Bartcop Entertainment - Tuesday, 10 February, 2004

Issue #92
is brought to you by

Sex

(Warning: I mean it.)

Dennis Miller Takes Responsibility for Amputees

"Since our honorable President Bush has taken total responsibility for all the American lives lost in the current war in Iraq, I think it's time to take some of the burden off his shoulders," said Dennis Miller on his new show on CNBC. The Saturday Night Live alumni, and recent convert to Republicanism, went on to say that "If my President has got the courage to stand up for his convictions, so do I. As someone who backs Bush's policies whole-heartedly, as of now I take complete responsibility for all soldiers who come home from Iraq with both legs missing."

After hearing about Miller's actions, fellow Hollywood Republican Ron Silver jumped on the bandwagon, claiming personal responsibility for "all soldiers with only one leg missing, or both arms." Apparently the responsibility for only one arm missing has been spoken for by Republican non-apologist Kelsey Grammer.

"I think it's a great thing," said Britney Spears, "so if any American soldiers in Iraq lose an eye, hey, blame it on me because I support Bush 100%."

Native Americans Join the Club

"On the surface, Wackenhut Corporation seemed innocuous enough, but through documents later obtained from Michael Riconosciuto, I learned there was another, darker side to Wackenhut operations, at the Cabazon Indian reservation near Indio, California.

"Because Indian reservations are sovereign nations and do not come under federal jurisdiction, Wackenhut International had formed a partnership and entered into a business venture with the Cabazon Indians to produce high-tech arms and explosives for export to third-world countries. This maneuver was designed to evade congressional prohibitions against U.S. weapons being shipped to the Contras and middle eastern countries."

- An Octopus Named Wackenhut -

Gallery from Hell

Surely you've got something better to do than look at

a gallery of pictures of a fat naked guy with angel wings.

Pitch from Hell

So what have you done lately for the PLANET, man? Don't you realize that we're all about to blow ourselves UP and that all that matters is your personal relationship with the goddam INFINITE? It's happening, man, right in front of you only you don't see it. Nobody sees it.

Which is why you've got to hear this song I wrote, man. This is the song that can change everything, man, I mean it, but only if everyone on earth hears it at exactly the same time. You'll see what I mean when I play you the song because like the video is gonna have them on their knees, man. Of course my record company hasn't exactly approved of the video yet, man, because it's got the world's biggest tracking shot, man. Can you dig a steady-cam flying across the whole fucking universe until it stops right in the center of my brain, man? Won't that be far out? I'm gonna blow this label off if they don't let me make my video, man.

I've read your stuff and I think you're cool, man, not like those other assholes in the press, so could you just listen to this song so you can say somewhere in Disinfotainment Today that it would make a great video that could possibly save the whole fucking PLANET from DESTROYING ITSELF!? Then my record company will read it and they'll actually make the video and the world won't explode and it will be all thanks to you, man, all thanks to you.

I haven't recorded the song yet since I don't want them to rip me off, so you're going to have to come over here to my place in Topanga Canyon so I can play it for you. You'll really dig it, man, cause it's really quiet out here since like there's no one around for miles. I'll call you tomorrow sixteen times because it's IMPORTANT!

Sell Us Obi-Wan Kenobi, You're Our Only Hope

Prepare to Get Sued by George Lucas, Heliodisplay.

The Heliodisplay projects TV, video and computer images into the air.

I Feel So Much Safer Now

A company founded by a Saudi financier placed on America's Terrorist List in October 2001 had access to the FAA's entire computer system for two years before the 9/11 attack. Last week, when the National 9/11 Commission held hearings on The Aviation Security System and the 9/11 Attack, government and aviation officials described a system unprepared for the events that unfolded on September 11. None of them, however, mentioned security breaches involving "Saudi terrorists in the basement of the FAA."

- FBI Shut Down Investigation Into Saudi Terror Cell in Boston -

H.R. 3439, would authorize the federal government to "embed" CIA agents within local police departments The Campaign to Demilitarize the Police is organizing to stop the bill, and has been targeting the bill's author, Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY), with protest actions.

What do you call it when police departments are merged with intelligence agencies? Nazi Germany adopted that structure, which became known as the "Secret State Police," with the acronym "GESTAPO!"

- "Embedding" CIA Agents Within Local Police Depts -

"After State Department officials and historians assembled in Washington, D.C., last week to discuss the 1967 war in the Middle East, I am compelled to speak out about one of U.S. history's most shocking cover-ups.

"On June 8, 1967, Israel attacked our proud naval ship -- the USS Liberty -- killing 34 American servicemen and wounding 172. Those men were then betrayed and left to die by our own government.

