'Best of TBH Politoons'
Dareland
Free Speech Zone:
Who I'm Voting For
Fuck football. If every single professional football player
disappeared off the face of the planet, it would have no detrimental effect upon
the earth whatsoever. You can't say that about all professions. If every single
professional airplane pilot disappeared off the face of the planet, a lot of
planes would come crashing to the ground, which would only be entertaining for a
little while. If every single professional grocery store clerk disappeared off
the face of the planet, hundreds of children would be trampled in the mad rush
towards the self-checkout lines, which would be very entertaining indeed. But
football players disappearing? All that would happen is a few misshapen balls
would fall to the ground during actual games, and millions of macho assholes
around the world would have to come up with something else to watch together on
TV while drinking beer and comparing the size of their dicks. I suggest
Sesame Street. Then they can worry about why Elmo gets them hard while
actually learning their ABCs, which is much more useful than the fact that big
strong steroid guys can run at each other and fall down and hurt themselves. How
about a little entertainment that requires brain cells. So fuck football, it's a
goddam waste of time. I'm not impressed. If I want to see people hurting each
other, I'll watch the debates. Give me a political candidate in a chokehold and
I'm happy. Can you imagine the bliss if every single professional politician
disappeared off the face of the planet? You think if we all prayed hard enough,
God would grant us this wish? Oh lord, why don't you love us enough to let
Hillary Clinton develop laser eyes that make Obama's head explode? That would be
just as entertaining as the trampled children clutching their sour gummy worms
while stampeding parents search frantically for the bar code on a mango. I'd
vote for anybody with laser eyes, especially if they had a good healthcare plan,
one that allowed everyone I dislike to die painfully. All I want to hear is
the promise. They don't even have to mean it. All they have to say is if
elected, they will personally see to it that everyone who pisses me off will
suddenly disappear, including them, and they've got my vote.
Recommended Reading
from Bruce
Sue Halpern: Are You Happy? (nybooks.com)
Chances are if someone were to ask you, right now, if you were happy, you'd say you were.
Nat Hentoff: McCain Retreats on Terror (villagevoice.com)
Though acclaimed for opposing torture, the Republican presidential nominee votes to keep it.
Neal Broverman: Mixed Messages (advocate.com)
Weeks before he was brazenly killed by his teenage crush, 15-year-old Lawrence King was encouraged to be himself. Did that lesson help send him to his grave?
What women want (books.guardian.co.uk)
Following last year's Booker win, Anne Enright is finally enjoying wider recognition - despite her work's reputation for being gloomy and obsessed with sex and death.
Heather A. O'Neill: "Across the Page: Short Stories" (afterellen.com)
Tales about LGBT teens by Nancy Garden, the best of Lesléa Newman, and Amy Bloom's classic Come to Me.
The atheist delusion (books.guardian.co.uk)
'Opposition to religion occupies the high ground, intellectually and morally,' wrote Martin Amis recently. Over the past few years, leading writers and thinkers have published bestselling tracts against God. John Gray on why the 'secular fundamentalists' have got it all wrong.
Daphne Lockyer: David Walliams on playing Frankie Howerd (entertainment.timesonline.co.uk)
David Walliams talks love, camp and the challenge of playing his childhood hero, Frankie Howerd.
Trish Bendix: Interview With Kaki King (afterellen.com)
The out musician talks about her new album, "Dreaming of Revenge."
Louis Virtel: Tell It to My Heart, Taylor Dayne (advocate.com)
It's been a roller-coaster ride in the music industry, but 1980s pop star Taylor Dayne is making a comeback with her new album. Still, diva Dayne tells us why she just isn't Satisfied.
Sophie Heawood: Josh Ritter - is he the new Dylan? (entertainment.timesonline.co.uk)
The much-admired American singer-songwriter owes his creativity to reading, walking and narcoleptic cats.
Commentoon: Dr. Laura Schless (womensenews.org)
Sylvia, by Nicole Hollander
Reader Question
Halle Berry
I thought that she had adopted the infant daughter of her second husband. Wouldn't that make her a mother already? Or was the dissolution of the adoption part of the divorce settlement?
Kris
Thanks, Kris!
You know, now that you mention it, yes, she did adopt her ex-husband's daughter before they divorced.
Haven't heard anything about Eric or India since.
Anybody know?
Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Still sunny, but cooler.
Clinton & Pitt Break Ground
New Orleans
Former President Clinton and Brad Pitt met with hundreds of volunteers in the Lower 9th Ward at the site where a foundation headed by Pitt plans to begin building affordable homes for Hurricane Katrina victims.
"We hope to see a huge change here in the next six months," Pitt told a group of residents as he posed for pictures Sunday and signed autographs.
The 44-year-old actor and Clinton walked a street as hundreds of volunteers on either side, wielding shovels and rakes, prepared the land for homes. For hours, they cleared overgrown grass and weeds that were covering street drains and sidewalks.
