Quiz of the Week
If I say this is red, you will immediately know one of four things:
a) There's something wrong with your screen.
b) You didn't click on the link.
c) I'm insane.
d) I'm trying to be funny.
You may proceed if you choose d):
If anybody says anything that contradicts what you can see with your own damn eyes, you will immediately know one of three things:
a) There's something wrong with your brain.
b) They're insane.
c) They're trying to be funny.
You may proceed if you choose d):
If you say something that contradicts what everyone else can see with their own damn eyes, they will immediately know one of three things:
a) You are insane.
b) You are insane.
c) You are trying to be funny.
You may proceed if you choose a) or b):
If God was a watermelon would he be:
a) seedless.
b) seedful.
c) just trying to be funny.
It's that time of year again when network executives roll out their new fall schedules. Here's what's "new" for this fall:
CBS: The Tiffany web has eight new entries, all with "CSI" in the title. My personal favorite is "CSI: Survivor," the first reality show to kill off a contestant each week. If it works, look for a celebrity version.
NBC: With no hits other than Donald Trump's "The Apprentice," the peacock has ordered ten new shows from The Donald, among them, "Call Me a Cab," "Pick Up My Laundry," and "Scrape The Crap Off My Shoe."
ABC: Disney's pinning its hopes on "Extreme Pillsbury Bake-Off," which pits American housewives against Japanese sumo wrestlers in a contest whose rules were still being worked out at press time.
FOX: Not content to wait until fall to cancel its new shows, Fox will instead begin canceling them this summer when they debut six series one month early, all of them having something to do with embarrassing talentless people, a proven formula.
WB: The WB hopes it can turn a profit this year by cutting costs, so all seven of its new shows have the same cast, plot, and location. They could have saved more by not filming the shows in the first place, but that's too logical.
UPN: This network went off the air two years ago, but nobody noticed.
(Mr. TV is not responsible for his opinions.)
Letter of the Week
Dear Mr. Dare,
I feel I need to react to certain comparisons made from time to time between the mistakes of Mr. Clinton and Mr. Bush. As we know, Mr. Clinton's biggest mistake was that he was caught with his pants down. And Mr. Bush's biggest mistake was that he was caught with exposed weapon as well, but unfortunately not in metaphoric sense.
No matter what double entendres one used to find similarities in these two, the fact is that they are incomparable. I would rather see a video of Clinton and Lewinsky in flagranti (if there was any) ten times than to see the beheading of Nick Berg just once.
To make it clear: what Clinton did (with whomever) was a pleasant act of unity of two bodies and two minds that really wanted it and enjoyed it. It is called sex and, as long as everybody's doing it out of free will, it is beautiful. Clinton is a very charming man and I don't think he ever needed to force anybody to anything. Therefore, the only ones who might've found themselves hurt or insulted by this were the members of his family.
What Bush does is destroying other countries and making other people's lives miserable. It is not nice at all because the affected people were never asked if they agree with it and if they were, I don't think the answer would've been positive. Basically, what Bush does is similar to rape. Rape is not nice. It deserves all the loathing and abomination of the world.
Yet there are people who were near to impeaching Clinton for having sex (the nice, pleasant thing we all do on the weekends and then we come to work on Monday with that big "you-know-what" grin on our faces). Where are those people now, when the basic human rights are being violated under the consent of a leader whose charms can hardly compete with those of a manic-depressive baboon? I'm sorry, but I don't know what to think about the world in which there is more loathing shown for people having sex than people leading wars. In any case I don't feel like bringing kids into such world.
Call me a hippie, but I think all of them - Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld - should take this alternative into consideration. I mean sex. I know they might've given up on it after they found out they could hardly get any without forcing anyone to it - but it's still worth trying. They would find it is far more fun than the occupation of Arabic countries. And there are far less aggravating consequences (especially if you "take care", you know what I mean, nudge-nudge).
But those who worry me the most are those normal, common people who still think that the war in Iraq was OK and the Clinton-Lewinsky affair wasn't. There are thousands of them. I'm too afraid to think there might be even millions of them. It is the people with a right to vote. If nothing else can change their minds, somebody should tell them that they'll end up in hell if they go on thinking that way.
I don't know what else to say. I really appreciate your work and wish you to keep on with it. And to keep on making at least one person happy through sex (you know, that thing that Clinton invented) than millions of them miserable through wars and voting for wrong people.
Sincerely,
Anna Heberer, Germany
Great Minds Think Alike
Ism is a rap band with no problem saying what's on their mind, which, at the moment is Fuck the FCC!