"U.S. military rescue aircraft were recalled, not once, but twice, through direct intervention by the Johnson administration. Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara's cancellation of the Navy's attempt to rescue the Liberty, which I personally confirmed from the commanders of the aircraft carriers America and Saratoga, was the most disgraceful act I witnessed in my entire military career.

"To add insult to injury, Congress, to this day, has failed to hold formal hearings on Israel's attack on this American ship. No official investigation of Israel's attack has ever permitted the testimony of the surviving crew members."

- Admiral Thomas Moorer: Betrayal behind Israeli attack on U.S. ship -

"Someone is building cell phone guns and distributing them through the criminal underground. These weapons first showed up in Europe in late 2000. The weapon is built around a hollow cell phone case. The mechanism is installed inside the case so that by hitting the correct buttons, the cell phone case comes apart. In the top half you can see four .22 caliber (5.56mm) bullets in short barrels that are concealed by the plastic covering at the top of the cell phone. When you snap the cell phone back together, four of the buttons on the cell phone will release a spring loaded firing pin into the rear of one of the bullets, firing it out the front of the case. It's not very accurate, but from a few feet away, a shot in the head will kill, and a hit anywhere else will be felt. These cell phone guns have not yet been reported in the United States. But the FBI, Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms and the U.S. Customs Service have all been briefed on the new weapons, as have all U.S. ports of entry. No one is sure, but it is thought that the cell phone guns were invented, and are being built, somewhere in the Balkans. While they look like cell phones, if you hold one in your hand they are noticeably heavier. For criminals, especially professional killers, such weapons would be useful in situations where people are being frisked for weapons when entering a club, or a meeting with other gangsters. The weapons could also be smuggled into jails to aid in prison escapes. Commandos and spies might find this device useful as well. The weapons could also be used to hijack aircraft."

- News About Weapons of the World -

Guess Which One's In Jail for Consensual Sex?

"There is an 18 year old African American honor student -- Marcus Dixon -- in Rome, Georgia who is spending ten years in prison for having consensual sex with a white classmate who was just three months shy of 16 years old at the time they had sex. Although a jury acquitted Marcus of rape and three other counts of violent acts, the prosecutor also charged him with "aggravated child molestation." Consensual sex with a virgin fits into the technical reading of this Georgia statute. The statute has never been applied to consensual sex between two teenagers with less than three years age difference, until now. I believe the result is a horrible injustice, especially because Marcus overcame a troubled childhood to excel in academics and athletics. In February 2003, Marcus Dixon, was a senior in high school. He had a 3.96 grade point average and was all state in football."

- Fight Injustice! Save Marcus Dixon! -

Sticker of the Week

Get yours here.

(They've also got one that says "WARNING: Buying this

CD funds lawsuits against children and families")

"So the idea that somebody in wherever, whether they're in a small town somewhere in the middle of America or in Pakistan or whatever, if they're interested, and they want to check out Fugazi, I want it out there. I don't want them to have to pay some service to get to it and listen to it and hopefully that would compel them to do further research. I mean, how cool would it be to know that there's some kid in Pakistan who downloaded all our records and listens to them all the time - I'm happy, I don't give a damn. I mean the argument against it is always just monetary, and again, that's the least interesting aspect of music for me."

- Ian MacKaye -

Where Your Tax Dollars Go

- Ironic Times -

The Great Communicator

Michael Powell, the Chairman of the Federal Communications Commission does not want to communicate with the world. He has turned off the inbox to both his email accounts (mpowell@fcc.gov, and michael.powell@fcc.gov), which means that thousands of letters from the American public are bouncing back as "undeliverable."

It's understandable that he doesn't want to hear from those jerks at Judicial Watch who are actually suing him for allowing millions of teeny little minds to be turned from the path of righteousness to the pit of degradation by the momentary sight of a breast on national television, but what about the rest of us who demand MORE breasts on national television?

To get around Powell's defenses, Timothy Karr of Media for Democracy recommends redirecting emails to the FCC's "election & political candidates matters" address at campaignlaw@fcc.gov. Please write Michael Powell and tell him you don't give a shit about Janet Jackson UNLESS she's showing her boobs (and that his dad's an asshole).

Coming Soon to Wal-Mart

A Beijing businessman has filed an application to trademark the Chinese name of George W. Bush to help market his disposable diapers.

