Bartcop Entertainment - Tuesday, 15 July, 2003
Tuesday
15 July, 2003
(Updated Daily)
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Issue #63
Disinfotainment Today
By Michael Dare
"We only lie because it's good for you"
Issue #63
is brought to you by
Wipe that satisfied smile off her face
Summer Reading
or
Harry Potter vs. What's-His-Face
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is to the early charming Harry Potter adventures as the latest Star Wars film is to the early charming Star Wars films: an overblown display of an artist's ego unencumbered by much needed editorial interference.
The script for Attack of the Clones was so horrible that no studio on earth would have touched it if George Lucas's name weren't on it. Similarly, any editor in his right mind who received the manuscript for Order of the Phoenix written by anyone other than J.K. Rowling would have immediately cut out at least 300 pages. But telling Rowling, the most popular novelist on earth, that she over-wrote the damn thing, would have taken the same amount of balls it would have taken to tell George Lucas that he needs a psychiatrist.
A hit corrupts, an absolute hit corrupts absolutely, and Rowling and Lucas are prime examples. Apparently people who reach the commercial top of their game can get so taken by their creations that they think every whim is genius, and nobody involved will dare argue against such phenomenal success by hinting that the monstrosity laid before them might need a little tweaking.
Two small examples:
In Clones, there's a scene where what's-his-face and the-other-guy go up an elevator, and what an elevator it is, one of those outside jobs with a spectacular view of the most art-directed future city in the history of film, a view that gets better and better as the elevator goes up and up, and we know because we see it, but what's-his-face and the-other-guy DON'T see it because they face the other way and stare at the elevator buttons the whole trip.
Had a screenwriter been on the set, or anyone with common sense and a lot of nerve, they could have recommended to the director that this might be a superb opportunity to humanize the characters by having them do something remotely human. "Why not have the two of them face the other way and look at the view?" they might have asked. "Nobody rides in an outdoor elevator facing the buttons."
"Let the characters comment upon the sights," would have been an excellent suggestion. Let these guys say things meant for each other instead of just reciting expository meant for the audience. "I never get tired of this view," says what's-his-face. "Look, you can see The Sodomy Club from here," says the other guy.
But nobody dared offer a suggestion to the almighty Lucas, especially on the set, leaving us with a film full of people who refuse to behave like human beings. (of course, I know, they're NOT human beings, they're JEDI, but still...)
Same with Rowling and her poor hapless editors at Scholastic, who are enjoying success beyond their wildest dreams. If you removed everything from Phoenix that wasn't absolutely riveted to the story, you'd have a fun and rollicking adventure that moved like gangbusters, totally equaling the success of the previous books in under 400 pages. Instead, Scholastic has bestowed upon the marketplace an 870 page first draft, being read by millions of people, where the author blabs on and on about absolutely everything, apparently SO enamored of her own words she insisted the publisher leave every single syllable intact.
A small example: Harry has been banned from the living room so he sneaks outside and surreptitiously listens to the TV news from outside the window...
He kept listening, just in case there was some small clue, not recognized for what it really was by the Muggles -- an unexplained disappearance, perhaps, or some strange accident...but the baggage-handler's strike was followed by news on the drought in the Southeast ("I hope he's listening next door!" bellowed Uncle Vernon, "with his sprinklers on at three in the morning!"); then a helicopter that had almost crashed in a field in Surrey; then a famous actress's divorce from her famous husband ("as if we're interested in their sordid affairs," sniffed Aunt Petunia, who had followed the case obsessively in every magazine she could lay her bony hands on.)
Let us for the moment consider the Elmore Leonard version of this paragraph. "There was nothing but garbage on the television but Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were eating it up. What morons." He certainly wouldn't have bothered to blow our minds with the tidbit that Harry's uncle's neighbor occasionally leaves his sprinklers on.
I mean look at it. Here we have not only a list of everything Harry DIDN'T want to hear on the television, therefore meaningless to the story, but two parenthetical commentaries on the pointless list by peripheral characters who have nothing to do with anything. What possible reason do I need to know what's in the final parenthesis, where Aunt Petunia sniffs? Does it move the plot along? No. Does it elucidate character? Yes, it tells me that Aunt Petunia's a hypocrite, which is something I already knew. Indulgent reiteration from a writer who refuses to get to the point.