Eric Idle has more manners about the whole thing. Check out his charming little ditty for the FCC, Fuck You Very Much.
Hmmm of the Week
Way back on Sept. 18, 2001, I made a modest proposal which could have prevented the whole Abu Ghraib prison scandal. If only they had listened. Reprinted without my permission...
There's a 1964 film starring James Garner called "36 Hours." As written by Roald Dahl, who later became one of the greatest children's authors of all time with "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and "James and the Giant Peach," it tells the tale of an army major who wakes up from a coma in a VA hospital after the war. His first question, of course, is "Did we win?" He's told America did indeed win the war, that the invasion of France was a complete success. He says "Thank God the attack at Normandy worked."
It's all just a ruse. It's actually a German Hospital full of actors who speak perfect English, it's actually BEFORE D-Day, and he has just given away our invasion plans to the enemy.
Good idea. Here's the plan.
We capture Osama bin Laden [or any of his cohorts] and knock them out. We crank them full of LSD and sodium pentathol and let them wake up in paradise with the 77 virgins he's expecting to greet him, a Dept. of Defense/Dreamworks Production. Let him meet Allah, played by Charlton Heston, but only if Regis Philbin isn't available. Allah says "Welcome to paradise. It's time for the final reckoning. Many acts were done in your name for which I wish to give you credit. Tell me all you did or planned to do in my name."
And they spill the beans. We find out everything they did or planned to do, information that would be totally lost by just killing them.
Then Allah pulls off his fake beard and says "Surprise!"
Mr. Conspiracy Says...
The new Skull and Bones is "Opus Dei," an offshoot of the Catholic Church that all the neo-cons are joining. Don't take my word for it. Look it up at Google.
Thank God Because We All Need Protection from This Guy
A U.S. soldier was sentenced to a year in prison for deserting his unit in Iraq, a decision he says he doesn't regret making after seeing the horrors of an "oil-driven" war." Staff Sgt. Camilo Mejia received the maximum penalty for not returning to his Florida National Guard unit after a two-week furlough in October.
Film of the Week
Headline I Almost Considered Using
Preposterumously Speaking
Gallery of the Week
(you just know this trend has got to move from Japan to the US)
Finish your Shakespeare Before Dessert
SONNET XXXV
No more be grieved at that which thou hast done:
Roses have thorns, and silver fountains mud;
Clouds and eclipses stain both moon and sun,
And loathsome canker lives in sweetest bud.
All men make faults, and even I in this,
Authorizing thy trespass with compare,
Myself corrupting, salving thy amiss,
Excusing thy sins more than thy sins are;
For to thy sensual fault I bring in sense--
Thy adverse party is thy advocate--
And 'gainst myself a lawful plea commence:
Such civil war is in my love and hate
That I an accessary needs must be
To that sweet thief which sourly robs from me.
And Blockbuster is Going to Start Sticking it's
Fingers Down Your Throat and Making you Barf
A "Clear Strategy" for the Future of Television
"The broadcast networks are not expected to carry President Bush's Primetime speech Monday night, in which he will lay out a 'clear strategy' for the future of Iraq."
Song of the Week
Al Roker
Sung to the tune of "Tomorrow" from the Broadway show "Annie"
Al Roker
Al Roker
I luvs yuh
Al Roker
You're only a dream away
Don't Take My Word For It
"But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood."
- Ezekial 33:6 -
"One of the strange things about it is that politics is now presented in terms of politicians and not politics. I don't think the media are interested in politics. They're interested in politicians, which is a wholly different subject."
- Tony Ben, former member of the British Parliament, in Orwell Rolls in his Grave
"A cough drop the governor reputedly sucked on, then tossed half-finished into a trash can, was put up for auction on eBay, listed under the heading 'Schwarzenegger's DNA.' It was just as quickly taken down after eBay decided it fell into the category of 'body parts,' which the Web site will not list for sale."
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have eBay working for you."
- Will Rogers updated -
"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those that are worth committing."
- Samuel Butler -
"When you're up to your ass in alligators, it's hard to remember that you started out to drain the swamp."
- Robert Anton Wilson, Shrödinger's Cat -
"Sometimes I go into my own little world. But that's okay: they know me there."
- Joel Hodgeson: SNL -
"The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote."
- Kosh: Babylon 5 -
"My heroes are Larry Bird, Admiral Byrd, Lady Bird, Sheryl Crow, Chick Corea, the inventor of birdseed and anyone who reads to you even if she's tired."
