BartCop Entertainment Archives - Wednesday, 17 November, 2004
Wednesday
17 November, 2004
(Updated Daily)
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Issue #128
Disinfotainment Today
By Michael Dare
Issue #128
is brought to you by
The Planet
WHO'S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?
As ex-executive chief in charge of operations for the burning flames of hellfire, Helen's access to eternal contracts is legendary. Who are her sources? Wouldn't you like to know? Sorry, all communications are confidential and the property of Helen A. Handbasket, whose opinions do not necessarily reflect those of this or any other publication. .
My dearest readers,
Sorry it's been so long but Satan works in mysterious ways that include a staple gun, a rubber suit, and a rutabaga. If he knew I was using his computer, he'd plotz.
Since I just saw the paperwork, I thought I'd explain the connection between the verdict in the Scott Peterson case and the death of Yasser Arafat, but I'm sure you've already figured it out. Any time Gloria Allred's involved, satanic dealings are to be expected. A certain demon has the hots for her. In any case, look for Scott Peterson's conversion to Islam while awaiting execution. Here's the first virgin that will greet him when he arrives in paradise...
Song of the Week
Taser the Children
by Michael Dare
Don't be a miscreant
Don't be a fool
Don't pick up glass
And never skip school
Follow the rules
All will be fine
Never chastise them
Don't smack their butts
Don't put electrical wires on their nuts
Torture could be misconstrued as benign
Just taser the children who get out of line
Don't bother your conscience
And don't drop the flag
Don't save Private Ryan
(We heard he's a fag)
Contribute to civilization's decline
And taser the children who get out of line
Don't wait for President Bush to resign
Just taser the children who get out of line
We think delivering pain is divine
We taser the children who get out of line
We stick our thumbs up and give the high sign
And taser the children who get out of line
We loves our mad cow and grind up our swine
And taser the children who get out of line
We make a madhouse and call it a shrine
We taser the children who get out of line
We taser the children
We taser the children
We taser the children who get out of line
Big Dick Cheney
Prayer of the Week
Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for not killing me before I had a chance to accept you as my Personal Savior.
I believe that Liberals and Democrats are under the control of Satan and his sneering minions, the educated and the well-traveled.
I do not want to be tossed into the incandescent flames of the sadistic hell you created for those who did not vote for George W. Bush or waiver in their faith by questioning the honesty, competence or syntax of Jesus' anointed.
Please Lord Jesus, I want to become a True Republican™ and a Real American™. I accept you as my Lord and Savior.
I believe You died for my sins and rose on the third day and floated off to your invisible, exquisitely decorated mansion in the Holy Ghost's subdivision in the clouds while an audience of early Republican prophets looked on.
I believe that in voting Republican, I am doing the implacable will of God.
I long to join my brother in Christ, George W. Bush, and every single True Christian™ who voted for Him.
I understand that all of America's problems began when we allowed ourselves to be seduced by the pinko, pacifistic false version of Jesus found in the New Testament, letting non-Protestant foreign trash into Your divine nation and squandering time we could have been at war trying to make peace with perfectly good enemies, before renewing our hearts and joyously embracing Republican Christianity's new improved, steroid-engorged version of Jesus Christ.
I want to help eliminate the deadly disease of liberalism and assist my President and Your appointed servant on Earth to help rebuild this country into the Glorious Christian Nation it once was on the rocky shores of Puritan New England in the late 1600's.
I gladly tithe my mind and no less than 10% of my paycheck, renouncing the demons of logic and education for they will no longer hold sway in my heart, as I now have both Mr. Bush and Mr. Jesus as my co-redeemers!
Amen!
Guide to Iraq
guerrilla gorilla
Computer Use Causes Marijuana Use
and Vice Versa
Stupid Answers of the Week
I'm reading an old 'special' magazine from 1981 about Adam Ant in his days of finery.
- Neil Braynion -
What was the question?
- Xarvon -
Mike mate
Q) Why is the left, even people like Bill Maher and Michael Moore, treating Afghanistan like it was the GOOD war while Iraq is the BAD war?
A) Noam Chomsky is the expert here - he says that Fascism needs to wage war to justify its own existence. I think it's that and the fact that war is what best expresses their (Fascists) stupidity and ineptitude.
If Mike Moore was specifically asked if he was in favour of war, he'd say no.
- Wal -
1. I have a short attention span.
- Locke -
I think maybe some 'libruls' are saying they think Afghanistan was OK in order to gain credibility when speaking out against Iraq. Either that, or they are simply geographically challenged and did not notice that Al Queda was actually located mainly in Pakistan. (Just like the 'Egyptian' hijackers who were mainly from Saudi Arabia.)
One guy who's had it right from the beginning is Ted Rall, who was actually in Afghanistan and didn't just read about it in the papers. He's also got Kerry's number. Kerry's the backup plan in case Bush goes too far over the top.
Cheers,
Charles Watkins
Q) Would you be surprised if Bush killed Kerry with a nuclear hit on the city where Kerry is at the time of the election?
Yes. Assassination is generally more intimate, so as to convey the hatred. Of course, bombs are O.K. for anyone who isn't American. They're just money.
- Wal -
2. Nuclear? Yes. Nucular? No.
- Locke -
No. But with Bush's track record of accuracy, the bomb would probably land in the spot that Kerry was furtherst from. Just like the Republicans relationship to truth and logic.
- Gregg Bender -
i've been wracking the few cells left in my brain all week for the answer to these questions.
then i saw the new slim shady video.
then i saw the new saudi slim video.
that's when i realized that asscroft knows what it's like to lose a race to a dead man.
wellstone me if i'm wrong.
and get me stoned if i'm right.
but kerry will make it
thu election night. [Aren't you glad I printed this a week too late?]
and if i'm wrong, we got a trial lawyer who will appeal thru at least 2007. good thing we've got experience in being leaderless, eh?
