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Presenting
Michael Egan
responded:
has returned to semi-retired status.
In memory.
Reader Suggestion
Michelle in AZ
from Bruce
Anecdotes
William R. Braddock, Esq., of Medford, New Jersey, was a Quaker and he disliked swearing. While he was writing a deed for two men, they began to argue, and as they argued, they swore at each other. Mr. Braddock told the men that he did not permit swearing in his establishment, and for a while the two men stopped swearing. But again they began to argue, and again they began to swear. Mr. Braddock stopped writing the deed, told his daughter to open the door, then he grabbed each man by the back of the neck and hurled them both into the street. The two men had not had time to get their hats, so they hired a neighborhood boy to go back and pick up their hats for them.
When comedian Kate Clinton was a teacher of "at-risk" children, a nun came in to observe her class. Ms. Clinton knew the nun was going to observe her, so she alerted all her students to come to class on time - especially one student who was notorious for his tardiness. The student stayed up late the night before to watch a baseball game, forgot about the nun, came to class tardy as usual, and said, "The f-ing Yankees suck." Then he noticed the nun and looked at Ms. Clinton, who told him, "Steve, you need to apologize to the class for what you said." Steve said, "I'm sorry I said 'suck.' Twice."
In the Old North cemetery in Portsmouth, New Hampshire is a headstone for "Benjamin M. Burnham, Originator of the Trite Swearing." Before he died in 1855, Mr. Burnham was famous for his anti-swearing pledge and for advocating the substitution of innocuous words for swear words. For example, if you were to hit your thumb with a hammer, Mr. Burnham would want you to say something like, "Oh, peanut butter fudge" instead of what I would say.
Lord Phillimore (1845-1929) once tried a man who was accused of murdering his wife. Lord Phillimore asked him, "Did you say to your wife, 'If you bloody well don't take care you will repent of it'?" The defendant replied that he couldn't have said that because he didn't use that particular word. Lord Phillimore asked, "I suppose it is the word beginning with 'b' that you do not use." The man replied, "Oh, no! I do use that word. It's the word 'repent' which I don't use."
Radio commentator Al Johnson was broadcasting a description of several wrestling matches when one of the wrestlers was thrown out of the ring and landed in his lap. Mr. Johnson said, "Get the hell off me, you son-of-a-bitch!" Then he remembered he was broadcasting live on the radio, so he added, "Please watch your language here, sir. We're doing a radio broadcast."
As a young man, Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927) acted in England. He and the other actors tended to swear, and in an attempt to break the habit, they decided to fine themselves a penny for each swear word they uttered. Unfortunately, they were forced to stop the attempt against swearing - within two hours, Mr. Jerome and the other actors were broke.
The parents of a student at Sidcot School became upset and complained, saying that a teacher had cursed at their son when he had lost a wallet. The Head of the school investigated the matter and discovered that lost property was turned over to a teacher named Helen Hunt. When the boy reported losing his wallet, he had been told, "Go to Helen Hunt for it."
Red Skelton may have used blue humor in his private life, but in vaudeville and on TV his comic material was kept scrupulously clean. When Mr. Skelton was in Nashville, he was asked why there were no four-letter words in his performances. Mr. Skelton replied, "Why should people pay me to say words they can read for free on the bathroom wall?"
Asa Branson, who originally hailed from Salem, New Jersey, but then moved to Flushing, Ohio, was an elderly Quaker who was hard of hearing and who therefore carried an ear trumpet. Some young men once tried to shock him by shouting profanity into his ear trumpet, but Mr. Branson responded by going to the nearby village pump and washing his ear trumpet.
The American baritone Lawrence Tibbett once played the title role in the opera Don Juan de Maρara, with British baritone Dennis Noble playing Don Juan's illegitimate son, Don Josι. Mr. Tibbett saw Mr. Noble in a cafe and called out to him, "This is a damn fine opera, Denny - I call you a bastard three times in the first act!"
Theater director Tyrone Guthrie could be outspoken. Once, several VIPs tried to attend a first rehearsal in America, arriving at the theater and taking seats. Mr. Guthrie walked over to them and said, "Distinguished guests, we are now going to get to work, so will you kindly f**k off."
Irish playwright Brendan Behan often used the word "bejaysus" in conversation, causing many people to think he was being blasphemous. A man once asked Mr. Behan's friend Liam Dwyer about this practice, and Mr. Dwyer replied, "It's His friends who know Him by His first name."
Andrew "Andra'" Kirkaldy, a caddy at the Royal and Ancient Golf Club at St. Andrews in Scotland, was known for his swearing. Once, a local reporter asked him about a proposal to ban swearing on the golf course, and Andra' replied, "Quite right, the damned thing should be stamped out."
Boxer Sonny Tufts once complained about the newspaper media on a live radio program. He said, "I don't give a godd*mn what newspaper people write about me.
