should be released immediately on parole. But this is not the real world, it is my world. Remember? The U.S. Parole Commission was dissolved in 1987 and ordered by Congress to give all prisoners sentenced under the old laws their parole dates. Its 2003. The Commission still has not done this. The Commission remains in power and is being allowed to violate the law of the land."

- Leonard Peltier (still in prison after 27 years) -

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."

- John Wayne -

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."

- Colonel Oliver North from his Iran-Contra testimony -

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."

- Batman costume warning label -

"Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, now being grilled by American investigators, has reportedly warned US authorities that he will expose Washington's political games and its behind-the-scene role in the occupation of Kuwait."

- P.K. Abdul Ghafour: Saddam Threatens to Expose US -

"We are grateful to the Washington Post, the NY Times, Time Magazine and other great publications whose directors have attended our meetings and respected their promises of discretion for almost 40 years....It would have been impossible for us to develop our plan for the world if we had been subjected to the lights of publicity during those years. But, the world is more sophisticated and prepared to march towards a world government. The supernational sovereignty of an intellectual elite and world bankers is surely preferable to the national autodetermination practiced in past centuries."

- David Rockefeller speaking at the Bilderberger meeting in June 1991 in Baden Baden, Germany -

"Whenever I talk to a band who are about to sign with a major label, I always end up thinking of them in a particular context. I imagine a trench, about four feet wide and five feet deep, maybe sixty yards long, filled with runny, decaying shit. I imagine these people, some of them good friends, some of them barely acquaintances, at one end of this trench. I also imagine a faceless industry lackey at the other end, holding a fountain pen and a contract waiting to be signed."
- Steve Albini: the problem with music -

"By doing evil, one defiles oneself;
by avoiding evil, one purifies oneself.
Purity and impurity depend upon oneself:
no one can purify another."

- Buddha: Dhammapada 165 -

"If you dig deep enough, everyone has a reason to be miserable at Christmas."
- Jim Carrey -

"In the previous 43 years, of the 11 landers sent to Mars, only three have succeeded -- Vikings 1 and 2 and Mars Pathfinder. All the others have been lost en route or during the landing phase."

- Blow for Europe's Mars mission as lander fails to phone home -

"Politics offers yesterday's answers to today's questions."

- Marshal McLuhan -

"Unless wiser heads in the upper reaches of the Bush administration prevail, underlings in the Interior Department are about to deliver a low blow to honesty and integrity in government. For responding with the truth to questions from The Post and other news outlets about staffing in her department, U.S. Park Police Chief Teresa Chambers has been placed on leave and notified that superiors in the National Park Service and Interior want her fired. And what was the chief's transgression? She said her understaffed department had to curtail critical patrols in Park Service jurisdictions beyond the Mall, such as major parkways and crime-ridden U.S. parkland in neighborhoods, because of Interior Department orders requiring more officers to guard downtown national shrines. The impending action ought to be reversed. Ms. Chambers should be commended for speaking up for public safety. The Interior Department underlings trying to muzzle her are the ones who should be on their way out the door."

- Punished for the Truth -

"Civil disobedience is not our problem. Our problem is civil obedience. Our problem is that numbers of people all over the world have obeyed dictates of the leaders of their government and have gone to war, and millions have been killed because of this obedience. Our problem is that people are obedient all over the world in the face of poverty and starvation and stupidity, and war, and cruelty. Our problem is that people are obedient while the jails are full of petty thieves, and all the while the grand thieves are running and robbing the country. That's our problem." - Howard Zinn -

"The only way to extricate ourselves from the Iraqi Quagmire is to use the exits. Take half the dough earmarked for rebuilding and give it to the UN. Then, as John Kerry might say, get the fuck out. There's no other sane choice. Too many people who hate Bush's America already live there. Thousands more are making the commute. In November 2003, 79 American families were notified that their soldier parents, offspring, spouses, or siblings would never again celebrate Thanksgiving with them.

"Unless we make George W. Bush nothing more than an asterisk in the roll call of history (who was the only unelected man to serve four years -- and only four years -- as president?), he will have no problem harvesting our children for more senseless wars, serving up the last remnants of the middle class as hors d'oeuvres at the country-club cotillion, and blatantly robbing the elderly of their health, security, and dignity."

- Barry Crimmins -

"The 21st Century opens with the trial of the century. You think it's a 'slam dunk' that Saddam will be tried and executed? Think again.

"Some legal and political big holes are about to become very clear to Americans and the world.