- Big Bird -
"It's taken more than 50 years of TV evolution, but the prime-time rerun is rapidly becoming an endangered species. With the six broadcast networks unveiling their 2004-05 schedules to advertisers this week, it's become clearer than ever that TV bosses are taking sledgehammers to the templates that have ruled nightly household viewing since the waning years of the Truman administration."
"Of 415 historians who expressed a view of President Bush's administration to this point as a success or failure, 338 classified it as a failure and 77 as a success. (Moreover, it seems likely that at least eight of those who said it is a success were being sarcastic, since seven said Bush's presidency is only the best since Clinton's and one named Millard Fillmore.) Twelve percent of all the historians who responded rate the current presidency the worst in all of American history, not too far behind the 19 percent who see it at this point as an overall success.
"Among the cautions that must be raised about the survey is just what 'success' means. Some of the historians rightly pointed out that it would be hard to argue that the Bush presidency has not so far been a political successor, for that matter that President Bush has not been remarkably successful in achieving his objectives in Congress. But those meanings of success are by no means incompatible with the assessment that the Bush presidency is a disaster. 'His presidency has been remarkably successful,' one historian declared, 'in its pursuit of disastrous policies.' 'I think the Bush administration has been quite successful in achieving its political objectives,' another commented, 'which makes it a disaster for us.'"
"A citizens' tribunal Saturday in Tokyo found U.S. President George W. Bush guilty of war crimes for attacking civilians with indiscriminate weapons and other arms during the U.S.-led antiterrorism operations in Afghanistan in 2001."
"Ann Coulter is a sociopath. And what she does is drag our culture down to a more aggressive, meaner, anti-intellectual kind of Redneck Nation. My contention is that she is a performance artist. I contend that she is, indeed, Andy Kaufman."
- Janeane Garofalo: Air America Radio, March 31, 2004 -
"We're going to keep building the party until we're hunting Democrats with dogs."
- Sen. Phil Gramm (R-Texas), Mother Jones, 08-95 -
"Probably nothing."
- Jeb Bush, during his losing 1994 bid for Florida Governor, when asked what he would do for black people, quoted by Salon on 10-05-02 -
"Quit looking at the symbols. Get out and get a job. Quit shooting each other. Quit having illegitimate babies."
- State Rep. John Graham Altman (R-SC), addressing African-American concerns about the 'symbol' of the Confederate Flag, The New York Times, 01-24-97 -
"Casual drug users should be shot... Dealers should be beheaded. I have no moral problem with beheadings."
- Bill Bennett -
"Two things made this country great: White men & Christianity. The degree these two have diminished is in direct proportion to the corruption and fall of the nation. Every problem that has arisen can be directly traced back to our departure from God's Law and the disenfranchisement of White men."
- State Rep. Don Davis (R-NC), e-mailed to every member of the North Carolina House and Senate, reported by The Fayetteville Observer, 08-22-01 -
"In a Disney-esque approach to guerrilla warfare, U.S. Army commanders here are hiring suspected members of a Shiite Muslim militia to help rebuild a rusted and abandoned amusement park that once drew thousands of families with its Ferris wheel, bumper cars, fountains and grassy picnic areas.
"The plan may sound far-fetched. But commanders in the 2nd Armored Cavalry Regiment say it's based on this simple premise: Enemy fighters don't have time to fire rockets or mortar shells if they're busy earning a living. Rebuilding the amusement park should occupy dozens of men for weeks."
"I write to you the introduction of a very urgent business proposal that will benefit you and bring hope to the hopeless."
- Amidu Alasa -
"Rumsfeld was under oath when he testified about the torture scandal. If he lied, that's perjury. And therefore I find it incredibly significant that when Bush and Cheney testified before the 9/11 commission, they refused to swear an oath. They claimed they'd sworn an oath of office, but that has no legal standing. Do you suppose they remembered how Clinton was trapped by perjury and were protecting themselves?"
- Michael Moore at the Cannes Film Festival -
"There is as much oil under the North Slope of Alaska as there is in all of Saudi Arabia."
