Bartcop Entertainment - Tuesday, 24 September, 2002
Tuesday
24 September, 2002
(Updated Daily)
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Issue #21
Disinfotainment Today
By Michael Dare
"All Rights Reserved and All Wrongs Avenged"
ISSUE #21
is brought to you by
BELIEVE IT OR ELSE
A Great Big Smooshy Kiss
I'd like to sincerely thank all the people who sent me all those "never forget" e-mails because I had plumb forgotten all about it. I was just going to stay home on 9/11 and jerk off to Katie Couric when I found out she was preempted by some sort of ceremony in New York. I had forgotten what it was about until all those e-mails with American flags and crying eagles reminded me. Thanks again.
You Were Expecting Finnegan's Wake?
Downloaded MP3s of Metallica?
Three minutes are missing from the cockpit tapes of flight 93.
Small Favors
U.S. warplanes patrolling the no-fly zones over Iraq have already been ordered not to bomb certain units thought to be ready to switch sides.
Blame Bush
220,000 American women got breast implants last year,
Online Animated Film of the Week
Thank God the Feds are out there protecting us from
this.
Flash Video of the Week
Obscene MP3 of the Week
Minus 1, If You Count George W
According to
The Law of Accelerating Returns by Ray Kurtzweil, if the computational power of PCs keeps doubling every year, as it is now, by the year 2023, a $1,000 machine will have the computational power of the human brain, and by the year 2049, the computational power of every brain on earth.
Got High Bandwidth?
Politically Incorrect Message of the Week
Lawsuit of the Week
We've all heard about the families who are suing bin Laden's family business, members of the Saudi Arabian royal family, and the nation of Sudan for their involvement in 9/11, but for some reason no one's reporting about the second group of families who are suing President Bush, Vice President Cheney, National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Norman Mineta for the exact same thing. Go
here and scroll down to "A Tale of Two Lawsuits."
Proof That Two People Can Look at the Exact Same Thing
and See Something Completely Different
You've already seen them, but
here are videos of the collapse. From the site: "Take a close look at the manner in which it collapses straight down. For this building to collapse in this fashion, ALL of the load bearing supports would have had to fail (or be cut) at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME. Think this happens by chance? The claim that the collapse was the result of a fire requires the fire be equally distributed throughout the entire floor of the building, providing equal heat for an equal amount of time, so that all the load bearings members would fail at the exact same moment."
Good Idea of the Week
Correcting the sin of omission,
FilthyFlicks adds extra sex, nudity, profanity or extreme violence to your favorite screen gems.
Memo To Rush Limbaugh
Thanks for telling us that those five suspected terrorists were registered Democrats. Now explain why David Westerfield, who was just convicted of kidnapping and murdering 7-year-old Danielle van Dam, is a
registered Republican.
Not to Make You REALLY Paranoid but...
Does Alice Know About This?
The first
private Moon landing has been given the green light by the US Government, though why exactly someone would need permission from the US Government to go to the moon isn't particularly clear. In any case, you don't have to go yourself. For a mere $2,500 per gram, you can send any article you want to the lunar surface, green cheese, sperm, episodes of
The Honeymooners, you name it.
Wacko Theory of the Week
The reason Bush takes all those "vacations" is because his communications in the White House are monitored. At his ranch he's free to make his phone calls to Saddam Hussein planning out the course of the war, and how Hussein will escape, without fear of being overheard.
Joke from Planet Proctor
A first grade teacher gave each of her students the first half of a popular proverb and asked them to come up with the rest:
Better to be safe than......................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the ...........................bug is close.
It's always darkest before..................Daylight Savings Time.
Never underestimate the power of............termites.
You can lead a horse to water but...........how?
Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.
No news is..................................impossible.
A miss is as good as a......................Mister
You can't teach an old dog new..............math.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the................pigs.
An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.
Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is............................not much.
Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to
bed.
Laugh & the whole world laughs with you, cry &......you have to
blow your nose.
There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.
You get out of something only what you......see in the picture on
the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way.
And -- Better late than ..........................pregnant.
Time Waster of the Week
Insane E-mail of the Week
Ladies and Gentlemen of the International Community:
I speak to you today of a grave threat to the international order and peace. There is a nation among us that is an immediate danger to us all, requiring immediate action by all peace-loving countries that believe in the rule of law.
