Recommended Reading
from Bruce
Paul Krugman: Dimon's Déjà Vu Debacle (New York Times)
Sometimes it's hard to explain why we need strong financial regulation - especially in an era saturated with pro-business, pro-market propaganda. So we should always be grateful when someone makes the case for regulation more compelling and easier to understand. And this week, that means offering a special shout-out to two men: Jamie Dimon and Mitt Romney.
Teachers' Message To Parents: "We Don't Suck; You Suck" (Neatorama)
May 8th was National Teacher Day, and teachers have a message for all you parents. Jimmy Kimmel obliged to send along the clip.
Bill Maher: Liberty University Is Not A Real School (Huffington Post)
Maher noted that Liberty teaches "creation science," and the idea that earth was created 5,000 years ago. "This is a school you flunk out of when you get the answers right," he joked.
Japan is Weird (NSFW)
We aren't saying Japanese people are weird but it's a fact that the strangest pictures floating around the internet are from Japan. Enjoy this collection of the weirdest Japanese pics.
Marc Dion: Gay Macaroni and Cheese (Creators Syndicate)
Like a lot of guys of my age and class, you say "gay," I think "anal sex." You say, "lesbian," I think "chick with a mullet" or "porn movie." Not nice. Just true. Truth's not nice a lot of the time.
Robert Reich: The Commencement Address That Won't Be Given
Members of the Class of 2012, As a former secretary of labor and current professor, I feel I owe it to you to tell you the truth about the pieces of parchment you're picking up today. You're f*cked. Well, not exactly. But you won't have it easy.
How To Pay Off $90,000 Student Debt In 7 Months (Huffington Post)
One day last summer, he checked his student loan balance, expecting to be impressed with his progress. Instead, he was stunned - after paying more than $22,000, he still owed over $90,000. Due to interest payments, he wouldn't pay off his loan for at least another 10 years.
Oliver Burkeman: Underachieving (Guardian)
Underachievement, the way [Ray] Bennett uses the term, begins to seem less like an appealing option for the lazy-minded and more like a path to a superior kind of achievement. Partly, that's just because moderation's often best. (Bennett's "underachiever's diet" involves avoiding bad fats and keeping treats occasional; his "underachiever's workout" entails walking, doing something with your upper body and getting enough sleep.)
David Bruce has 42 Kindle books on Amazon.com with 250 anecdotes in each book. Each book is $1, so for $42 you can buy 10,500 anecdotes. Search for "Funniest People," "Coolest People, "Most Interesting People," "Kindest People," "Religious Anecdotes," "Maximum Cool," and "Resist Psychic Death."
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Reader Suggestion
Michelle in AZ
From The Creator of 'Avery Ant'
Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Coastal Eddy has settled in nicely.
The kid is done with finals, so there's a celebratory field trip to Chinatown in the near future. Very near future.
Farm Fundraiser
Stephen Bogart
The oldest child of actors Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall is helping to raise money to renovate part of the Ohio farm where the pair married in 1945.
The News Journal in Mansfield reports Stephen Bogart will make his first visit to nearby Malabar Farm from June 1-3. The meet-and-greets and special meals are part of a fundraising campaign to help renovate the mansion on the property.
Malabar Farm administrative director Sybil Burksey says water and flooring problems have left the home in desperate need of repairs. The farm founded by celebrity author Louis Bromfield in 1939 is now part of a state park.
Bogart says his mother, who turns 88 this year, is happy he's making the trip to see where his parents' marriage began.
Stephen Bogart
Dumbing It Way Down
Congress
Are members of Congress dumbing down their discourse?
The Sunlight Foundation determined that Congress is talking at nearly a full grade level below the level at which members spoke seven years ago, according to its study of the Congressional Record-the official record of members' proceedings and speech. The foundation applied the Flesch-Kincaid grade level test to congressional conversations and found that today's Congress speaks "at about a 10.6 grade level, down from 11.5 in 2005," senior fellow Lee Drutman wrote in his analysis. Sunlight also found that the newest as well as the most conservative members of Congress on average speak at the lowest grade level.
Republican Rep. Mick Mulvaney of South Carolina scored lowest with a 7.9 grade level average for his speech. But he told Yahoo News Monday that although he doesn't believe anyone equates "sentence length" and the "polysyllabic nature of words" with intelligence, his ranking is something to be proud of.
Ranking one step above Mulvaney was Woodall, then Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky, Duffy and in fifth place, Rep. Todd Akin of Missouri-all Republicans.
Leading the list as the most advanced speaker is Republican Rep. Dan Lungren of California, who speaks like a college senior. He is followed by Democratic Rep. Lucille Roybal-Allard of California, Democratic Sen. Daniel Akaka of Hawaii, Republican Rep. Jim Gerlach of Pennsylvania and Republican Rep. Tom Petri of Wisconsin. (A complete ranking of members can be found here.)
Congress
English Town Changes Name
"Staines-upon-Thames"
The town made infamous by comedian Sacha Baron Cohen's Ali G character has changed its name.
