BartCop Entertainment Archives - Wednesday, 2 February, 2005

Fever Dream

It popped into my head for no reason, I Married Joan, What a Girl, What a Whirl, What a Life! One of the first TV shows I ever watched, off the air in 1955 so I must have been four years old, starring Jim Backus as the poor schmuck married to Joan Davis, and that is absolutely all I remember about it except for the theme song, which won't stop, who hit the infinity button?, again and again, I Married Joan, please cut it out, What a girl, O God won't you please stop, What a Whirl, get the fuck out of my head, What a Life, please kill me.

There can only be one explanation. I am dying of the flu and my life is passing before my eyes as an endless procession of TV theme songs in chronological order, thousands of them, from I Married Joan to Johnny Carson to the latest, Numb3rs, or is it Numbe7s, beats me, it's been years since a TV show had a good theme song. What's next? Romper Room? Did Romper Room have a theme song? I hope not. I'm waiting to move on to the theme from Bonanza or Gunsmoke or Chucko the Clown but no, the lord of chaos insists I haven't had enough of the theme from I Married Joan. I fill with loathing, the record is stuck as my temperature goes up, my mind trying any desperate measure to ignore my burning body, inventing American mantras, picking random bits of melody and turning them into an ugly groove, pay attention to anything other than the brutal aches and savage pains of the latest incarnation of the cruel virus that mutates every year into something even more treacherous than the year before, the reason I was supposed to get a shot, you know what I'm talking about, let's hear it for it, the rotten infestation we've grown to fear and abide, the flu, ladies and gentlemen, applause, applause, my excuse for not posting in weeks.

It started like a cold, just a scratchy throat, a little a-hem that suddenly, violently, decided to hit me with an imaginary truck with every cough, I Married, oh God oh God, Joan, please make it stop, What a girl, you can do it, what a whirl, find me a comfortable position, what a Life, burning up, don't let me cough again, never know where her brain has flown, any position, upgrade me to Abu Ghraib, Joan, save me, to each his own, what did I do to deserve this, can't deny that's why I married Joan.

I've hit the trifecta of misery. It doesn't matter that the satellite has been turned off, one day late on a bill that miraculously tripled the next day if I wanted it turned back on, those good old-fashioned heroin dealers at Dish. Makes no difference that the phone lines are down. I'm not talking to anybody. I don't give a fuck that my computer has crashed and I can't find my Windows reboot disk so all my e-mail is bouncing. I couldn't type if Angelina Jolie would blow me. I couldn't do anything but lie here and moan.

Suddenly, the fever train crashed into an errant thought parked on the tracks. Dozens of synapses were killed. No TV. No computer. No phone. Temperature in the hundreds. Alone in the Universe, both kids sick too, every couple hours one of us tears ourselves from the sweaty sheets to make three cups of Wellness tea with lemon and honey to share, then back to our private hells.

Days later it miraculously switched. I sub-consciously changed stations. As my body got better, as the fever receded into the distance, my inner turntable flipped from TV to Broadway.

Okay, let's get this over with, I'm fucking sick of the modern implication that listening to Broadway musicals is gay. Everyone jokes about it, from Simpsons to Family Guy. Want to imply that someone's gay? Mention they listen to Broadway musicals.

How did this happen? There's nothing wrong with being gay. Broadway choreographers, sure, Broadway chorus boys, why not, but the audience? Other than obviously gay themed shows like Cabaret or Rocky Horror, I can't imagine why anyone would think you were gay because you liked Little Shop of Horrors or South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, not to mention Candide or Sweeney Todd. Au contraire, meine damen und herren - mes dames et messieurs, my enjoyment of the song "He Had it Coming" from Chicago is dependent upon a feeling that is quite the opposite of gay.

And I admit, I started my career as a composer of musicals, the only one of which you may have heard of was The Beard by Michael McClure which enjoyed a brief run at the Company Theater in Los Angeles in the early '70s. It achieved a bit of notoriety, not because of my musical numbers, but because Billy the Kid gave head to Jean Harlow during the finale, which wasn't the norm at the time.

It's a new song, stuck in my head, Alone in the Universe, sung by an elephant in a failed Broadway musical based upon the books of Dr. Seuss, and if you think I'm gay because I like it, I guess that makes you gay if you download it, my gift to you, one of the great Broadway songs you'll never hear unless we agree it's not stealing if it's obscure. (Come and get me, RIAA, yada yada.)

The song prolongs the agony, maybe I can read, yes, the latest Hunter S. Thompson, Kingdom of Fear, overdue at the library, by the side of the bed, it's costing me a dime a day so I dive in and discover that Hunter agrees it's not stealing if it's obscure.

I recently reprinted a piece by Kerouac where he insisted upon spelling the word "your" as "yr." I almost corrected it the first time I saw it, then noticed he used it throughout the piece, it was stylistic, on purpose, so fuck me if I "corrected" it.

Might I mention that throughout Kingdom of Fear, the word "your" is spelled "yr," a blatant piece of stylistic thievery, Thompson wearing his Kerouac creds on his sleeve, but only for those who have read one of Kerouac's most obscure pieces, Belief and Technique for Modern Prose. Well if my hero can do it, so can I.

