A guy gets a call from his wife's doctor to tell him that there was a mix-up in his wife's blood test. They don't know if she has Alzheimer's Disease or AIDS. The husband asks what the doctor is going to do about it, and the doctor says "We're going to drop her off about ten blocks from your house. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."
Would you tell this joke to someone with AIDS or Alzheimer's? I say you can because they're not the butt of the joke, the husband is. It's not a joke on them, it's just a joke that happens to contain the words AIDS and Alzheimers. Just because a joke may contain certain buzzwords doesn't mean it's a joke ON the buzzword.
I bring this up because somebody got offended at one of my jokes last week, a joke that contained the word "lesbian." (The letter is reprinted below.) They accused me of telling another "gay" joke, displaying insensitivity to my homosexual readers. I'll let you decide, but first, here's a joke you've heard before that isn't funny.
Why did the moron throw butter out the window? He wanted to see a butterfly.
I don't blame you for not being amused, but since the butt of the joke is the moron, only morons would actually be offended. Change the word "moron" to gay or blonde or Serb and the joke makes a statement that gays or blondes or Serbs are morons because they become the butt of the joke. That's one reason why humor is a sense. You've got to be able to tell whether the teller is just trying to be funny or is actually making an offensive statement. A joke can feel wrong without actually being wrong. It's also why I like puns. They're just wordplay. There's no butt of the joke so no one can possibly be offended. A bad pun might clear a room but not because of racism or sexism. A pun is a joke without a butt.
Bill Hicks had this problem with Letterman on his last broadcast appearance on the show. He had a joke that contained within it a cripple who was a vital part of the joke but who was not the butt of the joke. The network had a policy against making fun of cripples so they wouldn't let him tell it. Hicks explained that there was no way a cripple would be offended by the joke because the joke wasn't on the cripple, they were just part of the narrative, but no go. It seemed the policy wasn't that cripples couldn't be made fun of but that the very word cripple couldn't appear in a joke under any circumstances.
This made Hicks nuts. He tried to tell the joke without using the word cripple and bombed horribly, but they invited him on again. The next time he learned his lesson and just did his routine the way he saw fit. They refused to air it, thus creating the holy grail of the lost Bill Hicks tape that no one has ever seen but the NBC censors.
So last week I hinted that Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers probably wasn't a lesbian because what do lesbians know about premature withdrawal. Now I ask you. Are lesbians the butt of this joke, and don't get smart. Leave that to me. I know there's an inoffensive lesbian butt joke here somewhere and I'll let you know when I find it. In any case, I insist this is a joke that simply contains the word lesbian but is in fact not derogatory towards them in any way, unless lack of knowledge of a generally heterosexual sexual practice is derogatory. What it makes fun of are the people who accused her of being a lesbian.
I love lesbians. Really. They're A-OK in my book, even though a lesbian once broke my heart. But are lesbians so humorless that the word lesbian can't even appear within 500 yards of a joke, even if the joke isn't on them? I don't think so. No lesbians complained, only one gay guy, who won't be the butt of any jokes in this column. Except for that one.
The New Covenant with America
by Robert B. Reich
Competence. We promise America a competent government headed by people with expertise and experience. We will never appoint or confirm cronies whose main qualification for office is personal connection or party loyalty.
Fiscal responsibility and a capital budget. We will get the federal budget back under control by barring special spending (pork to political loyalists back home) and corporate welfare (subsidies to particular industries like agribusiness, oil, and pharmaceuticals). We will create a national capital budget so that federal construction money never again goes to bridges to nowhere in Alaska and instead goes to stronger levees in New Orleans.
Fighting terrorism and getting out of Iraq. We will fight terrorism with a strong military and with economic investments and aid for poor nations that are often the breeding grounds for terrorism. But we will withdraw American troops from Iraq. As even our generals now tell us, our presence there is incubating new terrorists and fomenting anti-Americanism around the world.
Ending torture and respecting the rule of law. We will respect the Geneva Conventions. We will never condone torture or keep people imprisoned indefinitely without due process of law.
Reducing oil dependence and greenhouse gases. We will reduce American dependence on oil and reduce global warming. By 2020, 20 percent of our energy will come from solar, wind, biomass, and other alternative sources. Also by 2020, America will utilize 20-percent less fuel than today.
Restoring the middle class. We will restore the growth of the American middle class and of middle-class incomes. Supply-side economics, which rewards the rich with generous tax breaks and tells us that the resulting economic growth will trickle down to everyone else, has proven a cruel hoax. Little or nothing is trickling down. A quarter of all the benefits of economic growth now go to the richest one-tenth of 1 percent of Americans. We are determined to reverse course.
A progressive tax code. The cost of making the nation's homeland secure against terrorism and natural disasters and of providing adequate health care and education -- without falling deeper into debt -- will require more federal revenue. Yet the middle class cannot afford more taxes. It's time for the rich to bear their fair share. We will impose a surtax of one-tenth of 1 percent per year on net worth in excess of $1 million and will roll back the administration's tax cuts for those earning more than $300,000 a year.
A minimum health-care wage. The cost of health insurance for the typical family is rising by double digits, while 46 million Americans are without insurance altogether. We will establish a simple minimum health-care wage offering basic health insurance -- one free checkup per year, five free medical visits, one free dental, choice of doctor or dentist limited to an approved list, free drugs up to $1,000 per year -- to any American wishing to join. The expected large scale of this program will give government bargaining leverage to get low prices from providers and drug companies.
Lifelong education through progressive vouchers and re-employment insurance. We will finance every K-14 student (that's right -- two years beyond high school) with a progressive voucher in an amount inversely related to family income. (This year, for example, it would range from $15,000 for students from families at or below the poverty line to $3,000 for students from families in the wealthiest 10 percent.) The vouchers could be used at any publicly certified school. In addition, we will turn the unemployment insurance system into a re-employment insurance system. Recipients will get job training, job-search assistance, and, if the new job pays less than the old, wage insurance paying half the difference for a year.
Maintain separation of church and state. We will never allow religion to dictate whether an individual must be kept on life support, young people can gain access to birth-control information or counseling, women will have the freedom to choose to terminate a pregnancy, research can be done on stem cells or any other potential scientific innovation, or public schools must teach nonscientific interpretations of sacred texts.
