BartCop Entertainment Archives - Wednesday, 4 May, 2005
Wednesday
4 May, 2005
(Updated Daily)
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Issue #150
Disinfotainment Today
By Michael Dare
Issue #150
is brought to you byNew Technology
Everything but the Lead Story
Job Opportunity of the Week for Dick Cheney
Item I Should Have Used Two Months Ago
I wrote Governor Jeb Bush asking him to please let Terri Schiavo die in peace. Here's the reply...
Thank you for contacting Governor Bush to ask for his help in the case of Terri Schiavo. He has asked me to respond on his behalf.
The Governor shares your concern for this young woman and has pledged to do whatever he can within the laws of Florida to protect her life. The next few weeks will be very difficult ones for Ms. Schiavo, her family and all of those who care about her. The Governor asks that you keep her and her family in your prayers during this difficult time.
Again, thank you for writing Governor Bush about this important issue.
Sincerely,
L. O'Connor
Office of Citizens' Services
Irony of the Week
The term "spam," meaning unsolicited email, came from a sketch on Monty Python's Flying Circus in which Spam was an ingredient in every item on the menu in a diner. Currently running on Broadway is a musical called Spamalot, based upon Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If you subscribe to the Spamalot newsletter, you recently got the following...
SpamAlot Security Alert
Dear Spamalot Newsletter Subscriber,
It has come to our attention, that the database containing your subscription information may have been compromised during an attack on our servers by internet hackers. As a result of this theft, you may receive unsolicited emails to the account you submitted including fraudulent emails that appear to come from financial institutions. Since being informed of the potential problem, we have taken additional security precautions which will prevent this type of attack from succeeding in the future.
We apologize if this has caused you alarm or inconvenience. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact us at newsletter@montypythonsspamalot.com.
Sincerely,
Website Manager
Stupid Answers of the Week
Last week's question...
Out the door. Truncated issue. No time to come up with a stupid question. Whatayuh gonna do about it?
Send in a stupid answer anyway!
- Harry Houck
couldn't think of any questions, huh? how about, "why strippers never use horizontal poles? or why more polish girls aren't strippers?" Something involving nudity, for Christ's sake. n don't tell me about the gravity of the horizontal pole question either...it's plenty stupid.
what am I gonna do about it?
what are YOU gonna do about it, media boy?
very best,
chris from boca
Ok I'll ask you a question.
If a theoretical tree falls in a hypothetical forest and there are no pan-dimensional beings around to hear it does it still make a metaphysical sound?
- Paul
Why. Do you ask?
- Jeffery Berenfeld
Maybe it's just me, but has anyone else noticed that the current evangelical-Christian 'religion' pushed today has all the characteristics of the perfect conspiracy theory?
It has:
The greatest hero possible (Jesus)
Fighting for the greatest power ("God")
The greatest enemy possible ("Satan and his minions")
Who's minions are everywhere (Everyone that doesn't agree with them, especially liberals)
The greatest possible stakes (The world and all its 'souls,' which for the cynical means total power over everyone else)
The greatest possible battle (Armageddon)
The greatest possible chances of being a self-fulfilling prophecy (Bush and the Neo-cons)
I'm sure that you can add to this list without too much effort.
It just keeps coming back, too. The "Armageddon of some kind is right around the corner unless you follow me" crowd has been there ever since recorded history began.
- Call me "Sarek of Vulcan" Please don't use my real name or e-mail address if you print this. The mindstate of the radical Right and its followers concerns me these days. It's getting harder and harder for me tell the difference between religious fanatics.. Islamic, Christian, or any other.Stray thought: Hmmm..I wonder what a Buddhist terrorist would do as a terrorist act?
Mike mate
Your country has some of the most severe drug laws in the world, yes? (Besides Bali, where 9 Australians are waiting to be served with possible death sentences and 1 facing life for a marijuana bust that appears totally false)... anyhoo...
I've heard of people in America doing years in the joint for possessing a joint, so what possesses you to constantly keep referring to drugs?
And giving the cops a time and place ("If you're in LA, you can reach me at 213-624-1000. Come by. Bring drugs") to come and get you?
Are you possessed with a joint wish?
- Waldo
I refuse to let paranoia rule my life. Besides, two people actually DID come by with pot, so it was worth it. Luckily, Disinfotainment Today doesn't drug test it's employees.
MD
dear human gods,
please help me to overcome my homosexual tendencies. i know only god and god's good people can save me from myself. i will bend on knee for jesus and god and give them all the loving that i can muster if they could do this one thing for me. I will please them while in submission in anyway that i can. And if you could bring me to that place in front of gods great power, i will also give you a life time full of servitude and love. please help me.
I'm just a poor soul who has been affected by the demon that is homosexuality. since i was a little boy i always had thoughts about men. some might think that a percentage of humans just might happen to be gay but i know (because i believe in you so) that they are wrong and misguided. i know that its only when they are held from behind by the great power of christ that they will reach their climax of eternal bliss. its only when gods great hand moves across their bodies that they can reach that place of great pleasure.
PLEASE HELP! the earth needs your views and beliefs to dictate us before we become a bunch of ass grabbing monkey queers. god save the queen.
- derral
ps. its about time we start grilling these bastards. i hope one day they will find themselves in front of the hateful devil they worship, getting it in the ear.
Stupid Question of the Week
I've never understood why "I can't see me lovin' nobody but YOU for all my life" is supposed to be a compliment. And don't get me started on "Someone like YOU makes it hard to live without SOMEBODY ELSE." Name some other lines in rock songs that don't make a shred of sense.
