'TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
The Artful Dodger
'THE HOLLYWOOD HUSTLE'
Here are some recent screenplay deals that might make it through development hell and show up on your local movie screens in a few years.
That #!=*#& Osbourne kid
Worlds collide as Ozzie's son, Jack, heads for the big screen in...are you ready...a new Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie, "New York Minute." Young Jack will play a rock and roll manager, bringing a lifetime of music biz insight to the role. Presumably, hijinks will ensue...
Prediction: If ads trade on the Olsen twins' budding sexuality, they'll have a respectable opening weekend. Otherwise, look for so-so theatrical but big DVD rental numbers.
*****
But will it play on Spike TV?
Director Spike Lee has written a comedy, "She Hate Me," about a man who loses his job and turns to selling his sperm to wealthy and powerful lesbians. No word yet on a studio; Lee is reported to be shopping the script for financing. Whoopi Goldberg has been mentioned for the cast.
Prediction: If Spike regains his early, edgy sense of humor, this could play well across several demographics.
*****
He's baaack
Action star Steven Seagal once again delves into the mysteries of the East, this time in the self-penned action script "Into the Sun." Story deals with a special agent, now retired, who must overcome the deadly yakuza who are threatening his family.
Prediction: Seagal surprised many his last time out but he's had questionable press lately. And can he still pull off the same muscle-bound theatrics from 15 years ago?
*****
Another mother
Martin Lawrence will reprise his role as Big Momma in a big-screen sequel to "Big Momma's House." Written by Don Rhymer.
Prediction: Big Momma will have a big opening weekend, possibly a two or three-weekend crown, depending on whether the studio's TV ad blitz will yield sufficiently funny/gross/memorable water-cooler jokes.
*****
Like, wicked flashback, man
Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong will return for another smokin' cinematic adventure in an as-yet-untitled comedy.
Prediction: Nostalgia aside, can the boys find a way to be relevant in the 21st century? Let's hope they don't settle for the first idea that pops into their heads.
*****
Love conquers all
Writer-director Cameron Crowe finally has a follow-up to his brilliant "Almost Famous." "Elizabethtown," a comedy about two young people who find romance at a most unusual time, will star Kirsten Dunst and Ashton Kutcher.
Prediction: There's massive industry muscle behind this project which, combined with Crowe's formidable skills and the star wattage of Dunst and Kutcher, seems destined for critical and box office success. You heard it here first.
*****
Cartoon casting call
Miramax has plans to bring Archie's main squeezes, Betty and Veronica, to the big screen. The live-action comedy will be produced in partnership with Chuck Grimes, from Archie Comics Entertainment.
Prediction: There was"Scooby Doo," but then again there was "Josie and the Pussycats." Will the studio choose retro kitsch or play it safe and stick with boobs and catfights?
*****
Hicks pick Click pic?
Adam Sandler learns a big lesson in "Click," a comedy-drama about a workaholic ad exec who stumbles across a magical TiVo-ish remote control that lets him program his own life events. Trouble erupts when the clicker itself starts choosing the events he experiences. Written by Steve Koren and Mark O'Keefe.
Prediction: Yet another faux-Capra yukfest-turned-poignant-weeper? Or will Sandler cut loose and just make us laugh for the hell of it? Script sold for over a million bucks so there's sure to be heavy rewrites underway...
~ The Artful Dodger
Another Bumper Sticker
from Mark
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
The weather was so nice we took a trip down to Seal Beach.
Sorta needed a break from the deluge of viri-bearing e-mail, too. The Yahoo account has been useless for 2 days - so far.
The (fastest & easiest) highway to Vegas is closed just past Bakersfield. A bridge has been declared unsafe after a flash flood yesterday. OTOH, the approach from the south is only an hour longer.
Planning on a trip out to the Valley today. It's Uncle Jimmy's birthday!