- dburke11 -
Stupid (and Gay) Questions of the Week
1) Why would a gay person want to defend a country or a "president" that treats them as second-class citizens and as political fodder or scapegoats?
2) Why are the armed forces willing to discharge rocket scientists, Arab language translators, soldiers and intelligence analysts for being gay, when we need to have a back door draft to forcibly retain soldiers because we have a shortage?
Why Colin Powell Quit
It was that or have sex with Liza Minnelli
("I've seen the paperwork." - Helen)
Duh!
Quiz of the Week
Yasser Arafat was...
b) strangled
c) a homosexual who died of AIDS
d) Jewish
e) under the care of Ussef bin Kevorkian, MD
Your Daily Dose of Embarrassment
Condoleezza Rice was born to be a vocal member of the Podunk PTA with a stick up her butt about teaching evolution, not the goddam Secretary of State of the Goddam United States of America. Alberto R. Gonzales was born to be a crooked consiglieri for a minor hood rotting away in a minimum security prison, not the goddam Attorney General of the goddam United States of America.
Don't Take My Word For It
"A little patience, and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their spells dissolve, and the people, recovering their true sight, restore their government to its true principles. It is true that in the meantime we are suffering deeply in spirit, and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public debt... If the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an opportunity of winning back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are at stake."
- Thomas Jefferson in 1798 after passage of the Alien and Sedition Act -
"Make me worthy to perceive my own light. Make me worthy to perceive the Blue Pearl, which is my very Self."
- Gurumayi Chidvilasananda -
"Out of nowhere today, we learn that Winston Churchill's parrot is not only still alive, but continues to rail against Hitler and the Nazis. Charlie, a blue and gold female macaw, is, at 104, Britain's oldest bird now that the Queen Mum has expired. The mirror.co.uk reports that she still shrieks 'Fuck Hitler!' and 'Fuck the Nazis!' in Churchill's memorable timbre, the prime minister having taught her to swear."
"The truth will soon be hitting much of the conservative nation like a redneck smacks a dog: now that the fear-saturated Right has handed this failed oilman four more unrestrained years to do his dirtiest deeds and a deeply contaminated, well-greased Congress to do it with, he no longer needs their support and he couldn't care less about their 'moral values' or their positions on Social Security reform or the war in Iraq or just what the hell he meant about spending the 'political capital' he claims he's earned by winning the election (by the slimmest margin of any incumbent president in history)."
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."
"Let's move ahead in time. Perhaps just a few months - but no more than 4 years. It's early morning and you're driving to work. You listen to the news like you always do. They announced that a major building in a key city was just dirty-bombed. It's not that the building itself suffered that much damage - but the bomb was up on the 50th floor. It scattered plutonium and depleted uranium waste over more than a city block, and the wind and rain is expected to make it worse. The newscaster tells you that experts have deemed it impossible to clean up. The cancer-causing waste has been drawn into the ventilation system and has settled into all the ductwork. It will remain at a radioactive level that will be harmful to human life for thousands of years."
"With the ravaging of the CIA and the ousting of Powell - instead of the more-deserving Rumsfeld - the coup of the neo-conservatives is complete. They have achieved a remarkable political victory by failing upward."
"You are always the same
Unfathomable awareness,
Limitless and free,
Serene and unperturbed.
Desire only your own awareness."
- Ashtavakra Gita 1:17 -
"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved."
- John Ashcroft's final letter to Dubya -
"Can I go home now?"
- Xarvon, alien investigator -
"It is like that nice guy in America, what's his name again?, who spoke about old Europe. It has no sense. It's a lack of culture to imagine that. Imagining that there can be division between the British and French vision of Europe is as absurd as imagining that we are building Europe against the United States."
"When Walter Cronkite talked on CNN last month about Osama bin Laden's scary pre-election video, yet another cat leapt out of the conspiracy-theory bag. 'I'm a little inclined to think,' Mr. Cronkite told host Larry King, 'that Karl Rove, the political manager at the White House, who is a very clever man, he probably set up bin Laden to do this thing.'
"It's not clear whether this was a tasteless joke or a stray filament of wishful thinking; Mr. King probed no further. Yet the comment was a reminder that conspiracy theorizing--formerly confined to the realms of alien abduction kooks and grassy-knoll debaters--is edging ever closer to the mainstream. Like it or not."
"Any time an [Iraqi] expectant mother is a victim of violence, two [Iraqi] lives are in the balance, each deserving protection and each deserving justice. If the crime is murder, and the unborn [Iraqi] child's life ends, justice demands a full accounting under the law."
- George W. Bush annotated -
"Americans were fascinated by the trial of Scott Peterson. And if they liked the trial of the alleged murderer of just ONE pregnant woman, imagine how much America will love the trial of George Bush, a man who is responsible for the murder of possibly THOUSANDS of pregnant women!"
"The individual is handicapped by coming face-to-face with a conspiracy so monstrous he cannot believe it exists."
- J. Edgar Hoover -
"Dr. Sutton believes the 'left' versus 'right' split is fraudulent and used to control the debate and condition citizens to think along certain lines. Left-wing magazines like The Nation and The New Republic and right-wing magazines like The National Review were 'artificially set up.' The former were financed by Whitney money while the latter by Buckley. Both are 'The Order.' Dr. Sutton states: 'Sooner or later people will wake up. First we have to dump the trap of right and left. This is a Hegelian trap to divide and control. The battle is not between right and left; it is between us and them.'"
"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."