Chart of the Week
Pamela Anderson is nothing like Adolf Hitler
Action Hitler Anderson
Blew Tommy Lee No Yes
Annexed the Sudatenland Yes No
Belated Christmas Gift from Hell
For the Doper Who Has Everything
The controversial U.S. 1937 Marijuana Tax stamps kept under lock and key
for nearly 70 years are now available to collectors for the first time! Now you
can acquire a rare, complete set of four perforate stamps from the historic
First Issue of Marijuana stamps... and the remarkable history they represent.
For your convenience, interest-free time payments are available.
Report: U.S. Leads World In Lost Sunglasses
WASHINGTON, DC
According to a report by the Bureau of Accessory Statistics, each year the U.S. loses more pairs of sunglasses per person than any other nation. "Over 1.6 billion pairs of sunglasses are lost by Americans concerned with shielding their eyes from excess light and harmful UVA radiation," the report read. "This works out to six pairs of sunglasses per American per year, or 50 pairs of sunglasses lost every second." In second place, Italy has a lost-sunglasses rate of one pair per citizen per year, followed by Japan, Iceland, and Portugal with loss rates of .23, .19, and .16 respectively.
Internet Joke of the Week
The Marines found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted, Capt. Hickey, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted, Major Bordonaro, was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a grizzly old LT. Colonel, Mike Dean. When asked where he would like to be measured, he replied, "From the tip of my penis to my testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he may want to reconsider; explaining about the nice checks the previous two officers had received.
But the old Snake Eater insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Colonel to drop' em, which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Colonel's penis and began to work back. "My God! he suddenly exclaimed", "Where are your testicles?"
The Lt. Colonel calmly replied, "Vietnam."
Belated Chanukah Gift from Hell
For the Doper Who Has Everything
Don't Take My Word For It
"Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation."
- Robert A. Heinlein -
"My guard stood hard when abstract threats
too noble to neglect
deceived me into thinking
I had something to protect.
Good and bad, I define these terms
Quite clear, no doubt, somehow
Ah, but I was so much older then
I'm younger than that now."
- Bob Dylan: My Back Pages -
"Though the Minuteman organizers vowed that 1,600 or more mad-as-hell volunteers had signed up for duty and that 'potentially several thousands' would participate in the kickoff rallies during April Fools' weekend, turnout was an unmitigated flop less than a tenth of the promised throngs showed up at the rallies. The entire Minuteman spectacle, indeed, easily qualified for that journalistic catchall phrase, 'a fizzle,' but virtually none of the news media reported it as such.
"On its opening day, I could count no more than 135 participants, even at the two kickoff public rallies along the Arizona border. At one near the border town of Douglas, two dozen reporters and a handful of TV cameras swarmed over no more than 10 Minutemen most of them sitting in lawn chairs or in pickup truck beds. During the entire kickoff weekend, the media troops clearly outnumbered the Minutemen. And in the days that followed, piecing together the various reports and reading between the lines, it's obvious that the Minuteman numbers dwindled to no more than a few dozen at a time. If that many people marched down Hollywood Boulevard for any cause, who'd report it?...
"But the notion of platoons of gun-toting yahoos combing the U.S. border and possibly confronting (if not shooting) illegal crossers or even Border Patrol agents was just too much of a temptation for a sensation-driven media to resist. The streets of picturesque Tombstone were, all of a sudden, jammed with mammoth satellite trucks as reporters, camera operators, technicians and writers combed the tourist saloons for their story like modern Wyatt Earps stalking the Clanton gang. No one in the media, it seems, wanted to be the one who told his or her boss that they had trekked out to the border for no reason. So the media shut their eyes and obediently played their role as enablers to the publicity-starved organizers. That too-common Faustian bargain of modern media was quietly negotiated: We'll put you on the air or get you in the paper if you give us good copy. Show us a few guys with guns so we can get our story and go home."
"You wanna end abortion? It's simple. It's easy. Picketing 'abortion mills' is not going to do it. And George Bush ain't gonna do it either. Sorry, guys. THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO END ABORTIONS: Make sure there is a place in this world for every child that is conceived so that a woman getting pregnant won't be afraid to carry her child to term. Have the food, housing, education, health care, aunts, uncles and loving grandparents all lined up to help. Make sure there's a place for little Johnny at Harvard. It's that easy. I think God would agree with me."
"Bush is a hooligan bereft of any personality as a human being, to say nothing of stature as president of a country. He is a half-baked man in terms of morality and a philistine whom we can never deal with."
"They've vanished into the netherworld of a Homeland Security gulag and their story has already disappeared from the headlines, but the shocking case of two 16-year-old girls from New York City arrested a month ago ought to inspire outrage among every American worthy of the name. Since the government's reasons for the girls' imprisonment could apply to virtually any teenager, it should also spark fear...
"Without a warrant, NYPD detectives and federal agents burst into the girl's home - no wonder they don't have time to look for Osama! - where they 'searched her belongings and confiscated her computer and the essays that she had written as part of a home schooling program,' say her family. 'One essay concerned suicide...[that] asserted that suicide is against Islamic law.' The family is Bangladeshi. They are Muslim. That, coupled with the mere mention of suicide bombing in her essay, was enough to put the fuzz on high alert.
"Although she is conservative and devout, the girl and her parents vigorously deny that she is an Islamist extremist (not that such opinions are illegal), but this is post-9/11 America and post-9/11 America is out of its mind.
"Based solely on an essay written by one of the two, the FBI says both girls are 'an imminent threat to the security of the United States based upon evidence that they plan to become suicide bombers.' But the feds admit that they have no evidence to back their suspicions. Nothing."