Tonight, Thursday, CBS opens the evening with the Season Finale of 'The Amazing Race 4', followed by a
RERUN 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigation', then a RERUN 'Without A Trace'.
On a RERUN Dave are Aron Ralston and Tobey Maguire. (RERUNs all week)
Scheduled on a FRESH Craiggers are Carmen Electra, Shia LeBeouf, and Thrice.
NBC starts the night with a RERUN 'Friends', followed by a RERUN 'Scrubs', then a RERUN
'Will & Grace', followed by another RERUN 'Scrubs', then a RERUN 'ER'.
On a RERUN Jay are Johnny Depp, wiener dog races, and Ricky Martin. (RERUNs all this week & next week, too)
On a RERUN Conan are Chris Rock, Sofia Vergara, and Everclear. (RERUNs all this week & next week, too)
On a RERUN Carson Daly are Newt Gingrich and Longwave. (RERUNs all this week & next week, too)
ABC begins the evening with the RERUN 'All ABC Bloopers', followed by a RERUN 'Extreme Makeover', then 'Primetime Thursday'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Mischa Barton and Undertaker, with this week's guest co-host Horatio Sanz.
The WB offers a RERUN 'Jamie Kennedy', followed by a RERUN 'What I Like About You', then another RERUN
'What I Like About You'.
Faux has more 'NFL Preseason', so the left coast will have to make-do with RERUN 'Simpsons', RERUN 'King Of The Hill', RERUN
'Drew Carey', and if we're really lucky, another RERUN 'Simpsons'.
UPN fills the night with 'WWE Smackdown!'.
A&E has 'Biography' (Tom Hanks) and 'Columbo Cries Wolf'.
AMC offers the movie 'Rio Grande', followed by the movie 'Tora! Tora! Tora!', then the movie 'Castle Keep'.
BBC -
[7pm] 'Ground Force' - Alloa;
[7:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Pembrey;
[8pm] 'House Invaders' - Longford, Coventry;
[8:30pm] 'House Invaders' - Coudon Coventry;
[9pm] 'Faking It' - Hot Dog Vendor to Chef;
[10pm] 'Faking It' - Lady Lisa;
[11pm] 'So Graham Norton' - John Waters, Helena Bonham Carter;
[12am] 'Faking It' - Hot Dog Vendor to Chef;
[1am] 'Faking It' - Lady Lisa;
[2am] 'House Invaders' - Longford, Coventry;
[2:30am] 'House Invaders' - Coudon Coventry; and
[3am] 'So Graham Norton' - John Waters, Helena Bonham Carter. (ALL TIMES EDT)
Bravo has 'West Wing', followed by the movie 'Waiting For Guffman', then 'Queer Eye'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jon Stewart is Rep. Dennis Kucinich. (RERUNs next week)
History has 'Modern Marvels', 'The True Story Of Black Hawk Down', and more 'Modern Marvels'.
SciFi has the movie 'Disturbing Behavior', followed by the movie 'Urban Legend'.
TCM pays a long overdue tribute to Judy Garland for the next 24-hours.
[6am] 'The Clock' (1945);
[8am] 'A Child Is Waiting' (1963);
[10am] 'Love Finds Andy Hardy' (1938);
[11:45am] 'Babes in Arms' (1939);
[1:30pm] 'Girl Crazy' (1943);
[3:15pm] 'In The Good Old Summertime' (1949);
[5pm] 'I Could Go On Singing' (1963);
[6:45pm] 'Impressions of Garland' (1972);
[8pm] 'The Harvey Girls' (1946);
[10pm] 'A Star Is Born' (1954);
[1am] 'Meet Me In St. Louis' (1944);
[3am] 'Easter Parade' (1948); and
[4:45am] 'Listen, Darling' (1938). (ALL TIMES EDT)
Daniel Barenboim conducts an orchestra comprised of young Israeli, Palestinian, Syrian, Jordanian, Egyptian and other musicians during a 'Concert for the Peace' in Merida, Spain Tuesday Aug. 19, 2003.
