'Best of TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
The Artful Dodger
THE HOLLYWOOD HUSTLE
Here are some recent screenplay deals that might make it through development hell and show up on your local movie screens in a few years.
Matchmaker, matchmaker
Will Smith will star in the comedy "Last First Kiss," about a date guru who brags about his ability to find lifelong mates for anyone in the space of three dates. When an attractive investigative journalist looks into his service, he must prove its effectiveness by participating in the dates himself.
Prediction: Will Smith has taken himself a little too seriously lately, perhaps stung by the less-than-stellar returns on his biopic of Muhammad Ali. A romantic comedy like this might be just what the doctor ordered to reignite interest from his longtime fans. Should open strong and bring in a hefty 75 million.
*****
Batteries included
"Boyfriend in a Box" will star Brittany Murphy as a woman who's tired of her nosy friends and family inquiring about her romantic life. She pretends to have a boyfriend by using a novelty toy but soon she finds she has to find a real boyfriend to keep the scam alive.
Prediction: This is intended as a bit of lighthearted fluff and that's all it will ever be. But the demographic for movies like this is very well defined and those girls often turn out in record numbers for movies that touch on issues important to them. So despite the fact that this movie will be little more than an empty cinematic calorie, look for respectable numbers in the 50 million range.
*****
Heavy duty
Ralph Fiennes will star in "The Constant Gardener," a drama surrounding the death of an English diplomat's wife and his subsequent investigation into the mysterious political and legal entanglements involved.
Prediction: Based on a leCarre novel, the story will pack a punch and Fiennes, with his close-to-the-edge, gritty style, should have audiences leaning forward throughout the movie.
*****
Ferris Bueller redux
Chris Rock will star in "Sick Day," a comedy about a guy who decides to skip work for the day, only to find that things don't always go smoothly.
Prediction: Hijinks, chaos, action set pieces, lots of misdirection and other types of Hollywood-ish folly. They'll probably try to inject a socially redeeming theme into the mix which will slow the action a bit and grind the edges off the fun. But overall, this one will be Chris Rock's opportunity to reclaim a prominent position as a bankable comedy star. He'll get much more out of it than the audience will.
*****
And Jane Fonda as the Grandma
Jim Carrey and Cameron will co-star in the remake of the 70's comedy hit "Fun With Dick and Jane," about a couple who find themselves sinking in a sea of debt and decide to start breaking the law to get back on solid financial footing.
Prediction: The 70's are over but the economy is in the dumper again so this one should be received well from the middle classes who fantasize about gaining the upper hand for once in their lives. Movie will do especially well if it targets the usual suspects like HMOs and banks and other institutions featured prominently in news stories about corporate greed.
*****
School daze
Edward Burns will star in "The River King," a mystery about the investigation into a prep school drowning. He'll play a cop who comes to believe that there might be more to the death than suicide – possibly even supernatural elements.
Prediction: This one looks promising. Burns is always riveting in these kinds of dramas and the subject matter sounds intricate enough to keep an audience interested. If it was just a straight-ahead police procedural, box office wouldn't be terribly stellar. But this story has an additional supernatural element that could help lift it beyond the ordinary and into the ranks of a "Sixth Sense."
~ The Artful Dodger
from Mark
Mission Not!
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
An overcast day that gave way to big-time rain and hail around supper-time.
We had about half an hour of intense rain, but no hail here.
Did the CostCo loop today - love those food ladies!
Dear old Dad is back from his latest polka-cruise with the Babe.
He's decided that 10 days is way too long for him to be on a ship - said he felt like a prisoner around day 4.
He was also hassled, again, at the airport on the way home.
Bet stays on land his next vacation.
Tonight, Thursday, CBS starts the night with a FRESH 'Survivor: Pearl Islands', followed by a
FRESH 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigation', then a FRESH 'Without A Trace'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Russell Crowe and Pink.
Scheduled on a FRESH Craiggers are Jon Favreau, Natasha Henstridge, and Godsmack.
NBC opens the evening with a FRESH 'Friends', followed by a RERUN 'Friends', then a
FRESH 'Will & Grace', followed by a FRESH 'Scrubs', then a FRESH 'ER'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jay are Halle Berry, Dave Mordal, and Outkast.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan are Dolly Parton and Steve Irwin.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Will Ferrell, Chris Matthews, and Le Tigre.
