Matt Cowan: 5 Modern Stories That Are Way More Religious Than You Think (Cracked)
Most Hollywood films with religious symbolism ram it down your throat so hard that it feels like you're in church on a Friday night, being dick-slapped with a Bible, when in actual fact you're stealing from the internet while trying not to think about God's judgment too much.
A child prodigy, this American musician, singer, songwriter, record producer, and multi-instrumentalist has received 25 Grammy Awards, the most ever awarded to a male solo artist. What is his stage name?
Stevland Hardaway Morris (born Stevland Hardaway Judkins, May 13, 1950), known by his stage name Stevie Wonder, is an American musician, singer, songwriter, record producer, and multi-instrumentalist. A child prodigy, he became one of the most critically and commercially successful musical performers of the late 20th century. Wonder signed with Motown's Tamla label at the age of 11 and has continued to perform and record for Motown as of the early 2010s. He has been blind since shortly after birth.
Among Wonder's works are singles such as "Superstition", "Sir Duke", "You Are the Sunshine of My Life" and "I Just Called to Say I Love You"; and albums such as Talking Book, Innervisions and Songs in the Key of Life. He has recorded more than 30 U.S. top ten hits and received 25 Grammy Awards, the most ever awarded to a male solo artist. Wonder is also noted for his work as an activist for political causes, including his 1980 campaign to make Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday a holiday in the United States. In 2009, Wonder was named a United Nations Messenger of Peace. In 2013, Billboard magazine released a list of the Billboard Hot 100 All-Time Top Artists to celebrate the US singles chart's 55th anniversary, with Wonder at number six.
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Happy Birthday, Marianne!
Alan J was first and correct with:
Stevie Wonder.
Jim from CA, retired to ID, wrote:
Stevie Wonder
Randall replied:
I'm guessing...
Stevie Wonder?
Lois Of Oregon said:
And now, in honor of Stevie Wonder's amazing lifetime of achievement, some recycled Helen Keller jokes.
Marian responded:
Stevie Wonder
Adam answered:
Stevie Wonder, George Solti, Quincy Jones?!?
I have no idea...
Deborah wrote:
What? Henry Mancini? The Grammy Awards page said it was Frank Sinatra. Rats.
Based on that misinformation, the answer to today's TQ is either Joey Alexander (who?) or Stevie Wonder. Or maybe they're the same person. IDK.
It was 90* when I walked the dogs at 8 a.m. The breeze isn't even refreshing.
Kevin K. in Washington, DC said:
Sounds like Stevie Wonder to me.
Dale of Really Hot & Getting Hotter, Diamond Springs, Norcali replied:
Aaahhh! It's 101 up here in the Sierra Foothills today. I saw Stevie Wonder open up for The Rolling Stones in 1972 at Winterland in San Francisco. That was one of the paramount shows ever spied upon by moi. Stevie has the gift of perfect pitch and tonality. One of the preeminent performers of our times.
No blind Stevie jokes today…let's pick on the Cos..
DJ Useo answered:
Youse got me stumped. Maybe it was Stevie Wonder? Or Kanye West? Or Tiny Tim (!) ?
MAM wrote:
Vladimir Samoylovich Horowitz ~ Russian-born American classical pianist and composer. He was known for his technique, use of tone color, and the excitement generated by his playing. He is thought of as one of the greatest pianists of all time.
John I from Hawai`i says,
"Stevie Wonder."
Joe S took the day off.
mj took the day off.
BttbBob has returned to semi-retired status.
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Patriot Act NSA Spying Unconstitutional Section 215 National Security Letters Must End
My name is Marc Perkel and I have decided to announce that I will not comply with the so called "Patriot Act" laws requiring me to disclose information about my customers. If I receive a national security letter I will immediately photograph it, post it online everywhere I can, and then make a video of me burning it. I will then await my arrest. If you want to put me in jail then come get me mother fucker.
CBS begins the night with a RERUN'NCIS', followed by a FRESH'Zoo', then another FRESH'Zoo'.
Scheduled on a FRESHStephen Colbert are Tom Brokaw, Sarah & Erin Foster, and Bibi Bourelly.
On a RERUNJames Corden, OBE, (from 5/9/16) are Elizabeth Olsen, Anthony Mackie, Cyndi Lauper, and Zara Larsson.
NBC starts the night with FRESH'2016 US Summer Olympic Trials', followed by a FRESH'America's Got Talent'.
On a RERUNJimmy Fallon (from 5/12/16) are Drake, Megyn Kelly, Meghan Trainor, and Emily Wells.
On a RERUNSeth Meyers (from 6/7/16) are Morgan Freeman, Rob Kazinsky, Jake Bugg, and Jon Theodore.
