Thousands of holiday travelers found themselves inadvertently grounded today when Air Blue Away lost complete control of reality for an entire morning, bringing business to a standstill across the Midwest.
Disgruntled customer Ali Tabug complained that "I only get one week's vacation a year. I planned to spend it blown away, not totally grounded in reality. What a major bummer."
Air BlueAway President Art C. Fartsy admitted today that "like all our satisfied customers over the years, these people were expecting to get blown away but found themselves inadvertently grounded in reality. I know what that's like and I apologize. Nobody is going to be fired over the incident. I take full responsibility."
Mike Easerindecar, chairman and CEO of Bummers 'r' Us, said "We resent this blatant case of copyright infringement. We've been marketing bummers for years, in direct competition with Air Blue Away, and they have no right to associate themselves with bummers in any way, shape, or form."
"That just blows me away," declared Fartsy, "but I can dig where he's coming from. I'd like to assure Mr. Easerindecar that we are not trying to attract customers interested in bummers, and I actually find it surprising that such a market exists. The whole idea bums me out royal."
"There he goes again," replied Fartsy. "I'm blown away by Easerindecar's capacity to bum me out."
In fact, the blown away and bummer marketplaces have been running neck and neck for years. Customers seem to be equally attracted to both concepts.
"I bought into bummers in '93," says bummer billionaire Anita Smack, "and my worth kept doubling and tripling."
"I was blown away in '71," says crypto-neurosurgeon Harmony Slapper from his new home in Guantanamo, "and look where it got me."
"My first major bummer was so intense I've subconsciously been repeating it over and over for years," explained neo-bum Wilma Fingerdo, who lost a fortune this year in real bummers.
"Every time I'm blown away, it reminds me of the first time I was blown away, and it just blows me away that happens," said nobody in particular.
"That just bums me out. I'm always grounded in reality. I don't know what all those crybabies are complaining about," said Xavier Self from Drowning, PA., who's been a bummer for 47 years and counting.
"I don't buy into any of this," Buddha butted in. "One must be blown away AND grounded in reality to find nirvana."
Nirvana had no comment.
"I just blows me away that anyone could say such a thing."
- Nirvana, who had a comment after all -
"Concentrate your phaser power on what appears to be its head."
- Captain James T. Kirk, USS Enterprise -
"I'm so bummed away by all this."
- Margaret Thatcher -
"Me too."
- Moses -
"Won't it ever end?"
- Nope -
Tomb of Fictional Character Found
"We're as stunned as everyone is," said film director Ivan T'bycha. "The last thing we expected to find in this archeological dig was the remains of a fictional character, his wife, and two kids."
"It simply strains disbelief," said Dondy Lifejackets, chairman of the archdiocese of Reactionary Intellectuals. "Other than this so-called 'tomb' in this so called 'dig,' there's no direct evidence whatsoever that fictional characters die natural deaths."
The History Channel promises to get to the bottom of this implausible controversy in a new one-hour special called "Watch This Or We'll Kill You Then Do A Special About You."
How to Change Things
The Hegelian Dialectic is a process formulated by the German philosopher Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1770 - 1831) and used by Karl Marx in codifying revolutionary Communism as dialectical materialism. This process can be illustrated as:
The Thesis represents either an established practice or point of view which is pitted against...
The Antithesis - usually a crisis of opposition fabricated or created by change agents, causing the Thesis to compromise itself, incorporating some part of the Antithesis to produce...
The Synthesis - sometimes called consensus.
This is the primary tool in the bag of tricks used by change agents who are trained to direct this process all over the country... A good example of this concept was voiced by T.H. Bell when he was U.S. Secretary of Education: "[We] need to create a crisis to get consensus in order to bring about change."
ALBANIA: 120 non-combat troops, mainly patrolling airport in Mosul; no plans to withdraw. ARMENIA: 46 soldiers, serving as medics, engineers and transport drivers, serving under Polish command; mission extended to end of 2007. AUSTRALIA: 550 troops helping to train security forces in two southern Iraqi provinces. AZERBAIJAN: 150 troops, mostly serving as sentries, on patrols and protecting dam near city of Hadid; no plans to withdraw. BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA: Bosnia has 36 soldiers - including three teams of 10 officers and a command team of six - in Iraq. BRITAIN: 7,100 troops in southern Iraq; Prime Minister Tony Blair announced plans to reduce force by 1,600 in the coming months. BULGARIA: 155 in total, including 120 non-combat troops guarding refugee camp north of Baghdad and 35 support personnel. CZECH REPUBLIC: 99 troops. DENMARK: 460 troops patrolling Basra; to be withdrawn by August. EL SALVADOR: 380 soldiers doing peacekeeping and humanitarian work in southern city of Kut; no immediate plans to withdraw. ESTONIA: 35 troops serving under U.S. command in the Baghdad area. GEORGIA: About 900 combat forces, medics and support personnel serving under U.S. command in Baqouba; no plans to withdraw or reduce contingent. KAZAKHSTAN: 27 military engineers; no plans to withdraw. LATVIA: 125 troops are serving under Polish command in Diwaniyah. LITHUANIA: 53 troops are part of a Danish battalion near Basra. A government spokeswoman said it is "seriously considering" not replacing the contingent when its mission ends in August. MACEDONIA: 40 troops in Taji, north of Baghdad. MOLDOVA: 11 bomb-defusing experts returned home at end of January; parliament has not yet decided on sending a new mission. MONGOLIA: 160 troops; no plans to withdraw. NETHERLANDS: 15 soldiers as part of NATO mission training police, army officers; no plans to withdraw. POLAND: 900 non-combat troops; commands multinational force south of Baghdad; mission extended to end of 2007. ROMANIA: About 600 troops, most serving in the south under British command, with the rest - a few dozen military intelligence officers - serving north of Baghdad; Prime Minister Calin Popescu Tariceanu wants them withdrawn. SLOVENIA: Four instructors training Iraqi security forces. SOUTH KOREA: 2,300 troops in the northern Iraqi city of Irbil; plans to bring home 1,100 by April and parliament insists on a plan for a complete withdrawal by end of 2007. UNITED STATES: Approximately 140,000 troops.
