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The Artful Dodger
THE HOLLYWOOD HUSTLE
Here are some recent screenplay deals that might make it through development hell and show up on your local movie screens in a few years.
Instant movie
Kevin James will star in "Fan Interference," a comedy inspired by the Cubs fan who messed up his team's chances to advance to the World Series.
Prediction: How many writers will they bring in to try to save face on this one after they realize it's not a movie after all? Sure, they had a great time in the pitch meeting but when will these folks realize that the more they laugh in the room, the less the audience will in the theater? Now they're forced to cobble a lame plot together to prop up the comic hijinks of less than ten seconds of real story. And Kevin James on the big screen? We've barely got Tom Arnold out of our cultural system.
*****
Short hop down the 405
"Havoc," a drama about Latino gangs, will star Bijou Phillips, Anne Hathaway, Laura San Giacomo and Michael Biehn. Story revolves around teenagers who leave their pristine suburban homes to mingle with urban gangs.
Prediction: This movie will basically be a hip-hop music soundtrack with some fast-paced images to go with it. That means they'll pull in a healthy number on opening weekend, the baggy-pants MP3 lower-back-tatooo crowd, but anybody with an actual income or life responsibilities will stay far away from this one.
*****
They're gonna yell a lot
Vince Vaughn will star in a comedy called "The Break-Up," about a couple forced to live in the same house despite the fact that they're splitting up.
Prediction: Let's go through some predictable beats: angry stares over the breakfast table, arguments over bringing dates home and who gets the good bed, sexual insults - a veritable "War of the Roses" Junior until the stunning moment when the couple realizes they belong together after all. With Vaughn's likeability rating plummeting lower every time they play that spitting scene on "Celebrities Uncensored," this movie won't even do well on DVD.
*****
Bob on the run
Robert Redford will star in "The Company You Keep," a drama about an older man whose history with radical groups comes back to haunt him.
Prediction: Didn't Judd Hirsch already make this movie? Sounds like Redford's returning to his "Three Days of the Condor" roots, playing a guy on the run who has to hook up with a woman who can save him. But let's be real: Faye Dunaway's too old for Bob now, right?
*****
Instant classic
Hackman, Hoffman and Duvall will star in "Bit Players," about a group of men who seek revenge against a Wall Street financial pirate who ruined their town.
Prediction: Are you kidding? A movie starring the Holy Three will rock regardless of the overall strength of the director, script or supporting players. This is a chance for Old Hollywood to show the kids how it's done, and audiences will reward them with big numbers.
*****
Yet another hooker
"The Crimson Petal and the White" will star Kirsten Dunst as a prostitute who becomes mistress to a powerful man.
Prediction: It'll look great, they'll pump in enough cash to bring 19th century London to life with integrity and Kirsten will be radiant on screen. If they have the good sense to go for the bleachers and turn this into a complete chick flick, they'll see hefty box office. Otherwise, if they aim for a hybrid that will also appeal to guys, they'll water down the movie's basic strength and end up with a lot of gorgeous mush.
~ The Artful Dodger
Readaer Suggestion
Re: First Man On Mars
Hey Marty,
I ran across this. I am thinking about seeing if he has room for three and could take me and the misses.
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Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
Reader Comment
Re: Angel Last Night
The worst thing I have heard in decades on tv: on Angel, tonight,
Spike, to Angel: *You* liked Barry Manilow.
mark "barf bag!"
--
"Morality is alright, but what about dividends?"
-- Kaiser Willhem II
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Still stinking hot.
Tonight, Thursday, CBS is supposed to begin the night with a FRESH 'Survivor: Pearl Islands', followed by a FRESH
'CSI: Crime Scene Investigation', then a FRESH 'Without A Trace'.
On a RERUN Dave are Denzel Washington, the New York Philharmonic, and "Survivor" castoff Ryan Shoulders. (RERUNs all week)
On a RERUN Craiggers are Martin Sheen, Busy Philipps, and Gene Pompa. (RERUNs all week)
NBC is supposed to start the night with a RERUN 'Friends', followed by a FRESH 'Scrubs', then a
RERUN 'Will & Grace', followed by a FRESH 'Coupling', then a FRESH 'ER'.