While reading Kingdom of Fear, I took notes on the words one must frequently use in order to emulate the doc. Are you ready? If you want people to compare you to Hunter S. Thompson, all you have to do is use these five words: savage, brutal, ugly, treacherous, and cruel (other than the obvious two, fear and loathing). I used all seven of them in the paragraph above to describe the flu, you know, the paragraph where you were thinking to yourself, damn, this Dare guy writes just like Hunter S. Thompson. It ain't theft if it's obscure or you admit it. I'd say I did it "by the will of the demon spirit charged with the ugliness of America" if I wanted you to think I wrote like Saul Bellow, but I don't.

It doesn't go away, the sickness, it lingers like a metaphor that's burnt off the final layer of Teflon from the only frying pan that eggs don't stick to.

The phone lines got fixed. I got a Windows disk. It didn't work. I got another Windows disk. It worked. My computer is on but where is Angelina Jolie? I missed the re-coronation. I missed everything. It took two weeks to get un-discombobulated, disease a distant memory, but other than that, I can't tell if I'm better or worse. Can't write about news. I missed the news. All I can write about is discombobulation.

"Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube."

- Hunter S. Thompson: Kingdom of Fear -

Maps of the Week

Help, I Can't Get an Election

"The January 30 elections in Iraq have nothing to do with democracy. To claim a free election can take place in Iraq is no different to asserting that the French, Yugoslav or Greek people could have elected a representative government in 1942 while living under the jackboot of Nazi rule.

"Over the past two years, Iraq has been subjected to invasion and a military occupation that has plunged the country into a social and political catastrophe. The Bush administration has brought the Iraqi people 50 to 70 percent unemployment, food and fuel shortages, a breakdown in essential services such as electricity, a collapse in basic law-and-order and dictatorial forms of rule little changed from those of the Baathist regime."

- James Cogan: The Iraq election: a travesty of democracy -

"For the only time in memory, electoral candidates are afraid to be seen in public and are forced to campaign from underground cells, with many afraid to even link their names to their faces in the media. There are no public rallies where voters might glean some information about candidates' positions. As one voter told CNN, he would prefer to vote for George Michael, since he knows more about the singer than about any of the candidates running for office.

- Salim Lone: Iraq: This election is a sham -

"Iraqis danced and clapped with joy Sunday as they voted in their country's first free election in a half-century" (mysteriously changed to "civilians and policemen danced with joy outside one site" an hour later.)

- Mariam Fam: AP reporter quoted everywhere, making her the Underappreciated Hack of the Week -

"I say 'elections' because the Higher Commission for Elections announced that it won't be releasing the names of the candidates prior to the 'elections.' With 4 of Iraq's 18 governorates unable to participate in them, an estimated 90 percent of the Sunni population not voting, a sizable amount of the Shiites boycotting, and a very large percentage of Iraqis unwilling to vote because of the horrendous security situation, calling them elections seems a bit of a stretch."

- Dahr Jamail: Destroying Babylon - Forget the elections Iraq is falling apart -

"'Yesterday a bicycle bomb killed someone near my house,' said 32-year-old Ahmed Mohammed. 'I never intended to vote in this illegitimate election anyway, but if I had wanted to I would never go out in these conditions.'

"With draconian security measures in place, even some ambulances rushing to victims of bomb attacks were turned back at security checkpoints.

"'Baghdad looks like it's having a war, not elections,' said Layla Abdul Rahman, a high school English teacher. 'Our streets are filled with tanks and soldiers and our bridges are closed. All we are hearing is bombings all around us, and for the last two nights there have been many clashes that last a long time. We shouldn't have had elections now because it's just not practical with this horrible security...'

- Dahr Jamail: Hollow Election Held on Bloody Day -

"After a day which left 50 people dead in Iraq, both civilians and soldiers, the death toll was hailed as a figure that was lower than expected. Thus acceptable, by Bush Administration/corporate media standards. After all, only of them was an American, the rest were Iraqis civilians and British soldiers.

"The gamble of using the polling day in Iraq to justify the ongoing failed occupation of Iraq has apparently paid off, if you watch only mainstream media.

"Higher than expected turnout, US mainstream television media blared, some citing a figure of 72%, others 60%.

"What they didn't tell you was that this figure was provided by Farid Ayar, the spokesman for the Independent Electoral Commission for Iraq (IECI) before the polls had even closed.

"When asked about the accuracy of the estimate of voter turnout during a press conference, Ayar backtracked on his earlier figure, saying that a closer estimate was lower than his initial estimate and would be more like 60% of registered voters.

"The IECI spokesman said his previous figure of 72% was only guessing and was just an estimate, which was based on very rough, word-of mouth estimates gathered informally from the field. It will take some time for the IECI to issue accurate figures on turnout.

"Referencing both figures, Ayar then added, Percentages and numbers come only after counting and will be announced when it's over ... It's too soon to say that those were the official numbers.

"But this isn't the most important misrepresentation the mainstream media committed.

"What they also didn't tell you was that of those who voted, whether they be 35% or even 60% of registered voters, were not voting in support of an ongoing US occupation of their country.

"In fact, they were voting for precisely the opposite reason. Every Iraqi I have spoken with who voted explained that they believe the National Assembly which will be formed soon will signal an end to the occupation.