We are dealing with a nation that routinely thwarts the will of the international community; it has both possession of and continues to seek further weapons of mass destruction, including nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons despite international laws and treaties prohibiting it.
This country has shown itself to be a belligerent force, invading sovereign nations it does not approve of with impunity and in violation of international laws and consensus. It uses its military solely to further its power over oil.
It has shown complete disregard for the safety of the international community by overthrowing legitimate governments, supporting and arming dictators, and murdering civilians by the millions.
Thousands of dissidents have disappeared in its jails without legal recourse, in contradiction to the words and spirit of its own Constitution and Bill of Rights.
It destroys its own natural resources and contributes to massive environmental destruction worldwide, while using its military force to squelch opposition to its policies.
This country has a long history of brutality and disrespect of civil rights and international law. The list of UN resolutions that it has ignored or sabotaged is nearly endless. It uses its power in the UN to aid its allies and punish its ideological adversaries with no regard for what is right, true, ethical, or in the best interests of the greater good. Even now it threatens to act with unilateral violence if the UN fails to take action it wants.
A government like this has no place in the international community.
It is for all these reasons that I call on you today to foment regime change in the United States by any means necessary. In the years to come, your actions will go down in history as a courageous people acting the interest of the world to ensure peace.
If you fail to act, the consequences are enormous, and will lead to an ever-increasing cycle of violence, and the end of peace on this planet as we know it, making the 3037 who died on September 11th appear a small tragedy in comparison.
Act now, act decisively, and act effectively.
Dear Dr. Hollywood,
I had begun a stage musical based on a certain singer's music. She is a huge star, but seems accessible (not Hollywood), so I shifted gears using some of the material I'd started, researched and wrote my first real screenplay, based on the artists' song that, in an interview, she said she thought would be a great TV movie. I FedEx'ed the script, with cover letter and my resume to the star. Did I do wrong? Or am I brazenly ignorant? Or both? What do I do now? Follow up letter? Phone call? Agent? HELP!!! (I'm not really this desperate, just overly dramatic.)
Robert
Robert,
Thank you for braving time and space to contact me.
I once wrote a script for Hal Ashby. Didn't know the guy from Adam, just knew my script was for him. Didn't have his address either, but knew he lived in the Malibu Colony, so I mailed it to Hal Ashby, Malibu Colony, CA, and waited. One week, nothing. Two weeks, nothing. Three weeks, I was so frustrated I sat at my piano and wrote a song about my frustration and how hard it was to put a movie together. The chorus was "Another Roadside Attraction, another snowball in hell, Another Roadside Attraction, another film that might sell." I taped it and mailed it to Hal.
The next day the phone rang. It was Hal Ashby. He had picked up his mail on the way to work and was sitting in the back of the limo when my tape fell out of the envelope. He put it on and laughed his ass off. Couldn't stop listening all the way to the studio. He wanted to meet me but his schedule was full. I'd hear back. About a month later I was sitting on a balcony overlooking the Pacific Ocean sharing drinks and a joint with Hal, talking about how we were going to make that movie.
So it can happen, though I had several things working in my favor. My script was based upon a book that Hal had already read and loved. I actually owned the rights to the book, so if anybody wanted to make a movie out of that book, they had to come to me. Hal was an artist who directed scripts written by other people. I gave him a script written by me. I gave him what he was looking for.
That's the good news.
Giving a script to a rock star because it's based upon one of their songs is a whole other animal. Rock stars surround themselves with people specifically hired to keep people like you away. A package from a stranger will be treated like it's got anthrax, especially once they find out it's got a script in it. If that rock star gets anywhere near the script, they are THIS close to having to appear in court to testify that they never read it. They can't read scripts sent to them by strangers any more than they can listen to songs sent to them by strangers. They don't want to be sued by a songwriter claiming they sent them a tape of a song with a chorus that resembles one of theirs, and they certainly don't want to be sued by a screenwriter claiming that a film based upon one of their own songs has scenes in it that he thought of first and he can prove it.
They're a big star? They've probably got a production company or are the head of a corporation. That means they've got employees whose job it is to make film deals. If you had an idea for a computer game, would you drop it off at Bill Gates' doorstep or submit it to his computer gaming department? If they say no, you think he'd say yes? Channels are important. Nobody likes anyone going over their head.
