'TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
Reader Review
'The Master of Disguise'
By Way Too Much Sense! (TM)
I am a fan of Dana Carvey. Anyone who has ever seen
his portrayal of former President George H. W. Bush
recognizes that Dana Carvey is a very funny person as
well as a superb character actor. Too bad we didn't
see any of his considerable talent in The Master of
Disguise, a movie so appallingly dreadful, it makes
one wonder why Columbia Pictures would bother
releasing it.
Some movies, by their sheer badness, are comically entertaining. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is such a film. The Master of Disguise is not; it's just awful. It is so awful that the words cannot be found in the English language to describe its awfulness. To say that this movie sucks is an understatement in the same way one might describe the attack on the World Trade Center as a "childish prank."
Never before have I seen a comedy that was so completely and totally humor-free. The sheer absence of humor in this movie was so evident, it could be compared to the "nonfat" version of some food item that one loves, like ice cream. It never occurred to the people who invented such a freak of nature that it was the milkfat that made ice cream taste good in the first place. Likewise, why anyone would want to make a humor-free comedy is anyone's guess, but I find it hard to believe that anyone could make a more un-funny comedy unless it were done deliberately.
What I find even more tragic is that Brent Spiner, an unfairly typecast and underrated actor who I truly admire, was conned into playing a significant role in this film. This film is so insultingly horrible that it drags otherwise comptetent actors down into its abyss. His portrayal of Devlin Bowman, the chief villain, reminded me of the episode of Star Trek - The Next Generation, in which Data was attempting desperately to understand the concept of humor by imitating other comedians - and failing miserably. His performance, which I am sure he already regrets, was as if the personality-challenged Season One version of Data was doing the acting. I would be surprised if Mr. Spiner ever got work playing anyone other than Data again, so damaging as this film undoubtedly was to his reputation as an actor.
How did they come up with a name so pathetically stupid as Pistachio Disguisey? What was with that cheesy fake-a Italian accent-a? Did Carvey actually expect anyone to believe he was Italian? "If he's Italian, then Tony Soprano is Chinese," I said aloud in the otherwise empty movie theater. The accent wasn't even funny. It was annoying, grating on the nerves, and we were expected to sit through it for an hour and a half. After about fifteen minutes, the three of us snuck across the hall where M. Night Shayamalan's Signs was playing. We just couldn't take it anymore.
Way Too Much Sense! (TM)
=====
For commentary that makes sense...www.way2muchsense.com
New issue every Monday at noon.
Joan Rivers, Tour Guide
from Alex
Joan Rivers, sporting a skintight red suit and puffy red lips, shocked a busload of overheated tourists yesterday with her outrageous opinions and one-liners.
The tourists, who happened to be strolling on Fifth Avenue at 47th Street, were offered a free sightseeing trip, with Rivers as their guide, as part of a guerrilla marketing campaign by
Cingular Wireless, which has also used Darrell Hammond and Spike Lee for the job.
Heading east, Rivers told the passengers, "You want to go to the East Side in the 60s and 70s. That's where you want to be run over, you'll have a better lawsuit!" Among her other one-liners:
* "The Waldorf-Astoria is where those Hilton sluts, Gimme and Showme, live."
* "New York is great for knockoffs - but if you're buying a watch, test it, 'cause you'll never see that sonofab- - - - again."
* "If you're looking for diamonds, you go first to Van Cleef & Arpels or Harry Winston, and then you see Mr. Schwartz in the Diamond District.''
* "In New York, if you have clout, you can do anything. It's a wonderful, corrupt city - look at Donald Trump!"
The jokes seemed to go over well, except when one woman felt faint from the heat and had to get off the bus. Rivers, whose own makeup was melting, obliged.
For the rest, Joan Rivers, Tour Guide
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Today was cooler than yesterday. Wonderfully overcast til nearly lunchtime.
The magnolias are still in bloom, and so is the pink hibiscus. Waiting for the next round of birds o'paradise.
Yesterday, while on our trek to the aquarium, noticed a new presence in the harbor. Guys in uniforms with very officious attitudes patrolling
the area in new boats. The area has been popular with the local fishermen since before I landed here in 1990. Now, all of a sudden, there is no
more fishing in the area. The new officers will tell you it's been prohibited for years, and they are now here to enforce it, among other things.
The officer we dealt with seriously lacked 'people skills'.