"And they expect the call for a withdrawing of foreign forces in their country to come sooner rather than later. This causes one to view the footage of cheering, jubilant Iraqis in a different light now, doesn't it?"

- Dahr Jamail: What They're Not Telling You About the "Election" -

"American democracy has the same relationship to democracy as American cheese has to cheese. You may consider yourself lucky if the product has as much as 2% actual democracy."

- Xarvon: alien investigator -

Heartwarming Tale of Democracy in Action

"[A]n Iraqi policeman in a black ski mask tucked his assault rifle under one arm and took the hand of an elderly blind woman, guiding her to the polls."

- Mariam Fam: still the Hack of the Week -

Today in History

Today is the day in 1933 that Adolph Hitler caused an uproar by showing up at a costume party dressed like King Edward V of England. The Berlin Times described his actions as "in extremely bad taste," and the Nazi party issued a "full and public apology," claiming "it was an unfortunate choice. He was just trying to be funny."

"The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race."
- Don Marquis -

"If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and no-one dares criticize it."
- Pierre Gallois -

"I would rather fail in a cause that will ultimately triumph than to triumph in a cause that will ultimately fail."

- Woodrow Wilson -

"Not long ago one sniper in a Falluja building pinned down 150 Marines for a day. The Marines called in two air strikes, 35 rounds of 155mm artillery and pumped hundreds of rockets and 30,000 rounds of automatic fire from helicopters and ground troops into the small building. A short time later the sniper killed another Marine. The think they may have gotten that guy, now we only have a billion more to go."

- Rack Jite -

"The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and cooperation. It will preserve and defend those basic principles on which our nation has been built. It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality, and the family as the basis of national life."

- Adolph Hitler: February 1, 1933 -

"Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive?"

- Albert Brooks as Aaron Altman in Broadcast News -

"In 1971 Richard Nixon wanted to crush the peace movement in America. His aid Charles Colson brought to his attention a young anti-war upstart by the name of John Kerry. Colson told Nixon he this guy was the most credible voice in the movement and had to be compromised. The two hand picked a recent Vietnam Veteran named John O'Neil to confront the young war hero on the Dick Cavett show. Nixon picked someone even more unfavorable to television cameras than he was. Mr. O'Neil came off as an obtuse skinny little Nixon Wonk who spent most of the hour fumbling through his notes, stammering, whining and being made a complete fool of. He never forgot. Last year he organized and funded the Swiftboat Vets in the most ubiquitous and dishonest character assassination in American election history. This pussbag went so far over the line that as election day closed in he ran ads of grey haired old widows looking into the camera telling point blank lies and blaming Senator Kerry for their husbands deaths. Like Arkansas lawyer Cliff Jackson who spent his life trying to destroy Bill Clinton resulting in an impeachment, O'Neil's life long vendetta may have been the straw that broke Kerry's back. He also made millions on a book rushed out by Right-wing publisher Regnery Publishing."

- Shithead of 2004 - Winner: John O'Neil: The American Shithead Awards -

"For getting a full grasp, for perceiving real significance when significance is at hand, we shall need minds at work from all sorts of brains outside the fields of science, most of all the brains of poets, of course, but also those of artists, musicians, philosophers, historians, writers in general."

- Lewis Thomas -

"An influential congressional committee has dropped a political bombshell by suggesting that a tax originally created to pay for the Spanish American War could be extended to all Internet and data connections this year."

- Declan McCullagh: Congress proposes tax on all Net, data connections -

"Overweight individuals sit around more than those who are lean."

- duh! -

"There are no exact directions. There are probably no directions at all. The only things that I am able to recommend at this moment are a sense of humour; an ability to see the ridiculous and the absurd dimensions of things; an ability to laugh about others as well as about ourselves; a sense of irony and of everything that invites parody in this world. In other words, rising above things, or looking at them from a distance; sensibility to the hidden presence of all the more dangerous types of conceit in others, as well as in ourselves; good cheer; an unostentatious certainty of the meaning of things; gratitude for the gift of life and courage to assume responsibility for it; and a vigilant mind."

- Vaclav Havel upon receiving the 1999 Open Society Prize -

"Sadly though, in striking down Terri's Law, the United States Supreme Court has doomed this noble vegetable, this Terri Schiavo, stripping her of her Bush-given right to serve as a right-wing ideological zombie pawn by indefinitely wallowing in her own filth. But more troubling still, it has created unacceptable confusion around the entire issue of killing retards and vegetables and that I cannot abide."

- President's statement lamenting the Supreme Court's inability to make up it's cotton-picking mind about whether it's okay to kill retards and vegetables -

"Writers don't have fans. We just have people who want our job."

- Devin Grayson -

"I wept not, so to stone within I grew."

- Dante Alighieri: The Divine Comedy -

"It opens the lungs, washes the countenance, exercises the eyes, and softens down the temper; so cry away."

- Charles Dickens -

"He who, for the sake of learning, lowers himself by exposing his ignorance, will ultimately be elevated."

- Ben Azzai, Talmud: Berakot, 63b -

"If Bush takes the oath of office with his hand on a Bible and is not struck by lightning, that's proof there is no God."

- Maha -

"Killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."