ABC begins the night with a FRESH 'Threat Matrix', followed by a FRESH 'Extreme Makeover', then 'Primetime Thursday'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Britney Spears and Clay Aiken, with this week's guest co-host D.L. Hughley.
The WB offers a FRESH 'Steve Harvey's Big Time', followed by a FRESH 'Jamie Kennedy', then a FRESH
'What I Like About You', followed by a FRESH 'Run Of The House'.
Faux has a FRESH 'Tru Calling', followed by 'Skin', but since it's been cancelled, your guess is as good as mine.
UPN fills the night with 'WWE Smackdown!'.
A&E has 'American Justice', 'Biography' (Jack Ruby), and the movie 'Beverly Hills Cop II'.
AMC offers the movie 'Hombre', followed by the movie 'The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly', then the movie 'The Shootist'.
BBC -
[6pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Hinton;
[7pm] 'Ground Force' - Torquay;
[7:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Disney;
[8pm] 'House Invaders' - Newbold on Avon;
[8:30pm] 'House Invaders' - Droylsden;
[9pm] 'Faking It' - Show Girl to Show Jumper;
[10pm] 'Coupling' - The Man With Two Legs;
[10:40pm] 'Behind the Screen' - Coupling;
[11pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Dan Akroyd;
[11:30pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Linda Hamilton;
[12am] 'Faking It' - Show Girl to Show Jumper;
[1am] 'Coupling' - The Man With Two Legs;
[1:40am] 'Behind the Screen' - Coupling;
[2am] 'House Invaders' - Newbold on Avon;
[2:30am] 'House Invaders' - Droylsden;
[3am] 'So Graham Norton' - Dan Akroyd;
[3:30am] 'So Graham Norton' - Linda Hamilton;
[4am] 'Faking It' - Show Girl to Show Jumper;
[5am] 'Coupling' - The Man With Two Legs;
[5:40am] 'Behind the Screen' - Coupling; and
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'West Wing', the movie 'Monkeybone', 'Queer Eye', and 'West Wing'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jon Stewart is Brendan Fraser.
History has 'The Royal Navy', 'Doomed Tower At Sea', 'Extreme History', and 'Modern Marvels'.
SciFi has 'Beyond Belief', the movie 'Carrie' (not the Brian De Palma/Sissy Spacek-version).
TCM -
[6am] 'Meet John Doe' (1941);
[8:15am] 'The Mating Game' (1959);
[10am] 'I Was A Male War Bride' (1949);
[12pm] 'Love Affair' (1939);
[1:30pm] 'Notorious' (1946);
[3:30pm] 'Guys And Dolls' (1955);
[6pm] 'Meet Me In St. Louis' (1944);
[8pm] 'The Glass Key' (1942);
[9:30pm] 'Dangerous Female' (1931);
[11pm] 'Watch On The Rhine' (1943);
[1am] 'The Thin Man' (1934);
[2:45am] 'Shadow Of The Thin Man' (1941); and
[4:30am] 'Song Of The Thin Man' (1947). (ALL TIMES EST)
Former U.S. President Bill Clinton meets guests at the opening of a new AIDS research center in Beijing Tuesday Nov. 11, 2003. At left is Chinese Deputy Minister of Health Gao Qiang. After the ceremony Clinton met with six AIDS patients, and later called for China and the United States to overcome their differences on trade, saying the two powers must learn to work together to conquer common threats like AIDS, terrorism and global warming.
Photo by Greg Baker
The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
Goodie Bags Worth $31,000
American Music Awards
Gift baskets for American Music Awards participants will contain almost 150 items, including first-class round-trip airfare, vacation getaways to Jamaica, karaoke machines and gift certificates for laser eye surgery.
The value of the gift baskets is estimated at $31,000, in honour of the show's 31st anniversary. They were assembled by Steve Stein of Hollywood Connection. "I understand it's going to take at least two oversized bags for each of them to carry away the 'loot,' " executive producer Dick Clark said in a statement Monday. "Heh, if it's $31,000 now, I can't wait to see what he comes up with when the show turns 50."
The American Music Awards show will air Sunday on ABC-TV, with comedian Jimmy Kimmel as host.
American Music Awards
Bill Clinton Presidential Library Book Exhibit
George Takei
The autobiography of Star Trek actor George Takei will be among the books on display starting this month in a preview exhibit for the Bill Clinton Presidential Library.