Answer: "-23" All but one are withdrawing troops.
I Feel So Much Safer Now
"Federal prosecutors counted immigration violations, marriage fraud and drug trafficking among anti-terror cases in the four years after 9/11 even though no evidence linked them to terror activity, a Justice Department audit said Tuesday. Overall, nearly all of the terrorism-related statistics on investigations, referrals and cases examined by department Inspector General Glenn A. Fine were either diminished or inflated."
"The United States on Friday rejected an international call to abandon the use of cluster bombs, State Department spokesman Sean McCormack said.
"'We ... take the position that these munitions do have a place and a use in military inventories, given the right technology as well as the proper rules of engagement,' McCormack said.
"Forty-six countries meeting in Oslo on Friday pledged to seek a treaty banning cluster bombs by next year, with major user and stockpiler Britain and manufacturer France signing on, Norway said...
"A cluster bomb is a container holding hundreds of smaller bomblets. It opens in mid-air and disperses the bomblets over a large area.
"The smaller bombs do not always explode on impact, which means they can continue to kill innocent civilians years later.
"A recent report by Handicap International claimed that 98 percent of casualties from cluster munitions are non-combatants.
Bradley Sowash is rapidly becoming one of my favorite living pianists. In his latest release, he imagines a collaboration between Beethoven and Duke Ellington. For a video and free MP3, check out Ellingthoven.
Caption Contest
Big Thank You...
...to everybody who sent me a graphic of my email address to use to fool the spiders, but especially to Joe Showalter who sent the incredibly simple JavaScript used for the above email link, which is totally spiderproof.
Just slug in your facts and post away. Now can anyone figure out how to use this JavaScript with this graphic?
Hint: Just replacing "Condi Caption" (the showlink) with the name of the graphic doesn't work.
New Word of the Week
"Iraqurate."
- from Harry Shearer
Disturbing Video of the Week
On 9/11, it would seem the BBC was about half an hour too early in reporting the collapse of WTC7. In what is clearly a pre-written cover story, the reporters are explaining the details of the collapse. They explain that the building was damaged due to falling debris and that it collapsed as a result. The problem is that the building is standing RIGHT BEHIND THE REPORTER as she is reading the report! Check out this video (or the enormous MPG here) which seems to indicate there was a press release prepared about the collapse (really a controlled demolition) before it ever happened, and the BBC somehow aired it too early. Unless you have another explanation.
Satan Doesn't Want You to Know
apples
Protects your heart
Prevents constipation
Blocks diarrhea
Improves lung capacity
Cushions joints
apricots
Combats cancer
Controls blood pressure
Saves your eyesight
Shields against Alzheimer's
Slows aging process
artichokes
Improves digestion
Lowers cholesterol
Protects your heart
Stabilizes blood sugar
Guards against liver disease
avocados
Battles diabetes
Lowers cholesterol
Helps stop strokes
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin
bananas
Protects your heart
Quiets a cough
Strengthens bones
Controls blood pressure
Blocks diarrhea
beans
Prevents constipation
Helps hemorrhoids
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Stabilizes blood sugar
beets
Controls blood pressure
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones
Protects your heart
Aids weight loss
blueberries
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Stabilizes blood sugar
Boosts memory
Prevents constipation
broccoli
Strengthens bones
Saves eyesight
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure
cabbage
Combats cancer
Prevents constipation
Promotes weight loss
Protects your heart
Helps hemorrhoids
cantaloupe
Saves eyesight
Controls blood pressure
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Supports immune system
carrots
Saves eyesight
Protects your heart
Prevents constipation
Combats cancer
Promotes weight loss
cauliflower
Protects against prostate cancer
Combats breast cancer
Strengthens bones
Banishes bruises
Guards against heart disease
cherries
Protects your heart
Combats cancer
Ends insomnia
Slows aging process
Shields against Alzheimer's
chestnuts
Promotes weight loss
Protects your heart
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Controls blood pressure
chili peppers
Improves digestion
Soothes sore throat
Clears sinuses
Combats cancer
Boosts immune system
figs
Promotes weight loss
Helps stop strokes
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Controls blood pressure
fish
Protects your heart
Boosts memory
Protects your heart
Combats cancer
Supports immune system
flax
Improves digestion
Battles diabetes
Protects your heart
Improves mental health
Boosts immune system
garlic
Lowers cholesterol
Controls blood pressure
Combats cancer
Kills bacteria
Fights fungus
grapefruit
Protects against heart attacks
Helps stop strokes
Combats prostate cancer
Lowers cholesterol
grapes
Saves eyesight
Conquers kidney stones
Combats cancer
Enhances blood flow
Protects your heart
green tea
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Helps stop strokes
Promotes weight loss
Kills bacteria
honey
Heals wounds
Aids digestion
Guards against ulcers
Increases energy
Fights allergies
lemons
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin
Stops scurvy
limes
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin
Stops scurvy
mangoes
Combats cancer
Boosts memory
Regulates thyroid
Aids digestion
Shields against Alzheimer's
mushrooms
Controls blood pressure