Photo by Pedro Gato
The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
Special Sunday - VH1
Warren Zevon
Terminally ill with cancer, Warren Zevon told producer Jorge Calderon that he wanted to record Bob Dylan's "Knockin' on Heaven's Door."
Calderon groaned. Anything but that, please. He still can't listen to it without tears.
Dylan's tale of a doomed gunslinger reaches a new emotional level coming from the voice of a man who's really dying. The choice also — let's be frank — reflects the 56-year-old singer's well-known twisted sense of humor.
Given a death sentence by doctors, Zevon hasn't retreated. He wrote and recorded a final album at a furious pace and opened his life to VH1 cameras for an intimate diary. The VH1 special premieres 10 p.m. EDT Sunday, then "The Wind" CD comes out Tuesday.
And Aug. 28 marks exactly one year since Zevon was told he had inoperable lung cancer and three months to live.
For the rest of a good read, Warren Zevon
www.warrenzevon.com/
Ailing Duo Back at Work
'Raymond'
Production resumed on CBS' "Everybody Loves Raymond" Tuesday following the return of co-stars Doris Roberts and Peter Boyle, both of whom called in sick the day before.
The "Raymond" set has been rocked by the impasse between producers and Emmy-winning co-star Brad Garrett, who has demanded a raise before he returns and thus has been written out of next month's premiere episode. Co-star Patricia Heaton also was out sick several days last week, but the actress did report to work Tuesday, a CBS spokesman confirmed.
Roberts was laid low by a knee injury sustained during a photo shoot for Glamour magazine earlier this month, her spokesman said. A source close to the show said Boyle has been struggling in recent months with adverse reactions to a prescription drug.
'Raymond'
Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher arrive at the 'Runway for Life' Celebrity Fashion Show Benefitting St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital and celebrating the DVD relese of Chicago in Beverly Hills, Calif., Tuesday, Aug. 19, 2003.
Photo by Jill Connelly
Out on Video
'Bowling for Columbine'
The DVD for Michael Moore's Oscar-winning documentary captures the filmmaker at his self-aggrandizing best. Moore's exploration of gun violence in America is accompanied by a wealth of interviews, film-festival appearances and a return trip to Littleton, Colo., where the Columbine shootings occurred. Moore says academy officials would not let him include his fiery attack on resident Bush and the Iraq war in his Oscar speech, but he does offer a detailed defense of his tirade. He notes that for a moment, amid the Oscar glitz and applause, he "thought I could just stand here and soak up all the love and just blow them a few kisses" before walking off. "But you know," Moore continues, "I got this damn conscience ..." The DVD also has a teacher's guide for classroom civics instruction. Moore forgoes audio commentary, turning that task over to his production assistants, interns and receptionist. DVD, $26.98. (MGM)
Hitting DVD at the same time is Moore's first movie, "Roger & Me," the wistful portrait of his hometown of Flint, Mich., the devastating General Motors' plant closings there, and his hilarious pursuit of GM boss Roger Smith for answers. The DVD includes commentary by Moore. DVD, $19.98. (Warner Bros.)
'Bowling for Columbine'
Duet With Johnny Cash
Joe Strummer
The version of Bob Marley's "Redemption Song" that will appear on late Clash frontman Joe Strummer's final solo album is one of two likely to see daylight by the end of the year.
The other features Strummer dueting with Johnny Cash, and is expected to show up on a box set collecting outtakes from the country legend's work with producer/American Recordings chief Rick Rubin.
Rubin recorded, produced and mixed both versions, each of which were cut last year in Los Angeles, during the recording sessions for Cash's most recent studio album, "American IV: The Man Comes Around."
"When we were recording 'The Man Comes Around,' Joe was coming every day, because he loved Johnny Cash, and he just happened to be in L.A. on vacation," Rubin told Billboard. "And he actually extended his trip a week longer just to come every day and be around Johnny."
