Bartcop Entertainment - Tuesday, 17 December, 2002
Tuesday
17 December, 2002
(Updated Daily)
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Issue #33
Disinfotainment Today
By Michael Dare
"Making Fun of the Future...
One President at a Time"
ISSUE #33
is brought to you by
The Spirit of Friendship
(Donald Rumsfeld and Saddam Hussein)
The Adventures of Xarvon, Alien Investigator
By Michael Dare
Part One: Powers of Observation
Xarvon was no Henry Kissinger.
Xarvon didn't even know who Henry Kissinger was until he looked him up in the Observer's Book of Important Humans, where Kissinger achieved the rating of Universal Coordinator of Mischief. Quite a feat on this bizarre little planet where Xarvon found himself stuck. Earth was the only place in the known universe where mischief was held in such high regard.
Xarvon didn't know what happened. Xarvon didn't know anything. He only thought things. Xarvon thought that earthlings had made it to the moon, which was precisely right. Xarvon THOUGHT that earthlings had made it to the moon. He didn't KNOW that earthlings had made it to the moon because he wasn't in the neighborhood the day it happened. If he had been picnicking on earth's moon in 1969 and had caught a glimpse of Neil Armstrong traipsing around, then he would have KNOWN that earthlings had made it to the moon, but since he was jetskiing on Jupiter that week, he missed the whole thing. Now all he had to go on was the evidence: old video, old photos, old newspaper clippings. All easily faked. He had talked to old people who said they saw it on TV so it must be true. Xarvon called people who believed what they saw on TV Gulliblings. Amazing how many there were. Earth was the only place in the known universe where people pretended to be other people so that other people could sit around and watch them.
Normally, Xarvon would have just raced to the moon to see if the footprints were still there, but his jetski was missing, so he had to rely on what evidence was available. Xarvon was 90% there, but he couldn't ignore that annoying little stack of evidence that the whole thing was faked. Some of it was easily explained away. The flag seemed to wave in a non-existent atmosphere because NASA knew it wouldn't wave so they put wires in it to hold it up. Other evidence, like some clearly manipulated photographs, weren't so easy to dismiss, so he allowed 10% of his thought quotient on the matter to be stored in the "But Maybe Not"
file.
Xarvon's "But Maybe Not" file
was growing and growing. IT was what kept him sane. Xarvon didn't believe anything more than 90% or less than 10%. Xarvon always left room for doubt. There was more room for doubt on earth than any other place in the known universe.
He didn't like being stuck on earth and was on an endless quest to find a means of escape, but in the meantime he had to live here like any earthling. His only power was that of observation. It was his specialty. He could observe with the best of them. There were millions of Universal Observers. The most popular entertainment in the universe consisted of flipping through Observers in other parts of the Universe. His 24/7 broadcast, "Xarvon's Travels," was seen all over the galaxy and bootlegged to several more. His fame was massive. Surely someone would come looking for him soon.
It felt odd to be walking
around without the knowledge that he was broadcasting to millions. He was no longer obligated to lead an interesting life, so he took his time, doing things he would have never done if people were watching. Mainly, he watched television.
His favorite shows were full of facts. He liked shows where people who weren't there had to figure out what happened. He hadn't missed an episode of both versions of CSI: Crime Scene
Investigations since they came on and he had managed to catch up on every episode of Law and Order in reruns. He couldn't for the life of him understand why they ever got rid of Michael Moriarty. Watching old episodes of Law and Order always reminded him of Q, one of his favorite movies, a B rental from the bottom shelf of horror starring Moriarty fighting the mythical Quetzelcoatl, born of the virgin Chimalman in the Toltec city of Tollan, reborn in the streets of New York. He loved earth media, which made his incarceration on earth a bit less tedious.
Nothing confused Xarvon more than the news because had a tenuous grasp of the difference between earth fiction and non-fiction. Non-fiction was supposed to be stuff that really happened while fiction was stuff that people made up, but for some reason most fictional television was full of stuff that really happened while the news was full of stuff that people clearly made up.
9/11 wasn't nearly as big a story on the inter-galactic network as it was on earth. To an Altarian, news of earthlings destroying a couple buildings didn't mean a hill of Altarian beans, which were quite delicious, especially with rice.
Xarvon was disappointed that Henry Kissinger was no longer involved in the investigation. He knew Kissinger's findings would have been quite entertaining. They would been fictional, and when they came out, they would have been shown on the "news," which was supposed to be non-fictional. Bizarre. Earth had more gulliblings than any other place in the universe.