On a RERUN Jay are 90 California gubernatorial candidates, Robert Downey Jr., Tess, and Blue Man Group. (RERUNs all week)
On a RERUN Conan are Martin Lawrence, Mandy Moore, and Joe Buck. (RERUNs all week)
On a RERUN Carson Daly are Salma Hayek, Scott Speedman, and Blues Traveler. (RERUNs all week)
ABC is supposed to open the evening with a FRESH 'Threat Matrix', followed by a FRESH 'Extreme Makeover', followed by 'Primetime Thursday'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Wanda Sykes, Travis Fimmel, and the Rapture, with this week's guest co-host Anthony Anderson.
The WB offers a FRESH 'Steve Harvey's Big Time', followed by a FRESH 'Jamie Kennedy', then a FRESH
'What I Like About You', followed by a FRESH 'Run Of The House'.
Faux has game 5 of the 'World Series'.
UPN fills the night with 'WWE Smackdown!'.
A&E has 'Who Killed Laci?', followed by the movie 'A Bronx Tale'.
AMC offers the movie 'Three Days Of The Condor', followed by the movie 'The Bounty', then the movie 'Two Jakes'.
BBC -
[6pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Fry;
[7pm] 'Ground Force' - Okehampton;
[7:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Maidstone;
[8pm] 'House Invaders' - Royton, Oldham;
[8:30pm] 'House Invaders' - Southgate;
[9pm] 'Faking It' - Lady Lisa;
[10pm] 'Coupling' - The Girl with Two Breasts;
[10:40pm] 'Behind the Screen' - Coupling;
[11pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Jackie Collins, Morten Harket;
[11:30pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Anthony Head;
[12am] 'Faking It' - Lady Lisa;
[1am] 'Coupling' - The Girl with Two Breasts;
[1:40am] 'Behind the Screen' - Coupling;
[2am] 'House Invaders' - Royton, Oldham;
[2:30am] 'House Invaders' - Southgate;
[3am] 'So Graham Norton' - Jackie Collins, Morten Harket;
[3:30am] 'So Graham Norton' - Anthony Head;
[4am] 'Faking It' - Lady Lisa;
[5am] 'Coupling' - The Girl with Two Breasts;
[5:40am] 'Behind the Screen' - Coupling and
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EDT)
Bravo has 'West Wing', followed by a 2-hour 'Inside The Actor's Studio' (Clint Eastwood), 'Queer Eye', and another 'West Wing'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jon Stewart is Neal Pollack.
History has 'Modern Marvels', 'Last Secrets Of The Axis', and 'Modern Marvels'.
SciFi has the movie 'The Car', followed by the movie 'The Wraith', and then the movie 'Creepshow'.
TCM -
[6am] 'Tear Gas Squad' (1940);
[7am] 'The Roaring Twenties' (1939);
[9am] 'The Racket Busters' (1938);
[10:30am] 'The Corn Is Green' (1945);
[12:30pm] 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' (1935);
[3pm] '42nd Street' (1933);
[4:30pm] 'Boy Meets Girl' (1938);
[6pm] 'Captain Blood' (1935);
[8pm] 'Creature from the Black Lagoon' (1954);
[9:30pm] 'Wait Until Dark' (1967);
[11:30pm] 'Dial M For Murder' (1954);
[1:30am] 'Gaslight' (1940);
[3am] 'Gaslight' (1944) and
[5am] 'Intermezzo: A Love Story' (1939). (ALL TIMES EDT)
Actor-director Peter Fonda, left, is joined by actor Larry Hagman as he holds a replica of his new star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in Los Angeles, Wednesday, Oct. 22, 2003. Hagman appeared in the television version of Fonda's 1971 film, 'The Hired Hand.'
Photo by Chris Pizzello
The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
Part 1
The World Awards
An Iraqi boy, who lost both arms and his parents in a missile strike in Baghdad, gave Iraqi and Kuwaiti doctors a "Men of the Year" prize on Wednesday for their work with victims of the U.S.-led war.
