BartCop Entertainment Archives - Wednesday, 5 January, 2005

Wednesday

5 January, 2005

big hammer - bigger hammer

(Updated Daily)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Issue #135

Disinfotainment Today

 By Michael Dare



Issue #135
is brought to you by
976-WAKE

 
Stupid Answers of the Week
 
In the interest of turning the tables, last week I said "Ask me absolutely any question and I will answer it."

Any question?
Mark D. Bass

Except that one.
MD
 
What are the exact statistics of America's biological (including gases) and nuclear weapon arsenals, and how do we get rid of them?
Wal

    America's biological and nuclear weapons arsenals are precisely 100% larger than they need to be. We get rid of them on global satellite TV, The Disarmament Channel, where 24/7, any country, or even individual, can verify the destruction of a weapon by simply donating it to The Disarmament Channel who will destroy it in front of the world.
    "Today on The Disarmament Channel, 200 tons of sarin gas from the US will be disintegrated by a mini-nuke donated by China, followed by fireworks."
    "That's right, Katie, but first, a group of Tutsis from Rwanda will be throwing 10,000 Hutu machetes into a live volcano in Oahu, followed by two hours of blowing up skeet shooters in Texas with bazookas."
MD

how do clams reproduce?  i've always wanted to know.
DBurke11

    Thank you Burke, I happen to know this, but first you should be aware that one of the recessive genes common to the clam is the inability to capitalize the first letter of sentences. 
    The male clam shows his penis to the female clam with as little movement as possible. Any sort of movement on the part of the male clam is considered a turnoff to female clams, which is why most male clams just sit there. The female clam runs her beard over the male clam's penis until he ejaculates. The female gobbles up the sperm and swishes them around inside with hundreds of eggs of which half get fertilized. She spits them out and they float away to get eaten by tuna (which is why tuna has that fishy taste), unless they find perch in a rock, and the whole miraculous cycle of birth and death and comedy is perpetuated ad infinitum.
    Except for the monoclam. Monoclams fertilize themselves, then give birth to miniclams who form gangs that terrorize the ocean. Many a scuba diver has suffered the consequences of swimming too close to a suicide squad of miniclams bent on vengeance for all that chowder.
 
Is anything I send you in an email fair game for your column?
Lynette

Hi Lynette,
    I've always assumed so. Half the stuff in Disinfotainment Today wasn't meant for publication and I can't believe I've got the nerve to send it out under any circumstances. Lately, I've taken steps towards turning it into more of a discussion and less of a rant. I assume that every letter I get is part of that discussion. Unlike a blogger, I edit the discussion. The only way I can tell the difference between a personal letter and a letter meant for publication is if you point it out in the letter. I can only keep a secret if I know it's a secret.
MD

if the earth is round and ocean waves ripple on shore to different land masses - like, say, between the  U.S. mainland and Hawaii--does the ocean part in the middle?
Paul Krassner

Dear Mr. Krassner,
    What do I look like, a clam? And did I mention that thing about capitalizing the first letter of sentences? What's going on here? Have you looked at your genes lately?
    I'm reminded of the legend of Moses the Clam, who is reported to have seen a burning seaweed, heard the word of the great and almighty lord of the universe, and parted the ocean floor to kill researchers from Chicken of the Sea who were threatening to take away their homeland. Clams always wanted to be the "chickens" of the sea and continue to bear a grudge against tuna. 
    To get serious, whenever there's an undersea earthquake that causes tsunamis that ripple out, there's a corresponding dip at ground zero known as the "Corresponding Dip," named after Matt Drudge.

Are you competing with that "Ask Marilyn" chick?
Locke Milholland

Locke,
Not unless Marilyn has her eyes on that new clerk at the Morongo Market.
MD

Why did Peter Jackson (the director of  the Lord of the Rings films) say in an interview with Charlie Rose "One does not re-write Tolkien"   while at the same time doing some prodigious rewriting in the 3 films he made.?? The worst being the elves fighting at Helms deep.
Paul

Paul,
The elves didn't fight at Helms deep? Holy shit.
MD

Why didn't anybody tell me ignorance is no excuse?
Peter McCann

Peter,
Beats me.
MD

Is Ann Coulter really naked underneath her clothes?
- Bill Moses

Bill,
Five years ago Satan roasted Ann Coulter over an open spit. I should know because I had a slice of her smoked buttocks, which was delicious. The Ann Coulter you see on television is a hologram broadcast by HAARP (Their new ad line: "We do more than earthquakes!"). Strictly speaking, there is nothing underneath her clothes but stale air and some random clam sperm.
MD

Where can I find a prime eigenvector ?
Bill Moses

Bill,
Oh, man, would you believe I was cleaning out the basement just last week, I found an old eigenvector of my dad's, and I threw it away? I know it was a "right" eigenvector but I'm not sure if it was prime. Probably not. Sorry about that. Who said you could ask two questions anyway?
MD

Ellen Degeneres describes herself as being "boy crazy" when she was young?  What do you think happened?
Tiera Hurlbert

Tiera,
    One of them broke her heart and she blamed it on all boys instead of just the boy who broke her heart.
    My son did the same thing. Years ago I gave him a piece of mincemeat pie and he didn't like it. He didn't come to the conclusion that he didn't like mincemeat pie, he came to the conclusion he didn't like pie, period. For years I'd offer him apple pie, cherry pie, peach pie, and he'd say no because he thought he didn't like ALL pies, not just mincemeat. It made me nuts. This Christmas I loaded a forkful of pecan pie with whipped cream and forced it on him. He ended up finishing the whole thing and has gotten over his mistrust of pies, which was my parenting triumph of the week. 
    In one way or another, everybody needs a piece of pecan pie with whipped cream shoved down their throat.
MD