Not that sidetracks are always a bad thing. Tom Robbins wouldn't be Tom Robbins if he didn't occasionally veer wildly away from the story in order to ruminate on the nature of the moon, but he's forgiven because a) he's funny and b) he actually has something interesting to say about the nature of the moon. Rowling doesn't seem to have anything to say other than broad strokes like "no matter how bad things seem, they can get better and worse at the same time." She's telling a children's story in simple declaratory sentences, which is fine as long as she doesn't take 870 goddam pages to tell it. (Of course the New York Times disagrees. They think it's
brilliant.)
Phoenix is a sequel to the most popular series of all time. Rowling is secure in her success. She knows she's already got your interest so she neglects to pique it. Why bother. The above paragraph is a minor point, not PARTICULARLY bothersome, and easily forgiven if it weren't repeated throughout the opus, which you end up skimming. There are no whole chapters that can be deleted and few whole pages. It can't be edited by a lumberjack. It needs a surgeon willing go in and excise thousands of extraneous phrases that kill the momentum.
I should mention I'm not just a geek who picked up THIS one having ignored the rest. I've read every Harry Potter as they came out and was as enthralled with them as my kids, except for the last, which I used to put my budgie down. (Hit them over the head with the book.)
I stared at the books awaiting me next to the bed: Drop City by T.C. Boyle, The Bad Beginning, Book the First of A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket, and Jolie Blon's Bounce, the latest adventure of Louisiana detective Dave Robicheaux by James Lee Burke. I opened up Drop City and read "Outside was the California sun, making a statement in the dust and saying something like ten o'clock or ten-thirty to the outbuildings and the trees." A sentence already ten times more creative and interesting than anything in Phoenix, but it's unfair comparing such an adult writer with such a juvenile one.
Lemony Snicket is more in line with the child market, so I open to the first page: "If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle."
I'm already happier than I was reading Phoenix. It's a children's book aimed at the adult in the child rather than the child in the adult.
And so I made a decision I rarely do. I'm changing books in midstream. Once my local librarian actually asked for it back, telling me there were more than 60 requests for it, and I realized it would probably take me at least another month to slog through the damn thing, I decided to return Phoenix unfinished and move on to T.C. Boyle or James Lee Burke or Lemony Snicket. As masterful as her plotting and characters and ability to create a magical world may be, Rowling's style has turned into Stephen King at his worst, someone so enamored of their own words they seem to forget they're telling a story.
Sure, I want to know what happens next, but not THAT much. I'll wait for some screenwriter to whittle it down to the essentials. This is one case where the movie will be better than the book.
Unless it's directed by George Lucas.
The War Against Mother Nature
In January 2003, the Bush Administration revived an obscure 137-year-old loophole - known as R.S. 2477 - to allow special interests to convert old livestock trails, footpaths, even streambeds on our public lands into paved highways. Private interests could use this loophole to plow a spider web of roads through National Parks, Wildlife Refuges, National Forests, Wilderness Areas and potential wildlands. Good for mining and logging companies, great for oil & gas developers, bad for everyone else unless they add the Udall Amendment to the Interior Appropriations bill.
Tell your congressman to support the amendment, but be sure to make a big donation first.
Vietnam Redux
So Let's Hear it for Them
"The very people who traded in slavery helped to set America free."
- Dubya in Africa -
Picture Gallery of the Week
Fake Headlines of the Week
U.S. Offers $25 Million for Saddam
Saddam offers $50 million for Bush-
Ironic Times -
SADDAM SIGNS UP FOR DO-NOT-CALL LIST
Attempt to Elude Manhunt, U.S. Believes
Letter from Saddam
Good Morning Viet... I mean Iraq! And all you Infidels!
Please Don't Make Me Put My Family Back on eBay!
My Open Letter to President Bush
by Steve Young
Today is Canada Day - Please Carry On with What You Were Doing
Shape Magazine Declares July 'Let Yourself Go' Month
Bush, Rumsfeld Vow to Say "Whatever It Takes"
Google Smackdown of the Week
vs.and the winner is...
"You are an idiot" by 5,200
Shockwave of the Week
I Feel So Much Safer Now
Warmongers 'R' Us
The United States Army has developed and patented a new grenade that it says can be used to wage biowarfare. This is in violation of the Biological Weapons Convention, which explicitly prohibits development of bioweapons delivery devices.
US Patent #6,523,478, granted on February 25th 2003, covers a "rifle launched non lethal cargo dispenser" that is designed to deliver aerosols, including - according to the patents claims - crowd control agents, biological agents, [and] chemical agents..." The development of biological weapons delivery devices is absolutely prohibited - in any circumstance - by Article I of the 1972 Biological and Toxin Weapons Convention, to which the U.S. is a party. There is no exemption from this prohibition, neither for defensive purposes nor for so called non-lethal agents.
