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Issue #3
Disinfotainment Today
By Michael Dare
Dear Barry,Thank you for braving time and space to contact me.You are the answer to my prayers. I live up a dirt road in the middle of the desert, fifteen miles from civilization with no transportation. I need to get my kids to the bus stop every weekday PRECISELY at sunrise, which is when you're up anyway. Here's a map.
I need you about 6:30AM.Thanks,MD
Barry,
My friend Andre is going to inherit $6 million next month. If you'll take a post-dated check, we're on.
MD
Dear Barry,
I own a patch of land in New Guinea that's perfect for a leper colony. The title's in my sister's name but I can forge her signature pretty well. All my horses and livestock are roaming the free ranges of Montana, but if you can round them up, they're yours. And if I had a truck, I wouldn't need your help.
MD
Barry,
Well, if you're going to be THAT way about it. My uncle Sid grooms Brad Pitt's analyst's dog and he's gotten Brad to agree to star in my treatment of the life of Gerald Ford and we need someone like you for the final polish. But now, forget it.
MD
From 'TBH Politoons'
Great Site!
Thanks, again, Tim!
Weekly Review
HARPER'S WEEKLY REVIEW
June 4, 2002
Robert S. Mueller, the director of the F.B.I., admitted that the
bureau might have been able to prevent the September 11 attacks if it
had responded appropriately to a variety of intelligence reports.
Mueller announced that he was creating an Office of Intelligence as
part of a major redesign of the agency. Henceforth, he said, the
F.B.I.'s first priority will be preventing terrorist attacks.
Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that the F.B.I. is changing its
internal guidelines and now would be permitted to carry out
surveillance on domestic political and religious groups in situations
where no specific criminal conduct is suspected. The old regulations
were imposed 25 years ago in reaction to widespread abuses of power by
the bureau. Civil libertarians complained that the F.B.I. was being
rewarded with new powers for its failure to make use of the ones it
already had.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals filed suit
against the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus, and accused
the company of planting informers, tapping phones, stealing documents,
and other forms of aggressive espionage.
A federal judge in New Jersey
told the Bush Administration that its policy of holding secret
hearings for all immigrants held in connection with the September 11
investigation violates the due process clause of the Constitution; the
judge said the government may hold secret hearings but only after
showing "specific evidence in an individual case of why it must be
secret."
Intelligence officials revealed that the C.I.A. had
identified two of the September 11 hijackers as Al Qaeda members in
October 2000 but had simply watched as the men traveled to America;
the agency did nothing to prevent their entry into the United States
or to alert the I.N.S. or the F.B.I. so that the terrorists could be
put under surveillance. The F.B.I. seized on the information as the
missing link that could have enabled them to prevent the September 11
attacks.
Continued at www.harpers.org/weekly-review
--Roger D. Hodge
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
The local NBC station is heavily promoting taping sessions for 'Dr. Phil', one of Oprah's gurus. Sounds like even though it's tourist season they're having
trouble filling up the studio. Way back when 'Dr.' Laura had her little TV show it got so difficult to fill the audience that they were paying people, in cash, to
sit through the tapings.
I live in Long Beach, CA. State mandated 'term limits' said that Beverly O'Neill, who has served 2 terms, may no longer run to be mayor. She was the top vote-getter in the primary, and still
her name did not appear on the ballot cast today. There was only 1 name on the ballot. At least 57% of the voting public legally and legitimately wrote her name in! Oh, yeah, Bev is a Dem!
Still working through the manuscript. It's much better I'd been led to believe, just wish I was a little fonder of this genre of science fiction. Thankfully, there was nothing but
TV worth ignoring.
Tonight, Wednesday, CBS starts the evening with '60 Minutes II' and follows with the movie 'Cupid & Cate'.
Scheduled on a fresh Dave are Chris Rock and Jack Johnson.
Scheduled on a fresh Craiggers are Jack Black, Bridget Moynahan, and Finesse Mitchell.
NBC has the NBA Finals - Game 1. The Nets are gonna visit the Lakers. Most of the rest of the evenings programming will be
of local origination, although, there may be a rerun of 'The West Wing'.
Scheduled on a fresh Jay are Adam Sandler and Abandoned Pools.
