'TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
Reader Comment
Condi
I was mulling over all the lies Condi has told to try to cover up for
the unelected moron. Nobody could ever have thought they would fly
planes into buildings. We had no warnings. Etc., etc. Culminating in
Condi refusing to testify under oath to the 9-11 commission - is she afraid
of burning in Hell if she lies under oath or is it merely that testifying
under oath means that the laws of perjury apply and she might rot in
prison if her lies to the commission were ever exposed?
As these thoughts drifted through my head, it suddenly came to me that
her name really ought to be "Condi Lies 'R' Us." It sounds almost the same
as "Condoleezza Rice" but it describes her so much better. If we are lucky,
this is a meme that will take off. Especially if Al Franken starts using it
on his new "O'Franken Factor" show.
Then again, I'm probably wrong about that. Few people have adopted my
suggestion of "George Wanker Bush" although it suits him perfectly.
Brian dF
Thanks, Brian!
Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
from Mark
Another Bumpersticker
Mr. Hawk Recommends...BBC Tonight
Return of 'The Blackadder'
Just in time BBC America shows that good comedy is always topical.
Friday night at 8:40 brings the return of Blackadder. This begins season 2
of the show and IMHO the best of the series. Lord Blackadder is the top
noble of Queen Elizabeth I. His goals are to either marry the queen and
take control of the country or to be rich enough that he can get away from
the queen. His companions are the same as the first series but he has a new
foil in Lord Melchate (Stephen Fry).
This weeks episode could be torn straight from Laura Bush's nightmares.
Lord Blackadder has servant trouble. Yes its the same old story, Man hires
manservant, man falls in love with manservant. Yes Blackadder has fallen
head over heels for "Bob". This puts him into a real quandry untill he
finds out "Bob" is a woman. Then of course the marriage can procede.Or will
Blackadder be jilted and have to marry the bridesmaid (Baldric).
While I've got your attention I'd also like to put in a plug for another
Britcom which has just released its 4th season on DVD. The show "Red Dwarf"
is a bit more sci-fi oriented than most people care for but has plenty of
laughs. My late wife (who hated sci-fi) fell in love with this show. The
basic premise can be summed up by Holly's intro:
"This is an SOS distress call from the mining ship Red Dwarf. The crew are
dead, killed by a radiation leak. The only survivors were Dave Lister, who
was in suspended animation during the disaster, and his pregnant cat, who
was safely sealed in the hold. Revived three million years later, Lister's
only companions are a life form who evolved from his cat, and Arnold
Rimmer, a hologram simulation of one of the dead crew. I am Holly, the
ship's computer, with an IQ of 6000. The same IQ as 6000 PE teachers."
While its not for everyone I would advise a rental if your local video
store carries it.
Thanks, Mr. Hawk!
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
More fog by night, very pleasant by day.
Did the farmers market/CostCo loop, and also stopped by Reptiles Unlimited for fresh crickets.
The crickets chirping are providing a nice ambience - sorta cricket-wallah. Very nice.
Tonight, Friday, CBS opens the night with a FRESH 'Joan Of Arcadia', followed by a FRESH 'JAG', then '48 Hours'.
On a RERUN Dave (from 2/12/04), are Bill Murray and Indiana Pacer Jermaine O'Neal.
On a RERUN Craiggers are Minnesota Timberwolves Kevin Garnett, Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell, Chris Noth, and model Marissa Miller.
NBC begins the night with a 2-hour 'Dateline', followed by a FRESH 'Crossing Jordan'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jay are Jennifer Tilly, underage film critics Mike Lewis & Charlie Fry, and Switchfoot.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan are Frankie Muniz, Big Show, and David Byrne.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Snoop Dogg, Chloe Sevigny, Russ Meneve, John Ondrasik, Five for Fighting, Robert Randolph and the Family Band.
ABC starts the night with a FRESH 'George Lopez', followed by a FRESH 'Married To The Kellys', then a
RERUN 'Hope & Faith', followed by a RERUN 'Bonnie', then '20/20'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Jerry O'Connell, Robert Loggia, and Cee-Lo, with this week's guest co-host Kevin Nealon.