Calling All International Travelers
If you're leaving the country and want to reduce your chances of getting shot or kidnapped, be sure to wear
this t-shirt that says "I'm sorry my president's an idiot. I didn't vote for him." in lots of languages.
The War Against Plants
According to a
new study by Dr. Igor Grant, published in the
Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society, long-term and even daily marijuana use doesn't appear to cause permanent brain damage, adding to evidence that it can be a safe and effective treatment for a wide range of diseases. Dr. Grant had no comment upon the effects of long-term or daily listening to Phish.
Meanwhile, the Bush administration wants the Supreme Court's permission to
strip prescription licenses from doctors who recommend marijuana to sick patients. The administration asked the high court to strike down an appeals court ruling that blocked the punishment, or investigation, of physicians who tell patients they may be helped by the drug.
Understatement of the Week
"It is not easy to do the public's bidding."
Free Music
Internet Joke of the Week
How does George W. Bush change a light bulb?
1) He tells everyone that the allegedly burnt-out bulb is using the darkness to harbor terrorists and weapons of mass destruction thereby convincing Congress and the American public that he should be immediately allowed to change the light bulb.
2) Next he gets Donald Rumsfeld to refer to the bulb as a "dead-ender" in several Pentagon press briefings.
3) Thereafter he orders the Air Force and the Navy to attack the light bulb with cruise missiles and smart bombs for several weeks.
4) Then he sends in 250,000 soldiers and marines using night vision in to look for the burnt out bulb for the next three months
5) Meanwhile, he grants Halliburton, Bechtel, and the Carlisle group, multibillion dollar no-bid contracts to maintain the new bulb for the indefinite future.
6) Finally, after several years we learn that the bulb was actually fluorescent, really located in someone else's house, and it never burned out in the first place.
History Lesson from Hell
Benedict Arnold was court martialed and found guilty on two charges: using government wagons for his personal use and issuing a pass to a ship he later invested in. He's most famous for bargaining with the British during the war of independence.
Dick Cheney has used government property for his personal use, has gone to war to provide profits to a company he is heavily invested in, and bargained with Saddam Hussein during the Gulf War.
Don't Take My Word For It
"Here's a fun game: Imagine the Chinese government announces itself threatened by a secret American plot, and declares it is preparing preemptive military action against us. Making Beijing's case before the UN, President Hu Jintao waves around a set of documents laying out a complicated conspiracy. One of the documents purports to be from 'Prime Minister Richard Cheney of the Unionized States of America.' Another, dated October 2000, is signed by 'Secretary of State James Baker.' The Chinese would look absolutely deranged, relying on such obvious forgeries; the world would recoil in confusion and fear. Yet this is what our President did in his State of the Union address, when he cited similarly ludicrous forgeries as evidence Saddam was uranium-shopping in Niger."
"This is to be done by one skilled in aims
who wants to break through to the state of peace:
Be capable, upright, & straightforward,
easy to instruct, gentle, & not conceited,
content & easy to support,
with few duties, living lightly,
with peaceful faculties, masterful,
modest, & no greed for supporters.
Do not do the slightest thing
that the wise would later censure."
- Buddha: Sutta Nipata I, 8 -
"A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people."
- Thomas Mann -
"Just three days removed from these events, Americans do not yet have the distance of history. But our responsibility to history is already clear: to answer these attacks and rid the world of evil."
- Dubya: September 14, 2001 -
"Having forthrightly set out to rid the world of evil, first in Afghanistan, then in Iraq, has the United States, willy-nilly, become an instrument of evil? Lying (weapons of mass deception). Torture (if only by U.S. surrogates). The killing of children ('collaterally,' but inevitably). The vulgarization of patriotism (July Fourth's orgy of bunting). The imposition of chaos (and calling it freedom). The destruction of alliances ('First Iraq, then France'). The invitation to other nations to behave in like fashion (goodbye, Chechnya). The inexorable escalation ('Bring 'em on!'). The made-in-Washington pantheon of mythologized enemies (first Osama, now Saddam). The transmutation of ordinary young Americans (into dead heroes). How does all of this, or any of it, 'rid the world of evil'?"
"According to Ashcroft, the government won't release the names of detainees because doing so would tell Al Qaeda that we've arrested some of their agents. Apparently Al Qaeda is sophisticated enough to exploit the Freedom of Information Act, but wouldn't know if one of its agents has been rotting in a U.S. prison for two years."