Scheduled on a fresh Conan are Jason Priestley and David Rakoff.
Scheduled on a fresh Carson Daly is Bob Costas.
ABC has reruns of 'My Wife & Kids', 'Jim', 'Drew Carey', then a fresh 'My Adventures In
Televsion' (which aired some episodes under the title 'Wednesday Nights At 9:30pm (8:30 Central)'. It's followed by
a fresh 'Boston 24/7'.
Scheduled on a fresh Bill Maher are ("Crossfire" co-host) Bill Press, (actress) Shelley Long, (actor) John Fugelsang, (columnist) Rebecca Hagelin.
The WB has 2 reruns of 'Dawson's Creek'.
Faux has 2 reruns of 'Grounded For Life', then a rerun 'Bernie Mac', and a fresh 'Greg The Bunny'.
UPN has a rerun 'Enterprise', and then a rerun 'Wolf Lake'.
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
On His Best Behavior For Queen
Ozzy
Rock wild man Ozzy Osbourne promised to behave himself at Queen Elizabeth II's Golden Jubilee pop concert. And he kept his word — sort of.
"I don't want to spend the rest of my life in the Tower," the former Black Sabbath star told the national news agency Press Association before he performed Monday night.
"I mustn't drop my trousers, no bad language or perhaps a trap door will open."
The 53-year-old heavy metal icon, who found new fame with the MTV reality series "The Osbournes," once was notorious for having bitten the head off a bat during a 1982
concert. But the much tamer concert at Buckingham Palace was the highlight of his career, he said.
"Absolutely, this means more to me than anything. These last six months, I've had such good fortune land my way," he said. "I keep thinking that sooner or later the
bubble will burst. My wife, Sharon, keeps saying, 'You're one of those guys who's not happy unless you find a dark cloud.'"
Osbourne said he thought it was a joke when he heard he'd been invited to play at the palace.
"I'm more surprised than anybody else that I'm here. My wife told me and I thought, 'You're pulling my leg.' Heavy metal at the palace? I'm not sure whether the
queen is a fan, but obviously she must be."
As comedian Lenny Henry began to introduce Osbourne, the singer suddenly appeared on stage screaming to the crowd, "Rock 'n' roll! Rock 'n' roll!"
Soon, he was performing the Black Sabbath anthem, "Paranoid," to booming guitars. Racing back and forth across the stage, he chewed gum while singing.
As his song ended and fireworks exploded around the stage, Prince Harry and Prince William, Queen Elizabeth II's grandsons, were clapping above their heads
and smiling from the royal box.
Ozzy
Yucca Mountain
Mike Farrell
Actor Mike Farrell, armed with a letter signed by 70 fellow celebrities, urged senators on Tuesday to vote against a plan to bury the nation's nuclear power waste at Nevada's Yucca Mountain.
Calling claims of safety for the Yucca site "technically unfounded," the former "M-A-S-H" star said transporting the 77,000 tons of waste to Nevada would create "an
enormous target for someone who has an ill intention."
The House overrode Nevada's veto in May.
Co-signers of the letter include actors Alec Baldwin and Tim Robbins, comedians Paula Poundstone and Rob Reiner, and singers Barbra Streisand and Harry Belafonte.
Mike Farrell
Senate Energy Committee
Big Dog Watch Continues
Bill Clinton In Hot Springs
Former President Bill Clinton, center, speaks with the Rev. Dr. Larry Williams, rector of St. Luke's Episcopal Church, left, and an unidentified woman outside the Hot Springs, Ark., church Tuesday, June 4, 2002.
Clinton visited his childhood hometown to attend funeral services for longtime friend Robert S. Hargraves.
Photo by Danny Johnston
Sex & Sopranos
HBO Schedule
HBO has set 9 p.m. July 21 as the new time for what promises to be one of the biggest TV events of the summer: the season premiere of Emmy-winning comedy "Sex and the City!."
The cable network had been set to bow a fresh batch of 13 episodes of "Sex" this month, but that plan went out the window following series star Sarah Jessica Parker's
announcement that she was pregnant. Production was halted for a few weeks; HBO execs decided in April to cut the number of episodes in the upcoming season to eight from 13.
