'Best of TBH Politoons'
Baron Dave Romm
Saint Bush
By Baron Dave Romm
Shockwave Radio Theater podcasts
Sorry, no column this week, as I was unexpectedly busy. So I'll pass on a joke going around in e-mail that I haven't seen on Bartcop-E yet.
pResident George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church outside Washington as part of his campaign to restore his poll standings. Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop and said to him, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the President's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, Katrina, and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the Church of US$100,000 if during your sermon you'd say the President is a Saint."
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The Church is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."
Bush showed up to church.
This was the sermon:
"I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our President. George Bush is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people. He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money, causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated country on earth."
"He appointed cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction during Hurricane Katrina. He awarded contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty in this country, and a greater gap between rich and poor, than we've had since the Depression. He instituted illegal wiretaps when getting a warrant from a secret court would have been a mere administrative detail, had his henchmen lie to Congress about it, then claimed he is above the law."
"He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome. The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of $7.6 trillion; gas prices are up 85%, and vital research into global warming and stem cells is stopped cold because he's afraid to lose votes from some religious kooks."
"He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known
But compared to Dick Cheney and Karl Rove, George Bush is a Saint."
I wonder what McCain's campaign manager would say to the Bishop?
Baron Dave Romm is a conceptual artist and a noble of Ladonia who produces Shockwave Radio Theater, writes in a Live Journal demi-blog, plays with a very weird CD collection and an ever growing list of political links. Dave Romm reviews things at random for obscure web sites. You can read all his music recommendations from Bartcop-E. Podcasts of Shockwave Radio Theater. Permanent archive. More radio programs, interviews and science fiction humor plays can be accessed on the Shockwave Radio audio page.
Thanks to everyone who has sent me music to play on the air.
--////
Recommended Reading
from Bruce
Garrison Keillor: Eulogy for the Winnebago
Eighty-six percent of the American people believe the price of gasoline will climb to five bucks a gallon this year, a big shift in public opinion from a year ago when most people felt that oil prices were spiking high and would soon return to normal-which is 35 cents a gallon, same as a pack of smokes-and we'd be able to head west in our Winnebagos for a nice summer vacation.
Lloyd Garver: Do A Push-Up, Go To Jail (huffingtonpost.com)
Researchers at the University of Arkansas have determined that those with the best bodies aren't necessarily the best people.
Deepak Chopra: How to Approach Religion: Laugh and Laugh Again (huffingtonpost.com)
The inability of some religious people to laugh at themselves betrays, I think, a great deal of insecurity. What if God was a two-year-old toddler and you were his mother?
David Medsker: A Chat with Black Tide bassist Zakk Sandler (bullz-eye.com)
We got turned on to old-school metal from friends and TV, and the internet. It's just a really easy genre to get into, and the whole '80s metal scene was awesome!
RJ Eskow: Who Fights for the Music? Who Speaks for the Songs? (huffingtonpost.com)
There are groups to represent record companies, artists, and composers -- but who speaks for the music?
Tarantino to double up again for new film "Inglorious Bastards" (film.guardian.co.uk)
Quentin Tarantino will split his upcoming wartime romp in two in the vein of his "Kill Bil"l films and the original US release of "Grindhouse."
Roger Ebert: Get Smart (3 1/2 stars)
The closing credits of "Get Smart" mention Mel Brooks and Buck Henry, creators of the original TV series, as "consultants." Their advice must have been: "If it works, don't fix it." There have been countless comic spoofs of the genre founded by James Bond, but "Get Smart" (both on TV and now in a movie) is one of the best. It's funny, exciting, preposterous, great to look at, and made with the same level of technical expertise we'd expect from a new Bond movie itself. And all of that is very nice, but nicer still is the perfect pitch of the casting.
Roger Ebert: Unbreakable (3 stars; An Overlooked DVD)
At the center of "Unbreakable" is a simple question: "How many days of your life have you been sick?" David Dunne, a security guard played by Bruce Willis, doesn't know the answer. He is barely speaking to his wife Megan (Robin Wright Penn), but like all men, he figures she remembers his life better than he does. She tells him she can't remember him ever being sick, not even a day. They have this conversation shortly after he has been in a train wreck that killed everybody else on board, but left him without a scratch. Now isn't that strange.
Will and disgrace (film.guardian.co.uk)
Is there any dirt at all to be found on Will Smith, the last action hero? Yes, says Pete Cashmore.
Paul Collins: HAS MODERN LIFE KILLED THE SEMICOLON? (slate.com)
When the Times of London reported in 1837 on two University of Paris law profs dueling with swords, the dispute wasn't over the fine points of the Napoleonic Code. It was over the point-virgule: the semicolon. "The one who contended that the passage in question ought to be concluded by a semicolon was wounded in the arm," noted the Times. "His adversary maintained that it should be a colon."
