'TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
To Helping Distraught Rush Limbaugh Fans
The Solitaire Rose Guide
With the news from today, a lot of your Rush Limbaugh fan friends are going
to be very upset and depressed. What news, you ask, because I couldn't care
less about the radio entertainer and Republican party shill? Well, first,
he was "allowed to resign" from a job at ESPN doing commentary on football,
where he predictably made a racist remark, shocking people who have never
heard his show. Now, here at Solitaire Rose Productions don't think he
should have been allowed to resign just yet, but instead sent to meet with
some of the larger African American football players after they heard not
just his remarks from Sunday, but tapes of him telling African American
callers to "take the bones out of their nose and call back when they learn
to speak English," ridiculing black politicians and mocked Black History
Month. Then, after they use him as a tackle dummy for a few hours, THEN he
can resign. If the players are done with him.
If this wasn't enough, a news report was released by a tabloid that reported
that he is being investigated for allegedly buying thousands of addictive
painkillers from a black-market drug ring. The hero of Morality with
"Talent on loan from God", but obviously a prescription book on loan from
Dr. Feelgood, was turned in by his former housekeeper - who says she was
Limbaugh's pill supplier for four years. She says Limbaugh was hooked on
the potent prescription drugs OxyContin, Lorcet and hydrocodone - and went
through detox twice and paid her $200,000 to destroy her computer which held
his e-mails asking for pills. He is also under investigation by The Palm
Beach County state attorney's office for drug trafficking in relation to
these accusations, and it has been leaked that the housekeeper wore a wire
during her last two "pickups" for him.
The Good news is that Rush could be looking at some very serious jail time,
and he would get to test out the Mandatory Minimums he supports and
campaigns for.
The Bad news is that...
OK, there IS no bad news other than he may be able to get a plea bargain or
he might go free like OJ.
But, we here at Solitaire Rose Productions know and understand that many of
you MAY have friends who listen to Limbaugh. Who believe him. Who take his
advice and listen to no other news source. Who do what he tells them to.
Who actually think this lying dirtball is good for more than proving that
you can pile monkey crap than 6 feet high without it falling over.
So, to help you deal with your friends, we are going to walk you through the
5 stages of grief that they will be going through and what you should do, as
well as what you will want to do.
Stage 1: Denial
The Limbaugh people will tell you that it's all lies and it couldn't
possibly be true. They will say that the liberal media is out to get him
and this is just all part of their "vast Left Wing Conspiracy." Which, if
the story surfaced in "The Nation", "Mother Jones" or some other left wing
publication would be a good defense. Except the story was broken by the
National Enquirer. Yes, it's a tabloid...owned by Rupert Murdoch, who also
owns Fox News. Now, if Fox is part of a Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, this
would be the most cunning conspiracy since we were convinced that Madonna
had talent.
What you will WANT to do is dance about around them, laughing at their pain
and explaining that this is the very best day of your life, and you feel
like it is Christmas, your birthday and the day you first got oral sex, all
rolled up into one.
What you should do to help them get through this stage is to let them get it
all out and reflect the reality of the situation. Let them vent and rant
until a commercial break, and then put on FOX News and have them read the
ticker at the bottom that repeats the allegation. However, if they are most
Limbaugh listeners, they can't read, so let them listen to the news reports
and tell them that it's been reported and the court will decide.
Stage 2: Anger
At this point they will start cursing Bill Clinton and blaming it all on
him. This a normal Ditto-monkey reaction to anger, as nothing that happens
to a conservative is that conservative's fault and is the fault of Bill
Clinton or maybe Martin Luther King Jr.
What you will WANT to do is read out loud everything Rush has written about
personal responsibility, taking the blame for your actions and how liberals
always want to blame other people or society instead of themselves. Then
gloat in the joy of seeing people run screaming from their stated beliefs
when those beliefs actually may be used against them.
What you should do to help them get through this stage is to remind them
that Bill Clinton was too busy subverting Democracy, plotting a return to
the White House and playing canasta with Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and
Jane Fonda to plant the drugs on Limbaugh. Yeah, it's fantasy bullcrap, but
they will believe it and move on to the next stage.
Stage 3: Bargaining
At this point they will start to say that Maybe if they pray hard enough,
God will make the bad news go away. Or that Rush will pull together OJ
Simpson's legal team. Or that King Bush II will offer him a pardon. Or
that maybe it's all a dream and the magic dream fairy will wake them up and
make it never was.