Why does non-alcohol-drinking Utah have the highest rate of tranquilizer use?  If they're holier than thou why do they need to wind down with pills instead of with a glass of nice Cabernet?
Rita M

Rita,
For the same reason they don't have tall buildings in Utah, to prevent massive suicides of people who find themselves living in Utah.
MD

Why is dirt so small? Who is buried in Grant's tomb? (Hint: A trick question.) A kid will eat ivy too, wouldn't you? Does anybody really know what time it is? Why? (Warning: This question has been known to destroy advanced computers in realities ranging from Star Trek to The Prisoner.) How many flavors of Coca-Cola do we need? Is the autopen Donald Rumsfeld uses to write to fallen soldier's families the same one he used to sign documents that led to Nutrasweet going on the market? In how many Federal Agencies is Disinfotainment Today examined and archived by? Will OJ ever find the real killers? Inquiring minds want to know!
TTFN, Baron Dave

Dave,
In no particular order: every day in the mirror, no way, fourteen, yes, ninety-three, because I say so, absolutely not, to fit between the cracks, and Jimmy Hoffa.
MD
 
Freebies of the Week
 
    It's always strangely disappointing when an artist you admire achieves success through their least work. Loudon Wainwright III was one of my favorite unknown songwriters when the worst song he ever wrote, Dead Skunk, skyrocketed up the charts, making millions of music lovers hate him who never heard his first three brilliant albums, probably avoiding him forever.
    I felt very much the same when Jerry Orbach, one of my all time favorite Broadway musical performers, found his greatest success playing a cop on Law and Order, a role that demanded a remarkable lack of singing and dancing. Sure, I'm a Law and Order fan. It's just that the guy who played El Gallo in the first off-Broadway production of The Fantasticks, who starred in Burt Bacharach's first Broadway musical Promises, Promises, who originated the Richard Gere role in the original production of Chicago was capable of so much more. The only singing he did in the last decade was as the candelabra in Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Be Our Guest was okay, but why oh why didn't some Hollywood mogul remake the disastrous film of Man of La Mancha with Jerry Orbach as Don Quixote (and Nathan Lane as Sancho Panza)? I would have gladly given up 10 seasons of Law and Order to have heard Orbach's Impossible Dream.
    This is an excellent tribute to Det. Lennie Briscoe, but for those of you who think of Jerry Orbach as nothing but a hard-boiled cop who never broke into song, here's an MP3 of Orbach from The Fantasticks that'll make you miss him for a whole other reason.
 
    Speaking of Broadway, Eric Idle admits that when he first started writing the new musical Spamalot, he downloaded the script of Monty Python and the Holy Grail from an illicit website in order to save himself the bother of writing it out. Go to You've got Grail to hear a hilarious song from the play, "I'm Not Dead Yet."
 
Stoners of the Week
 
    "The Food and Drug Administration has approved a pilot study looking at whether the recreational hallucinogen ecstasy can help terminally ill patients lessen their fears, quell thoughts of suicide and make it easier for them to deal with loved ones.
    "'End of life issues are very important and are getting more and more attention, and yet there are very few options for patients who are facing death,' Dr. John Halpern, the Harvard research psychiatrist in charge of the study, said Monday.
    "The small, four-month study is expected to begin early next spring. It will test the drug's effects on 12 cancer patients from the Lahey Clinic Medical Center in the Boston area. The research is being sponsored by the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies, a nonprofit group that plans to raise $250,000 to fund it."
 
Gallery of the Week
 
What happens when you strip away a movie's title and replace it with a literal description of what the movie poster looks like? Strange idea for a contest with some very funny answers.
 
Murder of the Week
 
    "John Schlesinger, the Oscar-winning director of Billy Liar and Midnight Cowboy, blamed Madonna's 'outrageous' behavior on the set of a film they were making for contributing to his heart attack.
    "His damning comments about the pop singer turned actress are contained in a collection of letters and production notes bequeathed to the British Film Institute by the veteran film-maker after his death in July 2003.
    "The papers reveal that Schlesinger, who worked with Madonna in 1999 on his last film, The Next Best Thing (released in 2000), became enraged by her attempts to change numerous scenes. They also show that Madonna demanded that special effects be used to 'beautify' her appearance.
    "Shortly after completing what was one of the unhappiest shoots of his career, Schlesinger, then 73, collapsed on the doorstep of his London home. He was diagnosed with heart failure and underwent a quadruple heart bypass operation."
- Chris Hastings and Roya Nikkhah: Schlesinger blamed heart failure on Madonna -
 
Family Values
 
In California, gays can't get married but they can get divorced.
 
I Feel So Much Safer Now
 
In California, it is now a crime NOT to turn on your headlights if you use your windshield wipers, pharmacists can sell a customer up to 10 hypodermic needles without a prescription, employers with 50 or more workers must provide two hours of sexual harassment awareness training and education to all supervisory employees every two years, It is illegal to intentionally install computer spyware which can collect personal information, disable anti-virus shields and otherwise disrupt a computer's function, though the law prescribes no punishment for violators. It is a misdemeanor to film someone in a bedroom without their knowledge, it is illegal to run a boat engine while someone hangs from the stern's swim ladder or platform, it is a misdemeanor punishable by a $10,000 fine to declaw exotic cats such as cougars, bobcats, lions and tigers, owners of unreinforced masonry buildings must post a placard in their buildings that warns "This is an unreinforced masonry building," no more force-feeding of ducks and geese to enlarge their livers to make foie gras, military personnel and other overseas voters can submit their absentee ballots to county registrars by fax, and smoking by inmates and guards is banned in state prisons. 
 
Headline of the Week
 
Bill defining marriage as one long nightmare goes before congress
- Ironic Times -
 
Best Excuse Not to Read Grapes of Wrath
 
John Steinbeck's Hometown of Salinas is about to become the most populous U.S. city without a public library.
 