If the song has cinematic potential, they're already working on it. They've already made, or at least brainstormed, the video. They've already got a writer working for them. They're already coming up with ideas that you've probably already come up with yourself. Ideas that are in your script that they don't want to get sued for if they use them. You're like that guy who wrote me about the incredible script he had written based upon Lord of the Rings and how pissed he was that Peter Jackson refused to read it. You're a lawsuit waiting to happen. You not only won't hear back from them, you've put them in a position where they are STRICTLY FORBIDDEN from responding since that would be admitting they know you exist. You're not offering them something they're looking for, you're offering them something they're avoiding.
Here's how you make a movie out of a song. You call the publishers and tell them you're interested in the screen rights to the song. They will put you in contact with whoever controls those rights. If it's a production company, if it's the artist's manager, whoever it is, you call them
and ask what they're doing with the song, filmwise. If they say they're producing it themselves and they're looking for a writer, Bingo, you've got something they're looking for. If they say "nothing," Bingo, that means the rights are available. Maybe they'll give you a free option as long as they own a piece of the script. In any case, writing a script based upon ANYTHING you don't own the rights to is suicide. The first thing anyone asks when you give it to them is "Do you have the rights?" If the answer's no, you're history.
There's only one thing you can do. Use search and replace and change absolutely everything in your script that even slightly resembles the song so THEY don't sue YOU. Change every name and every location. See if it stands on its own merits. If you can sell it just because it's good, not because it's based on a hit song, then at some point you can mention to the producers, "Hey, why don't we get the rights to this song? It'll work perfectly."
MD
"In L.A. a rose is not just a rose. To make it in L.A., a rose has to be hot. A rose has to be happening. A rose has to open wide. A rose has to deny it's leaving CAA to sign with Michael Ovitz. A rose has to set up a deal at Dreamworks."
- Larry Gelbart -
WHO'S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?
September 23, 2002
UNDO THE COUP
CARTOON FROM HELL
PRESUMABLY IN HELLVETICA
One mosque in Baghdad houses a 605-page Koran that Iraqi officials say was written with 50 pints of Saddam Hussein's blood.
HISTORY LESSONS FROM HELL
During the Gulf War of 1991, twice as many people were accidentally suffocated while wearing the gas masks issued to protect against a feared chemical attack than were killed by actual Scud attacks.
"The obsession with Israel, to which some Arab states have sacrificed their own better interests, is not entirely rooted in greed for the territory of Israel. That is scarcely one-half of one percent of the vast lands that have been granted to Arab rulers since the end of World War I. It cannot be over 'occupation' of Judea and Samaria (West Bank) or 'rights of the Palestinians' for those were not invented until 1967, after the loss of a major war of aggression against Israel.
Nor is this obsession entirely derived from the doctrine of wakf - the doctrine that any land once conquered by Islam can never be relinquished. There are few, if any, expressions of determination to reconquer Spain, Portugal, Sicily, Greece and the Balkans, though all of them were for centuries been under Muslim rule.
"The singular component of the obsession, not found in any other political or territorial dispute, is that Israel is Jewish and the bulk of Israelis are Jews. For more than 1300 years, the doctrine, tradition and practice of the Muslim world has been: -- to keep Jews to subjugation and servitude, so it is intolerable that they should live in independence and freedom."
APOLOGY FROM HELL
"I've got no talent,
I just won an Emmy,
and I'm fucking Brad Pitt.
Sorry about that."
- Jennifer (soon to be in another pit altogether) Aniston -
SATAN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW
QUIZ FROM HELL
Iraq will not allow United Nations weapons inspectors into Saddam Hussein's presidential palaces until...
a) the United States allows United Nations weapons inspectors into George W. Bush's vacation homes.
b) Pauly Shore wins an Oscar.
Essay question: What's the difference between what we're about to do to Iraq and what Iraq did to Kuwait?
QUOTES FROM
HELL
"People demand freedom of speech to make up for
the freedom of thought which they avoid."
- Kierkegaard -
"Let us show, not merely in great crises, but in every day affairs of life, qualities of practical intelligence, of hardihood and endurance, and above all, the power of devotion to a lofty ideal."
- Theodore Roosevelt -
"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."