The WB offers a RERUN 'Reba', followed by a RERUN 'What I Like About You', then a RERUN 'Grounded For Life', followed by a
FRESH 'The Help'.
Faux has the Series Premiere of 'Playing It Straight', followed by the Series Premiere of 'Wonderfalls'.
UPN has 'The Mania Of Wrestlemania', followed by a RERUN of the first episode of 'Game Over', then a RERUN of the decidedly unfunny 'The Mullets'.
PLEASE check local PBS listings for the BEST show on over-the-air-TV, 'NOW With Bill Moyers (& David Brancaccio)'.
A&E has 'American Justice', 'Biography' (James Garner), another 'Biography' (Carol Burnett), and still another 'Biography' (Alan Alda).
AMC offers the movie 'Patton', followed by the movie 'Halloween 4: Michael Myers', then the movie 'Army Of Darkness'.
BBC -
[6pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Crawley;
[7pm] 'Parkinson' - Meg Ryan and Trinny and Susannah;
[8pm] 'The Thin Blue Line' - The Queen's Birthday Present;
[8:40pm] 'Blackadder' - Bells;
[9:20pm] 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' - Dinsdale;
[10pm] 'At Home With The Braithwaites' - Episode 8;
[11pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Kim Catrall;
[11:30pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Heath Ledger;
[12am] 'The Thin Blue Line' - The Queen's Birthday Present;
[12:40am] 'Blackadder' - Bells;
[1:20am] 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' - Dinsdale;
[2am] 'So Graham Norton' - Kim Catrall;
[2:30am 'So Graham Norton' - Heath Ledger;
[3am] 'The Thin Blue Line' - The Queen's Birthday Present;
[3:40am] 'Blackadder' - Bells;
[4:20am] 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' - Dinsdale;
[5am] 'At Home With The Braithwaites' - Episode 8;
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'Inside The Actors Studio' (Ben Affleck), 'Queer Eye', followed by the movie 'The Myth Of Fingerprints', then the movie 'Being John Malkovich'.
Comedy Central has 'MAD TV', 'Comedy Central Presents' (Ardal O'Hanlon), 'Comedy Central Presents' (Paul F. Tompkins), 'Comedy Central Presents' (Greg Fitzsimmons), 'Comedy Central Presents' (Tom Cotter), and 'Comedy Central Presents' (Gary Valentine).
History has 'Cities Of The Maya', 'Modern Marvels', 'Dead Men's Tales', 'Heavy Metal', and 'Modern Marvels'.
IFC:
[6AM] 'Kikujiro' (1999);
[8:15AM] 'Color Of A Brisk And Leaping Day' (1996);
[9:45AM] 'IFC In Theaters';
[10AM] 'Zentropa' (1991);
[12PM] 'At The Angelika 82' (2003);
[12:30PM] 'The Big One' (1997);
[2PM] 'Color Of A Brisk And Leaping Day' (1996);
[3:30PM] 'At The Angelika 82' (2003);
[4PM] 'Kikujiro' (1999);
[6:15PM] 'The Big One' (1997);
[7:45PM] 'IFC In Theaters';
[8PM] 'Bread And Roses' (2001);
[10PM] 'No Looking Back' (1998);
[11:45PM] 'IFC In Theaters';
[12AM] 'Buddy Boy' (1999);
[2AM] 'Bread And Roses' (2001);
[4AM] 'No Looking Back' (1998);
[5:45AM] 'IFC In Theaters'. (ALL TIMES EST)
SciFi has 'Tremors: The Series', another 'Tremors: The Series', 'Stargate SG-1', 'Stargate SG-1', and another 'Stargate SG-1'.
