'Best of TBH Politoons'
Dareland
Worst Movie Pitches Of All Time
Wheels
The
Pitch: Jerry Maguire in a wheelchair.
The
Premise: "A hotshot sports agent parks in a handicapped spot and gets
sentenced by a judge to spend a month in a wheelchair," recalls a creative exec
at a major production house. "Which is fine, until he falls for a woman with a
real disability, but doesn't explain that he isn't actually handicapped. How's
that for a third-act complication, motherfucker?
Suggested
Tagline: You had me at paraplegic.
Homeless Friends
The
Pitch: Like Friends, except everyone's
homeless.
The Premise: "The cast was supposed to be young
and good-looking; they just happened to live on the streets," recalls a
prominent TV agent. "The conceit was that everyone would hang out in Central
Park instead of Central Perk. The guy really thought we could sell it to NBC."
Suggested Cast: Michael Pitt (Chandler), Courtney Love
(Rachel), Gary Busey (Joey), Pete Doherty (Ross), Natasha Lyonne (Phoebe),
Mary-Kate Olsen (Monica).
Rock Op
The
Pitch: Empire Records meets Rendition.
The Premise: "A DJ who specializes in playing 'torture'
music to extract information from detainees. A major producer took my partner
and me out to China Grill to discuss his idea," says a screenwriter. "He said he
had Jim Carrey on board for the title role. He described the first scene of the
movie as, 'Jim Carrey hops into a limo after getting a page in the middle of a
show he's performing. Cut to him walking, slow motion, into a dark room, where a
tense interrogation of a drug dealer is taking place. He proceeds to break out
two black bags that contain ... turntables.' That was the last we heard."
Suggested Tagline: Rockin' for the free world.
Spayed in Manhattan
The
Pitch: Sex and the City meets Trading Places meets
Homeward Bound meets The Emperor's New Groove.
The
Premise: "An heiress party girl trades places with her dog in a freak
accident and is forced to make it on the streets of Manhattan," says an agent at
CAA. "If she doesn't change back before she gets spayed, she has to stay a dog
forever."
Suggested Tagline: You'll howl, beg, and roll over
as the summer's biggest little comedy warms its way into your heart.
Suggested Cast: Haylie Duff (the party girl), Nicollette
Sheridan and Kevin Kline (the parents), Morgan Freeman (the dogcatcher with a
heart of gold).
McBeggar
The Pitch: I
Am Sam meets The Goonies.
The Premise: "A
ragtag band of physically and mentally challenged vigilantes tries to take down
McBeggar, an evil capitalist who has enslaved a group of handicapped folks to
work in a panhandling scheme," recalls a development exec. "Presumably, their
handicaps made them more likely to solicit donations. That's as far as I got."
Suggested Cast: Robin Williams, Tim Allen, Artie Lange, and
Steve Buscemi (the vigilantes); Alan Cumming (the evil capitalist).
Sneakers
The
Pitch: The Wizard of Oz meets
Seabiscuit.
The Premise: "A down-on-his-
Suggested Tagline: The neighs have it!
Recommended Reading
from Bruce
FROMA HARROP: Single Women Vote Early: Will They Vote Often? (creators.com)
Single women were supposed to be the Democrats' guest of honor on Election Day. Excuse me, unmarried women. The party has studied unmarried women so much it knows they don't like to be called single women.
Ted Rall: INDEPENDENTS GO HOME
Open Primaries Are Killing Democracy.
Mark Morford: The 935 lies of George W. Bush (sfgate.com)
Yes, you already knew. But now they're actually quantifiable. Like, say, stab wounds.
RICHARD ROEPER: Easy to believe Hillary doesn't recall Rezko (suntimes.com)
Celebrities take too many photos to remember them all.
Stephen Moss: It's official: happiness resumes at 50 (guardian.co.uk)
A vast study has concluded that happiness is U-shaped: it peaks when we are 20 and 70, but slumps in the middle.
SUSAN ESTRICH: Code Words (creators.com)
"Hospice is code for six months."
William Saletan: Run For Your Life (slate.com)
How to slow aging by a decade.