- e.e. cummings -
"Was Daniel Pearl
poking into things he shouldn't have? Pearl may have been investigating the 9-11 money trail. I firmly believe he was 'offed' by ISI operatives, and, in my opinion, with the full consent of the CIA...he must have been getting
far too close to the truth."
- R.B. Ham -
"It is not the function of the government to keep the citizen from falling into error; it is the function of the citizen to keep the government from falling into error."
- U.S. Supreme Court Justice Robert H. Parker, Chief Prosecutor for the United States of America at the Nuremberg Trials -
"The administration has denied lawmakers investigating the Sept. 11 attacks permission to reveal whether the president or other White House staff received warning of potential terrorist attacks against the United States, including plans by al Qaida linked terrorists to use hijacked planes as weapons."
"The United States' aim of attacking Iraq is not to rescue people, but is to have access to its resources, especially energy."
- Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani, former president of Iran -
"Americans really do believe their country is better than anything else; that America is entitled to as much of the resources and riches of the planet as it wants and it doesn't matter whomever else might have to suffer or go short; that all other nations are enemies if they don't march to the American drum in virtually any arena you might care to mention; that it has the right, indeed the obligation, to enforce its will wherever it sees fit by whatever means it wants; that it has the right to invade sovereign nations as a way of deflecting attention from some domestic political scandal or if there is some neat new weapon that really needs a good field testing; that killing of foreign civilians doesn't really count because they're always in season and there's no quota; that somehow a bullet-ridden and trigger-happy American society is in every way superior to any other place on earth."
-
Paul Harris -
"A civilian gang of thieving lobbyists for the military industrial complex is running the White House. If to be against them is considered unpatriotic, hell, then call me a traitor."
- Hunter S. Thompson, 8/30/02, ABC Radio Network -
"Governor Bush said he was 'proud of the interaction between law enforcement agencies.' Perhaps the real lesson to be learned is that our efficient law enforcement agencies apprehended the culprits after
only 15 hours and 700 miles had elapsed. They certainly showed how
easily they could be sent on a wild goose chase. A terrorist could
send a couple of dupes into a Georgia restaurant to whisper about a
hit going down in Miami. The FBI, et al, descends on Miami while the
terrorists strike New York or San Francisco. This is a scene that
could be played out all over the country. I hope the real evildoers
weren't taking notes."
- Raff Ellis on the terrorist attack in Georgia -
"The US has the Central Intelligence Agency, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the National Security Agency, the Defense Intelligence Agency, the National Reconnaissance Office, the Secret Service, and a host of other intelligence and security agencies. These agencies employ Echelon, which monitors the majority of electronic communication in the world; Carnivore, which intercepts email; Tempest, a technology that can read a computer monitor's display from over a block away; Keyhole satellites that have a resolution of four inches; and other spy technologies, probably most of which we don't know about. In 2001, the US spent $30 billion on intelligence gathering and an additional $12 billion on counterterrorism. With all of these resources, and more, we're supposed to believe that the government didn't have the slightest inkling that terrorists were planning to attack the United States, much less hijack planes and send them careening into major landmarks."
- Russ Kick -
"Attention residents of planet Earth: A white-collar criminal from the state of Texas is about to endanger the general well-being and lives of you and all your progeny. The citizens of the United States are to blame. We've let a two-bit, linguistically challenged thug hijack our country, our values, and our needs. This isn't a kamikaze mission either; when it's all over, he'll be sitting high on the hog with all his minions wherever they can find a bit of unscorched ground."
"Universal Peace is a direct threat to the profits and continuation of the
War industry."
-
James Gilliland -
"Entangled by the bonds of hate,
he who seeks his own happiness
by inflicting pain on others,
is never delivered from hatred."
- Buddha -
"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."
- Isaac Asimov -
CROP CIRCLE FROM HELL
SITES FROM HELL
Find every possible legal form
here.
Here's an
article by a rabbi who thinks "It is time for the United States to sponsor a multinational force to physically separate and protect Israel and Palestine from each other, and then to convene an international conference to impose a final settlement."
While President Bush contemplates a preemptive strike on Iraq, and Americans' 401Ks evaporate, the nation can sleep easier knowing that a
bong maker is heading for prison for breaking paraphernalia laws.
Here's a photo gallery of many of the most beautiful places in the United States that
need protection.
Americans were
told lies to get us into Vietnam and the first Gulf War, why should this one be any different?