Stupid Question of the Week
 
And, of course, that was too much fun, go ahead and keep asking me absolutely any question and I will answer it.
 
 
Don't Take My Word For It
 
"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do."
- Bob Dylan -
 
"Saleem Mata and his wife, Nada Romaya, spent the last hours of 2004 in a two-mile-long line waiting for gasoline because of a fuel shortage. A checkered blanket and a cooler filled with juice and sandwiches rested on the back seat of their car, a taxi that Mata drives every other day. On alternate days, he waits for gas."
 
    "Our dirty little secret is that the drug industry already sells its products, right here in the U.S., at the same low prices charged in Canada and Europe. Its done through rebates. These are given to those with enough power to negotiate drug prices, such as the VA.
    "A 2001 study by the consumer advocacy group Public Citizen found that drug companies favorite customers paid just a little over half the retail price. This leaves the 67 million Americans without insurance to pay cash, with no rebates, at double the prices paid by the most-favored customers.
    "The fight against re-importation of drugs is a fight to continue to charge our uninsureds full price while giving everyone else a rebate."
 
"To be rooted is perhaps the most important and least recognized need of the human soul."
- Simone Weil: The Need for Roots -
 
"Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world."
- Arthur Schopenhauer -
 
"People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like."
- Abraham Lincoln in a book review -
 
"He is great who is not ashamed to admit he does not know."
- Judah HaNasi: Talmud Jerushalmi: Hagiga -
 
"If you yourself are at peace, then there is at least some peace in the world."
- Thomas Merton -
 
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
- Milton Berle -
 
"One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody, everything, every night before you go to bed."
- Bernard M. Baruch -
 
"Which is better, to destroy your enemies or to turn your enemies into friends? Both are impossible to achieve completely but both accomplish the same goal - less enemies. One fills the world with hatred, the other with love. Pick one or the other and see which one makes you feel better."
- Sofi Lerup -
 
"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."
- Buckminster Fuller -
 
"The more I think about it, the more I realize there is nothing more artistic than to love others."
- Vincent Van Gogh -
 
"Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe -
 
"It is not in our power to explain either the prosperity of the wicked or the sufferings of the righteous."
- Pirkei Avot 4:15 -
 
"Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me."
- Christian Pick-Up Line -
 
"Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority."
- Thomas H. Huxley -
 
"Vatican Officials have privately confessed that the pope wishes he were younger and in better health so that he could battle Donald Rumsfeld, whom he believes to be the Whore of Babylon prophesied in Revelations."
- Jeff Crook: Strangely Believable but Untrue -
 
    "During his family practice residency at UNM Hospital, Dr. Andru Ziwasimon said he became aware of the profound barriers and inflated costs of medical care for low-income and uninsured people, and he decided the best way to do his part to fix the problem was start a health clinic that offers primary care to uninsured patients...
    "The clinic operates on the principle that health care should be affordable and accessible to anyone. The goal, Ziwasimon said, is to integrate indigenous medicine (Ledesma's specialty), homeopathic and standard allopathic (prescribed drugs, minor surgery) practices, as well as create a clinic where community leaders can have a voice in the way health care is managed (Olivas' specialty)."
- Tim McGivern: Just Healthcare -
 
"The most shocking fact about war is that its victims and its instruments are individual human beings, and that these individual beings are condemned by the monstrous conventions of politics to murder or be murdered in quarrels not their own."
- Aldous Huxley -
 
"It is foolish in the extreme not only to resort to force before necessity compels, but especially to madly create the conditions that will lead to this necessity."
- Benjamin Tucker: Liberty, May 22, 1886 -
 
"Where is it written in the Constitution, in what article or section is it contained, that you may take children from their parents and parents from their children, and compel them to fight the battles of any war in which the folly and wickedness of the government may engage itself? ... A free Government with arbitrary means to administer it is a contradiction; a free Government without adequate provision for personal security is an absurdity; a free Government, with an uncontrolled power of military conscription, is a solecism, at once the most ridiculous and abominable that ever entered into the head of man."
- Daniel Webster: On Conscription -
 
"Our whole practical government is grounded in mob psychology and.. the Boobus Americanus will follow any command that promises to make him safer."
- H. L. Mencken -
 
"The enormous gap between what U.S. leaders do in the world and what Americans think their leaders are doing is one of the great propaganda accomplishments of the dominant political mythology."
- Michael Parenti -
 
"Few of us can easily surrender our belief that society must somehow make sense. The thought that The State has lost its mind and is punishing so many innocent people is intolerable. And so the evidence has to be internally denied."
- Arthur Miller -
 
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."
- George Bernard Shaw -
 
"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?"
- Mahatma Gandhi -
 
"The industrial way of life leads to the industrial way of death. From Shiloh to Dachau, from Antietam to Stalingrad, from Hiroshima to Vietnam and Afghanistan, the great specialty of industry and technology has been the mass production of human corpses."
- Edward Abbey -
 
"Often war is waged only in order to show valor; thus an inner dignity is ascribed to war itself, and even some philosophers have praised it as an ennoblement of humanity, forgetting the pronouncement of the Greek who said, 'War is an evil in as much as it produces more wicked men than it takes away.'"
- Immanuel Kant -
 
"[T]he United States, for generations, has sustained two parallel but opposed states of mind about military atrocities and human rights: one of U.S. benevolence, generally held by the public, and the other of ends-justify-the-means brutality sponsored by counterinsurgency specialists. Normally the specialists carry out their actions in remote locations with little notice in the national press. That allows the public to sustain its faith in a just America, while hard-nosed security and economic interests are still protected in secret."
- Robert Parry -
 
"COWARDICE, n. A charge often leveled by all-American types against those who stand up for their beliefs by refusing to fight in wars they find unconscionable, and who willingly go to prison or into exile in order to avoid violating their own consciences. These 'cowards' are to be contrasted with red-blooded, 'patriotic' youths who literally bend over, grab their ankles, submit to the government, fight in wars they do not understand (or disapprove of), and blindly obey orders to maim and to kill simply because they are ordered to do so-all to the howling approval of the all-American mob. This type of behavior is commonly termed 'courageous.'"
 