Tim Harford: "You're Saving Enough for Retirement (Probably)" (slate.com)
Don't worry-you won't have to live on ramen and cat food.
How long can you last without getting sick?
Play our new addictive, nation-changing, sneezing nose game, "Don't Get Sick." Nearly 50% of private-sector workers--and almost 80% of all service sector employees--don't have a single paid sick day. It's ridiculous. No one should have to work sick, or risk losing their job or needed pay because they get sick, and kids shouldn't have to stay home alone while they're sick. Have fun & make a difference!
Hubert's Poetry Corner
Oncore to Hardcore
Based on recent true events, but still wondering just how much pleasure that one person can take?
Maybe the zEN mAN can take pictures if successful in this requested act?
A: Badminton
Reader Suggestion
'wait wait don't tell me'
hi marty,
first...my sympathies on the horrible hot weather you are experiencing. It's one reason I'm not down there anymore. Now I'm in Oregon and while we have our share of hot weather, nothing like you've had. Although with global warming who knows what the future may bring.
I just discovered this radio show. I can't remember where I was surfing when I found it and if I found it on your site, sorry for the duplication.
But it's a very amusing show on npr called "wait wait don't tell me". There is a live show but I don't know the times. I only had a chance to listen to a few segments of the most recent show. But it caused me to laugh out loud and I always like those kinds of things.
so here it is. I like to share good stuff, esp with you since you have the best links of anyone on the web.I hope you like it as well.
Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Not quite as hot, but still unpleasant.
Donatella Versace Dedicates Spring-Summer 2009 Collection
Barack Obama
The latest "first" for Barack Obama comes off the Milan runway.
Calling the U.S. presidential hopeful "the man of the moment," Donatella Versace dedicated her Spring-Summer 2009 collection presented Saturday evening to Obama, creating a style she said was designed for "a relaxed man who doesn't need to flex muscles to show he has power."
Chatting with reporters in the cool of the garden of her private palazzo in downtown Milan at an after-show dinner party, the designer also had some fashion tips for the campaign trail. "I would get rid of the tie and jazz up the shirt," she said.
Barack Obama
Documentary Festival
Silverdocs
Films about a British neurosurgeon in Ukraine, a U.S. banjo player seeking the instrument's African roots and a battle over a community garden in a poor Los Angeles neighbourhood were top winners at the Silverdocs documentary festival on Sunday.
"The Garden," by director Scott Hamilton Kennedy, won a Sterling award for best U.S. feature. It depicted the fight to save a 14-acre garden, which blossomed after the 1992 Los Angeles riots, from a developer who bought the land.
The festival, now in its sixth year, has become a major showcase of documentary films. It is sponsored by the American Film Institute and Discovery Communications. The winners were chosen from among 108 films from 63 countries.
Silverdocs also awarded a Sterling prize for best international feature to "The English Surgeon," by director Geoffrey Smith.
Silverdocs
International Music Competition
Jose Iturbi
More than $250,000 in prizes were announced Sunday after a weeklong competition that mingled features from "American Idol" with the world of classical music.
Top prizes of $50,000 in the Jose Iturbi International Music Competition were awarded to soprano Angela Meade, 30, a resident artist at Philadelphia's Academy of Vocal Arts, and pianist Mariya Kim, 26, of the Ukraine and Germany. Kim also shared the $3,000 Spanish Prize.
The competition's sponsoring Jose Iturbi Foundation is named for the renowned concert pianist who appeared in several MGM musicals in the 1940s. It is dedicated to preserving Iturbi's legacy and to fulfilling his desire to bring emerging classical pianists and vocalists to the public's attention.
Jose Iturbi
Rare Footage Fetches $60,000
'The Misfits'
Candid footage of Marilyn Monroe on the set of her last completed film brought in $60,000 at an auction of movie memorabilia Saturday.
The two reels of silent, 8-millimeter color film shot on the set of "The Misfits" had been expected to draw starting bids of between $10,000 and $20,000.
The auction also included the original disco ball from "Saturday Night Fever" and an original script of "The Godfather" signed by Marlon Brando. The sale was held by Julien's Auctions at Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino.
Items sold early Saturday included a suit worn by Elvis Presley in the film "Viva Las Vegas," which drew a bid of $36,325. Alfred Hitchcock's driver's license sold for $8,000, and an original "King Kong" French film poster sold for $40,625, according to the auction officials.
'The Misfits'
High Fuel Prices Cut Tours
Indie Bands
Steven Garcia pulled into a Houston gas station recently to fill up the old Dodge van his punk band uses on summer tours.