Rubin recorded a solo version of the song that features Strummer on acoustic guitar and vocals. That version is slated to appear on Strummer's third album with his band the Mescaleros, "Streetcore," due Oct. 7 from Hellcat/Epitaph.
For a lot more, Joe Strummer
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
ABC Exec Jumps to CBS
Victor Neufeld
Veteran ABC News executive Victor Neufeld has jumped to CBS to become the No. 2 executive on "The Early Show," CBS announced on Wednesday.
Neufeld, 56, spent the last 30 years at ABC News and was the chief executive behind "20/20" from 1987 to 2000. He has recently been an executive overseeing all of ABC's newsmagazines, although he no longer had a direct role in running them day-to-day.
"The Early Show" is perennially third in the ratings behind NBC's "Today" and ABC's "Good Morning America," but has recently shown improvement after adding Dave Price as a regular weatherman.
Victor Neufeld
A bolt of lightning hits east of the Stratosphere Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada, August 19, 2003. A powerful thunderstorm dumped three inches of rain in about 90 minutes in the northwest section of the city causing major flooding and stranding many motorists.
Photo by Ethan Miller
Great Read by Paul Krassner
Slaughtering Cows and Popping Cherries
Late one extremely hot night in the spring of 1958, alone and naked, I was sitting at my desk in Lyle Stuart's office, preparing final copy for the first issue of the Realist. I had served my journalistic apprenticeship at Stuart's anticensorship paper, the Independent, and now I was launching my own satirical magazine. The 60s counterculture was in its embryonic stage, almost ready to burst out of the blandness, repression and piety of the Eisenhower-Nixon administration, Reverend Norman Vincent Peale's positive thinking and Snooky Lanson singing "It's a Marshmallow World" on Lucky Strike Hit Parade.
For the rest, Paul Krassner
Has Mole Removed
Enrique Iglesias
Enrique Iglesias had his trademark mole removed recently after a doctor told him it could lead to cancer, he told "Access Hollywood."
He wasn't looking to have it removed but didn't have an emotional attachment to it, especially after the doctor's news, he said.
Iglesias said he hates doctors and knives, so when it was time to remove it, he panicked at the sight of blood, and said he thought the doctor was going to poke his eye out.
Enrique Iglesias
Formerly 'The Vidiot'
Magician To Be Suspended Over River Thames
David Blaine
American magician David Blaine, dubbed "the modern day Houdini," is to be suspended in a glass box over the River Thames in London for more than six weeks without food.
The flamboyant, 30-year-old New Yorker, famed for spectacular stunts atop poles and frozen in ice, is to be hauled into solitary confinement on Sept. 5 in what he called "the most extreme exercise in isolation and physical deprivation ever attempted."
Against the backdrop of London's Tower Bridge, he will spend 44 days suspended by a crane in his clear plexiglass box "with no food, no communication and no distractions of any kind."
He will have one tube to give him water and another for urinating.
David Blaine
Arpita Das, 15, shows her hands covered with henna designs during the 'rakhi' festival in Calcutta on August 11, 2003. On this popular Hindu festival, sisters also tie sacred thread onto their brother's wrist for his well being in return for his vow to protect them.
Photo by Sucheta Das
Newly Added Words
Oxford Dictionary of English
Are you feeling like a "muppet" because you cannot remember the meaning of a word? Or are you a bit "Eeyorish" and confused at our rapidly changing language? Those are among 3,000 new words and expressions, many of them slang or foreign, that have entered English usage and are included in the new edition of the Oxford Dictionary of English, which is being released Thursday.
Unsurprisingly, many new entries come from the world of science and high-tech, particularly genetics and the Internet. Thus "blog" (short for Web log), and "egosurfing" (searching the Internet for references to oneself) are joined in the dictionary by more unusual phrases such as "shotgun cloning" (the insertion of random fragments of DNA).