"The neoconservative hour is over. All the blather about 'empire,' our 'unipolar moment,' 'Pax Americana' and 'benevolent global hegemony' will be quietly put on a shelf and forgotten as infantile prattle. America is not going to fight a five or 10-year war in Iraq. Nor will we be launching any new invasions soon. The retreat of American empire, begun at Fallujah, is underway. With a $500 billion deficit, we do not have the money for new wars. With an Army of 480,000 stretched thin, we do not have the troops. With April-May costing us a battalion of dead and wounded, we are not going to pay the price. With the squalid photos from Abu Ghraib, we no longer have the moral authority to impose our 'values' on Iraq. Bush's 'world democratic revolution' is history.
"For many Democrats, AARP's support for last November's Medicare prescription-drug bill came as a total shock. Not only could the law cause millions of seniors to lose more generous employer and state-coordinated drug benefits while providing only limited help to others; it is a major step toward the Republican Party's goal of privatizing Medicare and decimating employer-based health coverage."
"There's still remnants of that regime [Iraq] that would like to take it back. They could torture people and have rape rooms, and the world would turn their head from that and let it happen. But they can't do that anymore."
- Donald Rumsfeld -
"It may be that we are puppets -- puppets controlled by the strings of society. But at least we are puppets with perception, with awareness. And perhaps our awareness is the first step to our liberation."
- Stanley Milgram -
"Never in recent memory have our Army Values, the Soldier's Creed, and our Warrior Ethos been more important for us to reflect upon than today. Our Army is serving our Nation with great courage and honor during very dangerous times. We enjoy great support and the confidence of the American People, whom we serve, and we are respected around the globe. In view of current events, we must re-double our efforts - hold our heads high - and drive on to accomplish our individual tasks and collective missions. Integrity is non-negotiable. Everyone has leadership responsibilities when it comes to the Legal, Moral, and Ethical. Discipline is doing what's right when no one is watching. We are proud of you and our Army. Drive on!"
"Not everybody can wander around in an alcoholic haze and then at 40 just, you know, decide to be president."
"I am the boundless ocean.
This way and that,
The wind, blowing where it will,
Drives the ship of the world.
But I am not shaken.
I am the unbounded deep
In whom the waves of all the worlds
Naturally rise and fall.
But I do not rise or fall."
- Ashtavakra Gita 7:1-2 -
"It is often easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them."
- Adlai Stevenson -
"At frames 9306 through 9368, a person with a US military cap temporarily pokes about a quarter of his left head into the video."
"Kodak film experts at Kodak Park in Rochester, New York have compared the digital watermarks of the Abu Ghraib torture video and the Berg beheading video and have determined that one of the cameras used in the Nick Berg beheading is the SAME camera that took the prison torture video."
"Why should we hear about body bags and deaths and how many, what day it's gonna happen? It's not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?"
- Barbara Bush on Good Morning America the day before the Iraq war started, The New York Times, 01-13-03 -
"I'm the commander - see, I don't need to explain - I don't need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being the President. Maybe somebody needs to explain to me why they say something, but I don't feel like I owe anybody an explanation."
- George W. Bush: Washington Post, 11-19-02 -
"We're on a mission from God."
- Dan Ayckroyd, Blues Brother -
"account terminated"
- e-mail subject -
Everything Else
A Child's Garden of Grass is a classic comedy album from 1971. It has nothing to do with your lawn. You can listen to the whole thing
here.
You wouldn't think it would be possible to create a website with nothing but pictures of Condi Rice looking angry.
You'd be wrong.
Mordechai Vanunu
c/o Cathedral Church of St. George
20 Nablus Road
PO Box 19018
Jerusalem 91190
Israel
Don't let this happen to you.
because you've got so much extra money.
Acknowledgment
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.
Thanks,
Ron Dayvoo
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'Best of TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
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Reader Comment
Re: 'Give Peace A Chance'
Speaking of "Give Peace A Chance"...
My daughter is a senior in high school and graduating on June 4th. Her final
choir concert of the year was this past Friday. At the end of the concert,
all choirs from all three grades (about two hundred kids) gathered on the
stage and sang "Imagine". That particular song, being sung as we are
currently involved in a pointless war being fought so far away, by kids who
will be eligible for the inevitable draft coming soon to a war near you, and
sung so sweetly and purely, was heartbreaking to hear.
There were many teary
eyes and snuffly noses in the audience. And yet the choice of this
particular song was kind of hopeful. At least they weren't singing "Proud To
Be An American" with an exaggerated sense of importance and misplaced
bravado... What a crazy world they'll soon be graduating into.
I am hoping
for the best.
Thanks for your page, it's always entertaining!
Sharon O
Thanks for the kind words, Sharon, and congratulations to your daughter!
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Weekly Link
Sick Of This Crap!
