from Bruce
Anecdotes
Illnesses and Injuries
• Humor writer Robert Benchley once became ill and summoned a physician, who prescribed a new medication for him, although Mr. Benchley was worried about possible side effects. The next day the physician made a house call (this was a long time ago) and asked Mr. Benchley, who was lying in bed, how he was doing. “Fine,” said Mr. Benchley, “but I don’t quite know what to make of this — is this all right?” Then Mr. Benchley pulled down his blanket, revealing his thighs, to which he had glued the feathers from one of his pillows.
• Once, when he knew she would be dressed, actor Bruce Laffey knocked on comedian Beatrice Lillie’s door and started to open the door. He was surprised when she slammed the door shut in his face. When she opened the door a few moments later, she was throwing perfume in the air. Mr. Laffey asked what was wrong, and Ms. Lillie told him, “I just farted.” By the way, Ms. Lillie had an operation for hemorrhoids, then met her physician at a party; however, he didn’t recognize her. Apologizing, he said, “I don’t remember faces.”
• W.W. Jacobs, the author of Many Cargoes, met G.K. Chesterton at a dinner where Mr. Chesterton confessed to him that he had rheumatism and did not know how he was going to be able to give his speech. Mr. Chesterton solved his problem by leaning heavily on Mr. Jacobs’ shoulder while giving the speech. Later, Mr. Jacobs said that the speech was good, but it seemed to him to be the longest speech he had ever sat through.
Insults
• Sir Rudolf Bing, the general manager of the Metropolitan Opera, disliked union negotiations, especially when the union negotiators were loud in making their demands. He once said to one such union negotiator, “I’m awfully sorry. I didn’t get that. Would you mind screaming it again?” On another occasion, a negotiator asked Sir Rudolf, “Are you trying to show your contempt for the way I conduct a bargaining session?” He replied, “On the contrary, I am trying very hard to conceal it.”
• William Randolph Hearst and Marion Davies lived together although they were unmarried; however, they refused to let visitors to their San Simeon mansion do as they did. Dorothy Parker visited San Simeon, did as Mr. Hearst and Ms. Davies did, and was disinvited to the mansion. On her way out, she wrote in the guestbook: “Upon my honor / I saw a Madonna / Standing in a niche / Above the door / Of the famous wh*re / Of a prominent son of a b*tch.”
• When Sir Larry Lamb was editor of the Daily Express, he suffered a serious heart attack. Fortunately, the distinguished surgeon Gareth Rees saved his life by operating on him for nine hours. Afterward, a member of Sir Larry’s staff was quoted (anonymously) as saying that the operation had lasted so long because Dr. Rees had needed eight hours simply to locate Sir Larry’s heart.
Language
• While entertaining in India, English entertainer Joyce Grenfell collected personals in Indian newspapers, including this one: “Engagement. Mr F. d’Cunha (Lallee) of Byculla is to get buckled up to Miss Valierien shortly.” Also while in India, Ms. Joyce Grenfell saw many beggars. One beggar wore a sign saying “Help this poor lame.” Another beggar wore a sign saying “Pleseh elp this Poor dumb.” And while entertaining in the Middle East, Ms. Grenfell heard one of her hosts described as a M.T.F. When she asked what that meant, she learned that it stood for “Must Touch Flesh.”
• While in San Francisco, Mark Twain undertook to learn French. One day, a Frenchman who knew no English started asking questions of a group Mr. Twain was in. Because Mr. Twain was the only person in the group who had studied French, he listened to the Frenchman. However, before Mr. Twain had said a half-dozen words of French in reply, the Frenchman fainted, possibly from hunger. Mr. Twain got food for the Frenchman, but said later, “I’ll learn French if it kills every Frenchman in the country.”
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© Copyright Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved
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Presenting
Michael Egan
has returned to semi-retired status.
In memory.
