Bartcop Entertainment - Tuesday, 23 July, 2002
Tuesday
23 July, 2002
(Updated Daily)
3 Days
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Issue #12
Disinfotainment Today
By Michael Dare
"Not Affiliated in Any Way!"
ISSUE #12
is brought to you by the
A Letter from Tom Robbins
It seems Tom found himself at a restaurant where the menu was designed so you can fold it and mail it to whomever you want. Apparently the meal was so bad he was inspired to mail the menu to me. In the space for a message, Tom scrawled two sentences. The second is "You happen to have any Tums?" The first sentence? Beats me. Handwriting. That's why they invented typewriters. Help me out here. I've posted the letter to
http://home.earthlink.net/~disinfotainment/schnitzel.jpg.
BELIEVE IT OR ELSE
Good Thing/Bad Thing
Stock prices are plummeting. Fears of renewed recession are rising. New reports abroad say Osama bin Laden is still alive and plotting to kill Americans. Democrats are in full attack mode.
Bush might not get re-unelected.
Mrs. Bob Dole is Still Against It
An Indian doctor
saved the lives of three "blue babies" (a lung problem starves them of oxygen) by treating them with Viagra.
One Nation Under Canada
Degree of Sanity Found in Palm Springs California
Spank You Very Much
They Just Got Around To It?
Cartoon of the Week
OBL Watch
Number of days since 9/11 that Osama bin Laden has not been found - 309.
Dear Dr. Hollywood,
My dream is to be a regular paid columnist for a print publication. Okay, maybe even a syndicated one. Think the female Dave Barry, right there in the Arts & Entertainment section. While I do understand I will have to take a few Sasquatch-ian steps to get there, I am not sure which path I should lumber down.
Is it smarter to be a columnist without pay and have the regular gig (for exposure) or do I send things out one-by-one to paying sites and end up making chump change?
I would really appreciate your words of wisdom!
Thanks!
Shana
Shana,
If you're talking syndication in the print world, it's a tough nut to crack. Though I've never been syndicated, I've dealt with King Syndication many times. (They recently held on to my column "Who's Going to Hell This Week?" for more than a year. The head of the company wrote me back apologizing for taking so long but he loved the column and just couldn't place it anywhere.) In any case, King, and all other syndicaters, want 10 demo columns that are exactly the same. 500 words, not 499 or 501. 750 words, not 749 or 751. They want to see professionalism to a major degree, proving your ability to crank out product on a regular basis. They also want to know that you're already being printed regularly.
You'll never get anywhere as the next Dave Barry because the competition is too fierce. If anyone ever needs another Dave Barry and Dave Barry isn't available, King has got another 12 Dave Barrys already lined up, believe me. Get in line.
The secret of syndication is timing your proposal to fulfill a need they don't know about yet. One very successful journalist once told me that the secret of his success was finding out what people were doing on Saturday night. What's the popular thing that people are doing?
In the mid 80s, I became one of the very first video columnists because I walked into the office of the editor of the LA Weekly and told him there was this new thing called home video that we should be covering on a regular basis. It wasn't as though he had to choose between me and someone else to do this column. I was staking out new territory, and once he started printing me I started getting picked up by dozens of magazines and newspapers from around the world, eventually ending up as Billboard's video columnist. If you had gotten to any publication with a column reviewing websites just as the WWW was peaking seven or eight years ago, before every magazine already had such a column, there's a good chance you'd be in print.
Your column has got to be more than just your opinion of things. Too vague. Do some investigating to find a new ingredient to add to your mix, something no one's covering. Got dyslexic twins? You can do the very first Recipes for Dyslexic Twins column. I'm being facetious but you get my point. If you're the only one doing something, then you've got no competition.
MD
WHO'S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?
July 22, 2002
PRESS SECRETARY FROM HELL
COUNTRY SONG FROM HELL
Back when Randy Newman did "Short People," a bunch of midgets protested by destroying copies of his record. Now, a bunch of
mental midgets have attacked Steve Earle for doing a song called "John Walker's Blues," a song seemingly in praise of John Walker Lindh, and obviously sarcastic to anyone with a shred of a sense of humor. Some of the lyrics...