    "1) AEGIS: In June, the Pentagon's Program Management Office in Iraq awarded a $293 million contract to coordinate security operations among thousands of private contractors to Aegis, a UK firm whose founder was once investigated for illegal arms smuggling.
    "An inquiry by the British parliament into Sandline, Aegis head Tim Spicer's former firm, determined that the company had shipped guns to Sierra Leone in 1998 in violation of a UN arms embargo. Sandline's position was that it had approval from the British government, although British ministers were cleared by the inquiry. Spicer resigned from Sandline in 2000 and incorporated Aegis in 2002.
    "The Aegis contract has stirred up considerable controversy, even in the shadowy world of private military contractors. A protest by rival bidder Dyncorp - whose bid was deemed unacceptable by the Army - was dismissed by the General Accountability Office, which concluded that Dyncorp 'lacked standing to challenge the integrity of the awardee (Aegis).' Spicer's defendants point out that there is no provision in contract law to deny a contract based on a bidder's 'colorful' past.
    "Critics say that's just the problem. U.S. and international law have failed to address the role of PMCs in Iraq, resulting in a near-total lack of accountability that epitomizes what's wrong with the corporate takeover of Iraq."
 
"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."
- Mahatma Gandhi -
 
"Television is for appearing on - not for looking at."
- Noel Coward -
 
"Your opponent, in the end, is never really the player on the other side of the net, or the swimmer in the next lane, or the team on the other side of the field, or even the bar you must high-jump. Your opponent is yourself, your negative internal voices, your level of determination."
- Grace Lichtenstein -
 
"We may feel genuinely concerned about world conditions, though such a concern should drive us into action and not into a depression."
- Karen Horney -
 
"Sometimes I wish I'd went through those good times stone cold sober so I could remember everything, but then again, if I had been sober the times probably wouldn't have been worth remembering."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald -
 
"War paralyzes your courage and deadens the spirit of true manhood. It degrades and stupefies with the sense that you are not responsible, that 'tis not yours to think and reason why, but to do and die,' like the hundred thousand others doomed like yourself. War means blind obedience, unthinking stupidity, brutish callousness, wanton destruction, and irresponsible murder."
- Alexander Berkman -
 
"A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider god-fearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side."
- Aristotle -
 
"When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do."
- William Blake -
 
"Every terrorist out there is hoping John Kerry is the next president of the United States."
 
"A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company."
- Gian Vincenzo Gravina -
 
"Never test the depth of the water with both feet."
- Kevin Coyne -
 
"Unemployed parents who love their children as much as the rest of us love ours won't have the same chance to show them materially the love they feel in their hearts. God willing, their kids will understand. But some kids, watching other kids in the television ads, might wonder: Why can those other parents give their kids all that stuff that my parents can't give me? Isn't that a question of values?"
 
"Those who are undisciplined become fat. There is something distasteful about their inability to control themselves. To be thin takes control and rigour. It is a Saturday, a working day. It will be like no other. Christmas is for children, and I don't like children. Other people's are fine. But not for me. I have never felt the need to be part of a family unit. Also, imagine if I had a child and he was mediocre. I would hate that. Then again, if he was better than me I might hate that too."
- Karl Lagerfeld -
 
"I personally think it was not worth it, in the sense that we have paid a high price in blood. And it's increasing. You cannot underestimate the suffering that this has already produced to tens of thousands of American families. Now, that is simply not worth the price of removing Saddam, because we were containing him."
 
    "To be clear, there is no general constitutional requirement that public school students be taught the truth. For example, suppose a school board mandates that high school American history courses emphasize inspiring moments from our past--entirely omitting the shameful treatment of Native Americans, the enslavement of millions of African Americans, and the internment of Japanese Americans. Certainly, the school board would thereby do its students and the community a disservice, but it would not violate any provision of the Constitution with its highly selective history classes.
    "Nor is science, or even evolution, different. In the old Soviet Union, children were taught Lamarck's view that acquired characteristics are inherited by the next generation--long after that view, as a matter of science, had been discredited. Why? For a political reason: That biological theory fit nicely with Communist ideology about the malleability of man and the natural world. Suppose, for whatever reason, that a contemporary American school board wished to handicap its students by teaching them Lamarckian rather than Darwinian evolution. The Constitution would be no obstacle to such a foolish policy.
    "But given the social reality, "intelligent design" is different. It is an allegedly scientific theory that bears a striking resemblance to religious views. When the government mandates that students be taught such a theory, courts are rightly suspicious.
    "At that point, a court should ask whether intelligent design is, in fact, a scientific theory at all. It should do so, not because of any general obligation on the part of schools to teach science correctly, but simply because if intelligent design is not science, then the inference is almost inescapable that the state is impermissibly acting for the purpose of fostering a religious viewpoint."
 
"If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed."
- Mark Twain -
 
"Nobody censors speech they agree with."
- Xarvon, alien investigator -
 
"How different is Costco? Starting pay is $10 an hour, workers typically earn $40,000-a-year after three years on the job, the company covers 92 percent of employees' health care costs, and the Teamsters union provides strong bargaining representation for the workers. Also, while CEOs at other major corporations average 531 times the pay of their lowest-paid employees, Costco's top boss takes only 10 times the pay of his typical rank & filer. His annual salary $350,000 compared to some $5 million a year hauled off by Wal-Mart's honcho."
- Jim Hightower: The Costco Model -
 
"Done, but with errors on the page."
- Internet Explorer -
 
Everything Else
 
Watch George Carlin talk about the "civil" war.
 