"A 67-year-old man who says he doesn't even like watching movies has been sued by the film industry for copyright infringement after a grandson of his downloaded four movies on their home computer. The Motion Picture Association of America filed a federal lawsuit Tuesday against Fred Lawrence of Racine, seeking as much as $600,000 in damages for downloading four movies over the Internet file-sharing service iMesh. The suit was filed after Lawrence refused a March offer to settle the matter by paying $4,000...
"'I personally didn't do it, and I wouldn't do it. But I don't think it was anything but an innocent mistake my grandson made.' Lawrence said his grandson, who was then 12, downloaded The Incredibles, I, Robot, The Grudge, and The Forgotten in December, without knowing it was illegal to do so.
"The Racine man said his grandson downloaded the movies out of curiosity, and deleted the computer files immediately. The family already owned three of the four titles on DVD, he said."
"Dr. Rafil A. Dhafir was sentenced to 22 years in federal prison on Thursday, October 27th, 2005 for sending humanitarian aid to starving Iraqi civilians through his charity Help the Needy. Dr. Dhafir is an esteemed member of the Muslim community here in Syracuse, New York, and he is respected nationally and internationally. His sentencing follows 31 months of detention without bail and a 17-week trial... The 60-count indictment included International Emergency Economic Powers Act, IEEPA, violation, money laundering, wire fraud and Medicare fraud, and the government won conviction on every count except one where they had mistakenly listed the wrong bank.
"I believe it is impossible to overstate the message that has been sent to the Muslim community via this detention, prosecution and sentencing. It says, in no uncertain terms: If we can get Rafil Dhafir, we can get anyone. It also lets them know that a pillar of their society can be felled without so much as a call for equal justice from the non-Muslim community...
"I did not know Dr. Dhafir before attending his trial. Everything I know about this man comes directly from the proceedings. I thought my sharply different experience of the proceedings would be cause for discussion in the press, at least, if not concern. The trial struck me as similar to the show trials of the former Soviet Union in the 1930s that I have seen. There were days when I literally cringed because the evidence of the government was so weak...
"Dr. Dhafir's case is one that sets legal precedents, right here on our doorstep. And it also raises questions about selective prosecution and freedom of speech - Dr. Dhafir was a vociferous critic of the US policy in Iraq, as I witnessed in a fund raising video during the court proceedings. I believe this extreme outspokenness was a major contributing factor to Dr. Dhafir's present situation. Barrie Gewanter, Director of the ACLU-CNY, has stated that her organization has concerns about selective prosecution because comparable violations have been addressed with civil fines...
"Dr. Dhafir wrote a 46-page pamphlet that was handed out to the media after he was sentenced. In one paragraph toward the end of the piece Dr. Dhafir says: 'What was the result of Feb 26, 2003 besides imprisoning of innocent people? Scores of innocent elderly American cancer patients died needlessly, innumerable tens of thousands of Iraqi needy (children, women and men) died, and more than that suffered malnutrition and the humiliation of poverty. An entire segment of our society here was treated as criminals, intimidated, interrogated and threatened. Never in the history of the Islamic Society of Central New York had we had so many cases of depression and suicide that the mosque had to engage the services of a psychiatrist to help out. The dream of this Republic being a sanctuary for the oppressed was shattered on that day and a new sad reality was erected in its place.'"
"A Denpasar court has set a date for the trial of Australian model Michelle Leslie. The former underwear model, who was arrested for ecstasy possession two months ago... Leslie was arrested in August when Bali police allegedly found two tablets of the designer drug in her handbag during a sweep at a rave party in the hills near Kuta. She faces a maximum 15-year sentence for drug possession."
"What if you had a power unit that generated substantial electrical energy with no fuel? What if it were so rugged that you could parachute it out of an airplane? What if it were so easy to set up that two people could have it running in just a few hours? Now there is such a device - built by a small Virginia start-up - and the federal government has taken notice.
"SkyBuilt Power Inc. has begun building electricity-generating units fueled mostly by solar and wind energy. The units, which use a battery backup system when the sun is down and the wind is calm, are designed to run for years with little maintenance...
"After hurricane Katrina, SkyBuilt units could have been rushed to the scene and set up in hours, restoring power to hospitals, evacuee centers, police and fire departments, and cellphone towers.
"One big drawback of solar energy until now has been that it was a 'custom industry,' says Scott Sklar, vice president of SkyBuilt. Components are usually put together on-site, and differ from location to location. 'When you buy a car, do they ship in all the pieces to your front yard and have somebody assemble it? I'm afraid not. We [at SkyBuilt] learned something from Henry Ford,' he adds.
"SkyBuilt follows the Ford model. Its MPS units are what Sklar calls 'plop and drop, plug and play.'
"It works this way: Parts for each Skybuilt unit are packed into standard-size shipping containers. The containers, specially modified and strengthened, can be moved by ship, truck, train, or even dropped by a laser-guided parachute to the most remote location.
"Once on-site, the container is opened, and arms and poles are attached to the outside to hold solar cells and wind turbines. A prototype built here in Arlington has been running steadily for more than a year without repairs or maintenance."
Answers to Last Week's Ridiculously Stupid Question
I just caught a TV ad for the new DVD of Titanic which said it includes an alternate ending. This of course, conjures up images of "Whew, Captain, good thing we missed that iceberg." What are some other alternate endings for Titanic?
Answers:
Rose, old and withered but looking bitterly angry, leaves her cabin with a mysterious item in her coat pocket. She approaches the ship's rail, and leans over the side. There below her on a passing iceberg, Leonardo DiCaprio lies bound and gagged. He is dressed in a clown outfit, with a cap and bells, pointy shoes and those big, blousy pants that make him look like baby Huey on a diet.
She grins tightly, reaches into her coat pocket, and pulls out the large jeweled necklace from her first titanic voyage. Laughing, she dangles it in full view of DiCaprio, making sure it sparkles bright in the lights of the ship. Suddenly the humor goes out of her face. "Go ahead boys, close it up," she yells. Her voice is thin and raspy, but the energy of her hatred give it force. "He may be sloppy drunk, but what the hell, let's freeze his ass off and leave him for the leopard seals to chew on. We won't miss him or his cheesy acting, will we now Lenny?"
Two men in wetsuits place the remaining blocks of ice over DiCaprio's small igloo of ice, and with the sound of bells softly jingling from the blurry form inside, they step off to drift into the night.