Other species knew where they came from. It was obvious. They didn't sit around and argue about whether or not there was a talking snake involved in the creation of the universe. They accepted the obvious, believing their own eyes instead of what other beings told them.
Xarvon wondered what earthling would play Henry Kissinger when they made a fictional movie about 9/11 that would contain more truth about the event than the news ever did. Xarvon was hoping it would be Jim Carrey, who always reminded him of home.
Xarvon wasn't around on 9/11, so like everyone else, he had to figure out what happened based upon the evidence. On Law & Order, whenever they asked people for DNA samples to exclude them from the list of suspects, it was always the one who refused to give a sample who was guilty. He used that approach. On other planets, all soldiers were observers, broadcasting to the universe what was happening in battle. On earth, people accepted the version of the winners. Xarvon didn't understand why the U.N. inspectors in Iraq weren't broadcasting 24/7. That was the only way to get to the truth. Earth was the only place in the known universe where everyone didn't realize that the guilty parties were always the ones obstructing the flow of information.
Xarvon was bored. To him, investigating without broadcasting was like working on your day off, but it was all he knew how to do. Now that Kissinger was off the case, he figured what the hell. If anyone could get to the bottom of things, Xarvon could.
BELIEVE IT OR ELSE
The Real Reason Al Gore Isn't Running in 2004
Right before his appearance on 60 Minutes, where he was intending on announcing his candidacy for 2004, a mysterious man led him into a screening room where he was shown a film of the Kennedy assassination from a brand new angle. "Are you SURE you want to run for president?" the man asked.
The Real Reason Kissinger Quit the 9/11 Investigation
He had better things to do
I Feel So Much Safer Now
Daniel Ellsberg has called on people in the U.S. government to
leak documents.
Inevitable Flashgame of the
Week
Headlines of the Week
Bush: Iraq's 12,000-Page Declaration is Weapon of Mass Destruction
If dropped.
Religious Merger Creates 900 Million Hinjews
Totally Wacko (unless it's all true) New World Order Site of the WeekDubya Must Have Been Dozing
Calling All Vegetarians Who Eat Tuna
Not content with threatening the lives of millions of human beings, the Bush administration is planning to
kill millions of dolphins.
Calling All Terrorists
Go
here to learn everything you need to know about smallpox.
Rockinest Video of the Week
Depressing but True Video of the Week
Definition of the American Political System
Pronunciation:
'ka-p&-t&l-"iz-&m, 'kap-t&l-, British also k&-'pi-t&l-
Function:
noun
Date: 1877
: an economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of
capital goods, by investments that are determined by private decision, and by prices, production, and the distribution of goods that are determined mainly by competition in a free market.
Good Idea
...who thinks the Bush/rape charge has much more credibility than the Clinton/rape charge because accusing Bill Clinton of rape made as much sense as accusing Warren Beatty of rape? Both got so much free sex that accusing them of forcing themselves upon someone is totally ridiculous. On the other hand, accusing Bush of using strong-arm tactics to cover up the abortion of an underaged girl he got pregnant is PRECISELY what he would do.
...who thinks attacking Afghanistan because bin Laden stayed there is like attacking a Hilton Hotel because bin Laden stayed there?
...who has climbed to the top of Picasso's statue in Daly Plaza in Chicago?
...who lived in New York for years but never visited the Statue of Liberty?
Dear Doc Hollywood,:
I have a lot to say and no formal setting to say it in.
- Dylan
Dear Dylan,
Thank you for braving time and space to contact me.
Possibly the shortest letter I've every gotten. You've got a lot to say? Really? Who doesn't? I once heard an entire symphony in my head but, drat, I didn't write it down because I don't know how because I'm not a classical composer. I once thought of an entire book in my head and I actually wrote it because I AM a writer.
How about this? Sign up at Earthlink (and give my name so I can get a free month). Earthlink gives 10 megs of space for each e-mail address on your account, with up to 8 e-mail addresses. That's, uh, let's see, oh yeah, 80 MEGS OF SPACE. Create a website. That's what I did. Is that formal enough?
Dear Dr. Hollywood,
Hi,
I have a major producer interested in my animated feature spec. Providing I get an agent, do you feel it's better for an animated feature to be shopped to the studio's by a producer who can get films made, or
by an agent? What are the pros and cons of each, my biggest concerns being getting the film made, and not being replaced as a writer too fast.
