Bartcop Entertainment - Tuesday, 20 July, 2004

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Disinfotainment Today

The Empirical Satirical Periodical

Are you loosing your ability to distinguish between media and reality? Good. Don't worry. It's all part of the plan. Soon you'll believe everything you're told and you won't have to think any more unless you do something about it right now, the Disinfotainment way.

Think about how much you think you know based upon nothing but second-hand media. Imagine how much simpler things would be if you only trusted the empirical.

Mirriam Webster says it's "1: originating in or based on observation or experience," and, if you want to get technical, "2: relying on experience or observation alone often without due regard for system and theory," so empirically speaking, life is a collection of data from five senses thrown into storage and decided upon, with utmost priority given to first-hand information, actual observation or experience, things that are known because they're actually seen, heard, smelt, tasted, or felt. Second-hand information, in which the seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, or feeling has been done by someone other, someone who is relating the experience to you, is always suspect, especially if that someone is the media, or even me. Anything anyone has to say about anything is open to interpretation. The degree to which you believe anything is directly related to how much trust you put in the storyteller, but even trust at its utmost can't compare with empirical knowledge.

The Odd Theory of the Satirical Empirical states that you can only trust first and third-hand information, but never second-hand. The ranks of the Satirical Empirical only believe what they've experienced themselves or what someone else is making fun of. People mysteriously trust second-hand information for no other reason than someone's saying it and the more people say it the more they believe it. Without actual sensory evidence, everything is either hearsay or satire, and satire is much more trustworthy than hearsay. Anybody can make something up and voila, it's hearsay, but satire is a reaction to hearsay, third-hand information, so the hearsay must exist as second-hand information, unless the satirist is reacting to non-existent hearsay, in which case it's not really satire but merely comedy.

If you're Satirical Empirical, you can never be totally sure about anything that happened before you were born. Some people do nothing but report the exact opposite of the truth and you've got to figure out yourself whether they're politicians, historians, or comedy writers.

I'm pretty sure WWII happened though I didn't experience it myself. I've seen the films and read the books but they could all be faked. They can do anything with Photoshop (the Government has had bootleg copies of it since the fifties when I was born). That Spielberg film almost had me convinced until that fake documentary footage at the end. Or I could be a butterfly somewhere in the Andes having a daydream about being an Internet writer. There are all kinds of alternate explanations for WWII.

Empirical knowledge is absolute. For instance, from early on we have a sense of death, we know it exists, but it only becomes empirical knowledge of death when we see a dead body right in front of us. Oh. That's what dead is.. Same thing with roller coasters and sex. You can read all you want about either but it's not empirical till you ride it. You can read a dozen books about the taste of ice cream but the phrase cannot resonate without the memory of the actual experience. Personal memory is infinitely more reliable than any information delivered second-hand. (baring Alzheimers)

To be Empirically Satirical, you must create a list of things you know because you were there, in order to separate them from the stuff that might not be. Here's some of mine:

I know there's love. It's not just something I've heard about. I've experienced love empirically so I know it exists. I don't know if Europe exists because I haven't been there, I've only seen it in film or television, and they could be lying. And all those books that take place in Europe? Lies lies and more lies. As far as I'm concerned, there might not be a Europe because I have not experienced it empirically. I know there's hot and cold, up and down, light and dark. But I've only heard about Europe.

Someone talking to you about justice is very different from actually sitting in a jury or being accused of a crime. Empirically, nobody knows what justice is until it's applied to them.

I know there's good wine and bad wine, good hamburgers and bad hamburgers. There are good people and bad people, good sites and bad sites, there are flavors and scents of indescribable complexity. These are things I've actually experienced and everything else is just Rumor Mill or satire. When faced with a decision about anything, empirical knowledge trumps Rumor Mill knowledge every time. Don't let anyone else tell you what the world looks like. Trust your eyes. Eyes don't lie (unless you're on acid, and if you're on acid, you are getting sleepy, very sleepy, you will do precisely what I say, you will empty out your checking account by transferring it to dare2b@earthlink.net through PayPal, then return to what you were previously doing).

If you're not on acid but some other hallucinogen, go to the beach, go to the zoo, get out of the house and see for yourself how good your water is, how good your air is, how good your food is. You're the expert. Trust your senses. Only your nose can tell you if something doesn't smell right. Don't trust those new artificial noses that feed you a continuous stream of data concerning how the world smells. Gather that data empirically.