A photographer happened to be sitting on his hotel balcony when the tsunami hit. He captured this series of pictures. (WARNING: When I first visited this site, the pictures were only of the first wave approaching a hotel. A reader has pointed out that since it's a blog, further down the page people have posted truly gross and disgusting pornography. Those are NOT the pictures I'm talking about and you might want to avoid them.)
 
You won't believe how many fictional timelines have been uncovered by Edgar Governo, the world's greatest Historian of Things That Never Were.
 
 
Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Freemasons - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Skull and Bones - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Carlyle Group - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Illuminati - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Satan - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact both houses of Congress - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Supreme Court - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Dick Cheney - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Halliburton - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Saddam Hussein - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Osama bin Laden - thetwins@whitehouse.gov
Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Fidel Castro - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Kim Jong Il - eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int
Contact the Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact God - president@whitehouse.gov
 
 
 
Don't let this happen to you
Subscribe to dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY
 
Link to Disinfotainment Today with one of these tasteful banners.

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are here.
 
I can't believe you haven't already checked out Emulsional Problems.


Boo hoo
My site was down for a week because I didn't have $19.95.
Thousands of people were un-disinfotained.
 


Acknowledgment

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.

Thanks,
Sheila Blige
 
 
 
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'TBH Politoons'

Click Here!



Thanks, again, Tim!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But Untrue

Strangely Believable
Today's Fact: 01/03/05
 

The White House recently backed down from a proposed plan to horsewhip troublesome children after several Republican senators expressed concern about the measure.

 

~Jeff Crook

 

Jeff Crook is the Ceci Connolly of the Left - J. Howard Tuft

 

 

Strangely Believable but Untrue is now available online at the Untrue Fact of the Day web calendar. Help spread disinformation and misunderstanding by sharing this with your friends and enemies.

 



 
A casual stroll through a mental asylum shows that faith proves nothing.  --- Friedrich Nietzche

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

STATUE STANDING STILL

BEWARE THE HUNGRY LOOKERS

EATING THE ASS OF ART


Zen Man
(in Madrid)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Recommended Reading

from Bruce

 Paul Krugman: Stopping the Bum's Rush
(Click on "Columns," then on "Stopping the Bum's Rush")
The people who hustled America into a tax cut to eliminate an imaginary budget surplus and a war to eliminate imaginary weapons are now trying another bum's rush. If they succeed, we will do nothing about the real fiscal threat and will instead dismantle Social Security, a program that is in much better financial shape than the rest of the federal government. In the next few weeks, I'll explain why privatization will fatally undermine Social Security, and suggest steps to strengthen the program. I'll also talk about the much more urgent fiscal problems the administration hopes you won't notice while it scares you about Social Security.


Jonathan Weisman and Mike Allen: Bush Plan Likely to Cut Initial Benefits
The Bush administration has signaled that it will propose changing the formula that sets initial Social Security benefit levels, cutting promised benefits by nearly a third in the coming decades, according to several Republicans close to the White House.


Turkish Press: Iraq battling more than 200,000 insurgents: intelligence chief
BAGHDAD, Jan 3 (AFP) - Iraq's insurgency counts more than 200,000 active fighters and sympathisers, the country's national intelligence chief told AFP, in the bleakest assessment to date of the armed revolt waged by Sunni Muslims. "I think the resistance is bigger than the US military in Iraq. I think the resistance is more than 200,000 people," Iraqi intelligence service director General Mohamed Abdullah Shahwani said in an interview ahead of the January 30 elections.


BBC: Supervolcanoes
Hidden deep beneath the Earth's surface lie one of the most destructive and yet least-understood natural phenomena in the world - supervolcanoes. Only a handful exist in the world but when one erupts it will be unlike any volcano we have ever witnessed. The explosion will be heard around the world. The sky will darken, black rain will fall, and the Earth will be plunged into the equivalent of a nuclear winter.


BBC: Expert slams wave threat inertia
New York, Washington DC, Boston and Miami would be almost wiped out by the tsunami generated by the insecure rock falling into the Atlantic.


ROGER EBERT: The Red Shoes (1948)
There is tension between two kinds of stories in "The Red Shoes," and that tension helps make it the most popular movie ever made about the ballet and one of the most enigmatic movies about anything. One story could be a Hollywood musical: A young ballerina falls in love with the composer of the ballet that makes her an overnight star. The other story is darker and more guarded. It involves the impresario who runs the ballet company, who demands loyalty and obedience, who is enraged when the young people get married. The motives of the ballerina and her lover are transparent. But the impresario defies analysis. In his dark eyes we read a fierce resentment. No, it is not jealousy, at least not romantic jealousy. Nothing as simple as that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subscribe to BartCop!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Purple Gene Reviews

'Catwoman'

 Purple Genes' review of the movie "Catwoman" (2004) directed by Pitof and starring Halle Berry:

I can't help but remember Halle Berrys' Academy Award acceptance speech for her role as Leticia in "Monsters Ball" (2001).....dripping with drama and delirious with the Honor of "Best Actress", Halle went on and on about how she hoped this award and the Golden Globe award for her role as Dorothy Dandridge would help open doors for other black female actors to get good roles.........well, Halle went on to take her next great role as a black female actor by playing Jinx Johnson in the 2002 James Bond thriller "Die Another Day"......followed by another great role for a black female actor as Storm in the 2003 Sci-Fi action thriller "X-Man 2"......Now I just saw her in her great role as a black female actor as Patience in the 2004 action crime fantasy "Catwoman"........but wait ...she's not through taking on great new roles for a black female actor.....this year (2005)...guess what?????? we're gonna see Halle Berry as....."Foxy Brown"......