Sundance:
[5:45AM] 'Lemon Crush' (short);
[6AM] 'Roswell' (short);
[6:30AM] 'Herb Alpert: Music for your Eyes' (short);
[7AM] 'Earth' (World Cinema);
[8:45AM] 'Cinema Verite: Defining The Moment' (Documentary);
[10:30AM] 'A World Apart' 'Chris Menges' (Feature);
[12:30PM] 'Lisa Picard is Famous' (Feature);
[2:05PM] 'My Father, the Genius' (Documentary);
[3:35PM] 'No Man's Land' (Feature);
[5:15PM] 'Earth' (World Cinema);
[7PM] 'A World Apart' (Feature);
[9PM] 'Enigma' (Feature);
[11PM] 'For Earth Below' (Feature);
[11:30PM] 'Tanner '88: Child's Play' (Short);
[12AM] 'The Crow' (Feature);
[1:45AM] 'Pure Gillies MacKinnon' (Feature);
[3:25AM] 'The Marriage of Maria Braun' (Feature);
[5:25AM] 'Lisa Picard is Famous' (Feature). (ALL TIMES EST)
TCM spends all day showcasing the early film career of
Ronald Reagan.
[6am] 'Love Is On The Air' (1937) <~~screen debut;
[7am] 'Accidents Will Happen' (1938);
[8:15am] 'Sergeant Murphy' (1938);
[9:30am] 'Code Of The Secret Service' (1939);
[10:30am] 'Smashing The Money Ring' (1939) [AKA: 'Queer Ring'];
[11:30am] 'Born For Trouble' (1942);
[12:30pm] 'Desperate Journey' (1942);
[2:30pm] 'One For The Book' (1947) [AKA: 'The Voice of the Turtle'];
[4:30pm] 'The Girl From Jones Beach' (1949);
[6pm] 'John Loves Mary' (1949);
[8pm] 'Yours, Mine And Ours' (1968);
[10pm] 'The Sugarland Express' (1974);
[12am] 'In Cold Blood' (1967);
[2:30am] 'Les Carabiniers' (1963);
[4am] 'Another Man's Poison' (1951). (ALL TIMES EST)
Oscar winning South African actress Charlize Theron holds Former South African President Nelson Mandela hand (L) during her visits at the Nelson Mandela Foundation in Houghton Johannesburg March 11,2004.
Photo by Juda Ngwenya
The Information One-Stop
Moose & Squirrel
Liberal Radio
Air America Radio
Al Franken will be the lead personality on Air America Radio, a startup venture promising a liberal alternative to powerhouse radio talk show pundits like Rush Limbaugh (R-Drug Addict).
The backers of Air America announced their programming lineup on Wednesday and said they planned to launch the network on March 31 in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago and San Francisco.
Franken will be joined by fellow TV comedian Janeane Garofalo, both of whom will have co-hosts for their live three-hour shows. Other shows will be hosted by Randi Rhodes, a radio personality from southern Florida, and Lizz Winstead, a co-creater of "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central.
Franken, who has signed a one-year contract with the network, made it clear that he intends to use his pulpit to pillory resident Bush in the run-up to the election.
For more, Air America Radio
Entertainment Weekly's Funniest Man
Chris Rock
He's not on television regularly anymore, but Entertainment Weekly has judged Chris Rock to be the funniest man in America.
Comedy Central's Jon Stewart was second on Entertainment Weekly's list of the 25 funniest Americans, and Will Ferrell came in third.
Larry David, Dave Chappelle, Ellen DeGeneres, Bill Murray, Jim Carrey and Jack Black also were praised by the magazine.
And here's a Top 10 list David Letterman isn't going to like: He was No. 11. Of course, it might make him feel better to know Jay Leno wasn't mentioned at all.
Chris Rock
Faux TV Gets Rights to Book
Rodney Dangerfield
Fox Television has secured rights to the "No Respect" comic legend Rodney Dangerfield's upcoming HarperCollins autobiography, "It's Not Easy Being Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs."
"I'm excited that Fox is making a movie on my life story, but I hope they do it soon! I'm 82 years old," Dangerfield said in a statement Wednesday.