Fade to credits while Celine Dion mournfully belts out "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" at 1/2 speed, backed by the H.R.Pufnstuf band. As a reward for customers who sit through the credits, out-takes from the lifeboat sequence are shown, with the crowd cracking up over corpses that suddenly wake up and sneeze, and the hilarious takes of DiCaprio trying to drown without laughing and getting water in his lungs.
regards,
- Ian Cook
Right after First Officer Karl Rove is appointed to control the disaster, a magical hand descends from the heavens and, pinching the boat between its mighty forefingers, saves the Titanic from going down. At least, that's the RNC movie Rove produced for the White Star Lines to be shown onboard. In reality, the ship still sunk, but none of the passengers were saved; they were all too busy watching Rove's idiotic "God Saves the Titanic" film to use the lifeboats available. The up side is that we were spared Cameron's treacley final scene between Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. "I'll love you forever (blub, blub, blub)."
- RSJ
sos. sos. sos. THIS IS THE TITANIC. GIANT SQUID HAS MMPH GLPHG FREANDTRY....
- PALANTIR
Your LIFE sounds like the fucking titanic! Can we ever get ONE column from you without hearing you WHINE about how hard your (very privileged) life has been? And now you want to compare dope-heads with Rosa Parks, whose shoes you aren't fit to lick?! All the while slipping in all the "fag" jokes you can, like a good liberal.... It's all a joke about bad movies no one cares about to you.... "There is no quicksand like ego. Get stuck in it and you're sunk. Ego, ergo, I go."
- Tim Omachi
LOCATION-ROSARITA BEACH, MEXICO
Just off the beach is a coffer-dam within which the 3/4 scale model of the Titanic is split in two, kept buoyant by air bags concealed in the bulkhead.
Three men are by the camera crane.
A large truck pulls up behind them.
Cameron
What in the fuck is this truck doing here? I didn't order lunch or anything else.
TRUCK DRIVER GETS OUT. A BLACK LINCOLN LIMO MOVES AROUND AND STOPS ABRUPTLY BY THE CAMERA
Cameron
(To the smarmy looking small balding man in the black suit with the briefcase)
Who in the fuck are you?
Smarmy Man
(LOOKS MUCH LIKE THE SHORT GERMAN SS AGENT IN THE FIRST INDIANA JONES)
Mr. Cameron, I am here on behalf of the studio.
(A large man with huge forearms exits the limo on the other side)
Large Man
Is there a problem boss?
Smarmy Man
No, Mangles. Mr. Cameron and I have to talk a bit more.
Large Man
Okay, den. You call when you need me.
(Stands there not moving)
Smarmy Man
Mr. Cameron (red-faced, but completely befuddled)
There is a matter of your personal check that you put up to finish
this film. To put it lightly, it fucking bounced!
Cameron
That's fucking impossible! The money's got to be there. Leo, Billy, come here for a minute.
Smarmy Man
(LOOKS AT THE TWO MEN APPROACHING)
Quite interesting response Mr. Cameron, but nonetheless your account is overdrawn. Mangles you can come here now.
Man in Truck
What about me? I'm workin' by the hour you know!
Smarmy Man
Go ahead start packing the air compressor and Styrofoam icebergs.
Cameron
You can't come here and shut me down, this is a fucking closed set!! Leo, Billy let's fuck these guys up.
DeCaprio
I don't know Jim, I got advances for my next film already and I can't afford to get my faced fucked up.
Zane
Fuck that Jimbo! My checks already cleared, I'm outtahere!
Smarmy Man
Get him out of here Mangles!
Mangles
(GRABS CAMERON BY THE HAIR AND DRAGS HIM TO THE BACK SEAT)
C'mon you fuckin' Hollywood crotch-sniffing pervert, get in the fuckin' car!
Smarmy Man
(LOOKS BACK AT THE TEAM OF TEAMSTERS THAT HAVE ARRIVED BY BUS)
Clean it all up boys and bring it back to the States. This yo-yo has seen his last huge fucking spending spree!
Cameron
(AS THE LIMO SPEEDS AWAY)
You motherfuckers have not heard the last from me. I'll fuck you all up in post-production!!! I'll be back!!! I'll kill every fucking one of you!! You'll all be terminated fuckers!!!!!
Smarmy Man
I hate to see them lose it like that at the top of their game, but a contract is a contract. You must keep up the payments to Mr. Roccoco!
(A LOUD NOISE IS HEARD, THE TWO HALVES OF BOATS BEGIN TO SINK)
What the fuck are you idiots doing!!! We need those props in one piece God-dammit!!!
CAMERON
(HEARD FROM A DISTANCE)
Keep those fucking camera's rolling!! I'll get this shot yet!!!
DUST FROM THE LIMO'S TIRES, SUNSET ON THE BAY, THE TITANIC SINKS AMONGST TOTAL CHAOS OF PEOPLE TRYING TO GET OUT OF THE WAY.
- Watermn
"We were lucky you thought to bring along that 50,000 foot long roll of duck tape, Scotty!"
- Bill Moses
Jack sacrifices himself and sinks beneath the waves. But then a glowing jellyfish angel takes him by the hand and takes him to a huge glowing underwater city called Otah Gunga. The huge city rises up from the ocean floor and lifts the Titanic from the waves, but not before a guy falls and hits the propeller. Jack and Rose meet on the shiny black surface of the city and laugh hysterically while everyone cheers, and the glowing jellyfish angel shakes out its dredlock ears and says "Mesa so berry happy for yousa."
The whole ship capsizes. Jack and Rose go on an epic journey with Shelley Winters, climbing through the bowels of the ship to try to find a way to escape. Shelley can't stop hitting on Billy Zane, hilarity ensues.
After everyone has abandoned the ship and it has sunk, we learn that the Titanic is actually a giant submarine built by the Russians and the whole iceberg incident was a ruse to hide its theft. Captain Smith, played by a heavily-made-up Sean Connery, steers her south to the Bahamas, where he asks for asylum and turns the ship over to Teddy Roosevelt, played by Alec Baldwin.
Because of global warming, a new ice age strikes within minutes (that's where the iceberg came from) freezing the titanic in a sheet of solid ice. To survive, the passengers and crew cannibalize each other until Jack and Rose set out on an epic journey to find a lost rugby team in the Andes.
At the last minute, Jack remembers that the Titanic is carrying in its cargo hold a shipment of three hundred rowboats from Cork. There are more than enough for everyone to survive the sinking, except for the guy who falls and hits the propeller.
- Jeff
Titanic II: "Eaten by Crabs"
- Joan Emerson
ROSE: Jack! Jaaaack... Don't die! You can't die! Jack! Jack?