"On July 6, George W. Bush turned 57. William White was born the same day in 1946. I mention this because, if you're old enough, you'd remember that young men were drafted for Vietnam based on a grim lottery - if your birthday was picked out of a hat, you went. I got White's name off a black wall in Washington. He went to Vietnam when George W went to the Air Guard in Houston. White never came back. Happy birthday, Mr. President."
"A few months after Rumsfeld joined the Bush Regime stable, the American master of war bagged an estimated $500,000 by cashing in his joint investment with Jiang Mianheng, son of former Chinese president Jiang Zemin. The pair had been partnered in Shanghai's Red Flag Software, which is used by the godless Chinese commies to, er, block attempts by American spies to penetrate Beijing's computer networks. Naturally, Red Rum was not bothered by these national security considerations--not when there was easy money to be had."
"The Bush regime couldn't give a rat's ass about catching terrorists, in fact they're against it. Thanks to them we've become the biggest group of terrorists on the planet, yes Amerika we've arrived, we're number one! If our CIA and FBI, which couldn't catch a cold, couldn't have rounded up a few hundred fellow psychopaths being led by a 6 ft. 5 in. tall Arab attached to a kidney dialysis machine I'm willing to bet that a real life Tony Soprano could. If we'd have said, 'Hey Vito it's a hit, take that monkey out,' we would have had Osama's head in a bowling ball bag inside of a week. No, we're not really trying to catch him, like I said thats not the point of this exercise in greed. The point is to steal the world!"
"The U.S. Department of Education plans to spend a half-million dollars - yes, a half-million dollars! - on a public relations campaign aimed at quieting the critics of No Child Left Behind. During three decades in Congress, I have never heard of such an ad campaign. Yet as schools are cutting early education programs for lack of money, the President has no problem with assembling an eight-person 'communications' team to try and make a bad plan look good."
- Senator Jim Jeffords -
"It shows that voters are sick and tired of having their electoral choices severely limited by a ruling class that has done everything in its power to maintain the status quo -- including the latest round of under-the-radar redistricting deals that make it all but impossible to unseat incumbents. And this is a bipartisan power play: In California, for instance, a secret redistricting deal agreed upon by both parties in 2001 created safe (i.e., voter-proof) seats for almost every member of the state Legislature."
"By civil liberties, I mean an individual's immunity from governmental oppression. A society which respects civil liberty realizes that the freedom of its people is built, in large part, upon their privacy. The Bill of Rights, in the eyes of its framers, was a catalogue of immunities, not a schedule of claims. It was, in other words, a Bill of Liberties. The immunities defined in this Bill of Liberties were set forth in order that the promise of individual freedom might be made explicit. The framers dreamed that if their hope were codified, man's energies of mind and spirit might be released from fear."
- Edward Bennett Williams: One Man's Freedom -
"One cannot directly perceive intelligence in another beyond the limit of one's own."
"So why is Martha Stewart being charged and prosecuted when no progress has been made in the hundreds of cases involving corrupt corporate executives? The money involved in Martha Stewart's stock deal is tiny compared to the Enron and Arthur Andersen scandals. The answer is easily found with a look at the 2000 election campaign finance records. Martha Stewart contributed to Al Gore and Bill Bradley. Fellow defendants Peter Bacanovic and Sam Waksal also contributed to Gore. President Bush has repeatedly stated that 'You are either with me or against me' and 'We will help our friends and punish our enemies.' With the 2004 election approaching, it's time that all Americans understand just what that means."
- Dale Ohda -
"There is the great, silent, continuous struggle: the struggle between the State and the Individual; between the State which demands and the individual who attempts to evade such demands. Because the individual, left to himself, unless he be a saint or hero, always refuses to pay taxes, obey laws, or go to war."
- Benito Mussolini -
"Probably all laws are useless; for good men do not want laws at all, and bad men are made no better by them."
- Demonax: Roman philosopher c. 150 A.D. -
"Life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat - eventually you get pissed off."
- Xarvon, alien investigator -
"I desire what is good. Therefore, everyone who does not agree with me is a traitor and a scoundrel."
- King George III of England (1738-1820) -
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape."
- Ben Baker -
Mr. Conspiracy Says...
On Oct. 27, 1941, FDR, locked in mortal combat with an America First Committee that was resisting his drive to war, played his trump. On Navy Day, at the Mayflower Hotel, FDR declared, "I have in my possession a secret map, made in Germany by Hitler's Government - by planners of the New World Order..." The Nazi plans for eradicating Christianity were never found. And the map? A forgery by British agent Ivar Bryce, who worked under Churchill's man William Stephenson, who had been given his mission: Provoke America to go to war with Germany. As Nicholas Cull relates in "Selling War: The British Propaganda Campaign Against American 'Neutrality' in World War II," the "most striking feature" of Bryce's fake map "was the complicity of the president of the United States in perpetrating this fraud."