- Mahatma Ghandi -
"If all that Americans want is security, they can go to prison. They'll have enough to eat, a bed and a roof over their heads. But if an American wants to preserve his dignity and his equality as a human being, he must not bow his neck to any dictatorial government."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower -
"I'd rather be Don Quixote than another statistic."
- Douglas L. Wilson -
"The Bush Administration aims to recruit millions of United States citizens as domestic informants in a program likely to alarm civil liberties groups. The Terrorism Information and Prevention System, or TIPS, means the US will have a higher percentage of citizen informants than the former East Germany through the infamous Stasi secret police. The program would use a minimum of 4 per cent of Americans to report 'suspicious activity'."
"It is my big mistake that I have cooperated with FBI. The FBI have already destroyed my life and my family's life and made us in a very danger position."
- FBI informant against al Qaeda,
Mohamed Alanssi, in an interview before setting himself on fire in front of the White House -
"With not much original reporting, I discovered that the latest big fine by the FCC against a TV network -- a record $1.2 million against Fox for its 'sexually suggestive' Married by America - was brought about by a mere three people who actually composed letters of complaint. Yes, just three people."
"Many British people regard the battle beginning at Fallujah and last week's casualties among the Black Watch with dismay, even revulsion. They perceive an ugly predicament in Iraq growing worse by the day, and Tony Blair allowing hapless British troops to be dragged ever deeper into it. Here, they say, are the first fruits of the re-election of George W. Bush, an ignorant and dangerous man. Heaven help those shackled to his chariot wheels."
"It is very uncomfortable to fight as partners with allies who have a completely different attitude to the value of civilian lives from our own."
"The U.S. forces are expected to increase their barbaric acts in the hope of finishing off once and for all the Iraqi resistance so that they can have peace and realize their aims, foremost of which is the rearrangement of the country in such a way that would enable their new allies to hide behind 'a false legitimacy,' which they will use to open a new phase in which the final word will be that of a ruling gang in Tel Aviv."
"The right of voting for representatives is the primary right by which all other rights are protected. To take away this right is to reduce a man to slavery..."
- Thomas Paine -
"I don't think anyone should expect that the movie is exactly like the books, which I'm not convinced would make a great movie. People keep asking me if authors were in control of Hollywood, would films be better? I think films would be a lot wordier."
- Daniel Handler (Lemony Snicket) on the making of the film of A Series of Unfortunate Events -
"If we have to use force, it is because we are America. We are the indispensable nation. We stand tall. We see further into the future."
- Madeleine Albright, then the secretary of State, in 1998 -
"An empire remains powerful so long as its subjects rejoice in it."
- Livy (Titus Livius): Roman historian at the end of the 1st century BC -
"If circumstance compels the U.S. to prolong its presence and increase the size of what is, in effect, an army of occupation, then Washington may soon see a need to transform Iraq into a colony or at least what the British called a 'protectorate,' because the only alternative is inconceivable: making Iraq the 51st state."
"Take up the White Man's burden
And reap his old reward:
The blame of those ye better,
The hate of those ye guard"
- Rudyard Kipling -
"The offensive in Falluja is filled with political and military symbolism, which is why America's future in Iraq could be decided in this city. The attack by U.S. troops and Iraqi National Guard members falls between two elections. In the United States, the commander in chief has just been freshly legitimized... In Iraq , elections are supposed to be held in January, by which time the offensive should long have been successfully concluded. Such a success would strengthen the incumbent Iraqi Prime Minister, (Ayad) Allawi. But Falluja is more than a town - it is now the symbol of resistance, it is the insurgents' recruitment office."
"What did the inhabitants of Falluja do to deserve this fierce attack? ... What makes our hearts bleed is the participation of the Iraqi government in committing such a massacre by backing the U.S. occupation forces and encouraging them to kill innocent Iraqis. Arab and Muslim countries [must] achieve unity in... sending the message that terrorism can never be brought to an end by imposing ready-made recipes on Middle East countries."
"There is no rationale whatsoever for the invasion of Falluja. The attack is basically to express Schadenfreude at the Iraqis and get even with them... However, as we are in the holy month of Ramadan, we would like to say here that such an aggression against the innocents will not be accepted by God, and that there is another superpower up there monitoring developments."
"This battle is a critical one for the future of Iraq, which has become a crucial test in the global war against militant Islamism... Though the government is indeed backed by foreign coalition forces, the terrorists' war is, if anything, a more foreign attempt to hijack Iraq's future."
"The immediate military outcome of the offensive by U.S. soldiers and Marines against insurgents in control of Falluja is hardly in doubt. The Falluja offensive is supported by the interim Iraqi government of Prime Minister Ayad Allawi in the hope that pacifying Falluja will help the country to hold credible national elections in January. Yet, questions remain about the likely success of this strategy. Some in the minority Sunni community threaten to boycott the voting, while clerical leaders of the Shiite majority see it as their path to power."
"It is not anti-Semitic to criticize the policies of the state of Israel."
- Colin Powell -
"We plant merit with our minds, and we commit crimes with our minds. With our minds, we imprint images. This one mind is like an artist. It can draw anything, and what it draws is realized. If you surrender your impressions, ideas, thoughts, and so on at the moment they arise without imprinting them on your mind, your minds will not be tainted, just as the lotus flower is not tainted by the muddy water whence it grows."
- Jae Woong Kim: Polishing The Diamond -
"To see things in the seed, that is genius."
- Lao-Tzu -
"As the city of Falluja came under full-scale military attack, one must question the reasoning behind launching the offensive and wonder at the cost... With more than 15,000 US, British and Iraqi government forces, the US-led offensive is intended to 're-establish government control' before next January's elections..."
"No doubt this is a decisive moment for both the occupation and the occupied. Any future relationship... will be defined not by the final outcome of the attack, but by the final casualty count and the level of destruction. In the end, it is the innocent Iraqis who are paying the price... The real question is whether the Falluja offensive, which is named as Operation Al Fajr (Dawn), will mark dusk rather than a dawn."