The TV movie will be produced by David Permut of Permut Presentations, responsible for "Double Take," "Face/Off," "Eddie," "Dragnet," "Blind Date," "The Marrying Man," and "GiveEm Hell Harry." Dangerfield and Permut will co-executive produce.
Rodney Dangerfield
Audrey Geisel (C), the wife of author and artist Dr. Seuss (Theodore Seuss Geisel), poses with characters from his books after he was honored posthumously with the 2,249th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame March 11, 2004 in Los Angeles, California. The unveiling ceremony celebrated Seuss' 100th birthday and release of 'Cat in the Hat' DVD.
Photo by Jim Ruymen
Surprises Florida Students
Ludacris
A surprise visit by rapper Ludacris to a central Florida high school gave some much-needed diversion to students who'd experienced a string of tragedies in the past year.
The concert came in response to an e-mail from sophomore class president Nada Taha, who explained the school's rough year after the death of two classmates in a drag race and the loss of a beloved English teacher to breast cancer.
With state testing coming up, Taha asked Ludacris to come and "help our school regain the once-lost spirit and make a difference in our lives."
Already in town for a performance at Orlando's House of Blues, Ludacris and fellow rappers Chingy and David Banner gave a 30-minute performance that set off screams and cheers from the over 2,000 students in attendance.
Ludacris
Replacing Kirstie Alley
Thom Filicia
Kirstie Alley is out as spokeswoman for Pier 1 Imports. A queer eye is in.
The home furnishing chain has launched a new marketing campaign featuring Thom Filicia, the design guru of the hit makeover show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."
With the success of shows like "Trading Spaces" and "Queer Eye," it was time for Pier 1 to capitalize on the rising home decorating trend, said Phil Schneider, executive vice president for Pier 1 marketing.
Thom Filicia
'Dukes of Hazzard' Car Still the Favorite
'General Lee'
Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson's action comedy "Starsky & Hutch" has renewed interest in 1974 Ford Torinos, but Hollywood's top car star is still the orange 1969 Dodge Charger the General Lee from "The Dukes of Hazzard."
Hagerty Insurance surveyed car enthusiasts nationwide to determine the Top 10 television and motion picture car stars.
The Top 10 Car Stars list: "The Dukes of Hazzard," 1969 Dodge Charger General Lee; "Bullitt," green 1968 Ford Mustang driven by Steve McQueen; "Gone in Sixty Seconds," 1967 Shelby GT500; "Back to the Future," 1983 DeLorean; "Batman" TV series, Batmobile; "Goldfinger," Aston Martin DB5; "Smokey and the Bandit," 1977 Pontiac Firebird T/A; "Herbie, the Love Bug," 1963 Volkswagen Beetle; "Starsky and Hutch" TV series and "Starsky & Hutch" movie, 1974 Ford Torino; and "The Green Hornet" TV series, Chrysler Imperial Black Beauty.
'General Lee'
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
Hosting 'SNL'
Donald Trump
Real estate mogul Donald Trump will take over "Saturday Night Live" on April 3, NBC announced Wednesday.
Ben Affleck will host this Saturday's "SNL" with musical guest N.E.R.D.
Donald Trump
U.S. actors David Soul (L), Paul Michael Glaser (C) and Antonio Fargas, stars of the original Starsky and Hutch television show, arrive for the UK premiere of the Starsky and Hutch film adaptation in London, March 11, 2004.
Photo by Mike Finn-Kelcey
'Cities That Rock'
Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh tops the list of Esquire's "Cities That Rock" in its April issue. The list excludes New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago and Austin, Texas, which are widely cited for their music scenes.
The magazine polled more than six dozen music writers, acquaintances and friends to compile the list. A little sympathy for the Steel City didn't hurt.
Other cities making the list were Denver; Minneapolis; Raleigh, N.C.; Gainesville, Fla.; Fresno, Calif.; New Orleans; Phoenix; and San Francisco.