"We've got God on our side
We're just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love"
- Bruce Springsteen: Devils and Dust -
"One thing Biosphere 2 never was was dull science. And one thing it may not be is around much longer. The world's largest greenhouse, with its artificial rain forest, deserts, savannas, farms and miniature ocean, is up for sale, and there's a chance it will shut down as a tourist attraction by the end of summer. If you've ever wanted to tour Biosphere 2, you'd best do it soon...
"[A]lmost from the moment they sealed the airlock, things began to go wrong. They'd picked the site for its bountiful sunshine, but those two years coincided with an El Nio episode, and the cloudy Arizona skies blocked a quarter of the usual solar rays. The photosynthesis of oxygen-giving plants slowed sharply. The hummingbirds began to die off. So did the bumblebees. Plants didn't get pollinated; crops began to fail. The pigs raided the vegetable gardens before they, too, died. The screeching galagas kept the Biospherians awake at night. Chickens laid only 256 eggs the first year, although their output increased when they were fed a rich diet of the ubiquitous cockroaches. Eventually, 19 of the 25 vertebrate species in their little world went "extinct." Ironically, the only birds to thrive were three English sparrows that weren't supposed to be there in the first place. They'd stowed away during construction.
"'Basically, we suffocated, starved and went mad,' Jane Poynter, one of the Biospherians, was widely quoted as saying."
"The trouble is, when you win a close race, you owe all the members of your coalition big-time. You can't say to the National Rifle Association or the Confederation of Roof Manufacturers, 'Go take a leap - we could have won without you.' You pretty much have to say, 'So what do you want?'"
- Molly Ivins: Who Let the Dogs In? -
"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it."
- Upton Sinclair -
"According to aerodynamic laws, the bumblebee cannot fly. Its body weight is not the right proportion to its wingspan. Ignoring these laws, the bumblebee flies anyway."
- M. Sainte-Lague -
"If you can't be competent, at least be consistent to give the rest of us an opportunity to plan our defense."
- James C. Sandefer: Rambling Thoughts -
"Usually people become reporters before they prostitute themselves."
"Learn as though you would never be able to master it; hold it as though you would be in fear of losing it."
- Confucius -
"Style and Structure are the essence of a book; great ideas are hogwash."
- Vladimir Nabokov -
"Though God cannot alter the past, historians can."
- Samuel Butler -
"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night."
- Marie Corelli -
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
- John Benfield -
"Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can't be taken on its own merits."
- Dan Barker -
"We do not err because truth is difficult to see. It is visible at a glance. We err because this is more comfortable."
- Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn -
"We're all in this alone."
- Lily Tomlin -
"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at."
- Jimmy Demaret -
"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."
- George Washington -
"Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us."
- Jerry Garcia -
"The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty."
- Eugene McCarthy -
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
- Cyril Connolly -
Everything Else
If you dream of writing background music for film or television, post your music at Freeplay and see what happens.
Don't let this happen to you
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are here.
Boo hoo.
I can't even afford a cell phone, much less produce content for it.
Acknowledgment
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.
Thanks,
Dewey Chizone
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'Best of TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
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Cory!! Strode On Graphic Novels
Manga
I don't review a lot of the Japanese comics (also known as manga) on the market when I do these. I know that if you walk into a bookstore and look in the graphic novel section, you will see row after row of Japanese comics, and according to the sales charts I read, once you get out of comic book specialty stores, manga outsells all of the American comics. The main reason I don't review them is because most of the stuff in the mainstream book stores isn't aimed at me, since it is aimed at a younger (9 - 14 year old) audience.
In Japan, manga cover just about every subject that can be used for stories, with everything from love stories aimed at teenage girls to stories about businessmen dealing with corporate culture. Here in the US, the ones that get translated tend to be aimed at younger readers, and I believe that is because American comic book companies have given up on trying to sell comics to younger readers, focusing on long time Super-Hero fans and older, more sophisticated readers. The most fascinating thing about the manga trend has been that it has really brought in a young female readership, one that comic books haven't had since the death of romance comics in the mid 60's. Most adult readers who pick up an average manga will either be lost in all of the Japanese stylistic oddities (like having a character who is nervous having a HUGE sweat drop hanging on their forehead) or reading something that seems like an ARCHIE comic with aliens and weird talking animals.
However, scattered in the manga about video games, space princesses and unrequited love is a comic I consider to be one of the greatest comic book series ever printed, Lone Wolf And Cub, which has finally had all 27 volumes translated and printed in the US by Dark Horse comics. Lone Wolf and Cub was one of the first Japanese comics to be translated for an American audience in the 80's, but the company that was printing the stories went out of business before they were able to get half of the run completed. For over ten years, different publishers attempted to get the rights, so by the time Dark Horse was able to publish the books, most people who were reading Japanese comics had little knowledge of the series.
The premise is simple, in feudal Japan, a masterless Samurai (ronin) is forced to wander the countryside with his young son. As he travels, he takes work as an assassin, faces off against warriors that have been dispatched to kill him, and attempts to regain his lost honor. Yes, you have seen that plot in endless martial arts movies, but that doesn't mean it is a simply action story. Underlying the sword fights is a story that mixes Japanese history, philosophy and some of the most rich characters in any literary form. All of the stories in each volume reward re-reading, as what seems simple on the surface usually has a thematic meaning that isn't readily apparent.