I'm awfully sorry about my language.
Really, I'm godd*mned sorry."
Thomas Beecham once conducted in a building in Lancaster, England, in which this sign was hung: "It is strictly forbidden to use in this building the words Hell, Damn, and other Biblical Expressions."
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© Copyright Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved
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Bonus Links
Jeannie the Teed-Off Temp
Reader Comment
Current Events
Soap? Who needs soap?!
"The Trump regime argued in court that they don't have to give kids in their child concentration camps things like soap, toothbrushes, or places to sleep. At oral arguments before a three-judge panel of the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, DOJ lawyer Sarah Fabian argued that "safe and sanitary" conditions don't necessarily include things like soap, a blanket, a place to lie down, or the ability to brush your teeth."
Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
JD is on vacation.
Visit JD's site - Kitty Litter Music
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Rogue fireworks in the 'hood have sent the kitties into the house and under the furniture.
Legion Of Honor
Elton John
Elton John, a newly awarded Legion of honor pinned to his suit, joined a call Friday by French President Emmanuel Macron to fund AIDS research and treatment.
The world-acclaimed singer spoke alongside Macron before thousands of people packed into the presidential Elysee Palace courtyard for an event of the annual Fete de la Musique.
John was clearly moved at receiving France's highest award, pinned on him by Macron in a private ceremony, attended by the singer's husband David Furnish and their two children, among some 20 people in his entourage present.
The president saluted the virtuoso musician as "an icon that knew how to set an example," the Elysee Palace said.
Macron used the occasion to make a call to youth and world leaders to replenish the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria before an October summit in Lyon, France.
Elton John
World Series of Poker
James Holzhauer
Before stealing the national spotlight as the champion of 32 straight "Jeopardy!" games and becoming one of the top earners in show history, James Holzhauer was a professional sports gambler.
On Monday, he will return to his roots, albeit on a different stage.
Three weeks after his first and only "Jeopardy!" loss in 2019, an episode that drew 14.5 million viewers, the trivia sensation will make his debut at the World Series of Poker, the annual Las Vegas competition consisting of 90 different bracelet events.
That's according to Todd Dewey of the Las Vegas Review-Journal, which reported Friday that "Jeopardy James" will participate in two events at Vegas' Rio Convention Center on Monday, starting with a $1,500 buy-in No Limit Hold'em Super Turbo Bounty tournament at 11 a.m.
Fifty percent of any winnings he takes in at the WSOP will go to charity, per the Review-Journal. Holzhauer and his wife, Melissa, have reportedly donated about $300,000 of their $2.46 million "Jeopardy!" haul to various charities in the last month. The $2.46 million prize total stands as the third highest in "Jeopardy!" history behind just Brad Rutter and Ken Jennings.
James Holzhauer
King & Queen
Mermaid Parade
Woody Guthrie's children, Arlo and Nora Guthrie, are king and queen of this year's Coney Island Mermaid Parade.
Saturday's colorful spectacle of participants in zany aquatic costumes ushered in the New York summer for the 37th time.
This year, the corner of Mermaid Avenue and West 35th Street in Brooklyn is being named Woody Guthrie Way.
The songwriter famous for "This Land is Your Land" and his wife moved into a modest first-floor apartment on Mermaid Avenue in 1943, and that's where the siblings grew up.
Arlo is famous singer-songwriter in his own right, most famous for "Alice's Restaurant."
Mermaid Parade
Gives $100,000 To Hurricane-Ravaged High School Band
Barry Manilow
There just aren't enough Barry Manilow news days, in our opinion. The just-turned 76-year-old easy-listening songwriting legend is still performing in Vegas, and also runs the Manilow Music Project, which is "keeping dreams alive one instrument at a time" by donating to school music programs, and has given over $10 million in total to date over more than three decades. The website says that Manilow created the project in honor of his own high school orchestra in Brooklyn and is primarily focused on supplying instruments, which can run over $1,000 per violin and more than $7,000 per tuba.
Barry Manilow just announced this year's winners from his stage in Vegas, with four runners-up and a special award for best video. According to KATU, Manilow said he was bombarded by video entries before deciding to give the grand-prize award to the marching band of East Duplin High School in North Carolina, in "an area still recovering from Hurricane Florence." The fortunate winners will receive $100,000 in instruments and band uniforms.
In the video, Manilow says that he heard from kids who told him that "band classes helped them to make friends they couldn't make in other classes
I know exactly what you're talking about." The winning East Duplin Marching Band video shows how the band members all stayed in touch even while school was shut down after the hurricane, calling themselves a family several times over, and when the band director chokes up, it's hard for the viewer not to as well.