Only your skin can tell you if something doesn't feel right and your eyes don't give a shit if you sit on a pin. Anyone who can't tell the difference between reading a symphonic score and hearing a symphony must be deaf.

Does shame exist until we feel it? I would say no. Reading or hearing about shame is a world apart from the actual experience. Once you've felt it, every time you hear the word "shame" you remember what it was like. Everyone knows what "shame" is because every parent teaches it to their children. You can't have a child going forth into the world without a sense of shame. Same with a sense of propriety or a sense of humor. The more creatively defined the sense of humor, the more things are funny, and the more things are funny, the less times you want to kill someone, so developing a sense of humor saves lives and explains why there should be government grants to make people laugh.

I know bones break because I've broken them, I know people can be cruel because they've been cruel to me, and every time someone dies a meaningless death I'm reminded of all the other meaningless deaths I've personally encountered. But France? Never been. Could be just a theory.

Rejected Poster of the Week

"These slight changes totally appeased Clear Channel," said Project Billboard spokesman Ira Zentit, "but we decided it was off message."

Designer Administration, Color-Coded World

"Yellow decorating: Van Gogh called it 'a color capable of charming God.' You may relegate it to the kitchen or a bathroom, but take a chance with this warm tone and the rewards will be tangible. By itself, the citron yellow on this Victorian chest seemed pallid. But a rich, honeyed drawer trim -- not an obvious choice --galvanized it."

(Tips on colors from the Martha Stewart Website)

"Elevated Condition (Yellow). An Elevated Condition is declared when there is a significant risk of terrorist attacks.. In addition to the Protective Measures taken in the previous Threat Conditions, Federal departments and agencies should consider the following general measures in addition to the Protective Measures that they will develop and implement:

Increasing surveillance of critical locations;
Coordinating emergency plans as appropriate with nearby jurisdictions;
Assessing whether the precise characteristics of the threat require the further refinement of preplanned Protective Measures; and
Implementing, as appropriate, contingency and emergency response plans."

(Tips on colors from the Dept. of Homeland Security Website)

Thank you tomdispatch.com

More Normal News

Since 90% of drug dealers are just Normal People Trying to Get On with Their Lives with a Minimum of Interference while only 10% are like the assholes you see as 100% of the drug dealers portrayed on television, the Media/Reality Corollary to Socrates original premise states that 100% of any character you see on television only represents 10% of whatever group you think they belong to, and not the 90% of the group who are just normal people trying to get on with their lives with a minimum of interference.

Decide for Yourself

Mr. Conspiracy Says...

Why the full beard instead of the standard mustache worn by him and everyone around him?

To hide the fact it's one of those impostors we've heard about?

Remember,

If it's not empirical, it's satirical.

BULL? MARKET?

by Frank Van Atta

The punctuation market is going crazy: commas are up, questies are hitting new highs, and periods are slumping badly and exploring new lows. "The market is, like, you know, fractious?" according to Val Singsong, market analyst for Diacritical, Inc., a Wall Street firm specializing in the grammar markets. "So I like went down on the floor? And I saw, like, uh, this usually really cool dude? And he was, you know, like freaking out? And I was like, 'What's up with that?', and he like goes, 'I don't like know? I'm losing my shirt here?' And I was like, 'Wow!'".

The recent volatility in these markets has been blamed on a national epidemic of Upspeak, the California Valley Girl phenomenon that has burst out of its home state to pollute the entire nation. "There are no declarative statements anymore," complained Mona Syntax, Professor of Linguistics at the Reah County Normal School.. "Every sentence is spoken with a rising inflection so that it's almost impossible to recognize a legitimate question anymore."

Looking to share at least a little of the linguistic limelight, Congress has recommended a Constitutional Amendment to add the "sliding question mark" to our language. The new diacritical element would be a modification of the current interrogation mark with a comma at the bottom instead of a period. This would denote a rising inflection at the end of a phrase with only a slight pause instead of the current full stop. Passage is almost certain.

In related markets, the all-lowercase trend in Internet blogs and emails has driven the capital letter market into a tail spin, creating new lows almost hourly. "You can like buy capital letters?", according to Mr. Singsong, "And it, uh, won't like cost much? Because they're like no longer cool? For sure!"

Whatever . . .