The art is some of the best in comics, and does not look like the "Disney-style" manga art people are used to seeing. Artist ****** is a master of facial expression and body language, conveying character through action and pose rather than expository dialogged. The art also clearly shows action is such a way that the reader's eye quickly grasps what is going on, and feels as close to a movie on a page as any comic I have read. The art style has influenced many of the American comics industry's major artists, and is cited as "Sin City's" Frank Miller as the comic that taught him how to tell stories through art.
There are usually three to four full stories in each volume, and like all good serial fiction, each one can be read separately, but read together they all fit as if they were simply chapters in a long novel. All 27 volumes are well done, but if you are going to give it a try, it's not a good idea to start with the final volume, as much of the ending will not make much sense without a firm grasp of what has come before. Any of the others can be read independently, and when it was first publishing in the US, it was published out of order to no ill effect. The only drawback is that American audiences are less likely to pick up the subtle nods to Japanese history (although there are essays in the back of each book to help with that), and the casual reader may have trouble keeping track of minor characters. However, Lone Wolf and Cub is one of the few comics in the Manga section that can be picked up and enjoyed by someone who's never read a comic book before, let alone a Japanese comic. I give the series a 5 out of 5.
Cory!! Strode (The Best Dressed Man In Comics) has written comic books, novels, jokes for comedians, Op Ed columns, the on-line comic strip
www.Asylumon5thstreet.com and has all kinds of things on his website
www.solitairerose.com
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Freshly Updated!
Skinema
Greetings all, Happy Spring.
Letting you know there is a new addition to the skinema family, the
dermatology in the media blog. Up to the minute observations on the
state of skin in film, television, and music. I also welcome input.
Just send comments my way to post. Enjoy:
--Vail Reese, MD
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ADORNING THE CURB
LIKE A YELLOW BED OF CALM
DAISIES ROUND A TRUNK
Zen Man
(on Cedar St. in Berkeley)
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Recommended Reading
from Bruce
Gael Murphy: The Guards Are Sleeping (AlterNet)
White House correspondent Helen Thomas speaks about the herd mentality of mainstream media and challenging the administration on its rationale for the war.
Chad Graham: How to fight the far right (Advocate.com)
Are you sick and tired of getting beaten back by the religious zealots in this country? Take 15 minutes and make a difference right now. Here's how
Molly Ivins: Dumb Dems Let GOP Run Wild (AlterNet)
The unholy combination of theocracy and plutocracy that now rules this country is, in fact, enabled by dumb liberals.
Jerry Lembcke: Debunking a spitting image (Boston Globe)
STORIES ABOUT spat-upon Vietnam veterans are like mercury: Smash one and six more appear. It's hard to say where they come from.
FRANK BLACK: I is for Interview (www.laalternativepress.com)
Indie-rock hero Frank Black goes one-on-one with his literary hero, the indomitable Ray Bradbury.
David Bruce: Wise Up: Practical jokes (The Athens News)
Children's book illustrator Victoria Chess owns two cats, Zazou and Pearl, that like to play practical jokes on her pet dog. Working together, Zazou and Pearl capture a chipmunk and carry it into the house, where they release it near the dog. They then sit back and watch the dog explode into a furniture-upheaving frenzy.
Steve Buscemi: Indie King
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from Bruce
An Appeal
Here is your chance to do a good deed and give an organization a
pleasant surprise. All you have to do is send a $5 check to:
Ohio University College Democrats
18 W. State Street
Suite 102
Athens, Ohio 45701
Thanks a bunch!
Bruce
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The Wall Street Poet
'The VAT Song'
When markets force Congress to finally get serious about reducing deficits, you'll start hearing a lot about a Value Added Tax. Long popular in Europe, VATs not only raise huge amounts of money, they fall most heavily on the poor. And who could object to that? "The VAT Song" that follows is sung to the tune of "Home On The Range."
The VAT Song
Oh, give me a home,
Like in Stuttgart or Rome,
Where you're taxed on the basics you buy;
Though it may not seem fair,
Tax collectors don't care,
'Cause the take is so wonderfully high.
Chorus
VAT, that's where it's at,
A tax that cuts lean but spares fat;
It makes the poor twitch,
But falls light on the rich,
And no one could argue with that.
My accountant is slick,
He knows ev'ry trick,
He brags ev'ry time that I call:
"A tax code regressive?
Your wealth's more impressive,
Your heirs will be having a ball."
Chorus
VAT, that's where it's at,
A tax that cuts lean but spares fat;
It makes the poor twitch,
But falls light on the rich,
And no one could argue with that.
I deserve to live free,
No estate tax for me,
And a payroll tax that's nicely skewed;
As taxes get flatter,
"They're fairer," I natter,
And the rubes go along and get screwed.
Chorus
VAT, that's where it's at,
A tax that cuts lean but spares fat;
It makes the poor twitch,
But falls light on the rich,
And no one could argue with that.
©2005
**********
For more financial verse:
www.wallstreetpoet.com
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Reader Viewing Suggestion
'Touch Of Evil'
Marty:
'Touch Of Evil' (1958) is on
TCM tonight and it's a humdinger.
This is a film noir classic, with a great cast that includes Charlton Heston in what I consider his best role-that of Mexican detective Mike Vargas. He's working a crime in a border town, contending not only with the local crime syndicate, but with Gringo detective Hank Quinlan, played by Orson Welles. Between Welles, Heston and Janet Leigh, who plays Heston's gringo wife, this movie writhes with angst as only a really good film noir can.
Welles directs this film, in addition to providing a first rate acting job. It is a classic black and white detective thriller and maybe the best example of film noir out there.
- Tim H
Thanks, Tim!
TCM salutes
Orson Welles every Wednesday in May.