One of the few things Americans can still agree on is the somberness of next weekend's upcoming Memorial Day. So, in that spirit, SOTC.com forgoes its usual smartassed email notification and cuts straight to the chase.
Thanks, Ahmad!
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from Mark
Another Bumpersticker
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Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
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In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Sunny, but cooler.
Great Top 10 on Letterman.
Tonight, Tuesday:
CBS begins the night with the SEASON FINALE 'Navy NCIS', followed by the FRESH made-for-TV-movie, 'Reversible Errors' (part 2 of 2).
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Dennis Quaid, bug expert Nate Erwin, and Velvet Revolver.
Scheduled on a FRESH Craiggers are Shalom Harlow and Morrissey.
NBC fills the night with the movie 'Traffic'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Leno are:Cameron Diaz and Morris Day.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan are Tom Arnold, Daniel Radcliffe, and John Pizzarelli.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Sarah Wynter and Lifehouse.
ABC starts the night with the FRESH 'ABC Extreme Bloopers', followed by a FRESH 'Jim', then the
SEASON FINALE 'Jim', followed by a FRESH 'Super Regis'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel is Montgomery Gentry.
The WB offers a RERUN of the SERIES FINALE of 'Angel', followed by a FRESH 'The WBs Superstar USA'.
Faux has a FRESH 'American Idol', followed by the SEASON FINALE of '24' (Day 3: 12pm - 1 pm).
UPN has a FRESH 'One On One', followed by the SEASON FINALE 'One On One', then a FRESH 'Rock Me Baby', followed by the SEASON FINALE
of 'Rock Me Baby'.
A&E has 'American Justice', 'Cold Case Files', and a FRESH 2-hour 'Cold Case Files'.
AMC offers the movie 'Ghost', followed by the movie 'Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory', then the movie 'Dudley Do-Right'.
BBC -
[6pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Sharples;
[7pm] 'House Invaders' - Walsall;
[7:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Pembrey;
[8pm] 'Design Rules' - Space and Planning;
[8:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Conisbrough;
[9pm] 'What Not To Wear' - Meeta;
[9:30pm] 'What Not To Wear' - Hayley;
[10pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Cooke;
[11pm] 'Design Rules' - Space and Planning;
[11:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Conisbrough;
[12am] 'What Not to Wear' - Meeta;
[12:30am] 'What Not to Wear' - Hayley;
[1am] 'Cash in the Attic' - Cooke;
[2am] 'House Invaders' - Walsall;
[2:30am] 'Changing Rooms' - Pembrey;
[3am] 'Design Rules' - Space and Planning;
[3:30am] 'Changing Rooms' - Conisbrough;
[4am] 'What Not to Wear' - Meeta;
[4:30am] 'What Not to Wear' - Hayley;
[5am] 'Cash in the Attic' - Cooke;
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EDT)
Bravo has 'West Wing', 'TV Revolution', a FRESH 'TV Revolution', and 'Queer Eye' (the pilot episode).
Comedy Central has 'MAD TV', a rerun of a rerun 'Last Comic Standing', 'South Park', 'Chappelle's Show', and another 'Chappelle's Show'.
On a RERUN Jon Stewart is Ken Mehlman.
FX has a FRESH 'The Shield'.
History has 'Modern Marvels', 'Deep Sea Detectives', 'Tactical To Practical', and a FRESH 'Wild West Tech'.
IFC -
[6AM] 'Niagara, Niagara' (1997);
[7:30AM] 'IFC Short Film Collection I';
[9:30AM] 'At The Angelika 84' (2004);
[10AM] 'Two Family House' (2000);
[12PM] 'Wild Man Blues' (1998);
[2PM] 'IFC Short Film Collection II';
[4PM] 'Silent Tongue' (1994);
[6PM] 'Cannes Closing Cermonies Rebroadcast' (2004);
[7PM] 'Wild Man Blues' (1998);
[9PM] 'Dinner For Five 29' (2003);
[9:30PM] 'Rocked With Gina Gershon - Episode 1' (2003);
[10PM] 'The Kids Are Alright' (1979);
[12AM] 'Glengarry Glen Ross' (1992);
[1:45AM] 'Nil By Mouth' (1997);
[4AM] 'The Kids Are Alright' (1979). (ALL TIMES EDT)
SciFi has the movie 'Revelation', followed by the movie '20,000 Leagues Under The Sea' (not the Kirk Douglas version).