Ali Ismaeel Abbas, 13, who became a symbol of the civilian cost of war, presented the award to Kuwaiti doctor Dr Ahmad al-Shatti who recently fitted him with artificial limbs in London.
"War is something terrible, I don't understand why adults do things like that," he told the World Awards ceremony in Hamburg attended by celebrities including paralyzed Superman actor Christopher Reeve and U.S. film star Michael Douglas.
The World Awards
Part 2
The World Awards
The World Awards organisation was set up three years ago to honour men who have played a leading and positive role in changing the world.
Wednesday evening's ceremony in the northern German city of Hamburg was to be presided by former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev.
The "men of the year" honour went to Iraqi doctors for their heroic work among civilians during the US-led war against Baghdad earlier this year, according to the citation.
Other awards included: "World business" -- Heinrich von Pierer;
"World actor" -- Michael Douglas and "World artist" -- Morgan Freeman;
"World tolerance" -- Lech Walesa;
"World social" -- Cat Stevens;
"World media" -- Larry King;
"World fashion" -- Karl Lagerfeld;
"World achievement" -- Placido Domingo;
"World connection" -- Jan Ullrich;
"World future" -- scientist Dietrich Groenemeyer for research into cancer.
"World entertainment" -- Siegfried and Roy. The latter, Roy Horn, is still receiving intensive treatment after being mauled by a white tiger during their Las Vegas show earlier this month.
In addition, a special lifetime achievement award went to Christopher Reeve, the paralysed "Superman" actor; another to the veteran Bee Gees; and a "world arts" gong to the British pop group Pet Shop Boys.
The World Awards
Former President Bill Clinton waves next to Spain's Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar, left, during a photo call at the Moncloa Palace in Madrid, Spain Monday Oct. 20, 2003. Clinton is due to give a speech in Barcelona later Monday.
Photo by J.L.Pino
Finally Files for Divorce
Liza Minnelli
Liza Minnelli filed for divorce from estranged husband David Gest on Wednesday, a day after he filed a $10 million lawsuit against the entertainer, accusing her of beating him during alcoholic rages.
Minnelli moved to end her 16-month marriage shortly after issuing a statement denying Gest's allegations.
"I hoped very much that the end of my marriage would be handled with mutual respect and dignity," Minnelli said. "The allegations in this lawsuit are hurtful and without merit. My lawyers will respond to the lawsuit in the proper forum.
Liza Minnelli
Hands Berlin 1,000 Pictures
Helmut Newton
Photographer Helmut Newton, famed for his controversial portraits of naked women, presented 1,000 of his pictures to Berlin on Wednesday, the city he grew up in but had to flee during the Nazi persecution of Jews.
"When I left in 1938, I never missed Germany, but I missed Berlin a lot," Newton told a news conference.
Newton, born in Berlin in 1920 into a prominent Jewish family, handed over the photographs on long-term loan for a permanent exhibit.
Helmut Newton
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
AIDS Benefit In South Africa
46664
U2 frontman Bono and Beyonce Knowles have signed on for an AIDS benefit concert called 46664 at Green Point Stadium in Cape Town, South Africa, on November 29. They'll be joined by Western artists including Eurythmics, the Coors, Anastacia, and Queen, and African stars like Youssou N'Dour, Ladysmith Black Mombazo, Angelique Kidjo, and Johnny Clegg. The concert, which should be released on CD and DVD early next year, is named for the prison number former South African president Nelson Mandela wore while he was a political prisoner in Cape Town for 18 years.
The 46664 show will air live over the air and on the Internet. It will also be made available free of charge to all TV and radio outlets for broadcast on December 1, which is World Aids Day.