"The first hole is a legal one. Saddam (like any trapped, wily dictator in his place) will claim a legal technicality -- that the U.S. invasion was illegal. What?

"Yep. He will argue that there was no violation of UN Resolution 1441 which authorized U.S. troops to enter Iraq in 2003. It basically said if Saddam did not destroy his weapons of mass destruction (WMD), he faced 'serious consequences.' So Saddam will argue that since no weapons of mass destruction were found (or used) there was no violation of 1441, removing the legal reason for the attack.

"Another Saddam defense will he shouldn't be a prisoner at all since the other 60-plus dictators have killed as many or more as he did - and are still free to do 'business as usual.' Exhibit 'A' is Charles Taylor, the butcher of Liberia, whose troops hacked off limbs of men, women and children and killed thousands - who was just recently given exile and safe passage along with his stolen billions by the same Bush administration who says Saddam should die for doing the same thing. So why isn't Charles Taylor in jail, awaiting the death penalty, instead of enjoying European ski trips with his stolen loot?"

- Michael Fjetland: Saddam, 21st Century Justice and the trial of the century -

"Journalists make the argument that it is sometimes necessary to protect whistle-blowers from reprisals for exposing the truth. However, that argument is undermined by the increasingly common practice of government sources using reporters to spread falsehoods or discredit foes, knowing reporters will hide their identity.

"A recent example involves members of the Bush administration who allegedly leaked to reporters a CIA agent's identity, a felony, to discredit her husband, former Ambassador Joseph C. Wilson IV, a Bush critic. A criminal investigation into the matter has been stymied as reporters invoke their right to not reveal their sources.

"Clearly, a truly free press would have a higher stake in exposing the government's manipulation of reporters and the truth than in trafficking in innuendo and unsubstantiated rumor."

- Robert Scheer: Secrets, Lies and Media Privilege -

"About 165 communities nationwide have passed resolutions condemning the USA Patriot Act. But one little city in northern California has taken its opposition a step further, making it a misdemeanor for city employees to cooperate in enforcing the federal antiterrorism measure.

"In March, Arcata officials set down a $57 fine for those who don't 'promptly notify the city manager' if federal law-enforcement authorities contact them seeking help in an investigation, interrogation or arrest under the provisions of the act."

- Guy Taylor: Communities shun Patriot Act -

"President Bush went around Congress on Friday and installed 12 people to government panels after their nominations stalled in the Senate. The nominations had languished in the Senate for periods ranging from six weeks to 22 months. By approving them during the congressional recess, Bush bypassed the Senate confirmation process. Such appointments are valid until the next Congress takes office, in this case in January 2005.

- Bush makes dozen recess appointments -

"Last year two major Israeli Ecstasy traffickers were extradited to the United States, much to the displeasure of the Israeli government. The DEA claims 'Israeli organized crime figures' control around 70 percent of the worldwide market in Ecstasy."

- Kurt Nimmo: Israeli Outlaws in America -

"The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatsoever that it is not utterly absurd."

- Bertrand Russell -

"The authorities grossly understated the death toll from hurricane Andrew, the worst natural disaster in US history, and left thousands of survivors to die in a zone contaminated by radiation."

- Deadly Silences: The Hurricane Andrew Cover-up -

"I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents."

- James Madison -

"Whenever the legislators endeavor to take away and destroy the property of the people, or to reduce them to slavery under arbitrary power, they put themselves into a state of war with the people, who are thereupon absolved from any further obedience."

- John Locke, 2nd Treatise on Government -

"I wouldn't go to war again as I have done to protect some lousy investment of the bankers. There are only two things we should fight for. One is the defense of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights. War for any other reason is simply a racket."

- Major General Smedley Butler, USMC -

"Fearing roadside bombs and sniper bullets, members of the U.S. Army Reserve's 428th Transportation Company turned to a local steel fabricator to fashion extra armor for their five-ton trucks and Humvees before beginning their journey to Iraq earlier this month. But their armor might not make it into the war, because the soldiers did not obtain Pentagon approval for their homemade protection."

- David A. Lieb: Army Thin-Skinned Over Homemade Armor -

"In the last five years 5,690 veterans have lost their jobs in both the private and public sectors while activated to serve a tour of duty, according to a U.S. Department of Labor report presented to Congress this year. Those numbers are expected to increase because, of the 300,000 deployed reservists, as many as 25,000 veterans are expected to return home in 2005 to reintegrate themselves back into civilian life after a tour of duty in the global war against terrorism. Of those 300,000, about 20,000 work for the federal government."

