'Best of TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
Jazz From Hills
Ann Coulter
(As The Cause of Masturbation)
By Phillip Vincent
Just like the classic Seinfeld episode where George is caught by his mother while masturbating to a Cosmopolitan magazine issue, I caught my nephew masturbating to the anncoulter.org blog I must have hit in the past due to its evil content.
The dilemma is, should I take the blame for him splooging on my keyboard (and the little fella hit part of my monitor, god bless him), or are the images of what I have told him is the female anti-christ responsible for this youngster's impulse and release of , what, anger against me or just plain old horniness for evil women?
I was very calm, told him to zip up and we would talk. He came out of my office looking a bit confused, bewildered, ashamed, and still excited exhibited by the semi-boner kids at that age are unable to control.
"Sit down , bonerhead" I said laughingly much to the chagrin of my sister-in-law. "What the hell were you chokin' the chicken over that skin-n-bones evil liar I told you would cause you eternal torment?", I inquired.
"You, Uncle Phil, said you'd like to fuck her even though she was a disgusting bitch who preached nothing but hate!", said Little Kirkles. "I said that after I had over a twelve-pack, there, Kirkles, and don't listen to what I say when I've been drinking. I know I've told you that on a semi-daily basis now for sixteen years!" I retorted. "And for that matter, I have some magazines that you've been into that have way better lookin' broads than that right-wing slut...What gives?"
" I thought it would be fun to fantasize about the devil, Uncle Phil, that's all, I swear to God..." said Kirk, whom I dismissed since I had a little soul searching of my own to do.
I had told Kirk that Ann was the devil. I had shown him her site where she was posed shooting rifles and drinking beer apres-ski draped in come-hither snow bunny outfits. I had given him my password. Who is to blame for this masturbatory event caught in real time by Uncle Phil? Me. It is me. I apologise to my Lord and Saviour for ever teaching my young nephew about the Anti-Christ Disguised As An Anorexic Long-Legged Blond with Horrific Facial Features. It was my fault and I will carry it to my grave.
~ Phillip Vincent
trimmedbush.blogspot.com
Friday In LA
Stand Up for Stern
Friday, March 19 from 6AM - 10AM, on the sidewalk in front of the Federal Building, West Los Angeles.
11000 Wilshire Blvd.
West Los Angeles, CA 90024
(Cross streets Wilshire and Veterans)
It is important that everyone who participates understands that they must obey all laws. You cannot impede traffic. You must stay on the sidewalk. Do not jaywalk. Cross the streets at the appropriate intersections with traffic signals. Park legally to avoid parking tickets.
Stand Up for Stern
Thanks, Mr. Z!
Reader Request
Radical Militiant Rockers
Howdy,
I wrote to you about two years ago whining about the lack of courage on the part of big time rock and rollers to come forward and write/record/perform LOUDLY songs of protest/fascism/oppression/imperialism. I saw a brief mention of a handful of songs about 10 months ago but can't remember where.
On democracynow.org's daily radio show, they play old/new songs in between segments for about a minute. Joan Baez gets a little play. Springsteen on tour did a few minutes on impeaching bush, the Dixie Chicks have since made their mark but....................
Where is everybody else?
Is there a way to ask your fans to help you compile a current list of performers and their songs of protest? Here in Albany, NY Ani De Franco (sp?) gets play for her anti- war songs/stance......Once in a while Joan Armatrading gets a mention.
But is anybody else as interested in I am in having inspiration? During the March 20th protest this week is a theme song going to emerge? Can we have nominations of
peoples' favorites? Or after March 20th, find out when the next protest is and start a favorite anti-war song write-in campaign?
Rage Against the Machine has some songs. But what I'm talking about is on a larger scale.
Where are the big voices of rebellion? Or have I had my head in the sand and missed where to find this stuff?
Has Dylan written anything new? Bob Seger used to be a great voice representing Detroit's laid off auto workers. Has Richie Havens written anything new? Are the old songs by everyone timeless? They're certainly not less valid but new songs enlighten new audiences and embrace old ones.
John Lennon's "Give Peace a Chance" was the lightening rod of the Viet Nam war. Is there a new song of freedom to be discovered?
All of us old hippies are the majority making up the crowds of protest. Students have yet to understand the draft is coming unless they wake up.
Or,
Has rock and roll died?
Sincerely,
Sara
Thanks, Sara - great suggestion.
I'll be glad to donate webspace for such a page, but don't have the time to track much down.
So, if anyone has any suggestions, just send 'em in & we'll take it from there!
from Mark
Another Bumpersticker
Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Sunny & breezy.