Lowers cholesterol
Kills bacteria
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones
oats
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Battles diabetes
Prevents constipation
Smoothes skin
olive oil
Protects your heart
Promotes weight loss
Combats cancer
Battles diabetes
Smoothes skin
onions
Reduces risk of heart attack
Combats cancer
Kills bacteria
Lowers cholesterol
Fights fungus
oranges
Supports immune systems
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Strengthens respiration
Stops scurvy
peaches
Prevents constipation
Combats cancer
Helps stop strokes
Improves digestion
Helps hemorrhoids
peanuts
Protects against heart disease
Promotes weight loss
Combats Prostate Cancer
Lowers cholesterol
Aggravates diverticulitis
pineapple
Strengthens bones
Relieves colds
Dissolves warts
Blocks diarrhea
Stops scurvy
prunes
Slows aging process
Prevents constipation
Boosts memory
Lowers cholesterol
Protects against heart disease
rice
Protects your heart
Battles diabetes
Conquers kidney stones
Combats cancer
Helps stop strokes
strawberries
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Boosts memory
Calms stress
sweet potatoes
Saves your eyesight
Lifts mood
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones
tomatoes
Protects prostate
Combats cancer
Lowers cholesterol
Protects your heart
walnuts
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Boosts memory
Lifts mood
Protects against heart disease
water
Promotes weight loss
Combats cancer
Conquers kidney stones
Smoothes skin
watermelon
Protects prostate
Promotes weight loss
Lowers cholesterol
Helps stop strokes
Controls blood pressure
wheat germ
Combats colon cancer
Prevents constipation
Lowers cholesterol
Helps stop strokes
Improves digestion
wheat bran
Combats colon cancer
Prevents constipation
Lowers cholesterol
Helps stop strokes
Improves digestion
yogurt
Guards against ulcers
Strengthens bones
Lowers cholesterol
Supports immune systems
Improves digestion
Don't Take My Word For It
"When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, didn't work that way. So I stole one, and asked him to forgive me."
- Emo Philips -
"Contrary to common perception, Jewish anti-Zionism is not restricted exclusively to the well know Jewish anti-Zionist movements such as Satmar and Neturei Karta.
"There are in fact many Jewish movements, groups and organizations whose ideology regarding Zionism and the so-called 'State of Israel' is that of the unadulterated Torah position that any form of Zionism is heresy and that the existence of the so-called 'State of Israel' is illegitimate.
"No one has had to create any antagonism between our Torah and Zionism because such antagonism exists by virtue of the essence of Judaism itself, which can never tolerate the heresy of Zionism."
"In the end they will lay their freedom at our feet and say to us, 'Make us your slaves, but feed us.'" - Dostoevsky's Grand Inquisitor -
"The human brain should be used for processing, not storage."
- Thomas A. Kelly, Ph.D.: The Effective School Report -
"If it takes me 30 hours of preparation to make you a cupcake, is that complex or simple? The process of creation might be complex, but the result can still be simple, and vice-versa."
"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch."
- Orson Welles -
"Technology adds nothing to art. Two thousand years ago, I could tell you a story, and at any point during the story I could stop, and ask, Now do you want the hero to be kidnapped, or not? But that would, of course, have ruined the story. Part of the experience of being entertained is sitting back and plugging into someone else's vision."
- Penn Jillette -
"They are like Catholics and Protestants who simply worship the same deity, the same 'God', in a slightly different way using slightly different rituals. Just as Catholics and Protestants argue over how to worship the same God, so the 'left' and 'right' argue over how to worship the same system. And here's the key: both jump on anyone who genuinely challenges the system itself like those exposing the truth about 9/11.
"A Catholic and Protestant may be having an argument over Christianity, but as soon as a Jew or Muslim starts challenging Christianity itself the Catholic and Protestant will immediately forget their disagreements and join forces to defend it. That is precisely what happens with 'left,' and 'right,' when an outsider seeks to expose the system on which they both rely for their sense of who they are."
"Criticism - the most keen, ruthless and uncompromising criticism - should be directed, not against parliamentarianism or parliamentary activities, but against those leaders who are unable - and still more against those who are unwilling - to utilise parliamentary elections and the parliamentary rostrum in a revolutionary and communist manner. Only such criticism - combined, of course, with the dismissal of incapable leaders and their replacement by capable ones - will constitute useful and fruitful revolutionary work that will simultaneously train the 'leaders' to be worthy of the working class and of all working people, and train the masses to be able properly to understand the political situation and the often very complicated and intricate tasks that spring from that situation."
- Vladimir Lenin: Left-Wing Communism: an Infantile Disorder -
"In regards to Iraq being a potential threat to the United States, George W. Bush used 'worst case scenario' logic to convince the world that America had to take the most extreme measures available in order to eliminate this potential threat. This is a threat that showed no signs of existing, had no evidence to support its existence and claimed no lives at all!
"Bush's logic & exact words: 'We don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.'