"We came to fight the jihad, our hearts were pure and strong.
We filled the air with our prayers and we prayed for our martyrdom.
Allah has some other plans, a secret not revealed.
Now they're dragging me back
with my head in the sack
to the land of the infidel."
FILM REVIEW FROM HELL
Here's a serious site that quotes a lot of scripture to prove that
Men in Black II is the work of Satan.
HISTORY LESSON FROM HELL
One of the many posters
that helped rid America
of Prohibition
ANALOGY FROM HELL
The Great Barrier Reef stretches some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef.
On one tour, the guide was asked an interesting question. "I notice that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful," a traveler observed. "Why is this?"
The guide gave an interesting answer: "The coral around the lagoon side is in still water, with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, storms -- surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life. As it is challenged and tested it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces."
Then he added: "That's the way it is with every living organism."
QUOTES FROM HELL
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
- George W. Bush -
"Even if you don't believe a word of the bible, you've got to respect the person who typed all that."
- Lotus Weinstock -
"The world will not be saved by old minds with new programs. If the world is saved, it will be saved by new minds with no programs."
- Daniel Quinn -
"It is the addition of strangeness to beauty that constitutes the romantic character in art."
- Walter Pater -
"Monetary loss or even the shock of moral sensibilities is perhaps a passing thing, but the breaking down of the faith of a people in the honesty of their government and in the integrity of their institutions, the lowering of respect for the standards of honor which prevail in high places, are crimes for which punishment can never atone."
- Herbert Hoover -
"I can think of no faster way to unite the American people behind George W. Bush than a terrorist attack on an American target overseas. And I believe George W. Bush will quickly unite the American people through his foreign policy."
- Henry Kissinger, appearing on CNBC, 12/13/2000 -
"We are on the verge of a global transformation. All we need is the right major crisis and the nations will accept a New World Order."
- David Rockefeller -
"Why do schmucks and dickheads play such a vital role in American society? In a nutshell, their colorful antics brighten the day for the hoi polloi, and particularly for the less fortunate members of the hoi polloi. Toothless, blind, syphilitic and imprisoned in the worst Mexican jail, a person can still console himself with the thought: Well, at least I'm not Carrot Top."
- Joe Queenan -
HOOKER FROM HELL
SITES FROM HELL
Mandatory reading: Not just one wacko spouting off but a
giant credible list citing dozens of different verifiable sources, including CNN, MSNBC, the New Yorker, the New York Times, the Observer, the Guardian, the BBC, the Washington Post, the FAA, and the CIA site itself, showing Bush knew about 9/11 beforehand and deliberately let it happen.
A captured al Qaeda document reveals that US energy companies were
secretly negotiating with the Taliban to build a pipeline. The document was obtained by the FBI but was not allowed to be shared with other agencies in order to protect Enron. Multiple sources confirm that American law enforcement agencies were deliberately kept in the dark and systematically prevented from connecting the dots before 9/11 in order to aid Enron's secret and immoral Taliban negotiations.
Learn about liposculpture, slacktivism, steampunk, and buttlegging at
Word Spy, the home of new words.
What's a pocket veto? What's the difference between a motion to table, a motion to waive, and a motion to strike? Look 'em all up at the home of old words,
C-Span's Congressional Glossary.
Okay, will someone please explain why seven of the WTC hijackers are
still alive?
When your surroundings are a
filthy mess, someone's responsible.
Want the latest suicide cell smock? Check out
PX, where the hip buy their prison uniforms.
I ain't no Democrat but "Top 10 Reasons Why
Al Gore Would Be a Better Wartime President Than George W. Bush" makes the point that he would have been the lesser of two evils instead of the evil of two lessers.
Acknowledgement
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it.
Thanks,
Satan
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are
here.
All of Helen's columns are
here.
Dr. Hollywood archives are
here
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form,
unless you want to buy me a case of Carnuba Wax for my Rolls
http://home.earthlink.net/~dare2b
Many thanks to Michael Dare!