'To the Stars', written by Takei in 1994, details the actor's life, from his childhood days in Japanese-American internment camps in Arkansas and California during World War II, to his rise to stardom portraying Hikaru Sulu in the original Star Trek TV series and in six Star Trek movies. Takei, who spent a year at an internment camp in Rohwer, sent a copy of his book to Clinton with a special inscription taken from the Star Trek series.
He wrote: "Dear President Clinton, with whom I share an Arkansas boyhood. Live long and prosper."
The book exhibit will run from Nov. 23 through Jan. 3 in downtown Little Rock's Cox Building.
George Takei
U.S. resident George W. Bush (C) meets with the recipients of the 2003 National Endowment for the Arts award, in the Oval Office of the White House, November 12, 2003. Award winners with their gold medals are, from left to right, Evan Andrew, Chairman of the Board of KLRU; George Strait, country singer; Leonard Slatkin, Symphony Orchestra conductor for the National Symphony Orchestra; Buddy Guy, blues musician; Suzanne Farrell, dancer; resident Bush; Beverly Clearly, children's book author; Ron Howard, actor, director, writer, producer; Mac Christensen, president of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir; Rafe Esquith, arts educator, fifth grade teacher; and Tommy Tune, Broadway director, actor.
Photo by Mannie Garcia
Ponders Senate Run
Al Franken
Comedian Al Franken, a Minnesota native, says he's considering moving back to the state to run against Republican Senator Norm Coleman in 2008.
"It's a long way away, five years away," Franken told the Star Tribune this week. "It might be crazy. I might not be the best candidate. Part of this is seeing what happens next year and what direction things are going." His possible bid for the Senate was first reported by Newsweek. When asked to respond to the story, Coleman said: "I have no comment. I don't do comedy."
Franken, a friend of the late Democratic senator Paul Wellstone, said he's being encouraged by his friends to run. Driving him as well has been his distaste for the Bush presidency, he said.
"I felt like after 9-11, this president had a chance. We were united in a way that I had never seen and he had a chance to take this country forward, in a spirit of mutual purpose and mutual sacrifice," the liberal humorist said.
"Instead, he just hijacked it and used it to his own political ends."
Al Franken
CBS Set Precedent Dumping 'Reagans'
Buyers Worry
When CBS last week pulled The Reagans from its sweeps schedule, no one was more surprised than advertisers. Although sponsors traditionally shy away from controversial content, even media buyers said the network's cancellation of its two-part movie smacked of censorship.
The network has denied capitulating to right-wing pressure, but several buyers said the decision not to broadcast The Reagans, originally scheduled to air Nov. 16 and 18, could set a dangerous precedent. "If the networks become even more skittish about exploring American society, politics and culture, it's ultimately the viewers that lose," said John Rash, svp and director of broadcast negotiations at Campbell Mithun.
"I can't remember the last time a show got pulled because of pressure before it even aired, before it was finished," said one media buyer. "That's the troubling part. Maybe the pressure groups will say, 'It worked here. Maybe it can work elsewhere.' "
Following efforts by conservatives to disparage the movie as well as its producers, Craig Zadan and Neil Meron, and its stars, James Brolin and Judy Davis, CBS chairman Les Moonves ordered re-edits of the telefilm, but those efforts proved unsatisfactory.
Buyers Worry
Joins N.Y. Cast Of Aida
Micky Dolenz
Micky Dolenz, who played drums in the 1960s television pop group, joins the long-running Disney musical Aida on Jan. 6 as Zoser, the villainous father of the show's young hero. The 58-year-old Dolenz has played the role in the musical's national tour. Aida undergoes a major cast change next Tuesday when Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child takes over the title role from Toni Braxton. Williams will star in the musical through Jan. 25. Will Chaseplays Egyptian captain Radames and Lisa Brescia is Amneris, an Egyptian princess and Aida's rival.
Aida, which has a score by Elton John and Tim Rice, opened at the Palace Theatre in March 2000.
Micky Dolenz
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
Returns to WWII Internment Camp
George Takei
A cypress root harvested from an Arkansas swamp 60 years ago is one of the few mementoes Star Trek actor George Takei has from his childhood at a World War II internment camp.
The gnarled knee reminds him of a part of his past he had revisited only in his mind — until this week.
As he traveled Sunday through this remote stretch of southeast Arkansas farmland, where he and more than 8,500 other Japanese-Americans lived during the war, Takei spoke of finding resilience in beauty.