"Contrarily, when it comes to Bush's logic on the potential threat posed by global warming Bush uses the 'best case scenario.'
"Bush's logic (in my words): 'We need many many more smoking guns in the form of funnel clouds and such before we address this potential threat!'
"In a flash, the blast incinerates air, sprays metal, burns flesh. Milliseconds after an improvised explosive device (IED) detonates, a blink after a mortar shell blows, an overpressurization wave engulfs the human body, and just as quickly, an underpressure wave follows and vanishes. Eardrums burst, bubbles appear in the bloodstream, the heart slows. A soldier - or a civilian - can survive the blast without a single penetrating wound and still receive the worst diagnosis: traumatic brain injury, or TBI, the signature injury of the Iraq War.
"But in the same instant that the blast unleashes chaos, it also activates the most organized and sophisticated trauma care in history. Within a matter of hours, a soldier can be medevaced to a state-of-the-art field hospital, placed on a flying intensive care unit, and receive continuous critical care a sea away. (During Vietnam, it took an average of 15 days to receive that level of treatment. Today the military can deliver it in 13 hours.) Heroic measures may be yielding unprecedented survival rates, but they also carry a grim consequence: No other war has created so many seriously disabled veterans. Soldiers are surviving some brain injuries with only their brain stems unimpaired."
"We don't recognize our collective madness because not only is it so pervasive, but because it is so overwhelmingly obvious. All we have to do to see the madness of our species is to open our eyes and look at what we are doing to each other, to the environment which we depend on for our survival, and to ourselves. What more evidence of a collective psychosis do we possibly need? We have become habituated to our collective madness, thinking of it as 'normal,' which is in and of itself an expression of our madness."
- Paul Levy -
"When the Founding Fathers crafted the U.S. Constitution, they wanted to be sure that the president, vice president, and other ranking officials could be evicted more easily than the British monarchy. To ensure that the process would be swift and certain, they made it simple: Only two conditions must be met. First, a majority of the House of Representatives must agree on a set of charges; then, two-thirds of the Senate must agree to convict. After that, there is no legal wrangling, no appeal to a higher authority, no reversal on technical grounds. There is not even a limit on what the charges may be. As the Constitution describes it, the cause may be treason, bribery, and other high crimes and misdemeanors, but even these were left deliberately vague; as Gerald Ford once pointed out while still serving in the House of Representatives, the only real definition of an impeachable offense is whatever a majority of the House of Representatives considers it to be at a given moment in history.
"To the credit of this nation, despite the relative ease of impeachment, only seventeen officials have sunk to such ignominious depths that the process has been invoked. The reasons for impeachment have ranged from the outrageous to the banal: from putting political enemies in jail (Judge James H. Peck, 1830) to cheating on taxes (Judge Harry E. Claiborne, 1986); from being rude to Congress - unmindful of the harmony and courtesies which ought to exist and be maintained between the executive and legislative branches, (President Andrew Johnson, 1868) to being a drunkard -a man of loose morals and intemperate habits, (Judge John Pickering, 1803). One president was even impeached for having the good taste to keep his sex life private - concealing the nature and details of his relationship with a subordinate Government employee, (President William Jefferson Clinton, 1998).
"In the case of George W. Bush, there may be any number of reasons not to add an eighteenth name to the list. These range from the moderate (that two consecutive presidential impeachments would do more harm than good to the nation) to the provocative (that while Bush has been wrong about a staggering number of issues, he is too hapless to be held accountable for it) to the pragmatic (that even if Bush were impeached, we would still be stuck with Vice President Cheney). There is even, for those inclined to such things, an argument by design: that the president is the president, and therefore God designed it that way.
"But none of these apply to Vice President Cheney, and not only because it was Cheney (and not God, or George W. Bush, or anybody else) who selected himself as vice president back in 2000. With Cheney, there are also no lingering questions about capacity, motive, or malice. Over the past six years, as the country has spiraled into military misadventure, fiscal madness, and environmental meltdown, the vice president has not merely been wrong about the issues; he has been duplicitous, deceitful, and deliberately destructive to the American democracy. These things can no longer be denied by rational minds."
"Delusional is far too mild a word to describe Cheney. Delusional doesn't begin to capture the profound, transcendental one-flew-over daftness of the man. Has anyone in the history of the United States ever been so singularly wrong and misguided about such phenomenally important events and continued to insist he's right in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary?" - Maureen Dowd: Daffy Does Doom -
"The call for Rainbow Solidarity for the Cuban Five has not received one word of big-business media coverage--print or electronic.
"The call first went out in January, from a multi-national and multi-lingual group of U.S.-based lesbian, gay, bi and trans activists, to build solidarity with these five political prisoners - Gerardo Hernandez, Antonio Guerrero, Ramón Labaino, Fernando Gonzalez, and Ren Gonzalez. They are serving long sentences in U.S. penitentiaries for the crime of infiltrating CIA-backed fascist commando groups in order to halt terror attacks against Cuba from U.S. soil.
"The Rainbow Solidarity for the Cuban Five call demands a new trial and freedom for these political prisoners, defense of Cuban sovereignty and self-determination and a halt to the illegal U.S. acts of war against Cuba - including the economic blockade and CIA-trained, funded and armed attacks by mercenary contra armies operating from this country."