- Albert Einstein -

"Let us be thankful in the coming year, that we Republicans now control the White House, Senate, and House of Representatives, along with the Supreme Court. However, we must not be satisfied. We must find new ways to blame the Democrats for decisions we have made. We must spin harder, and use our tight grip on the cods of the media to squeeze until they completely submit to our will! It's time that the Real Patriots, those who love America, took control! That my friends, is a recipe for a Happy New Year!"

- Raymond P. Clodstill: Republican Resolutions For A New Year -

"So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? The more women achieve, the less desirable they are? Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to - unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to."

- Maureen Dowd: The facts of life: men just want Mommy -

"I haven't dated in 12 million years. I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."

- Carrie Fisher -

"Quagmire is the new sexy."

- Pundits for a Buck -

"45. John McCain:

"Crimes: Survived years of torture in Vietnam only to become a bend over buddy for a sheltered rich dunce. McCain could have bolstered his largely unearned air of credibility this year had he stood against Bush, but instead chose to show us all that no principle is too fundamental to humanity to be overlooked in the name of party loyalty. We can only hope that they've got something on him, something big.

"Smoking Gun: Returned to criticizing Bush as soon as it didn't matter anymore.

"Punishment: Vice President under Rumsfeld."

- The Beast: 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2004 -

"Every time you think, you weaken the nation."

- Moe to Curly in Half Shot Shooters -

Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact the Freemasons - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Skull and Bones - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact the Carlyle Group - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact the Illuminati - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Satan - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact both houses of Congress - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact the Supreme Court - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Dick Cheney - vice.president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Halliburton - vice.president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Bechtel - vice.president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Saddam Hussein - vice.president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Osama bin Laden - thetwins@whitehouse.gov

Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com

Contact Fidel Castro - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Kim Jong Il - eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int
Contact the Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact God - president@whitehouse.gov

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Acknowledgment

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.

Thanks,

Justin quiring

http://www.disinfotainmenttoday.com

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'TBH Politoons'

Thanks, again, Tim!

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But Untrue

Strangely Believable

Yesterday's Fact: 2/1/05

A recent FOIA filing by the National Enquirer failed to produce a valid birth certificate for President George W. Bush.

~Jeff Crook

Jeff Crook is the Ceci Connolly of the Left. ~ J. Howard Tuft

Strangely Believable but Untrue is now available online at the Untrue Fact of the Day web calendar. Help spread disinformation and misunderstanding by sharing this with your friends and enemies.

http://jeffcrook.20m.com/

A casual stroll through a mental asylum shows that faith proves nothing. --- Friedrich Nietzche

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FALLING, IN ITSELF,

IS AN ACT OF LETTING GO

CASCADING KARMA

Zen Man
(in the FLOW)

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from Bruce

James Roosevelt Jr.: Don't use FDR to undermine Social Security (Boston Globe)

Paul Krugman: Many Unhappy Returns
(Click on "Columns," then on "Many Unhappy Returns.")

Jen Schomburg Kanke: Her commitment to LGBT causes traces back to a favorite uncle who died tragically (The Athens News)

David Bruce: Wise Up: Music (The Athens News)

Jim Emerson: 'Million Dollar Baby': Asking some hard questions (RogerEbert.com) -- Spoiler Alert

ROGER EBERT: Critics have no right to play spoiler

The Power of Nightmares: Video

An Archive of Classic Poetry

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Official Beer of Groundhog Day

Groundhog Brew

The official beer of Groundhog Day 2005 in Punxsutawney PA

Straub Beer St. Marys PA - All Natural Beer

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Reader Suggestion

SOTUs Past

Hey Marty-

This site breaks down the previous State of The Union addresses quite nicely - American Progress Takes a Look Back at Bush's 2002, 2003 and 2004 speeches

pResident Bush's State of the Union Addresses

Thanks, claudia!

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Selected Readings

from that Mad Cat, JD

BIRD BRAINS

OSAMA YO MAMA

THE HAUNTING

IT PAYS TO POLLUTE

VOTE OR DIE

"DEATH HAS A TENDENCY TO ENCOURAGE A DEPRESSING VIEW OF WAR"

THE NO BRAIN ZONE

IT'S MILLER TIME

THE TURTLE GETS DIARRHEA OF THE MOUTH

ANOTHER REPUG MEDIA WHORE

THE COST OF THE INAUGURATION

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In The Chaos Household

Last Night

Sunny & pleasant.

My voice sounds like I'm channeling Andy Devine.

Tonight, Wedneday:

CBS on the East Coast has '60 Minutes', then the cheerleader-in-chief.
On the left coast, the evening starts early for the prevarication festival, followed by '60 Minutes', then 2 hours of local crap.
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Patricia Heaton, John Witherspoon, and the Gibson/Baldwin Grammy Jazz Ensembles.
Scheduled on a FRESH Craig Stan Lee and Emma 'Baby Spice' Bunton.

NBC on the East coast has a FRESH 'Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Search', followed by 2 hours of compassionate conservatism.
On the left coast, the night starts early with the national blow job, followed by the FRESH 'Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Search', then 2 hours of local crap.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jay Leno are Cate Blanchett, Jon Heder, and Ashanti.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan are Donald Trump and Mekhi Phifer.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Michael Rosenbaum, Jim Gaffigan, and Duran Duran.