For intelligent analysis and information on the legitimacy of the War on Terrorism, check out
Collateralterror.com.
What good is a mammoth war machine if you don't have any enemies? No enemies? Why not just
create them?
Did you know the Ohio EPA approved a
$50 million, 149-mile-long pipeline meant to funnel 80,000 barrels a day of gasoline and jet fuel from the Ohio River to Columbus? Set to be trashed are 363 streams and 55 wetlands. As long as we're invading Iraq and stealing their oil, why exactly do we need this?
Don't let this happen to you.
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are
here.
All of Helen's columns are
here.
Dr. Hollywood archives are
here
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form,
unless you want to send my kids to space camp
Acknowledgement
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown
in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it.
Thanks,
Satan
This newsletter made entirely of recycled electrons.
Many thanks to Michael Dare!
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'TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
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Alex's Entertainment Report
Pageant Fires Miss Universe®
For the first time in its 52-year history, the Miss Universe® Organization has fired the woman wearing its crown.
Oxana Fedorova, a 24-year-old Russian law student, was ousted four months after she won the pageant, the organization said.
Spokeswoman Mary Hilliard McMillan said the organization would not comment on the reason until Tuesday, when the first runner-up, Miss Panama Justine Pasek, 22, is expected to be crowned.
Fedorova denied she had been fired and said she gave up the title herself.
"The duties of a world beauty are wonderful. However, my prime goal is my studies and career in Russia," Fedorova, who is pursuing a graduate degree in civil law, told RTR state television. "I know I will remain
Miss Universe for Russian citizens and for myself."
Addressing what the network said were rumors that she had secretly married and was pregnant, Fedorova said: "I want a family, I love family, but it is a dream for me. I was never married. I have not had children.
I hope that this dream will come true in the future."
Fedorova, a police lieutenant, was the first Miss Universe® from Russia, and her victory led newscasts across her home country. As the winner, she was eligible for prizes worth about $250,000, in addition to
promotional contracts, a scholarship and a salary.
Pageant Fires Miss Universe®
The Official Miss Universe® Statement - RUSSIA OUT, PANAMA IN
(The Miss Universe Organization, producer of the MISS UNIVERSE®, MISS USA®
and MISS TEEN USA® Pageants, is a Donald J. Trump and National Broadcasting
Company, Inc. (NBC) partnership.)
Thanks, Alex!
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In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Was warm enough to seem more like the middle of summer than the 2nd day of autumn.
The kid's cold is now full-blown, and if one were looking for a stock to invest in, I'd recommend Kimberly-Clark, the manufacturers of Kleenex®.
Tonight, Tuesday, CBS is ALL fresh, starting with the season premiere of 'JAG', then the season premiere of 'The Guardian', followed by the series premiere of 'Presidio Med'.
Scheduled on a fresh Dave are Jack Hanna and Tom Cavanagh.
Scheduled on a fresh Craiggers are Damon Wayans, Poppy Montgomery, and Anastacia.
It's also ALL fresh on NBC with the series premiere of 'In-Laws', followed by a 2nd fresh episode of 'In-Laws', then a fresh 'Frasier' (that has been pre-sold as 'The Wedding'), then the series premiere of 'Hidden Hills', and wraps with 'Dateline'.
Scheduled on a fresh Jay are Pete Sampras, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Uncle Kracker.
Scheduled on a fresh Conan are Marisa Tomei, Jim Breuer, and Sparta.
Scheduled on a fresh Carson Daly are Cedric the Entertainer and B2K.
ABC starts the night with a fresh '8 Simple Rules' and 'Life With Bonnie'. Then, it's a 'special' 'Inside NYPD Blue: A Decade On The Job', followed by the season premiere of 'NYPD Blue'.
The WB is also ALL fresh tonight with the season premiere of the 'Gilmore Girls' and 'Smallville'.
Faux has fresh episodes of 'That 70's Show' and 'Grounded For Life'. Then, it's a 'special' 'Celebrity Daredevils'.
UPN has the season premiere of 'Buffy', followed by the series premiere of 'Haunted'.
PBS is still rerunning Ken Burns' 'The Civil War'.
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
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Big Dog Watch Continues
Bill Clinton in Ghana
Ghana's President John Kufuor welcomes former U.S. President Bill Clinton to the Osu Castle in Accra, Ghana on Sunday Sept. 22, 2002. Clinton is visiting Ghana,
Nigeria, Rwanda, Mozambique and South Africa to promote efforts to curtail the AIDS epidemic and encourage economic development.