On a RERUNCarson 'The Scab' Daly (from 3/31/16) are Maggie Siff, White Mystery, and Jeff Nichols.
ABC opens the night with a RERUN'The Middle', followed by a RERUN'black-ish', then a FRESH'Uncle Buck', followed by a FRESH'To Tell The Truth'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJimmy Kimmel are Margot Robbie, Jim Jefferies, and Flo Rida.
The CW offers a RERUN'The Flash', followed by a FRESH'Containment'.
Faux has a FRESHHotel Hell', followed by a FRESH'Coupled'.
MY has 'TMZ (Not So) Live', followed by 'Hollywood Today (Not So) Live'.
A&E has 'The First 48', followed by the movie 'Taken', then the movie 'Walking Tall'.
AMC offers the movie 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows', followed by a FRESH'Feed The Beast'.
BBC -
[6:00AM] TOP GEAR - SEASON 20 - Episode 4
[7:00AM] TOP GEAR - SEASON 20 - Episode 5
[8:00AM] TOP GEAR - SEASON 20 - Episode 6
[9:00AM] RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES US - SEASON 5 - EPISODE 8-Michon's
[10:00AM] RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES US - SEASON 5 - EPISODE 9-El Greco
[11:00AM] STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION - SEASON 2 - EPISODE 14-The Icarus Factor
[2:00PM] STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION - SEASON 2 - EPISODE 15-Pen Pals
[1:00PM] STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION - SEASON 2 - EPISODE 16-Q Who
[2:00PM] PLANET EARTH: FROZEN PLANET - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 5-Winter
[3:00PM] PLANET EARTH: FROZEN PLANET - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 6-The Last Frontier
[4:00PM] PLANET EARTH: FROZEN PLANET - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 7-On Thin Ice
[5:00PM] PLANET EARTH: FROZEN PLANET - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 8-An Epic Journey
[6:00PM] PLANET EARTH: AFRICA - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 1-Kalahari
[7:00PM] PLANET EARTH: AFRICA - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 2-Savannah
[8:00PM] PLANET EARTH: AFRICA - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 3-Congo
[9:00PM] PLANET EARTH: AFRICA - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 4-Cape
[10:00PM] PLANET EARTH: AFRICA - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 5-Sahara
[11:00PM] PLANET EARTH: AFRICA - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 1-Kalahari
[12:00AM] PLANET EARTH: AFRICA - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 2-Savannah
[1:00AM] PLANET EARTH: AFRICA - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 3-Congo
[2:00AM] PLANET EARTH: AFRICA - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 4-Cape
[3:00AM] PLANET EARTH: AFRICA - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 5-Sahara
[4:00AM] PLANET EARTH: FROZEN PLANET - SEASON 1 - EPISODE 5-Winter
[5:00AM] PLANET EARTH: FROZEN PLANET- SEASON 1 - EPISODE 6-The Last Frontier (ALL TIMES EDT)
Bravo has 'Real Housewives Of OC', another 'Real Housewives Of OC', followed by a (F) 'Below Deck Mediterranean', and another 'Below Deck Mediterranean', then a FRESH'Watch What Happens Live'.
Comedy Central has 'Futurama', another 'Futurama', 2 hours of old 'Tosh.0', followed by a FRESH'Tosh.0', then a FRESH'Not Safe With Nikki Glaser'.
Scheduled on a FRESHThe Daily Show is Calvin Trillin.
Scheduled on a FRESHThe Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore is Jaime Camil.
Scheduled on a FRESH@Midnight are Paul Scheer, Jensen Karp, and Jade Catta-Preta.
FX has the movie 'Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes', followed by the movie 'Avatar'.
History has 2 hours of old 'Counting Cars', followed by a FRESH'Top Gear', 'Counting Cars', and another 'Counting Cars'.