Gallery of the Week

George Witham finds rocks, studies them till he figures out what they look like,

then paints them with amazing skill. And you think you've got problems...

History Lesson from Hell

The Kyoto Protocol. Signed by the United States, November 12, 1998. Abandoned by George Bush, March 2001.

The Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty. Signed by Bill Clinton, 1996. Opposed by George W. Bush from day one.

Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty. In force since 1972. Abandoned by George W. Bush May 1, 2001

Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. In force since 1970. Undermined by George W. Bush since 2001.

Protocol to the Biological Weapons Convention. Negotiated by the United States for ten years. Abandoned by George W. Bush, July 2001.

International Criminal Court. Supported by every American administration since World War II. The Bush administration withdrew our signature from the treaty on May 6, 2002.

Conference on the Illicit Trade in Small Arms and Light Weapons in All It's Aspects. Conceived July 2001. Rejected by George W. Bush - outright.

- From Had Enough? by James Carville -

The War Against Plants

"Neither the severity nor leniency of marijuana laws play a significant role in influencing patterns or frequency of marijuana use among experienced users, according to a study published this week in the American Journal of Public Health.

"The study, which compared the behavior of cannabis users in San Francisco and Amsterdam, 'found consistent similarities in patterns of career use across different policy contexts,' including mean age of onset, frequency of use, quantity of use, intensity of intoxication, and duration of career use.

"'If drug policies are a potent influence on user behavior, there should not be such strong similarities across such different drug control regimes,' authors concluded. 'Our findings do not support claims that criminalization reduces cannabis use [or] that decriminalization increases cannabis use. Moreover, Dutch decriminalization does not appear to be associated with greater use of other illicit drugs relative to drug use in San Francisco, nor does criminalization in San Francisco appear to be associated with less use of other illicit drugs relative to their use in Amsterdam. Indeed, to judge from the lifetime prevalence of other illicit drug use, the reverse may be the case.'"

- Severity Of Pot Laws Doesn't Influence Marijuana Use, Study Says -

"Enforcing marijuana prohibition costs taxpayers an estimated $10 billion annually and results in the arrest of approximately 700,000 individuals per year. Yet, study after study shows that this enforcement has little-to-no influence on individuals' behavior. Rather, it is a tremendous waste of national and state criminal justice resources that should be focused on combating serious and violent crime. It invites government unnecessarily into areas of our private lives, and needlessly damages the lives and careers of hundreds of thousands of otherwise law-abiding citizens."

- Allen St. Pierre: Executive Director of NORML -

"People selling drug paraphernalia are in essence no different than drug dealers. They are as much a part of drug trafficking as silencers are a part of criminal homicide."

- John B. Brown: DEA Acting Administrator -

"Why is my verse so barren of new pride,
So far from variation or quick change?
Why with the time do I not glance aside
To new-found methods and to compounds strange?
Why write I still all one, ever the same,
And keep invention in a noted weed,
That every word doth almost tell my name,
Showing their birth, and where they did proceed?

- William Shakespeare: Sonnet 76 -

"I would have been dead if it hadn't been for pot, because when I started smoking pot I quit smoking cigarettes and drinking."

- Willie Nelson: Very Important Potheads -

Peter Paranoia Says...

I wonder if anyone can see me doing this? It gets a little boring just standing here with my cane and top hat and goofy grin and crossed eyes but hey, that's the price you pay if you want to be an icon. I know you can see what I'm doing and I wouldn't worry at all about whether I can see what you're doing, not at all, don't worry about it. Just pretend you didn't see me. Move along now. Nothing to see here.

Quote of the Week

My dentist gave me two new prescriptions which he faxed to my pharmacist. I went to pick them up when I realized I didn't know what drugs they were and I didn't have my glasses so I couldn't read the labels. "I don't have my glasses," I said to the pharmacist as he handed me my drugs. "Can you tell me what they are?"

"Sure," he said, "they're these round things you wear on your eyes so you can see better."

Headline of the Week

Insane American president continues illegal wars, develops new plan to drug schoolchildren, deploys fleet to goad China into World War III, and explores moves to cancel elections although his opponent, who would be first Jewish president, essentially endorses Bush's current policies; corrupt mainstream media remains silent on escalating danger to entire human race as U.S. voters have no choice but endless war.

SAT Question for Dubya

Please complete the following sentence:

I never would have invaded Iraq if I had received intelligence stating...