ABC on the East Coast has a RERUN 'Lost', followed by Halliburton's handmaid's speechifying.
On the left coast, the night starts early with the bloviating chimp, followed by a RERUN 'Lost', an hour of local crap, and then a RERUN 'Wife Swap'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Will Arnett and the Features.

The WB offers a FRESH 'Smallville', followed by a FRESH 'Jack & Bobby'.

Faux has a FRESH 'American Idol', followed by a RERUN 'Malcolm', then a RERUN 'Simpsons'.

UPN has a FRESH 'The Road To Stardom With Missy Elliott', followed by a RERUN 'Kevin Hill'.

A&E has 'American Justice', another 'American Justice', 'San Francisco Vice', and the made-for-cable movie 'See Arnold Run'.

AMC offers the movie 'Death Wish 3', followed by the movie 'Easy Rider', then the movie 'Joe Kidd'.

BBC -
[2pm]    'As Time Goes By' - Episode 5;
[2:40pm]    'Are You Being Served?' - A Bliss Girl;
[3:20pm]    'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 7;
[4pm]    'The Saint' - Legacy For the Saint;
[5pm]    'The Weakest Link' - Episode 2;
[6pm]    'BBC World News';
[6:30pm]    'Cash in the Attic' - May;
[7pm]    'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 22;
[7:30pm]    'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 24;
[8pm]    'My Family' - Imperfect Strangers;
[8:40pm]    'Worst Week of My Life' - Episode 5;
[9:20pm]    'Coupling' - Faithless;
[10pm]    'Kumars at No. 42' - Boy George;
[10:40pm]    'Goodness Gracious Me' - Episode 5;
[11pm]    'My Family' - Imperfect Strangers;
[12:20am]    'Coupling' - Faithless;
[1am]    'Kumars at No. 42' - Boy George;
[1:40am]    'Goodness Gracious Me' - Episode 5;
[2am]    'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 22;
[2:30am]    'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 24;
[3am]    'My Family' - Imperfect Strangers;
[3:40am]    'Worst Week of My Life' - Episode 5;
[4:20am]    'Coupling' - Faithless;
[5am]    'Kumars at No. 42' - Boy George;
[5:40am]    'Goodness Gracious Me' - Episode 5;
[6am]    'BBC World News'.    (ALL TIMES EST)

Bravo has 'West Wing', 'Project Runway', another 'Project Runway', and 'Queer Eye - Girl'.

Comedy Central has 'MAD TV', 'Reno 911!', followed by a FRESH 'Crank Yankers', 'South Park', another 'South Park', and 'Drawn Together'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jon Stewart is Anderson Cooper.

History has 'Modern Marvels', another 'Modern Marvels', followed by a FRESH 'Full Throttle', and yet another 'Modern Marvels'.

IFC -
[6AM]    'Blood Simple' (1984);
[7:45AM]    Short: 'Beancake' (2000);
[8AM]    'Johnny Stecchino' (1991);
[9:45AM]    'IFC In Theaters' (2004);
[10AM]    'A Chef In Love' (1997);
[11:45AM]    'Mr. Jealousy' (1997);
[1:30PM]    'IFC Short Film Collection I' (2003);
[3:30PM]    'Ulee's Gold' (1997);
[5:30PM]    'A Chef In Love' (1997);
[7:15PM]    'Mr. Jealousy' (1997);
[9PM]    'The Limey' (1999);
[10:30PM]    'Independent Spirit Awards Nomination Show' (2004);
[11PM]    'Telling Lies In America' (1997);
[12:45AM]    'The Limey' (1999);
[2:15AM]    'Chuck & Buck' (2000);
[4AM]    'Telling Lies In America' (1997);
[5:45AM]    'IFC In Theaters' (2004).    (ALL TIMES EST)

SciFi has 'Beyond Belief: Fact Or Fiction?', 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not', another 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not', and 'Ghost Hunters'.

Sundance -
[6:05AM] 'The Last Just Man' (Documentary);
[7:25AM] 'Wings Of Desire' (Feature);
[9:35AM] 'The Swell Life' (Documentary);
[10AM] 'Anatomy of a Scene: The Door in the Floor' (Original Production);
[10:30AM] 'Keepintime: A Live Recording' (Documentary);
[11:20AM] 'Frank Film' (Feature);
[11:30AM] 'Bartleby' (Feature);
[1PM] 'Shorts Program 102' (Short);
[2PM] 'Cul de Sac: A Suburban War Story' (Documentary);
[3PM] 'Wings Of Desire' (Feature);
[5:15PM] 'Diamonds and Rust' (Documentary);
[6:30PM] 'Tyler Brule: My Life' (Documentary);
[7:30PM] 'Bartleby' (Feature);
[9PM] 'The Battle Of Algiers' (Feature);
[11:05PM] 'Hope And Glory' (Feature);
[1AM] 'The Crying Game' (Feature);
[2:55AM] 'The Gift' (Documentary);
[4AM] 'The Battle Of Algiers' (Feature).    (ALL TIMES EST)