Talked to dear old Dad - he's pretty bummed over fresh snow. Reminded him I remember wearing snow boots on more than one Easter as a kid. And that it was the norm to wear a 'snowsuit' under our Halloween costumes.
Oil Dick Cheney was at the Raygun library with Mommy today. The old chickenhawk was snarking Kerry - how appropriate from a library that celebrates perception rather than reality.
Tonight, Thursday, CBS fills up the night with 'March Madness' - let the NCAA Basketball Tourneys begin!
On a RERUN Dave (from 1/19/04), are Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey, and Al Green.
On a RERUN Craiggers are Ted Danson, Mary Steenburgen, Krista Allen, and Simply Red.
NBC starts the night with another RERUN 'Friends', followed by a FRESH 'Will & Grace', then a FRESH
'Trump's Adventures In Avariciousness' (starts 1 minute before the top of the hour), followed by a RERUN 'ER' (starts 1 minute before the top of the hour).
Scheduled on a FRESH Jay are Kirsten Dunst, Oliver Martinez, Live, and Shelby Lynne.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan are Kate Winslet, Jamie-Lynn DiScala, and the Living End.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are George Carlin, Maria Bello, and Sarah McLachlan.
ABC opens the night with a RERUN 'Extreme Makeover: Home Edition', followed by a FRESH 'Extreme Makeover', then 'Primetime Thursday'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Alexis Clark and DMX, with this week's guest co-host Kathy Griffin.
The WB offers a FRESH 'Steve Harvey's Big Time', followed by a FRESH 'Like Family', then a FRESH
'Jamie Kennedy', followed by a RERUN 'Jamie Kennedy'.
Faux has a FRESH 'Tru Calling', followed by a FRESH 'American Idol'.
UPN fills the night with 'WWE Smackdown!'.
A&E has 'American Justice', a 2-hour 'Cold Case Files', followed by a FRESH 'With Malice'.
AMC offers the movie 'The Longest Day', followed by the movie 'The Rare Breed', then the movie 'Will Penny'.
BBC -
[6pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Holmes;
[7pm] 'House Invaders' - Carlton;
[7:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Southampton;
[8pm] 'House Invaders' - Episode 6;
[8:30pm] 'House Invaders' - Episode 5;
[9pm] 'Faking It' - Video Games Tester to Racing Driver;
[10pm] 'The Office' - Episode 5;
[10:40pm] 'Dead Ringers' - Episode 4;
[11pm] 'House Invaders' - Episode 6;
[11:30pm] 'House Invaders' - Episode 5;
[12am] 'Faking It' - Video Games Tester to Racing Driver;
[1am] 'The Office' - Episode 5;
[1:40am] 'Dead Ringers' - Episode 4;
[2am] 'House Invaders' - Carlton;
[2:30am] 'Changing Rooms' - Southampton;
[3am] 'Faking It' - Video Games Tester to Racing Driver;
[4am] 'The Office' - Episode 5;
[4:40am] 'Dead Ringers' - Episode 4;
[5am] 'House Invaders' - Episode 6;
[5:30am] 'House Invaders' - Episode 5; and
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'West Wing', 'Sexiest Moments In Film', another 'Sexiest Moments In Film', and still another 'Sexiest Moments In Film'.
Comedy Central has 'MAD TV', 'REno 911!', 'Insomniac', 'South Park', another 'South Park', and the return of the offensive 'Banzai'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jon Stewart is Ethan Hawke,
History has 'Oil', 'UFOs: Then', 'Horror Of Hussein', and 'Sons Of Saddam'.
IFC -
[6PM] 'I Went Down' (1997);
[8PM] 'In The Company Of Women' (2003);
[9:30PM] 'Sugartown' (1999);
[11PM] 'In The Company Of Women' (2003);
[12:30AM] 'Happy Accidents' (2000);
[2:30AM] 'In The Company Of Women' (2003);
[4AM] 'Sugartown' (1999);
[5:15AM] 'At The Angelika 82' (2003); and
[5:45AM] 'IFC In Theaters'. (ALL TIMES EST)
SciFi has the mvie 'Snakehead Terror', 'Mad Mad House', 'Scare Tactics', and 'Tripping The Rift'.
Sundance -
[5:25PM] 'Genesis 9 (World Cinema);
[7:15PM] 'The Dream Catcher (Feature);
[9PM] 'Swimming (Feature);
[10:35PM] 'american MOD (Short);
[11PM] '24 Hour Party People (Feature);
[1AM] 'Black Picket Fence (Documentary);
[2:35AM] 'Mystery Train (Feature);
[4:30AM] 'Whipped (Feature); and
[5:35AM] 'House Of Games (Feature). (ALL TIMES EST)
TCM features films from
1940 all day.