Pittsburgh
Takes Off on Second Season
'Airline'
Cable TV's A&E Network will show a second season of the series called "Airline," which features the exploits of passengers and personnel at low-fare carrier Southwest Airlines . The network said ratings have proven strong for the show, which seems to feature each week a passenger so drunk that they are not allowed to board a plane.
Production will start soon on the new season, which will consist of at least 18, 30-minute episodes. The series will add tales of travel on Southwest at Baltimore-Washington International Airport and continue coverage at Chicago Midway Airport and Los Angeles International.
A&E is a joint venture of the Hearst Corporation, Walt Disney Co.-owned, ABC and General Electric Co.-owned NBC.
'Airline'
Sticks with Stewart's Show - for Now
Food Network
Food Network, run by Cincinnati, Ohio-based media company E.W. Scripps Co., said in a statement it would keep "From Martha's Kitchen" in its regular time slot while it evaluates "these new circumstances" and allows "due process to take its course."
The show's content is derived from segments originally created for Stewart's flagship program, "Martha Stewart Living," which has been yanked off the air from Viacom-owned CBS and UPN affiliates in New York and other major markets.
King World Productions, which syndicates "Martha Stewart Living," said it would continue to distribute the show to local stations that want to run it.
Food Network
Formerly 'The Vidiot'
Photos Can't Be Used
R. Kelly
Detectives illegally seized photographs allegedly showing R&B singer R. Kelly having sex with an underage girl and prosecutors cannot use them to try him on child pornography charges, a judge ruled Thursday.
Circuit Judge Dennis Maloney agreed with Kelly's lawyers that Polk County sheriff's detectives did not have enough evidence to justify a search of Kelly's Davenport home when they asked a judge for a warrant in June 2002. The photographs were on a digital camera that was wrapped in a towel inside a duffel bag.
Kelly also faces 14 counts of child pornography charges in Chicago and has pleaded innocent. Those charges are not affected by Maloney's ruling. Last month, seven of the original 21 child pornography charges against Kelly in Chicago were dismissed.
R. Kelly
Artist James McNeill Whistler's 'Arrangement in Grey and Black, No. 1: Portrait of the Artist's Mother,'1871,--better known as 'Whistler's Mother,'-- is shown in this undated photo. The painting has only left the Musee d'Orsay in Paris a few times in the past half-century. But beginning Sunday, March 14, 2004 and through June 6, visitors can enjoy the 19th-century image at the Detroit Institute of Arts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fumes At 'Bloody Gun'
Queen Elizabeth II
Queen Elizabeth II was not amused when she bumped into a police officer on her private garden patio with a lethal sub-machine gun in his arms.
"She walked straight up to the officer, pointed at his gun, and said: 'You can take that bloody thing away'," the Sun newspaper quoted an unidentified source as saying Thursday.
The incident happened when the British monarch returned to Buckingham Palace in central London in February after a mid-winter break at Sandringham, her English country retreat.
"It is the first time anyone can recall her using that kind of language to speak to a police officer," the source added. "She clearly was extremely frustrated at the in-you-face security in her own living quarters."
Queen Elizabeth II
Case Closed
'The Practice'
David E. Kelley's Emmy-winning legal drama "The Practice" will bow out May 16 after eight seasons.
The final episodes of the ABC show will set up a spinoff series, which has been given a 22-episode order by the network for the fall.
Sources said the pickup is not contingent on any actor, but speculation is that the latest additions to the show -- James Spader and Rhona Mitra -- have been approached for the spinoff.
'The Practice'
Attraction Could Revive Franchise
'Star Trek: Borg Invasion 4D'
The Borg is about to attempt to assimilate Las Vegas -- and if the invasion is a success, the alien collective may not only breathe new life into one of that city's tourist attractions but also could help to rescue the fading "Star Trek" franchise.
On March 18 at the Las Vegas Hilton, Paramount Parks will open "Star Trek: Borg Invasion 4D," a state-of-the-art attraction replaces the six-year-old "Star Trek: The Experience."
Like the Borg itself -- part machine and part living organism -- the new attraction is a hybrid, part ride and part movie.