Don't Take My Word For It

"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."

- David Friedman -

"The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on."

- Joseph Heller: Catch 22 -

"Three counties that were considering electronic voting machines made by Ohio-based Diebold Inc. cannot switch by November because tests have shown security problems, Secretary of State Kenneth Blackwell said Friday. Hardin, Lorain and Trumbull counties will stick with their current systems, Blackwell spokesman Carlo LoParo said. Mercer County decided earlier this week to stick with its current system punch-card ballots."

- AP: Electronic voting no-go in Ohio -

"Asked if he would sue the United States government, Mehdi Ghezali told Reuters Television: 'Yes, I will.'"

- Swede Freed from Guantanamo Wants to Sue U.S. Govt -

"I think we at least owe him a toaster oven."

- John Edwards -

"For every man and woman who is worried about paying their bills; for every child who needs health care and a strong school to go to, and for every American who waits for the 1st and the 15th of every month -- together we will end this era of anxiety. We will replace the crass politics of greed and the current politics of rage with a new politics of opportunity."

- The Other John Edwards -

"Propaganda is persuading people to make up their minds while withholding some of the facts from them."

- Harold Evans -

"An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought."

- Simon Cameron -

"In an attempt to intimidate protest and silence dissent, the Boston Police, in cooperation with the Department of Homeland Security, is imposing unprecedented police state measures:

City Bus Drivers were given mandatory 'anti-terror' training. They were shown films to help them identify 'terrorists.' The people shown in the film were not terrorists--they were ANSWER activists. Bus Drivers have been ordered not to allow anyone on the bus carrying political signs. Peaceful protest has now been officially designated as 'terrorism' by the government.
More than 75 high tech cameras have been placed throughout the city, with instant links to 'monitoring stations.' From these stations, Federal Agents can zoom in on facial characteristics and license plates. The surveillance of political activity without probable cause, which has been determined to be illegal and unconstitutional, is designed to intimidate and harass protesters."

- The Police State has come to Boston -

"The citizen who sees his society's democratic clothes being worn out and does not cry out is not a patriot but a traitor."

- Mark Twain -

"Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working."

- Pablo Picasso -

"If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe."

- Woody Allen -

"The U.S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it."

- Benjamin Franklin -

"Thank you for e-mailing President Bush. Your ideas and comments are very important to him. Because of the large volume of e-mail received, the President cannot personally respond to each message. However, the White House staff considers and reports citizen ideas and concerns."

- President@WhiteHouse.gov -

"Fame does not make you smarter."

- Leonard Pitts, Jr. -

"Every time I see a car with a BUSH-CHENEY sticker, one of my favorite things to do is pull up alongside them, motion for them to roll down the window, and when they do, I say, 'Hey, I just thought you should know - somebody put a BUSH-CHENEY sticker on your car.' This doesn't really help anything, but you'll find it very therapeutic."

- James Carville: Had Enough? -

"As reporting on the lead-up to war, the war itself, and its aftermath vividly demonstrated, our country is now divided into a two-tiered media structure. The lower-tier -- niche publications, alternative media outlets, and Internet sites -- hosts the broadest spectrum of viewpoints. Until the war effort began to unravel in spring 2004, the upper-tier -- a relatively small number of major broadcast outlets, newspapers, and magazines -- had a far more limited bandwidth of critical views, regularly deferring to the Bush Administration's vision of the world. Contrarian views below rarely bled upwards.

"As Michael Massing pointed out recently in the New York Review of Books, Bush administration insinuations that critics were unpatriotic -- White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer infamously warned reporters as war approached, 'People had better watch what they say' -- had an undeniably chilling effect on the media. But other forms of pressure also effectively inhibited the press. The President held few press conferences and rarely submitted to truly open exchanges. Secretive and disciplined to begin with, the administration adeptly used the threat of denied access as a way to intimidate reporters who showed evidence of independence. For reporters, this meant no one-on-one interviews, special tips, or leaks, being passed over in press conference question-and-answer periods, and exclusion from select events as well as important trips."

- Orville Schell: Why the Press Failed -

"If you want to know about governments, all you have to know is two words: Governments lie."

- I. F. Stone -

"Repeatedly, in recent months, Chinese spokesmen have warned that any price - large casualties and physical damage, broken diplomatic ties, economic reverses, and disruption of the 2008 Olympics in Beijing - will be paid to prevent Taiwan declaring its independence. The simmering Taiwan issue thus holds the distinct possibility of a major Pacific security crisis for whoever wins the US presidential elections in November."