So, that reminded me of an excursion last August. Back when I had more time to piss away online, I played trivia. Met some wonderful people, and
followed up with meeting in person. Last August, we were to meet up with 2 couples, one set from Arizona & one from east of LA at Ruby's Diner on
the Seal Beach pier. As we were leaving the restaurant, a group of about 20 - 25 incredibly buff, short-haired men, wearing bright red t-shirts and camo-pants, with
a variety of weaponry hanging from their respective belts, appeared from the fishing dock. On the bright red t-shirts, in bold black print was
GOPLAT. Of course I googled as soon as I got home. Here is the home page.
Tonight, Friday, CBS starts te night with '48 Hours', then a fresh 'Big Brother 3', and another '48 Hours'.
On a rerun Dave (from 6/14/02), the scheduled guests are Matt Damon and comic Marc Maron. Fresh shows resume Monday.
Scheduled on a fresh (?) Craiggers are Jack Black, Bridget Moynahan, and Finesse Mitchell.
NBC starts the night with 'Dateline', then a fresh 'Firehouse' and a rerun 'Law & Order: Criminal Intent'.
Scheduled on a fresh Jay are Martin Sheen, Anna Nicole Smith, and Snoop Dogg. Reruns next week.
Scheduled on a fresh Conan are Luke Perry, Tracy Morgan, and Tom Kenny. Reruns next week (and the week after, too).
Scheduled on a fresh Carson Daly are Kenny Mayne and Bow Wow. Yep, reruns next week.
ABC reruns yet another episode of 'America's Funniest Home Videos', then 2 reruns of 'Whose Line', and wraps with '20/20'.
The WB starts the night with 2 reruns of 'Sabrina', then reruns of 'Reba' and 'Raising Dad'.
Faux, at least east of these parts has 'NFL Preseason: Da Bears visit in St. Louis' in prime time. On the left coast, scheduled are reruns of 'King Of The Hill', 'Drew Carey' and the 'Simpsons'.
UPN has another of those really good movies (sarcasm alert), 'Fair Game'.
Check local PBS listings for 'NOW With Bill Moyers'.
Starting at 10am (edt), TCM celebrates Elvis Presley with damn near every movie he ever made.
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
'Law & Order' Candidate
Fred Thompson
Sen. Fred Thompson is on track to be the new chief prosecutor on Dick Wolf's long-running NBC drama "Law & Order," sources said.
The Republican senator from Tennessee is poised to join the cast of the Emmy-winning drama from Wolf Films and Universal Network Television in the fall as a regular. The deal will mark
the first foray into series television for the lawyer and former actor, who appeared in 18 films before he was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1994.
In "Law & Order," Thompson will play a newly appointed district attorney assigned to supervise assistant district attorneys Jack McCoy ( Sam Waterston) and Serena Southerlyn ( Elisabeth
Rohm). He is set to fill the void left by the departure of Dianne Wiest, who played the district attorney during the past two seasons.
Thompson, whose Senate term ends in January, also is expected to appear on NBC's other two "Law & Order" series, "Special Victims Unit" and "Criminal Intent," sources said.
Fred Thompson
www.mnftiu.cc | get your war on | page thirteen
Cancelled By Comedy Central
Ben Stein
Comedy Central has canceled the game show "Win Ben Stein's Money" after six seasons.
New episodes, which already have been taped, are scheduled to begin airing weeknights starting Oct. 28, with repeats running through 2003, Comedy Central spokesman Steve Albani said Thursday.
Stein, a 57-year-old former columnist and speech writer for President Nixon, has appeared in such movies as "Ferris Bueller's Day Off."
Ben Stein
Sold A Chunk Of AOL Stock
Ted Turner
AOL Time Warner Inc. Vice Chairman Ted Turner sold 395,000 AOL shares early last month for $12.64 each, according to a filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission.
The sale by Turner, the media giant's largest individual shareholder, amounted to nearly $5 million. AOL Time Warner's shares closed up 25 cents at $11.05 on the New York Stock Exchange.
The outspoken media mogul, who has been vocal about his displeasure at the drop in his AOL stake, has been selling about $5 million of shares each month since May to fulfill his philanthropic obligations
and to ensure environmental maintenance of his 2 million acres of land.
As of the end of July, Turner directly held about 122 million AOL shares, according to the filing.
Ted Turner
'Hairspray' Premiere
John Waters & Patricia Hearst
John Waters and Patricia Hearst arrive at the Neil Simon Theatre for the premiere of the Broadway musical "Hairspray" Thursday, Aug. 15, 2002 in New York. ''Hairspray'' is based on Waters' 1988 movie about an
overweight girl in Baltimore who wants to become a regular on an afterschool pop music television show.