IFC -
[6:00AM] MARON-Shrink and Kink
[6:30AM] THAT '70S SHOW-Eric's Drunken Tattoo
[7:00AM] THAT '70S SHOW-Canadian Road Trip
[7:30AM] STEPHEN KING'S IT
[9:45AM] STEPHEN KING'S IT
[12:00PM] STEPHEN KING'S THE SHINING
[2:00PM] STEPHEN KING'S THE SHINING
[4:00PM] STEPHEN KING'S THE SHINING
[6:00PM] THAT '70S SHOW-Backstage Pass
[6:30PM] THAT '70S SHOW-The Promise Ring
[7:00PM] THAT '70S SHOW-It's a Wonderful Life
[7:30PM] THAT '70S SHOW-Eric's Depression
[8:00PM] THAT '70S SHOW-Pinciotti vs. Forman
[8:30PM] THAT '70S SHOW-Hyde Gets the Girl
[9:00PM] THAT '70S SHOW-Bye-Bye Basement
[9:30PM] THAT '70S SHOW-The Relapse
[10:00PM] THAT '70S SHOW-Uncomfortable Ball Stuff
[10:30PM] THAT '70S SHOW-Donna's Story
[11:00PM] THAT '70S SHOW-Backstage Pass
[11:30PM] THAT '70S SHOW-The Promise Ring
[12:00AM] THAT '70S SHOW-It's a Wonderful Life
[12:30AM] THAT '70S SHOW-Eric's Depression
[1:00AM] THAT '70S SHOW-Pinciotti vs. Forman
[1:30AM] THAT '70S SHOW-Hyde Gets the Girl
[2:00AM] THAT '70S SHOW-Bye-Bye Basement
[2:30AM] THAT '70S SHOW-The Relapse
[3:00AM] MICHAEL CLAYTON
[5:45AM] COMEDY BANG! BANG!-Steven Yeun (ALL TIMES EDT)
Sundance -
[6:00AM] The Taking of Pelham One Two Three
[8:30AM] Backdraft
[11:30AM] Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
[2:30PM] Three Kings
[5:00PM] The Outlaw Josey Wales
[8:00PM] Cape Fear
[11:00PM] The Bone Collector
[2:00AM] Badlands
[3:30AM] The Cooler (ALL TIMES EDT)
SyFy has the movie 'The Mechanic', followed by the movie 'Faster'.
TBS:
Scheduled on a FRESHConan are Alexander Skarsgard, Bo Burnham, and a performance by kids from School of Rock.
Windows 10 auto-upgrades are like a sick, cruel joke being played on us by this point. Most stories that start with "my Windows 10 PC auto-upgraded" tend to end with "and then all my data was lost," but this particular version has a happy ending, because it involves Microsoft paying out a lot of money.
A California woman has won $10,000 from Microsoft, after the tech giant gave up challenging a court case. Teri Goldstein alleges that after her computer was upgraded to Windows 10, it became slow and unreliable.
"I had never heard of Windows 10," Goldstein said. "Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to update."
Goldstein subsequently took Microsoft to court, suing for lost wages and the cost of a new computer (running OS X, I hope). Goldstein won the initial court case, and although Microsoft initially appealed, it just dropped that case. So, Goldstein should be seeing a $10,000 check show up from Microsoft sometime soon.
In a statement to the Seattle Times, Microsoft said that ""we're continuing to listen to customer feedback and evolve the upgrade experience based on their feedback."
Cast member Samuel L. Jackson and former NBA basketball player Earvin Magic Johnson pose at the premiere of the movie "The Legend of Tarzan" in Hollywood California, June 27, 2016.
Photo by Danny Moloshok
Failed presidential candidate Mike Huckabee (R-Delusional) is paying $25,000 for playing "Eye of the Tiger" at a rally last year without the band's permission, CNNMoney has discovered.
Huckabee played the triumphant song by the band Survivor at a rally he held for Kim Davis (R-Bigot), the Kentucky county clerk who refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples.
But Huckabee never paid for the rights -- so his campaign got sued for copyright infringement.
He recently agreed to a confidential settlement with Rude Music. That company is owned by the Survivor guitarist who cowrote the song, Frankie Sullivan.
They settled out of court, and it came to light when Huckabee listed the $25,000 cost as a campaign expense on federal election records.
Thanks to high-tech scanning, 2,000-year-old inscriptions on the Antikythera mechanism, an ancient Greek "computer," can be read more clearly than ever before, revealing more information about the device and its possible uses.
Ever since the first fragments of the device were pulled from a shipwreck off the coast of the Greek island Antikythera in 1901, scientists and historians have been trying to learn more about its purpose. The bronze astronomical calculator was about the size of a shoebox, with dials on its exterior and an intricate system of 30 bronze gear wheels inside. With the turn of a hand crank, the ancient Greeks could track the positions of the sun and the moon, the lunar phases, and even cycles of Greek athletic competitions .
The 82 corroded metal fragments of the Antikythera mechanism contain ancient Greek text, much of which is unreadable to the naked eye. But over the past 10 years, new imaging techniques, such as 3D X-ray scanning, have revealed hidden letters and words in the text.
"Before, we could make out isolated words, but there was a lot of noise -letters that were being misread or gaps in the text," said Alexander Jones, a professor of the history of science at New York University. "Now, we have something that you can actually read as ancient Greek. We can tell what these texts were saying to an ancient observer."