The sleepy London commuter settlement of Staines has upgraded its name to the more majestic-sounding "Staines-upon-Thames."
Staines' history stretches back to Roman times but the town gained international notoriety as the home of the fictional Ali G, Baron Cohen's hopelessly stupid hip-hop wannabe.
Ali G's adventures cast the town of 45,000 as a cultural wasteland whose star sights included a traffic circle and the local KFC.
The town initially welcomed Baron Cohen's fame, but the negative connotations lingered even as the comedian moved on to other projects, including the movies "Borat," and "The Dictator."
"Staines-upon-Thames"
Adding Afternoon Weekday Hour
'GMA'
"Good Morning America" is reaching into the afternoon this summer.
ABC announced Monday that a one-hour spinoff of the morning news show called "Good Afternoon America" will premiere July 9 at 2 p.m. Eastern time. It will air weekday afternoons for nine weeks.
Anchoring the new broadcast will be Josh Elliott and Lara Spencer from "GMA." Their team of Sam Champion, Robin Roberts and George Stephanopoulos will make special appearances.
The network says "Good Afternoon America" will feature celebrities, musical performances, pop culture news and other reporting.
'GMA'
Unrealistic Expectations
RIAA
A former Boston University student who was ordered to pay $675,000 for illegally downloading and sharing 30 songs on the Internet says he will continue fighting the penalty, despite the Supreme Court's refusal Monday to hear his appeal.
Joel Tenenbaum, 28, of Providence, R.I., said he's hoping a federal judge will reduce the amount.
"I can't believe the system would uphold a six-figure damages amount for downloading 30 songs on a file-sharing system that everybody used," Tenenbaum said. "I can't believe the court would uphold something that ludicrous."
A jury in 2009 ordered Tenenbaum to pay $675,000, or $22,500 per song, after the Recording Industry Association of America sued him on behalf of four record labels, including Sony BMG Music Entertainment and Warner Brothers Records Inc. A federal judge called the penalty unconstitutionally excessive and reduced the award to $67,500, but the 1st U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals later reinstated it.
Tenenbaum argued that the U.S. Copyright Act is unconstitutional and that Congress did not intend the law to impose liability or damages when the copyright infringements amount to "consumer copying."
RIAA
Over 2,000 In 23 Years
Wrongful Convictions
More than 2,000 people who were falsely convicted of serious crimes have been exonerated in the United States in the past 23 years, according to a new archive compiled at two universities.
There is no official record-keeping system for exonerations of convicted criminals in the country, so academics set one up. The new national registry, or database, painstakingly assembled by the University of Michigan Law School and the Center on Wrongful Convictions at Northwestern University School of Law, is the most complete list of exonerations ever compiled.
The database compiled and analyzed by the researchers contains information on 873 exonerations for which they have the most detailed evidence. The researchers are aware of nearly 1,200 other exonerations, for which they have less data.
They found that those 873 exonerated defendants spent a combined total of more than 10,000 years in prison, an average of more than 11 years each. Nine out of 10 of them are men and half are African-American.
The registry excludes at least 1,170 additional defendants. Their convictions were thrown out starting in 1995 amid the periodic exposures of 13 major police scandals around the country. In all the cases, police officers fabricated crimes, usually by planting drugs or guns on innocent defendants.
Wrongful Convictions
Pretrial Diversion
Andy Dick
Comedian Andy Dick has agreed to enter a pretrial diversion program that, if completed successfully, would absolve him of sex abuse charges arising from a 2010 nightclub incident, authorities said.
Corky Hammers, an assistant prosecutor in West Virginia's Cabell County, said Monday that the program requires Dick to stay out of legal trouble for the next six months under the agreement. It allows for no drug use and no arrests during that time.
If Dick fails to comply, Hammers says Dick could be tried on felony charges stemming from the club incident in which he was accused of grabbing a bouncer's crotch and groping and kissing a male patron at a Huntington bar. At the time, Dick was in town for a comedy club performance.
Hammers said that under the agreement, Dick also could be summoned for random drug screenings and must report to the county prosecutor's office if he is arrested or has a run-in with police anywhere. He also must remain employed.
Andy Dick
Police Arrest Artist Setting Up Work
'I Love NY'
An artist who was setting up an "I Love New York"-themed public art display in Brooklyn was arrested after the wired contraption was mistaken for an explosive device.
Takeshi Miyakawa, a visual artist and furniture designer, was arrested Saturday after placing the installation in two separate areas of the same New York City neighborhood. His lawyer and employer both called the arrest a misunderstanding.
The first apparatus was found Friday morning after a caller reported a suspicious package to police. It consisted of a plastic bag that contained a battery and was suspended from a metal rod attached to a tree. The bag, which had the classic "I Love New York" logo printed on it, was connected by a wire to a plastic box that contained more wires.
The area was evacuated for two hours until a bomb squad determined that the device was not dangerous.