- China and Taiwan: Flashpoint for a War -

"People are not talking about several important aspects of these frenzied and frequent military developments. First is that U.S. military deployments to 132 bases outside American borders dominated by hundreds of thousands of military personnel in Iraq, and tens of thousands in Afghanistan and in the fleets patrolling the Pacific depletes defensive forces in America to dangerously low levels, and as we know from 9/11, Americas military defense of its own borders can realistically be expected to fail at any time. So sending so many forces out of the country all at once, especially considering Bush's irrational and suspicious behavior, is a very ominous development, one which should terrify all Americans."

- John Kaminski: Your next vote will kill millions -

"Seeking to bolster support for the Patriot Act, the Justice Department provided Congress on Tuesday with details of numerous cases in which the anti-terrorism law has been used. The 29-page report is part of the Bush administration effort to prevent Congress from weakening the law, which critics say threatens civil liberties by giving law enforcement authorities more latitude to spy on people.

"Release of the document comes less than a week after House Republican leaders barely turned back an amendment that would have prevented the FBI from using Patriot Act authority to obtain library and bookstore records.

"The report says that in the period starting with the Sept. 11 attacks and ending May 5, Justice Department terrorism investigations have resulted in charges against 310 people, with 179 convictions or guilty pleas. The Patriot Act, it says, was instrumental in these cases...

"Rep. John Conyers of Michigan, ranking Democrat on the Judiciary Committee, accused the department of selectively releasing information about the Patriot Act and refusing to address civil liberties concerns.

"'Coupled with the department's consistent record of exaggerating their record about terrorism, this entire report is suspect,' Conyers said."

- AP: Justice Dept. Details Patriot Act Cases -

"In the spring of 2003, shortly after the start of the war in Iraq, the state of affairs on veterans funding in the Republican controlled House was by all accounts surprisingly hostile to veterans. The Bush administration sent to the House its proposal for cutting $844 million from veterans health care from the 2004 budget. Over a 10-year period the cuts would total approximately $10 billion. When the proposal reached the House Budget Committee, all 18 Democrats opposed the cuts, and they proposed an amendment to restore the $844 million and add another billion for VA discretionary health care. Led by their chairman, Jim Nussle of Iowa, Republicans on the committee, in an almost perfect party-line vote, 22-19, rejected the amendment and proceeded with the Bush proposal."

- Gerald S. Rellick: Bush Betrays Veterans -

"In early May I took a taxi from Amman to Baghdad. After passing through Jordanian customs and approaching the Iraqi border post, my driver warned me to remain in the car. The Iraqi resistance had people working for it at the border post, he said, and if they saw my US passport they would contact their friends on the road ahead. They would welcome us with rocket-propelled grenades and small-arms fire. I pushed the seat back as he said and closed my eyes. Soon we were driving east to Baghdad on Iraq's Highway 10, and I had sneaked into the country without any US or Iraqi officials cognizance. As we drove past the charred hulks of sport-utility vehicles (SUVs) whose drivers had been less savvy than mine, and whose passengers had been less lucky than me, I wondered who else was infiltrating Iraq with the same ease I did...

"Near the old bridge where the charred bodies were strung up is the Julan neighborhood on the northwestern border of the town. I found the neighborhood's people sorting through the rubble of their destroyed homes, flattened as if by an earthquake. AC-130 gunships, attack helicopters, and even fighter planes had pummeled the neighborhood where Mujahideen held out. I found one man standing in the center of an immense crater that had been his home, his children playing on piles of bricks. Another man sat collapsed in despair in front of the gate leading to his home that had been crushed as if by a giant foot. He played with his worry beads indolently. One by one the men of the neighborhood asked me to photograph the damage US marines had inflicted upon them. As I was doing so a white sedan pulled up and two men covering their faces with checkered scarves emerged, demanding to know my identity. They were afraid of spies, they told me. I convinced them I was just a journalist and they escorted me to a mosque whose tower had collapsed from a US attack. In the still-seething Julan neighborhood, fighters were bitter about the compromise reached with the Americans that ended the fighting, and threatened to kill the leaders who had negotiated and approved the settlement."