With "Six Feet Under" having wrapped its second season Sunday, HBO will fill the 9 p.m. slot for the next few weeks with repeats from "Sex's" recent winter "mini-season."
The upcoming "Sex" episodes will culminate in the show's fourth season finale on Sept. 8. The next week, Sept. 15, HBO will bow the much-anticipated season premiere of "The
Sopranos" at 9 p.m., followed by the season premieres of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Mind of a Married Man" at 10 and 10:30 p.m., respectively.
HBO Schedule
Dedicates Theater at H.S.
Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks never had it this good when he started acting at Skyline High School.
Hanks dedicated a renovated theater — complete with high-end lighting and sound equipment and a new grand piano and stage floor — in front of 1,000 cheering students,
teachers and fellow alumni. At Hanks' urging, the theater was named after retired drama teacher Rawley T. Farnsworth, whom Hanks credited as an early influence when
he accepted the best actor Oscar for "Philadelphia" in 1993.
"Who knows what I would have ended up doing with my time if it wasn't for Mr. Farnsworth," the 45-year-old Hanks said Saturday night. He gave at least $100,000 for
the $465,000 project, the Oakland Tribune reported.
Tom Hanks
Party In The Palace
The Queen Wore Earplugs
The Queen wore ear plugs as stars of the rock and pop worlds performed at the Party in the Palace.
Dame Edna Everage welcomed the Queen to the concert and called her the "Jubilee Girl".
The Queen took her seat to huge applause just before 10pm. She arrived just in time to catch Eric Clapton play Layla.
Sir Paul McCartney was top of the bill. "Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl but she doesn't have much to say," he sang with tongue in cheek.
Queen guitarist Brian May started the concert with a solo on top of the palace roof. He was followed on stage by stars such as The Corrs, Toploader, Bryan Adams, Tom Jones and Tony Bennett.
Ozzy Osbourne caused a stir with Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Lommi, performing the heavy-metal anthem Paranoid. Ozzy left the stage shouting "God Save the Queen".
Beach Boy Brian Wilson was joined by guitar legend Eric Clapton, The Corrs, Sir Cliff, Atomic Kitten and Emma Bunton for a medley of Sixties surfing hits, including Good Vibrations.
Sir Paul's set included one of George Harrison's songs, While My Guitar Gently Weeps, which he played along with Eric Clapton. The Beatles classic All You Need Is Love provided the finale with all the show's stars on stage.
The Queen Wore Earplugs
Luring Swimmers Off For Sex
Horny Dolphin
From Alex
Swimmers have been warned to stay away from a sexually frustrated dolphin off a seaside resort after it tried to lure unwary humans out to sea in a bid to mate with them.
The Times newspaper said on Tuesday that the bottlenose dolphin, nicknamed Georges, had arrived off Weymouth, Dorset, about two months ago after following a trawler across the Channel.
"This dolphin does get very sexually aggressive. He has already attempted to mate with some divers," U.S. marine mammal expert Ric O'Barry told the paper.
The dolphin also has a fascination for boat propellers and has been injured several times. But it has resisted attempts to move to less-populated waters, the paper said.
Since his arrival at Weymouth, Georges has become a major attraction at the seaside resort with thousands of people taking to the sea in boats to watch him play.
Horny Dolphin
Thanks, Alex!
To Resume Tour July 11
Creed
Creed, which canceled part of its "Weathered" tour after lead singer Scott Stapp was involved in a car accident, is heading back to the stage.
The multiplatinum rock group is scheduled to begin a 30-date tour on July 11 in Virginia Beach, Va., according to a statement from the band's publicist.
In April, Creed scrapped a tour that was supposed to run through May 31 after Stapp's vehicle was rear-ended by a sport utility vehicle in his hometown of Orlando, Fla.
Although a police report indicated no one was injured in the accident, a representative for Creed said Stapp suffered back injuries, including a torn disc in his lower
back and a bulging disc in his neck.