Photo by Sam Usuman
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Nothing Left To Say?
Stephen King
Stephen King says he's through scaring the pants off readers and is about to publish his final books.
"I've killed enough of the world's trees," the 55-year- old scaremeister quipped.
"I've published damn near 50 books now. That's a lot more than Norman Mailer's ever gonna publish, I guarantee you."
King tells Entertainment Weekly that his final novel will be "From a Buick 8," about cops in Pennsylvania and a possessed car.
Aside from the car novel, King will also churn out the final three installments of his projected seven-volume fantasy series, "The Dark Tower."
"Once these books are done, there's nothing left to say," said the author of "Carrie," "The Shining," "The Dead Zone" and other classics.
Stephen King
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Grand Marshals Of The 2003 Rose Parade
Bill, Art & Fred
Bill Cosby and Art Linkletter pose with the Pasadena Christian School's Joyful Sounds children's choir in Pasadena, Calif., Monday, Sept. 23, 2002, after the Pasadena Tournament of Roses named them Grand Marshals for the 2003 Rose Parade and Rose Bowl Game. Fred Rogers of 'Mister Rogers' neighborhood,
unable to attend Monday's ceremony, will also preside over the 114th Rose Parade, themed "Children's Dreams, Wishes and Imagination," and the 89th Rose Bowl Game Jan. 1, 2003 in Pasadena.
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Best Actor In A Dramatic Series
Michael Chiklis
He risked being blackballed for his first TV movie role as the late comedian John Belushi, then went on to star as ABC's "Commish," a TV sitcom dad, and Curly of the Three Stooges.
But his upset Emmy win Sunday night for portraying a rogue cop on "The Shield" has turned 39-year-old Michael Chiklis overnight into one of TV's hottest talents while generating newfound credibility for his little-seen show and the FX basic cable network that airs it.
His Emmy prize followed rave reviews for both the show and its shaven-headed star, who earlier won the Television Critics Association award for individual achievement and was credited by Time magazine for giving TV's performance of the year.
Chiklis won his best-actor Emmy -- the first ever for a show on basic cable -- for playing swaggering, corrupt detective Vic Mackey, the malevolent hero of "The Shield." In the climax of the premiere
episode, Mackey shoots and kills a fellow police officer who threatened to snitch on Mackey and his elite Strike Team for their corruption.
The role is the antithesis of the affable, by-the-book police executive he portrayed a decade ago in the ABC series "The Commish." And it's about as far away as one could get from his role as the
huggable dad in the short-lived sitcom "Daddio" on NBC two years ago or as Curly Howard in the made-for-TV movie "The Three Stooges."
For a bit more, Michael Chiklis
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In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
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Lunch With Gwyneth?
Christopher Reeve's Paralysis Foundation
Big-hearted celebs are auctioning themselves off to raise money for Christopher Reeve's Paralysis Foundation. The quadriplegic actor's 50th birthday bash Friday at the Marriott Marquis boasts prizes like: lunch with Gwyneth Paltrow and Calvin Klein, courtside Knicks seats with Billy Crystal, backstage tickets to see Elton John and a night out with "The Sopranos" Joe Pantoliano. Reeve, who has regained minor movement in
his hands and legs, is joined by Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, Barbara Walters and Ron Meyer, who share the same birthday.
Christopher Reeve's Paralysis Foundation
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Taronga Zoo, Sydney, Australia
Jackson's Chameleons
A newly born Jackson's Chameleon rests on its dad's horns in the serpentaria at Taronga Zoo in Sydney, Australia, Monday, Sept. 23, 2002. The baby chameleon is one of 22 little creatures born at the zoo during the traditional births of the spring season.
Photo by Rob Griffith
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Enters Treatment Facility
Nick Nolte
"Nick Nolte voluntarily entered Silver Hill Hospital to receive advice and counsel that he feels he needs at this time," his publicist, Paul Bloch, said Monday. "He will be there as long as he feels is necessary."
Billy Joel and Diana Ross are among those who have recently been treated at Silver Hill.