Sound familiar?
Thank You, U.S. Supreme Court
Mandatory Listening
On Thursday, July 17, 2003, go to
http://www.meria.net and listen to her interview with Greg Palast.
The War Against Ourselves
In 2002, California issued more than $172 million in food stamps to recipients who were not entitled to receive them and failed to issue $79.5 million worth of food stamps to those who WERE entitled to receive them. What's the federal government doing about it?
Fining California $62.5 million. Yeah, that'll help.
Belated Christmas Gift from Hell
When you press a button on the $350 device,
the last 30 seconds of video are recorded for permanent storage.
Everything Else
There is nothing else. You now know everything there is to know.
Acknowledgment
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's fair use.
Thanks,
Satan
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'TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
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More Media Lies
Ashton Kutcher
Actor Ashton Kutcher is demanding an apology and
retraction--and is threatening a lawsuit--because of a widely reported
comment about Demi Moore that was attributed to him. It was included in
an interview "That 70s Show" star gave that was published last week by
the London Evening Standard and subsequently repeated by the press
worldwide--including this column.
In the story, Kutcher was reported as saying his new girlfriend Moore
"was the hottest actress in Hollywood when I was growing up. Now I'm
------- her."
Not only does Kutcher's publicist totally deny the actor ever made that
comment--the story's writer Jane Bussmann agrees! The free-lance
journalist says the paper made up the quotes and inserted them into her
piece, after it was filed. She also is demanding an apology.
The Standard is declining comment.
Ashton Kutcher
Thanks, Tim H!
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from that Mad Cat, JD
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In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Another hot one, but no where near as bad as out in the Valley. Air is still chunky, too.
Considering a trip behind the Orange Curtain to visit the Fair some day this week.
Tonight, Tuesday, CBS starts the night with a FRESH 'Big Brother 4', followed by a
RERUN 'The Guardian', then a RERUN 'Judging Amy'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Allison Janney, Nigella Lawson, and Howard Tate.
Scheduled on a FRESH Craiggers are Joe Pantoliano and Julius Sharpe.
NBC begins the evening with a FRESH 'dog Eat Dog', followed by a FRESH 'Last Comic Standing', then 'Dateline'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jay are Bill Maher, Serena Williams, and Hanson.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan is Antonio Banderas.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Peta Wilson and Northern State.
ABC opens the night with a RERUN '8 Simple Rules', followed by a RERUN 'Bonnie', then a RERUN 'Jim',
followed by a RERUN 'Less Than Perfect', then a RERUN 'NYPD Blue'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Daryl Hannah, Jamie Foxx, and Roscoe, with this week's guest co-host Jack Osbourne.
The WB offers a RERUN 'Gilmore Girls', followed by a RERUN 'Smallville'.
Faux has the 'All Star Game', and fills prime time on the left coast with 'Simpsons', 'King Of The Hill', 'Drew Carey', and more 'Simpsons'.
UPN has a RERUN 'One On One', followed by a RERUN 'Abby', then a RERUN 'Buffy'.
A&E has 'Biography' (Betty White), followed by 'Cold Case Files'.
AMC offers the movie 'Raggedy Man', followed by the movie 'Out Of Africa'.
BBC -
[7pm] 'Ground Force' - Norfolk;
[7:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Newcastle;
[8pm] 'Changing Rooms' - St. Ives;
[8:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Gower Peninsula;
[9pm] 'Ground Force' - Newcastle;
[9:30pm] 'Ground Force' - Thuro;
[10pm] 'What Not To Wear' - Matthew;
[10:30pm] 'What Not To Wear' - Claire;
[11pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Gillian Anderson;
[11:30pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Daryl Hannah;
[12am] 'Ground Force' - Newcastle;
[12:30am] 'Ground Force' - Thuro;
[1am] 'What Not To Wear' - Matthew;
[1:30am] 'What Not To Wear' - Claire;
[2am] 'Changing Rooms' - St. Ives;
[2:30am] 'Changing Rooms' - Gower Peninsula;
[3am] 'So Graham Norton' - Gillian Anderson; and
[3:30am] 'So Graham Norton' - Daryl Hannah. (ALL TIMES EDT)
Bravo has 'Cher: The Farewell Tour', followed by the Series Premiere of 'Queer Eye For The Straight Guy', then another
FRESH 'Queer Eye'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jon Stewart is Gary Hart.