Jones and his colleagues recently published a set of papers on the inscriptions in a special issue of the journal Almagest. The newly filled-in bits of text have allowed Jones and his colleagues to get a better idea of what the machine might have looked like in antiquity. Inscriptions on the cover of the back face of the device, for instance, contain an inventory of all of the dials and what they mean. [See Images of the Newly Deciphered Antikythera Inscriptions ]
Here's something to celebrate with a big, bright bunch of helium party balloons: scientists believe they have discovered a huge new helium deposit - and the technique they used to find it could put an end to the global helium shortage.
You may be most familiar with helium as the lighter-than-air gas that makes balloons float on the end of a string and makes your voice sound squeaky after you breathe it in, but it has a huge range of more serious and important uses for airships, scuba diving tanks, MRI scanners, welding, industrial leak detection and even in the Large Hadron Collider.
Worldwide helium supplies have been running out, and Nobel prize-winning physicist Robert Richardson estimated in 2010 that they could be tapped out by 2035 or 2040. The British Medical Association voted in 2015 to campaign for a ban on frivolous uses such as party balloons in light of the shortage.
But now a new, huge helium reserve has been found in the Tanzanian East African Rift Valley, announced researchers at Oxford and Durham universities in the U.K., working with the Norway-based exploration company Helium One, at the Goldschmidt geochemistry conference in Yokohama, Japan, today.
Gas seeping out of the new Tanzanian reserve contains up to 10.6 per cent helium, and the reserve is estimated to hold about 54 billion cubic feet (1.5 billion cubic metres) of helium gas in total.
Former rap music mogul Marion "Suge" Knight sued Chris Brown and the owners of a popular nightclub on Monday after he was shot seven times at a 2014 party hosted by the R&B singer.
The lawsuit filed in Los Angeles Superior Court accuses Brown and nightclub 1 Oak of failing to have adequate security and allowing at least one armed person into the venue during the party.
Knight survived gunshot wounds to the abdomen, chest and left forearm. The Death Row Records co-founder has cited complications from those injuries, including a blood clot, in court appearances on an unrelated murder charge.
His attorneys say Knight's fear months after the shooting led him to flee when he was attacked in his car, running down two men and killing one. Knight, who is a two-time convicted felon, is in jail awaiting trial.
The lawsuit does not state how much money Knight is seeking but asks for a judgment ordering the defendants to pay past and future medical expenses for his injuries.
Lisa Bonet seen at Showtime Drama Series "Ray Donovan" Premiere Night Viewing Party at O'Brien's Irish Pub & Restaurant on Sunday, June 26, 2016, in Santa Monica, Calif.
Photo by Eric Charbonneau
Pedro Sandoval stopped celebrating Mother's Day, Father's Day and even his own birthday after he found out the truth: The mom and dad he knew growing up had stolen him from his biological parents, who were kidnapped, tortured and never heard from again during Argentina's 1976-1983 military dictatorship.
"I'm still jealous of friends who can hug or get into arguments with their parents," said Sandoval, 38, alluding to the biological parents he never met. "But I'm also thankful that I could at least hug my grandfather and grandmother."
Four decades after the ruling military junta launched a systematic plan to steal babies born to political prisoners, Argentina's search for truth is increasingly focused on the 500 or so newborns whisked away and raised by surrogate families. Several hundred have yet to be accounted for.
For the children who have already been found, coming to grips with the past is a painful process.
Sandoval, known then as Alejandro Rei, never suspected anything was amiss growing up in a middle-class household on the outskirts of Buenos Aires. But in 2004, Victor Rei, a former border patrol officer and the man that Sandoval called his father, became the target of an investigation and his life turned upside down.
Joan Jara, center, wife of Chilean singer and songwriter Victor Jara, makes a statement with her daughters Manuela Bunster, left, and Amanda Jara Turner, right, at the federal courthouse, Monday, June 27, 2016, in Orlando, Fla., after a jury ruled that former Lt. Pedro Pablo Barrientos Nunez, a military officer in the regime of Chile's brutal dictator Augusto Pinochet, tortured and killed the folk singer more than 40 years ago and is awarding his family $28 million.
Photo by John Raoux
Is it possible to regret becoming a mother? The question first posed by an Israeli researcher has stirred a debate in Germany like in no other country, shattering a long-held taboo.
"In Israel, it was settled in a week. In Germany, it has lasted for months," said sociologist Orna Donath, whose study "Regretting Motherhood" was published in 2015.
Tired of hearing that she "would regret" not having a child, the researcher collected testimonies from 23 women who, on the contrary, love their own kids but would, truth be told, prefer not to have had them.