Just to Make You Forget Janet Jackson

Don't Take My Word For It

"The army that can defeat terrorism doesn't wear uniforms, or drive Humvees, or call in airstrikes. It doesn't have a high command, or high security, or a high budget. The army that can defeat terrorism does battle quietly, clearing minefields and vaccinating children. It undermines military dictatorships and military lobbyists. It subverts sweatshops and special interests. Where people feel powerless, it helps them organize for change, and where people are powerful, it reminds them of their responsibility."
- Author Unknown (I've searched everywhere. Who the hell said this? I want to shake their hand.) -

"Do you have any opinions that you would be reluctant to express in front of a group of your peers? If the answer is no, you might want to stop and think about that. If everything you believe is something you're supposed to believe, could that possibly be a coincidence? Odds are it isn't. Odds are you just think whatever you're told."
- Paul Graham: What You Can't Say -

"After laying down to bed, go ahead and close your eyes then visualize: A source of White Light, coming from the heavens and concentrating, like funneling, into the top of your head. Direct (imagine) the White Light filling your head, proceeding into your neck, into your shoulders, down your arms into your hands and fingers. Then direct the White Light down your torso, into your legs, and on into your feet and toes. Then 'over-fill' and push the White Light outward. Finish up by picturing yourself surrounded by a cocoon of White Light the surface of which is a few inches out from any spot on your body."

- How to Prevent Alien Abductions -

"Our doubts are traitors,

And make us lose the good we oft might win,

By fearing to attempt."

- William Shakespeare: Measure for Measure -

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

- Martin Luther King, Jr. -

"When a cause comes along and you know in your bones that it is just, yet refuse to defend it - at that moment you begin to die. And I have never seen so many corpses walking around talking about justice."

- Mumia Abu-Jamal -

"Make ready to slaughter his sons for the guilt of their fathers; Lest they rise and possess the earth, and fill the breadth of the world with tyrants."

- Isaiah 14:21 -

"I'm a war president. I make decisions here in the Oval Office in foreign policy matters with war on my mind."

- George W. Bush admitting to Tim Russert on MSNBC that he likes killing people -

"See, free societies are societies that don't develop weapons of mass terror and don't blackmail the world."

- George W. Bush admitting to Tim Russert on MSNBC that America is not a free society -

"Plaintiff commenced this civil action on September 12, 2003, by filing of Complaint with this Honorable Court. Since Plaintiff's initial filing and the 'firestorm" surrounding Defendant GWB's refusal to comply with the '911 Commission[7],' this Amended Complaint provides newly discovered substantial additional facts, evidence and voluntary support from former federal employees and other concerned American Citizens who all seek justice and the truth as to how and why the events of September 11, 2001, (hereinafter '911'), occurred. Plaintiff hereby asserts Defendants, officially and individually are exclusively liable to answer the Counts in this Complaint under the United States Constitution and provisions of the 18 U.S.C. 1964(a) and (c), Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act (hereinafter 'RICO Act') for 'failing to act and prevent' the murder of Plaintiff's husband, Louis Neil Mariani, for financial and political reasons and have 'obstructed justice' in the aftermath of said criminal acts and omissions.

"Defendant GWB has not been forthright and honest with regard to his administration's pre-knowledge of the potential of the '911' attacks and Plaintiff seeks to compel Defendant GWB to justify why her husband Louis Neil Mariani died on '911.' Plaintiff believes Defendant GWB is invoking a long standard operating procedure of invoking national security and executive privilege claims to suppress the basis of this lawsuit that Defendant GWB, et al., failed to act and prevent the '911' attacks. This Court must see through this and Plaintiff argues from the onset, the reasons why '911' occurred are no longer a national security risk, but a national security disgrace and tragedy."

- ELLEN MARIANI...Plaintiff, vs. GEORGE W. BUSH...defendant -

"To call someone 'anti-American', indeed, to be anti-American, (or for that matter anti-Indian, or anti- Timbuktuan) is not just racist, it's a failure of the imagination. An inability to see the world in terms other than those that the establishment has set out for you: If you're not a Bushie you're a Taliban. If you don't love us, you hate us. If you're not good you're evil. If you're not with us, you're with the terrorists.

"Last year, like many others, I too made the mistake of scoffing at this post- September 11 rhetoric, dismissing it as foolish and arrogant. I've realized that it's not foolish at all. It's actually a canny recruitment drive for a misconceived, dangerous war. Every day I'm taken aback at how many people believe that opposing the war in Afghanistan amounts to supporting terrorism, or voting for the Taliban. Now that the initial aim of the war -- capturing Osama bin Laden (dead or alive) -- seems to have run into bad weather, the goalposts have been moved. It's being made out that the whole point of the war was to topple the Taliban regime and liberate Afghan women from their burqas. We're being asked to believe that the US marines are actually on a feminist mission. (If so, will their next stop be America's military ally Saudi Arabia?) Think of it this way: In India there are some pretty reprehensible social practices, against 'untouchables', against Christians and Muslims, against women. Pakistan and Bangladesh have even worse ways of dealing with minority communities and women. Should they be bombed? Should Delhi, Islamabad, and Dhaka be destroyed? Is it possible to bomb bigotry out of India? Can we bomb our way to a feminist paradise? Is that how women won the vote in the US? Or how slavery was abolished? Can we win redress for the genocide of the millions of native Americans upon whose corpses the US was founded by bombing Santa Fe?