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Purple Gene Reviews
Conor Oberst
Purple Genes' review of Bright Eyes' Conor Oberst on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno Monday night May 2nd:
I don't know who else caught the tonight show last night, but there was a frumpy plaid phenomenon named Conor Oberst (of Bright Eyes) singing or should I say gargling an incredible song called "When the President Talks to God". I was rather taken aback by how off key - off rhythm - out of tune and off looking this former Omaha, Nebraska 25 year old seemed. Sorta country-ish, folk-ish, rock-ish, indie-ish, dexies midnight runners-ish lyrically Dylan-ish even Joe Strummer-ish…. but shit here he is on National TV singing:
"When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's NOT?
That the voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?
I doubt it
I doubt it !"
Verse after verse of political diatribe against George Bush….I couldn't believe it.
I found out that Conor started his own record label (Saddle Creek) to avoid the clutches of commercialism, won't play on any Clear Channel venues and has a conscience….and a wicked and cynical sense of humor…..and he can't sing for shit….but you gotta hear this guy !!!!!!
Purple Gene gives Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes 10 shivering, unnerving high notes out of 10 for hitting the nail of truth on the head !!!!!
streaming video clip of Bright Eyes performing the track on Leno
BRIGHT EYES LYRICS - When The President Talks To God
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Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
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In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Sunny day.
Yahoo has increased e-mail storage to 1 GB!
'Spray 'N Wash' has a new 60 second commercial - at the end they say 'Your next purchase free if you're not satisfied.'
If I'm not satisfied why would I want more, even if it's free?
Today is the 35th anniversary of Kent State.
Tonight, Wednesday:
CBS starts the night with a FRESH 'special' - 'A Dr. Phil Primetime Special: Escaping Danger (& Rehabilitating Pat O'Brien)', followed by a FRESH 'The King Of Queens', then a FRESH 'Yes, Dear', followed by a FRESH 'CSI: The 3rd One'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Orlando Bloom and Jack Hanna.
Scheduled on a FRESH Craig are Gary Sinise, ultramarathon runner Dean Karnazes, and Charlie Daniels.
NBC opens the night with 'Dateline', followed by a FRESH 'Revelations' (part 4 of 6), then a FRESH 'Law & Order'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Leno are Sylvester Stallone, Daniel Tosh, and Faith Evans.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan aare Don Cheadle and Jim Gaffigan.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Mila Kunis, D.L. Hughley, and Erasure.
ABC begins the night with a FRESH 'Lost', followed by a FRESH 'Alias', then 'PrimeTime Live', where they go after the biggest scandal they could find - 'American Idol'. (yawn)
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Bonnie Hunt, Seth MacFarlane, and Alex Borstein.
The WB offers a FRESH 'Smallville', followed by a FRESH 'Jack & Bobby'.
Faux has a FRESH 'That 70s Show', followed by a RERUN 'That 70s Show', then a FRESH 'American Idol', followed by a FRESH 'Life On A Stick'.
UPN has a FRESH 'America's Next Top Model', followed by a FRESH 'Kevin Hill'.
A&E has 'American Justice', another 'American Justice', 'JonBenet: Anatomy Of An Investigation', and a FRESH 'MovieReal'.
AMC offers the movie 'Warlock', followed by the movie 'Nevada Smith', then the movie 'Winchester '73'.
BBC -
[2pm] 'As Time Goes By' - Episode 6;
[2:40pm] 'Are You Being Served?' - Takeover;
[3:20pm] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 2;
[4pm] 'Ground Force' - Beckenham;
[4:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Heybridge;
[5pm] 'Beyond Boiling Point' - Episode 2;
[5:30pm] 'Beyond Boiling Point' - Episode 1;
[6pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Posner;
[7pm] 'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 28;
[8pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Michael Richards;
[8:30pm] 'So Graham Norton' - Bryan Adams;
[9pm] 'Absolutely Fabulous' - Fashion;
[9:40pm] 'Kumars at No. 42' - Jennifer Saunders;
[10:20pm] 'The Smoking Room' - Episode 1;
[11pm] 'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 28;
[12am] 'So Graham Norton' - Michael Richards;
[12:30am] 'So Graham Norton' - Bryan Adams;
[1am] 'Absolutely Fabulous' - Fashion;
[1:40am] 'Kumars at No. 42' - Jennifer Saunders;
[2:20am] 'The Smoking Room' - Episode 1;
[3am] 'So Graham Norton' - Michael Richards;
[3:30am] 'So Graham Norton' - Bryan Adams;
[4am] 'Absolutely Fabulous' - Fashion;
[4:40am] 'Kumars at No. 42' - Jennifer Saunders;
[5:20am] 'The Smoking Room' - Episode 1;
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EDT)
Bravo has 'West Wing', 'Queer Eye', 'Showdog Moms & Dads', and another 'Showdog Moms & Dads'.
Comedy Central has 'MAD TV', 'Comedy Central Presents' (Scott Kennedy), another 'Comedy Central Presents' (Sue Murphy), 'South Park', another 'South Park', and a FRESH 'Con'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jon Stewart is Martin Short.
History has 'Modern Marvels', 'Hitler's War', another 'Hitler's War', and another 'Modern Marvels'.