"Perhaps the destruction of Falluja is meant to be a lesson to the Sunnis, just as the gassing of Halabja and the draining of the marshes were Saddam Hussein's lesson to the Kurds and Marsh Arabs, respectively. But tanks cannot win political battles. Washington's only hope was to conquer the insurgents through peaceful persuasion, all attempts at which seem now to have been abandoned... America's overwhelming military might will silence the insurgents' guns in Falluja. But nothing will have changed. The anger that is driving the insurgency will still be in place and may well be stronger than ever."
"The Chinese government recently arrested Zhao Yan, a research assistant for The New York Times in Beijing, and the Bush administration has been very helpful about protesting the case. Maybe Colin Powell [R.I.P.] can work out a deal: the Chinese government will stop imprisoning journalists if the U.S. government will do the same.
"Protecting confidential sources has been a sacred ethical precept in publishing ever since John Twyn was arrested in 1663 for printing a book that offended the king. Twyn refused to reveal the name of the book's author, so he was publicly castrated and disemboweled, and his limbs severed from his body. Each piece of his body was nailed to a London gate or bridge.
"So, on the bright side, we have evidently progressed.
"In May, Iran's secret police detained me in Tehran and demanded that I identify a revolutionary guard I had quoted as saying 'to hell with the mullahs.' My interrogators threatened to imprison me unless I revealed my source. But after a standoff, the Iranian goons let me go. Imprisoning Western journalists for protecting their sources was too medieval, even for them. Let's hope the U.S. judicial system shows the same restraint as those Iranian thugs."
"The national government will maintain and defend the foundations on which the power of our nation rests. It will offer strong protection to Christianity as the very basis of our collective morality. Today, Christians stand at the head of our country. We want to fill our culture again with the Christian spirit. We want to burn out all the recent immoral developments in literature, in the theatre, and in the press - in short, we want to burn out the poison of immorality which has entered into our whole life and culture as a result of liberal excess during the past years."
- Adolf Hitler -
"Fuck Hitler."
"Avid participation in deplorable actions has been integral to Powell's career. A few examples:
"Serving as a top deputy to Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger, Powell supervised the Army's transfer of 4,508 TOW missiles to the CIA in January 1986. Nearly half of those missiles became part of the Reagan administration's arms-for-hostages swap with Iran. Powell helped to hide that transaction from Congress and the public.
"As President Reagan's national security adviser, Powell was a key operator in U.S. efforts to overthrow the elected government of Nicaragua. When he traveled to Central America in January 1988, Powell threatened a cutoff of U.S. aid to any country in the region that refused to go along with continued warfare by the contra guerrillas, who were in the midst of killing thousands of Nicaraguan civilians. Powell worked to prevent the success of a peace process initiated by Costa Rica's president, Oscar Arias.
"When U.S. troops invaded Panama on December 20, 1989, Powell was chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He had 'emerged as the crucial figure in the decision to invade,' according to British newspaper reporter Martin Walker. Hundreds of civilians died in the first hours of the invasion. Powell declared on that day: 'We have to put a shingle outside our door saying
Superpower lives here'."
- Norman Solomon:
The Powell Trap -
"Before advancing against men weaker than yourself, ponder when you stood before those more powerful."
- Tirukkural 25:250 -
"Yes, the Israelis get really mad about the leaking of classified information - unless it's their own agents in the U.S. who are on the receiving end. But the funny part - if black humor suits your tastes - is that the 'secrets' he is alleged to have 'leaked' have been known for nearly 20 years. The thuggery of the Israeli 'International Crimes Unit' that desecrated a Christian church will only serve to remind the world what Vanunu revealed all those years ago. This act underscores the brazen hypocrisy of Israeli whining about Iran's efforts to obtain nuclear weapons - when everyone knows Israel has as many as 200 to 400 nuclear-armed missiles aimed at Arab capitals, and - who knows? - perhaps at a few European ones as well."
"Reality according to Buddhists is kinetic, not static, but logic, on the other hand, imagines a reality stabilized in concepts and names. The ultimate aim of Buddhist logic is to explain the relation between a moving reality and the static constructions of logic."
"In 1979 a secret unit was established by the most gifted minds within the US Army. Defying all known accepted military practice - and indeed, the laws of physics - they believed that a soldier could adopt the cloak of invisibility, pass cleanly through walls and, perhaps most chillingly, kill goats just by staring at them. Entrusted with defending America from all known adversaries, they were the First Earth Battalion. And they really weren't joking. What's more, they're back and helping to fight the War on Terror."
"Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together."
- Eugene Ionesco -
"Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open."
- Thomas Dewey -
"In international news, we have a truly disturbing item from the June 21 edition of the Daily Yomiuri, an English-language Japanese newspaper, sent in by alert Tokyo reader Howard Weitz man. This item begins: 'An 83-year-old professor emeritus has been arrested on suspicion of attacking and injuring a salesman with a sword after the man offered to "fix his sewage pipes."'
"The article states that the professor, Tatsuo Chubachi, was at home when the salesman came by and offered to fix his pipes, at which point Chubachi 'produced the sword and slashed the sales person on the buttocks.' The professor was arrested on suspicion of, among other things, violating the 'Firearms and Swords Control Law.'
"This story should remind all Americans how lucky we are to live in a nation (America) where we have a constitutional right to keep and bear swords to protect ourselves from those who would repair our sewage pipes."
"You may have heard that I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Your strength is carrying my family through too in this latest struggle, and this is a fight we will win."
"Thanks a lot. So if you lose, it's MY fault?"