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Thank you for braving time and space to contact
me.
There is no such thing as an agent who will shop your script to the studios. Agents who shop scripts are a myth. Agents field offers. If they hear through the grapevine that J-Lo has just dropped out of whatever she was doing and has told a studio that she wants to do another musical but it's got to take place in Haiti and it's got to start shooting this month, and you just happen to have written a musical with an ethnic female lead that takes place in Haiti, and your script just happens to be sitting on the agent's desk at that very minute, THEN and ONLY THEN would you have a shot. Agents don't randomly submit scripts. They try to fulfill needs they hear about. So given a choice between a fantasy and an actual producer, I'd go with the producer.
Use a showbiz lawyer to finalize your contract with the producer, even if they cost $250 an hour. Include a line that says something like "whether the film is union or not, they will abide by WGA regulations concerning how they treat me as a writer." If the film IS union, try to get a guarantee that they'll get you in the union. These are the best, and only quarantees, that you'll be treated fairly.
MD
Dear Dr. Hollywood,
I am sitting here laughing my ass off. So this is my story...get a beer dog....we gonna be here a minute.....
[two pages of personal drivel deleted]
So, what I want to know is "Where is the money" in this business, and where are the access point to entry for an outsider. No clerk shit, no stalker ideas, there must be some way to get in and kick some ass. Somebody has to be a normal human being in Hollywood. It's like a big incest party everywhere out here. Your sister is not the one dog. I wanted to be a writer than I realized a guy in jail probably has a better chance than me. Now I just want to be a player.
Will
Will,
Thank you for braving time and space to contact me.
There are no access points to outsiders. You want to be in show business? Nobody's interested until you've got something to show. The line is long and your only choice is to go to the end of the line and wait forever, or cut in somewhere by finding someone in line ahead of you whose coattails you can glue yourself to.
The only answer is to do it yourself. If you wanted to build a car, I'd tell you to find investors and build one, not to go to Ford Corporate headquarters and bang your head against the door. Where's the money? All over the place. The Coen brothers found a bunch of dentists to back their first film. Go get your teeth fixed.
MD
More Dogme
You too can make a film that adheres to the rules of Dogme 95. Sign up
here.
Calling all Filmmakers
MOONDANCE INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL 2003 invites international screenwriters and filmmakers, playwrights, short story writers, TV writers, librettists, film music composers, children's filmmakers & writers and young (18 & under) filmmakers & screenwriters, as well as directors, producers, distributors & investors to participate in the annual film festival & festival competition. Moondance offers everyone a unique opportunity to come together with other writers, directors and producers to create new opportunities, develop tools for success and forge new alliances within the international film and entertainment industry. Deadline: January 31, 2003. Contact Elizabeth English at:
moondanceff@aol.com or visit
http://www.moondancefilmfestival.com.
WHO'S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?
December 16, 2002
UNDO THE COUP
LAWSUITS FROM HELL
Two former Jefferson County jurors are
suing 60 Minutes for more than $6 billion after airing a program that said Jefferson County was the Mecca of frivolous lawsuits and "jackpot justice."
A nationwide
class action lawsuit was filed on November 25, 2002, in the Superior Court of Spokane County against Bonzi Software for their pop-up ads. The complaint alleges that Bonzi deceptively and fraudulently commandeered millions of Internet users to Bonzi's commercial websites through dissemination of tens-of-millions of fraudulent Internet advertising banners that impersonated computer error messages. The Complaint states they used Fake User Interface ("FUI") dialogs that gave the false appearance of being computer error messages.
HISTORY LESSON FROM HELL
The family dictatorships that dominate the Middle East are the legacy of fantasy borders drawn by colonial administrators. Now with the Bush administration pressing to topple Saddam, we may be about to repeat our mistakes - and do just what Bin Laden wants.
SATAN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW
You can donate a calling card to help keep overseas servicemembers in touch with their families at
Operation Uplink or you can send a greeting via e-mail through
Operation Dear Abby.
INTERNET JOKE FROM HELL
In the light of all the criticism that George Bush is an idiot, the Republicans decide to hold a "George Bush Is Not Stupid" convention. Eighty thousand Republicans meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium.
Trent Lott says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that George Bush is not stupid. So ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce President George Bush."