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From 'TBH Politoons'
Great Site!
Thanks, again, Tim!
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Reader Response
Re: 'The Shining'
From Ray
I approached Part 1 of ABC's "The Shining" with some hesitation Sunday night, but to my delight, it appears to be better made than Kubrick's piece of self-indulgence. Maybe it's just old age creeping up on me, or maybe it's because I finally read the book last year, and realized there were several good bits of writing missed in Kubrick's fast-cut barrage.
It seems that the TV version is developing Jack's character better -- paying more attention to his abuses of his kid and his student to give us a preview of his dark side.
Also the photography is excellent ... even without the opening plane flight in over the mountains used in Kubrick's. The fall colors and depth of field are beautiful, and camera angles have been clever.
There were points made in the book that didn't come through at all in the movie. One of which, and I think the most important, was the identity of "Tony". I'm looking forward to seeing how they reveal it in the TV version!
The TV casting seems a better -- Wendy is more believable as a blonde. In the movie, Shelley Duvall looked like she was trying out for the part of Texas' own Andrea Yates, but that's another rant. (After the Yates jury found her guilty, one of the jurors said, "You'd have to be insane to not know right from wrong like that!" ... makes ya' suspect some arm-twisting in the jury room). I knew from the first pictures in the paper what an emotionally distraught person looks like... and Yates ... and "Wendy" in the movie version looked messed up from the beginning.
With that in mind, Jack Nicholson came across as totally weirded out also. Maybe that whole movie needs the "Mystery-Science Theater" treatment, to make it into a full-blown cult classic. I do miss Scatman Cruthers, though, playing Hallaran (O'Hallaran?) -- I'd check the spelling, but somebody swiped my book.
The TV version shows promise of pulling us into the weird interiors of peoples' minds. Here's hoping parts 2 & 3 are as well done as part 1. I will consider it a smashing success if they reveal "Tony" in one big mind-boggling emotional climax ... of course it may be overshadowed by a 140 psi climax.
~~ Ray
Thanks, Ray.
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In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Went to the Orange County Fair. Was 'Food Bank' day - donate 5 cans of food & get in free. The kid was well-slathered in SPF 40, should have smeared a bit more on me, though.
Tonight, Tuesday, CBS has its usual 'Trifecta' of reruns - 'JAG', 'The Guardian', and 'Judging Amy'.
Scheduled on a fresh Dave are Kristen Johnston and Kinky.
Scheduled on a fresh Craiggers are Robert Wagner and tennis star Andy Roddick.
NBC opens with 2 fresh episodes of 'Spy TV', then reruns of 'Frasier' and 'Scrubs', and wraps with 'Dateline'.
Scheduled on a fresh Jay are David Hyde Pierce and Beyonce Knowles.
Scheduled on a fresh Conan are Tony Danza, Jim Breuer, and Dr. Michael Baden.
Scheduled on a fresh Carson Daly are Natasha Henstridge and Pete Rose.
ABC has 2 reruns of 'Jim', then a fresh 'Mole II: The Next Betrayal' and a fresh 'Houston Medical'.
The WB has reruns of 'Gilmore Girls' and 'Smallville'.
Faux has reruns of 'That 70's Show' and 'Grounded For Life' and then a fresh 'American Idol: The Search For A Superstar'.
UPN has a rerun of 'Buffy' and then an episode of 'Under One Roof'.
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
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The 26th International Jazz Festival Wiesen
Van Morrison
Irish musician Van Morrison performs on stage during a jazz festival in Wiesen in Austria's eastern province of Burgenland, on the night of July 22, 2002. The 26th International Jazz Festival Wiesen took
place from July 19 to July 21.
Photo by Herwig Prammer
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Stops Webcasts
Internet Radio Pioneer
The first commercial radio station to make its broadcasts available over the Internet has suspended its Webcasts, saying it can't afford new royalties.
