Bartcop Entertainment - Tuesday, 10 June, 2003

"All the news that's unfit to print"

is brought to you by

And They Say the UN is Unnecessary

Look what happens when you add "UN" to the following statement...

"The war to rid Iraq of destructive weapons was UNjustified, and the UNtruth about Saddam Hussein's ability to create and use deadly germs and bombs will come in time. We're on the look. We'll reveal the UNtruth."

- George W. Bush in a speech to 1,000 cheering troops -

What? Only 25?

Project Censored has a new page of the Top 25 Censored Media Stories of 2001-2002.

The US military made this short film warning our troops about depleted uranium in the field but never showed it to them.

The War Against America

A government study has found that children of veterans of the first Gulf War are more likely to have three specific birth defects than those of soldiers who never served in the gulf.

I Feel So Much Safer Now

Three Dominican nuns are facing five to eight years in federal prison for obstructing national defense by cutting a fence around a missile silo.

John Ashcroft wants more power.

Bush and Blair have been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.

The U.S. used weapons of mass destruction in Afghanistan.

Ed Rosenthal got one day in prison for growing marijuana.

The United States will not pursue deterrence or containment policies in its so-called war on terrorism but will instead seek to utterly destroy its enemies, said Vice-President Dick Cheney.

The US deputy defense secretary, Paul Wolfowitz, actually admitted the Iraq War was about oil, but http://www.guardian.co.uk/ has mysteriously removed the story.

Music Video You'll Never See on TV

Bush and Blair team up for Gay Bar.

Radio Show of the Week

Meria Heller has revamped her site and her show is better than ever, with excellent interviews, outrageous political music, and scatter-gun delivery of news no one else is telling you. Miss the live show in the morning and you can still hear it all day, for free, so there's no excuse for missing out.

Response to Pictures of the "Fence"

"I was shocked to read your outrage over the fact that Israel would 'dare' to put up a wall to prevent its citizens from being murdered by these so-called 'Palestinians.' It's funny how so much of the left (btw I'm a liberal) is silent when it comes to the mass murder of Jews in Israel but finds it so objectionable when Israel acts in self-defense as a result.

"Furthermore those territories are not 'occupied' by Israel and they don't belong to the 'Palestinians.' Since when is land that is acquired through a war of self-defense an occupation, especially considering that the previous rulers, Jordan, illegally occupied Judea and Samaria (the west bank) between 1948-1967? I would suggest such clueless ignorant people refrain from commenting on that which they know nothing about. It's truly sad that so many self-proclaimed 'progressives' have sided with the Arab fascist nazis."

- LIEBS98@aol.com -

Response to Response to Pictures of the "Fence"

Dear LIEBS98@aol.com,

1) I'm not on anyone's side other than all ordinary people just trying to get on with their lives. The murder of innocent people is wrong under ALL circumstances, whether Palestinians killing Israelis or Israelis killing Palestinians.

2) My outrage was not over Israel's decision to defend itself but over the American media's complete misrepresentation of the true nature of the "fence," which takes many shapes.

Check out this story of how the "fence" doesn't just protect Israel from terrorists but literally ruins the Palestinian economy.

3) The "fence" doesn't solve the problem, it exacerbates it. Here's a little quiz...

If you were to commit suicide by blowing yourself up, it would be because...

a) you were happy as a lark.

b) your situation seemed hopeless.

If you wanted to stop people from blowing themselves up, you would...

a) give them hope.

b) build a fence that separates them from their jobs, their agricultural fields, and the rest of society.

The fence makes the lives of Palestinians MORE hopeless. It will cause MORE suicide bombings. It's a BAD idea. For the same cost as the "fence," Israel could give all the Palestinians homes and jobs. Giving hope is the ONLY thing that stops suicide.

SAT Question From Hell

Ken Lay giving big money to Republicans is to "no indictment for fraud" as Martha Stewart giving big money to Democrats is to...

Futile Political Action of the Week

Mordechai Vanunu told the London Times about Israel's nuclear weapons program. Israel sentenced him to 18 years in prison. He spent more than 11 years in solitary confinement. He gets out next year, but that doesn't mean it's too late to join The U.S. Campaign to Free Mordechai Vanunu.

Cartoon of the Week

Don't Take My Word For It

"If you follow the greater majority on earth they would lead you astray. They follow nothing but the conjectures of others and mislead those who follow them."

- Qur'an, Al-An'am, Surah 6:117-18 -

"Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions."

- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. -

"As I am, so are others;
as others are, so am I."
- Buddha: Sutta Nipata 705 -

"Most intelligent Americans already know you can't trust what you see on the TV news. But it's very important to point that out to your friends and neighbors who think they can. If you base what you believe on what you see on TV, you are guaranteed to be deceived. From the perspective of the future, I see Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, Peter Jennings and Wolf Blitzer as stick figure puppets dancing on the strings of their masters, mouthing false words scripted by drooling demons counting their money in advance of their latest robbery. How else can one explain the total absence of the most important issues to all humanity on the TV news?"

- John Kaminski: Solving the enigma of media manipulation -

"What the Republicans pieced together is the most deceptive measure Washington has produced in years. It masquerades as a $350 billion, ten-year tax cut. But many of its central provisions expire within a few years, not ten. Since no one expects a future Congress and president to let these tax cuts expire, the real cost of the bill--which, to start with, is severely tilted toward the wealthy--will top $800 billion and possibly reach $1 trillion."

- David Corn: Where's the Outrage? -

"Recent suicide bombings in Riyadh and Casablanca proved with bloody eloquence that Al Qaeda and similar extremist groups are anything but 'on the run,' as George W. Bush puts it. Bush's tactics are a 100 percent failure, yet his band of clueless Christian soldiers continues to go after mosquitoes with shotguns. 'So far,' Bush furiously spun after the latest round of attacks, 'nearly one-half of Al Qaeda's senior operatives have been captured or killed,' promising to 'remain on the hunt until they are all brought to justice.'

"Can Bush really be this stupid? All underground organizations, including Al Qaeda, employ a loose hierarchical structure. No individual member is indispensable, so the capture of even a high-ranking official cannot compromise the group. Each lost member is instantly replaced by the next man down in his cell. It doesn't matter whether we catch half, three-quarters or all of Al Qaeda's leadership--hunting down individual terrorists is an expensive and pointless game of whack-a-mole. Only Allah knows how many eager recruits have sprung up, hydra-like, to fill Khalid Sheikh Mohammad's flip-flops."

- Ted Rall: The Fictional War on Terrorism -

"Hitler was a troubled, difficult person, but there is no evidence of any genuine insanity or psychosis (see Dr. Fritz Redlich's excellent study, "Hitler, Diagnosis of a Destructive Prophet"). It is precisely this fact that made him, and makes those like him, all the more dangerous. It is easy to dismiss a genuine lunatic."

- John Chuckman: Through a glass darkly: An interpretation of Bush's character -

"More collect phone calls are made on Father's Day than on any other day of the year. Dads take the call, on Father's Day or any other day. And pay for it. All dads are brothers who know what it's like to one moment be the pride of the state and in the next find your self in an isolated state."

- Noah ben Shea: What You Always Wanted to Thank Your Father for But Never Got around to Saying -

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished how much he had learned in seven years."

- Mark Twain -

"There is only one way to defeat the enemy, and that is to write as well as one can. The best argument is an undeniably good book."

- Saul Bellow -

"Turns of speech conceal mediocre affections: as if the fullness of the soul might not sometimes overflow in the emptiest of metaphors, since no one, ever, can give the exact measurements of his needs, nor of his conceptions, nor of his sufferings, and the human word is like an outworn, battered timbal upon which we beat out melodies fit for making bears dance when we are trying to move the stars to pity."

- Gustave Flaubert -

"Squeeze human nature into the straitjacket of criminal justice and crime will appear"

- Karl Kraus -

"We were simply wrong. It was a surprise to me then, it remains a surprise to me now, that we have not uncovered [nuclear, chemical or biological] weapons. Believe me, it's not for lack of trying. We've been to virtually every ammunition supply point between the Kuwait border and Baghdad, but they're simply not there."

- Lt. Gen. James Conway, commander of the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force -

"How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg."

- Abraham Lincoln -

"Error runs around the world before the truth can get its boots on."

- Who knows -

"I get drunk, I get mad, I get thrown from horses, I get all sorts of things. But I don't get edited. I'd rather see my wife get fucked by the stableboy."

- William Faulkner -

"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."

- Jesus Christ: The Gospel of Thomas -

"Facts must be distorted, relevant circumstances concealed, and a picture presented which by its crude coloring will persuade the ignorant people that their Government is blameless, their cause is righteous, and that the indisputable wickedness of the enemy is beyond question. A moment's reflection would tell any reasonable person that such obvious bias cannot possibly represent the truth. But the moment's reflection is not allowed; lies are circulated with great rapidity. The unthinking mass accept them and by their excitement sway the rest. The amount of rubbish and humbug that pass under the name of patriotism in wartime in all countries is sufficient to make decent people blush when they are subsequently disillusioned."