"[T]he Plasma Converter stands in the center of the room. The entire thing takes up about as much space as a two-car garage, surprisingly compact for a machine that can consume nearly any type of waste - from dirty diapers to chemical weapons - by annihilating toxic materials in a process as old as the universe itself. Called plasma gasification, it works a little like the big bang, only backward (you get nothing from something). Inside a sealed vessel made of stainless steel and filled with a stable gas - either pure nitrogen or, as in this case, ordinary air - a 650-volt current passing between two electrodes rips electrons from the air, converting the gas into plasma. Current flows continuously through this newly formed plasma, creating a field of extremely intense energy very much like lightning. The radiant energy of the plasma arc is so powerful, it disintegrates trash into its constituent elements by tearing apart molecular bonds. The system is capable of breaking down pretty much anything except nuclear waste, the isotopes of which are indestructible. The only by-products are an obsidian-like glass used as a raw material for numerous applications, including bathroom tiles and high-strength asphalt, and a synthesis gas, or syngas - a mixture of primarily hydrogen and carbon monoxide that can be converted into a variety of marketable fuels, including ethanol, natural gas and hydrogen.
"Perhaps the most amazing part of the process is that its self-sustaining. Just like your toaster, Startechs Plasma Converter draws its power from the electrical grid to get started. The initial voltage is about equal to the zap from a police stun gun. But once the cycle is under way, the 2,200F syngas is fed into a cooling system, generating steam that drives turbines to produce electricity. About two thirds of the power is siphoned off to run the converter; the rest can be used on-site for heating or electricity, or sold back to the utility grid...
"Someday very soon, cities might actually make money from garbage."
"Well-trained citizens scoff at the idea that anyone ever conspires to do anything, even though the US government charges people with 'conspiracy' all the time."
Disinfotainment Today is apparently for free and seems to appear weekly. Go ahead, reproduce it daily, I dare you. Go ye forth and cut and paste and see where it gets you. Disinfotainment Today consists of information from oodles of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and trod upon, just like my life, just like yours, just like America. Everything is everywhere, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice, unless you like it, in which case good for me. If you see something that you feel should be attributed to you, or if you think I actually OWE you anything, please accept the fact that much of everything that everybody does is unacknowledgeable, and if everyone had to seek permission from all their influences, artistic progress would grind to a standstill. Legally, it's either satire or fair use, but should you be thinking of suing me over something, you should know it wasn't actually me who did it, it was someone else, unless you're Bill Hicks, in which case you're dead so what difference does it make?
I apologize for not being more specific about The Secret. It is a book…not a movie…to my knowledge.
I caught the tail end of a discussion regarding the book on Oprah and decided to buy it. I was quite surprised to learn what "the secret" is…that you attract what you think about, so if you want a mansion on the ocean…just attract it and you will have it.
Now, I'm all for positive thinking, but a true test of this theory would be to teach it in Darfur or Iraq rather than the USA, where greedy bastards already abound.
Then, I received an e-mail from Leslie M. who states that she is practicing "the secret." I put the book down to read a Truman Capote bio and perhaps I should finish The Secret because I judged too harshly, but I do know that when I am fighting depression, I am not always responsible for my thoughts. Truman rocks, by the way.
Later,
Willow
Thanks, Willow!
You attract what you think of? Sounds pretty magical to me.
Does that mean no one in a concentration camp wanted to be free?
How about amputees? Will they be able to attract a replacement appendage?
Poor Les.
Maybe that's why that train wrecked - the engineer didn't want it to stay on the tracks enough.
As to Oprah, I wonder who convinced her to tart herself up with troweled-on makeup & more sets of fake eyelashes than a dozen
Liza Minnelli impersonators?
Maybe she's trying to attract more cross-dressers.
Some fans clamor for Gore sequel, but he says no (usatoday.com)
Al Gore has had a heartwarming February: a big night at the Academy Awards, a Nobel Peace Prize nomination and former president Jimmy Carter's endorsement for the 2008 presidential campaign.
Andrew Tobias: THE WORD FROM WYOMING (andrewtobias.com)
Dan Zwonitzer is a Republican state representative from Wyoming ("the equality state"). In the debate on a bill over whether to recognize marriages performed in other states, he recently rose to say: "It is an exciting time to be in the legislature while this issue is being debated. I believe this is the Civil Rights struggle of my generation."
Poor Elijah (Peter Berger): The Land of iPods and Honey (irascibleprofessor.com)
It's a critical moment for American education. The Democrats are taking their turn banging the gavels in Congress, No Child Left Behind, the President's landmark testing fiasco, is up for renewal, and it's the twenty-first century. Of course, it's been the twenty-first century for seven years now, and in education circles it was almost the twenty-first century for at least the last two decades of the twentieth, but when you're hyping education reform, it's always a good tactic to remind everybody what time it is.
Roger Ebert: Watching the Oscars with Ebert (rogerebert.suntimes.com)
It was the most elegant and somehow gentle Oscarcast I can remember, unfolding smoothly with well-chosen words, original production ideas (the segment for the adapted and original screenplay categories was brilliant), and host Ellen DeGeneres finding the right mood and pace to weave it all together. There was a lot of humor, but none of it breaking out of the comfortable, family feeling. But as in previous years, it was long.
Sara Smith: MP3's killed the record store star (The Other Paper; posted on athensnews.com)
They're the guys who can tell you which Bob Dylan album influenced Thom Yorke's new EP and explain why you need to like Arcade Fire's first disc. They are the gurus of independent campus record stores, and they have made music snobbery a career. It's hard to picture them doing anything other than leaning knowingly against a rack of CDs and pontificating on the latest Earwig release.