TCM:
[6am]    'Love Affair' (1939);
[7:30am]    'Key Largo' (1948);
[9:15am]    'Jezebel' (1938);
[11am]    'The Spiral Staircase' (1945);
[12:30pm]    'Since You Went Away' (1944);
[3:30pm]    'Stella Dallas' (1937);
[5:30pm]    'I Remember Mama' (1948);
[8pm]    'Imitation Of Life' (1959);
[10:15pm]    'Parenthood' (1989);
[12:30am]    'Absence of Malice' (1981);
[2:30am]    'L.A. Confidential' (1997);
[5am]    'Dragon Seed' (1944).    (ALL TIMES EST)

Thursday - 02/03

TCM:
[7:30am]    'All This, And Heaven Too' (1940);
[10am]    'These Three' (1936);
[11:45am]    'Singin' In The Rain' (1952);
[1:30pm]    'The Little Foxes' (1941);
[3:30pm]    'The Paradine Case' (1947);
[5:30pm]    'Duel In The Sun' (1946);
[8pm]    'Hondo' (1953);
[9:30pm]    'Sergeant York' (1941);
[12am]    'Nixon' (1995);
[3:15am]    'The Great Lie' (1941);
[5:15am]    'Four Daughters' (1938).    (ALL TIMES EST)

Any opinions?

Or reviews?

(See below for addresses)

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U.S. actor Dustin Hoffman kisses a statue during a photo call in Berlin on Tuesday, Feb. 1, 2005. Hoffman is in Berlin to promote his new film 'Meet the Fockers' starting later the week in German cinemas.
Photo by Jan Bauer

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Moose & Squirrel - The Blog

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Attending State of Union

Dana Reeve

Christopher Reeve's widow, Dana Reeve, is going to resident Bush's State of the Union address in hopes of hearing him propose additional support for medical research.

Reeve, who is attending Wednesday night as the guest of Rep. James Langevin, D-R.I., has been a vocal advocate of embryonic stem cell research. And Langevin said Tuesday that, "it is my hope that having Dana present at the State of the Union will help refocus the nation's attention and the president's attention on stem cell research and the need for more funding."

Langevin has been confined to a wheelchair since he was accidentally shot at age 16.

Dana Reeve

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Don't Hate Mary Cheney

21 Stations - So Far

Several PBS stations will air an episode of the children's show "Postcards From Buster" despite the network's decision not to distribute it nationwide because two lesbian couples were depicted in it.

So far, 21 stations have said they will air it and another six have indicated they probably will, Jeanne Hopkins, spokeswoman for Boston's WGBH-TV, said Tuesday. The station produced the series.

PBS said last week it would not distribute the episode to its 349 stations around the country. The show features an animated character, Buster, visiting farms in Vermont where maple sugar is produced, and includes two lesbian couples that work on the farms.

The decision came after newly appointed Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings complained about public money being used to promote alternative lifestyles. PBS gets funding for the series through the federal Ready-To-Learn program, aimed at helping young people learn through television.

21 Stations - So Far

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Anna Kournikova, right, talks with her doubles partner Dr. Phil McGraw before their exhibition match during the Serving for Tsunami Relief charity event to help raise money for the Bush-Clinton Relief Fund on Monday, Jan. 31, 2005, in Houston. The charity event to help raise money for the victims of last month's tsunami also included Jim Courier, Chris Evert, John McEnroe and Andy Roddick.
Photo by David J. Phillip

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Thousands Gather in Ethiopia For Tribute

Bob Marley

Thousands of Bob Marley fans and Rastafarians gathered in the Ethiopian capital Addis Ababa on Tuesday for the start of weeks of festivities to mark the 60th anniversary of the reggae icon's birthday.

Organizers say up to 300,000 people are expected to converge on the city's Meskal square on Sunday for a birthday tribute to Marley, known for anthems such as "No Woman No Cry" and "Get Up Stand Up."

The musical extravaganza will feature artists including reggae rapper Shaggy, Benin's Angelique Kidjo and soul singer India.Arie as well as members of the Marley family.

Bob Marley

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Can't Refuse Video Game Offer

James Caan & Robert Duvall

James Caan and Robert Duvall have joined the late Marlon Brando in providing voice acting and likenesses for Electronic Arts' "The Godfather" video game.

Caan and Duvall, who reprise their respective roles as Sonny Corleone and consigliere Tom Hagen from the film, also were involved in the development of the game and are scheduled to attend its premiere unveiling of the game in New York's Little Italy on Feb. 10.

The video game, which draws inspiration from both Mario Puzo's book and Francis Ford Coppola's 1972 movie, is scheduled for release in the fall.

James Caan & Robert Duvall

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Take On US Super Heroes

Manga Comics

The Incredible Hulk and Spider-Man are confronting new rivals in the US comic book world, as young Americans are devouring Japan's "manga" comics depicting wandering samurais and cheeky Tokyo schoolchildren.

Manga, literally "random sketches" is the term for the genre of narrative comic strips, often series, read by millions of Japanese. Thousands of new titles on themes ranging from samurai, golf, yakuza gangsters, fantasy superheroes, sex and social satire are published each year.

The best-selling manga in 2004 was "Rurouni Kenshin," which depicts the religious and war rituals of 19th century samurais.

American girls have helped make mangas successful in this country, representing between 50 to 60 percent of the readership.