Manilow thanks the winners "for your passion, your heart, and your talent." If Barry Manilow is thanking you for those things, kids, you are definitely doing something right. Manilow then closes his video with some strains of "Copacabana," because of course he knows what his true show-stopper is.
Barry Manilow
Sues Ex-President
NRA
The National Rifle Association has sued its former president, Oliver North, for what it called "conduct harmful to the NRA" as turmoil that was exposed publicly when North resigned two months ago continued Thursday when the organization also turned against its longtime chief lobbyist.
The lawsuit filed Wednesday in New York sought a judge's declaration that the NRA isn't required to pay North's legal bills.
North stepped down from the post in April after serving for a year. The lawsuit said he "departed office after a widely publicized, failed coup attempt."
The suit also accused top NRA official Chris W. Cox of conspiring with North to oust the organization's chief executive, Wayne LaPierre.
The New York Times reported that the NRA has suspended Cox, who said the allegations were "offensive and patently false."
NRA
'Sitting Ducks' As Sea Level Rises
Marshall Islanders
Marshall Islands President Hilda Heine stressed Friday the need for dramatic climate action and international support to ensure her people are not left as "sitting ducks" when sea levels inevitably rise.
In an interview with AFP in Geneva, Heine detailed a range of projects underway aimed at helping prepare and adapt her far-flung country, made up of 1,156 low-lying islands, scattered over 29 coral atolls, to rapidly shifting realities brought on by climate change.
"We have to do something, because the only other option is to sit there and wait for the water to come," she said.
Most of the Marshall Islands lie less than two metres (6.5 feet) above sea level, leaving the Pacific Ocean archipelago's some 55,000 inhabitants "sitting ducks when it comes to sea level rise," she said.
Heine lamented that many countries were not taking the threat against small island states seriously enough. She described Washington's decision to withdraw from the Paris climate accords as "deeply disappointing".
Marshall Islanders
Intruder Tries To Claim Ownership
Halle Berry
Halle Berry, 52, is caught up in a very strange case of attempted home invasion after a man showed up to her Los Angeles pad with a fake deed and a locksmith to change all of the locks.
According to TMZ, someone who works at Halle's house called the police when the intruder, named Ronald Eugene Griffin, arrived on her property back in March and was later arrested.
He managed to have one of her door locks changed before raising enough suspicion to be confronted by a member of her staff, which prompted the trespassing call.
But instead of retreating, the odd-ball actually dialed the cops himself and tried to claim ownership over the "Catwoman" star's pad. When the L.A.P.D. arrived on scene, he even showed them a bogus deed to the house.
Eugene, 59, had apparently been to Halle's home once before back in January, but took off running when her gardener caught him messing around with the locks.
Halle Berry
Approved by The FDA Despite ...
'Female Viagra'
The Food and Drug Administration on Friday approved sales of a new drug intended to enhance sexual desire in women.
Marketed as Vyleesi, also known as bremelanotide, the medication is a shot that comes in a push pen device that can be self-administered as needed for premenopausal women who experience distress as a result of low sexual desire.
Julie Krop, chief medical officer for AMAG Pharmaceuticals Inc., which makes the drug, recommends using it about 45 minutes before the "anticipation" of intimacy. She said the drug is a synthetic hormone that activates key brain receptors involved in sexual responses by reducing inhibition and increasing what's known as neural excitation.
The FDA acknowledged that it's not clear how Vyleesi acts in the brain to affect sexual desire or distress. It advises women to use no more than one dose in 24 hours or eight a month.
Critics have pointed out that nearly all of the doctors on the recent panel that defined HSDD were consultants or advisory board members for Sprout Pharmaceuticals, the drugmaker that introduced the world to the first women's libido drug, Addyi, also known as flibanserin, in 2015.
'Female Viagra'
Requested Mariah Carey Cake
Marie Curie
A woman in England who recently celebrated her birthday requested a cake decorated with a picture of her favorite singer, Mariah Carey. However the birthday girl was probably feeling emotions when she saw the result, which was topped not with the singer of "Hero" but with the face of one of science's heroes: Marie Curie, who conducted groundbreaking work on radioactivity.
As a cake topper, the renowned scientist looked "very festive," said writer Harriet Alida Lye, who tweeted a photo of the cake on June 14.
Lye's tweet about her cousin's cake - which read "Happy Birthday Siobhan" around Curie's somber face, and was surrounded by pink-frosted cupcakes - was shared more than 43,000 times, and has since received over 200,000 likes.
Carey's prowess as a musician is notable: She is a world-renowned recording artist who earned five Grammy Awards since the release of her debut album in 1990.
Marie Curie was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize, but her achievements didn't stop there. In 1911, she won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for her discovery of the elements radium and polonium. She is the only woman to have won the Nobel Prize twice and the only person to have been awarded the Nobel Prize in two scientific fields.
Marie Curie
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