The Lower 9th Ward was one of the hardest-hit neighborhoods in New Orleans when Katrina struck on Aug. 29, 2005, causing the city's levee system to fail with devastating flooding.
New Orleans
Online Video Contest
Radiohead
Radiohead allowed fans to choose a price for their latest tunes. Now, the best-selling band is hoping fans will make them a music video, too.
TBD Records, Cartoon Network's Adult Swim and animation Web portal Aniboom.com are sponsoring an online contest inviting Radiohead fans to produce an animated music video for any song from "In Rainbows," the band's popular 2007 album that was originally available for download at an optional price.
Online voters and a panel of judges will select finalists with Radiohead choosing a winner who will receive a $10,000 prize to produce a full-length animated music video. The competition began Monday and continues through April 27.
Radiohead
Indecency Rule To SCOTUS
FCC
The U.S. Supreme Court said on Monday it would take up the issue of foul language on the airwaves for the first time in 30 years, agreeing to review a ruling that undercut the way regulators define indecency on television.
The high court agreed to hear an appeal by the FCC, which is seeking to reaffirm its authority to declare a single "fleeting" utterance in violation of its indecency rules.
The FCC appealed to the high court in an effort to overturn a June 4 ruling by the Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit in New York, which found that the agency had failed to justify its standard for "fleeting" indecency.
The case stemmed from an FCC ruling in March of 2006, in which the agency found News Corp's Fox television network violated decency rules when singer Cher blurted "f***" during the 2002 Billboard Music Awards broadcast and actress Nicole Richie used a variation of that word and "s***" during the 2003 awards.
FCC
Hillary Fundraiser
Elton John
Elton John will help Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton raise cash for her presidential campaign with a solo concert next month at Radio City Music Hall in New York.
"I'm not a politician but I believe in the work that Hillary Clinton does," the British musician said in a statement released by the Clinton campaign Monday.
Tickets for the "Elton and Hillary: One Night Only" performance April 9 go on sale Wednesday. Prices start at $125 for mezzanine seats, $250 for seats near the orchestra.
Elton John
Restores Raunchy Trailers
Regal Entertainment Group
In a move that will allow movie studios to inject racy jokes into the trailers they use to promote their more adult-oriented films, the nation's largest theater chain has decided to permit restricted, "red band" trailers in its multiplexes.
The move by Regal Entertainment Group, which operates 6,388 screens in 39 states and the District of Columbia, likely will lead to similar decisions at a number of the nation's other major chains.
As last week's ShoWest convention of movie theater owners in Las Vegas drew to a close, the Knoxville, Tenn.-based circuit began notifying the studios of its decision.
The news was received enthusiastically by distributors who have had to promote such R-rated comedies as "Knocked Up" and "Superbad" with sanitized, green band trailers tailored for general audiences.
Regal Entertainment Group
Hosting Miss USA in Las Vegas
Osmonds
Donnie and Marie Osmond will host the upcoming Miss USA pageant.
The Miss Universe Organization says the brother-and-sister, song-and-dance stars will perform on the NBC Universal show April 11 from the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino on the Las Vegas Strip. The network owns the pageant with real estate mogul Donald Trump.
The rival Miss America pageant crowned its 2008 queen in the same casino in January.
Osmonds
Attack Launched Hip-Hop War
Tupac Shakur
Tupac Shakur had been beaten, shot and left for dead at the Quad Recording Studios on New York's 7th Avenue. As he was borne to a waiting ambulance through a swarm of paparazzi on Nov. 30, 1994, the rap star thrust his middle finger into the air.
It was a portentous moment in hip-hop -- the start of a bicoastal war that would culminate years later in the killings of Shakur and rap's other leading star, Christopher Wallace, better known as the Notorious B.I.G.
The ambush at the Quad remains a source of fascination and frustration to music fans and law enforcement officials alike. No one has ever been charged in the attack.
Now, newly discovered information, including interviews with people who were at the studio that night, lends credence to Shakur's insistence that associates of rap impresario Sean "Diddy" Combs were behind the assault. Their alleged motives: to punish Shakur for disrespecting them and rejecting their business overtures and, not incidentally, to curry favor with Combs
Tupac Shakur
Denies LA Times' Tupac Story
Sean "Diddy" Combs
Sean "Diddy" Combs has denied a report by the Los Angeles Times that his associates were responsible for the 1994 robbery and shooting of Tupac Shakur at a New York recording studio, and that he knew about the attack in advance.
"The story is a lie," the hip-hop mogul said in a statement Monday. "It is beyond ridiculous and completely false. Neither (the late rapper Notorious B.I.G.) nor I had any knowledge of any attack before, during or after it happened. ... I am shocked that the Los Angeles Times would be so irresponsible as to publish such a baseless and completely untrue story."
The Times said its story was based on FBI records, interviews with people at the scene of the 1994 shooting, and statements to the FBI by an informant. None of the sources were named. The story said that Combs - who was overseeing B.I.G.'s white-hot career at the time - and others lured Shakur to the studio because of his disrespect toward them.