[6am] 'No Time For Comedy' (1940);
[7:45 am] 'My Love Came Back' (1940);
[9:15 am] 'Lucky Partners' (1940);
[11am] 'Married and in Love' (1940);
[12pm] 'We Who Are Young' (1940);
[1:30pm] 'Two Girls On Broadway' (1940);
[2:45pm] 'Reno' (1940);
[4pm] 'I Take This Woman' (1940);
[5:45pm] 'The Sea Hawk' (1940);
[8pm] 'National Velvet' (1944);
[10:15pm] 'The Story Of Seabiscuit' (1949);
[12am] 'The Black Stallion' (1979);
[2am] 'Slap Shot' (1977);
[4am] 'King Of Hockey' (1936);
[5am] 'Hollywood My Hometown' (1965). (ALL TIMES EST)
Talk show host Larry King (L) displays the Razzie Award won by actor Ben Affleck (R) for his film's 'Daredevil' and' Gigli' following Affleck's comment about winning the award but never receiving the actual award, during an interview with King on the CNN program 'Larry King Live' in Los Angeles at the CNN studios March 16, 2004. Affleck discussed a wide range of topics from baseball to his new comedy film 'Jersey Girl.'
Photo by Rose M. Prouser
The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
Honored by Queen
Ray Davies
Ray Davies, 59, leaned on a walking stick as he appeared at Buckingham Palace to accept an honor from Queen Elizabeth II.
London-born Davies, who founded The Kinks with his brother Dave in the early 1960s, was shot by a thief who snatched his girlfriend's bag as the pair walked in New Orleans on Jan. 4.
Considered London's laureate of song, Davies wrote a string of literate and sardonic hits including "You Really Got Me," "Waterloo Sunset," "Dedicated Follower of Fashion" and "Lola."
He wore a dark suit and tortoiseshell sunglasses as he was awarded the title Commander of the Order of the British Empire by the queen.
Ray Davies
Brings Songs to Bangladesh
Mary Wilson
Mary Wilson visited a charity school near Bangladesh's capital Wednesday, singing popular Supremes hits such as "You Can't Hurry Love" and "Baby Love."
The 60-year-old singer is visiting Bangladesh as a cultural ambassador, part of a State Department initiative to promote American culture.
Most of the children at the school — run by local volunteer agency Center for Mass Education in Science with funding from UNICEF — must work to help their impoverished families. Lessons are held early in the morning before the children go to work.
Mary Wilson
Talk show host Ellen DeGeneres presents Angelina Jolie with a customized baby stroller for her to use while running in the Olympic torch relay in Athens during a taping of 'The Ellen DeGeneres Show' at NBC Studios in Burbank, Calif., Tuesday March 16, 2004. This episode will air on Wednesday, March 17, 2004.
Photo by Chris Polk
Signs Off As Lazlo Toth
Don Novello
Comedian Don Novello is burying his alter-ego Lazlo Toth, but has written a final book of tongue-in-cheek letters under his name.
"From Bush to Bush: The Lazlo Toth Letters," also has a letter by Toth offering McDonald's suggestions on how to reduce calories long before it decided to stop Super-Sizing its meals.
"Letters," was published in October 2003. The first collection of Toth letters "The Lazlo Letters: The Amazing, Real-Life, Actual Correspondence of Lazlo Toth, American," was published in 1977.
Don Novello
Scaring Republicans Since 1971
John Kerry
In 1971, then president Richard Nixon was concerned about a young Vietnam veteran and peace activist named John Kerry, today the Democratic presidential candidate, according to tapes.
"We'll keep hitting him, Mr. President," White House special counsel Charles Colson says to the late president on the tape aired by the NBC television network.
In another recording, White House Chief of Staff Bob Haldeman, like Colson a key figure in the Watergate scandal that forced Nixon to resign, says of the 27-year-old activist, "I think you'll find Kerry running for political office."
For more, John Kerry
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
Re-Making 'War of the Worlds'
Steven Spielberg & Tom Cruise
Movie mogul Steven Spielberg is to make a film version of Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds," the sci-fi drama that seamed panic across America in the 1930s, the industry press said.
Hollywood icon Tom Cruise will produce and star in the film based on H.G. Wells' classic book that will be directed by Spielberg, the creator of such mega-hits as "E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial", "Jaws," and "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
Steven Spielberg & Tom Cruise
Singer Courtney Love flashes David Letterman while standing on his desk during the taping of 'The Late Show with David Letterman,' Wednesday, March 17, 2004, in New York.