IFC -
[6AM] 'IFC Short Film Collection II' (2005);
[8AM] 'The Plague' (1992);
[10AM] 'Running Time' (1997);
[11:15AM] 'IFC in Theaters' (2005);
[11:30AM] 'Beijing Bicycle' (2001);
[1:30PM] 'The Plague' (1992);
[3:30PM] 'The Last Broadcast' (1991);
[5:15PM] 'Beijing Bicycle' (2001);
[7:15PM] 'The Broken Hearts Club' (2000);
[9PM] 'Girl 6' (1996);
[11PM] 'The Double Life Of Veronique' (1991);
[1AM] 'Girl 6' (1996);
[3AM] 'The Double Life Of Veronique' (1991);
[5AM] 'IFC Short Film Showcase' (2005). (ALL TIMES EDT)
SciFi has all 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not!' all night.
Sundance -
[6:30AM] 'Rififi' (Feature);
[8:30AM] 'Butterfly' (Documentary);
[10AM] 'The Secret Lives of Dentists' (Feature);
[11:45AM] 'Anatomy of a Scene: The Secret Lives of Dentists' (Original Production);
[12:15PM] 'Our Times' (Documentary);
[1:30PM] 'Rififi' (Feature);
[3:30PM] 'American Waitress: New Mexico' (Feature);
[4:45PM] 'The Secret Lives of Dentists' (Feature);
[6:30PM] 'Anatomy of a Scene: The Secret Lives of Dentists' (Original Production);
[7PM] 'New Scenes From America' (Documentary);
[7:35PM] 'Eat This New York' (Documentary);
[9PM] 'Elling' (Feature);
[10:30PM] 'This Charming Man' (Der Er En Yndig Mand) (Feature);
[11PM] 'Love The Hard Way' (Feature);
[12:40AM] 'Love Me or Leave Me Alone' (Feature);
[1AM] 'Design' (Feature);
[3AM] 'Dirty Work' (Documentary);
[4AM] 'The Cockettes' (Documentary);
[5:40AM] 'Melvin Goes to Dinner' (Feature). (ALL TIMES EDT)
TCM celebrates the fabulous
Orson Welles most of the night.
[6am] 'Politics' (1931);
[7:15am] 'His Family Tree' (1935);
[8:30am] 'You Can't Beat Love' (1937);
[9:45am] 'Quick Money' (1938);
[11am] 'The Great Man Votes' (1939);
[12:15pm] 'Torchy Runs For Mayor' (1939);
[1:30pm] 'Kid Glove Killer' (1942);
[3pm] 'A Stranger In Town' (1943);
[4:30pm] 'Key To The City' (1950);
[6:30pm] 'The Reformer And The Redhead' (1950);
[8pm] 'Citizen Kane' (1941) [View Trailer];
[10:15pm] 'The Magnificent Ambersons' (1942) [View Trailer];
[12am] 'The Lady From Shanghai' (1948) [View Trailer];
[1:30am] 'Touch Of Evil' (1958);
[3:30am] 'The Red Danube' (1949);
[5:30am] 'MGM Parade Show #33' (1955). (ALL TIMES EDT)
Thursday - 05/05
TCM pays tribute to director
Luis Buñuel most of the night.
[6am] 'Trail Guide' (1952);
[7:30am] 'Road Agent' (1952);
[9am] 'Target' (1952);
[10:15am] 'The Half-Breed' (1952);
[11:45am] 'Desert Passage' (1952);
[1pm] 'The Lusty Men' (1952);
[3pm] 'The Treasure Of Pancho Villa' (1955);
[4:45pm] 'Tension At Table Rock' (1956);
[6:30pm] 'Run Of The Arrow' (1957);
[8pm] 'Los Olvidados' (1950);
[9:45pm] 'Nazarin' (1959);
[11:30pm] 'Viridiana' (1961);
[1:15am] 'The Exterminating Angel' (1962) [AKA: 'El Ángel exterminador'];
[3am] 'Simon of the Desert' (1965) [AKA: 'Simón del desierto'];
[4am] 'Viva Villa!' (1934). (ALL TIMES EDT)
Any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
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Sean Penn, left, and VH1 president John Sykes greet guests before heading into the ballroom for the Syracuse University S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications 40th anniversary Tuesday, May 3, 2005 in New York.
Photo by Julie Jacobson
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Plays Reunion Concert in London
Cream
After waiting more than 35 years for the sunshine of their love, Cream fans were treated to the reunion of Eric Clapton's rock supergroup at a concert at Royal Albert Hall.
At the sold-out concert, a 60-year-old Clapton, Jack Bruce, 61, and Ginger Baker, 65, took the stage at the same venue where they played their 1968 farewell show.
The trio, who named themselves for being the cream of the crop, were together only two years, but they have cast a long shadow on British blues-rock. Hits such as "Sunshine of Your Love" and "Strange Brew" helped catapult Clapton and his dazzling guitar playing to international stardom.
Cream was to play three more Albert Hall dates on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday - all sold out.
Cream
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Cleared of Incorrect Behavior
Bill Maher
A Los Angeles judge has thrown out a palimony lawsuit brought by Bill Maher's former girlfriend Nancy "Coco" Johnsen.
Johnsen launched her $9 million palimony suit on Nov. 10, after the couple's relationship soured. She claimed Maher promised her marriage and a mansion after she quit her job as a flight attendant to be his fulltime steady. Her suit also included allegations that Maher physically abused her and made "degrading racial comments" about her.
Maher immediately cried foul and filed his own motion two weeks later stating the accusations were false and he was the target of extortion. "When the dating ended, [Johnsen] launched a campaign to embarrass, humiliate and extort ridiculous sums of money from Bill Maher," the filing read. He asked for a full dismissal of the case.
On Monday, a Los Angeles Superior Court judge granted the motion.