JACK: Booh!
ROSE: Aaaaaaaaah!
JACK: Gotcha!
ROSE: ...
Btw, thank you for letting me know that "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts". I feel so much hungrier now...
Cheers,
- Anna
Kate, grasping at Leo's hand, begs him to hold on, to live one more day, and Leo says: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
- James and Katherine Allard
An alert crew member goes to the other side of the ship and notices the missing lifeboats are indeed there but hidden under tarps. The lifeboats are launched and the people in steerage are able to be rescued by the Carpathia and the California.
- Rita M
Being the only person on the planet who as never seen the movie, the first ending is already an alternate one. However, I have heard things and I'm guessing alternate or deleted MIDDLES would be more called for. Forget Celine's heart going on, as far as I'm concerned, that luscious odalisque Kate Winslet can go on lying around nekked for the entire four hours and I'd consider it full value for my movie-going dollar.
- Jimmy McConnell
a) It wasn't his sled.
b) The South wins the Civil War and Scarlett and Rhett stay together.
c) Someone brings him the head of Alfredo Garcia.
d) The apes took over due to natural selection.
e) Wm. Paley doesn't become a hero for handling the radio signals from the Titanic disaster. CBS never happens.
f) The ship makes it safely to New York, the safety procedures are not implemented and instead of one big disaster killing fewer than two thousand mostly rich people we have hundreds of smaller disasters killing tens of thousands over the next several decades.
g) Godot arrives.
TTFN,
- Baron Dave
Answer to an old question:
"Had the German military had access to an A-bomb during what they call World War Two, it is unlikely that strategic planners in the Third Reich would have forfeited the opportunity to drop said device on an English or American city.
"Had the physicist Werner Heisenberg, who was heading the Nazi A-bomb program, decided to use graphite instead of so-called heavy water to slow down neutrons in his chain reaction experiments, the Germans might well have beat the Americans to the bomb.
"Had Fermi and Szilard, when they discovered that graphite could be used for this crucial purpose, published their findings, Heisenberg would have known about graphite.
"It was a man named George Braxton Pegram, physicist at Columbia University and an avid tennis player and canoeist, who told Fermi and Szilard not to publish.
"This might, among other functions, serve as a parable for those who do not believe in the power of the printed word.
"Evidently the mundane is by nature massive, even all-powerful. Once a few particles can exterminate people by the billions, never again can it be argued that small and trivial are in the same family."
- Lydia Millet: Oh Pure and Radiant Heart (highly recommended) -
Stupid Question of the Week
If Katey Holmes gets post-partum depression after having their baby, what will Tom Cruise do?
"The U.S. generals running the war in Iraq presented a new assessment of the military situation in public comments and sworn testimony this week: The 149,000 U.S. troops in Iraq are increasingly part of the problem.
"During a trip to Washington, the generals said the presence of U.S. forces was fueling the insurgency, fostering an undesirable dependency on American troops among the nascent Iraqi military, and energizing terrorists across the Middle East.
"For all these reasons, they said, a gradual withdrawal of U.S. troops is imperative."
"There is a parallel investigation into the uranium forgeries themselves that has been going on for a couple of years now lead by the FBI. But once again few are holding their breath - particularly given the way the Bureau's previous investigation into the post 9/11 anthrax attacks appears to have been frustrated once it became clear that the evidence was leading to people at the Department of Defence as the source of the material used...
"On 1 August 2004 the Sunday Times in London ran the following eyebrow-raising disclosure: 'The Sunday Times has tracked down a mysterious middleman who was a key figure in the notorious Niger uranium hoax before the Iraq war, writes Nicholas Rufford. Speaking to a reporter in a cafe in Brussels last week, he claimed he had been an unwitting dupe in the scam, which embarrassed both Tony Blair and George W. Bush over Saddam Hussein's phantom weapons of mass destruction. The middleman, an Italian who uses the name Giacomo, is a small-time tipster said to have worked for Italy's armed forces and intelligence services. He says Sismi, the Italian foreign intelligence service, used him to disseminate fake documents purporting to show Saddam had tried to buy uranium for nuclear bombs from Niger. I received a call from a former colleague in Sismi,' Giacomo said. "I was told a woman in the Niger embassy in Rome had a gift for me. I met her and she gave me documents. Sismi wanted me to pass on the documents but they didn't want anyone to know they had been involved." He came into possession of a bundle of telexes, letters and contracts that appeared to show Saddam had struck a deal with Niger for 500 tons of uranium ore, enough when refined to make several weapons. Giacomo said he regretted the hoax but had believed the documents were genuine when he passed them to intelligence contacts and a journalist. The hoax had far-reaching effects. Presenting his dossier on Iraq's weapons in September 2002, Blair accused Saddam of seeking 'significant quantities of uranium from Africa'. Bush reiterated the charge in his state of the union speech. When Giacomo's documents were discredited by the International Atomic Energy Agency last year, George Tenet, then director of the CIA, apologized. The British government and MI6 claim, however, they have independent evidence of Iraq's 'Niger connection'."
"The right wing machine, for the last 40 years, has successfully cowed the media into thinking there's a liberal bias, which there isn't, and then WAY overcompensating the other way. There's a reason they have to spend so much money and time pushing these narratives into the marketplace and manipulating the masses. It's because right-wing ideas and right-wing cruelty is not the norm -- it isn't. That's why they have to steal elections, that's why they have to use the threat of terror, that's why they have to gay bash, and manipulate your emotions. And what right wing radio hosts do -- they capture the people's lesser nature. It's very easy. The Bush campaign also brought out the worst in people. People's lesser nature is easily tapped into. You make people loyal when they're sitting in fear, in a heightened state of anxiety or anger. That's what the right does because it's easy."
"criminal: n. A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation."
- Howard Scott -
"journalistic excellence: to afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted."
- Joseph Pulitzer -
"If the fires of freedom and civil liberties burn low in other lands, they must be made brighter in our own. If in other lands the press and books and literature of all kinds are censored, we must redouble our efforts here to keep them free. If in other lands the eternal truths of the past are threatened by intolerance, we must provide a safe place for their perception."
- Franklin D. Roosevelt -
"The predicament becomes instantly clear when you enter Bethlehem, passing from the outer reaches of Israeli-controlled Jerusalem into territory administered by the Palestinian authority. First, you see the barrier, grimly snaking from east to west. Then there is the inevitable checkpoint: 50 or so yards of sandbags, prefabs and breeze blocks, where soldiers warily check the documents of foreign visitors and those fortunate Palestinians whose IDs allow them to travel north. Here, the incense-laden piety of the Church of the Nativity is replaced by a cold tension - though its nervy ambiance is as nothing compared with a similar installation that lies another half mile inside Bethlehem's limits.