What you will WANT to do is after each bargain they offer, laugh and say,
"Nope! Next!"
What you should do to help them get through this stage is to help them
figure out that the fact that Rush Limbaugh being a drug addict is God
showing them that not only are they wrong, but he's coming after them next
if they don't change their ways. The remind them that because the courts
move so slowly that Bush will lose the next election and be too busy trying
to get the courts to appoint him President again before Rush gets to his own
trial.
Stage 4, Depression
It is at this stage that they will sit, stare at their radio and say, every
so often, "Why? Why why why why?" and sob uncontrollably. They may
threaten to self-injure, take the same drugs as Rush or descend into a world
of delusion and madness. OK, a DIFFERENT world of delusion and madness than
the one they live in where they think Rush Limbaugh is a credible news
source. They will complain to you that without Rush they no longer know
what to think, who to vote for, what father figure to follow or whether they
should blame black people or Hispanics for their problems.
What you want to do is offer them a bottle of pills and a nice bottle of
scotch. However, this is a waste of perfectly good scotch. You also will
want to ask them to sit in a window so that you can charge people to walk by
and laugh at their misfortune. Sadly, this is probably the only open job in
America with Bush in charge of the country.
What you should do to help them get through this stage is to tell them to
find other Ditto-monkeys to meet with to form an AA-type group where they
can discuss their feelings, weep openly, hug enough other and become
addicted to coffee and cigarettes, like the people at REAL AA meetings.
Stage 5 Acceptance
It is here, probably when Rush is told he can't do his radio show from his
prison cell, due to the screams of pain from him becoming "Tiny's" bitch
interrupting his attacks on Hillary Clinton, that they will accept the
inevitability that he is gone and isn't coming back. At this stage, they
will resume normal productive lives, or they will just say, "I have no one
to validate my racist, homophobic, xenophobic and reactionary views. Maybe
I will have to start seeing people different than me as actual human beings.
Maybe I will start to think for myself and see that there are many different
points of view, all of which have kernels of truth and should be questioned
with an informed, enlightened opinion. Maybe the people who don't believe
as I do have some merit to their beliefs and aren't agents of a vast
conspiracy to keep me unhappy. Maybe, just maybe, my unhappiness comes from
my own inability to better myself instead of blaming other people who are
trying to make the world a more just, fair and evolved place to live."
No. They'll prolly just tell you to sod off and listen to Michael Savage.
Cory!! Strode
"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our
Number one priority and we will not rest until we find him!"
- G. W. Bush: September 13, 2001 -
"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and I really don't care.
It's not that important. It's not our priority."
- G. W. Bush: March 13, 2002 -
from Mark
Dr. Paul's Words Of Wisdom
GLASPIE: I think I understand this. I have lived here for years. I admire your extraordinary efforts to rebuild your country. I know you need funds. We understand that and our opinion is that you should have the opportunity to rebuild your country. But we have no opinion on the Arab-Arab conflicts, like your border disagreement with Kuwait.It's hard to dismiss this as a momentary slip, as three days later Wolfowitz cited this same Glaspie-Hussein conversation during testimony to the Senate Armed Services Committee. What's going on inside the mind of Wolfowitz? Why does he flirt with the moral turpitude of the two Bush administrations? Does he think the American public is too stupid to notice? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Selected Saturday Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Not a lot of sun broke through, but still a pleasant day.
Did the shopping and stopped for fresh crickets. Shelob ate for the first time since molting. The kid had been concerned and was greatly relieved when she pounced.
The surviving crickets are in the big terrarium with Jo, the lucky lizard, and chirping nicely.
Channel 2 (KCBS) had an interesting sound bite from Maria Shriver - "He apologized and that's courageous."
Tonight, Saturday, CBS begins the evening with '48 Hours', followed by a FRESH 'Hack', then a
FRESH 'The District'.
NBC starts the night with the movie 'Ace Ventura: Pet Detective', followed by a FRESH 'Law & Order'.
'SNL' is finally FRESH - Jack Black hosts, music by John Mayer.
ABC opens the night with the movie 'Lilo & Stitch', followed by the Season Premiere of 'Dragnet'.
The WB offers the movie 'The Hand That Rocks The Cradle'.
Faux has the usual 'Cops', 'Cops', and 'America's Most Wanted'.
'Mad TV' is FRESH with Tony Hawk guesting.