Bill Maher
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Returning To 'SNL' - As Host
Will Ferrell
"Saturday Night Live" is getting some more cowbell. Will Ferrell will host the show May 14, his first appearance since leaving "SNL" in 2002 after seven seasons as a cast member, NBC announced Tuesday. Queens of the Stone Age will be the musical guest.
Ferrell became one of the stars of the sketch comedy show with skits such as Craig the Spartan cheerleader, an impression of resident Bush and the cowbell-playing member of Blue Oyster Cult.
Will Ferrell
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Former U.S. President Bill Clinton announces a new initiative to reduce childhood obesity and improve the health of children, at an event in Harlem, held at Public School 128 in New York, May 3, 2005. The Clinton Foundation and American Heart Association hope to work over the next ten years to promote healthier lifestyles.
Photo by Chip East
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Talk Show Post 'Will & Grace'
Megan Mullally
It looks as if "Will & Grace" star Megan Mullally will stay in the NBC Universal family after the end of the acclaimed NBC sitcom, moving from primetime to daytime as host of her own talk show.
Sources said the Emmy-winning actress is in final negotiations with NBC Universal Domestic Television Distribution to host a show aimed for 2006.
The lucrative pact, said to be in the mid-seven figures, will accommodate Mullally's commitment to "Will & Grace," which was recently picked up for an eighth and probably final season.
In case the comedy returns for a ninth season in fall 2006, Mullally is expected to do both the talk show and the sitcom, which is produced by corporate sibling NBC Universal TV Studio.
Megan Mullally
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Hosting 'Last Call' in L.A.
Carson Daly
NBC's Carson Daly is taking his "Last Call" show to Los Angeles for most of May - a ratings "sweeps" month for TV networks.
The show, which airs at 1:35 a.m., will tape episodes at the Hollywood Palladium to air between May 6 and May 27.
Matt Dillon, Michael Chiklis, Tom Green, Gary Sinise and Playboy founder Hugh Hefner are among the celebrities scheduled to appear. Keane, The Donnas, The Wallflowers, Ben Lee, The Dan Band and Trillville featuring Lil' Jon will perform this month.
Carson Daly
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'Daily Show' Regular Gets Show
Stephen Colbert
If Comedy Central's Jon Stewart is the comic version of Peter Jennings or Brian Williams, Stephen Colbert promises to be the same for Bill O'Reilly and others like him.
"The Daily Show" regular will star each night in "The Colbert Report," likely starting in September. Comedy Central is revamping its schedule, recognizing that late-night programming is essentially prime time for its youthful audience.
"It's as if my character on `The Daily Show' got promoted," Colbert told The Associated Press.
He'll be a "very well-intentioned, poorly informed, high-status idiot, not unlike some people who have these shows in the real world," he said.
Stephen Colbert
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Finally Gets A Talent Agent
Angelina Jolie
Tabloid fixture Angelina Jolie has signed with Creative Artists Agency, having had no agent for the better part of a decade.
She is the latest in a long line of actresses to head to CAA in recent months. Others include Drew Barrymore, Kate Winslet, Cate Blanchett, Lindsay Lohan and Meg Ryan.
Angelina Jolie
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Saudi veiled women doctors seen working at a hospital in Riyadh in this March 2005 file photo. There is a real chance women will vote in Saudi Arabia's next municipal council elections scheduled for 2009, a senior Saudi official said on Tuesday.
Photo by Sultan Al Fahed
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Imax Version
'Harry Potter'
Imax Corp. on Monday said it has made a deal with Warner Bros. Pictures to release "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on its big screens simultaneously with conventional theaters next November.
Toronto-based Imax said the fourth installment of the "Harry Potter" franchise would be digitally remastered and released on Imax screens and in traditional cinemas on Nov. 18, 2005.
Warner Bros. has also teed up its "Batman Begins" and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" for release on Imax screens later this year.
'Harry Potter'
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I'm Pissed
(formerly 'The Vidiot')
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Short Feud
Tom Green
Tom Green called off a self-proclaimed "horrific feud" with fellow Canadian funnyman Martin Short after spending several days last month waging a one-sided war against Short via his official Website, TomGreen.com, and a second site, cleverly dubbed MartinShortIsLame.com.
The strife between the two entertainers began when Short made comments about Green in an interview published in the May issue of W magazine, stating that Green had stormed off the set of Short's Comedy Central show Primetime Glick four years ago after Short's alter ego, Jiminy Glick, asked Green about his testicular cancer.
To add insult to injury, at least in the world of comedic types, Short had the gall to claim that out of all the 60-odd guests he had interviewed as Glick, Green was the only one who "didn't get it."
A furious Green quickly responded via his blog, explaining that Short's jabs had been offensive to him, coming as they did in the wake of his recent cancer recovery. (Never mind that Green himself had poked fun at his own cancer treatment via his Website and an MTV special.)
For the rest - Tom Green
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Tommy Ramone of former U.S. punk band 'The Ramones' addresses the media after a rehearsal of the musical 'Gabba Gabba Hey !' in Berlin May 3, 2005. The musical, a love story includes 18 Ramones songs in the production and will be performed in Berlin from May 10 to 22.
Photo by Arnd Wiegmann
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Returns to La Scala
Riccardo Muti
Riccardo Muti, who resigned as music director of Milan's La Scala last month, made an emotional return to the opera house as a guest conductor, sparking calls for him to withdraw his resignation.
Monday night's concert, in which Muti led the Vienna Philharmonic, had been organized before he stepped down amid a labor dispute last month after 19 years at La Scala.
The 2,000 tickets for the concert sold out two months ago, organizers said.