"Rachel's Tomb is the burial place of the wife of Jacob, described in the book of Genesis. It's a Jewish holy site, where women come to pray for their children - though, in one of those unfortunate coincidences that so unsettle Middle Eastern politics, it adjoins a Muslim cemetery. Though well within the Palestinian territory enshrined in the 1993 Oslo accords, its sanctity ensured that it would form an enclave 'under the security responsibility of Israel', with the proviso that the 'free movement of Palestinians' on the main road that links Jerusalem, Bethlehem and Hebron would be guaranteed. Now all that is a memory: an austere concrete roadblock, draped with the Israeli flag, scythes the road in two. Meanwhile, work is proceeding on a fortified corridor that will ferry Israeli traffic to and from the tomb, and take its place in the 500-mile length of concrete, tarmac and wire that forms the barrier, built - according to Ariel Sharon - "in order to defend our citizens against terror activities."
"What this means for the local residents is simple enough. Where once there was a teeming neighbourhood, festooned with cafes and souvenir shops, there is now an arid no man's land where Israeli soldiers pace along the deserted store fronts; the few businesses that are left face imminent extinction. The grandly named Bethlehem Souvenir Centre, where displays of religious knick-knacks - vast wooden crucifixes, framed crowns of thorns, small phials of water allegedly from the River Jordan - stretch into the distance, was once busy and prosperous. Now it seems destined to fall into dereliction."
"It is indeed probable that more harm and misery have been caused by men determined to use coercion to stamp out a moral evil than by men intent on doing evil."
- Fredrich August von Hayek -
"Just because there are only two explanations for something doesn't mean one of them is right."
- Random Idiot -
"An uncivil war rages inside the walls of the West Wing of the White House, a bitter, acrimonious war driven by a failed agenda, destroyed credibility, dwindling public support and a President who lapses into Alzheimer-like periods of incoherent babbling...
"White House staff members say the White House is like a wartime bunker where shell-shocked aides hide from those who disagree with their actions and office pools speculate on how long certain senior aides will last.
"Bush, whose obscenity-laced temper tantrums increase with each new setback and scandal, abruptly ended one Camp David meeting by telling everyone in the room to 'go fuck yourselves' before he stalked out of the room.
"Senior aides describe Bush as increasingly edgy or nervous or unfocused. They say the President goes from apparent coherent thought one moment to aimless rambles about political enemies and 'those who are out to get me.'
"'It's worse than the days when Ronald Reagan's Alzheimers began setting in,' one longtime GOP operative told me privately this week. 'You don't know if he's going to be coherent from one moment to the next. What scares me is if he lapses into one of those fogs during a public appearance.'
"Aides say Bush, who has always had trouble focusing during times of stress, is increasingly distant during meetings, often staring off into space during discussions on the nation's security and other issues.
"'Bush usually reserves his celebrated temper for senior aides because he knows they can take it,' the Daily News reported. Lately, however, some junior staffers also have faced the boss's wrath.
"'This is not some manager at McDonalds chewing out the help,' a source with close ties to the White House told the paper. 'This is the president of the United States, and it's not a pleasant sight.'"
"Scooter Libby need not worry about losing his job. He must realize that there is always an opening at FOX News for a right-wing convicted felon. I envision the 'Ollie and Scooter Hour.'"
"If instant World Government, Charter review, and a greatly strengthened International Court do not provide the answers, what hope for progress is there? The answer will not satisfy those who seek simple solutions to complex problems, but it comes down essentially to this: The hope for the foreseeable lies, not in building up a few ambitious central institutions of universal membership and general jurisdiction as was envisaged at the end of the last war, but rather in the much more decentralized, disorderly and pragmatic process of inventing or adapting institutions of limited jurisdiction and selected membership to deal with specific problems on a case-by-case basis ... In short, the 'House of World Order' will have to be built from the bottom up rather than from the top down. It will look like a great 'booming, buzzing confusion,' to use William James' famous description of reality, but an END RUN AROUND NATIONAL SOVEREIGNTY, ERODING IT PIECE BY PIECE, will accomplish much more than the old-fashioned frontal assault."
- Richard N. Gardner, in Foreign Affairs (April 1974) -
"A really efficient totalitarian state would be one in which the all-powerful executive of political bosses and their army of managers control a population of slaves who do not have to be coerced, because they love their servitude. To make them love it is the task assigned, in present-day totalitarian states, to ministries of propaganda, newspaper editors and schoolteachers. The greatest triumphs of propaganda have been accomplished, not by doing something, but by refraining from doing. Great is truth, but still greater, from a practical point of view, is silence about truth."
- Aldous Huxley: Brave New World, foreword to 1946 edition -
"...our impulses are being redirected. We are living in an artificially induced state of consciousness that resembles sleep.....the movement was begun eight months ago by a small group of scientists who discovered, quite by accident, these signals being sent through tele......the poor and the underclass are growing. Racial justice and human rights are nonexistent. They have created a repressive society and we are their unwitting accomplices......their intention to rule rests with the annihilation of consciousness. We have been lulled into a trance. They have made us indifferent, to ourselves, to others, we are focused only on our own gain. We ha......please understand, they are safe as long as they are not discovered. That is their primary method of survival. Keep us asleep, keep us selfish, keep us sedated......they are dismantling the sleeping middle class. More and more people are becoming poor. We are their cattle. We are being bred for slavery. The revolu......we cannot break their signal, our transmitter is not powerful enough. The signal must be shut off at the source. We have......................."
- Broken transmission of rebel group in the John Carpenter movie, They Live -
"An Ohio woman was arrested after she didn't pay just more than $1 that she owed in income taxes, WLWT-TV in Cincinnati reported.
"Deborah Combs owed the city of Loveland $1.16 last year, but she also hadn't filed her city income tax forms in five years, the television station said.
"She said officers pulled her over and acted as though she were a violent criminal.
"'One sheriff approached my car with his hand on his gun,' she said. 'Another from the other side of the car leaned in and said, "Are you Deborah Combs?" He said, "We have a warrant for your arrest." I was absolutely shocked.'"