Photo by Tina Fineberg
Ravers Climb Ev'ry Mountain
'Teknival'
Thousands of techno revellers have outwitted French police by taking their rave, banned in France, up an Alpine mountain and cranking up their sound
systems just over the border in Italy.
After playing a game of cat-and-mouse with French police overnight, around 3,000 ravers began their "Teknival", planned to take place "somewhere in
the south of France", at some 2,000 metres altitude on the Col de Larche mountain, officials said on Thursday.
Wrapped up in warm clothes, the ravers set up their sound systems on Italian territory some 200 metres from France and began to party on both sides
of the unfenced border -- their music equipment beyond the clutches of French police.
Under a new French law, organisers of raves involving more than 250 people must give the local prefect's office at least one month's notice of their
plans, or else have their sound systems confiscated.
The ravers say the new law is repressive. They hope 20,000 people will join the party, due to go on until Sunday.
'Teknival'
ESPN Pulls Plug
'Mohr Sports'
Comedian Jay Mohr says ESPN pulled the plug on his show, "Mohr Sports."
The show, which had nine time slot changes in 16 weeks, debuted on April 2 and won't return for a second season, Mohr said during an appearance on CBS' "The Late Late Show."
Mohr, who infused the show with salacious content, was recruited to Disney's ESPN from Fox Sports Net.
'Mohr Sports'
Too Hot for Seattle Papers
'Sex and Lucia'
"Sex and Lucia" may have won awards at the June Seattle Film Festival but the latte city's two major newspapers are refusing to print ads for it, saying
the Spanish language film is far too sexy.
The film, scheduled to open on Friday in Seattle, will not be advertised in the Seattle Times or the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, said Kerry Coughlin, a spokeswoman
for the Seattle Times, which handles advertising and management for both newspapers under a joint operating agreement.
"Sex and Lucia" is unrated and contains several explicit sexual scenes.
Palm Pictures, which distributes the film which took honors for best director and best screenplay at the Film Festival, is bristling mad at the papers' decision,
especially since the Seattle Times was one of the sponsors of the film festival.
'Sex and Lucia'
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
To Be Celebrated In Italy
Perry Como
A 30-inch model of Canonsburg's life-size statue of Perry Como is being sent to Italy for a celebration honoring the singer, whose hits included "Papa Loves Mambo" and "Catch a Falling Star."
Como's parents, Pietro and Lucia, and six of their 13 children, were born in Palena, Italy. Perry Como, born Pierno Ronald Como, was their first child born in the United States after the family immigrated to Canonsburg.
The singer died last year at 87 following a lengthy illness.
Perry Como
150 Years Of Comfort
British Public Loo
Michelle Liebetrau, left, a model aged 23 from Cape Town, South Africa, dressed as Britannia outside the public toilets on London's Strand, to commemorate the 150th
anniversary of the British Public Toilet, as Saron Mair Thomas, right, decends the stairs leading to the subterranean loo, Wednesday, Aug. 14, 2002. The Royal Society
of Chemistry commemorated the century and a half milestone by arranging for the sassy version of Britannia to be near the site of Britains first public loo, opened in 1852.
Photo by Richard Lewis
Newest Addition To The Family
'Baby' Osbourne
In an emotional deathbed vow, big-hearted rocker Ozzy Osbourne kissed a single mom stricken with cancer and told her he'd fund every need of her teenage son, family members said yesterday.
Osbourne and his wife, Sharon, made their dramatic promise exactly one week before the death of Reagan Erin Marcato, the mother of Osbourne family friend Robert Marcato, 18.
Marcato gained comfort in her dying days, surrounded by family and friends and receiving regular visits from members of the Osbourne family.
Ozzy Osbourne leaned over Marcato as she lay dying, kissed her and guaranteed that her son will never have to worry about money or tuition, the mom's sister said.
Reagan Marcato moved to Southern California from Mays Landing, N.J., around Christmas 1987 with her young son, Robert, looking for a new start to a life that had been complicated by a teenage pregnancy.
Marcato made her career in food service and was manager of a popular 1950s-style diner on Sunset Boulevard when she died, the family said.
For a lot more, 'Baby' Osbourne
New Web Site
Detailed Food Info
Got a craving for more details about your favorite food than the ones printed on the package label?
A Web site launched on Thursday by the U.S. Agriculture Department tries to satisfy that hunger with a breakdown of dozens of fatty acids, amino acids, vitamins, minerals,
protein, fiber and calories, for more than 6,000 foods.
The database lists 117 nutrient categories for each food, including tryptophan, retinol, glycine and others that are not typically included on food package labels.