For months, the 23-year-old singer-guitarist had been budgeting money and booking show dates for Something Fierce's third tour - but skyrocketing gas prices have put the brakes on those plans.
"Once I ran the numbers it was a 'There's no (expletive) way' kind of moment," Garcia said. After much hand-wringing and grumbling from bookers who'd scheduled the band to play, Garcia canceled the tour.
On the grass-roots level, cost has always been a concern for touring bands. But the nearly $2,500 in gas Garcia and his two bandmates would have had to pay just to make it to Vancouver, Canada, and back was too much to overcome.
Indie Bands
Temping At MTP
Tom Brokaw
Veteran news anchor Tom Brokaw has agreed to moderate NBC's "Meet the Press" through the November election to fill the vacancy created by the death of St. Tim Russert.
Brokaw will start next week, the network announced Sunday. Anchor Brian Williams did the show this week and announced the decision at its end.
The decision gives NBC a well-known, authoritative presence yet another white man at the helm of the broadcast in an election year. "Meet the Press" dominated the Sunday morning ratings under Russert, reportedly earning $60 million in revenue, and Brokaw's presence could blunt any effort by ABC's second-place "This Week" with George "Judas Maximus" Stephanopoulos to cut into the edge.
Tom Brokaw
Surfers Vs. Paparazzi
Malibu Beach
The last thing big, buff, muscled, action star Matthew McConaughey needs is for someone to fight his battles, but a group of Malibu surfers did just that for him Saturday when they went after a pack of paparazzi and got into a wild scuffle caught on tape.
Video footage of the contrempts was posted on TMZ.com and x17online.com, two sites that deal in celebrity cheese and drama.
The videos show McConaughey -- that sexy shirtless devil -- surfing in his element about 100 feet from a swarm of photogs. The video then shows more than a dozen young boardshort-clad surfers, some drinking beer, walking towards the media cluster.
McConaughey was not involved in the fight.
Malibu Beach
Closing In Minneapolis
Theatre de la Jeune Lune
A Tony Award-winning Twin Cities theater is closing and will be sold to repay a $1 million debt.
Theatre de la Jeune Lune, which won a Tony Award in 2005 as the nation's outstanding regional playhouse, is closing at the end of July. The performance company's board voted Saturday for the closure.
For three decades the company often borrowed text from ancient playwrights or contemporary writers and blended it with their own words, music and imagination.
The company was founded in 1978 by Minneapolis resident Barbra Berlovitz and Parisians Dominique Serrand and Vincent Gracieux. The three studied together at the International Theater School of Jacques Lecoq in Paris. Robert Rosen, a childhood friend of Berlovitz, also joined the group.
Theatre de la Jeune Lune
A Divided Europe
Divided Village
When Stanislava Subach wants to lay flowers on her husband's grave, she puts them in a plastic shopping bag and adds some stones for weight.
The package is then tossed over a metal fence and into what is now another country, to be picked up by former neighbors and placed on the grave.
Now a fence runs along the border, representing a new version of the Iron Curtain that separated Eastern and Western Europe until communism collapsed. The autocratic regime of Belarus portrays this heavily policed border as the last line of defense against an encroaching West, represented by Lithuania, now a member of the European Union and NATO.
Here the fence cuts right through the village, separating Pyatskuny on the Belarus side from its Lithuanian half, Norviliskes. Villagers are cut off from the neighbors, the parish church and the cemetery, just a few steps but a whole world away.
Divided Village
Plantation Attic Holds 400 Years Of Documents
Poplar Grove
For four centuries, they were the ultimate pack rats. Now a Maryland family's massive collection of letters, maps and printed bills has surfaced in the attic of a former plantation, providing a firsthand account of life from the 1660s through World War II.
The documents include maps, letters, financial records, political posters, even a lock of hair from a letter dated Valentine's Day, 1801. There's a love poem from the 1830s (in which a young man graphically tells his sweetheart what he'd do if he sneaked into her room on a winter's night), along with war accounts and bills of sale from slaves and crops.
The papers come from several generations of the Emory family, prominent tobacco and wheat farmers who settled here on a land grant from Lord Baltimore in the 1660s.
The former Poplar Grove plantation is still in family hands, though the mansion now is used only as a hunting lodge. The documents were moldering in an attic until students touring the house started sorting through them this spring.
Poplar Grove
Reporter Breaks Back
Rebekah Metzler
It sounds like a cushy reporting assignment: Get strapped inside a huge inflatable ball and go rolling down a hill at a Maine ski area.
It wasn't quite cushy enough for Sun Journal reporter Rebekah Metzler. She has a fractured back after her ride Thursday.