Thor Christensen: Guitar legend Bill Frisell's diverse songbook defies his jazz label (The Dallas Morning News; Posted on popmatters.com)
Bill Frisell speaks slowly and calmly, like the Mr. Rogers of jazz. But all is not mellow in Mr. Frisell's Neighborhood.
Walter Tunis: "Rockabilly of ages: Former Stray Cat keeps sound up-to-date" (McClatchy Newspapers; Posted on popmatters.com)
On one of the many highlight tunes from his new album "Black Cat Bone," bassist Lee Rocker retraces, in a little more than three minutes, the beginnings of a rockabilly-based career that has extended nearly three decades.
Bruce Dancis: "This Byrd has landed: Folk music reclaims Roger McGuinn" (McClatchy Newspapers; Posted on popmatters.com)
The Byrd has flown full circle. Roger McGuinn, co-founder and leader of the Byrds, perhaps the premier American rock band of the mid-1960s, has returned to his folk music roots.
Folk Den
Hubert's Poetry Corner
The Marine, the Singer and THE President
When the 'King of Cool' met Margaret - and Harry!
CAN'T BELIEVE IT
PURPLE GENE
COULTER CRAWLS OUT OF HER CAVE FOR A HIGHER CAUSE!!!!!
I WATCHED HANNITY AND COLMES TONIGHT (PAINFUL BUT NECESSARY).......THIS COULD BE THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW....THE DEATH KNELL OF OUR CIVILIZATION.....THE SHRIEKING, CACKLING CACOPHONIC WHORE OF THE RIGHT HATES JOHN MCCAIN MORE THAN HILLARY CLINTON...SHE ACTUALLY SAYS SHE WOULD VOTE FOR HILLARY WATCH THE WHOLE CLIP AND LISTEN TO THE LAUGHTER BEHIND THE SCENES AS THE FOX CREW CRACKS UP WATCHING A SHRILL AND CRAZY ANN COULTER LOSE IT...AGAIN
Reader Suggestion
Depthmarker
Hi Marty,
I reviewed the gop debate at depthmarker...some of your readers might find
it amusing, yet somehow relevant to the times.
Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Mostly sunny, but still on the cool side.
Last year I was ready to give up on 'Lost', but since there little else on, watched the 2-hour rehash on Wednesday.
Ok, so it got me up to speed for what was advertised as a fresh 2 hours tonight. Damned if the first hour wasn't a rehash of the rehash from the night before.
Disney proves once again that the thing they do second best is bite. What they do best is make money, while providing as little as possible in exchange.
Award of Courage
amfAR
The Foundation for AIDS Research is honoring Julian Schnabel, Bobby Shriver and Carine Roitfeld for their work raising money for AIDS research.
The trio were to receive amfAR's Award of Courage at a star-studded, black-tie dinner Thursday featuring a performance by Barry Manilow and presentations by Kenneth Cole, Marc Jacobs and Lou Reed.
AmfAR was started as a nonprofit organization in 1985. It has raised millions of dollars for AIDS research, prevention, education and advocacy.
amfAR
"Most Desirable Woman" Poll
Katherine Heigl
Superlatives keep piling up for actress Katherine Heigl who on Thursday was named the "most desirable woman of 2008" by lifestyle Web site, AskMen.com.
Following Heigl on the AskMen.com list was model Alessandra Ambrosio in the No. 2 position and just behind her was British actress Kate Beckinsale, who has starred in films from action adventure "Pearl Harbor" to comedy "Click."
Rounding out the top 10, in the following order were:
4. Eva Mendes
5. Jessica Alba
6. Scarlett Johansson
7. Jessica Biel
8. Rihanna
9. Marisa Miller
10. Adriana Lima
Katherine Heigl
Return To Keyboard
Daniel Barenboim
Pianist-turned-conductor Daniel Barenboim received a standing ovation after returning to the keyboard for a Brahms concerto played with the Orchestre de Paris which he once led.
Sitting in the front row of the city's packed-out Salle Pleyel, Princess Caroline of Hanover and her husband, along with La Scala general manager Stephane Lissner, leapt to their feet Wednesday night to applaud Brahms's romantic First Piano Concerto, conducted by Germany's Christoph Eschenbach.