Photo by J.P. Filo
Says Jackson Was Not Inappropriate
Lisa Marie Presley
Lisa Marie Presley clarified her remarks in an Australian TV interview, saying in a statement Wednesday that she never saw her ex-husband, Michael Jackson, engage in inappropriate behavior with kids.
"I was in no way referring to seeing something inappropriate with children, as I have stated publicly before. I never have," Presley said in a statement released by her Los Angeles publicist, Paul Bloch.
Lisa Marie Presley
Thanks Oklahoma for Success
Reba McEntire
Reba McEntire gives a lot of the credit for her success to where she grew up — Oklahoma.
Growing up an 'Okie' isn't easy, the country singer and TV star told AP Radio in Los Angeles, but she said it prepares kids to be hardworking adults.
"There's (sic) a lot of talented people that came out of Oklahoma," McEntire said.
Reba McEntire
Picks Trio for Literary Event
Laura 'Pickles' Bush
First lady Laura 'Pickles' Bush has chosen a trio of notable American writers as the focus of her next White House literary symposium, to be held Monday.
The freewheeling event in the White House's East Room will go beyond dry dissection of narrative and symbolism. Mrs. Bush has planned for musical performances and dramatic readings to celebrate the works of Truman Capote, Flannery O'Connor and Eudora Welty — well-known Southern authors.
Mrs. Bush canceled a symposium planned for February 2003 on "Poetry and the American Voice," which would have featured the works of Emily Dickinson, Langston Hughes and Walt Whitman, because some poets said they wanted to use the forum to protest military action in Iraq. The event has never been rescheduled.
Laura 'Pickles' Bush
Formerly 'The Vidiot'
Murder Trial
Bertrand Cantat
The mother of slain French movie star Marie Trintignant clashed in court with a forensic scientist in the trial of rock singer Bertrand Cantat, charged with her daughter's murder.
Nadine Trintignant, wife of veteran movie star Jean-Louis Trintignant, questioned Cantat's failure to call a hospital immediately after the incident: "After such violence could he (the defendant) not imagine she was in a coma?" she asked.
The dead actress's husband Samuel Benchetrit, whom she had left for Cantat, told the court he had spoken to Cantat from Paris by phone immediately after the beating incident:
"I asked him if she was alright," he said: "He said 'Yes, she's breathing.' He was weeping more for his own sake than for Marie's."
Bertrand Cantat
Irish Queers, a group of Irish gays and lesbians, protest the continued exclusion of gays and lesbians from the annual St. Patrick's Day Parade during a peaceful demonstration on Fifth Avenue in New York, March 17, 2004. The group staged Irish dramatic readings, the singing of Irish songs, and visuals by Irish artists. A protester holds up a sign expressing his views.
Photo by Henny Ray Abrams
Burial Shroud To Be Auctioned
Evita
A flimsy burial shroud used to wrap the body of Argentina's political icon Eva Peron is expected to fetch more than 40,000 euros (50,000 dollars) when it goes on sale in Rome, Christie's auction house said.
The macabre garment will be among a collection of memorabilia from her husband, late Argentine president Juan Peron, to be auctioned in the Italian capital, the proceeds of which will go to a Latin American charity.
Other Evita memorabilia in the sale comprise a gold-framed dressing table mirror, a leather travel folding photo-frame, a hand-mirror, a music box in working order, and several unmatched and tarnished spoons. Christie's have posted a reserve price of 8,000 euros for the lot.
For more, Evita
It's Entertainment
'Dr. Phil'
When Neal David Sutz walked through the Paramount studio gate, he was looking forward to seeing a psychologist he respected, talk show host Phil McGraw.
Instead, the Mesa, Ariz., paralegal student was stopped short by paperwork. He and other would-be audience members were asked to sign a waiver attesting they didn't suffer from mental illness and weren't under psychiatric care.
The waiver also said that McGraw's statements shouldn't be considered therapy or a substitute for any form of therapy. Talking to a show representative, Sutz was told he could attend but couldn't talk to Dr. Phil or participate in the show — for Sutz's own protection.
The disclaimer signals "that his advice is not real medical, psychological advice at all," said Sutz. "It is pure entertainment and he should stop insinuating that it is anything but that, especially not real counseling."
For a lot more, 'Dr. Phil'
Florida Child Porn Charges Dropped
R. Kelly
R. Kelly escaped child pornography charges in Florida when prosecutors announced Wednesday they were dropping all 12 counts against the top-selling R&B singer.