UPN has the movie 'The Sunchaser'.
A&E has 'American Justice', 'Case Files', then the movie 'Reservoir Dogs'.
AMC offers the movie 'The Eiger Sanction', followed by the movie 'City Slickers', then the movie 'The Searchers'.
BBC -
[6pm] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 7;
[6:40pm] 'My Hero' - Episode 6;
[7:20pm] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 8;
[8pm] 'Rebus' - Dead Souls;
[10pm] 'Tipping the Velvet' - Part 1;
[11pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Susan Sarandon and Goldie Hawn;
[11:30pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Kim Catrall;
[12am] 'Rebus' - Dead Souls;
[2am] 'Tipping the Velvet' - Episode 1;
[3am] 'So Graham Norton' - Kim Catrall;
[3:30am] 'So Graham Norton' - Linda Hamilton;
[4am] 'Rebus' - Dead Souls; and
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EDT)
Bravo has 'Queer Eye', followed by the movie 'Risky Business', then the movie 'Risky Business', again.
History has 'Battlefield Detectives', 'Come Home Alive', and 'Dead Reckoning'.
SciFi has the movie 'Army Of Darkness', followed by the movie 'Beyond Re-Animator', then the movie 'Re-Animator'.
TCM -
[6am] 'They Met In Bombay' (1941);
[8am] 'Touch Of Evil' (1958);
[10am] 'Colorado Territory' (1949);
[12pm] 'The Pride Of The Yankees' (1942);
[2:15pm] 'Cool Hand Luke' (1967);
[4:30pm] 'It! The Terror From Beyond Space' (1958);
[6pm] 'The Thin Man' (1934);
[8pm] 'Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb' (1963);
[10pm] 'Kiss Me Deadly' (1955);
[12am] 'Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb' (1963);
[2am] 'WarGames' (1983); and
[4am] 'The Satan Bug' (1965). (ALL TIMES EDT)
A protestor dressed as a chicken demonstrates outside the Riley Elementary School where Republican gubernatorial candidate Arnold Schwarzenegger was speaking to students.
Photo by Justin Sullivan
The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
Celebrities Urge
'No' Vote on Recall
Dozens of Hollywood big-shots took out a full-page ad Friday in the trade newspaper Variety urging Californians to vote "No" on the effort to recall Gov. Gray Davis..
"Join us," the ad reads in bold letters. "Vote no on the recall." The list of 46 names that follows includes actors, producers, writers and studio chiefs.
The high-profile names in the ad include Amy Pascal, chairman of Sony's Columbia Pictures, which distributed the Schwarzenegger films "The 6th Day" and "Last Action Hero"; and Ron Meyer, president and chief operating officer of Vivendi Universal Entertainment, which distributed Schwarzenegger's "End of Days" and "Junior."
Among the actors listed are Richard Dreyfuss, Danny Glover, Barbra Streisand, Larry David, Cybill Shepherd, James Cromwell, Stacy Keach, Rob Reiner and Pierce Brosnan, who appeared with Davis at a bill-signing ceremony on Thursday.
'No' Vote on Recall
Gets Star on Hollywood Walk of Fame
Carmen Zapata
Veteran actress Carmen Zapata received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Thursday.
"I am truly touched by this great honor," Zapata, 76, said with emotion as she accepted the 2,239th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Zapata started her career in 1945 in the Broadway musical "Oklahoma" and went on to perform in "Bells Are Ringing," "Guys and Dolls" and many plays.
Her movie credits include "Sister Act" and "Carola." She has appeared in dozens of television series, including nine seasons on the PBS bilingual children's show "Villa Alegre."
In 1973, Zapata helped found the Bilingual Foundation of the Arts, which produces plays by Hispanic writers. She also translates works of Hispanic authors and introduces them to students in the Los Angeles Unified School District.
Carmen Zapata
A black bear who had twice broken into David Letterman's house near Choteau, Mont., lies in a culvert trap Wednesday, Oct. 1, 2003, after being captured. The 300-pound male bear was trapped on Letterman's front porch Sunday, its third visit, said Mike Madel, a grizzly management specialist with the Montana Department of Fish, Wildlife and Parks. Wildlife biologists released the bear in the Flathead National Forest just south of Glacier National Park. That's about 50 miles from Letterman's ranch, acrosssome of the most rugged country in Montana, Madel said. Biologists hope it will den up before it can make it back.