Manga Comics

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In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

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'Tonight' Guest Books Auctioned

Johnny Carson

Guest books signed by Johnny Carson's famous visitors to "The Tonight Show" and rescued from the trash in the 1960s may turn into treasure for their owner.

The three books, containing signatures of Groucho Marx, Paul Newman, William Saroyan, Arnold Palmer and other celebrities, are being auctioned online by Steve North, whose father, Jules, worked for NBC's "Tonight" show.

From 1963-65, the books contain more than 400 signatures and notes and drawings some visitors made for Carson, North said. The book-signing tradition fell off in the third season.

The eBay auction, which had drawn 28 bids as of midday Tuesday, ends 8 p.m. EST Sunday, North said.

Johnny Carson

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Documentary filmmaker who calls himself Salam Pax is seen in this undated image released by Rotterdam Film Festival, Tuesday, Feb. 1, 2005. 'Baghdad Blogger/Salam Pax - Video Reports from Iraq,' was directed by Iraqi web log author Pax whose witty descriptions of life in Baghdad during the U.S. invasion were read by hundreds of thousands of Internet users. For the movie, Pax crisscrossed his country to capture its rapidly changing landscape with a hand-held digital video camera.

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Missing Guitar Found on EBay

Peter Yarrow

A handmade Larrivee acoustic guitar owned by Peter Yarrow disappeared on a flight from Washington to Fort Lauderdale in December 2000. It looked like it was gone for good until something like it surfaced on an eBay auction.

Browsers recognized the six-string guitar and notified eBay and Yarrow. The online auction company canceled the auction and e-mailed law enforcement. Within an hour Monday, FBI spokeswoman Judy Orijuela said agents found the guitar in the Miami suburb of Sunny Isles Beach.

The guitar, made in 1973, was in a case bearing Yarrow's name when it disappeared. A $500 reward for its recovery went unclaimed all this time. Larrivee's custom guitars sell for $10,000 and up.

At his request, no criminal charges will be filed. The man auctioning the guitar told agents that he was "doing a favor for a friend of a friend of a friend" and gave the names of everyone involved, Orijuela said.

Peter Yarrow

Thanks, Ed!

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pissed
(formerly 'The Vidiot')

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Sues Over 'Yogasms' in Ad

Yogi Berra

Former New York Yankee great Yogi Berra, whose comments can confound a listener, is speaking very clearly these days -- he says a cable network showing "Sex and the City" reruns is damaging his reputation and he wants $10 million.

Famed for such sayings as "When you come to a fork in the road, take it" and "Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded," Berra is not known for matinee-idol good looks or sex appeal.

So he says his rights are being violated and he is being held up to ridicule by the Turner Broadcasting System, which is using his name in outdoor ads without his permission to promote reruns of HBO hit "Sex and the City."

At issue are "'Yogasms." The ads ask for a definition of a "Yogasm" with the following possible answers: a) a type of yo-yo trick, b) sex with Yogi Berra and c) what Samantha (a character on the program) has with a guy from yoga class."

Yogi Berra

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A statue of pharaoh made of chocolate with a 0.1-carat diamond on its left nipple is displayed by a confectionery company for upcoming Valentine's Day at Hyundai Department Store in Seoul, Tuesday, Feb. 1, 2005. It goes on sale with the price of one million won (US$990).
Photo by Lee Jin-man

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Pleads Not Guilty

Lynn Anderson

Lynn Anderson has been accused of shoplifting a "Harry Potter" DVD from a Taos supermarket and punching a police officer.

Anderson's lawyer entered pleas of not guilty on behalf of the 57-year-old country singer to charges of battery on a police officer, resisting a police officer and shoplifting.

According to a statement filed by Taos police officer Virgil Vigil, Anderson asked him, "Do you know who I am?" when refusing to sign a citation after supermarket employees had accused her of taking the DVD.

Lynn Anderson

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A group of school children observe an untitled work made of pure intense ultramarine pigment, part of the exhibition of French artist Yves 'Monochrome' Klein, at the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, northern Spain, February 1, 2005. The exhibition, a retrospective of the brief but intense career of the influential French artist, began Tuesday and runs until May 2nd.
Photo by Vincent West

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Arrested for DUI

Lex Luger

Wrestling star Lex Luger has been arrested for DUI and other charges. The wrestler - whose real name is Lawrence Pfohl - was seen by a Cobb County police officer stopped on the side of Interstate 575 on Monday morning.

Pfohl was arrested and charged with DUI, driving on an expired tag, alteration of tag, no proof of insurance and open container, Ebbeskotte said.

Pfohl's girlfriend, wrestling icon "Miss Elizabeth" Hulette, died at the home they shared in April 2003 from an overdose of pills and alcohol. Pfohl was arrested then on drug charges.

Lex Luger

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El Paso, Texas

Mystery Rocks

Wrapped in plastic bubble sheets and kept out of harm's way, plain-looking gray rocks continue to perplex Stanton James, a Northeast man who came across them more than three years ago.

Once the lights are out, the muffin-shaped rocks can show what makes them special. A flashlight held up to one end will make the rocks light up like small lamps. A black light reveals spots on them that glow green and then fade slowly after the light is turned off.