- Arthur Ponsonby: Falsehood in Wartime, 1928 -

"Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind."

- George Orwell: Politics And The English Language -

"Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, they send forth a ripple of hope, and crossing each other, from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current, that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance."

- Robert Francis Kennedy -

TV Show of the Week

Crossing Under
(The show for those with loved ones in Hell)

By Ian Wolff
� 2003

    "I'm getting something about a person that abused alcohol and died young from liver disease," said psychic extraordinaire, Ian Wolff, causing several audience members to raise their hands.
    "That's my brother!" shouted a woman in the front row.
    "No way!" blurted the gentleman seated directly behind her. "That's my ex-wife."
    "Impossible!" cried a lady from the back of the hall. "That's my husband, Waldo!"
    "Well I'll be darned," I replied, while feigning shock. "Now that you mention it, I am getting a Waldo kind of feeling."
    "Is he here with me now?" queried the woman.
    "Yes," I replied. "He's sprawled out right behind you, in a puddle of acid reflux. Does that sound familiar to you?"
    "Oh yes, yes indeed!" she decried, as tears welled in her eyes. "That's my Waldo alright!"
    "Is there anything that you'd like me to tell him?" I asked.
    "Yes," replied the woman. "Tell that no good suds-sucking loser that I used the money from his life insurance policy to pay for my wedding to his brother."
    "He knows that," I replied, "and he's asked me to tell you that, as we speak, Satan is preparing your room."

    The woman slumped back down into her chair as the crowd buzzed with whispered accolades such as:
    "He's good."
    "He's the real thing."
    "He's no charlatan."

    Emboldened by their lavish praises, I studiously pressed onwards.

    "I'm getting something about someone who had a criminal background and frequently used God's name in vain," I announced. "Does this ring a bell with anyone here?"

    The entire hall exploded with a virtual plethora of claimants.

    "That's my father!"
    "That's my uncle!"
    "That's my parish priest!" etc...

    The last of which I leapt upon with a vengeance. "Yes!" I bellowed. "Now that you mention it, I am hearing something like "I was unfairly defrocked."
    "He's not behind me right now, is he?" gasped the young man, while nervously fidgeting with the hoisting and subsequent tightening of his trousers.
    "Not at the moment," I replied.
    "Thank goodness," sighed the lad.
    "Only when you're asleep," I added, causing the young man to dart from the hall whilst shrieking a chorus of highly unrepeatable profanities.

    Never one to suffer a lull when on a roll, I once again and without a moments hesitation -- blazed on.

    "I'm sensing someone who -- during their earthly existence, committed several marital infidelities. Does this sound familiar to anyone he-"

    Needless to say -- this particular query was rudely interrupted by a monstrous cacophony of shrilled cries.
    "That has got to be my Louise!"
    "You're crazy, that's my Frankie all over!"
    "You're both nuts!" shouted the stringently bald gentleman seated just astride me. "That's my Peggy, sure as I live and breathe. She turned more tricks than David Copperfield!"
    "Yes!" I proclaimed, while scratching at my chin. "Now that you mention it - I am hearing the name Peggy, and, if I'm not mistaken - I also smell the pungent aroma of a perfume that's best known to retired ex-graduates of The Naval Academy."
     "That's my Peggy for sure!" blubbered the poor little man, through a storm of nose bubble inducing tears. "Is she here with me now?" he pressed.
    "No," I replied. "It's Fleet Week in Hell, the kid's busy."

    The hall roared its approval-

    "He's amazing!" they chimed. "He's the real deal!"

    Up rose the chant -

    "Go Ian, go Ian, go Ian - you go Wolff!"

    Eat your heart out, John Edwards.

History Lesson from Hell

From Sacramento Business Journal - November 26, 2001:

Media Exec Hopes to Cash in on TV Consolidation

Frank Washington, the CEO of System Integrators Inc. until the Sacramento newspaper-software company was sold in June 2000, heads a new company these days called Moon Shot Communications. And his new goal is to make a lot of money in the next several years by buying TV stations across the country, waiting for their value to increase, and then selling them to the highest bidders.

Washington believes the stations will command higher prices if the Federal Communications Commission loosens rules limiting the number of broadcast TV stations a media company can own in the same market -- a change he expects to happen over the next few years.

The change would uncork a consolidation-driven buying frenzy like the one that began in radio 10 years ago. By buying now and selling later, Moon Shot would try to pocket some fat capital gains.

Washington and four partners are working with investors and the Carlyle Group of Washington, D.C., a major private-equity firm, to line up stations they might buy. They figure they can assemble groups of TV stations for good deals now, by purchasing TV stations owned mostly by small companies outside large U.S. markets. Washington counts on the sellers not seeing the same potential in their properties that he does.