The book taps into a usually-unspoken maternal ambivalence that may be far more common than previously acknowledged in many places, including Germany, whose fertility rate is less than half that of Israel's.
Several German books have since been published on the subject, including "The Lie of Maternal Happiness" by Sarah Fischer, along with almost-weekly newspaper columns, television chat shows and Twitter debates with the hashtag #RegrettingMotherhood.
Last year, after a Minnesota dentist sparked an uproar by killing a popular lion named Cecil while on safari in Zimbabwe, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service placed similar African lions on the endangered species list, making it illegal to import them as trophies to the United States.
But for African lions and other threatened and endangered species, there's an exception to this rule: Hunters, circuses, zoos, breeders and theme parks can get permits to import, export or sell endangered animals if they can demonstrate that the transactions will "enhance the survival" of the species.
Often, records show, this requirement is met in part by making a cash contribution to charity - usually a few thousand dollars. The practice has angered both animal-rights activists who say it exploits wildlife and exhibitors who describe the process as unfair and arbitrary.
In the last five years, the vast majority of the estimated 1,375 endangered species permits granted by the Fish & Wildlife Service involved financial pledges to charity, according to agency documents reviewed by Reuters.
For a $2,000 pledge, the Fish & Wildlife Service permitted two threatened leopard cubs to be sent from a roadside zoo to a small animal park. After a $5,000 pledge, the agency approved the transfer of 10 endangered South African penguins to a Florida theme park.
Members of the National Park Service adjust a banner in the front of the Stonewall Inn ahead of a ceremony officially designating it and Christopher Park as part of the Stonewall National Monument in the Manhattan borough of New York, June 27, 2016.
Photo by Andrew Kelly
In a case that could have big implications for dams and other development in the Northwest, a federal appeals court panel said Monday that Native American tribes have a right not only to fish for salmon, but for there to be salmon to catch - a ruling that affirms the duty of the United States to protect the habitat of the prized fish under treaties dating back more than 150 years.
Three judges from the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals reached their unanimous decision in a case involving culverts, large pipes that allow streams to flow under roads but which also can block migrating fish. They upheld a lower court's 2013 ruling ordering Washington state to replace hundreds of the pipes with more fish-friendly structures, such as bridges that allow streams to flow naturally underneath them.
"The Indians did not understand the Treaties to promise that they would have access to their usual and accustomed fishing places, but with a qualification that would allow the government to diminish or destroy the fish runs," Judge William Fletcher wrote for the panel, adding that territorial Gov. Isaac Stevens "did not make ... such a cynical and disingenuous promise."
The ruling, praised by the tribes, was the second major court decision in as many months concerning salmon habitat in the Northwest. In May, a federal judge in Portland, Oregon, ruled that a massive habitat restoration effort by the U.S. government doesn't do nearly enough to improve Northwest salmon runs - and that federal law may require federal authorities to consider removing four huge dams on the lower Snake River in Eastern Washington.
Italian actor and filmmaker Bud Spencer died on Monday at age 86, national media reported.
A post on his official Facebook page read, "With our deepest regrets, we have to tell you that Bud is flying to his next journey".
Born Carlo Pedersoli in the southern city of Naples, he was known to his public as the "big friendly giant" of the screen due to his height and weight.
He played in action and comedy films in the 1970s and 1980s, mostly working at the side of his friend Terence Hill.
He had many fans abroad, especially in South America where he lived at various times in his life, and in Germany.
Speaking to channel SKY TG24, Osvaldo De Santis, president of 20th Century Fox in Italy, said, "He was an actor whom Italian cinema needs to thank because he brought Italian movies around the world."
Before turning to acting, Spencer was a professional swimmer and the first Italian to swim the 100 metres freestyle in less than one minute. He twice participated in Olympic games.
German actor Götz George, much beloved for his role as hard-nosed but good-hearted inspector in the country's iconic "Tatort" TV crime series, has died. He was 77.
The actor died June 19 after a short illness, but his agent didn't immediately release further information, the dpa news agency reported.
George was especially popular for his role as tough working-class inspector Horst Schimanski from the country's industrial Ruhr Valley region, which he played 48 times in a time period of 32 years.
He also starred in many movies, including his role as the Nazis' death camp doctor Joseph Mengele in "Nichts als die Wahrheit."
An undated handout picture made available by the Australia Zoo on June 20, 2016, shows Reggie, a Sumatran tiger cub born at Australia Zoo, on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland, Australia.
Photo by Ben Beaden
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Italian actor and filmmaker Bud Spencer died on Monday at age 86, national media reported.