It was not clear why the story, written by Chuck Philips, was only published online. Telephone and e-mail messages to the Times were not immediately returned.
Sean "Diddy" Combs
Divorce Settled
McCartneys
Paul McCartney's divorce from Heather Mills was settled Monday for $48.6 million.
A document released by the Family Court said the judge awarded Mills a lump sum of $33 million plus the assets she currently holds worth $15.6 million.
The court also ruled that the couple's 4-year-old daughter Beatrice should receive a "periodical payments order" of $70,000 per annum. On top of that, McCartney will pay for the child's nanny and school fees.
Mills had sought almost $250 million, while McCartney had said she should receive $31.6 million, including her own assets, which the court assessed at $15.6 million.
McCartneys
Stolen From French Dealer's Home
Monet & Cezanne
Some 30 paintings by masters such as Monet, Cezanne, Corot and Sisley and a Rodin sculpture were stolen on Monday from the home of an antiques dealer near Paris, police said.
Five masked gunmen broke into the home in Le Pecq west of Paris in the early hours on Monday, sequestered the art dealer and fled with the artworks, said police.
A judicial source said that if the authenticity of the artworks is confirmed, the heist would be "priceless."
Monet & Cezanne
2 Steam Locomotives Burned
Kinzua Bridge
An arson fire early Sunday at a Biddle Street building in Kane caused $1 million in damage and severely burned two locomotives that were once used for Kinzua Bridge State Park tourist trips.
The building contained two steam locomotives owned by B. Sloan Cornell of Marienville …#8221; one a diesel locomotive and the other a luxury dining car built in the 1890s and restored in the 1930s, police said. The structure, whose owner was not immediately clear, also held numerous locomotive parts and railroad-related equipment.
The metal structure was a one-story, 44 foot-by-160 foot railroad car storage building, police said. It suffered heavy damage, as did the two trains, according to Kane Volunteer Fire Department Chief Art Brechtel. He was unsure if the trains were a total loss.
Mount Jewett, Highland Township, Sheffield, Ludlow, Kane, Hamlin Township, Wilcox and Ridgway volunteer firefighters all responded to the scene. Cpl. Thomas E. Josephson, a state police fire marshal, worked with Kane Volunteer Fire Department and Kane Borough Police in the investigation. A police dog even joined the response.
Kinzua Bridge
Defend Tradition
Lawmakers
Lawmakers defiantly chewed coca in Peru's Congress on Thursday while criticizing a U.N. recommendation to criminalize traditional uses of the plant.
The coca leaf, the raw ingredient of cocaine, is used by millions of people to stave off hunger and fight altitude sickness. It is also used in teas, in cooking and by fortune tellers.
"The coca leaf has existed for thousands and thousands of years. It's part of our agriculture, our food and our medicine. It's sacred," Congresswoman Hilaria Supa told Reuters before the start of Thursday's session.
Supa and Congresswoman Maria Sumire offered coca to their colleagues on the Congress floor from small hats. Dozens of politicians took handfuls and chewed the leaf during a raucous session with boos and hisses.
Lawmakers
Universal Pact
Dark Horse
Universal Pictures is now the new stable for Dark Horse Entertainment, one of the biggest independent comic book companies.
A three-year production and distribution agreement gives Universal access to all Dark Horse characters and properties as well as any material that Dark Horse might acquire on its own and want to develop as a motion picture.
Many Dark Horse comics already have been adapted for the screen, including "The Mask" from New Line and "Barb Wire" from PolyGram. Universal adapted "Timecop" in 1994 and "Mystery Men" in 1999 and is behind the latest Dark Horse comic movie, this summer's "Hellboy II: The Golden Army." (Sony-based Revolution made the first one in 2004.)
The partnership makes Universal the third studio to have guaranteed access to the deep well of comic book properties and stories, one of the biggest sources for movie material. Warner Bros. owns DC Comics, the home of Batman and Superman. Paramount has teamed with Marvel, the home of Spider-Man and the X-Men, for projects the comics firm hasn't licensed elsewhere.
Dark Horse
In Memory
Ola Brunkert
A former drummer for the Swedish pop band ABBA was found dead with cuts to his neck in the garden of his house on the Spanish island of Mallorca. Police said Monday an autopsy showed it was an accident.
A neighbor found the body of 62-year-old Ola Brunkert on Sunday evening at his house in a coastal area outside the eastern town of Arta, a Civil Guard spokesman told The Associated Press on condition of anonymity.
The spokesman said Brunkert hit his head against a glass door in his dining room, shattering the glass and cutting himself in the neck. He managed to wrap a towel around his neck and left the house to seek help, but collapsed in the garden.
According to ABBA's official Web site, Brunkert and bass player Rutger Gunnarsson were the only musicians to appear on all ABBA albums.
Brunkert first played with ABBA on the group's first single, "People Need Love," and toured with the band in 1977, 1979 and 1980.
Ola Brunkert
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