Consumers can look up their favorite foods ranging from cheese crackers to chicken patties, choose a serving size, and see details about the 117 nutrients.
The USDA said the food database includes brand-name breakfast cereals, candies and even ostrich and emu meat.
The Web site is at: http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/foodcomp/Data/SR15/sr15.html
Detailed Food Info
Producing Sitcom
Michael J. Fox
Michael J. Fox is planning a TV comeback, but not necessarily in front of the camera.
The 41-year-old actor has proposed writing and producing a new show about a superstar hockey player who's forced to retire early and spend more time with his family.
ABC is negotiating with Fox's Lottery Hill production company to feature the series in its lineup, The Hollywood Reporter and Variety trade papers reported Thursday.
Michael J. Fox
BartCop TV!
International Bluegrass Music Association
Alison Krauss
Alison Krauss, who picked up two Grammys earlier this year, was honored with seven nominations from the International Bluegrass Music Association on Thursday.
The nominations were announced at the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum by bluegrass musicians Sam Bush and Dale Ann Bradley.
Krauss and her band, Union Station, were nominated for the top award of best entertainer, best song for "The Lucky One" and in other categories.
The other best entertainer nominees were Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver, The Del McCoury Band, Ricky Skaggs & Kentucky Thunder and Rhonda Vincent & The Rage.
John and Sting were nominated for their work on "Earl Scruggs & Friends" by banjo great Earl Scruggs. The album, nominated for best recorded event, included Sting, John, Melissa
Etheridge, Johnny Cash, Billy Bob Thornton and others.
Winners will be announced at the International Bluegrass Music Awards show on Oct. 17 in Louisville, Ky. The 2,500 members of the IBMA nominate and select the winners.
Alison Krauss
International Bluegrass Music Awards
Competing in Car Contest
Jay Leno
Comedian Jay Leno, who owns more than 150 automobiles and motorcycles, is going on a road trip.
He's spent two years getting his 1928 Bugatti ready for competition in this weekend's 52nd annual Concours d' Elegance at Pebble Beach.
Leno, who entered his first car in 1991, has taken home two First in Class trophies, in 1992 and 1999, for Duesenbergs.
This time, the "Tonight Show" host is hoping the 1928 Bugatti will win Best in Show, which in automobile circles is comparable to a best-picture Oscar.
"It's the only American-bodied Bugatti ever made," said Leno, who's been getting the car into show-quality shape and assembling the required documentation.
Jay Leno
Pebble Beach Concours d' Elegance
Volcanoes National Park
Kilauea
An unidentified photographer stands a few feet from lava pouring into the Pacific from Kilauea Volcano on Wednesday, Aug. 14, 2002, at Volcanoes National Park near Volcano, Hawaii. Park
officials say the eruption, which has been going on for more than 19 years, has rarely offered visitors such an accessible view of flowing lava.
Photo by David Jordan
Santa Rosa, CA
Charles Schultz Museum
It's missing the shag carpet and classical columns, but to "Peanuts" fans the new Charles M. Schulz museum has all the lure of Elvis' Graceland.
The Northern California city where Schulz lived and worked has planned a weekend of fun to remember its adopted son, complete with free Snoopy movies and a pancake breakfast.
Other stops for serious fans might include the cartoonist's studio, the "Peanuts"-themed ice skating rink Schulz gave to the city, and the bronze statue of Snoopy and Charlie Brown in a downtown park.
The museum chronicles Schulz' life and the evolution of the enduring comic strip that debuted on Oct. 2, 1950. The musings and misadventures of Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy and their
friends eventually ran in more than 2,600 newspapers, reaching millions of readers in 75 countries.
Two galleries at the museum will feature exhibits of original strips and memorabilia. There's also a research library, archives of "Peanuts" material, a Snoopy labyrinth in the
outdoor gardens and a tile mural of Charlie Brown making his ever-futile run to kick a football from Lucy's outstretched hands.
Charles Schultz Museum in Santa Rosa
Charles Shultz Museum
Exploring Elvis' Jewish Roots
Elvis Schmelvis
On the main highway into this holy, hilltop city, a curious sign directs motorists to what's become a modern place of pilgrimage. It reads simply, "Elvis."
In a land crisscrossed by biblical prophets and Jesus, emperors and potentates, the roadside Elvis Inn — a gas station, restaurant and tourist trap — is a shrine to the king of rock 'n' roll.
Friday marks the 25th anniversary of Elvis' death and hundreds were expected to come to the spot to remember the singer. Some Israeli fans are also pondering a little-known theory about Elvis'
identity that is increasingly talked about here — the king may have had Jewish blood.