Sundance -
[6:05AM] 'Crane World' (Mundo Grua) (Feature);
[7:35AM] 'Frescoes' (Documentary);
[9:15AM] 'Unhook The Stars' (Feature);
[11AM] 'Mountain Men and Holy Wars' (Documentary);
[12PM] 'The Brandon Teena Story' (Documentary);
[1:30PM] 'Investigation of a Flame' (Documentary);
[2:15PM] 'Good Night Valentino' (Short);
[2:35PM] 'Land And Freedom' (Feature);
[4:30PM] 'Crane World' (Mundo Grua) (Feature);
[6PM] 'Assassination Tango' (Feature);
[8PM] 'Unprecedented: The 2000 Presidential Election' (Feature);
[9PM] 'Anatomy of a Scene: Stander' (Original Production);
[9:30PM] 'La Repetition' (Feature);
[11:05PM] 'Modern Romance' (Feature);
[12:40AM] 'Gamblin' (Short);
[1AM] 'The Pool' (Documentary);
[1:45AM] 'Fuse' (Feature);
[3:30AM] 'Land And Freedom' (Feature);
[5:25AM] 'Assassination Tango' (Feature). (ALL TIMES EDT)
TCM:
[6am] 'The Lady Eve' (1941);
[8am] 'Shadow of a Doubt' (1943);
[10:15am] 'Primrose Path' (1940);
[12:15pm] 'You Can't Take It With You' (1938);
[2:30pm] 'A Thousand Clowns' (1965);
[4:30pm] 'The Magnificent Ambersons' (1942);
[6pm] 'The Little Foxes' (1941);
[8pm] 'Orphans of the Storm' (1921) SILENT ;
[10pm] 'The Kid' (1921) SILENT ;
[11pm] 'The King of Kings' (1927) SILENT ;
[1am] 'The Shop Around The Corner' (1940);
[3am] 'Mr. Deeds Goes to Town' (1936);
[5am] 'Hidden Values: The Movies of the '50s' (2001). (ALL TIMES EDT)
Wednesday - 05/26
TCM spends the day paying tribute to
Marion Morrison, AKA: John Wayne, on what would have been his
97th birthday. Nice dollop of John Ford♦, too.
[6am] 'Stagecoach' (1939)♦;
[8:00 am] 'Tall In The Saddle' (1944);
[9:30am] 'Back To Bataan' (1945);
[11:30am] 'Fort Apache' (1948)♦;
[2pm] 'She Wore A Yellow Ribbon' (1949)♦;
[4pm] 'Rio Grande' (1950)♦;
[6pm] 'The Wings Of Eagles' (1957)♦;
[8pm] 'The Apartment' (1960);
[10:15pm] 'Psycho' (1960);
[12:15am] 'The Defiant Ones' (1958);
[2am] 'Exodus' (1960);
[5:30am] 'Festival of Shorts #5' (1998). (ALL TIMES EDT)
Any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
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Adorned in aprons, state Senators Martha Escutia, D-Los Angeles, from left, Debra Ortiz, D-Sacramento, and Sheile Kuhl, D-Santa Monica, listen as State Sen. Jack Scott, D- Altadena, right, addresses the Senate at the Capitol in Sacramento, Calif., Monday, May 24, 2004. The aprons were worn by Legislators who objected to the remarks of Rev. Ralph Drollinger, who leads a Bible study class for lawmakers, who wrote in a Bible lesson that women legislators with young children were 'sinful' for leaving them to work in Sacramento. Scott was among several male Senators who wore aprons to show support.
Photo by Rich Pedroncelli
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The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
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Booed At Hofstra
E.L. Doctorow
E.L. Doctorow, one of the most celebrated writers in America, was nearly booed off the stage at Hofstra University Sunday when he gave a commencement address lambasting President George W. Bush and effectively calling him a liar.
Booing that came mainly from the crowd in the stands became so intense that Doctorow stopped speaking at one point, showing no emotion as he stood silently and listened to the jeers. Hofstra President Stuart Rabinowitz intervened, and called on the audience to allow him to finish. He did, although some booing persisted.
Doctorow, who spent virtually all of his 20-minute address in Hempstead criticizing Bush, told the crowd that like himself the president is a storyteller. But "sadly they are not good stories this president tells," he said. "They are not good stories because they are not true." That line provoked the first boos, along with scattered cheers.
For the rest, E.L. Doctorow
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Gains Wide Following
Poker Championship
The best poker player in the world quickly does the math and doesn't like his odds at this week's World Series of Poker.