Miyakawa was charged with two counts of first-degree reckless endangerment, two counts of placing a false bomb or hazardous substance in the first degree, two counts of placing a false bomb or hazardous substance in the second degree, two counts of second-degree reckless endangerment and two counts of second-degree criminal nuisance.
'I Love NY'
Track Coach In Trouble
Melissa Bowerman
The daughter-in-law of Nike co-founder Bill Bowerman has been dismissed as a volunteer track coach at a small Eastern Oregon high school because she escorted a 17-year-old boy to last month's prom.
Melissa Bowerman, 41, who had been coaching the Condon/Wheeler track and field team with her 73-year-old husband, Jon Bowerman, was ousted this month in a phone call from school officials.
Melissa Bowerman said she went to the Condon High School prom with a boy from the track team because the boy felt bad about not having a date and had been struggling in English class.
Gilliam County Sheriff Gary Bettencourt, who received a complaint from a chaperone, said he has found no evidence that Melissa Bowerman broke the law.
The boy's father, meanwhile, said he gave Melissa Bowerman permission to take his son to the dance.
Melissa Bowerman
Man Becomes 3rd To Survive Plunge
Niagara Falls
A man plunged at least 180 feet over Niagara Falls and survived - only the third person known to have gone over without a safety device and live.
Niagara Parks Police say witnesses reported seeing the man climb over a railing at 10:20 a.m. Monday and "deliberately jump" into the Niagara River 20 to 30 feet above the Horseshoe Falls. He surfaced in the lower Niagara River basin near the Journey Behind the Falls observation platform.
Horseshoe Falls, on the Canadian side of the river, is the tallest of the three main falls, higher than the American Falls and Bridal Veil Falls.
The man, believed to be in his early 40s, was rescued about two hours after he collapsed in waist-deep water near the rocky shore. A waiting helicopter flew him to a hospital for treatment of what police said were life-threatening injuries. Police did not identify him.
Niagara Falls
To Be Tethered To Tightrope
Nik Wallenda
Daredevil Nik Wallenda says he's not happy about it but he'll probably be tethered to the tightrope that he plans to walk over Niagara Falls next month.
Wallenda said Monday that ABC is adamant about making him wear the safety device out of consideration for viewers who tune in to the network's three-hour, prime-time special on June 15.
"It seems as though that's what I'm going to be doing," he told The Associated Press as he prepared to walk a practice wire outside the Seneca Niagara Casino, where a fire truck sprayed water and a jet boat motor served as a powerful fan to simulate the mist and wind that occurs as water rushes over Niagara Falls to the rocky gorge below.
"I'm upset. I'm not used to it," he said. "I've never worn a tether before so it's just something else I have to contend with when I'm out there."
Nik Wallenda
Chinese Company To Buy US Chain
AMC Movie Theaters
A Chinese conglomerate announced Monday it will buy a major U.S. cinema chain, AMC Entertainment Holdings, for $2.6 billion in China's biggest takeover of an American company to date.
Dalian Wanda Group Co.'s purchase reflects the global ambitions of a wave of cash-rich Chinese companies that are using acquisitions to speed their expansion by obtaining foreign skills and brand names.
Wanda said the deal will create the world's biggest movie theater operator. The Beijing-based company said it will invest an additional $500 million to fund AMC's development. AMC operates 346 cinemas, mostly in the United States and Canada, and says it has 23 of the 50 highest-grossing U.S. outlets.
The deal reflects rising Chinese investment in U.S. corporate assets despite disputes between the two governments over trade and political issues such as this month's diplomatic standoff over a blind Chinese legal activist.
The deal is the third-largest Chinese corporate investment in the United States, according to financial research firm Dealogic. It ranks behind investments by Beijing's sovereign wealth fund, the China Investment Corp., of $5 billion in Morgan Stanley and $3 billion in Blackstone Group LP, both for minority stakes in 2007.
AMC Movie Theaters
New Name Elicits Jokes
Kraft
"MONDEWHAAAAT?"
The sarcasm was palpable in the one-word headline that appeared in The New York Post on the day after Kraft Foods revealed that it planned to name its new global snack business "Mondelez," an interpretation of a mash-up of the Latin words for "world" and "delicious." But that wasn't the only dig.
One blogger teased that she would've been "stifling giggles" if she'd been in meetings to determine the name. A Forbes contributor suggested a trick for remembering how to say it: "Just think Bush Administration Secretary of State. You know, Mon-de-leza Rice." Crain's Business Chicago tittered that it bears close resemblance to a vulgar Russian term for a sexual act.
The made-up moniker, pronounced "mon-dah-LEEZ," became a punch line after it was unveiled in March. On Wednesday, Kraft shareholders will decide whether to approve the name for the company's business that sells global snack brands such as Oreos, Fig Newton and Cadbury.
The four-month odyssey of how "Mondelez" was picked - and how it was received - illustrates the great pains companies take to come up with powerful names for their businesses, products and services. For them, it's akin to parents obsessing over a name for their newborn: it's a moniker that sticks for better or worse, so it better be good.
Kraft
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