BRUCE'S RECOMMENDATION
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Music: "On a Rainy Night in Croyden"
Two-Sided Single: “On a Rainy Night in Croyden” bound with “Better Days” (Single Version)
Artist: Trambeat
Artist Location: London, UK
Info:
“Trambeat formed in 2012 in South London. Inspired by Northern Soul, Motown, Ska and Reggae.”
Price: £1 (GBP) for 2 tracks
Genre: Northern Soul
Links:
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Trambeat Official on YouTube
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Part 6
Bruce’s Stories
I would sometimes teach students how to identify sexist and racist and discriminatory language and how to avoid writing it. One of my sample sentences was this: “Irish men are drunks.” Of course, I expected a student to identity this as a stereotype, but one of my students struck a blow for feminism by pointing out, “Irish women can be drinks, too.”
While in high school, my student Kate K. took a German class. Of course, students would use the word “herr” to refer to an adult man, with one exception: Their teacher made them call him “Mister.” Why? He did not want them to call him “Herr Ball.”
In a class on avoiding clichés and writing vividly, my students would take a cliché and give it a twist to make it a vivid expression. An example I gave my students was Tallulah Bankhead’s “I am as pure as the driven slush,” which is a variation on “I am as pure as the driven snow.” One of my students changed “Better late than never” to “Better late than later.”
By the way, I tend to wear what I want. Once I find a comfortable shirt, I will buy several of them and not worry about wearing different styles. However, I used to constantly wear solid-color shirts, but when I found out that my students were making bets on what color of shirt I would wear I did buy a few shirts with stripes of different colors.
One of the goals I had for each of the students in each of my classes was for them to lead lives of wit and intelligence. Many of my students achieved that goal. Of course, Ohio University professors and staff are also witty and intelligent, as seen by the following stories.
When English professor Calvin Thayer talked about Falstaff, the fat rogue living on his wits in Shakespeare’s Henry IV plays, he would recite a long list of Falstaff’s traits: Falstaff is an alcoholic, very fat, a spendthrift, white-bearded, etc. From when I attended Ohio University graduate school, I remember that when Dr. Thayer, who had a white beard, mentioned Falstaff’s white beard, he looked shocked, glanced up at his students, and protested, “There’s nothing wrong with that, of course.”
When Baz Luhrmann’s William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet first came out, Shakespeare scholar Samuel Crowl saw it at his local cineplex, where the number of teenyboppers who had come to see Leonardo DiCaprio play Romeo surprised him. When Mr. DiCaprio’s Romeo and Claire Danes’ Juliet first met, a young DiCaprio fan sitting behind Professor Crowl whispered, “Don’t touch him, you bitch.”
English professor Frank Fieler knew and loved books. Frequently he would make wise acquisitions for OU’s Alden Library. Once, in England, he had almost succeeded in acquiring some important first editions at an auction when a bidder for another university — that was rich because of Texas oil money — spoke up and gave a bid that was twice as large as Dr. Fieler’s. The bidder was showing off his university’s wealth by waiting until the bidding was almost over, then jumping in with a big bid. Dr. Fieler was so angry that he bid the first editions up until the other fellow’s bid was way over the books’ true value, then Dr. Fieler stalked out — to the applause of the other people in the auction house.
In the free-wheeling days of the 1960s, Edgar Whan and other English professors used to throw Frisbees in Ellis Hall.
Some students and professors show the haters that they are wrong. Robert DeMott and Dave Smith became friends in the early 1970s. They had a number of things in common that facilitated their friendship: They were or would become editors, scholars, teachers, and writers, plus both had been told as undergraduates by professors that they were “not smart enough or able enough to amount to much in the ‘real’ world” — predictions that they ignored. Mr. DeMott (actually, Dr. DeMott) became a noted John Steinbeck scholar at Ohio University, and Mr. Smith became a noted poet. By the way, at times, learning excites students. During Spring Quarter of 1970, Dr. DeMott offered a course titled “Writers of the Beat Movement.” The course drew so many students that there was standing room only, with many students spilling out of the classroom and into the hallway. Later in 1970, he taught an Honors course on beat poet Gary Snyder — the class met in a teepee on property owned by an OU art professor.