Thanks to a poker craze created by TV, the Internet and last year's remarkable storybook victory by a young unknown, a staggering 2,576 people are competing this time for a record $5 million first prize.
The days of several hundred pros and a smattering of amateurs competing in the grandest of poker events are over. Everybody from "Spider-Man" actor Tobey Maguire to a former Oklahoma beauty queen was betting on being crowned the next poker king on Friday in the 35th annual World Series of Poker at Binion's Horseshoe Hotel & Casino.
"It's Everyman's tournament," said World Series co-director Matt Savage.
For a lot more, Poker Championship
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Blues legend B.B. King, left, receives The Royal Swedish Academy of Music's Polar Music Prize from King Carl XVI Gustaf of Sweden at a gala ceremony in Stockholm, Sweden, Monday May 24 , 2004. King shared the prize together with Hungarian-born composer Gyrgy Ligeti.
Photo by Ola Torkelsson
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Dr. Who's Companion
Billie Piper
British singer and actress Billie Piper is to play Doctor Who's assistant Rose Tyler in a remake of the classic science fiction TV series, the BBC said on Monday.
Piper, 21 will star alongside Christopher Eccleston, the ninth incarnation of the eccentric "Time Lord" who first hit TV screens in 1963.
Billie Piper
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Renew Wedding Vows
Kirk & Anne Douglas
Kirk and Anne Douglas said "I do" for the second time in 50 years at a mansion overlooking downtown Los Angeles, renewing the marriage vows the Hollywood couple first took when they eloped to Las Vegas in 1954.
The couple reaffirmed their commitment Sunday before 300 friends and family members in a traditional Jewish ceremony at the famed Greystone Mansion in Beverly Hills, said Kirk Douglas' longtime publicist Warren Cowan.
Guests at the star-studded event included former First Lady Nancy Reagan, Merv Griffin, Dan Aykroyd, Lauren Bacall, Tony Curtis, Vidal Sassoon, and Anjelica Huston, among others.
Kirk & Anne Douglas
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In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
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House to Go on Sale
J.R.R. Tolkien
"Lord of the Rings" fans will soon have the chance to buy a home where part of the trilogy was written - as long as they have $2.7 million to spare.
The house in north Oxford, where author J.R.R. Tolkien is believed to have written "The Hobbit" and begun the "Lord of The Rings," is set to go on the market next week.
The house was Tolkien's family home for 17 years during his time as a professor at Oxford University.
The six-bedroom property, where Tolkien lived until 1947, includes a drawing room that once was the author's study. When he moved out, the home was taken over by another academic who died recently.
J.R.R. Tolkien
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House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi gestures beside former Texas Gov. Ann Richards, center, and former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, left, Monday, May 24, 2004, in San Francisco. Pelosi, who accused resident Bush of 'incompetence' last week in his handling of the Iraq war, remains undeterred by critics who have accused her of politicizing the conflict and potentially undermining American troops in the region. Pelosi stood firm on the matter at a news conference with Albright, who is working with Pelosi to promote Democratic women running for the U.S. House of Representatives.
Photo by Ben Margot
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Time Runs Out for Some Actors
'24'
Sources said that the actors who play Jack Bauer's (Kiefer Sutherland) CTU colleagues on the Fox drama '24' have been informed that their options as series regulars will not be picked up for next season.
Reiko Aylesworth and James Badge Dale, who play CTU members Michelle Dessler and Chase Edmunds, respectively, received the news just as they were to attend the Fox party after the network's upfront presentation to advertisers last Thursday, sources said.
The two, as well as Carlos Bernard (aka CTU's Tony Almeida), could return to the real-time drama next season for guest appearances. Also up in the air is the "24" future of Mary Lynn Rajskub, Zachary Quinto and Daniel Dae Kim, who played CTU members on a recurring basis.
Meanwhile, Elisha Cuthbert, who plays Jack's daughter and CTU analyst Kimberly Bauer, is fielding film offers and is expected to recur next season subject to her availability.
'24'
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Files for Divorce
Snoop Dogg
Snoop Dogg is getting a divizzle. The rapper/actor has filed for divorce from Shante Broadus, according to papers filed with Los Angeles Superior Court on Friday.
They have been married since 1997 and have three children: Corde, 9; Cordell, 7; and Cori, 4. He is seeking joint custody.
Snoop Dogg
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Distribution Deal with Dish Network
Sirius
Sirius Satellite Radio Inc. on Thursday said it will be carried on the Dish Network satellite television service, in a deal it hopes will vastly increase distribution for the company.