Barenboim, who encored with a Liszt, headed the Paris orchestra as musical director for 15 years until his departure in 1989 and last played piano with the ensemble in 1990.
He is due to return to Paris in the summer of 2009 with his peace-seeking West-Eastern Divan Orchestra of young musicians from Israel and the Middle East.
Daniel Barenboim
Stockholm To Name Street
Ingmar Bergman
The city of Stockholm plans to rename a street after the late Swedish cinema legend Ingmar Bergman, who died last July at the age of 89.
The Stockholm city council is expected to formally approve the proposal in the coming weeks.
The street in question is located near the Royal Dramatic Theatre that Bergman headed from 1963 to 1966 and to which he returned frequently to direct plays by Strindberg, Ibsen, Anouilh, Williams, Chekhov and Moliere.
An adjoining small square will also be renamed Ingmar Bergman Square.
Ingmar Bergman
Denies Angioplasty
Paul McCartney
Paul McCartney says recent media reports that he had a heart procedure last year are "entirely untrue."
"People are ringing and texting me saying, `Are you OK?'" he writes in a posting on his newly redesigned Web site. "I hadn't seen the report so I was puzzled by so many enquiries about my health. So I think it's a good time to put this rumour to rest."
The 65-year-old ex-Beatle says that during a routine medical examination over a year ago, "there was a minor irregularity which I needed to have tests for and which I have now been assured is completely fine."
Recent media reports "completely distorted the story, calling it an angioplasty, which is entirely untrue, and this is why so many friends have been concerned about my health," he writes.
Paul McCartney
Sells Studio For $125M
Tribune
A real estate investment firm has purchased the original Warner Bros. studio for $125 million from the Tribune Co., according to a newspaper.
Hudson Capital bought the historic Hollywood studio complex, the firm's managing partner Victor Coleman told the Los Angeles Times in a story posted on its Web site late Wednesday.
The block-sized lot now serves as the home of Tribune Entertainment and Tribune Studios, which produces syndicated TV shows for the Chicago-based company. Television shows filmed at Tribune's production facilities on the lot include "Judge Judy" and "Hannah Montana."
Also on the lot is Tribune-owned local TV station KTLA, whose executives have said the station would remain there as a tenant indefinitely. The sale included three other parcels in the neighborhood.
Tribune
Hollywood Defends Video Quash
Heath Ledger
It was a striking example of Hollywood protecting its own: After an aggressive lobby from powerful film industry figures, "Entertainment Tonight" decided against airing a video that shows the late Heath Ledger hanging out at a party where drugs were being taken.
The show said it pulled the story "out of respect for Heath Ledger's family." But don't discount the effect of a lightning-fast campaign launched by a public relations firm that represents many of the stars "Entertainment Tonight" depends upon for stories.
The syndicated magazine's sister show, "The Insider," aired a "preview" of the story that it had planned to run Thursday that actually showed several segments of the video. Following the protest, "The Insider" yanked the segment from the West Coast version of its telecast.
After seeing a promotion for the show Wednesday, a publicist at ID, Ledger's public relations firm, called "Entertainment Tonight" and asked that the segment be pulled. The request was refused.
ID then composed a three-paragraph protest letter that it distributed to some 30 other public relations firms around Hollywood, asking them to tell their clients about what was about to happen. The circle included powerhouse publicists like PMK-HBH, 42 West and BWR.
Heath Ledger
Marvel Comics Revives
Capt. America
It turns out you can't keep a good man down - or even dead and buried - when he wears a red, white and blue uniform and calls himself Captain America.
Captain America's alter-ego, Steve Rogers, is still resting in peace at Arlington National Cemetery, having been done in by assassins last March. But his good buddy and sidekick from the 1940s, Bucky Barnes, has picked up the bulletproof Captain America shield, put on a new uniform and taken his place.
What's that you say? Wouldn't Bucky be about 85 years old now? And without any real super powers to fall back on, isn't that kind of long in the tooth to be taking a bite out of crime?