After the cheers die down. Lott says "Mr. President, we're going to prove to the world once and for all that you are not stupid. So tell us, what is 15 plus 15?"
Bush, after scrunching up his face and concentrating real hard for a moment, declares, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the 80,000 Republicans start cheering, "Give Bush another chance! Give Bush another chance!"
Trent Lott says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place, I guess we can do that." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds of chin-rubbing and grimacing, Bush meekly asks "Ninety?"
Trent Lott is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened.
But then Bush starts pouting, and suddenly the 80,000 Republicans begin to yell and wave their hands, shouting again "Give Bush another chance! Give Bush another chance!"
Lott, unsure whether he's doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
Bush looks down, counts on his fingers, and after a whole minute, proudly announces "Four."
A moment of total silence, then an electric charge surges through the stadium as pandemonium breaks out.
All 80,000 Republicans jump to their feet.
These GOP partisans start to wave their arms, stomp their feet and create a deafening roar: "GIVE BUSH ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE BUSH ANOTHER CHANCE!"
QUOTES FROM HELL
One of these statements was never made.
"I would never arbitrarily bomb another country - because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me"
- Al Gore's Daily Affirmation with Stewart Smalley on SNL -
"The Taliban and the Northern Alliance are one and the same."
- Ted Rall - (After the Afghan War/American wartoy infomercial, all American press split the scene except for Rall, who stuck around and noticed that all the Taliban troops surrendering to the Northern Alliance were simply getting haircuts and JOINING the Northern Alliance.)
"To win without risk is to triumph without glory."
- Pierre Corneille -
"Perhaps Sen. Lott should ask Alabama-born Condoleezza Rice - whose childhood friends were killed in a church bombing - if she believes her life would have been better if Strom Thurmond had become president."
- Robert George (R-Tom) -
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom; the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."
-
Walter Lippman -
"Let's look at the psyche of a criminal who's just been sprayed [with pepper spray]. What goes through their mind? Is it A: "Dang! I shouldn't have been messing with them in the first place. They got me fair and square. Or B: "#$$%@@ if I get my hands on you...!!" While there actually are a few instances of "A", "B" is the more common answer. Why? It's because the criminal sees absolutely nothing wrong with what they're doing. Absolutely nothing! In fact, most of them feel completely justified in committing criminal acts, and any retaliation on your part is not only unwarranted, but will actually infuriate most criminals even more.
So it is with the committed anti-American terrorist. They see the criminal acts of themselves and their associates as fully justified, and any retaliation on our part will only fuel their fire that much more. The bottom line? You can't win a "chicken or the egg" argument with a psychopath. The twisted terrorist mind will always rationalize that they are the heroic victim righting a wrong, and then victimized again by our retaliation."
-
Paul's Corner -
"Under pResident Bush and Vice President Cheney, the Administration has developed plans to keep secret files on the activities of all Americans. But at the same time, the Administration wants to keep everything it does from the public. In fact, under today's court ruling, Americans can't even learn the identity of the energy lobbyists who asked for special favors in the White House energy plan. This is an ominous decision that defies fundamental and traditional American values of open government."
- Henry A. Waxman -
"Which brings up the interesting question: ARE ALL THOSE US COMPANIES AND FEDERAL AGENCIES ACTUALLY NAMED IN THE CURRENT PAGES IRAQ HAS HANDED OVER TO THE UN/US?? Is the US government scrubbing those names from the Iraq report before distributing copies to other nations?"
"The only way Strom Thurmond could ever do anything of value for humanity would be if he permitted medical science to harvest the penicillin that grows on his forehead."
- Barry Crimmins -
"Whenever a Fortune 500 company goes bankrupt, make public management of the company for 10 years a condition of bankruptcy. After all, when a person declares bankruptcy, it stays on their credit report for 10 years. Why shouldn't a similar penalty be handed down to large companies?"
-
Jason Sanford:
New Ideas for Democrats -
"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow."
-
Oscar Wilde -
"Only fools are positive."
-
Moe Howard -
"Revenge is better than Christmas."
-
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988) -
"The trouble with normal is it always gets worse."
- Bruce Cockburn -
"Hi. I'm required by law to tell you that I'm Kato Kaelin."
- Kato Kaelin, Mad TV 10/21/95 -
"When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision."
- Lord Falkland -
"Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person."
- Mark Twain -
"No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up."