The decision followed a judge's ruling last week that detectives illegally seized photographs allegedly showing the singer having sex with an underage girl, meaning they could not be used against him.
R. Kelly
'Lost' Papers To Be Auctioned
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
More than 40 years ago, private papers and personal artifacts that belonged to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, were reportedly spirited away during a family dispute over the author's estate.
In the intervening years, many scholars began to doubt the existence of the manuscripts and sketches by the physician who created one of fiction's best-loved characters. Others feared they had been destroyed.
Christie's auction house provided an ending to the story on Wednesday, saying the "lost" collection had been held for decades at a London law office.
A highlight of the collection is the author's drawing for the first appearance of Sherlock Holmes in the novel "A Study in Scarlet," with the original title of the book, "A Tangled Skein," crossed through.
For a lot more, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Papua New Guinea
A Dinosaur?
Authorities in Papua New Guinea ordered police to search part of a remote island after locals told of seeing a giant dinosaur-like creature roaming the area, local media reported on Friday.
Villagers on the island of New Britain this week reported seeing a three metre tall, grey-coloured beast with a head like a dog and a tail like a crocodile, The National newspaper reported.
On Thursday, six policemen armed with M-16 assault rifles and villagers carrying bush knives searched the marsh near Tinganavudu village but found no trace of the creature, The National said.
A Dinosaur?
Tennessee, Building A Bridge To The Middle Ages
Rhea County
The county that was the site of the Scopes "Monkey Trial" over the teaching of evolution is asking lawmakers to amend state law so the county can charge homosexuals with crimes against nature.
The Rhea County commissioners approved the request 8-0 Tuesday.
Commissioner J.C. Fugate, who introduced the measure, also asked the county attorney to find a way to enact an ordinance banning homosexuals from living in the county.
"We need to keep them out of here," Fugate said.
Rhea County
Available Online
Famous British Wills
When William Shakespeare bequeathed his "second-best bed" to his wife nearly 400 years ago, a scribe dipped his quill pen in ink and scratched the bard's last wishes on parchment.
The document is among more than 1 million wills, spanning five centuries, that Britain's National Archives posted on the Internet this week for public access.
About 100 wills dated from 1384 to 1858 have been collated in a special section befitting their famous authors, including Jane Austen, Captain James Cook and Napoleon Bonaparte.
For more, Famous British Wills
National Archives wills online
In Memory
Mercedes McCambridge
Mercedes McCambridge, who won an Oscar for the 1949 film
"All the King's Men" and later provided the raspy voice of the demon-possessed girl in "The Exorcist," has died. She was 85.
McCambridge died from natural causes on March 2, the Rev. Joe Carroll, a friend and the founder of a San Diego charity for the homeless, said Tuesday. She had lived in the La Jolla area of San Diego since the 1980s.
McCambridge's strong, radio-trained voice made her an ideal film portrayer of hard-driving women. She received the Academy Award as supporting actress for her screen debut in "All the King's Men," playing a reporter who was the nemesis of the populist Southern governor, Willie Stark.
During her film career, McCambridge acquired a reputation as a strong-willed, outspoken woman on and off the screen. When she was hired to play the enemy of Joan Crawford in a 1954 Western, "Johnny Guitar," the pair feuded on the set. In her memoir, McCambridge called Crawford "a mean, tipsy, powerful, rotten-egg lady."
Because of her great vocal skills, McCambridge was hired to portray The Demon in William Friedkin's 1973 smash hit "The Exorcist." After weeks of what she called the hardest work she had done for a film, she had been promised prominent mention in the credits.
But when she attended the preview, her name was missing. As she left the theater in tears, Friedkin tried to explain that there had been no time to insert her credit. The Screen Actors Guild intervened and forced her inclusion in the credits.
McCambridge battled through much of her life, surviving a long siege of alcoholism, two failed marriages and series of tragedies involving her only child, John Lawrence Fifield. The son, who later took the last name of his mother's second husband, Markle, killed his wife and children and himself in 1987.
Charlotte Mercedes Agnes McCambridge was born to Irish parents on March 17, 1918, on the family farm at Joliet, Ill.
Mercedes McCambridge
In Memory
Mocha
Mocha, a sweet, coffee colored 17-year-old Siamese cat, who was abandoned by his family, and adopted ours, passed away early this morning.
He will be missed.
A male Sumatran tiger, resident of Indonesia's tiger breeding centre at Safari Park in Cisarua, roars in his enclosure in this file photo. The WWF warned on March 16, 2004 that the Sumatran tiger is bound for extinction if the government of Indonesia does not crack down on illegal trading in the endangered species.
Photo by Supri
'The Osbournes'
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