As the attraction's visitors tour a futuristic research facility, the drones of the Borg collective will try to capture them using 24th century technology. In the movie portion, the Borg queen, played by "Star Trek: First Contact's" Alice Krige, attempts to assimilate the visitors. The day is saved when the Enterprise arrives, along with its commander, Adm. Janeway (Kate Mulgrew), and the doctor (Robert Picardo) from the "Star Trek: Voyager" TV series.
For more, 'Star Trek: Borg Invasion 4D'
Film Reaches Mexico 16 Years Later
'The Last Temptation of Christ'
As debate rages worldwide over Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ," Mexico is just coming to grips with a Martin Scorsese crucifixion film banned here since its release in 1988.
Heavily Catholic Mexico outlawed director Scorsese's film "The Last Temptation of Christ" for portraying a weak-willed Jesus Christ tempted to have sex with Mary Magdalene.
It will finally debut in cinemas here on Friday.
For a lot more, 'The Last Temptation of Christ'
Politics Is Focus
South by Southwest Film Festival
It'll be politics as (un)usual at the South by Southwest film festival, where the focus in resident Bush's home state will be on the very forces that elevated him from the governor's mansion to the White House.
The festival, which begins Friday in Austin, Texas, and runs through March 20, features several political discussions and documentaries, most notably "Bush's Brain," about presidential adviser Karl Rove.
Festival producer Matt Dentler said it was only natural to make politics the main theme in such an intense election year.
Hence the presence of "Bush's Brain," making its world premiere Saturday night. The documentary is based on the 2003 book of the same name by veteran Texas journalists Wayne Slater and Jim Moore, which depicts Rove as the most powerful political consultant in American history and, in essence, a co-president.
For more, South by Southwest Film Festival
www.sxsw.com/film
Pulling the Plug Has Its Costs
DISH / Viacom
When media titans clash over television rights, there's always the weapon of last resort: pulling the plug.
But as the DISH Network and Viacom Inc. found out this week, actually using that weapon can be extremely costly, not only for the two combatants but also for anyone else in the industry hoping to win friends in Washington and in the public.
Even when the dispute lasts just 48 hours, as it did in this case, the fallout can be poisonous. Public interest groups and members of Congress are already on a campaign to roll back media consolidation, and a public brawl between two behemoths that traps the viewing public in the middle could hardly come at a worse time.
The public normally doesn't become involved when giant media companies like EchoStar and Viacom have bitter disagreements over industry issues such as the "retransmission consent" that broadcasters must give multichannel operators like DISH to carry major networks.
But when the public does get caught in the middle, it can backfire for the media companies who may think that they're annihilating the enemy. In fact, the public outcry could further hurt media conglomerates as they seek to overcome opposition to even further consolidations, such as Comcast Corp.'s proposed megamerger with The Walt Disney Co.
DISH / Viacom
Forgotten City Lies Beneath
Edinburgh Vaults
Deep beneath the cobbled streets of the Scottish capital lies a dank and forgotten realm where prostitutes once rubbed shoulders with body snatchers and the light of day never penetrated.
The thousands of subterranean citizens moved out long ago leaving the Edinburgh Vaults underneath the city's South Bridge alone with its multitude of ghosts until it was rediscovered in the 1980s and found new life as a tourist attraction.
"There are no written records of who lived in these vaults, although there is ample anecdotal evidence that thousands of people lived and died here, some probably never even seeing the outside world," said tour guide Jim Lennie.
The vaults are formed by the 19 arches of the South Bridge, built between 1785 and 1788 across the Cowgate ravine as the cramped ancient city began to expand.
Bricked in and built around, the vaults became a warren of nooks, crannies and tunnels forming the historic city's underworld.
For a lot more, Edinburgh Vault
Three-month-old polar bear cub looks at its reflection in the Moscow Zoo during one of his first appearances in the open, March 10, 2004. The cub has no name and specialists do not know its gender, as bear's mother Murma lets nobody approach the baby.
Photo by Sergei Karpukhin
'The Osbournes'
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