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Current Events
Thanksgiving quiz
Pick your favorite dish and see which character on The Andy Griffith Show you are. (I had so much fun that I eventually selected each one--can't disagree with their reasoning at all):
that Mad Cat, JD
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Busy day at the laundromat-of-the-darned.
‘Might Have To Run’
Howard Stern
Howard Stern continues to tease a presidential bid.
Again, the radio host said on his Howard Stern Show that he "might have to run" for commander in chief. This time, his reasoning was to fix the "mess" caused by anti-vaxxers amid the COVID-19 pandemic.
After show producer Chris Wilding spoke about COVID precautions he's taking on a vacation in Panama, Stern, 67, said on Tuesday's show that the U.S. "is turning into a third-world country because of the f**king morons we have living here. It's a sad commentary on my country."
He continued, "This is my country. I've got too many morons living here. We could be past a lot of this COVID business" if everyone just got vaccinated.
"I used to be into freedom, but I'm not anymore." Stern said. "I don't feel good about what's going on in my country. I might have to run just to clean this f**king mess up."
Howard Stern
Memorabilia Sale
The Edge
When The Edge saw the Rolling Stones perform recently, his mask allowed him to go unrecognized as he watched guitarist Ron Wood from the front row.
“I have to say one of the benefits of mask wearing is it’s like a cloaking device if you’re a famous face,” the U2 guitarist recently told The Associated Press while promoting his Music Rising charity and its Dec. 11 auction of famous guitars and other rock memorabilia to support New Orleans musicians hit hard by the pandemic.
“Ronnie has donated a beautiful guitar to our auction. So, I was so stoked,” he said.
Founded by Edge and producer Bob Ezrin, the charity was started in 2005 after Hurricane Katrina as a means of replacing instruments lost in the flood. Once the pandemic set it, it found a new mission.
Others donating guitars include Slash, Lou Reed, Steve Miller, and a bass from Paul McCartney. During the interview Edge held up a vintage photograph of McCartney playing the donated guitar in a studio while Stevie Wonder played the drums.
The Edge
Suspends Actor From Tour
‘Jesus Christ Superstar’
James D. Beeks, a stage actor who has appeared on Broadway in Kinky Boots, Aida, Ragtime, and Smokey Joe’s Cafe and most recently starred as Judas in a major touring production of Jesus Christ Superstar, was arrested yesterday in Milwaukee on charges stemming from the Jan. 6 siege of the Capitol.
Beeks, who performs in Superstar under the stage name James T. Justis, is charged by the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the District of Columbia with obstruction of Congress, a felony, as well as a misdemeanor charge of unlawfully entering a restricted building or grounds. He made his initial appearance in the Eastern District of Wisconsin after being arrested Tuesday, and was released pending further court proceedings.
The tour has suspended Beeks “(aka James T. Justis)” indefinitely “pending the outcome of the hearing,” producers announced today, adding that the “production is giving its full cooperation to the authorities while the investigation is ongoing.” Upcoming tour dates will continue as planned.
The actor, who also performs as a Michael Jackson impersonator, was identified by law enforcement officials in part by the Michael Jackson Bad Tour jacket he can be seen wearing in photographs of the Capitol siege. The Justice Department describes Beeks, 49, as “an affiliate of the Oath Keepers.”
In court documents cited by the U.S. Attorney’s Office, Beeks and other members and “affiliates” of the Oath Keepers “marched in ‘stack’ formation into the Capitol grounds and then up the east steps of the Capitol to the area outside of the Rotunda doors.”
‘Jesus Christ Superstar’
Special Edition
Comic-Con
After being canceled in 2020 because of the coronavirus pandemic, San Diego Comic-Con is back this Friday through Sunday with a smaller show.
On Wednesday, attendees got their COVID-19 wristbands and entry badges just outside of the San Diego Convention Center.
For folks such as Travis Beaty and his partner, who traveled from St. Louis to experience Comic-Con for the first time, the wait is finally over after years of unsuccessful attempts at getting tickets.