Dear Dr. Hollywood,

I've been told to put together a "press kit" by an agent interested in me. I've never done this before so I don't know what that means.

Thanks,

Kevin

Kevin,

Thank you for braving time and space to contact me.

Sounds to me like your agent is acting like a publicist. I have no idea why he would want a press kit on you unless he was trying to drum up some press. Press kits are sent to newspaper or magazine editors in order to induce them to assign a writer to a story, or to writers in order to fill them in on information before an interview so they don't have to ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" Sound like something you need? Were you considering hiring a publicist? Would "publicity" help you in any other way than stroking your ego? I didn't think so. Writers, other than super-famous ones, don't have publicists.

I have a feeling he just wants ammo to pitch you, a bio, not a press kit. In case you feel like fulfilling the assignment, simply write about yourself in the second person, as though you were reading an article about yourself. Make yourself sound like the second coming of Preston Sturges. Pretend you've got a book coming out and write what the back cover would say about you that would make people want to read the book. Call the publicity department of ANY studio, tell them you're writing an article about one of their films for such-and-such a magazine or newspaper, and you need a press kit. It's their job to send one to you. Go to ANY site devoted to a film and read the kind of publicity bullshit posted all over the place. There's always a bio of the writer. Include actual quotes from other people about yourself. Try to remember every good thing that anyone has ever said about you and quote them. Include a picture where you don't look like Norman Mailer.

Mandatory reading: Kilroy's Still Here by Sean Penn, We Used to Impeach Liars by William Rivers Pitt, and Liar Liar.

The Lovearth Network is opposed to cunning and deceit, so politicians aren't their favorite people. It's a smorgasbord of thousands of EcoHumanePolitical links all out to save the planet.

You know something's wrong when Pat Buchanan is the voice of reason. Check out An Unnecessary War.

What exactly are we looking for? Just so you'll know 'em when you see 'em, here's a picture gallery of weapons of mass destruction.

Those mobile labs they found in Iraq weren't for producing chemicals.

Certainly you've got something better to do than check out this giant list of the worst country song titles of all time.

Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Saddam Hussein - press@uruklink.net (might be full)

Contact Kim Jong Il - eng-info@kcna.co.jp

Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int

Contact the Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Embassy of France in the US: 202-944-6000
German Embassy in the US: 202-298-4000
Embassy of the Russian Federation: 202-298-5700
Embassy of the People's Republic of China: 202-328-2500
Embassy of Belgium in the US: 202-625-5801
White House switchboard: (202) 456-1414
Contact your Senator -
http://www.senate.gov/senators/senator_by_state.cfm
Contact your Representative -
http://www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW.html
House and Senate switchboard: (202) 224-3121
Links to Central Government Agencies - http://www.firstgov.gov/

Don't let this happen to you.

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Acknowledgment

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's fair use.

Thanks,

Satan

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Bartcop Entertainment - Tuesday, 10 June, 2003

Tuesday

10 June, 2003

(Updated Daily)

Issue #58

Disinfotainment Today

'TBH Politoons'

He's Been Busy!

The Worried Shrimp

Long Gone John, Indie Rock's Anti-Mogul

A Label All His Own

from Mark

Balloons Of Mass Destruction

In The Chaos Household

Last Night

Takes Open-Ended Break From TV

David Letterman

The Information One-Stop

Moose & Squirrel

Online Fans Speak

'Give 'Em Hell, Martha'

Hundreds Show For Signing

Hillary Clinton

They're Back

'V'

CNN's Renames Show

Lou Dobbs

Status of 'NYPD Blue'

Steven Bochco

In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

British Censors Finally OK Nicholson Movie

'The Trip'

Seeks 'Nutcracker' Alumni

School of American Ballet

Wedding News

Winslet & Mendes

Launching Celebrity Wake-Up Service

Pam Anderson

The Next Paula Zahn?

Soledad O'Brien

Formerly 'The Vidiot'

Ruminates About Childhood

Patti Davis

Fan Electrocuted At Concert

Red Hot Chili Peppers/Snoop Dogg

Buys For 3rd Time

Hughes TV Network

NBC Reality Show to Air

'For Love or Money'

MSGOP's Latest Job Training Program

Jesse Ventura

List of Winners

2003 Tony Awards

In Memory

Trevor Goddard

'Ark of Darkness'

Chapter 9 - Inferno

~

This Friday

Chapter 10 - Beyond the Everlasting Wall of Darkness

'The Osbournes'

Welcome !