Photo by Mike Madel
Family Project
Kiefer Sutherland
Kiefer Sutherland, who plays a real-time hero on the Fox drama "24," is being courted to play his real-life grandfather in an upcoming miniseries for the Canadian Broadcasting Corp., the public broadcaster said Thursday.
Sutherland's mother, actress Shirley Douglas, is serving as a creative consultant on the CBC biopic about her father, former Saskatchewan premier T.C. "Tommy" Douglas, who led the fight to bring universal health care coverage to Canadians in the early 1960s.
Kiefer Sutherland
Named World's Best
Radiohead
Radiohead was voted the world's best band at the annual Q music awards, chosen by readers of Britain's Q magazine, winning the prize for the third consecutive year.
But the band, whose recent album, "Hail to the Thief," has been praised by critics in Britain and the United States, didn't attend Thursday's ceremony, sending a video message instead.
The film was soundless, but in type at the bottom of the screen it poured scorn on the magazine for branding them "miserable." The short video ended with the line: "Radiohead aren't talking to Q."
Radiohead
www.radiohead.com
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
Returning to Oberlin
Dave Brubeck
Dave Brubeck returns to campus Saturday to mark the 50th anniversary of the landmark "Jazz at Oberlin" album.
Brubeck's March 2, 1953, performance, one of the first live jazz recordings, was credited with taking jazz from nightclubs to college students, a loyal audience that would grow with the artists.
"It's so hard to believe it's 50 years," Brubeck, 82, told The Associated Press in a phone interview. "It doesn't seem that long."
For a lot more, Dave Brubeck
Brubeck
Oberlin
A 300-year-old copy of the Book of Psalms, handwritten in the ancient Ethiopian language of Ge'ez, being displayed on Friday, Oct. 3, 2003. The book was among hundreds of treasures looted by British troops from Ethiopia in 1867 and was recently returned to the Horn of Africa country. Now, Ethiopia is demanding Britain give back the remaining treasures, which are still being held in British museums.
Photo by Anthony Mitchell
Probing Lighter Side of Death
Julia Sweeney
"Saturday Night Live" alumna Julia Sweeney will write a comedy-drama for ABC about a terminally ill mother who has to deal with her imminent death, her parents and her children.
"Tonally, it would be similar to 'Terms of Endearment,"' said Vivian Cannon who is overseeing the project for Pariah Prods. "It is going to be a warm funny family drama."
Julia Sweeney
To Be Auctioned in Madrid
Two Picasso Paintings
A Spanish auction house will put two early paintings by Pablo Picasso up for sale on Tuesday in Madrid, a rare event for works from the Spanish master.
Sala Retiro, the auction house of Spanish savings bank Caja Madrid, said it will auction "Retrato de joven," a portrait of a young woman painted in Barcelona around 1900, and "Bodegon," a still life done in Paris in 1914.
The minimum bids are 90,000 euros ($105,400) and 130,000 euros respectively. Both are owned by private collectors.
Two Picasso Paintings
Formerly 'The Vidiot'
Removed From N.J. Wanted List
Lil' Kim
Lil' Kim is no longer a fugitive in New Jersey. Her real name, Kimberly Jones, was removed from Teaneck's wanted list Tuesday after someone posted $350 bail on her behalf, The Record of Bergen County reported in Friday's editions.
The 28-year-old rapper apparently failed to appear on a marijuana possession charge four years ago and the court had issued a warrant for her arrest. The warrant became known several days ago when the Web site The Smoking Gun reported on it.
Lawyer Mel Sachs said his client believed the case had been resolved and that she didn't need to be present in court.
Lil' Kim
A pedestrian with a European Union umbrella walks past a billboard advertising Eurostar's rail service showing British Queen Elizabeth's holding her dress in a Marilyn Monroe pose, in central Brussels, October 3, 2003. The picture, advertising a faster schedule for trains running from Brussels to London, can be seen all over the city.
Photo by Francois Lenoir
Enters World of Reality TV
Ted Nugent
They were shot with paintballs, slept in a barn, constructed their own outhouse and skinned a Russian boar. Is all of this worth $25,000 and a truck?
Evidently so for the seven people who signed up for "Surviving Nugent," a two-hour reality program that airs Sunday night on VH1.
Ted Nugent, the outspoken rocker and outdoors enthusiast, challenges the contestants — or "the monkeys" as he calls them — to live off the land in his rural compound near Jackson, about 70 miles west of Detroit.