Riccardo Muti
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Florida Ends Fight
'L.G.'
Florida dropped its fight on Tuesday to prevent a 13-year-old girl in state care from having an abortion in a case that marked the state's second recent foray into controversial personal rights issues.
Weeks after it unsuccessfully tried to intervene in the bitter dispute over the fate of a brain-damaged woman, Terri Schiavo, the state's Department of Children & Families said it would not appeal a ruling from a Palm Beach state court allowing the teenager to have an abortion.
"There will be no further appeals and we will respectfully comply with the court's decision," DCF District Manager Marilyn Munoz said in a written statement.
The child, identified in court only as L.G., is a ward of the state who became pregnant when she ran away from a state-licensed group home. Under Florida law, a 13-year-old cannot consent to sex, making her pregnancy the result of a statutory rape.
'L.G.'
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A 2,300-year old mummy is displayed after it was found by the Sakkara pyramids south of Cairo, May 3, 2005. Egyptian antiquities officials say the mummy is possibly the 'most beautiful' found so far. They believe more mummies may be found in the same area.
Photo by Aladin Abdel Naby
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Pa. Eatery's New Offering
15-Pound Burger
The burger war is growing. Literally. Denny's Beer Barrel Pub, which lost its crown as the home of the world's biggest burger earlier this year, is now offering a new burger that weighs a whopping 15 pounds.
Dubbed the Beer Barrel Belly Buster, the burger comes with 10.5 pounds of ground beef, 25 slices of cheese, a head of lettuce, three tomatoes, two onions, a cup-and-a-half each of mayonnaise, relish, ketchup, mustard and banana peppers - and a bun.
It costs $30.
"It can feed a family of 10," said Denny Liegey Sr., the restaurant's owner.
15-Pound Burger
Denny's Beer Barrel Pub
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Prime-Time Nielsen
Ratings
Prime-time viewership numbers compiled by Nielsen Media Research for April 25-May 1. Listings include the week's ranking, with viewership for the week and season-to-date rankings in parentheses. An "X" in parentheses denotes a one-time-only presentation.
1. (4) "Desperate Housewives," ABC, 25.7 million viewers.
2. (2) "American Idol" (Tuesday)," Fox, 25.5 million viewers.
3. (3) "American Idol" (Wednesday)," Fox, 24.4 million viewers.
4. (1) "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," CBS, 23.7 million viewers.
5. (5) "Survivor: Palau," CBS, 21.2 million viewers.
6. (9) "Grey's Anatomy," ABC, 17.9 million viewers.
7. (30) "House," Fox, 16.5 million viewers.
8. (20) "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," ABC, 16.4 million viewers.
9. (15) "Cold Case," CBS, 16.3 million viewers.
10. (11) "Everybody Loves Raymond," CBS, 15.8 million viewers.
11. (5) "CSI: Miami," CBS, 15.7 million viewers.
12. (34) "CBS Sunday Movie: Riding the Bus with my Sister," CBS, 15 million viewers.
13. (12) "Two And a Half Men," CBS, 14.9 million viewers.
14. (21) "CSI: NY," CBS, 14.8 million viewers.
15. (13) "ER," NBC, 14.5 million viewers.
16. (18) "Medium," NBC, 14.4 million viewers.
17. (47) "JAG," CBS, 14 million viewers.
18. (16) "Lost," ABC, 13.7 million viewers.
19. (24) "NCIS," CBS, 13.7 million viewers.
20. (31) "The Amazing Race: 7," CBS, 13.3 million viewers.
Ratings
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In Memory
Benny Bailey
Trumpeter Benny Bailey, who played with Dizzy Gillespie and Lionel Hampton before he became a fixture on the European jazz scene, has died in his home in Amsterdam, friends said Tuesday. He was 79.
Bailey, who lived alone, died April 14 of unknown causes, but the death was announced only on Friday by city officials. U.S. authorities located and notified his family Saturday in his hometown of Cleveland, Ohio, and in Europe, said Rene van Beeck, a Dutch jazz impresario.
The funeral, originally scheduled for Tuesday, was delayed until May 10 to allow family members to arrive, said Van Beeck.
Bailey was still active and touring frequently. "I had a gig scheduled with him in two weeks. He was playing the whole time," said Van Beeck, a bassist. "He was still in great condition. He was doing a lot of tours in Germany, Belgium, Sweden and Norway."
Born in Cleveland on Aug. 13, 1925, Ernest Harold Bailey played R&B after studying at the Cleveland Conservatory of Music, but found his niche in bop. He joined Gillespie in 1947, then played five years with the Lionel Hampton Orchestra.
He left Hampton during a European tour in 1953 and decided to stay, spending many years in Sweden with Harry Arnold's big band. His two daughters still live in Sweden, Van Beeck said.
In the late 1950s, he recorded with Stan Getz and Quincy Jones, returning briefly with Jones to America in 1960. He returned to Europe and worked mainly in radio and recording studios in Germany, the Netherlands and elsewhere. He toured with many bands, and in 1986 became a member of the Paris Reunion Band.
In 2000, he recorded The Satchmo Legacy, an album that Van Beeck said was among Bailey's finest work.
Benny Bailey
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One of seven recovered rough-toothed dolphins skims the Atlantic Ocean's surface after being released 14 nautical miles off the Florida Keys near Key Largo, Florida, May 3, 2005. The mammals were released after a two-month recovery at the Marine Mammal Conservancy in Key Largo following a March 2 stranding involving a total of 68 rough-toothed dolphins off Marathon in the middle Florida Keys.
Photo by Andy Newman
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