My gawd....this "great" black female actor, Miss Halle Berry, has descended into a cesspool of pathetic parts that do nothing but demean and diminish any kind of actor.....and dammit.....how dare she try to steal Pam Griers' really great black female actor role of "Foxy Brown"....how dare she steal Eartha Kitts' thunder as a really great black female actor in the 1967 TV Batman role of "Catwoman # 2" (Funny Feline Felonies)......and to add injury to insults....What about Tara Satanas' role as Varla in Russ Meyer's 1965 action crime comedy "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"......"what a bunch of bullshit, Halle!!!!"....You took these roles created just for a great black female actors for the MONEY!!!!!! I saw your name on the credits for "Foxy Brown" as executive producer....big fuckin' money!!!!! Here's your acceptance speech for the WORST acting job as a black female actor in 2004 for your role in "Catwoman"......."I want to thank the academy for recognizing what I have done for so many black women in my profession.......put them back doing "Aunt Jemima" roles!!!!!!!

I'm really sorry for ranting about Halles' new movie "Catwoman" ...maybe I had Jet Lag (I saw it on Delta flight 90 at 4 am)....maybe it was the small screen and the cheap headphones.....no...it was a worse than that ...."Catwoman" is CAT SHIT!!!!!

Graphic artist Patience Phillips is working overtime for a cosmetics company (Hedare) about to flood the anti-aging market with a new CREAM......funny little cat walks onto Patiences' balcony with a mesmerizing MEOW.....Patience follows kitty out to the ledge and falls off but is some how rescued by a handsome cop played by Benjamin Bratt (remember that kitty).......well some one dies at the Cosmetic Company because they discovered that the anti-aging cream is addictive, disfiguring and dangerous....unless you just kept putting more of it on.....enter Laura Hedare (Sharon Stone) bitch ass wife of George Hedare (Lambert Wilson) powerful prick prig CEO of the BAD Cosmetic Company who is the real villainess....she hates her husband but likes his money. Patience sneaks around the cosmetic plant one night and falls into some chemicals and gets flushed down the sewer...end of story?????? no!!

Remember that kitty???..out of the waste that little kitty kisses a half dead Patience back to life....enter CATWOMAN....fucking STUPID!!!!!!!

Even Ophelia (Frances Conroy from HBOs' "6 Feet Under") as an odd Egyptophilic sage can't save this mess of a movie.......(I was laughing out loud on my plane ride, headphones on, with people giving me strange stares...who cares) ....It all comes down to guess what --- a CATFIGHT ! Halle kicks Sharon Stones' ASS and ends up with Benjamin Bratt......Worst movie of the year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Purple Gene gives "Catwoman" 1 big cat turd out of 10 for stinking so bad and setting roles for black women in hollywood back 50 years!!!!!


Purple Gene

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Selected Readings

from that Mad Cat, JD

REPUGS ARE PIMPING

HE'S STILL A YELLOW BELLY DRAFT DODGER

KILLING THEM IS CHEAPER THAN KEEPING THEM ALIVE

KILLING THEM SOFTLY

QUAGMIRE

"WE ARE TODAY NOT FAR FROM DISASTER"

"KENNY BOY" LIKES IT

RIVER BEND

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BAGnewsNotes Blog

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In The Chaos Household

Last Night

 Another rainy day.

My young cousin Keith is visiting dear old dad back in PA this week.

His last visit was 20 years ago, when he wasn't quite a year old.

That occasion was my great-grandmother's 100th birthday, and Keith was the 5th generation.



Tonight, Wednesday:

CBS starts the night with '60 Minutes', followed by a FRESH 'King Of Queens', then a FRESH 'Center Of The Universe', followed by a FRESH 'CSI: The 3rd One'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Kiefer Sutherland, Marv Albert, and Black Keys.
Scheduled on a FRESH 'Craiggers' are Julian McMahon and Howie Day.

NBC opens the night with the SERIES PREMIERE of 'Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Search', followed by a FRESH 'Wet Wing', then a FRESH 'Law & Order'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Leno are Patricia Arquette, Jeff Gordon, and Brian Wilson.
On a RERUN Conan (from 12/14/04) are Kevin Spacey, Billy Connolly, and Skindred.
On a RERUN Carson Daly is TBA.

ABC begins the night with a FRESH 'Lost', followed by the 2-hour SEASON PREMIERE of 'Alias'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Simon Pegg, Matt Leinhart, and Todd Glass.

The WB offers a RERUN 'Smallville', followed by a FRESH 'Big Man On Campus'.

Faux has a FRESH 'That 70s Show', followed by a FRESH 'Quintuplets', then a FRESH 'Nanny 911'.

UPN has the SERIES PREMIERE of 'The Road To Stardom With Missy Elliott', followed by a FRESH 'Kevin Hill'.

A&E has 'American Justice', another 'American Justice', 'Keepers: A Job Behind Bars', and 'Biography' (Ken Jennings).

AMC offers the movie 'The War Of The Worlds' (Gene Barry version), followed by the movie 'Mad Max', then the movie 'Force 10 From Navarone'.