David Bruce: Wise Up: Children (athensnews.com)
Big, fat, important announcement: This is Wise Up! column number 550!
* Growing up with two totally blind parents can lead to odd situations. For example, Etta Reid decided that her sighted daughter, Julie, needed a bra after grabbing her when she was around 11 and feeling her breasts. Back then, Julie was horribly embarrassed, but today she thinks it's funny.
Purple Gene's early review of the "Lost Tomb of Jesus" Premiering Sunday March 4th, 2007 on the Discovery Channel and Directed by James Cameron:
WHAT WILL JAMES CAMERON FIND IN THE LOST TOMB OF JESUS ? view clip
I guess I've lived long enough to remember………………
TONIGHT GERALDO RIVERA WILL SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF AL CAPONE'S VAULT ! view clip
It was barely 20 years ago that the mustachioed and muy macho Geraldo held the world in his mesmerizing bravado as he promised to open live on National Television the heretofore unknown secret vault suspected hold the hidden secrets of the famous bootlegger.
This Sunday, we will again get to see the TV ratings go through the roof, incense the whole Christian community and sell a lot of advertising minutes……to see James Cameron's Earth shaking discovery……
It's too bad that Cameron didn't put down a bet like Rivera did……Geraldo, upon discovering a pile of dirt and an empty bottle of bathtub gin, sang a song to the camera!
What will James do after his elaborate excavation turns out to be a hoax….sing "My Heart will go On" ?
Purple Gene give a "The Lost Tomb of Jesus" 2 time wasting archeological thumbs down out of 10 for be another fake and phony hyped up let down! It does my heart good to see how much it pisses off the crazy Christians though !
CBS starts the night with a FRESH'Jericho', followed by a FRESH'Criminal Minds', then a FRESH'CSI: The 3rd One'.
Scheduled on a FRESHDave is Sen. John McCain.
Scheduled on a FRESHCraig are Billy Connolly, Tricia Helfer, and Blake Shelton.
NBC opens the night with a FRESH'Friday Night Lights', followed by a FRESH'Deal Or No Deal', then a FRESH'Medium'.
Scheduled on a FRESHLeno are Tim Allen, Hollywood Animals, and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
Scheduled on a FRESHConan are Larry King, Izabel Goulart, and "Biscuit Lady" Carol Fay.
Scheduled on a FRESHCarson Daly are Anthony Anderson and Silversun Pickups.
ABC begins the night with a FRESH'Jim', followed by a FRESH'In Case Of Emergency', then a RERUN of last week's 'Lost' followed by a FRESH'Lost'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJimmy Kimmel are LL Cool J and Ricky Jay.
The CW offers the SEASON PREMIERE'America's Next Top Model'.
Faux has a FRESH'American Idol', followed by a FRESH'Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?'.
MY has a FRESH'Wicked Wicked Games', followed by a FRESH'Watch Over Me'.
A&E has 'CSI: The 2nd One', another 'CSI: The 2nd One', 'The Sopranos', and more 'The Sopranos'.
AMC offers the movie 'A Bronx Tale', followed by the movie 'Ladder 49', then the movie 'Boiling Point'.
BBC -
[1:00 PM] As Time Goes By - Episode 5;
[1:40 PM] Are You Being Served? - Ep. 5: Fifty Years On;
[2:20 PM] Keeping Up Appearances - Episode 8;
[3:00 PM] The Benny Hill Show - Episode 52;
[4:00 PM] The Saint - Ep. 6 The Master Plan;
[5:00 PM] The Avengers - Ep. 15 The Joker;
[6:00 PM] BBC World News - BBC World News;
[6:30 PM] Cash in the Attic - Ep. 8 Anthony;
[7:00 PM] Cash in the Attic - Ep 16 Panter;
[8:00 PM] Whose Line Is It Anyway? - Episode 10;
[8:30 PM] Whose Line Is It Anyway? - Episode 16;
[9:00 PM] Cash in the Attic;
[9:30 PM] Cash in the Attic;
[10:00 PM] Cash in the Attic;
[11:00 PM] Whose Line Is It Anyway? - Episode 19;
[11:30 PM] Whose Line Is It Anyway? - Episode 1;
[12:00 AM] The Benny Hill Show - Episode 51;
[1:00 AM] Cash in the Attic;
[1:30 AM] Cash in the Attic;
[2:00 AM] Cash in the Attic;
[3:00 AM] Trust Me, I'm a Teenager - Ep 1 The Nevilles;
[4:00 AM] Trust Me, I'm a Teenager - Ep 2 The Rainbows;
[5:00 AM] Trust Me, I'm a Teenager - Ep 3 The Osbournes;
[6:00 AM] BBC World News - BBC World News. (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'Project Runway', 'Top Design', another 'Top Design', and still another 'Top Design'.
Comedy Central has 'Scrubs', another 'Scrubs', last night's 'Jon Stewart', last night's 'Colbert Report', 'Chappelle's Show', 'South Park', another 'South Park', and 'Maked Trucker'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJon Stewart is Jake Gyllenhaal.
Scheduled on a FRESHColbert Report is Nina Jablonski.
FX has the movie '13 Going On 30', followed by the movie 'Shallow Hal', then the movie 'Shallow Hal', again.