"Combs said she thinks the arrest and charges are over-the-top for the amount she owed. 'What they've spent in stamps is more than what I owe,' she said."
"The time had just come when I had been pushed as far as I could stand to be pushed, I suppose. They placed me under arrest. And I wasn't afraid. I don't know why I wasn't, but I didn't feel afraid. I had decided that I would have to know once and for all what rights I had as a human being and a citizen, even in Montgomery, Alabama."
- Rosa Parks -
"Let us first be as simple and well as Nature ourselves, dispel the clouds which hang over our brows, and take up a little life into our pores. Do not stay to be an overseer of the poor, but endeavor to become one of the worthies of the world."
- Henry David Thoreau -
"...the Federal Government has demonstrated with abundant clarity that whenever its financial survival is at stake, it will not hesitate to ignore any paper restraints that may stand in its way, and will use its monopoly over what passes for 'justice' for its true purpose, which is to provide a veneer of morality over its monstrous exercise of raw power."
"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."
- Henry Kissinger -
"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it."
- Bernard Bailey -
"The scene is Las Vegas and the trial, that of Irwin Schiff and his friends and employees Cindy Neun and Larry Cohen. None of them profess to be anarchists and all accept, approve and willingly pay taxes that are enacted into law; but thirty years of research have convinced Schiff that the US "income tax" has not been enacted into law. I happen to agree--but again, it's not my purpose to argue that point; rather to show what government does to try to suppress such a conclusion. All agree that by publishing his findings and showing how to frustrate the IRS ' attempts to collect a trillion dollars a year despite the perceived absence of legal right, Schiff has cost the FedGov many billions of dollars; and whether he's right or mistaken, that's an achievement to put all of us to shame. It's several billion dollars' worth of evil, havoc and mayhem that the government could not wreak--thanks to the efforts of one good man.
"The FedGov's endeavors to prevent anything but the vague semblance of a fair trial were funneled mainly through the federal judge presiding--one Kent Dawson, may his name forever live in infamy...
"Supposedly, criminal trials in Anglo-American Law are adversarial; with a prosecutor and a defendant competing and a judge to provide each with fair opportunity to present his case and with a jury to decide who's right. It's a given that the judge must have no 'interest' in the case, so as to keep the proceedings impartial. Yet here, the presiding judge was being paid over $160,000 a year by the client of one of the two parties, and his future career was wholly dependent on an outcome of the trial favorable to that party, and his freedom from a damaging future IRS Audit might likewise have been contingent on his performance in securing one."
"A child-like man is not a man whose development has been arrested; on the contrary, he is a man who has given himself a chance of continuing to develop long after most adults have muffled themselves in the cocoon of middle-aged habit and convention."
- Aldous Huxley -
"So little time and so little to do."
- Oscar Levant -
"We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know."
- W. H. Auden -
"The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. -
"The government who robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
- George Bernard Shaw -
"Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad."
- Norm Papernick -
"We often do good in order that we may do evil with impunity."
- Francois De La Rochefoucauld -
"It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose." - Darrin Weinberg -
"No means are necessary to be completely here. Neither active means on the one hand, nor passive means on the other. Because in both ways, you are trying to move away from the immediate now. But you see, it's difficult to understand language like that. And to understand what all that is about, there is really one absolutely necessary prerequisite, and this is to stop thinking. Now, I am not saying this in the spirit of being an anti-intellectual, because I think a lot, talk a lot, write a lot of books, and am a sort of half-baked scholar. But you know, if you talk all the time, you will never hear what anybody else has to say, and therefore, all you'll have to talk about is your own conversation. The same is true for people who think all the time. That means, when I use the word 'think,' talking to yourself, subvocal conversation, the constant chit-chat of symbols and images and talk and words inside your skull. Now, if you do that all the time, you'll find that you've nothing to think about except thinking, and just as you have to stop talking to hear what I have to say, you have to stop thinking to find out what life is about... The easiest way to stop thinking is first of all to think about something that doesn't have any meaning."
"At a time when people are so conscious of maintaining their physical health by controlling their diets, exercising and so forth, it makes sense to try to cultivate the corresponding positive mental attitudes too."
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form, preferably parchment. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.
WHY IS FRANCE BURNING? The rebellion of a lost generation (direland.typepad.com)
Saturday night was the 10th day of the spreading youth riots that have much of France in flames -- and it was the worst night ever since the first riot erupted in a suburban Paris ghetto of low-income housing, with 1295 vehicles -- from private cars to public buses -- burned last night, a huge jump from the 897 set afire the previous evening.
The Fitzmas Song by Jeff Crook (with apologies to the Velvet Fog)
Dick's nuts roasting on an open fire Judith wearing orange clothes Tom Delay picked up by a wire Extorting funds from Eskimos.
Everybody knows A press pass for a gay male ho Helps to lean the coverage Right. Tiny little men in league with Karl Rove Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know Fitzgerald's on his way. With a load of trouble and some hell to pay. But every mother's scribe is going to spy To see if Libby will tell another lie.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase Of hope to see the mighty fall. President Bush is looking for new ways To ride this out and pardon all.
Grief and Woe come to you And to you a perp walk, too And God curse you and send you An indictment this year.
CBS starts the night with a FRESH'Still Standing', followed by a FRESH'Yes, Dear', then a FRESH'Criminal Minds', followed by a FRESH'CSI: The 3rd One'.
Scheduled on a FRESHDave are Kelly Ripa and Hilary Duff.
Scheduled on a FRESHCraig are John Leguizamo, Kara Cooney, and My Morning Jacket.
NBC opens the night with a FRESH'E-Ring', followed by a FRESH'The Apprentice: Martha' (not the Scooter version), then a FRESH'Law & Order'.
Scheduled on a FRESHLeno are Nicole Richie, Jon Favreau, and Angie Stone.
Scheduled on a FRESHConan are Donald Trump, Sarah Silverman, and Patti Smith.
Scheduled on a FRESHCarson Daly are Dennis Rodman and O.A.R.
ABC begins the night with a FRESH'George Lopez', followed by a FRESH'Freddie', then a FRESH'Lost', followed by a FRESH'Invasion'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJimmy Kimmel are Patton Oswalt and Switchfoot.
The WB offers a FRESH'One Tree Hill', followed by a RERUN'Related'.
Faux has a FRESH'That 70s Show', followed by the SEASON PREMIERE'Stacked', then a FRESH'Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy'.
UPN has a FRESH'America's Next Top Model', followed by a FRESH'Veronica Mars'.