“Being a lifelong nerd and all the fandoms come together in San Diego to spread the love, it was our chance to come" he said. "So it was like: forgo Thanksgiving with the family, move Thanksgiving up a week, and get on a plane. And here we are in sunny San Diego instead of Missouri where it's cold."
Comic-Con is also taking extra safety precautions for the 2021 show including mandatory face masks and either proof of vaccination or a negative COVID-19 test.
Comic-Con
On The Brink
Madagascar
After suffering through years of drought that has devastated crop yields, the African island nation of Madagascar is on the cusp of experiencing the first official famine clearly caused by climate change, according to officials with the United Nations.
“The situation is really critical: Around 512,000 people are one step away from famine,” Shada Moghraby, a spokesperson for the U.N. World Food Program (WFP), told Yahoo News. Some families have been left with no alternative but to scavenge for food, including locusts.
Staple crops in Madagascar include rice, sugarcane, cassava and sweet potatoes, but five years of drought are taking a heavy toll.
Madagascar’s current drought is its worst in four decades. But while droughts have always been a threat to the country’s agricultural economy, scientists say that the frequency and severity of droughts there have been increased by climate change. Warmer temperatures, due to greenhouse gas emissions, cause more evaporation, leading to dried-out vegetation and intensified periods of low precipitation.
Madagascar
Becoming Too Cheap
Wind Power
The head of Siemens Gamesa warned on Wednesday that a decade-long race to bring down the cost of generating wind power could not continue, as it would reduce the financial muscle of turbine producers to continue investing in new technologies.
A boom in investments in green energy to address climate change has helped bring down the cost of wind power to a level where it can compete with fossil fuels like coal and natural gas.
"What we've clearly achieved is that wind power is now cheaper than anything else. But I believe we shouldn't make it too cheap," Chief Executive Andreas Nauen told Reuters.
In Europe, wind and solar currently are significantly cheaper than coal, natural gas and nuclear power, according to Bernstein research.
Demand for wind turbines is at a record high, driven by the green transition, but lower prices and increased competition have squeezed margins.
Wind Power
Oregon-Born Gray Wolf
OR93
An Oregon-born gray wolf that thrilled biologists as it journeyed far south into California was found dead after apparently being struck by a vehicle, authorities said Wednesday.
No foul play was suspected in the death of the male wolf known as OR93, the California Department of Fish and Wildlife said in a news release. Gray wolves are listed as endangered in California, where they were wiped out by the 1920s.
“Before his demise, he was documented traveling the farthest south in California since wolves returned to the state, which is historically wolf habitat. The last documented wolf that far south was captured in San Bernardino County in 1922,” the department said.
A truck driver reported spotting the dead wolf on Nov. 10 near the Kern County town of Lebec, about 75 miles (120 kilometers) northwest of downtown Los Angeles.
The carcass was located along a dirt trail near a frontage road running parallel to Interstate 5, and a warden who responded quickly identified the wolf as OR93 because of a radio tracking collar it wore, the department said.
OR93
Farming Couple Rescues Afghans
“Caroline’s Guys”
The U.S. soldiers called them “Caroline’s guys.” They transformed farms in a war zone - risking their lives for the program she built, sharing her belief that something as simple as apple trees could change the world.
The university-educated Afghans helped turn land in an overgrazed, drought-stricken and impoverished region in eastern Afghanistan into verdant gardens and orchards that still feed local families today.
In the process, the 12 agricultural specialists, all traditional Afghan men, formed a deep, unexpected bond with their boss, an American woman who worked as a U.S. Department of Agriculture adviser in the region for two years.
Now Caroline Clarin is trying to save them one by one, doing it all from the 1910 Minnesota farmhouse she shares with her wife, drawing from retirement funds to help a group of men who share her love of farming.
Clarin has helped get five of her former employees and their families into the U.S. since 2017, while her wife has helped them rebuild their lives in America.
“Caroline’s Guys”
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