- Nir Rosen: Fallujah: Inside the Iraqi Resistance -

"'I come from Florida, where you and others participated in what I call the United States coup d'etat. We need to make sure it doesn't happen again,' Brown said. 'Over and over again after the election when you stole the election, you came back here and said, "Get over it." No, we're not going to get over it. And we want verification from the world.'

"At that point, Buyer demanded that Brown's words be 'taken down,' or removed from the debate's permanent record.

"The House's presiding officer, Rep. Mac Thornberry, R-Texas, ruled that Brown's words violated a House rule.

"'Members should not accuse other members of committing a crime such as, quote, stealing, end quote, an election,' Thornberry said.

"When Brown objected to his ruling, the Republican-run House voted 219-187 along party lines to strike her words."

- Alan Fram: Fla. lawmaker says 2000 election 'stolen' -

"For the most part, we live in a free country. An example: Even though it's generally illegal to drive faster than 75mph on any road in the country, car manufacturers don't install electronic speed enforcers on vehicles. If you get caught driving too fast, resolving the matter is up to you and the highway patrol, and the police can't automatically collect money from Volvo every time your station wagon hits 71mph. But imagine what would happen if, before you were ever caught speeding, the highway patrol preemptively brought lawsuits against every entity responsible for your driving too fast.. Volvo, your tire manufacturer, the movie Speed, the ad firm who made the car look fast, and even NASCAR could be sued for 'inducing' you to speed.

"Sound ludicrous? Consider Orrin Hatch's ill-conceived INDUCE Act 0f 2004, which essentially enforces similar rules in the world of digital music. (Quite bizarrely, the term INDUCE stands for inducement devolves into unlawful child exploitation --if you discover the connection between copyright infringement and the exploitation of children, please let me know.)

"The act would illegalize anything that might make you more likely to infringe copyright. It's written in such overly broad language that you can't tell whether it would outlaw the iPod, tape recorders, libraries, the Internet, or just technology in general. After all, one could argue that all of these have made people more likely to commit copyright infringement."

- Eliot Van Buskirk: Why Orrin Hatch's INDUCE Act is insane -

"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong."

- George Carlin -

"Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world."

- Arthur Schopenhauer -

"I no longer respect Whoopi Goldberg."

- Freeper post -

"Christ, I just spent an hour searching and couldn't find one single accurate quote of what she actually said. The best I could come up with was she pointed to her crotch while referencing 'Bush.'"

- MD -

"I'm afraid you're going to have to be a little more specific."

- Whoopi Goldberg on The Whoopi Goldberg Show in answer to the question "Could you point me to the Bush affair?" on a day when her hotel was simultaneously hosting a lesbian wedding and a Republican dinner. -

"Boycott Slim-Fast! They also distribute Suave and Dove products. Walmart sells a lot of Unilever products. They will be very unhappy campers if we boycott all Unilever and Slim Fast products. Let Walmart know it's because Slim Fast fired Whoopi Goldberg."

- tell them -

"Boycott Whoopi!"

- tell them -

"After reading about the 'Hatefest' Democrat Party in Manhattan, N.Y., and the words that were spoken by the participants, including Whoopie Goldberg, I and my wife wish you to know we will not be purchasing Slim Fast any longer.. We, instead will be opting for Wal-Mart Equate brand, or some other product that is more to our liking, and way of thinking."

- Freeper post -

"I happen to use slim fast bars..but will not be buying anymore, until Whoopi apologizes to our President."

- Freeper post -

"Kuwait refused to allow a radioactive material-bound truck to enter the country as demanded by the US army, Kuwait Times reported Sunday. Kuwaiti customs department on Thursday impounded four trucks coming from Iraq for suspicion that they were loaded with radioactive material. After checkup, three of them were found not containing any radioactive material, while the fourth was found to be carrying a container of highly radioactive substance."

- Kuwait sends back truck carrying radioactive material -

"In the daily lives most of us lead, if you take responsibility for someone else's debt, it means you pay it; if you take responsibility for another's crime, you do the time; if you take responsibility for an utter disaster occurring that destroys the lives of others, you pay the price.

"But 9/11, as the neocons are quick to remind us, changed everything; including, obviously, the meaning of common English words like responsibility.

"In their new lexicon, it apparently means an empty confession of guilt without accepting any of the consequences, and a quick end to the matter: "There, I've accepted responsibility; now let's move on."