Check local PBS listings for the FRESH'Pioneers Of Prime Time', followed by the FRESH'The Kennedy Center Presents 'The 2005 Mark Twain Prize For American Humor'' where Steve Martin is honored.
A&E has 'American Justice', 'Dog The Bounty Hunter', another 'Dog The Bounty Hunter', 'Inked', followed by a FRESH'Inked', 'Criss Angel: Mind Freak', and another 'Criss Angel: Mind Freak'.
BBC -
[2pm] 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' - Salad Days;
[2:40pm] 'Blackadder' - Potato;
[3:20pm] 'Blackadder' - Money;
[4pm] 'Jonathan Creek' - The Chequered Box;
[5pm] 'Monarch of the Glen' - Episode 9;
[6pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'House Invaders' - Northfield;
[7pm] 'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 53;
[8pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Episode 9;
[9pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Episode 17;
[9:30pm] 'Ground Force' - Episode 8;
[10pm] 'Teen Angels' - Ep 6 Manson Family;
[11pm] 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' - Salad Days;
[11:40pm] 'The Young Ones' - Boring;
[12:20am] 'The Young Ones' - Bomb;
[1am] 'Changing Rooms' - Episode 17;
[1:30am] 'Ground Force' - Episode 8;
[2am] 'Teen Angels' - Ep 6 Manson Family;
[3am] 'This Life' - Sex, Lives & Muesli Yoghurt;
[4am] 'This Life' - Fantasy Football;
[5am] 'This Life' - Family Outing;
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'West Wing', followed by the movie 'Vanilla Sky', then the movie 'Vanilla Sky', again.
Comedy Central has 'Beavis & Butt-head', 'Comedy Central Presents', last night's 'Jon Stewart', last night's 'Colbert Report', 'Mind Of Mencia', 'South Park', another 'South Park', and 'Drawn Together'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJon Stewart is Keira Knightley.
Scheduled on a FRESHColbert Report is Mary Roach.
Scheduled on a FRESHAdam Carolla is Zach Galifianakis.
IFC -
[6AM] Joe Gould's Secret (2000);
[8AM] The Journey (1997);
[9:45AM] Amerikan Passport (1999);
[11:15AM] Dinner Rush (2000);
[1PM] IFC November Short Film Showcase (2005);
[2PM] IFC in Theaters(2005);
[2:15PM] The Red Violin (1998);
[4:30PM] At The IFC Center (2005);
[5PM] Dinner Rush (2000);
[6:45PM] The Red Violin (1998);
[9PM] Bullets Over Broadway (1994);
[10:45PM] IFC in Theaters(2005);
[11PM] Ready To Wear (1994);
[1:15AM] Bullets Over Broadway (1994);
[3AM] Ready To Wear (1994);
[5:15AM] The Festival #6 (Finale) (2005);
[5:45AM] IFC in Theaters(2005). (ALL TIMES EST)
SciFi has the movie 'The Second Arrival', followed by 'Stargate SG-1', and another 'Stargate SG-1'.
Sundance -
[6:45AM] Security, Colorado;
[8:20AM] Institute Benjamenta;
[10AM] The Take;
[11:30AM] The Last Kiss;
[1:30PM] Mondo Plympton;
[2:25PM] Heroes;
[4:20PM] Security, Colorado;
[6PM] Slings & Arrows: Episode 2 - Geoffrey's Return;
[7PM] Coffee With Pina;
[7:30PM] Marathon;
[9PM] See The Sea;
[10PM] A Summer Dress;
[10:30PM] The Swell Life;
[11PM] I Am NOT an ANIMAL: Home;
[11:30PM] Coffee With Pina;
[12AM] Remember Me, My Love;
[2:05AM] The Last Temptation of Christ;
[5:30AM] Heroes. (ALL TIMES EST)
U.S. actor Kiefer Sutherland arrives for the Museum of Television & Radio's Annual Los Angeles Gala in Beverly Hills November 7, 2005. News Corporation president and CEO Peter Chernin and producer John Wells were honored at the event.
Photo by Lee Celano
The Weather Channel will feature Lewis Black - known for his rants on Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" - in a handful of segments starting Wednesday night.
He's the first in what the Weather Channel hopes is a series of celebrity guests.
"We're going to try a few segments to spice things up a little bit," said Terry Connelly, the network's senior vice president and general manager.
Black gets the chance to try out some of the network's forecasting maps and chat on camera with weathercaster Dave Schwartz. He also gets to deliver a few comic riffs on global warming and airport delays, Connelly said.
This photo released by CN8 show members of the classic rock band Styx, from left, Chuck Panozzo, Todd Sucherman, James 'JY' Young, Lawrence Gowan, Ricky Phillips and Tommy Shaw winding down after a television interview at the CN8 studios in Norwell, Mass., Tuesday, Nov. 8, 2005. The band is promoting a CN8 New Year's Eve airing on Comcast cable systems from Universal Studios in Orlando during which the band will perform. The is band is currently on tour.
Photo by Michael Dwyer
Penn Jillette is capable of amazing things. Working with his professionally mute partner Teller, he's breathed fire, served as a human bee hive, survived a 450-pound frost-free refrigerator dropped on his head.
There's just one thing he cannot pull off, despite repeated attempts: Jillette can't stop baiting fellow magician David Copperfield. After hearing a few weeks back that Copperfield planned a new bit of magic - impregnating a woman on stage without sex - Jillette's mouth reflexively engaged.
"And I said, `Isn't it sad that's the only way he can think of?'" Jillette recalled. "And the second I said it, I'm going, `Oh, God.'"
Copperfield was angry. Jillette was apologetic. Teller, though amused, was silent.
And then Jillette moved on to something he found much easier: making an 800-ton submarine disappear from the bottom of the ocean, one of the anchoring acts in their two-hour NBC special "Off the Deep End" at 7 p.m. EST Sunday.
Kenny Chesney says he has no regrets about his brief marriage to Renee Zellweger because it taught him a lesson about love.
"She and I fell in love like a couple of schoolkids," the 37-year-old country singer said Monday on ABC's "The View."
"I'm glad to know that that can happen. That that exists. And we really still care about each other a lot," said Chesney, who has a new CD, "The Road and the Radio."
CBS has ordered more editions of "Survivor" for next season but it remains uncertain whether host Jeff Probst will stay with the reality series.