Well, yeah. But remember, this is the comic book world we're talking about. Bucky was put in suspended animation by the evil Russians (back when they were evil) and stayed that way for the better part of 60 years.
"So he's probably in his late 20s right now," jokes Marvel Editor in Chief Joe Quesada, who decided to promote him to Captain America.
Capt. America
Identifies With Palestinian Hip-Hop
Erykah Badu
Sporting a huge, billowing Afro and a T-shirt with an anti-Iraq war slogan, Erykah Badu said she identifies with Palestinian hip-hop and expressed support for Louis Farrakhan before a crowd of Israeli fans and journalists Thursday.
Badu commissioned a poster for her visit. It features a large hamsa - a traditional Middle Eastern good-luck charm - that appears to be growing out of her hair. At the bottom, the words for peace in Hebrew and Arabic appear side by side.
The singer, who couldn't name any Israeli hip-hop artists, said she identified best with the Palestinians and their hip-hop scene, saying they are part of her "tribe" of hip-hop.
"They use (hip-hop) as a form of liberation, as a form of pre-resistance, as a form of therapy," she said.
Erykah Badu
Patent Court Rules For TiVo
EchoStar
EchoStar Communications Corp infringed a TiVo Inc patent in building digital video recorders and must pay nearly $74 million in damages, a court that specializes in patent cases ruled on Thursday.
Once the appeal is final, EchoStar will be barred from selling the infringing devices, the ruling said. EchoStar said it already had a substitute for the software in question, and its customers would be unaffected.
The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit upheld the lower court's damage award of $73,991,964. With interest, the damages would be $94 million, EchoStar said.
EchoStar said it would appeal the damage award, and sought to reassure customers that they had a substitute for the infringing software.
EchoStar
Mining Site Predates Incan Empire
Mina Primavera
An ancient iron ore mine discovered in Peru reveals civilizations in the Andes mined the valuable rock before the Inca Empire.
"What we found is the only hematite mine - a type of iron also known as ochre - recorded in South America prior to the Spanish conquest," said researcher Kevin Vaughn, an archaeologist at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Ind. "This discovery demonstrates that iron ores were important to ancient Andean civilizations."
Vaughn and his team discovered a number of artifacts in Mina Primavera, including corncobs, gourd fragments, stone tools, beads made of shell and stone, and shards of textiles and pottery.
The small ceramic fragments, "about the size of a penny, had distinct designs on them that are characteristic of the early Nasca civilization," he explained.
Mina Primavera
Mexico's Oldest Cantina
El Nivel
With beers in hand, hundreds of former patrons Tuesday protested the closing of Mexico's oldest cantina, where Cuban President Fidel Castro, revolutionary Che Guevara and Mexican leaders all once drank.
Supporters called El Nivel (The Level) a national cultural treasure. The drinking dive, which was handed the first cantina license in 1855, closed on January 2 after losing a long legal battle against the owners of the building, the National Autonomous University of Mexico.
The protesters say they want the university to agree a deal with the owner, Ruben Aguirre, to allow El Nivel to reopen.
Failing that, they will ask Mexico City's government to expropriate the cantina and grant it a permit to continue.
El Nivel
Stranded At The Airport?
Rule 240
A few years ago, at Chicago's O'Hare Airport, I noticed something strange on the departure boards. American Airlines had three flights scheduled that afternoon from ORD to Boston, and all were apparently operating on time. United, on the other hand, had three flights scheduled from ORD to Boston, but none were operating on time. In fact, all three United flights showed "canceled."
I smelled a rat. I went to the United counter and asked the reason for the cancellations. "Weather."
Weather? The airlines couldn't have it both ways. Either American Airlines pilots were irresponsible, crazy air jockeys who were going to tease the gods and fly into the face of serious storms, or United's official cancellation reason was a convenient untruth.
I checked the weather in both Chicago and Boston: totally clear.
I went back out to the United gates and informed the counter agents that I knew the weather was fine and also explained that all the American flights were operating without problem. And then I invoked Rule 240 - which states that in the event of any flight delay or cancellation caused by anything other than weather, the airline would fly me on the next available flight - not their next available flight, which might not leave for another 24 hours.
Rule 240
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