- Lily Tomlin -
"The Republicans used to be the party of Abraham Lincoln. Now the Republicans are the party of John Wilkes Booth."
- Baron Dave Romm -
"You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light."
- Vicomte de Chateaubriand -
"Fascism is government by the few and for the few. The objective is seizure and control of the economic, political, social and cultural life of the state."
- U.S. Army: Army Talk, Orientation Fact Sheet 64, March 24, 1945 -
"That which the Fascists hate above all else, is intelligence."
- Miguel de Unamuno: Quoted in "Vendredi," Paris, January 8, 1937 -
"The problem of power is how to achieve its responsible use rather than its irresponsible and indulgent use - of how to get men of power to live for the public rather than off the public."
- Robert Kennedy -
"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take."
- Adlai Stevenson -
"When describing the administration at midterm, the words that come to mind are arrogant, cocky, galling, and drunk with power. Almost every day brings fresh evidence that Bush and his crew believe that they can get away with just about anything -- no matter how shocking, offensive, corrupt, underhanded or in-your-face the transgression."
- Arianna Huffington -
"Watch out now, take care, beware of greedy leaders, who take you where you should not go"
- George Harrison -
"People with nothing to hide, hide nothing."
- Meria Heller -
"He may look like an idiot, and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is idiot."
- Rufus T. Firefly -
"The next time we elect a president, for God's sake can we do a background check?"
- David Letterman -
"When I look at my job and the platforms that I stand on and the microphone that I get to speak in to, I don't see that as a responsibility so much as an opportunity to create change in an imperfect world. We all share that responsibility--I just have a good job for making some noise."
- Ani DiFranco -
"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
-
Steven Wright -
"The early worm gets eaten by the bird."
-
Xarvon -
ALLIES FROM HELL
GOOGLE SEARCH FROM HELL
Do a Google search on "Margie Schoedinger," the woman accusing Bush of rape ("hey, talk about frivolous lawsuits..." - Paul Krassner -), and you'll get 42 hits of media coverage, including Pravda, WorldNetDaily, italy.indymedia, rense, www.newsfrombabylon, and other independent Internet media, but not one report from major American print media, including Matt Drudge, who jumped all over a similar unsubstantiated charge against another president.
Is it...
a) a hoax meant to make Internet media look bad?
b) true but the victim is insane?
c) Why are you asking me?
COINCIDENCES FROM HELL
QUIZ FROM HELL
a) despite her performance in Striptease.
b) because of her performance in Striptease.
Saddam Hussein hasn't mentioned to the world press that he got his weapons of mass destruction from the United States because...
a) he didn't.
b) he doesn't know where he got his weapons of mass destruction.
c) he doesn't have any weapons of mass destruction.
d) it's all just a test to see if he can keep his mouth shut.
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM HELL
Every holiday season there are 11,600 candle-related fires that result in 150 deaths and $173 million in property damage.
SITES FROM HELL
SUV safety is a myth. The occupant death rate in SUVs is 6 percent higher than it is for cars. Don't miss
Bumper Mentality, the truth about SUVs. According to this HAARP operator, part of the ionosphere was
blown out into space, and not only once.
Why did all those Afghanis die? Check out how the
is going.
&nbsCaspian oil pipelinep;
If Gandhi had a website, it would be something like
this.
This article says the smallpox and anthrax frights were planned years before 9-11 through Government and drug industry collusion.
The new FCC is going to have a bad effect upon the "Three Hour Rule," established in 1996, that says broadcasters should air a minimum three hours of "educational/informational" programs per week.
Children Now doesn't think that's a good idea.
Just like Exxon, you can make the pResident do exactly what you want him to do at
Dress'm Up Dubya.
Superb site:
Soldiers for the Truth - Real people in the military questioning their leaders and everything else.
Don't let this happen to you.
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are
here.
All of Helen's columns are
here.
Dr. Hollywood archives are
here
Acknowledgment
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's
fair use.
Thanks,
Satan
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form.
It is made entirely by slave labor.
Unless you think I deserve to get
paid.
Many thanks to Michael Dare!
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'TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
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Reader Interlude
Meeting Chris Matthews
from BTW
I threw the jerk a few bucks and bought his new book
so I could honestly say I read when I saw him at the
book signing. I read it over a night and the next
morning. At over 208 pages of fluff 'n' photos, even
Li'l Stumpy Brain in the White House could finish it.