Nolte, 61, checked into the center on Sept. 14, just days after he was arrested and booked for investigation of driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
The arresting officer described Nolte as disheveled and drooling during the traffic stop along the Pacific Coast Highway, Capt. Dan Bower of the California Highway Patrol said.
Results of a blood test are still pending. A court hearing has been scheduled for Oct. 28.
Nick Nolte
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BartCop TV!
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Auctioning Mutiny Relics
Christie's
Auctioneers Christie's said Monday it is selling relics from Capt. Bligh's perilous escape after mutineers stole his ship, the HMS Bounty, and left him and his supporters for dead. They include his journal,
a bullet, a compass needle and a coconut shell that Bligh used as a cup during the turbulent voyage to safety.
The coconut, which also carries the words "The cup I eat my miserable allowance out of," is expected to fetch between $45,000 and $60,000 at the sale on Thursday at Christie's London auction rooms.
Returning to the Caribbean from Tahiti, where it had been sent to collect breadfruit plantings, Bligh's ship was taken over by a dozen crew members led by Fletcher Christian. Bligh and 18 loyal crewmen were
set adrift in the Bounty's 23-foot launch.
Their 41-day journey from the island of Tofua to Timor in what is now Indonesia was made without charts or chronometer and only the most meager provisions.
The sale also includes Bligh's official account of the voyage, published in 1792, and two rare 1794 pamphlets about the mutiny.
Auctioning Mutiny Relics
Christie's
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Lam Dong Province, 1987
Duck Herder
Shown is a photograph by Geoffrey Clifford, titled "Duck herder, Lam Dong Province, 1987."Clifford first saw the pockmarked landscape of Vietnam from the Army helicopter he flew during the war. But after returning home and studying photography,
Clifford was determined to capture the culture, beauty and people of a Vietnam at peace. His collection, "Viet Nam: Journey of the Heart," opens Sunday, Sept. 22, 2002, in San Francisco, as part of a nationwide exhibition.
Photo by Geoffrey Clifford
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Gets Sole Bottled Water Rights at Disney Parks
Coca-Cola Co
Coca-Cola Co. on Monday said its Dasani brand would become the exclusive bottled water sold at Walt Disney Co.'s U.S. parks and resorts, expanding a multiyear marketing partnership.
The world's No. 1 soft drink company, which is under pressure to boost beverage sales in the all-important North American market, noted that Dasani also would be served on the Disney Cruise Line.
Under the terms of the agreement, Atlanta-based Coca-Cola will expand Dasani advertising on ABC-TV, ESPN, Lifetime and other Disney media properties. The brand also will become an associate sponsor of the Walt Disney World Marathon.
The expanded agreement with Disney comes about 18 months after Coca-Cola entered into a global alliance with the entertainment giant to market a new line of non-carbonated children's juices, juice drinks and other beverages.
The drinks are packaged in colorful containers featuring Disney cartoon characters such as Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh.
Coca-Cola Co
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Compassionate Conservatives, States' Rights & High Priorities
Oregon
The Bush administration asked a federal appeals court Monday to strike down Oregon's assisted-suicide law as counter to U.S. drug law.
Attorney General John Ashcroft is seeking to sanction and perhaps hold Oregon doctors criminally liable if they prescribe lethal doses of medication under the Oregon measure,
the only such law in the nation.
The Oregon law, approved by voters in 1994 and 1997, allows the terminally ill to obtain a lethal dose of drugs if they have less than six months to live and are mentally
competent to make the request. Patients must take the fatal dose by themselves.
In papers filed with the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, the Justice Department argued that the Controlled Substance Act — the federal law declaring what drugs doctors may
prescribe — prohibits doctors from prescribing controlled substances except for "legitimate medical purposes."
And "the attorney general has permissibly concluded that suicide is not a legitimate medical purpose," the Justice Department said.
Oregon
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China Disabled People's Performing Art Troupe
'My Dream II'
Dancers of the China Disabled People's Performing Art Troupe rehearse for their latest performance, "My Dream II," in Beijing September 18, 2002. Established 15 years ago, the troupe has visited and performed in more than 30 countries. There are about 60 million persons with disabilities such as visual impairment, hearing and speech impairment, physical disability, mental retardation, and mental disorder in China, which accounts for about 5% of the
total population and covers 18% of families.
Photo by Wilson Chu
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'The Osbournes'
Updated! 'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
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#13
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Daily, hour-by-hour listings
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