Takei, who portrayed Hikaru Sulu in the original Star Trek series and in six Star Trek movies, was four when he, his parents and two younger siblings were ordered from their Los Angeles home and taken by railroad under armed guard to Arkansas after Pearl Harbor.
Six decades later, Takei drove alongside the same railroad tracks to visit the former Rohwer Relocation Center.
The Takeis spent a year at the Arkansas camp. They were later sent to a higher security camp at Tule Lake, Calif.
For more, George Takei
An employee of Sotheby's holds the largest D color internally flawless diamond for auction offered by Sotheby's in Geneva, Switzerland, Wednesday, Nov. 12, 2003. The diamond, weighing 103.83 carats, is the first classic cushion-shape of more than 100 carats to be offered and is estimated to fetch US$ 8 to10 million. The auction will be held on Nov. 20 in Geneva.
Photo by Martial Trezzini
Becomes Supreme Court Lawyer
Adrian Cronauer
The one-time military disc jockey made famous by the movie "Good Morning, Vietnam" has now become a Supreme Court lawyer.
Adrian Cronauer, 65, was sworn in Wednesday to the Supreme Court Bar. He had been played by Robin Williams in the 1987 movie based on his stint as an Armed Forces Radio disc jockey in Vietnam.
"It was very impressive," said Cronauer, a former communications lawyer who now handles prisoner-of-war issues for the Pentagon. "You look around the courtroom and you think, `This is the place, this is where history is made every day.'"
Adrian Cronauer
Thought Police Urge Boycott
Jethro Tull
Jethro Tull is off the playlist of one classic rock station after the band's front man criticized displays of the Stars and Stripes.
Ian Anderson made the remarks in an interview published Sunday in the Asbury Park Press.
"I hate to see the American flag hanging out of every bloody station wagon, out of every SUV, every little Midwestern house in some residential area," Anderson was quoted as saying. "It's easy to confuse patriotism with nationalism. Flag waving ain't gonna do it."
"The reaction of our audience has been 99 percent in favor of the ban and 99 percent incredulous that he would say such stupid things," said Phil LoCascio, WCHR program director and on-air personality. "He is a smart guy. As far as we're concerned, this ban is forever."
He said the ban is not censorship because "our listeners' right to ask us not to play the music is equal to his right to say what he wants."
Jethro Tull
Serious Hearing Loss
Phil Collins
Phil Collins says he has lost a considerable amount of hearing in his left ear. The former Genesis drummer told LAUNCH his viral infection has gotten so bad, he's been forced to trust his producers now more than ever.
"I've come to realize that maybe I'm not my own best producer," Collins said. "I have a hearing problem. My left ear is, about three years now, 60 percent gone. Viral infection, sudden deafness. Don't know what it is, but that's the way it is. It's not going to come back, probably. So I've been forced into using other pairs of ears."
Phil Collins
Book Paints Tacky Picture
Jesse Ventura
A tell-all book released Wednesday paints former Gov. Jesse Ventura as a gloomy recluse who was often rude and spent much of his time at the governor's residence watching TV.
Dan Creed, the former manager of the governor's residence says he decided to write the book after Ventura dismissed the entire staff when a couple of workers made observations about the Venturas to reporters.
In Governor Ventura (The Body) Exposed. The Man. The Mansion. The Meltdown, Creed says Ventura seldom acknowledged those who laboured on his behalf and often shunned visitors. He slept on a "1970s-throwback waterbed," and sometimes left his pink feather boa on the bed, a sight Creed said "still unnerves me for reasons I can't really put my finger on."
The Venturas are particularly distressed that the book uses snapshots taken at private family functions, Wodele said. One picture shows Ventura at his 50th birthday party dressed in a pink hula skirt and flowered headdress. Another shows the Venturas' pink bedroom, with what Creed describes as "Pepto-Bismol walls, trimmed in cough-syrup fuchsia."
Jesse Ventura
Formerly 'The Vidiot'
Opens L.A. Restaurant
Justin Timberlake
Justin Timberlake has joined the list of celebrities dabbling in the restaurant business, but don't look for Timberlake Tater Tots.
Dim sum is the specialty at Chi, the new Sunset Boulevard nightspot in the Hyatt Hotel.
Timberlake teamed up with Art and Allan Davis as part owner of Chi, described by the Los Angeles Times as "1930s Shanghai-meets-'Blade Runner'" with indoor and outdoor waterfalls.