Ted Nugent
Arrested, Hospitalized
Courtney Love
Singer-actress Courtney Love was arrested for allegedly being under the influence of a narcotic after police responded to a burglary call, and was taken to a treatment center, according to published reports.
Love, 39, was found early Thursday outside a Los Angeles home where she had allegedly broken the windows in an attempt to enter, police spokesman Don Cox said. She was arrested and booked for investigation of using illegal drugs, posted $2,500 bail and was released.
Hours later, police and paramedics in Beverly Hills responded to an emergency call and took a woman to a hospital for treatment, according to a story in Friday's editions of the Los Angeles Times.
Law enforcement sources told the newspaper that the woman was Love and that she had overdosed. It was not immediately known what her condition was.
Courtney Love
New Resort
Freedom Paradise
Freedom Paradise, a 112-room resort south of Cancun, Mexico, is the world's first resort designed for the obese. The facilities include wide steps with railings to get into and out of swimming pools, instead of thin ladders. The bathrooms have walk-in showers -- with no tubs -- and many showers have benches to enable people to shower while sitting down.
"Plus-size people want to have fun. They want to go out to restaurants, to the movies, to the beach," said Jurriaan Klink, operations manager at the resort.
Klink and his partner, Julio Rinco, bought two hotels on a secluded beach in Mexico and spent $2 million renovating them to accommodate the obese. They opened the resort in July and expect to break even as early as February.
Freedom Paradise
Freedom Paradise | Live Large, Live Free
August, 2001
Siegfried & Roy - With Friends
Novak Allowed Himself to Be Used
Carl Bernstein
When it comes to utilizing unnamed sources and digging up government secrets, legendary Watergate investigative reporter Carl Bernstein practically wrote the book on it. Actually, he and Bob Woodward of The Washington Post wrote two books about their coverage of the Watergate affair, which eventually led to the downfall of the Nixon administration and garnered the pair a Pulitzer Prize.
So what does Bernstein think of the recent disclosure of a CIA operative's identity by columnist Robert Novak? Bernstein was quick to criticize both Novak and the Bush administration staffers who leaked the information -- while also warning other journalists to make sure anonymous sources are used carefully.
"In this instance, it seems to me that Novak allowed himself to be used in a really unfair way for ideological purposes," Bernstein told E&P Online during a phone interview Thursday from his New York home. "I think Bob is an ideologue and willingly let himself be used."
For the rest, Carl Bernstein
Romania Orders Breakup
Roma Teen Couple
Authorities ordered a 12-year-old Gypsy girl and her 15-year-old common-law husband separated Thursday and all intimate relations between them halted until they are old enough to be legally married.
The order came from social welfare services in the city of Sibiu, where the two were declared married Saturday in a ceremony that sparked a national debate about forced marriages between Gypsy adolescents. It came after the government said it may put the girl, Ana Maria Cioaba, in an orphanage.
The welfare agency also ordered Ana Maria and Birita Mihai to attend school. Had they remained "married" under Gypsy custom, Ana Maria would have to stay at home and do what her mother-in-law told her.
The legal age for marriage in Romania is 18, but the country generally tolerates arranged child weddings among Roma, as Gypsies are also known. Romanian law allows 16-year-olds to get married if they have parental consent.
Roma Teen Couple
Opens in DC
Surrealist Exhibit
A show of painters who were pushing the artistic envelope in the troubled Europe of the mid-1900s opens Saturday at the Phillips Collection, Washington's first museum of modern art. Some of them came to America and helped to shift the world's art capital from Paris to New York.
"Surrealism and Modernism" — 59 works by Salvador Dali, Pablo Picasso and others — was put together by the Wadsworth Atheneum Museum of Art in Hartford, Conn., another pioneer of adventurism in painting. It was not shown there but will go to museums in Newport Beach, Calif.; Fort Worth, Texas; and Sarasota, Fla., after it has closed in Washington Jan. 18, 2004.
For more, Surrealist Exhibit
The Phillips Collection
Funani, an African river hippo, gives her female calf Jazi a little nudge on the behind, as they swim inside the 150,000-gallon pool exhibit, October 3, 2003 at the San Diego Zoo in California. The 260-pound Jazi is three months old and is the third female calf to be born to Funani in the last four years. Baby hippos, which weigh between 80 and 100 pounds at birth, are born swimming and do virtually everything underwater.
Photo by Ken Bohn
'The Osbournes'
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