History 'Modern Marvels', 'Motorcycles', then more 'Modern Marvels'.
SciFi has 'Ghost Stories V', 'Ghost Stories IV', 'Beyond Bizarre', and another 'Beyond Bizarre'.
TCM celebrates one of the most underrated directors of all time - William Dieterle (pronounced
pronounced "Dett-err-lee," not "Dee-turl) from dawn til dusk, then features 'historical' women all night.
[6am] 'Her Majesty Love' (1931);
[7:30am] 'Jewel Robbery' (1932);
[8:45am] 'Man Wanted' (1932);
[10am] 'The Firebird' (1934);
[11:15am] 'Dr. Socrates' (1935);
12:30pm] 'The Secret Bride' (1935);
[1:45pm] 'Satan Met A Lady' (1936);
[3pm] 'The Great O'Malley' (1937);
[4:15pm] 'The Life Of Emile Zola' (1937);
[6:15pm] 'Tennessee Johnson' (1942);
[8pm] 'Anne Of The Thousand Days' (1969);
[10:30pm] 'The Swan' (1956);
[12:30am] 'Marie Antoinette' (1938);
[3am] 'The Merry Widow' (1934); and
[5am] 'Queen Christina' (1933). (ALL TIMES EDT)
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
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This is a photo of Vincent van Gogh's 'Moonrise' painting provided by the Kroller-Juller Museum, in the Netherlands. South West Texas State University Physics Professor Don Olson was intrigued with the painting and after tracking the moon's cycle, he narrowed down when it was painted to 9:08 p.m. July 13, 1889 give or take a minute.
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The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
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Reflects on Career
Lily Tomlin
Rarely will Lily Tomlin make a joke about Michael Jackson or "Spider-Man." That's not the kind of stuff she does. Tomlin said jokes about celebrities and politicians do not appeal to her.
"Specifically, topical humor has never appealed to me very much, largely because it has no shelf-life," Tomlin told the Associated Press. "And secondly, because it's not human enough, it's not large enough."
Tomlin is looking back at her career in advance of the annual Mark Twain Prize for comedy on Oct. 26. The show will air one month later on PBS.
Lily Tomlin
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Economics Of TV Advertising
Steve Harvey
The economics of television advertising discriminate against black-oriented shows and those who work on them, says actor-comedian Steve Harvey.
Advertisers pay less for such programs even when the ratings equal or exceed those of other shows, Harvey told a meeting of the Television Critics Association on Sunday.
The result is, "African-Americans don't get to make what they deserve to make when they have a hit show," Harvey said, appearing before TV critics to promote his WB fall series, "Steve Harvey's Big Time."
Advertisers pay lower rates for programs that attract black audiences because they reason that blacks are among TV's more loyal customers, and it's easy to reach them across the TV dial, Harvey said.
Steve Harvey
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The bow and keel of a replica of the 55-foot keel boat which Capt. Meriwether Lewis had built in Pittsburgh for the Corps of Discover Expedition can be seen while parked on a trailer outside Pittsburgh's Heinz History Center Monday, July 14, 2003. Pittsburgh's two-week celebration bicentennial commemoration of the Lewis and Clark expedition is not one of the 15 nationally recognized 'signature events,' though it was from the city's shores that Lewis shoved off for the trip west to join William Clark. Are-enactment of the launch of thel boat is planned for Aug. 31, 200 years from the day Lewis set sail from Pittsburgh.
Photo by Keith Srakocic
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Will Watch Her Language
Sharon Osbourne
Sharon Osbourne and her husband, Ozzy Osbourne, are known for their salty remarks on their MTV reality show, "The Osbournes."
"People come into my home (on MTV) and that's the way I choose to live my life," she told the Television Critics Association Sunday. "Now I'm coming into their homes."
"It just wouldn't be a cool thing," she said, to use profanity on the syndicated talk show set to premiere in the fall.
Sharon Osbourne
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Pigboy Joins ESPN's 'NFL Countdown'
ESPN/Disney
Hate radio host Rush Limbaugh will soon be calling some signals for ESPN's weekly football preview "Sunday NFL Countdown."
Starting in September, Limbaugh, 52, will join the show's line-up as the "voice of the fan," delivering an opinion piece near the top of the two-hour telecast each week, the Walt Disney Co.-owned sports network said on Monday.
He also will weigh in three times during each show with a "Rush challenge," offering a counterpoint to commentary from the program's three regular analysts -- former NFL players Steve Young, Michael Irvin and Tom Jackson.
Limbaugh's first appearance on "Countdown" will be on Thursday, Sept. 4, just before the National Football League season opener that evening between the Washington Redskins and the New York Jets.