- Xarvon, alien investigator -
"To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle."
- George Orwell -
"You can only write, 'Somebody wants something, something else is in their way of getting it.'"
- Aaron Sorkin -
"One of the easiest things in the world is not to write. If it were easy, everyone would do it."
- William Goldman -
"In 2004, 41 out of 51 Republican senators were given 100 percent ratings by the Christian Coalition for their votes on behalf of fundamentalist issues. Meanwhile, 31 out of 48 Democrats scored zero. Similar splits can be found in the House, where Minority Leader Tom DeLay expressly uses dominionist language.
"During a 'Worldview Weekend' conference in 2002, he said: '(God) is using me, all the time, everywhere, to stand up for a biblical worldview in everything that I do.'"
"The men American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth."
- H. L. Mencken -
"The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."
- William Faulkner -
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
- Thomas A. Edison -
"The wishbone will never replace the backbone."
- Will Henry -
"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
- His Holiness the Dalai Lama -
Mandatory Reading: Who'da thunk that the
1st Earth Battalion Manual, the brilliant tactical battle manual for the army of the future, and the most popular download at my site this month, could have filtered its way to Abu Ghraib. Read the fascinating story of
The Road to Abu Ghraib and check out what Jim Channon is doing now.
Go
here if you think Howard Dean should be the new Chairman of the Democratic Party.
The Palestinian election for a new leader will be more legitimate than ours. (No electoral college. No electronic voting machines.)
Wanna get back at someone who has pissed you off? Right up there with the Anarchist Cookbook is the CIA Book of Dirty Tricks -
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are here.
Guess who went to Hell a Couple Years Ago?
Boo hoo
I can't afford any yacht wax
and it'll be just so embarrassing at Cannes next year.
Acknowledgment
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.
Thanks,
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'Best of TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
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Reader Recommended Reading
Geof Parrish
An Excerpt:
"You want morals? What's the moral justification for a war which, in the name of their so-called liberation, has claimed the lives of 100,000 Iraqi civilians and counting? What's the moral justification for economic policies that allow the wealthy to skate on paying their fair share of the bill for the common good, while racking up a debt that our grandchildren will be paying for decades to come? What's so moral about a fabulously wealthy country in which children go hungry and health care access is a dubious proposition for the nearly 50 million uninsured? Where's the morals in policies designed to make the rich richer and the poor poorer?"
Thanks, Bruce!
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Purple Gene Reviews
Gina Gershon Sucks
Purple Genes' review of Gina Gershon and her band "Clam Dandy" in excerpts from the independent movie "Prey for Rock and Roll" (Directed by Alex Steyemark) and shown on the IFC :
Why do all the BAD "B" MOVIE BITCHES have to start a rock band????????? Juliette Lewis ("Cape Fear" - "Kalifornia" - "Natural Born Killers") is touring with the Vans' Warped Tour and frenetically fronting her Rock Band called "Juliette Lewis and the Licks"!
Minnie Driver ("Sleepers" - "Good Will Hunting" - "Grosse Point Blank") just appeared at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco with her No Name Band singing from her new album titled "Everything I've Got in my Pocket"!
And then the woman with the "Lips that could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch" - Gina Gershon ("Showgirls" - "Bound") made an independent, behind the scenes flick about her band the "Dandy Clams" touring around small clubs, fan reaction, musician bullshit - ROCK & ROLL.....Now Gina definitely wants to be Chrissie Hynde and Joan Jett and Janice Joplin with a little Courtney Love and Hole thrown in........Hey - does she have the look!!!!!!
Well....because of the great dyke roles she had in "Showgirls" and " Bound" she has this foaming tattood tongue pierced titties out rabid loyal lesbian fan base that just love Gina to death - they have their Gina Fantasies and Gina Dreams - they wanna be "tied up" and "tortured" by Gina and they can't wait for her to come out and sing..............
Cut to the interview on the local radio station and the DJ asks Gina "Are you a Lesbian"???? Gina coyly answers "My girlfriend is"!!!!!!! Ha Ha (God I love her mouth!!!! so do all her fans!!!) So the tempo build as Gina and her band are sound checking for the show that night (Great American Music Hall in SF) and you've got your usual Rock and Roll banter and bullshit!!!! Then the bombscare....clear the house and check.....then the interview with the adoring fans who are waiting in line to see their "goddess" get on stage.... everything is building to the moment of "Live Gina"!!!!!!!
Gina struts out on stage with that slutty swagger and snear - belly bared - high-heeled leather boots - hair all in her face - luscious lips ready to deliver.........Guitar slams - crack of the drums - base starts thumping and Gina starts screaming.....Oh my god....she really starts screaming....OK - I'll wait for the chorus - she'll sink into the song and sing......Shit...she's still screaming...Ahhhgh........She fucking can't sing! She sounds like Courtney Love on Crack - Joan Jet on Junk .....she'll come out of it on her next song....Same shit....Fuck - she looks awesome and sexy and ............................GINA SUCKS on stage ...she can't sing for shit...good night!!!
Purple Gene give Gina Gershon 10 gold lip-sticks out of 10 for her LIPS and 0 microphone stands out of 10 for her SINGING!
Purple Gene
Thanks, Purple Gene!
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Reader Suggestion
"Sorry, Everybody" Video
Thanks, Bruce!
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Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
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In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Warm & sunny day.
It's my week for car pool.
Tonight, Wednesday:
CBS starts the night with part 2 (of 2) of the FRESH made-for-TV-movie 'Category 6: Day Of Destruction', followed by a FRESH 'CSI: The 3rd One'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Renee Zellweger and frog expert Chris Raxworthy.
Scheduled on a FRESH 'Craiggers' with guest host D.L. Hughley are Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Vivica A. Fox, and Switchfoot.