KPIG, an eclectic 2,850-watt radio station based in this small Santa Cruz County town, ended seven years of continuous Webcasting by signing off on Thursday with the song "Happy
Trails." The station occasionally will air live Internet performances from its studio and station-sponsored concerts — music that isn't subject to royalties.
Station management attributed the shutdown to recently imposed fees that stations must pay recording studios for copyright music streamed over the Internet.
"The bill comes out to around $3,000 a month for KPIG, which isn't a whole lot, but KPIG is basically a small-market radio station. And right now, it's not making any money
from that stream," said Bill Goldsmith, who operates KPIG's online station. "That's $3,000 a month that they just can't afford."
Internet Radio Pioneer
KPIG Web site
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Interesting Link
BuzzWhack
BuzzWhack: The Buzzword Compliant Dictionary
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Tour de France
Robin & Lance
U.S. Postal Service team rider Lance Armstrong of the USA (R) rides with American actor Robin Williams during training on a rest day of the 89th Tour de France cycling race, in Vaison La Romaine
July 22, 2002. Armstrong is the current leader of the race.
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In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
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Hosting MTV Music Video Awards
Jimmy Fallon
"Saturday Night Live" star Jimmy Fallon will host the MTV Video Music Awards, while Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band are close to signing on to headline the Aug. 29 show.
MTV has frequently turned to "SNL" talent to host its annual awards show/concert.
The first kudocast in 1984 was co-hosted by Dan Aykroyd (paired with Bette Midler), while ex-"Weekend Update" anchor Dennis Miller toplined the 1995 and 1996 festivities. Chris Rock hosted twice, in 1997 and 1999, while Dana
Carvey and Eddie Murphy both got a single at-bat for the gig, in 1992 and 1985, respectively.
Jamie Foxx hosted last year's VMAs.
As for Springsteen, MTV is expected to announce his performance and the names of several other performers as early as Monday. The Boss backed up the Wallflowers on the 1997 VMAs; he performed solo in 1994.
Springsteen and his band will be promoting their new album, "The Rising," which hits stores next week. The group will perform a special concert from Asbury Park, N.J., on a special edition of NBC's "Today" show July 30; they'll
also pop up on "Late Show with David Letterman" Aug. 31.
Jimmy Fallon
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Concert This Saturday
The Sex Pistols
The notorious British punk band The Sex Pistols take break during rehearsals in West Sussex, England, on Monday July 22, 2002, ahead of their reformation concert in London. From left to right are Steve Jones, John Lydon at front, Glen Matlock and Paul Cook. Their
concert at the National Sports Centre in Crystal Palace, south London is scheduled for Saturday, some 25-years after they exploded onto the pop scene.
Photo by Andy Butterton
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Fun Link
Candy USA
Candy USA - Preview Of New Candy Products
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Faux Shows
Guest Voices
Mick Jagger and Keith Richards will be two out of many musical rockers slated to be this season's guest voices on Fox Network's hit animated show, "The Simpsons."
Tom Petty, Elvis Costello, Lenny Kravitz and Brian Setzer are all part of the season opener which airs November 10. In it, Homer goes to a rock 'n' roll fantasy camp.
Other guest voices later in the season are Marisa Tomei, Elliot Gould, Adam West, Burt Ward and David L. Lander.
"King of the Hill" will also borrow the talents of Jennifer Aniston, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock as character voices in addition to Lucy Liu, Bernie Mac and Debra Messing.
Allison Janey, Michael Keaton, Topher Grace and Danny Masterson, Mila Jovavich and Jamie Kennedy are lined up as well. "King of the Hill" starts its new season November 3.
Guest Voices
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BartCop TV!
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Four Arrested
Stealing Moon Rocks
Three student employees and another man were charged with stealing a safe full of moon rocks and meteorites from the Johnson Space Center in Houston and trying to sell them, the FBI said Monday.
The items offered for sale by the suspects were kept in a 600-pound safe that was noticed missing July 15, space center spokesman Kyle Herring said. The safe contained lunar samples from every Apollo mission.