The syndicated radio personality came close to landing a spot as a TV gridiron commentator three years ago in talks with "Monday Night Football" on ABC, ESPN's sister broadcast network, but comedian Dennis Miller got the job instead.
ESPN/Disney
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Cheaping Out, Again
ABC/Disney
ABC has dumped summer reality shows, preferring to save money by repeating comedies it hopes will find broader audiences before new shows debut in the fall, executives said on Monday.
The money-losing network, trying to restore its programming punch, plans more comedies in prime time this fall than rival networks. It hopes profits will follow a return to the type of family-friendly fare that has carried ABC to the top of the ratings in the past.
One exception will be a summer reality show "The Real Roseanne Show," starring comedian Roseanne Barr.
ABC/Disney
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In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
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Fills New Jersey's Coffers
Bruce Springsteen
Bruce Springsteen stands to collect millions per night from his 10-concert stand beginning Tuesday. But the taxes he'll pay on his hefty paycheck pad state coffers and the state also will reap millions in revenues from parking, concessions and T-shirt sales. The state budget even gets a kick — $2 million in sales taxes from $38 million in Springsteen ticket sales.
Springsteen pulls in most of the gross ticket sales revenues, which total $3.8 million a night based on 55,000-seat sellouts at an average ticket price of $70, The Sunday Record of Bergen County reported. He then pays the E Street Band, his agent, and other expenses, including ushers, parking attendants and stadium concession workers.
The New Jersey Sports and Exposition Authority gets all the money from parking, up to $300,000 per night for Springsteen's shows. It will pull in another $125,000 or so from concessions and about $60,000 from T-shirt sales, about 10 percent of the night's T-shirt sales take.
Bruce Springsteen
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Fireworks explode behind the Eiffel tower to celebrate the closing of Bastille Day, France's national holiday, July 14, 2003. Thousands earlier lined the city's Champs Elysees to see the annual military parade. Bastille Day marks the storming of the Bastiile Prison during the French revolution.
Photo by Xavier Lhospice
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No-Show at Washington Concert
Ozzy Osbourne
Ozzy Osbourne was a no-show at Saturday night's Ozzfest concert at the new White River Amphitheatre (Auburn, WA).
Osbourne, whose family life is the subject of an MTV reality series, "The Osbournes," was reportedly recovering from laryngitis, which had caused him to miss a few previous shows. The Ozzfest Web site said Osbourne's doctor had ordered him to rest his vocal cords.
Ozzy Osbourne
www.ozzfest.com
www.mtv.com/onair/osbournes
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To Celebrate Sweet 16 on TV
Hilary Duff
Hilary Duff of "Lizzie McGuire" fame already has big plans for her 16th birthday in September.
The actress will star in two music specials for the WB network, one in connection with her Sept. 28 birthday and the other for Christmas for the 2003-2004 season, the network said Sunday.
Duff, who gained fame in Disney's "Lizzie McGuire" TV series and "The Lizzie McGuire Movie," said goodbye to the company after failing to reach agreement on a deal for a second "Lizzie" movie and new TV show.
Hilary Duff
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Honorary Order of the British Empire
Pierce Brosnan
Pierce Brosnan, star of the last four James Bond films, will be made an honorary OBE or officer of the Order of the British Empire — honorary, because the 50-year-old actor is Irish.
Brosnan serves as campaign chairman for the Entertainment Industry Foundation and as a special patron of UNICEF in Ireland.
The award will be presented by the British ambassador in Dublin, Stewart Eldon, on Saturday.
Pierce Brosnan
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Averts Crew Meltdown
Metallica
A Metallica crew meltdown on the Summer Sanitarium Tour almost grounded the band on Tuesday night (July 8) at New Jersey's Giants Stadium. While exact details of the crisis in the band's crew have not been made public, it was serious enough that an emergency meeting had to be called to resolve it before the day's show, and a local radio station appearance and some other fan-friendly endeavors had to be put on hold or delayed.
Lars Ulrich told LAUNCH that the problem was serious and had to be dealt with right away, and he feels bad that they couldn't meet with fans and media.
Summer Sanitarium also features opening acts Mudvayne, Limp Bizkit, Deftones, and Linkin Park.
Metallica
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Formerly 'The Vidiot'
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Exhibit Highlights Artistry
Ansel Adams
The subject of the four photographs is the same — the peak of Mount Robson in the Canadian Rockies, taken by a young Ansel Adams during a trip with the Sierra Club in 1928.