NBC opens the night with a FRESH 'LAX', followed by a FRESH 'West Wing', then a FRESH 'Law & Order'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Leno are Colin Farrell, 6-year-old dinosaur expert Reiss Hozak, and Fantasia.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan are Dan Aykroyd, Ayda Field, and Mike Lupica.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Tony Danza, Nia Long, G and B.
ABC begins the night with a FRESH 'Lost', followed by a FRESH 'The Bachelor', then a FRESH 'Wife Swap'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Roseanne Barr and Jesse Metcalfe.
The WB offers a FRESH 'Smallville', followed by a FRESH 'Jack & Bobby'.
Faux has a FRESH 'That 70s Show', followed by a FRESH 'The Simple Life 2: Road Trip', then a FRESH 'Nanny 911'.
UPN has a FRESH 'America's Next Top Model', followed by a FRESH 'Kevin Hill'.
A&E has 'American Justice', another 'American Justice', 'Family Plots', 'Airline', and 'Biography' (Val Kilmer).
AMC offers the movie 'Joe Kidd', followed by the movie 'Blazing Saddles', then a FRESH 'FilmFakers', followed by the movie 'Blazing Saddles', again.
BBC -
[2pm] 'As Time Goes By' - Episode 5;
[2:40pm] 'Are You Being Served?' - Shoulder to Shoulder;
[3:20pm] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 2;
[4pm] 'The Saint' - The Art Collectors;
[5pm] 'The Weakest Link' - Episode 99;
[6pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Rice;
[7pm] 'My Hero' - All in the Mind;
[7:40pm] 'Absolutely Fabulous' - New Best Friend;
[8:20pm] 'Keeping Up Appearances - Episode 3;
[9pm] 'My Family' - Trust Never Sleeps;
[9:40pm] 'Worst Week of My Life' - Episode 2;
[10:20pm] 'Coupling' - The Cupboard of Patrick's Love;
[11pm] 'My Family' - Trust Never Sleeps;
[11:40pm] 'Worst Week of My Life' - Episode 2;
[12:20am] 'Coupling' - The Cupboard of Patrick's Love;
[1am] 'My Hero' - All in the Mind;
[1:40am] 'Absolutely Fabulous' - New Best Friend;
[2:20am] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 3;
[3am] 'My Family' - Trust Never Sleeps;
[3:40am] 'Worst Week of My Life' - Episode 2;
[4:20am] 'Coupling' - The Cupboard of Patrick's Love;
[5am] 'The Office' - Episode 3;
[5:40am] 'Brilliant!' - Episode 2;
[6am] 'BBC World News' (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'West Wing', followed by the movie 'Waiting to Exhale', then another 'West Wing'.
Comedy Central has 'MAD TV', 'Crank Yankers', 'Reno 911!', 'South Park', followed by a FRESH 'South Park', then a FRESH 'Drawn Together'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jon Stewart is Thomas Frank.
History has 'Modern Marvels', another 'Modern Marvels', 'Full Throttle', and another 'Modern Marvels'.
IFC -
[6AM] 'A Price Above Rubies' (1998);
[8AM] 'Divided We Fall' (2000);
[10:15AM] 'Johnny Stecchino' (1991);
[12PM] 'The House Of Mirth' (2000);
[2:15PM] 'IFC In Theaters' (2004);
[2:30PM] 'Caro Diario' (1994);
[4:15PM] 'At the Angelika #90' (2004);
[4:45PM] 'Johnny Stecchino' (1991);
[6:30PM] 'IFC In Theaters' (2004);
[6:45PM] 'The House Of Mirth' (2000);
[9PM] 'Trainspotting' (1996);
[10:45PM] 'Requiem For A Dream' (2000);
[12:30AM] 'Trainspotting' (1996);
[2:15AM] 'Oscar And Lucinda' (1997);
[4:30AM] 'Trainspotting' (1996) (ALL TIMES EST)
SciFi has 'Beyond Belief', followed by a FRESH 'Scare Tactics', another 'Scare Tactics', then a FRESH 'Ghost Hunters', and a FRESH 'Proof Positive Evidence Of The Paranormal'.
Sundance -
[6:30AM] 'Rififi' (Feature);
[8:30AM] 'Life After War' (Feature);
[9:45AM] 'Wings Of Desire' (Feature);
[12PM] 'Tokyo Girls' (Documentary);
[1PM] 'Bollywood Bound' (Documentary);
[2PM] 'Stranger Than Paradise' (Feature);
[3:30PM] 'Rising Low' (Documentary);
[5PM] 'The Dream Catcher' (Feature);
[6:40PM] 'Tulip' (Short);
[7PM] 'Rififi' (Feature);
[9PM] 'Soho Square' (Feature);
[10:30PM] 'Anatomy Of A Scene: 28 Days Later' (Original Production);
[11PM] 'Wings Of Desire' (Feature);
[1:15AM] 'The Believer' (Feature);
[3AM] 'Anatomy Of A Scene: The Believer' (Original Production);
[3:30AM] 'Zus & Zo' (Feature);
[5:15AM] 'Tulip' (Short);
[5:30AM] 'Bollywood Bound' (Documentary) (ALL TIMES EST)
TCM celebrates Rock Hudson's birthday (he would have been 79 today) most of the day, then
spends another night with Clark Gable.
[6am] 'Larceny, Inc.' (1942);
[8am] 'Johnny Belinda' (1948);
[10am] 'All That Heaven Allows' (1955);
[11:30am] 'Something Of Value' (1957);
[1:30pm] 'Pillow Talk' (1959);
[3:15pm] 'Send Me No Flowers' (1964);
[5pm] 'Ice Station Zebra' (1968);
[8pm] 'Homecoming' (1948);
[10pm] 'Honky Tonk' (1941);
[12am] 'Somewhere I'll Find You' (1942);
[2am] 'Betrayed' (1954);
[4am] 'Idiot's Delight' (1939). (ALL TIMES EST)
Thursday - 11/18
TCM spends another night with Clark Gable.