The U.S. influence is evident in "bada bing," the name of Tony Soprano's strip-joint in the hit HBO show "The Sopranos." The phrase is defined as "an effortless act."
The term "24/7" has officially entered common usage in the United Kingdom, as have "nerd," "geek," and "bad-hair day."
On a lighter note, words from office life often crop up. "Prairie-dogging" is a term describing workers in cubicles who raise their heads above the partitions surrounding their desks to see what is going on.
Oxford Dictionary of English
www.askoxford.com
Fines Club Owners, Band
OSHA
Six months after a deadly nightclub fire, the club's owners and a rock band were fined nearly $100,000 on Wednesday by the federal agency that regulates workplace safety.
The agency fined Derco LLC, which operated The Station club, $85,200 for one "willful" violation and six serious ones.
OSHA said the willful violation was the installation of an exit door that swung the wrong way. The others involved the use of highly flammable foam in the club, inadequate safety planning and an exit door that was concealed by foam, the agency said.
Jack Russell Touring Inc., the corporate entity representing rock bank Great White, faces a $7,000 fine for failing to protect employees from fire hazards, OSHA said.
OSHA
'Free Willy' Whale
Keiko
Keiko the "Free Willy" whale still doesn't want to be free. It's been about a year since Keiko was freed from his pen — and swam straight back to human companionship. With the killer whale drawing 200 to 400 fans a day, the bay he calls home seems more like a low-budget "Keikoland" than an experiment in returning a captive orca to the wild.
To keep people from entering the water, Keiko's keepers posted a 24-hour guard and put up orange ropes with "no access" signs along the shore. Temporary nets span the bay to keep small boats out.
"The perfect thing for us would be to be left alone," says Thorbjorg Valdis Kristjansdottir, a marine biologist who goes by the name "Tobba" and is one of the Hollywood star's four keepers.
But that's not happening, despite the remote, rural location of Taknes Bay.
"There is always somebody trying to get down to the water," says Tobba, a tall, blond Icelander whose fair complexion is burned red from hours in the sun watching over Keiko. "People come at all hours."
For the rest, Keiko
Prime-Time Nielsen
Ratings
Prime-time viewership numbers compiled by Nielsen Media Research for Aug. 11 to 13 and Aug. 17. Because of last week's power blackout, the weekly and season-to-date averages did not include Thursday, Friday and Saturday's prime-time programming. Top 20 listings include the week's ranking, with viewership for the week and season-to-date rankings in parentheses.
1. (65) "Who Wants to Marry My Dad?" NBC, 11.1 million viewers.
2. (9) "Everybody Loves Raymond," CBS, 11.1 million viewers.
3. (19) "60 Minutes," CBS, 10.7 million viewers.
4. (28) "King Of Queens," CBS, 10 million viewers.
5. (13) "CSI: Miami," CBS, 10 million viewers.
6. (69) "Big Brother"-Wednesday, CBS, 9.9 million viewers.
7. (77) "For Love Or Money," NBC, 9.9 million viewers.
8. (86) "Big Brother," CBS, 9.7 million viewers.
9. (22) "Law & Order: Criminal Intent," NBC, 9.2 million viewers.
10. (46) "60 Minutes II," CBS, 9.2 million viewers.
11. (11) "Law & Order," NBC, 9 million viewers.
12. (56) "Law & Order: SVU"-Tuesday, NBC, 8.9 million viewers.
13. (75) "48 Hours Investigates"-Wednesday, CBS, 8.6 million viewers.
14. (86) "Without a Trace"-Sunday, CBS, 8.4 million viewers.
15. (43) "Fear Factor," NBC, 8.2 million viewers.
16. (100) "The Restaurant," NBC, 8.1 million viewers.
17. (105) "The O.C.," Fox, 7.9 million viewers.
18. (60) "According to Jim"-9 p.m., ABC, 7.5 million viewers.
19. (71) "George Lopez," ABC, 7.4 million viewers.