Besides the concert, funds will be raised through a special telephone campaign. In the U.S., callers to the toll-free number 866-614-6664 will be asked to make a credit-card contribution after a brief statement from Mandela or another celebrity, which could be Knowles, Britney Spears, Pink, Shakira, 50 Cent, Paul McCartney, David Bowie, or actor Robert DeNiro. Callers will also be able to buy and listen to a new song called "46664 (Long Walk To Freedom)," which was written by Bono, Stewart, and the late Clash singer-guitarist Joe Strummer, and which was recorded by Bono, Stewart, Youssou N'Dour, and Abdel. The track is only available by phone for now, and it will also be sold eventually through the website 46664.com, where phone numbers for other countries can also be found.
46664
British actor Ian Carmichael, 83, poses with his OBE (Officer of the Order of the British Empire) after he received the award from Britain's Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace, London, October 22, 2003. Carmichael is famous for his British television role of the PG Woodhouse character Bertie Wooster.
Photo by John Stillwell
Still In Talks With U.S. Film Distributor
Mel Gibson
Mel Gibson is negotiating with Newmarket Films to distribute his embattled Biblical epic "The Passion of Christ" in the United States.
Gibson's company, Icon Productions, will retain all rights to the film but will pay a percentage of the earnings to Newmarket in exchange for domestic distribution, the trade newspaper Variety reported Wednesday, adding that he will distribute the film himself in the United Kingdom and Australia.
Variety reported that the pact with Newmarket was a done deal, but Gibson's spokesman, Alan Nierob, said that was premature and declined further comment. Newmarket officials also refused to comment.
Mel Gibson
Staley Tribute No Longer 'Lost'
Eddie Vedder
A song Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder wrote about Alice In Chains frontman Layne Staley on the day of his death will be released on "Lost Dogs," the group's upcoming double-disc rarities collection.
The track, dubbed "4/20/02," is not listed on the album but can be found several minutes after "Bee Girl," the last song on the set's second disc. "Lost Dogs" will be released Nov. 11 by Epic, the same day as the concert DVD "Live at the Garden."
Pearl Jam will play four benefit shows in the coming days: Wednesday (Oct. 22) in Seattle, Oct. 25-26 at Neil Young's Bridge School Benefit outside San Francisco and Oct. 28 in Santa Barbara, Calif.
Eddie Vedder
Formerly 'The Vidiot'
Hasbro Files Suit
Ghettopoly
The company that makes the Monopoly board game has sued the man who created "Ghettopoly" — a knockoff featuring "playas" who build crack houses on Cheap Trick Avenue instead of hotels on Boardwalk.
The lawsuit by Hasbro Inc. seeks unspecified damages from David Chang, alleging he violated Hasbro's trademarks and copyrights and created "irreparable injury" to Hasbro's reputation. It also wants the court to order Chang to stop producing and selling Ghettopoly.
Ghettopoly mimics Monopoly, except game pieces include a gun and marijuana leaf. In place of the "Mr. Monopoly" logo of a man with his arms outstretched, Ghettopoly uses a caricature of a black man holding a submachine gun and bottle of malt liquor.
Ghettopoly
Thor Dunmire, a marine specialist with the National Undersea Research Center, guides an 18th century cannon to the ocean's surface, October 22, 2003 off Key Largo in the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary. Keys Sanctuary and Research Center officials recovered one of 13 cannons from an area called the 'Cannon Patch.' Experts will study it for clues to identify the ship it originated from, but believe it may have been jettisoned by a British vessel that grounded. Remaining cannons and artifacts are in 13 feet of water for snorkelers and divers to inspect.
Photo by Dave Score
Producer Charged With Smuggling Reptiles
Michael Linley
An award-winning British film producer and conservationist appeared in an Australian court Tuesday charged with trying to smuggle hundreds of frogs and reptiles out of Australia in his luggage.
Michael Linley was arrested by customs officials at Perth International Airport in Western Australia state Monday, after more than 200 live reptiles and frogs were found in his suitcases, along with insects.
Linley, whose credits include work for National Geographic, was released on bail on condition he surrender his passport and report to police three times a week.
Michael Linley
Willy's Son To Play Spy
Matthias Brandt
A made-for-TV film will this week revive one of the greatest political scandals of post-war German politics, when chancellor Willy Brandt was toppled after a close aide was exposed as a communist spy.