There was a line in the bookstore, so I took my place
and waited. I overheard him take a dig at Al Gore
(yawn). When it was my turn, I let him know right up
front that I was there as a critic. I had a copy of
the great www.dailyhowler.com piece called "The King
Holds Court" (about Matthews and his dishonesty) and
pulled out my copy of "Lies My Teacher Told Me" by
James W. Loewen. Matthews got very cool toward me, as
I told him I was appalled by his writing. He told me
to enjoy the book, though he didn't say which one.
Having met the man in person, I can honestly say he's
as arrogant and supercilious as he is on TV, and if he
has any honest bones in his body, they are very, very
small ones.
I hope others will read his atrocious book, get in
line and tell him to his face what an abominable farce
it is. Teddy Roosevelt didn't think well of critics?
Matthews cannot write such drivel and not get called
on it.
~~ BTW
Thanks, B! Wish I could've been there - but, I won't buy the book, but I will 'borrow' it from the local library.
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In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Woo hoo! A rainy day!
Tonight, Tuesday, CBS opens the evening with a fresh 'JAG', followed by a fresh 'The Guardian', and then a fresh 'Judging Amy'.
Scheduled on a fresh Dave are Drew Barrymore and Rod Stewart.
Scheduled on a fresh Craiggers is John DiResta.
NBC starts the night with a 'special' 90-minute compilation 'Saturday Night Live Christmas 2002', followed by a RERUN 'Frasier', and then 'Dateline'.
Scheduled on a fresh Jay are Hugh Grant and the Fruitcake Lady.
Scheduled on a fresh Conan are Barbara Walters, Colin Quinn, and Los Strait Jackets.
Scheduled on a fresh Carson Daly are Aidan Quinn and Sparta.
ABC begins with a fresh '8 Simple Rules', then a fresh 'Jim', followed by a fresh 'Bonnie', and a fresh 'Less Than Perfect', and caps the night with a RERUN 'NYPD Blue'.
The WB has nothing fresh tonight - RERUN 'Gilmore Girls' and a RERUN 'Smallville'.
Faux has a fresh 'That 70's Show', then a fresh 'Andy Richter', and a fresh '24' (Day 2: 3pm - 4pm).
UPN offers a fresh 'Buffy' and then a RERUN 'Twilight Zone'.
Fresh 'The Osbournes' on MTV.
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
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Berlin
Unter den Linden
People walk at the Unter den Linden boulevard in Berlin on Thursday, Dec. 12, 2002. Berlin's main boulevard is lit up for the Christmas time.
Photo by Jan Bauer
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Malaysia Calls Ads Insulting
Brad Pitt
Brad Pitt is sought after for magazine covers and posters worldwide, but the Malaysian government believes the Hollywood star's appearance in a recent series of car
advertisements in this region was "an insult to Asians."
Deputy Information Minister Zainuddin Maidin said Monday that ads featuring models and personalities who don't look Asian would "plant a sense of inferiority among
Asians," the national news agency Bernama reported.
Zainuddin said the government recently pulled the plug on advertisements for Toyota Altis cars featuring Pitt. The campaign ran for at least several weeks in mid-2002
in newspapers and on television in Malaysia and many other Asian countries.
Brad Pitt
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Hollywood Walk of Fame - 2,209th Star
Michael J. Fox
Actor Michael J. Fox lifts his star Monday, Dec. 16, 2002, as he is honored with the 2,209th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in the Hollywood area of Los Angeles.
Also in attendance are Johnny Grant, honorary mayor of Hollywood and chairman of the Walk of Fame, Fox, Leron Gubler, president and CEO of the Hollywood Chamber of
Commerce, front row, from left and back row: Los Angeles councilman Eric Garcetti, Sam Fox, Pat O'Brien, partially seen, and, far right, Academy Award-winning director Robert Zemeckis.
Photo by Damian Dovarganes
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Signs Deal
Stan Lee
Stan Lee has inked with Endeavor, which will also represent the comic book maven's budding production shingle Pow! Entertainment.
Lee created the characters that have launched several major film franchises, including "Spider-Man," which has grossed more than $800 million worldwide. Upcoming films
based on Lee's characters include director Ang Lee's "The Hulk," Ben Affleck starrer "Daredevil" and "X-Men 2."
In the year since Pow! launched, the company has set up close to a dozen film and television projects, and it will soon be moving into the gaming arena. Lee's
upcoming "Stripperella," an animated series on TNN starring Pamela Anderson, is also a Pow! production; another series is in development at Sony.