She and a photographer were strapped into a car-size plastic sphere known as the Zorb when it bounced off a hay-encased post, went airborne and landed hard.
The Zorb had been scheduled to open to the public at the Lost Valley ski area this weekend. Now that's delayed because state officials say a permit may be needed.
Rebekah Metzler
AC/DC Cover 'A Musical Offence'
Celine Dion
French-Canadian chanteuse Celine Dion is responsible for the world's worst cover version -- a rendition of rockers AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" -- Total Guitar magazine said in a poll.
In second place was a Sugababes and Girls Aloud version of Aerosmith and Run DMC's "Walk This Way", followed by Westlife's version of Extreme's "More Than Words".
Will Young's cover of The Doors' classic "Light My Fire" came fourth, with spoof lounge singer The Mike Flowers Pops' reworking of "Wonderwall" in fifth.
Celine Dion
Weekend Box Office
'Get Smart'
Audiences still get Maxwell Smart. Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway's "Get Smart," the Warner Bros. big screen update of the 1960s spy sitcom, raked in $39.2 million to debut as the No. 1 weekend movie, according to studio estimates Sunday.
But movie-goers did not get Mike Myers' "The Love Guru," the weekend's other new wide release. The Paramount Pictures comedy about a self-help mentor took in just $14 million to open at No. 4.
Estimated ticket sales for Friday through Sunday at U.S. and Canadian theaters, according to Media By Numbers LLC. Final figures will be released Monday.
1. "Get Smart," $39.2 million.
2. "Kung Fu Panda," $21.7 million.
3. "The Incredible Hulk," $21.6 million.
4. "The Love Guru," $14 million.
5. "The Happening," $10 million.
6. "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," $8.4 million.
7. "You Don't Mess With the Zohan," $7.2 million.
8. "Sex and the City," $6.5 million.
9. "Iron Man," $4 million.
10. "The Strangers," $1.9 million.
'Get Smart'
In Memory
George Carlin
George Carlin, the dean of counterculture comedians whose biting insights on life and language were immortalized in his "Seven Words You Can Never Say On TV" routine, died of heart failure Sunday. He was 71.
Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, went into St. John's Medical Center in Santa Monica on Sunday afternoon complaining of chest pain and died later that evening, said his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He had performed as recently as last weekend at the Orleans Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas.
Carlin constantly pushed the envelope with his jokes, particularly with the "Seven Words" routine. When he uttered all seven at a show in Milwaukee in 1972, he was arrested for disturbing the peace.
When the words were played on a New York radio station, they resulted in a Supreme Court ruling in 1978 upholding the government's authority to sanction stations for broadcasting offensive language.
He produced 23 comedy albums, 14 HBO specials, three books, a couple of TV shows and appeared in several movies. Carlin hosted the first broadcast of "Saturday Night Live" and noted on his Web site that he was "loaded on cocaine all week long."
He won four Grammy Awards, each for best spoken comedy album, and was nominated for five Emmy awards. On Tuesday, it was announced that Carlin was being awarded the 11th annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.
Carlin was born May 12, 1937 and grew up in the Morningside Heights section of Manhattan, raised by a single mother. After dropping out of high school in the ninth grade, he joined the Air Force in 1954. He received three court-martials and numerous disciplinary punishments, according to his official Web site.
While in the Air Force he started working as an off-base disc jockey at a radio station in Shreveport, La., and after receiving a general discharge in 1957, took an announcing job at WEZE in Boston.
From there he went on to a job on the night shift as a deejay at a radio station in Forth Worth, Texas. Carlin also worked variety of temporary jobs including a carnival organist and a marketing director for a peanut brittle.
In 1960, he left with a Texas radio buddy, Jack Burns, for Hollywood to pursue a nightclub career as comedy team Burns & Carlin. He left with $300, but his first break came just months later when the duo appeared on the Tonight Show. Carlin said he hoped to would emulate his childhood hero, Danny Kaye, the kindly, rubber-faced comedian who ruled over the decade that Carlin grew up in — the 1950s — with a clever but gentle humor reflective of its times.
"I was doing superficial comedy entertaining people who didn't really care: Businessmen, people in nightclubs, conservative people. And I had been doing that for the better part of 10 years when it finally dawned on me that I was in the wrong place doing the wrong things for the wrong people," Carlin reflected recently as he prepared for his 14th HBO special, "It's Bad For Ya."
Carlin's first wife, Brenda, died in 1997. He is survived by wife Sally Wade; daughter Kelly Carlin McCall; son-in-law Bob McCall; brother Patrick Carlin; and sister-in-law Marlene Carlin.
George Carlin
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