IFC -
[06:10 AM] Rank;
[07:50 AM] Media Lab Shorts Uploaded;
[08:15 AM] My Son the Fanatic;
[09:45 AM] The Gods Must Be Crazy;
[11:40 AM] No Telling;
[01:20 PM] My Son the Fanatic;
[02:55 PM] The Gods Must Be Crazy;
[04:50 PM] No Telling;
[05:45 PM] Frazetta: Painting with Fire;
[06:30 PM] 2007 Independent Spirit Awards;
[08:45 PM] Greg the Bunny: The Passion of the Easter Bunny: Fabricated American Movie;
[09:00 PM] Lost Highway;
[11:20 PM] Never Die Alone;
[01:00 AM] Lost Highway;
[03:20 AM] Never Die Alone;
[05:00 AM] The Dancer Upstairs. (ALL TIMES EST)
Sundance -
[06:00 AM] La Vie Promise;
[07:30 AM] My Dad is 100 Years Old;
[08:00 AM] Reconstruction;
[09:30 AM] Embedded;
[11:15 AM] Childstar;
[01:00 PM] Love, Ludlow;
[02:30 PM] The Hero (O Heroi);
[04:15 PM] Look Both Ways;
[06:00 PM] Slings & Arrows - Season 3: Episode 2: Vex Not His Ghost;
[07:00 PM] IN SHORT: The Art of Seduction;
[07:30 PM] Following;
[08:45 PM] Stronger;
[09:00 PM] One Punk Under God: Episode 6;
[09:30 PM] Sea Horses;
[10:00 PM] Stryker;
[11:35 PM] My Dad is 100 Years Old;
[12:00 AM] One Punk Under God: Episode 6;
[12:30 AM] The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello;
[01:00 AM] Iconoclasts Season 2: Episode 6: Dave Chappelle + Maya Angelou;
[01:45 AM] Mon Ange;
[03:15 AM] Whatever Happened to Harold Smith?;
[05:00 AM] Look Both Ways. (ALL TIMES EST)
Debbie Harry, left and Ray Davies perform during the Tibet House U.S. Benefit Concert, Monday, Feb. 26, 2007 at Carnegie Hall in New York.
Photo by Stephen Chernin
Hollywood actress Scarlett Johansson won praise from British-based international aid agency Oxfam Tuesday for missing the Oscars to tour their projects in India and Sri Lanka.
The "Lost in Translation" star, 22, is currently on a 10-day visit to the sub-continent and has seen an Oxfam-funded school in the north Indian state of Uttar Pradesh, set up to educate children from the "untouchable" Dalit caste.
She has also seen healthcare projects and one helping Indian women who have endured domestic violence and travelled to Sri Lanka to see how the charity is helping in reconstruction projects after the 2004 tsunami, Oxfam said.
A red carpet fit for a queen was laid out Tuesday for Hollywood icon Elizabeth Taylor, who was to celebrate her 75th birthday at a party at a Lake Las Vegas resort.
"Family and friends" of Taylor booked the Medici Cafe and Terrace for the closed party at the Ritz-Carlton, hotel spokeswoman Marina Nicola said.
The Academy Award-winning actress, who uses a wheelchair because of back problems, last year dismissed tabloid reports that she was being treated for early Alzheimer's disease or was gravely ill.
A new first class U.S. Postal Service stamp commemorating singer Ella Fitzgerald is displayed, Tuesday, Feb., 27, 2007, during the unveiling of the stamp at Roxbury Community College in Boston. The Postal Service honors Ella Fitzgerald as the 30th inductee into its Black Heritage stamp series. Fitzgerald (1917-1996) was widely known as 'The First Lady of Song.'
Photo by Chitose Suzuki
MyNetworkTV said Monday it has secured exclusive rights to broadcast Elton John's 60th birthday concert, which will take place March 25 at Madison Square Garden.
"Happy Birthday Elton" will air on Fox's struggling alternative primetime network on April 5. The special will feature John's record-breaking 60th concert at the famed New York venue as well as celebrity interviews.
The Mexican writing-directing team behind the Oscar-nominated film "Babel" has broken up after each accused the other of trying to steal the spotlight.
Director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu and writer Guillermo Arriaga have gained worldwide success with three movies illustrating the connections between wildly disparate locations and characters, including "Amores Perros," "21 Grams" and "Babel."
But now it seems the show is over: Gonzalez Inarritu and other "Babel" cast members, including Mexican actors Gael Garcia Bernal and Adriana Barraza and Argentine composer Gustavo Santaolalla, signed a letter criticizing Arriaga for "claiming media attention."
Cartoon Network has bought the Japanese anime series "Blood+" for its Adult Swim latenight programming block.
The half-hour series, which has been dubbed into English, will air Saturdays, beginning March 10. The deal with distributor Sony Pictures Television covers 50 episodes.
It is based on the 2000 hit Japanese anime film "Blood: The Last Vampire," which also is being adapted into a live-action film by Hong Kong filmmaker Ronny Yu ("Jet Li's Fearless").
The Cat In The Hat leads a parade at Universal Orlando Resort in Orlando, Florida, February 27, 2007, to celebrate his 50th birthday.
Photo by Kevin Kolczynski
In a reversal of the trend of distributing branded TV programming to the Internet, Comedy Central is bringing original Web programming to late-night television viewers, the cable network said Monday.