Stan Lee
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Adds Extra Day
New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival
The New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival is adding another Thursday to its event at the Fair Grounds — the first major expansion in 10 years.
In addition, New Orleans is adding a free, two-day Mo' Music Festival on the French Quarter riverfront on the Monday and Tuesday between Jazz Fest weekends.
The changes put the spring music festival into an almost continuous 11-day marathon. The dates for 2003 are April 24-May 4.
The musical lineup will be announced in the spring. Tickets will go on sale Feb. 21.
New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival
New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival Web site
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In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
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Video Games In The Future
Hugh Hefner
For almost 50 years, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner has made a living selling the dream of his lavish lifestyle featuring the opulent mansion, decadent parties, and beautiful women.
Now the company has signed a deal to offer video game junkies the chance to don Hef's fabled smoking jacket and slippers and stroll through the legendary love den.
Playboy Enterprises Inc., which oversees the internationally-known Bunny brand, on Wednesday said it has entered into a licensing deal with privately held
game developers Groove Games and Arush Entertainment for a series of titles.
The companies said the first game, targeted for a 2004 release on all major game platforms, would let players take a crack at building the Playboy empire
and "living the ultimate Playboy lifestyle."
Hugh Hefner
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Bulgaria
Skier
A skier jumps as he makes his way down the slopes at the Borovetz ski resort, some 70 kms south of Sofia on December 14, 2002, enjoying the first considerable
snowfall of the winter season.
Photo by Dimitar Dilkoff
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Christie's Auction
Marilyn Monroe's Stockings
A pair of nylon stockings that Marilyn Monroe wore, Laurence Olivier's black suede shoes and a jacket that Jack Nicholson wore in "The Shining" are among movie
memorabilia to be auctioned in London, Christie's auction house said.
The annual "Film & Entertainment" auction Tuesday includes film and stage props, autographed letters and photographs, costume designs and animation art.
The 200-lot sale spans more than 80 years of film and TV history from Charlie Chaplin to Harry Potter.
Among the lots are four helmets from 1977's "Star Wars," three letters from Alfred Hitchcock to British movie producer Michael Balcon and a wristwatch Pierce
Brosnan wore in the 1999 James Bond film, "The World Is Not Enough."
Marilyn Monroe's Stockings
Christie's Web site
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Formerly 'The Vidiot'
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Italy's Right-Wingers Know Hypocrisy, Too
Monica Lewinsky
Monica Lewinsky, the former White House intern, has again found herself caught in a political storm, this time after Italy's state TV decided that a Sunday afternoon chat with her would
be too spicy for families watching a popular variety show.
But members of Premier Silvio Berlusconi's conservative coalition, including the communications minister, have been howling that — given the scandal with Clinton — her appearance
during family-viewing time would be inappropriate.
While touted as family fare, the show's standard format includes a glamorous woman as the host and a backdrop of often scantily clad young women prancing across the stage in musical numbers.
Lewinsky apparently didn't know she was entering a beehive of nasty politics: Italian state broadcasting.
Critics have accused Berlusconi's government of imposing its conservative ideology on the station. Berlusconi is owner of Italy's three major private networks and, as
premier, also has ultimate control of the three state TV networks. Three of the five RAI board members resigned several weeks ago, saying they were frustrated by conservatives'
domination, and venomous accusations have been traded over administration of the stations.
Monica Lewinsky
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Pierre Charles L'Enfant
'Deux Lutteurs'
This newly discovered and never-exhibited student drawing by Pierre Charles L'Enfant, the designer of Washington, is published for the first time in 'Mapping Washington, D.C. 1606-2000'.
Entitled 'Deux Lutteurs' (Two Wrestlers), 1771, the drawing is in charcoal on beige paper and is enhanced with white chalk. It was discovered by author Iris Miller during research in the
archives of the Ecole Nationale Superieure des Beaux-Arts in Paris.
Photo Courtesy of Iris Miller
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Extends Reach to Music Videos
Hollywood Union
The trade union representing Hollywood film and television technical workers is near a deal to expand by providing union benefits to music video crews, both sides said on Monday.
The move comes as the music industry struggles with slumping record sales and a decline in Hollywood music video production for the first time in the two decades since MTV, a unit of
Viacom, brought the medium rocking into the media mainstream.