Justin Timberlake
University of Electro-Communications graduate student Yusuke Fujii shows desktop microrobots moving a precision particle on a 'stage' at Exhibition Micromachine 2003 in Tokyo November 12, 2003. Approximately one cubic inch in size, each robot is composed of piezo elements for micro locomotion and electromagnets for fixing itself on surfaces. The robot can also provide good design modularity for optional facilities such as micro hammer for indentation, micro grating tool and dust capturing probe, which can be implemented to offer unique microscopic tasks.
Photo by Eriko Sugita
Excellence In Hypocrisy
Rush Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh will return to his radio talk show Monday after completing a five-week treatment program for his addiction to painkillers, his brother said Wednesday.
David Limbaugh made the announcement to Internet personality Matt Drudge, who was sitting in Wednesday for the conservative commentator.
His brother said the host successfully completed the first phase of his treatment. He did not say what the next step is.
Rush Limbaugh
Pleads Innocent to Charges
Courtney Love
Courtney Love pleaded innocent Wednesday to two felony drug counts after ridiculing the charges in a rambling monologue to reporters before her court appearance.
The complaint against the 39-year-old singer-actress said she illegally possessed two painkillers when she was treated at a hospital for an Oct. 2 overdose. The two painkillers, hydrocodone and oxycodone, can be prescribed legally.
She called the charges "retarded."
Carrying her pet beagle, Molly, and a bouquet of red roses, she rambled about missing money, an affair with a married man and throwing a sleeping pill at a police officer as she spoke to reporters about the allegations against her.
"Don't tell," said Love, whose past heroin use was widely reported. "It's a big secret I used to do drugs."
Courtney Love
Private Eye's Arrest a Hollywood Scandal
Anthony Pellicano
A bumbling attempt to scare a newspaper reporter off a story last year has mushroomed into a federal investigation that has left some of Hollywood's elite wondering if their phones were illegally tapped.
The affair began June 20, 2002, with a scene befitting a B-movie: Los Angeles Times reporter Anita Busch, who was looking into actor Steven Seagal's alleged mob connections, found a dead fish and a rose on the hood of her car, along with a cardboard sign with the word "Stop" taped to her windshield.
Seventeen months later, an ex-convict is awaiting trial on charges he made the threats, while the man he says hired him to do it, celebrity private eye Anthony Pellicano, is set to begin serving time for illegally possessing military-style explosives and hand grenades.
But what has Hollywood talking is the fact that the FBI, which in the course of the investigation searched Pellicano's office, apparently turned up transcripts of phone conversations and is now investigating whether Pellicano illegally tapped the phones of some celebrities, their lawyers and their agents.
For a lot more, Anthony Pellicano
More Hostile With Reporters
U.S. Troops
With casualties mounting in Iraq, jumpy U.S. soldiers are becoming more aggressive in their treatment of journalists covering the conflict.
Media people have been detained, news equipment has been confiscated and some journalists have suffered verbal and physical abuse while trying to report on events.
Although the number of incidents involving soldiers and journalists is difficult to gauge, anecdotal evidence suggests it has risen sharply the past two months.
A TV news producer in Baghdad for a major U.S. television network said his crews had been threatened at least 10 times in recent weeks with confiscation of their equipment. He asked not to be quoted by name because of his company's policy against giving interviews to other media.
For a lot more, U.S. Troops
Hard At Work, Setting New Standards
Ahnold
For many days, aides have portrayed California Governor-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger as immersed in meetings on his new administration which takes office on Monday. But they never said where exactly that immersion was taking place.
It turns out that the actor and his wife Maria Shriver have been vacationing in Hawaii with their four children, a person close to the family told Reuters.
"They took the children off to Hawaii," he said on Wednesday, adding that the couple's kids missed some school as a result of the pre-inaugural travels.
In communications to the media, his transition office has sought to project the image of a man hard at work.
During his election campaign, the actor pledged to set new standards of openness, but has already made several unannounced out-of-state private trips, including a visit to a Sun Valley, Idaho ski resort and to Las Vegas.
Ahnold
The San Diego Zoo's unnamed male panda cub attempts to stand on all four paws as he poses for the camera after a health exam November 12, 2003 at the SBC Giant Panda Research Station at the San Diego Zoo. The zoo's veterinarians performed the routine exam and say it may be weeks or more before teeth develop inside the cub's mouth. At 11 weeks-old, the cub weighs more than nine pounds and measures more than 22 inches long. The photo was taken Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Photo by Ken Bohn
'The Osbournes'
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