[6am] 'A Free Soul' (1931);
[7:45am] 'Strange Interlude' (1932);
[10am] 'A Face In The Crowd' (1957);
[12:15pm] 'Picnic' (1955);
[2:15pm] 'Rope!' (1948);
[4pm] 'The Maltese Falcon' (1941);
[6pm] 'Citizen Kane' (1941);
[8pm] 'It Happened One Night' (1934);
[10pm] 'To Please A Lady' (1950);
[12am] 'They Met In Bombay' (1941);
[2am] 'Test Pilot' (1938);
[4:15am] 'Men In White' (1934);
[5:30am] 'Parnell' (1937). (ALL TIMES EST)
Any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
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Rapper Snoop Dogg, left, and producer Quincy Jones prepare to present the 'Vibe Legend Award' to hip hop producer/performer Dr. Dre shortly before a fight broke out in the audience, at the Second Annual Vibe Awards at Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, Calif., Monday, Nov. 15, 2004.
Photo by Chris Pizzello
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Brings Liberal Talk Show to Arkansas
Al Franken
Coming to a "red state" to celebrate the nation's last "blue president" seems to be just the medicine for Al Franken two weeks after resident Bush's re-election.
The anchor of the liberal Air America Radio program "The Al Franken Show" started four days of live broadcasts on Monday from Arkansas, a state where his show isn't available on the radio. He'll stay through Thursday's opening of the Clinton Presidential Library.
Reports have indicated Franken may be interested in challenging Sen. Norm Coleman, R-Minn., for his Senate seat in 2008.
Al Franken
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Apologizes for Steamy Football Intro
ABC
ABC apologized Tuesday for a steamy intro to "Monday Night Football" after receiving complaints from viewers and the National Football League.
Before the game, ABC showed Nicollette Sheridan and Philadelphia Eagles star Terrell Owens in an empty locker room in an attempt to spoof the network hit "Desperate Housewives." Sheridan, who stars in the show, was wearing only a towel and provocatively asked Owens to skip the game for her.
After she dropped her towel, he agreed to be late for the contest and hugged her. Then the shot cut to two more stars of "Desperate Housewives," Teri Hatcher and Felicity Huffman, watching the scene unfold on a television and commenting on desperate women.
The NFL called the intro "inappropriate and unsuitable for our `Monday Night Football' audience."
ABC
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Former President Bill Clinton shakes hands with high school students following a civic event at Central High School in Litol in Little Rock November 16, 2004 as part of the build-up to the William J. Clinton Presidential Library dedication. The $164 million library located on the banks of the Arkansas River in downtown Little Rock, Arkansas is scheduled to open November 18 with 30,000 people expected to attend.
Photo by Jeff Mitchell
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In Running for Time's Person of the Year
Karl 'Turdblossom' Rove
White House adviser Karl 'Turdblossom' Rove topped the unofficial list of contenders for Time's 2004 Person of the Year, according to a panel assembled by the magazine on Tuesday to debate the question.
Along with Rove, widely credited as the architect behind resident Bush's re-election, other candidates suggested by the panel included the president himself and filmmakers Mel Gibson and Michael Moore.
The selection may well be none of the names suggested at Tuesday's panel, the editors said. The choice remains secret until it appears, this year, on the Dec. 20 issue cover.
Karl 'Turdblossom' Rove
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Following In The Steps of Bobby Sherman
David Lee Roth
Instead of screaming "Jump," David Lee Roth will be yelling "clear!" The former Van Halen frontman is taking up a new trade - paramedic.
Roth, 50, has been riding for several weeks with a New York ambulance crew in training to become a paramedic, The New York Post reported Tuesday.
He takes his work so seriously that he did not want publicity so that it would not "diminish what I am trying to do here." He has said that he did not want the neighborhoods he was working in named so that he would not draw attention to himself or co-workers.
David Lee Roth
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SpongeBob SquarePants, Barney & Clifford the Big Red Dog
'We Are Family'
Look out kids. SpongeBob SquarePants, Barney and Clifford the Big Red Dog are joining forces to rerecord the disco tune "We Are Family" to promote diversity and tolerance in classrooms.
A video starring the three children's characters plus nearly 100 others, including Dora the Explorer and Arthur, will be distributed to 61,000 public and private elementary schools nationwide, along with lesson plans for teachers. It will air simultaneously on Nickelodeon, the Public Broadcasting Service and the Disney Channel in March.
The We Are Family Foundation was founded by singer-songwriter Nile Rodgers, who wrote the song recorded in 1979 by Sister Sledge. The nonprofit organization creates and supports programs about diversity and multiculturalism. The video was financed by a grant from the Toni Mendez Shapiro estate.
'We Are Family'
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Actress Julie Andrews pins the Grand Marshal ribbon on a person dressed as the Disney character, Mickey Mouse after Mickey was announced as the Grand Marshal of the 2005 Rose Parade, Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004, in Pasadena, Calif. The 2005 Rose Parade is to take place Saturday, Jan. 1, 2005.
Photo by Reed Saxon
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Honored by Queen
Frederic Franklin
Frederic Franklin, a ballet dancer still on the stage at 90, said it was the "most wonderful day of my life" as he received a Commander of the Order of the British Empire, or CBE from Queen Elizabeth II.
British-born Franklin began his career in 1931 at the Casino de Paris and has performed throughout the world, establishing himself as a distinguished ballet master.