Creed To Resume Tour
Creed's official Web site
On A 30-Second Delay
Ozzy & The Beeb
The venerable BBC, which has been airing the "F-word" for so long it's lost any power to shock, got all coy with its worldwide broadcast of last night's London pop concert marking the Queen's Golden Jubilee. The Beeb
put a 30-second delay on the telecast because it was terrified of what flavor-of-the-month Ozzy Osbourne might blurt out from the stage. Probably right to be concerned - earlier in the piece Ozzy wondered aloud to
the press about what Prince Charles was doing with "that Camilla with a face like a sack of s- - -."
Ozzy & The Beeb
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
'Friend' Courtside at French Open
Jennifer Capriati
Players' guests sitting courtside are nothing out of the usual at major tennis tournaments, but one friend in particular had heads turning at the French Open on Tuesday.
Matthew Perry, star of the U.S. sitcom 'Friends,' was spotted on Court Suzanne Lenglen taking in the atmosphere of Venus Williams's quarter-final against Monica Seles.
Whether he was rooting for Venus or his on-screen wife's namesake was unclear, but the actor, who plays neurotic Chandler in the NBC hit comedy, is sure to hang around
for top seed Jennifer Capriati's match against Jelena Dokic later on Tuesday.
The actor and the women's world No. 1 have built up a friendship and Perry cheered her on in Miami earlier this year.
Capriati had been quick to quell rumors of a romance.
Perry, a former top-ranked junior in Canada and a regular doubles partner of John McEnroe at celebrity events, cast his expert eye over the action on Tuesday before
heavy rain forced him to run for the cover of the VIP lounge.
Jennifer Capriati
Denounce Education Cuts
Hip-Hop Stars
Ten people, including singer Wyclef Jean, were arrested Tuesday as thousands of teachers and their students turned out for a rally to hear hip-hop stars and politicians denounce proposed cuts to city schools.
All those arrested were charged with disorderly conduct, said Police Commissioner Ray Kelly. One person was also charged with assaulting an officer. It was unclear how the officer was hurt, but police said he
suffered only minor injuries. Another person was also charged with criminal possession of a weapon, said Detective Kevin Czartoryski. Police said he was carrying a knife.
The rally, which police say attracted some 20,000 school children, was organized by the United Federation of Teachers and the Hip Hop Summit Action Network, a group organized by rap impresario Russell Simmons.
Entertainers including Alicia Keys, Erykah Badu, Jay-Z and P. Diddy told the crowd that Mayor Michael Bloomberg's budget cuts are unfair to students.
"You've got a mayor who's a billionaire who wants to take the opportunity away from you to become the same kind of person," rapper Chuck D. told the crowd that appeared to include as many students as adults.
Hip Hop Stars
Merchandising
'The Osbournes'
There's no doubt that rocker Ozzy Osbourne and his family have swiftly become cultural icons because of MTV's most popular series ever, "The Osbournes."
Now, the marketers behind the irreverent family's show are hoping that a slew of merchandise tied to the reality series will be just as big. Last month, basic products
like T-shirts and mugs hit retailers' shelves, but a wider breadth of items, ranging from backpacks to trading cards
and watches, will be hitting stores, from Kmart to Toys R Us, in the next 30 to 60 days.
"We touched upon an extraordinary slightly different view of family values," said Del Furano, chief executive of Signatures Network, the San Francisco-based entertainment licensing company,
which signed an exclusive agreement to develop the merchandise for "The Osbournes," which made its debut March 5.
So far, the company has signed up 55 licensees. Furano expects a total of 70 licensees this year, and projects that retail sales tied to the show will total $200 million this year.
It is believed that the Osbourne family will receive $5 million for the upcoming season.
Celebrities, like the Osbournes, usually receive about 15 percent to 20 percent of wholesale volume of the merchandise. Wholesale volume is typically half of retail sales. That means they
could reap between $15 million and $20 million.
Merchandising 'The Osbournes'
Judge Sets Date In Photo Suit
Jennifer Aniston
A lawsuit filed by actress Jennifer Aniston against two magazine publishers who ran a photo of her sunbathing topless will proceed.
A federal judge has set a trial date for July 2.
Aniston sued Man's World Publications and Crescent Publishing Group in August 2000, claiming that a photographer with a telephoto lens
scaled a neighbor's wall to take shots of her in her back yard.