BBC  -   
 [2pm]    'As Time Goes By' - Episode 9;
 [2:40pm]    'Are You Being Served?' - Wedding Bells;
 [3:20pm]    'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 3;
 [4pm]    'The Saint' - The Better Mousetrap;
 [5pm]    'The Weakest Link' - Episode 19;
 [6pm]    'BBC World News';
 [6:30pm]    'Cash in the Attic' - Morris;
 [7pm]    'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 6;
 [7:30pm]    'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 8;
 [8pm]    'My Family' - Absent Vixen;
 [8:40pm]    'Worst Week of My Life' - Episode 1;
 [9:20pm]    'Coupling' - Dressed;
 [10pm]    'Kumars at No. 42' - Donny Osmond;
 [10:40pm]    'Goodness Gracious Me' - Episode 1;
 [11pm]    'My Family' - Absent Vixen;
 [11:40pm]    'Worst Week of My Life' - Episode 1;
 [12:20am]    'Coupling' - Dressed;
 [1am]    'Kumars at No. 42' - Donny Osmond;
 [1:40am]    'Goodness Gracious Me' - Episode 1;
 [2am]    'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 6;
 [2:30am]    'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 8;
 [3am]    'My Family' - Absent Vixen;
 [3:40am]    'Worst Week of My Life' - Episode 1;
 [4:20am]    'Coupling' - Dressed;
 [5am]    'Kumars at No. 42' - Donny Osmond;
 [5:40am]    'Goodness Gracious Me' - Episode 1;
 [6am]    'BBC World News'.    (ALL TIMES EST)

Bravo has 'West Wing', 'Project Runway', another 'Project Runway', and 'Queer Eye'.

Comedy Central has 'MAD TV', 'Reno 911!', 'Crank Yankers', 'South Park', another 'South Park', and 'Drawn Together'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jon Stewart is Don Cheadle.

History has 'Modern Marvels', another 'Modern Marvels', followed by a FRESH 'Full Throttle', and another 'Modern Marvels'.

IFC  -   
 [6AM]    'Glengarry Glen Ross' (1992);
 [7:30AM]    'At The Angelika #92' (2004);
 [8AM]    'The Tango Lesson' (1997);
 [9:45AM]    Short: 'Bean Cake';
 [10AM]    'Buena Vista Social Club' (1999);
 [11:45AM]    'At The Angelika #92' (2004);
 [12:15PM]    'Dinner Rush' (2000);
 [2PM]    'IFC In Theaters' (2004);
 [2:15PM]    'The Tango Lesson' (1997);
 [4PM]    'The Ultimate Film Fanatic Audition' Show Season 2 (2004);
 [4:30PM]    'An Angel At My Table' (1990);
 [7:15PM]    'The Broken Hearts Club' (2000);
 [9PM]    'Monsoon Wedding' (2001);
 [11PM]    'Damage' (1992);
 [1AM]    'Monsoon Wedding' (2001);
 [3AM]    'The Ultimate Film Fanatic Audition Show' Season 2 (2004);
 [3:30AM]    'Little Odessa' (1994);
 [5:15AM]    'Running With The Bulls' (2003).    (ALL TIMES EST)

SciFi has the movie 'Event Horizon', followed by the movie 'Freejack'.

Sundance  -   
 [7AM]    'Derrida' (Documentary);
 [8:25AM]    'What Happened Was...' (Feature);
 [10AM]    'Trembling Before G-d' (Documentary);
 [11:30AM]    'Palookaville' (Feature);
 [1:05PM]    'Paradox Lake' (Feature);
 [2:30PM]    'Derrida' (Documentary);
 [4PM]    Anatomy Of A Scene: The Cooler' (Original Production);
 [4:25PM]    'What Happened Was...' (Feature);
 [6PM]    'Trembling Before G-d' (Documentary);
 [7:30PM]    'Dopamine' (Feature);
 [9PM]    'The Opposite of Sex' (Feature);
 [10:45PM]    'D.E.B.S.' (Short);
 [11PM]    'Bark' (Feature);
 [12:45AM]    'Neo-Noir' (Short);
 [1AM]    'Prey for Rock & Roll' (Feature);
 [2:45AM]    'Careful' (World Cinema);
 [4:30AM]    'Anatomy Of A Scene: The United States of Leland' (Original Production);
 [5:30AM]    'Mullitt' (Feature);
 [5:55AM]    'Good Night Valentino' (Short).    (ALL TIMES EST)

TCM:
 [6:30am]    'The Bandit Trail' (1941);
 [7:45am]    'Riding the Wind' (1942);
 [9am]    'Colorado Territory' (1949);
 [11am]    'The Westerner' (1940);
 [1pm]    'The Outlaw' (1943);
 [3pm]    'Duel In The Sun' (1946);
 [5:30pm]    'Red River' (1948);
 [8pm]    'Bataan' (1943);
 [10pm]    'So Proudly We Hail' (1943);
 [12:15am]    'Appointment in Tokyo' (1946);
 [1:15am]    'The Story of G.I. Joe' (1945);
 [3:15am]    'Air Force' (1943);
 [5:30am]    'Winning Your Wings' (1942).    (ALL TIMES EST)


Thursday  -  01/06

TCM:
 [6am]    'First Motion Picture Unit' (1943)  [WARNING: stars Ronald Reagan] ;
 [6:30am]    'Recognition of the Japanese Zero' (2003)  [WARNING: stars Ronald Reagan] ;
 [7am]    'Resisting Enemy Interrogation' (1944);
 [8:15am]    'She Had To Say Yes' (1933);
 [9:30am]    'Midnight Mary' (1933);
 [11am]    'The Unguarded Hour' (1936);
 [12:30pm]    'The Stranger' (1946);
 [2:30pm]    'The Farmer's Daughter' (1947);
 [4:30pm]    'Rachel And The Stranger' (1948);
 [6pm]    'Key To The City' (1950);
 [8pm]    'King Kong' (1933);
 [10pm]    'Romeo And Juliet' (1936);
 [12:30am]    'Sparrows' (1926) SILENT ;
 [2am]    'Love Finds Andy Hardy' (1938);
 [3:45am]    'Love Crazy' (1941);
 [5:30am]    'Cartoon Alley #3' (2005).    (ALL TIMES EST)



Any opinions?

Or reviews?


(See below for addresses)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Playwright Edward Albee, left, appears with actress Kathleen Turner, center, and actor Bill Irwin moments before a news conference, in Boston, Tuesday, Jan. 4, 2005, held to answer questions about their new upcoming production of Albee's play 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?' The play is to open in Boston at the Wilbur Theatre Feb. 10 and play through March 6, 2005.
Photo by Steven Senne
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Click Here!