- Timothy W. Maier: Pink Slips Greet Returning Soldiers -

"If, instead of welcoming inquiry and criticism, the admirers of a great author accept his writings as authoritative, both in their excellences and in their defects, the most serious injury is done to truth. In matters of philosophy and science, authority has ever been the great opponent of truth. A despotic calm is usually the triumph of error. In the republic of the sciences, sedition and even anarchy are beneficial in the long run to the greatest happiness of the greatest number."

- William Stanley Jevons: Theory of Political Economy (1871) -

"To All of our Customers Who are Male and Age 18 through 25: Effective November 3, 2003: Completion of this application will be considered as proof of your consent to be registered with the Selective Service System per the requirements of Federal and State Law. If you decline to register, your application for a driver license, learner's permit or ID card will be denied.

- Sign at DMV -

"I am the only candidate who voted against the war on Iraq and who consistently opposed it. I am the only candidate who sued the President to try to prevent him from going to war without a declaration from Congress. I am the only candidate who will repeal NAFTA and withdraw from the WTO, replacing these agreements that have cost us so many hundreds of thousands of jobs with fair bilateral trade agreements that protect jobs, workers' rights, human rights, and environmental quality principles. I am the only candidate with a single-payer plan that provides every man, woman, and child with comprehensive health coverage from whatever doctors they choose, and does so through a tax on employers that is lower than what employers who now provide coverage pay on average. I am the only candidate who voted against the 'PATRIOT Act' and who has introduced a bill to repeal major sections of it. I am the only candidate who will redirect our priorities from war and tax cuts for millionaires to peace and education, including free college tuition. I am the only candidate who will make 20 percent of our energy use renewables rather than fossil fuels by 2010. I am the only candidate who will focus on breaking up monopolies, including agri-business monopolies and media monopolies."

- Dennis Kucinich -

"You pus-sucking corporate-lovin' airheaded up-chuck-inspiring butt-licking prick!!"

- Random insult generator on George W. Bush -

"The workers, they want nothing but bread and games. In the great mass they are not worth consideration. We must build a master class from elements of a better race."

- Adolf Hitler -

"The greatest honor is to plant a tree from which you will never eat the fruit."

- The Talmud -

"There ain't no one out there who's a fuckin' threat to us, okay? They don't exist. I'm talking now only of countries we don't arm first."

- Bill Hicks -

About Fucking Time and So What

Lenny Bruce has been granted a posthumous pardon by the state of New York 40 years after he was convicted in an obscenity case.

Mandatory reading: The Top 25 Censored Media Stories of 2002-2003.

Whatayuh think of the Kucinich/Clinton ticket? That's right, the skuttlebutt is that Dennis is going to ask Hillary to be his vice. Of course who knows if she'll say yes, but you heard it here first unless you read it somewhere else.

A U.S. spy has confirmed that David Kelley did not commit suicide, which is what his family has been saying all along.

About one out of 10 teachers in America's public schools say they were threatened with injury or physical attack between 1999 and 2000.

Don't understand Elvish? Check out this guide to Tolkein languages.

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Check out the winners of the annual Snow Sculpture Contest.

They Might be Giants has a kid's book out, and as you might imagine, it's very strange and wonderful, at least the net version. Don't miss the Idyllwild video.

According to CNN, here are the 10 technologies to watch in 2004.

Hey kids, play with a current satellite view of earth.

It's such an honor that these celebrities refused knighthood.

A fascinating collection of seldom asked questions about Japan.

In 2003, Brightmail saw spam surpass legitimate e-mail, growing to more than 56 percent of all Internet e-mail, up from just 40 percent a year ago. By the end of 2004, some experts estimate that 9 out of 10 messages in your inbox will be spam.

Look up an ailment, find out what herb to take. Look up an herb, find out what ailment it treats. Yep, it's the Healing Herb Database.

A fabulous collection of very sexy pictures.

Is your pet dog or cat a cannibal? It is if you feed it commercial pet food from a company that buys dead animals from the pound.

Here's the real person of the year, the Anti-War Protester.

Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Saddam Hussein - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Kim Jong Il - eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int
Contact the Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Embassy of France in the US: 202-944-6000
German Embassy in the US: 202-298-4000
Embassy of the Russian Federation: 202-298-5700
Embassy of the People's Republic of China: 202-328-2500
White House switchboard: (202) 456-1414
Contact your Senator - http://www.senate.gov/senators/senator_by_state.cfm
Contact your Representative - http://www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW.html
House and Senate switchboard: (202) 224-3121
Links to Central Government Agencies - http://www.firstgov.gov/

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