Here's the twist: the actor playing the shadowy double role of spy Guenter Guillaume is Brandt's son, Matthias.
Matthias Brandt was 12 when the scandal broke in 1974, obliging his father to resign after five years in office.
For more, Matthias Brandt
Whiskey Flows Once More
Mount Vernon
George Washington's estate on the Potomac River hasn't been home to a working distillery for about two centuries, but that changed Tuesday as whiskey makers recreated the father of the country's popular recipe.
Washington started his whiskey business in 1797, after leaving politics. The enterprise, which relied on slaves, thrived. It yielded 11,000 gallons of whiskey and a profit of $7,500 — or about $105,000 in today's dollars — in one year.
They're planning to age the whiskey in two barrels for a couple years, and when they think it's ready, they will auction off an estimated 96 bottles of it to benefit the Mount Vernon estate.
Just adjacent to the outdoor area where the distillers recreated Washington's whiskey are the rocks and bricks that make up the foundation of the first president's distillery. The Distilled Spirits Council, the industry's trade group, is spending more than $1 million to excavate the site and rebuild the distillery. The project is expected to be completed in two years.
Mount Vernon
Mount Vernon
Distilled Spirits Council
Ach, Du Lieber!
Porno Karaoke
Germans are screaming, moaning and panting for the latest nightlife craze -- porno karaoke.
The event follows the rules of traditional karaoke but instead of standing in for Whitney Houston or Frank Sinatra, contestants belt out the parts of adult movie stars.
Players pair off in male-female teams as a XXX film is loaded into the projector. With the sound turned off, each duo is handed two microphones and has one minute to provide the aural fireworks for the action on the screen.
The crowd, which tends to find the show more comic than erotic, then chooses the couple that has given the most convincing, creative and ecstatic performance while faking an orgasm before hundreds of strangers.
Porno Karaoke
In Memory
Elliott Smith
Elliott Smith, a singer-songwriter whose dark, introspective songs won him critical acclaim and an Academy Award nomination, has apparently committed suicide, coroner's officials said Wednesday. He was 34.
Smith's body was found by his girlfriend Tuesday, Los Angeles County Coroner Records Supervisor Marsha Grigsby told AP Radio.
He sustained a single stab wound to the chest that appeared to be self-inflicted, she said.
Smith released five solo albums that received widespread acclaim from rock critics and garnered modest commercial success. "Miss Misery," recorded for Gus Van Sant's "Good Will Hunting," was nominated for an Oscar in 1998.
Smith was born Steven Paul Smith in Nebraska; his mother was a singer and his father was a psychiatrist. He spent most of his childhood with his mother in the suburbs of Dallas and then moved to Portland, Ore., while in high school to live with his father.
He studied piano and guitar as a youth and began composing songs when he was 13. He began calling himself Elliott in middle school, he later explained to a reporter, because Steve sounded too "jockish."
A graduate of Hampshire College in Amherst, Mass., he later joined a Portland punk band called Heatmiser. On the side, he recorded several solo albums — "Roman Candle" (1994), "Elliott Smith" (1995) and "Either/Or" (1997), all on independent labels — that won him a devoted underground following.
Elliott Smith
In Memory
Fred 'Rerun' Berry
Fred Berry, the bulb-shaped, squeaky-voiced actor famous for playing red-beret-wearing Rerun on the 1970s TV sitcom "What's Happening!" has died at age 52, police said Wednesday.
Berry died Tuesday at his home in Los Angeles of apparent natural causes, police Officer Jason Lee said. The county coroner was investigating the exact nature of the death, but friends said Berry had been in ill health due to a recent stroke.
He wore his red beret and suspenders in real life, and it was unclear whether he originally brought his own style to the character of Rerun or whether he was forever mimicking the character that made him famous.
The name Rerun, according to Berry, referred to the character's brainlessness: In the summer, he had to rerun all the classes he failed during the school year.
Berry's success on the show was clouded by his heavy use of marijuana and cocaine. "There were dealers right there in the studio, people that worked there," he said in 1996. "In the '70s, it was like that on a lot of TV shows. It was the Hollywood lifestyle then. Everybody was doing it."