"War cannot avenge those who have died. War is only a brutal desecration of their memory. Soviet-style communism failed, not because it was intrinsically evil but because it was flawed. It allowed too few people to usurp too much power. Twenty-first century market-capitalism, American-style, will fail for the same reasons. Both are edifices constructed by human intelligence, undone by human nature."

- Arundhati Roy: Not Again -

"The war in Iraq is more the result of America's agenda than Hussein's. The violence in Iraq (multiple bombings since Hussein's capture) is a result of Washington's terrible miscalculations. The threat from terrorism (Pakistan's leader nearly assassinated) has been made worse by Bush policies. The structure of American alliances has been needlessly undermined (hence James Baker's mission). America's extreme belligerence is imitated elsewhere (Sharon's faith in "overwhelming force"), making the world far more dangerous. These issues must not be blotted out in the glare of the media celebration of Saddam Hussein's capture. That he was caught in a hole, obviously unrelated to the guerrilla resistance, is a turning point in nothing that matters now: not in restoring order to Iraq, not in rebuilding structures of international law, not in thwarting terrorism, not in stemming the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction, not in reconciling the West and the world of Islam."

- James Carroll -

"All warfare is based on deception. There is no place where espionage is not used. Offer the enemy bait to lure him."

- Sun Tzu (c.500-320 B.C.) -

"I don't want to own your business. I just want to tell you what to produce, how much to produce, who to hire, who to fire, where to buy your raw materials, and what price to charge. The rest is up to you."

- Benito Mussolini to a business owner -

"To the Department of Homeland Security, you are no longer an American, you are a potential terrorist. Soon, anyone who books a flight on any airline in the United States will have a dossier opened-up on them. In another test of a new Orwellian airline security program by the Department of Homeland Security's Transportation Security Administration, the airlines will be facilitating background checks on anyone using their system. It's not that they want to, but Homeland Security will be issuing a directive ordering the airlines to provide all your personal travel data to them."

- Don't Spy On Us -

"The CIA photograph... clearly shows a tree full of ripe dates which in Iraq ripen in late July or early August and never in December. The picture also shows a rope with hanging meat for drying. Our Iraqi sources informed us that this occurs always in the summer and never in December."

- Photo tricks betray the "Saddam" psyop -

"Suppose the majority wants to take away your home, business, or your children. Obviously, there's a problem! The flaw in democracy is that if you allow majority rule, then everybody's rights are up-for-grabs. All you have to do is get more than 1/2 of the people to want something, on any given day, and you no longer have any rights. It's sometimes called 'the tyranny of a majority.'

"The fundamental difference between a democracy and a republic is that if someone or a group of people came up to you and said that they were going to take away your home or business or children, you'd probably stand up and say, 'No, you can't do that! I have my rights protected by the Constitution of the United States of America.' And if you said that, you'd be describing a republic."

- Civics in Seconds -

"For the record, people, you really need to stop referring to him as `Janet Jackson's Boob'. It's 'Timberlake'."

- Trav Flatt -

"A map of the world that does not include Utopia is not worth glancing at."

- Oscar Wilde -

Everything Else

A/V Geeks have over 13,000 films you won't find at Blockbuster and you can watch some online.

Got kids? Hungry? Perhaps the solution to your problems is at eatbabies.com?

As though I could stop you from looking at footage from Star Wars III (as though it could possibly be worse that I or II).

Not that I would actually recommend that you do such a thing but if you go here you can download full versions of some pretty cool games.

More pictures of Mars they're not showing you.

Oh, by the way, a Renaissance music instructor at Milhouse Middle School was arrested for committing lute acts with a minor.

Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Saddam Hussein - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Kim Jong Il - eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int
Contact the Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact the Democratic Candidates: Wesley Clark, Howard Dean, John Edwards, Dick Gephardt, Bob Graham, John Kerry, Dennis Kucinich, Joe Lieberman, Carol Moseley Braun, Al Sharpton

Embassy of France in the US: 202-944-6000
German Embassy in the US: 202-298-4000
Embassy of the Russian Federation: 202-298-5700
Embassy of the People's Republic of China: 202-328-2500
White House switchboard: (202) 456-1414
Contact your Senator - http://www.senate.gov/senators/senator_by_state.cfm
Contact your Representative - http://www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW.html
House and Senate switchboard: (202) 224-3121
Links to Central Government Agencies - http://www.firstgov.gov/

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dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.

Thanks,

Satan

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