With Russian-born ballerina Alexandra Danilova, Franklin formed one of the legendary ballet partnerships of the 20th century. The pair danced together with the Ballet Russe de Monte Carlo from the late 1930s to the 1950s.
Frederic Franklin
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pissed
(formerly 'The Vidiot')
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Sues Clothing Company
Peter Fonda
Actor Peter Fonda has sued a clothing company for more than $123,000, saying Dragonfly Clothing Inc. violated a licensing agreement that allows it to market apparel bearing his image.
The Fullerton-based Dragonfly was to pay Fonda guaranteed minimum royalties of $20,000 on Sept. 10 but failed to do so, according to an amendment agreement attached to the lawsuit. The suit was filed Friday in Los Angeles County Superior Court.
Peter Fonda
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Artist Brett Davidson poses in front of the 77th Academy Awards commemorative poster after it was unveiled Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004, at a printing office in the Hollywood section of Los Angeles. The Academy Awards will air Sunday, Feb. 27, 2005, at the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles.
Photo by Reed Saxon
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Viewers to See Double
'Gilligan's Island'
Who knew two SS Minnows were shipwrecked on a deserted island in a terrible storm? Yes, viewers tuning into TBS' "The Real Gilligan's Island," which premieres Nov. 30, will see double. The reality show take on the classic stranded-on-an-uncharted-island sitcom features two Gingers, Mary Anns, Gilligans, Skippers and so forth.
The teams go head-to-head in challenges inspired by plots from the '60s show, executive producer Mike Fleiss told The Associated Press. The castaway counterpart who loses is sent packing.
The twist wasn't revealed until the castaways were on the island, in a secret location in the Gulf of Mexico. The casts lived separately in villages that were reminiscent of the CBS show, which aired from 1964-67.
'Gilligan's Island'
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'Don't Bring Your Guns to Work Day'
Little Rock
Employees at a Little Rock office building have been asked to leave their deer hunting rifles at home because the president and three former presidents are coming to town to open Bill Clinton's presidential library.
Acxiom Corporation distributed a memo to the 420 employees in its 12-story sales and marketing building in Little Rock's River Market district -- near the Clinton library -- reminding them of its policy forbidding weapons on company property.
Deer hunters in Arkansas take the sport so seriously that many of them keep their rifles and shotguns and other equipment in their cars, which makes it easier for them to get in a few hours in the woods before or after leaving work.
Little Rock
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South Korean children make the traditional side dish 'Kimchi' or fermented cabbage at a donation drive in Seoul November 16, 2004. Hundreds of volunteers made Kimchi from 33,000 cabbages to donate to needy neighbors during the winter season on Tuesday.
Photo by Kim Kyung-Hoon
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Aims to Have Business News Channel
Rupert Murdoch
Rupert Murdoch, chairman and chief executive of the media conglomerate News Corp., told reporters Tuesday that he hoped to launch a business news cable channel by the summer.
Speaking to reporters following the annual shareholder meeting of Fox Entertainment Group Inc., News Corp.'s U.S. entertainment subsidiary, Murdoch said he saw an opportunity for a new cable business news channel by offering more "positive" programming than was currently available.
Separately, Standard & Poor's announced Tuesday that it would add News Corp.'s stock to its benchmark S&P 500 index of large U.S. companies after the close of trading on Dec. 17. The move had been widely expected following News Corp.'s reincorporation in the United States and its listing on the New York Stock Exchange, which occurred last week.
Rupert Murdoch
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Grilled Cheese On eBay
Virgin Mary
A 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich a Florida woman says bears the image of the Virgin Mary was back on eBay after the Internet auction house initially canceled bids that went up to 22,000 dollars.
Owner Diana Duyser, 52, of Hollywood, Florida, said eBay earlier pulled the half-sandwich from its listings, telling her it does not allow items intended as a joke.
But the snack was back on eBay Tuesday along with a picture of a sandwich bearing what appears to be the image of a woman's face.
"I made this sandwich 10 years ago. When I took a bite out of it, I saw a face looking up at me; it was Virgin Mary starring (sic) back at me. I was in total shock; I would like to point out there is no mold or (disintegration)," the message said.
Virgin Mary
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A view of the entrance to the neighborhood of Old Havana is seen Tuesday Nov.16, 2004. Cuba celebrates the 485th anniversary of Havana's foundation today.
Photo by Jose Goitia
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On The Road With Hank
Rome
Former US secretary of state Henry Kissinger said he regretted that Colin Powell would be stepping down as Washington's diplomatic chief, in comments quoted by Italian dailies, but forecast that US ties with Europe would improve in the second Bush mandate.
Kissinger, in Rome for a seminar, also predicted a change in approach to US foreign policy.
"We've witnessed during the first four years of Mr Bush's mandate an effort by the White House to put into place conditions that today will enable a move away from foreign policy based on urgency to a new phase of seeking and building consensus with our allies," La Repubblica daily quoted Kissinger as saying.
Rome
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Reporter a Battle Veteran
Kevin Sites
Video of a U.S. Marine shooting a wounded man in Fallujah was captured by an Internet Age journalist who often reports and photographs war stories, then posts his impressions on his own weblog.
Kevin Sites, a freelancer who works part time for NBC News, was being kept under wraps by the network Tuesday as the investigation into the shooting continued.
The youthful, long-haired Sites has worked for NBC, CNN and ABC News and has covered war zones in Afghanistan and Colombia. He had extensive experience in Iraq, where he was embedded with a Marines unit during the operation in Fallujah.
Kevin Sites
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A Russian girl rides on the back of a dog during a therapy session at a center in Moscow, November 16, 2004. The center uses specially trained dogs to assist its treatment for children with a range of problems including nightmares and cerebral palsy.
Photo by Viktor Korotayev
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Welcome !
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