A spokeswoman for the International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees said it is in talks with the Music Video Producers Association on a deal.
Hollywood Union
Having had first-hand experience with I.A.T.S.E., I offer my condolences to the music video employees, and suggest they each invest in the giant, economy size can o' KY Jelly.
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In Memory
Kay Rose
Kay Rose, the first woman to win an Academy Award for sound editing, has died. She was 80.
Rose, who won the statuette for her work on the 1984 film "The River," died Dec. 11 of multiple organ system failure, said her daughter, sound editor and director Victoria Rose Sampson.
A native of New York, Rose was recognized in March with a career achievement award from the Cinema Audio Society. The Motion Picture Sound Editors gave her a similar lifetime achievement award in 1993.
In October, directors George Lucas and Steven Spielberg endowed the Kay Rose Chair in the Art of Sound and Dialogue Editing at the University of Southern California's School of Cinema-Television. The chair is the first of its kind in the country.
After studying film at Hunter College, she became a civilian film apprentice for the Army Signal Corps during World War II. There, she helped create such training films as "How to Erect a Double Apron Barbed Wire Fence" and the John Huston documentary "Report from the Aleutians."
She moved to Hollywood in 1944 and found a job as an assistant to an editor at Universal studios. In 1951, she married film editor Sherman Rose. Together, they produced the 1954 sci-fi cult classic, "Target Earth." They later divorced.
During her five-decade career, Rose received sound editing credits on such films as "The Rose," "Ordinary People," "On Golden Pond," "The Milagro Beanfield War," "The Prince of Tides," "For the Boys" and "Speed."
In addition to her daughter, Rose is survived by her sister, Patricia Gaffney, and two granddaughters.
Services were scheduled for Wednesday in Los Angeles.
Kay Rose
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In Memory
Zal Yanovsky
Former Lovin' Spoonful guitarist Zal Yanovsky, who traded in the wild rock star life for a quiet existence as a restaurant owner in Canada, has died, the Toronto Star reported on Sunday.
The Toronto native died of a heart attack at his home in Kingston, Ontario on Friday, six days before his 58th birthday.
Famed for such hits as "Do You Believe in Magic" and "Summer in the City," the Lovin' Spoonful enjoyed a brief reign in the mid 1960s as America's answer to the Beatles. The quartet, led by singer/guitarist John Sebastian, racked up seven consecutive top 10 singles in 16 months.
Yanovsky, a tall Russian Jew who resembled Ringo Starr, joined forces with Sebastian in New York City in 1964. The pair shared a love of folk music, and both had played in the Mugwumps, a short-lived combo that also included future Mamas and Papas members Cass Elliot and Denny Doherty.
The Lovin' Spoonful, named after a Mississippi John Hurt song, took shape in 1965 when Yanovsky and Sebastian teamed up with drummer Joe Butler and bass player Steve Boone.
The group's first single, "Do You Believe In Magic" reached the top 10 that year. Its followup, "You Don't Have To Be So Nice" also went top 10 in early 1966. "Summer in the City" was their sole No. 1. Besides recording five albums, the band also did the soundtracks to Woody Allen's "What's Up, Tiger Lily?" and Francis Ford Coppola's "You're A Big Boy Now."
Yanovsky was the zany member of the group. He was the focal point during live performances, but his biting humor often rubbed his colleagues the wrong way, especially when one of his girlfriends ended up with Sebastian.
In 1966, the group's banner year, Yanovsky was faced with deportation after he and Boone were arrested for marijuana possession in San Francisco. They turned in their dealer, which damaged the band's hipster credentials.
Amid rising tensions, Yanovsky was voted out of the band in 1967, but remained on amicable terms with his colleagues. He recorded a solo album, "Alive and Well in Argentina," in 1968.
Sebastian, the band's creative force, left that year, and the band soon broke up. The original members reunited in 1980 to appear in the Paul Simon film "One-Trick Pony" and then in 2000 when it was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Yanovsky dabbled in TV before going into the restaurant business. He ran Chez Piggy, an acclaimed eatery in Kingston.
Zal Yanovsky
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Saturday Night Live
Gore As Lott
In this handout picture, former Vice President Al Gore portrays Sen. Trent Lott R-Miss. on a Saturday Night Live parody of MSNBC's 'Hardball' show.
Photo by Mary Ellen Matthews
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'The Osbournes'
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 4
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
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#4
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