20. (60) "The Simpsons," Fox, 7.2 million viewers.
Ratings
In Memory
Connie Reeves
Legendary Texas cowgirl Connie Reeves, whose motto was "Always saddle your own horse" and who taught more than 30,000 girls to ride, has died at age 101 after being thrown from her favorite mount, officials at her ranch said on Wednesday.
Reeves died of cardiac arrest on Sunday at a San Antonio hospital about 10 days after being thrown from her favorite horse Dr Pepper, according to Waldemar Camp for Girls, a ranch about 70 miles northwest of San Antonio where Reeves taught riding.
"Texas lost one of its treasures today. A legendary woman with the strength and character as big as the state she lived in for almost 102 years," the camp said on its Web site.
Reeves taught riding for more than 70 years. Along with lessons on horsemanship, Reeves taught self-reliance -- hence her motto: "Always saddle your own horse."
Reeves was the oldest living member of the Cowgirl Hall of Fame, located in Fort Worth, Texas. At the age of 100, she saddled her own horse and rode in a parade when the National Cowgirl Museum and Hall of Fame opened its new building in Fort Worth.
Reeves was born in Eagle Pass, Texas, near the Mexican border, in September 1901 and she was on the back of a horse before she learned to walk. She had her first horse by the age of five and quickly mastered the English and western styles of riding.
She went to the University of Texas law school in the early 1920s for three years but her chance of being one of the first and youngest women lawyers in the United States was cut off by the Great Depression. Reeves became a high school teacher and a teacher of horse riding after leaving law school.
In 1936, Reeves started her work as a horse riding instructor at Waldemar Camp. She worked there for nearly 70 years, and. in 1942, she married the camp's head wrangler.
In a recent speech, Reeves said she would gladly leave the skyscrapers, pollution and financial markets to people living in big cities.
"Leave the wide open spaces and free fresh air to the West, where one can take an early morning gallop across dew-drenched fields, lie down to sleep beneath the star-twinkling sky, only to be awakened by the crowing of a lone rooster in the far distance," Reeves said.
Connie Reeves
In Memory
Margaret 'Margie' Raia
Former "Oz" Munchkin Margie Raia Dies
Margaret "Margie" Raia, who as a 10-year-old girl
played a Munchkin in the 1939 Hollywood classic "The Wizard of Oz,"
died Sunday at Tampa General Hospital after suffering a brain seizure,
her family said. She was 75.
Raia and her late brother, Matthew Raia, were among the 124 little people
cast as Munchkins for a magical 10-minute scene in the film. While she was
unrecognizable in the sea of Munchkin faces, her brother was featured
prominently as a Munchkinland city father who welcomed Dorothy, played by
Judy Garland.
One of four children of Italian immigrants, Margaret Raia grew up on Long
Island and moved to Port Richey about 15 years ago with her sister, Maria,
and brother-in-law, John J. Santiago.
Like her brother, she was a little person, growing to just 30 inches tall
and wearing a size 6 children's shoe.
Her favorite movie was "The Wizard of Oz," but mostly because watching it
allowed her to see her brother again, Santiago said. While Matthew Raia
loved to talk about being in the film, it wasn't such a big deal to his
sister, Santiago said.
A funeral mass is scheduled for 10:30 a.m. Friday at the St. James the
Apostle Catholic Church in Port Richey.
Margaret 'Margie' Raia
Thanks, EJ2E!
A Lipizzaner stallion performs during a rehearsal for a show in front of the historical Schoenbrunn Palace in Vienna August 20, 2003. The legendary Lipizzaner horses of the Spanish Riding School are one of Vienna's leading tourist attractions.
Photo by Herwig Prammer
'Ark of Darkness'
"The Ark of Darkness", a Political/Science-Fiction work, in tidy, weekly installments (and updated every Friday).
Steve and Lilith flee to the heart of the anomaly and attempt to alter the structure of hell.
'The Osbournes'
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 5
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 4
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