The network said Tuesday it will air the 13th and 14th versions of "Survivor" in the 2006-07 season. The contract with Probst, who has been with the show since it started in summer 2000, extends through the "Survivor" now in production.
That 12th version, being filmed at an undisclosed location, will be broadcast next spring. "Survivor: Guatemala" is currently airing.
The original lyrics of 'Give Peace A Chance' handwritten by John Lennon on Queen Elizabeth hotel paper is held by a Bonhams employee at Bonhams auction house celebrity memorabilia sale in central London, Tuesday Nov. 8, 2005. The lyrics will be offered as part of the sale Wednesday, Nov. 17 and are estimated to reach between 175,000-200,000 pounds (US$ 304,000 to 348,000). This year marks the 25th anniversary of Lennon's death.
Photo by Jane Mingay
The WB Network has picked up additional episodes of two freshman series, "Related" and "Twins," although neither received an order for a full season.
The one-hour "Related" has nabbed an order for six segments, bringing its season total to 19, while the comedy "Twins," which stars Sara Gilbert, Molly Stanton and Melanie Griffith has been given a five-episode pickup for a total of 18.
The reduced back-orders for "Related" and "Twins" are said to be partially related to the process of cost-cutting throughout the divisions of Warner Bros.
Page Kennedy, who plays a fugitive from the law on "Desperate Housewives," was fired from the hit ABC drama for improper conduct, a series spokeswoman said Tuesday.
Kennedy, who joined the show this season, was let go Friday after a "thorough investigation by the studio" of the allegations against him, publicist Janet Daily said. "Desperate Housewives" is produced by Touchstone Television, part of The Walt Disney Co.
The alleged misconduct didn't involve another cast member, a source close to the production said, speaking on condition of anonymity.
The role of Caleb is being recast, Daily said. Kennedy's final appearance on the ABC series is Sunday.
An Iranian woman, symbolically dressed up as a victim of death by stoning, takes part in a protest of the National Council of Resistance of Iran outside a European Union foreign ministers meeting in Brussels November 7, 2005.
Photo by Thierry Roge
A steamy novel by Lewis "Scooter" Libby has become a hot item now that Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff is under indictment.
An inscribed copy of "The Apprentice: A Novel," which Libby wrote in 1996 when he was a relative unknown outside Washington, was on sale on online bookseller Amazon.com on Monday for $2,400. Unsigned hardcover copies were going for $700.
"Wow, who would have thought that clean living, family values man Scooter Libby was capable of writing such filth," said one reviewer on Amazon. Another Amazon reviewer noted its "lavish dollops of voyeurism, bestiality, pedophilia and corpse robbery."
Two skulls sit adorned with flowers, coca leaves and have lit cigarettes placed in their mouths as part of the celebration of the 'natitas,' or skulls, at the General Cemetery in La Paz, Bolivia for a Catholic blessing Tuesday, Nov. 8, 2005. The celebration of the skulls, known as natitas, showing the connection between life and death, has long been practiced in obscurity in Bolivia but has been growing in popularity in recent years. The tradition reflects the force of pre-Hispanic belief in Bolivia whose population is majority Indian _ so powerful that the Roman Catholic Church has chosen to recognize this and other non-Catholic traditions as a way of retaining its influence.
Photo by Juan Karita
A painting by an 86-year-old Chinese master has gone under the hammer for a record 30 million yuan, highlighting soaring world interest in Chinese art.
The work by Wu Guanzhong depicting a cluster of colorful parrots sitting on tree branches smashed the previous record price for a Chinese ink painting of 23 million yuan for a 12th century masterpiece by the Song Dynasty emperor Huizong.
The painting, which also set the record for a single work of contemporary Chinese art, was bought by an Indonesian man of Chinese descent.
Prime-time viewership numbers compiled by Nielsen Media Research for Oct. 31 to Nov. 6. Listings include the week's ranking, with viewership for the week and season-to-date rankings in parentheses. An "X" in parentheses denotes a one-time-only presentation.
1. (1) "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," CBS, 28.7 million viewers.
2. (2) "Desperate Housewives," ABC, 23.9 million viewers.
3. (3) "Without a Trace," CBS, 20.4 million viewers.
4. (8) "Survivor: Guatemala," CBS, 18.3 million viewers.
5. (4) "Grey's Anatomy," ABC, 18.1 million viewers.
6. (7) "NCIS," CBS, 18.1 million viewers.
7. (16) "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," ABC, 17.7 million viewers.
8. (12) "Cold Case," CBS, 16.6 million viewers.
9. (10) "NFL Monday Night Football: Baltimore at Pittsburgh," ABC, 16.5 million viewers.
10. (19) "Criminal Minds," CBS, 16.2 million viewers.
11. (12) "CSI: NY," CBS, 15.7 million viewers.
12. (15) "60 Minutes," CBS, 15.6 million viewers.
13. (11) "Law & Order: SVU," NBC, 15.2 million viewers.
14. (17) "NFL National Post Game," CBS, 15.1 million viewers.
15. (8) "Commander in Chief," ABC, 14.6 million viewers.
16. (40) "CBS Sunday Movie: Category 7: End of the World, Part 1," CBS, 14.3 million viewers.
17. (17) "ER," NBC, 14.3 million viewers.
18. (26) "Law & Order: Criminal Intent," NBC, 14.3 million viewers.
19. (24) "House," Fox, 13.4 million viewers.
20. (5) "CSI: Miami," CBS, 13.3 million viewers.
Jean Carson, a West Virginia native who appeared in dozens of television shows and movies and on Broadway, has died. She was 82.
Carson was perhaps best known for playing "Fun Girl" Daphne on "The Andy Griffith Show." She only appeared in three episodes but Daphne and her line "hello, doll," which she said as she flirted with Sheriff Andy Taylor, have become a part of Mayberry mythology.
Carson began her acting career on Broadway in 1948, appearing in George S. Kaufman's "Bravo." In 1949, she appeared in "Bird Cage" and was nominated for a Tony for Most Promising Newcomer.
You have reached the Home page of BartCop Entertainment.
Make yourself home, take your shoes off...
Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.
The idea is to have fun.
Do you have something to say?
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better,
amused or entertained?
Do you have a great album no one's heard?
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?
A popular artist that just plain pisses you off?
A box set the whole world should own?
Vile, filthy rumors about Republican musicians?
Just plain vile, filthy rumors?
This is your place.
(In other words, submissions are welcome.)
Send mail to Marty
( SuprmChaos at yahoo dot com )
The Fitzmas Song