Undercover FBI agents arrested Thad Roberts, 25, Tiffany Fowler, 22, and Gordon McWorter, 26, on Saturday in Orlando. They are charged with conspiracy to commit
the theft of government property and transportation in interstate commerce of stolen property.
Shae Saur, 19, was arrested in Houston, and charged with conspiracy, FBI officials said.
Roberts, Fowler, and Saur have been fired from the space center, Herring said. Their job descriptions were not immediately known.
Investigators say Roberts offered to sell the rocks from between $1,000 and $5,000 a gram.
Stealing Moon Rocks
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Fun Link
Paper Folding Project
Paper Folding Project
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Washed Up On Australian Beach
Giant Squid
A giant squid with tentacles measuring at least 15 metres (yards) has washed up on a southern Australian beach, exciting scientists who believe they may have stumbled across a new species.
The monster cephalopod washed up on Seven Mile Beach in the southern island state of Tasmania some time over the weekend. The squid, which weighs about 250 kg (550 pounds), was hauled by trailer to the
Tasmanian Museum and Art Gallery on Monday.
Only two other of the rare giant squid have been found in Tasmania, in 1986 and 1991. They usually live on the edge of the continental shelf off Australia's coast at depths of at least 500 metres.
Giant squid are found in all the oceans of the world and are believed to be the origin of many ancient maritime legends about mysterious creatures from the deep.
They have also featured in great works of fiction like Herman Melville's "Moby Dick" and Jules Verne's "20,000 Leagues Under The Sea".
Giant Squid
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In Memory
Gene Moss
Gene Moss, who co-wrote the short-lived 1960s cartoon series "Roger Ramjet" and supplied voice of "Smokey Bear" in public service spots for the U.S. Forest Service, has died at age 75, his wife said on Monday.
Moss, a resident of the Southern California resort town of Palm Desert since retiring from advertising and voice-over work, died of cancer on July 15 at the Eisenhower Medical Center in Rancho Mirage, his wife, Carolyn, told Reuters.
Moss and his partner, Jim Thurman, co-wrote all 156 episodes of "Roger Ramjet," a 1965 syndicated cartoon about a bumbling superhero and a group of loyal youngsters known as the American Eagle Squadron.
The title character, voiced by radio personality Gary Owens (who went on to become the announcer on "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In"), battled such villains as Noodles Romanoff, Henry Cabbage Patch and Count Bat Guy with the help of his Proton Energy Pill, which gave him the strength of 20 atom bombs for 20 seconds.
Moss voiced the character of Doodle, the short, chubby member of the Eagles Squadron whose love of food often got him into trouble.
Moss and Thurman went on to create "Shrimpenstein," a locally produced and aired Los Angeles television show in the mid-1960s hosted by Moss as the mad scientist Dr. Von Schtick. Shrimpenstein was a hand puppet resembling a miniature Frankenstein's monster that was controlled by Moss.
But Moss earned perhaps his greatest exposure during a 10-year stint, starting in 1979, as the voice of Smokey Bear in radio and TV ads by the U.S. Forest Service, admonishing members of the public in his baritone, "Only you can prevent forest fires." He also did voice-over work for numerous commercial ads through the 1980s before he retired.
Gene Moss
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'The Osbournes'
Freshly updated - 'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2 !
Coming Soon - Page 3!
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
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Welcome !
You have reached the Home page of BartCop Entertainment.
Make yourself home, take your shoes off...
Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.
The idea is to have fun.
Do you have something to say?
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better,
amused or entertained?
Do you have a great album no one's heard?
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?
A popular artist that just plain pisses you off?
A box set the whole world should own?
Vile, filthy rumors about Republican musicians?
Just plain vile, filthy rumors?
A picture of yourself clad only in panties and sitting on Jimmy West's lap?
This is your place.
(In other words, submissions are welcome.)
Send mail to Marty
( SuprmChaos@yahoo.com )
Or this Marty
( SuprmChaos@aol.com )
Or this Marty
( SuprmChaos@hotmail.com )
You can even send it to this Marty
( Marty@suprmchaos.com )
Thank you
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