Elvis' maternal great-great-grandmother, Nancy Tackett, was Jewish, according to one author. Tackett's daughter Martha Tackett was the mother of Doll Mansell, who in turn was the mother of Elvis'
mother, Gladys Smith, according to a book, "Elvis and Gladys," by Elaine Dundy.
Religious law says Judaism is passed down from the mother, so Elvis could be considered Jewish even though he was raised Christian, Dundy says.
The book received little attention when it was published in 1985. But an article mentioning it in the Wall Street Journal four years ago sent some enthusiasts on a search for Elvis' Jewish roots.
"Schmelvis: Searching for the King's Jewish Roots" follows ultra-orthodox Jewish Elvis impersonator Dan Hartal, from Montreal, as he travels trying to convince those he meets that Elvis was Jewish.
For a lot more, Elvis Schmelvis
ABC Family Cancellation
'State of Grace'
ABC Family has decided against a third season of its half-hour comedy-drama "State of Grace," which got its start on the cable network back when it was called Fox Family Channel.
The last original episode of the low-rated series will air Monday. Repeats will begin airing Monday-Friday at 4 p.m. on ABC Family this fall.
The cable channel based the decision on the show's difficulty finding ratings traction.
'State of Grace'
Players Announced
'Survivor-Thailand'
A used-car salesman, a female firefighter and a pastor are three of the 16 people who'll compete for a million dollars on "Survivor-Thailand."
Hosted by Jeff Probst, the fifth edition of the popular reality series strands 16 Americans on Koh Tarutao, an island off the southern coast of Thailand, during the region's monsoon season for 39 days.
The oldest is 61, the youngest is 23. Eight are married, seven are single and one is engaged.
One castaway brought fuzzy slippers for a luxury item, another brought body paint. The pastor brought a Christian flag.
'Survivor-Thailand'
Will Become Frisbee
Ed Headrick
Frisbee designer Ed Headrick has died and his family will honor his wish that his ashes be molded into memorial flying discs for family members.
Headrick, father of the modern Frisbee and designer of Wham-O's first "professional model" flying disc, died age 78.
Headrick patented toy maker Wham-O's first designs for the modern Frisbee after improving the aerodynamics of the company's initial models. After
joining the company in the early 1960s, Headrick incorporated concentric grooved lines into the top of the curved disc to create the first "professional model" for Emeryville-based Wham-O.
Headrick founded the International Frisbee Association and Disc Golf Association to oversee the sport of disc golf.
The family will honor Headrick's wish that his ashes be molded into memorial flying discs to be given to a select few family and friends and others
who make donations in his memory, Ken Headrick said.
Ed Headrick
In Memory
Neal Travis
New York Post Gossip Columnist Travis Dies at 62
Neal Travis, a New Zealand-born gossip columnist for the New York Post who was the original editor of the paper's famed "Page Six," has died of cancer, the newspaper reported on Thursday. He was 62.
Travis died Wednesday after fighting the disease for several months. His last column in the News Corp.- owned paper appeared on July 29.
News Corp. Chairman Rupert Murdoch praised Travis, who worked a total of 22 years for Murdoch newspapers in the United States and Australia.
"His exceptional talents as an editor and journalist were key to our growth in the United States," Murdoch said in a statement. "Neal brought a high degree of professionalism and excitement to his work, capturing and celebrating the city that he loved so much."
Travis was born in New Zealand in 1940. He dropped out of high school and took his first newspaper job at 16 with the Dunedin Evening Star. He moved to Australia two years later and went to New York in 1966 to work as a correspondent for The Sydney Daily Mirror.
He joined The New York Post in 1977 as the first editor of "Page Six," a gossip column mostly about celebrities. He left the Post for New York magazine, to write books and work on a syndicated TV show, "Hard Copy."
Travis returned to the Post in October 1993 to begin his column "Neal Travis' New York" that appeared in a space opposite "Page Six."
In memory of Travis, that space was left blank in Thursday's Post.
Travis is survived by his wife, Joan, known as Tolly, a brother, two stepdaughters, a stepson and two stepgrandchildren.
Neal Travis
Bronx Zoo
Snow Leopards
Chenpo, a 10-week old snow leopard cub being cleaned by his mother, Mei Mei, makes his public debut at the Bronx Zoo in New York Thursday, Aug. 15, 2002.
Photo by Dennis DeMello
'The Osbournes'
Freshly updated - 'The Osbournes' ~ Page 3
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 2
'The Osbournes' ~ Page 1