"You might call it 'Responsibility Lite'; all of the desirable focus-group-tested mea culpa public proteins, without the troublesome weight of disgraceful long-term calories."

- R.S. Janes: The Neocon Notion of Responsibility -

"I know it's a terrible thing when Whoopi Goldberg makes salacious fun of C-Plus Augustus's last name. I know that society may simply collapse. But Tucker Carlson is a professional communicator at the top of his profession who, because he couldn't come up with anything else to say at the moment, smugly dispatches the tragedy of a child whose guts were ripped out. (Later in the same show, he told co-host James Carville to 'Lighten up,' about his comments.) It was an interesting evening -- not only should Tucker Carlson have lost every job in the professional media that he has, and not only did he lose forever any right to criticize anyone for intemperate speech, he at that moment should have been shunned by decent people for the rest of his sorry life. Jacuzzi cases. Christ."

- Charles Pierce -

"Earlier this year, the Transportation Security Administration tried to retroactively restrict two pages of public congressional testimony that had revealed how its undercover agents managed to smuggle some guns past screeners. Presumably they were afraid a terrorist would read about it and try the method himself - but it would have made a lot more sense to seek some outsiders' input on how to resolve the putative problem than to try to hide it from our prying eyes. Especially when the information had already been sitting in the public record."

- Jesse Walker: Ten Reasons to Fire George W. Bush And nine reasons why Kerry won't be much better -

"Martha Stewart got what she deserved for perfectly folding fitted sheets. Anybody who does anything but roll those mothers into a ball and cram them in the closet has too much time on their hands. Might as well spend some in a cell block."

- Kristen Wedt -

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."

- Albert Einstein -

Palm Springs is looking for a new logo which is why Palm springs is having a logo contest. If you design logos, you could win a big $2,500 and take me to dinner.

If you want to learn how to be an animator, here's a pretty good place to start.

The very first computer games required typing and actual thinking, not just fast reflexes and a mouse. The very best were made by Infocom, and the very best of those was an amazing interactive version of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which is very clever and very smart. You can play all the old Infocom games here.

Yep, it's true, John Kerry was in a garage band. Was he any better a musician than Clinton? Find out here.

The worlds biggest list of hideously awful websites.

Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Saddam Hussein - president@whitehouse.gov

Embassy of France in the US: 202-944-6000
German Embassy in the US: 202-298-4000
Embassy of the Russian Federation: 202-298-5700
Embassy of the People's Republic of China: 202-328-2500
White House switchboard: (202) 456-1414
Contact your Senator - http://www.senate.gov/senators/senator_by_state.cfm
Contact your Representative - http://www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW.html
House and Senate switchboard: (202) 224-3121
Links to Central Government Agencies - http://www.firstgov.gov/

Mordechai Vanunu
c/o Cathedral Church of St. George
20 Nablus Road
PO Box 19018
Jerusalem 91190
Israel

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dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.

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Dustin D'Wind

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\            / \            /   \ '.\    /.' / ..-\                >/-.
/'._ -- _.'\ /'._ -- _.'\   /'. `'--'` .'\/   '._-.__--__.-_.'
\/_   `""""`   _\/_   `""""`   _\ /_ `-./\.-' _\'.    `""""""""`'`\
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"Oh my God, they killed the punchline!"

http://www.disinfotainmenttoday.com

Beating Inflation By Ignoring It

My health bill for the present year,
Is up thirty percent;
Add in my spouse's medicines,
Its like a second rent.

Inflation, Inflation,
No health care -
No inflation.

The cost of gas to run my car
Is going through the roof,
You gotta drive long miles to work
You know this pricey truth.

Inflation, inflation
No commute -
No inflation.

I'm paying higher premiums
For home and car insurance;
Though I have never filed a claim,
It's trying my endurance.

Inflation, inflation,
No cov'ridge -
No inflation

While local taxes rise and rise
Less services are free;
For many things I now pay twice,
That don't seem fair to me.

Inflation, Inflation
No service -
No inflation.

The goodies bosses once doled out
At places where I work,
Are now shared outlays, that's because,
They can't afford to perk.

Inflation, inflation,
No bennies -
No inflation.

While common costs of daily life
Continually do soar,
The government's bean counters opt
These costs to underscore.

Inflation, inflation,
Slick counting -
No inflation.

For more political verse: http://www.beltwaybard.com