He approached professors at the University of Texas at El Paso last spring to get their opinions on his specimens. They ran a test that determined the rocks were made of silica.

James bought the rocks for $5 about about three years ago from a man in Chaparral, N.M., but James doesn't know where the man got them, nor does he know where the man lives. He said that at this point he is fairly sure the rocks are not organic in origin.

Mystery Rocks

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Former model Russell Christoff, center, is shown with his attorneys Eric Stockel, left, and Colin Claxon, right, with a sampling of Taster's Choice packages using a photo of Christoff at a news conference in San Francisco on Tuesday, Feb. 1, 2005. A jury has awarded $15.6 million to Christoff, whose image was used for years without his permission on Taster's Choice coffee labels. Christoff, a former model from Northern California, posed for a two-hour Nestle photo shoot in 1986 but figured it was a bust until he stumbled across his likeness on a coffee jar while shopping at a drug store in 2002.
Photo by Jeff Chiu

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Sued by Woman Who Claims Assault

Snoop Dogg

An Emmy-winning makeup artist has sued rapper Snoop Dogg, the ABC network and its "Jimmy Kimmel Live" show for $25 million, claiming she was drugged and raped backstage at the show by the hip-hop star and his associates.

The legal complaint came about two months after the rapper, born Calvin Broadus, brought his own preemptive suit claiming he was the victim of an extortion plot by the woman, Kylie Bell, and her lawyer, although Broadus did not then refer to her by name.

Bell's suit, filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Friday and made public this week on www.thesmokinggun.com, said she was sexually assaulted on Jan. 31, 2003, in the rap star's dressing room after Broadus finished taping a segment of Kimmel's show as his guest co-host.

Kimmel was not named as a defendant in the suit. But his show was named, along with ABC, corporate parent the Walt Disney Co., and an ABC investment subsidiary that according to the suit began paying Bell's expenses after she initially came forward with her complaint in May 2003.

Snoop Dogg

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Tiny Pest Decimating Colonies

Honeybees

A tiny pest is decimating honeybee colonies across the country, worrying beekeepers and farmers who depend on the insects to pollinate their crops.

Pollinating almond orchards is the immediate worry in California's agriculture industry, but the mites' devastation of the honeybee supply is causing concern across the country. Honeybees pollinate about one-third of the human diet and dozens of agricultural crops.

California produces 80 percent of the world's almond supply. A $1 billion-a-year crop, the nuts have become the state's top agricultural export, ahead of wine and cotton.

Because almonds are the first crop to flower, the state's growers are the first to suffer from the bee shortage. Bees are used to pollinate the orchards from mid-February to early March.

Honeybees

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Swans swim and feed with bread left by people, in a lake with water clear of ice, near the village of Zhdanovichi on the outskirts of Minsk, February 1, 2005. Severe winter conditions have created problems for swans to find open water to swim in Belarus.
Photo by Vasily Fedosenko

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PersephonePlus

Custom Kaleidoscopes by Ed the "BearMan"

Media Matters

Take Back The Media!

Blah 3

The Slab

What Really Happened

The Iraq Page

Today In Iraq

I'm Not Sorry

Freeway Blogger

Unpopular Ideas

2 Dudes

The Sideshow - by Avedon Carol

skippy the bush kangaroo

TrimmedBush

Nick's Blog

Tim Beasley's Celebrity Stars

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Who served?

The Chickenhawk Database

Congressional Members with Military Service

Who Died and Made You President? :: The Bean Magazine

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100 Most Banned Books

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Avery Ant and his One Minute Rant - Click Here!

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Welcome !

You have reached the Home page of BartCop Entertainment.
Make yourself home, take your shoes off...
Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.

The idea is to have fun.

Do you have something to say?
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better, amused or entertained?

Do you have a great album no one's heard?
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?
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BartCop Entertainment Archives - Wednesday, 2 February, 2005

Wednesday

2 February, 2005

(Updated Daily)

Issue #137

Disinfotainment Today

'TBH Politoons'

But Untrue

Strangely Believable

FALLING, IN ITSELF,

IS AN ACT OF LETTING GO

CASCADING KARMA

Recommended Reading

from Bruce

Official Beer of Groundhog Day

Groundhog Brew

Reader Suggestion

SOTUs Past

Selected Readings

from that Mad Cat, JD

In The Chaos Household

Last Night

Tonight, Wedneday:

Thursday - 02/03

Attending State of Union

Dana Reeve

Don't Hate Mary Cheney

21 Stations - So Far

Thousands Gather in Ethiopia For Tribute

Bob Marley

Can't Refuse Video Game Offer

James Caan & Robert Duvall

Take On US Super Heroes

Manga Comics

'Tonight' Guest Books Auctioned

Johnny Carson

Missing Guitar Found on EBay

Peter Yarrow

pissed(formerly 'The Vidiot')

Sues Over 'Yogasms' in Ad

Yogi Berra

Pleads Not Guilty

Lynn Anderson

Arrested for DUI

Lex Luger

El Paso, Texas

Mystery Rocks

Sued by Woman Who Claims Assault

Snoop Dogg

Tiny Pest Decimating Colonies

Honeybees

Welcome !

pissed
(formerly 'The Vidiot')