Aniston argues descriptions of the photograph that said she was "raunchy" were highly offensive.
Jennifer Aniston
BartCop TV!
2-Year Renewal
'Queer as Folk'
Showtime's highest-rated -- and most controversial -- weekly series, "Queer as Folk," has landed a two-year renewal, encompassing 32 hour-long episodes.
The cost of the ensemble series, which deals graphically with the sex lives of gay men and lesbians, will inch up closer to $1.5 million an episode, and Showtime's license fee will cover about 80% of the budget.
Warner Bros. TV, which distributes "Queer as Folk" outside the United States and Canada, will finance the rest of the production cost.
The current season of "Queer as Folk" wraps up June 16, and the new episodes kick off in March 2003. The series will stay in its Sunday-at-10-p.m. slot.
Offsay added Showtime is commissioning only 16 hours a season instead of the 21 it greenlit for each of the first two seasons, to give the cast members extra time off to do movies and guest shots in episodes of other TV series.
'Queer as Folk'
To Play Superhero 'Shrink'
Jennifer Lopez
Singer-actress Jennifer Lopez plans to star as a psychologist for superheroes in an upcoming film comedy titled "Shrink," which she will also help produce for Columbia Pictures, the studio said on Tuesday.
Based on an Internet character created by former Marvel Comics illustrator Rob Liefeld, "Shrink" marks the first film project under Lopez's new production deal with Columbia, a unit of
Japanese electronics giant Sony Corp., a studio spokesman said.
The material was optioned as Columbia basks in the record-shattering box-office success of a more traditional superhero adventure, "Spider-Man," the latest in a new wave of crime fighters
in tights leaping off the pages of comic books and onto the screen.
"Shrink" takes a more tongue-in-cheek approach to the genre, with Lopez playing a former superhero who hangs up her cape for a new career as a counselor catering to the psychologically
troubled Supermen and Wonder Women of the world. But things get complicated when she finds herself caught in a love triangle.
Jennifer Lopez
Wants to Jump Again
Evel Knievel
He's gotten a lot older and his wheels are a bit rustier but former motorcycle daredevil Evel Knievel wants one last chance to show the world he can still go
the distance with a final jump -- which he sometimes had trouble doing in his heyday.
The motorcycle rider who gained notoriety jumping over rows of buses, trucks and just about anything else in the 1960s and '70s has led a quiet life the past
two decades, but plans to return to the spotlight next year for a final fling, which would be his longest jump if he gets his way.
The event would mark the grand opening of his Evel Knievel Xperience Cafe, an ode to his life and truck stop food, slated for completion next spring in the town
of Primm, Nevada, on the California state line about a half-hour drive from Las Vegas.
But his planned comeback is more than just a wish to recapture past glory days. He says he just wants to be Evel again one more time.
For the rest, Evel Knievel
Neil's Daughter
Lauren Bush
Lauren Bush, the resident's niece, wears Tommy Jeans in Tommy Hilfiger's ad campaign, but it turns out she's a fashion designer in her own right.
Bush, a model and soon-to-be college student, was on Hilfiger's arm at Monday night's Council of Fashion Designers of America awards at the New
York Public Library. She designed her draped navy dress.
"It just came to me," said Bush, noting that the color was "in the spirit of Tommy."
Lauren Bush
In Memory
Vernon 'Buddy' Roof
RIDGWAY, Pa. (AP) - Judge Vernon "Buddy" Roof, president judge of Elk and Cameron counties, died Sunday. He was 51.
Roof was appointed in 1996 by former Gov. Tom Ridge to fill a vacancy created when Gordon Daghir lost a retention election for a second 10-year term. Roof then was elected in 1997 to a 10-year term.
A prosecutor for 18 years, Roof received a law degree from Ohio Northern University.
He was also an instructor of criminal law and procedure at Indiana University of Pennsylvania and taught law trial advocacy at Duquesne University.
Vernon 'Buddy' Roof
Still Seeking Volunteers
'The Osbournes'
Very freshly updated - 'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2 !
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
C'mon....send your thoughts, your impressions, your views, your favorite quotes...
Scroll down for lots of addys to pick from (or 'from which to pick', for the truly anal retentive).