But each image is different, reflecting changes in light, weather and vantage point. The images also show a different Adams than the photographer who evolved into the man known for dramatic prints and conservation advocacy.
"Ansel Adams at 100," which opened Friday at the Museum of Modern Art's temporary gallery in Queens, focuses on 113 of the photographer's works from the 1920s to the 1950s. The show emphasizes that he started photography as someone "whose very original vision and work was very much a private experience," said Peter Galassi, chief curator of the department of photography at MoMA.
In his later years, Adams returned to his old negatives and reprinted the images, changing the interplay of light and dark to create dramatic images that spoke eloquently for the protection of the West's natural beauty.
Ansel Adams
Museum of Modern Art
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The walls of Jerusalem's Old City are lit as the moon rises behind the Tower of David, Monday July 14, 2003.
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Moves to Island Home
Ingmar Bergman
Swedish film legend Ingmar Bergman, who turned 85 on Monday, says from now on he will spend all his time on Faaroe, a beautiful, barren island in the Baltic Sea southwest of Stockholm where he has his own cinema and private retreat.
"Now I have stopped doing theater, film and television. Now there is only one documentary film which we will do during the summer. Now I will become an 'old Faaroe man' for good and will live there both summer and winter, which I'm looking forward to," Bergman said in an interview in a recently published local tourist brochure.
Later this year, the Swedish Film Institute will set up a Bergman web site based on, among other things, the contents of 45 packing cases containing film archives, personal letters and behind-the-scenes footage. Bergman donated the cases to the institute last year.
Ingmar Bergman
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Turns 80
Dale Robertson
Rancher and western film star Dale Robertson says there were times he didn't think he'd make it to 80.
"As the old saying goes, I'd have taken better care of myself," Robertson said in his gruff baritone.
The Harrah (OK) native, who turned 80 Monday, spends most of his days on his Yukon (OK) ranch with his wife.
His family, friends and movie business associates planned to celebrate his birthday at the Waterford Marriott Hotel.
The invitation-only party is sponsored by Barrick Gaming Corp. of Las Vegas. Robertson recently joined the organization as its "auditory ambassador," and his famous voice narrates all Web site, radio and television advertisements for the firm.
For a lot more & a good WWII story, from a real vet, Dale Robertson
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Mocks WMD Search
Message Via Google
The hunt for weapons of mass destruction isn't going so well in Iraq. It's not going so well on Google, either.
Type "weapons of mass destruction" into the Internet search engine and hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button. What you'll get is an authentic-looking error message created as a lark by a British pharmacist now enjoying his 15 minutes of Internet fame.
"These Weapons of Mass Destruction cannot be displayed," it reads. "The country might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your weapons inspectors mandate."
Anthony Cox, 34, of Birmingham, England, created the site in February to get a few chuckles from friends. Those friends — and friends of their friends — started linking to his page from their sites and Web diaries.
"It was really just a private joke among a few individuals and then I sent it off to a newsgroup," he said. "It just spread like wildfire throughout February. ... And then it started to die down during the war. During that time it had accumulated links from other Web sites, which pushed it up the Google page ranking system.
For more, Message Via Google
Cox's site
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Survive by Catering to Families
Drive-Ins
Born in the 1930s from America's love of film and automobiles, drive-ins have survived despite 24-screen multiplexes, digital surround sound, reclining high-backed chairs and stadium seating.
They have done so by providing affordable double features, a family friendly atmosphere and a little nostalgia.
The number of drive-ins peaked in 1958 at 4,063, according to the Germantown, Md.-based owners' group, which has 145 member theaters in the United States and Canada.
Today, there are 433 left in the United States. Ohio and Pennsylvania have 37 each, the most of any state. New Jersey, where the first drive-in was built in 1933, doesn't have any left, according to the drive-in association.
For a lot more, Drive-Ins
United Drive-in Theatre Owners Association
National Association of Theatre Owners
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A snow tiger, shown June 24, 2003, is one of the many new stars of Parrot Jungle Island in Miami. Parrot Jungle Island, which was part of a generation of roadside attractions in Florida when it started up in 1936, opened its new $47 million home in early July on Watson Island in Biscayne Bay.
Photo by Hillery Smith Shay
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'Ark of Darkness'
"The Ark of Darkness", a Political/Science-Fiction work, in tidy, weekly installments (and updated every Friday).
Grab a box of Kleenex and follow the adventurers as they confront their darkest inner demons.
Chapter 14 - The Tower Of Lost Things
~
This Friday
Chapter 15 - Wizard's Treasure Room
Let me know what you think!
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'The Osbournes'
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 5
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 4
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
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