Dubbed "Web Shows," the half-hour weekly series, which will air at 2 a.m. ET/PT and premiere Monday, will include a mix of animation, live-action narrative and comedy programming from Comedy Central's Web site, Motherload. The network has ordered six episodes.
The programming block will also feature the AtomFilms webisode "The Punk Group: Fat Girls on Bicycles," marking the first collaboration between the network and the short-film Web destination that its MTV Networks parent acquired in August.
Sony BMG has withdrawn a Deep Purple album after complaints from lead singer Ian Gillan that it had been released without his knowledge, a spokesman for the label said on Tuesday.
He said the company had distributed about 2,000 copies of the recording of the rock band's live concert in the English city of Birmingham in 1993 in a small-scale re-release.
Gillan told the BBC earlier on Tuesday that tensions within the band had led to a performance in Birmingham which he described as "awful."
Back in December of 2005 with the White House coming under increasing criticism for its secrecy, resident George W. Bush ordered federal agencies to speed up their responses to requests under the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA).
The study by the Coalition of Journalists for Open Government concludes the Bush directive did nothing to speed up responses by agencies that have been systematically cutting back the personnel assigned to FOIA work, even as backlogs of requests grow and the cost of fulfilling requests increases.
One of the biggest problem is the growing backlog of requests. In 2005, the overall backlog was a record 31% of the requests, a percentage that was 138% above the 1998 level. And the agencies that have so far reported 2006 results are showing an even higher average backlog, the coalition said.
In this handout photo, a picture shows what remains of the art work 'Relativ verdi' - (Relative value) by Norwegian artist Jan Christensen. Christensen created a work he called 'Relative Value' by pasting bills worth $16,300 on a sprawling 7-by-13 foot canvas. It also caught the eye of thieves, who smashed a window into the gallery late Sunday and made off with the cash-laden canvas, police said.
Photo by Kristin Nordhoy
CanWest Global Communications Corp., Canada's biggest media company, has bought complete ownership of The New Republic, the 93-year-old U.S. political magazine, it said on Tuesday.
CanWest, which owns a chain of Canadian daily newspapers and has radio and television operations in Canada, Australia and New Zealand, did not disclose the purchase price. It already owned 30 percent of the magazine after buying the stake last year.
Winnipeg, Manitoba-based CanWest said The New Republic and its Web site are "currently undergoing a major overhaul," including changes to how often it publishes, bigger issues and a redesign.
In this undated digitally altered image provided by the Topps baseball card company President Bush smiles and waves from the stands, right, and Mickey Mantle looks on from the dugout at left, as Derek Jeter swings his bat. A spokesperson for the Topps company said that somewhere between the final proofing of the card and its printing - when it was too late to stop it - someone within the company played a joke and inserted Bush and Mantle into the photograph.
British pianist Joyce Hatto, hailed after her death as a neglected genius, owed her reputation to performances stolen from other artists, her husband has admitted, saying he was desperate to have her life end "on a high note."
Hatto ceased to play in public in 1975, achieving only a modest reputation and collecting mixed reviews. But after she died last year at age 77, obituaries hailed her as a keyboard prodigy who left a brilliant legacy in more than 100 CDs produced by her husband, William Barrington-Coupe, on his Concert Artists label.
That reputation collapsed after Gramophone, a British music magazine, reported earlier this month that at least one Hatto CD recording, Franz Liszt's "Transcendental Etudes," was actually a release by pianist Laszlo Simon.
Prime-time viewership numbers compiled by Nielsen Media Research for Feb. 19-25. Listings include the week's ranking, with viewership for the week and season-to-date rankings in parentheses. An "X" in parentheses denotes a one-time-only presentation.
1. (X) " Academy Awards," ABC, 40.17 million viewers.
2. (2) "American Idol" (Wednesday), Fox, 30.46 million viewers.
3. (1) "American Idol" (Tuesday), Fox, 29.53 million viewers.
4. (5) "Grey's Anatomy," ABC, 27.39 million viewers.
5. (X) "Road to the Oscars," ABC, 27.1 million viewers.
6. (X) "American Idol" (Thursday), Fox, 24.44 million viewers.
7. (3) "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," CBS, 21.78 million viewers.
8. (9) "CSI: Miami," CBS, 19.23 million viewers.
9. (12) "Deal Or No Deal" (Monday), NBC, 17.62 million viewers.
10. (15) "Two and a Half Men," CBS, 16.56 million viewers.
11. (X) " Oprah Winfrey Oscar Special," ABC, 15.45 million viewers.
12. (17) "NCIS," CBS, 15.41 million viewers.
13. (X) "Barbara Walters Special," ABC, 14.54 million viewers.
14. (26) "Shark," CBS, 14.19 million viewers.
15. (17) "Heroes," NBC, 14.06 million viewers.
16. (24) "Rules of Engagement," CBS, 13.86 million viewers.
17. (17) "Criminal Minds," CBS, 13.7 million viewers.
18. (17) "CSI: NY," CBS, 13.68 million viewers.
19. (14) "Survivor: Fiji," CBS, 13.47 million viewers.
20. (16) "24," Fox, 13.05 million viewers.
Koala 'Chumbee' is held by an animal keeper at Vienna's Schoenbrunn zoo February 27, 2007. Chumbee is a 6-year old male Koala and came from Edinburgh Zoo to mate with Vienna's female.
Photo by Herwig Prammer
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