By the time "What's Happening!" ended, Berry said he had blown more than a million dollars on drugs, cars, homes and an airplane. With no acting jobs heading his way, Berry tried to live off his fame by charging to appear at shopping malls.
Berry's love life was another complication. He married a dancer while in his 20s, and the two divorced, remarried and divorced again. Berry repeated that performance with his second wife, whom he married and divorced twice (most recently in 1991). He also married and divorced two other women.
By 1986, Berry says, he abandoned drugs and started to speak at churches, schools and other groups, finally working as a minister in Madison, Ala., at the New Shiloh Church Ministry.
He was still dabbling in show business. Berry recently appeared on the TV shows "Star Dates" on the E! Entertainment Network, MTV's "Doggy Fizzle Televizzle" with Snoop Dogg and in a cameo role in the David Spade comedy film "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star."
Fred 'Rerun' Berry
In Memory
Janice Rule
Janice Rule, the actress who played pretty sister Madge in Broadway's Picnic, opposite a young Paul Newman 50 years ago, died Oct. 17 at her home in Manhattan, according to The New York Times.
Ms. Rule was 72 and had a mixed career of acting and (in the last twenty years) practicing as a psychoanalyst. In William Inge's Picnic, she was tempted by sexy drifter Hal, played by Ralph Meeker. Paul Newman, who was making his Broadway debut in 1953, played Alan.
Ms. Rule was born Mary Janice Rule in Norwood, Ohio. Her father was a dealer in industrial diamonds. She was attracted to dance and acting at an early age and studied acting at the Chicago Professional School. She first appeared as a solo dancer at the Chez Paree in Chicago in 1946 and later danced in the nightclub choruses at the Copacabana and the Riviera in New York City.
Her marriages to Ben Gazzara, N. Richard Nash and Robert Thom ended in divorce. She is survived by daughters Kate Thom Fitzgerald and Elizabeth Gazzara, and three sisters and brother.
Janice Rule
In Memory
Jack Elam
Jack Elam, a character actor and favorite Western villain who menaced good-guy cowboys with his crazy grin, wild eyes and remorseless gunslinging in films such as "Rawhide" and "Wichita," has died, a family friend said Tuesday.
Elam, who had been in declining health in recent years, died Monday afternoon at his home in Ashland, Ore., of unspecified illness, according to longtime friend Al Hassan.
Most biographies list the actor as 86 years old, but Hassan said he was actually 84, having lied about his age as a youngster to get work.
"He was cantankerous in a great way, in a funny way," Hassan said. "He smoked, drank, all that stuff. He lived one of the best lives I've ever seen."
Elam worked as a Hollywood accountant in the 1940s and had bit parts, usually uncredited, in the films "Trailin' West" (1949), "Quicksand" (1950) and "One Way Street" (1950).
Elam, born in Miami, Ariz., didn't always play the mean old hombre — he also found himself cast as dirty old men and harmless drunks, sometimes with a humorous bent in comedies like "Support Your Local Sheriff" and "The Cockeyed Cowboys of Calico County."
The actor's own cockeye was the result of a childhood fight in Phoenix. The way he told it, a fellow Boy Scout stabbed him in the left eye with a pencil during a scrape at a troop meeting. He remained blind in that eye, which wandered lazily around its socket.
He complained about the modern villains that evolved in the 1970s, who had shades of psychological problems behind their bad behavior. "The heavy today is usually not my kind of guy," he said in the Los Angeles Times in 1977.
"In the old days, Rory Calhoun was the hero because he was the hero and I was the heavy because I was the heavy — and nobody cared what my problem was. And I didn't either," he added. "I robbed the bank because I wanted the money ... I've played all kinds of weirdos but I've never done the quiet, sick type. I never had a problem — other than the fact I was just bad."
Jack Elam
A Sumatran Orangutan male carries its baby which was born Oct. 14 at Moscow Zoo in Moscow, Wednesday, Oct. 22, 2003.
Photo by Mikhail Metzel
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'The Osbournes'
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