Currently, Sirius has a little more than 400,000 subscribers who pay $12.95 a month for commercial-free satellite broadcasts of music, news, sports and traffic.
But the deal with EchoStar Communications Corp. will make the service available to all 9.8 million Dish Network satellite television subscribers.
Sirius
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Roots Draw Company's Interest
Johnny Weissmuller
Johnny Weissmuller swung on a vine to play Tarzan in the movies, but a German film crew is more interested in his roots.
West End Films Inc. is coming Friday to Windber (PA), a former coal company town that has long claimed as a native son the Olympic swimmer-turned-actor.
Many film authorities and fans now believe that Weissmuller, who portrayed Tarzan in a number of Depression-era movies, was actually born June 2, 1904, in what is now Romania. But that hasn't diminished the enthusiasm of officials in Windber, about 100 miles west of Harrisburg.
West End Films is making a documentary on Weissmuller with the help of his son, Johnny Jr., a former actor who's had bit roles on TV and in films such as "American Graffiti." The documentary is scheduled to premiere Aug. 22 on ZEF/Arte, a French/German network.
Johnny Weissmuller
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Formerly 'The Vidiot'
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Today In Nevada
Nuclear Experiment
Government scientists plan an underground nuclear experiment, short of a nuclear blast, at the Nevada Test Site on Tuesday. The experiment will involve detonating high explosives around plutonium in a steel sphere while X-rays, radar and lasers chart the behavior of the radioactive element.
Scientists from the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico will run the test in a tunnel nearly 1,000 feet below ground at the site about 80 miles northwest of Las Vegas.
The test dubbed "Armando" is the 21st subcritical experiment at the site.
The experiments technically do not violate the 1996 Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty because no critical mass is formed and there is no full-scale nuclear explosion. Anti-nuclear groups criticize the experiments as contrary to the treaty's spirit.
The U.S. has observed a nuclear testing moratorium since 1992, but has not ratified the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty.
Nuclear Experiment
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The 'icon' of the Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame (SFM) hangs suspended from a crane during preparations on May 24, 2004 for the museum's grand opening on June 18 in Seattle. The icon is one of the numerous odd displays along with other rare science fiction artifacts and memorabilia to be displayed at SFM which is co-located with the Experience Music Project (EMP). Many display articles are from Microsoft co-founder and billionaire Paul Allen's personal collection.
Photo by Anthony P. Bolante
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Isn't Respect Earned?
Bush Twins
The White House asked the media on Monday to "show respect" for resident Bush's twin daughters as they emerge from private life as students to work for their father's re-election campaign.
The request came as the daughters, Jenna and Barbara, who are now 22 and have graduated from university, are themselves generating more media coverage.
They will do an interview and photo spread for Vogue magazine and then work at Bush's campaign headquarters in the Washington suburbs.
Bush Twins
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'I Told You I Was Ill'
Spike Milligan
Late comedian Spike Milligan, the creator of landmark radio series "The Goon Show", has finally been given his choice of inscription on his gravestone -- "I told you I was ill".
Two years after Milligans's death at the age of 83, the epitaph has been added to a Celtic cross above his grave at St Thomas's Church in Winchelsea, southeast England, it was announced Monday.
The headstone carries the sentence in Gaelic -- Milligan's family originated in Ireland -- which the comedian had always joked was his chosen final message to the world.
It took two years for the cross to be erected because family members had not decided what inscription the headstone should carry, leaving the comic's grave marked only with flowers and a small statue.
Spike Milligan
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Sues 493 More Music Swappers
RIAA
A U.S. music industry group said Monday it had sued 493 more people for copyright infringement as part of its campaign to stop consumers from copying music over the Internet.
The Recording Industry Association of America has now sued nearly 3,000 individuals since last September in an attempt to discourage people from copying songs through "peer to peer" networks like Kazaa and LimeWire.
The RIAA does not yet know the identities of those it targeted in its latest round of lawsuits but plans to discover them through court-issued subpoenas.
RIAA
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One of two African lion cubs, right, relaxes in the lion yard with its mother, Precious, at the Fort Worth Zoo, Monday, May 24, 2004, in Fort Worth, Texas. The two 6-week-old cubs weigh about 12 lbs. each and are the first pair of lion cubs born at the zoo in almost 20 years. The cubs names will be determined through an online poll.
Photo by Ron Jenkins
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'The Osbournes'
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 5
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 4
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
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