Moose & Squirrel - The Blog

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Citadel Radio Drops

Howard Stern

 Citadel Broadcasting Corp yanked Howard Stern from four stations this week and may never resume the show due to tensions over the controversial radio host's tendency to tout his upcoming move to satellite radio.

Stern had taken a two-week vacation break, but listeners were surprised when the show did not resume on Jan. 3

Citadel promised to keep its listeners advised as to whether or when Stern returns.

Ironically, Citadel's Syracuse rock station WAQX-FM had reached a deal with Sirius' rival XM Satellite Radio Holdings to run the controversial "Opie & Anthony" show with heavy editing as an alternative during Stern's two-week break.

Howard Stern

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Headlining Benefit Concert

Willie Nelson

 Country singer Willie Nelson will headline a benefit concert to help the relief effort for victims of the tsunamis in southern Asia and eastern Africa. "I started at the top," said musician Michael Hall of his first call to build a lineup, "and when Willie said, 'Count me in,' I knew we were off and running."

The Tsunami Relief Austin to South Asia concert will be held Sunday night at the Austin Music Hall. Patty Griffin, Spoon, Joe Ely, Alejandro Escovedo, Bruce Robison and Kelly Willis and the Geezinslaws also are among those scheduled to perform.

All the acts are donating their talents. Proceeds of ticket sales for the concert at the 3,000-capacity Music Hall will go to the American Red Cross, UNICEF and Doctors Without Borders.

Willie Nelson

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New Host For 'Now'

David Brancaccio

 There are changes afoot as PBS' "Now" begins its new season.

Most notably, its changing of the guard: Bill Moyers retired at age 70 last month from the weekly newsmagazine he founded three years ago.

But David Brancaccio, his former co-host and designated successor, is sticking with the fundamentals.

"Now" has stayed true to its journalistic ideal - afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted - by pursuing stories that were too complex, sensitive or off the beaten path to engage most other newscasts. (A prime example: media consolidation, an ongoing story "Now" had virtually to itself even as hundreds of thousands of Americans protested the easing of ownership limits for Big Media by the Federal Communications Commission)

But its 2.5 million viewers will also find differences Friday. Formerly an hour, "Now" henceforth is a compact 30 minutes because of budget limitations.

David Brancaccio


'Now' is totally self-sustaining, so to blame it's time cut on 'budget limitations' seems specious at best.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The artist known as Christo(R) and his wife Jeanne-Claude(L) are interviewed in Central Park where his latest project called 'The Gates' is under construction in New York, January 4, 2005. Central Park will be transformed with billowing fabric hung across its footpaths which pedestrians will walk under.
Photo by Chip East
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Added to Oxford Dictionary of National Biography

George Harrison

 Beatles guitarist George Harrison, actor Nigel Hawthorne and Harry Secombe, one of the stars of "The Goon Show," have been added to the "Oxford Dictionary of National Biography," Britain's definitive record of the great and the good.

American-born harmonica virtuoso Larry Adler is among the 31 new entrants from outside Britain.

Other new biographies include Douglas Adams, author of "The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

George Harrison

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lifetime Achievement Awards

Grammy Honorees

 Led Zeppelin, Janis Joplin and Jerry Lee Lewis will receive lifetime achievement awards at this year's Grammy Awards, organizers said Tuesday.

Also receiving plaques from the Recording Academy will be Eddy Arnold, Art Blakey, the original Carter Family, Morton Gould, Jelly Roll Morton, Pinetop Perkins and the Staple Singers.

The awards will be presented at a ceremony on Feb. 12, the day before the 47th annual Grammys are handed out at Staples Center.

Also at the Feb. 12 event, late songwriter Hoagy Carmichael, "Soul Train" founder Don Cornelius, late Blue Note Records founder Alfred Lion, and pianist Dr. Billy Taylor will receive Trustees Awards, which go to non-performers. Additionally, Grammy-winning producer Phil Ramone and speaker maker JBL Professional will receive Technical Grammy awards.

Grammy Honorees

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5 More Episodes Ordered

'House'

 Fox is betting on "House" for the rest of the season.

The network has ordered five additional episodes of the critically praised drama starring Hugh Laurie ("Blackadder") as a disheveled physician with an apparent distaste for his patients. The first-season tally now stands at 18 episodes.

'House'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

bartcook

In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More 'D-List' For Bravo

Kathy Griffin

 Bravo has ordered six hourlong episodes of the reality series "Kathy Griffin: Life on the D-List."

Originally aired as a special on the cable channel last year, "List" features comedian Griffin with a mix of stand-up material and behind-the-scenes footage of her efforts to further her career in show business.

Kathy Griffin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The 'Tiki Truck,' a converted Ford F-250, is one of the many non-traditonal luxury cars that will be featured at the Greater Los Angeles Auto Show opening January 7, 2005 at the Los Angeles Convention Center. The truck features a waterfall that drops into a jacuzzi, portable barbeque and a frozen drink machine all hidden by a teakwood deck cover. The auto show is open until January 16.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ill With Viral Infection

Jennifer Garner

 Golden Globe nominee Jennifer Garner is ill with a viral infection, forcing her to reschedule promotion of her new movie "Elektra."

Publicist Nicole King said Tuesday the "Alias" star isn't hospitalized and is resting at home in Los Angeles.

"Alias" returns for its fourth season with a two-hour special Wednesday.

Jennifer Garner

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ratings Dud

'Who's Your Daddy?'

 Television viewers gave a collective shrug to Fox's attempt to turn a daughter's search for her birth father into a game show.

"Who's Your Daddy?" was seen by 6.3 million viewers Monday, fourth in its time slot, according to Nielsen Media Research. The Fox special starred a woman who picked her birth father from a group of seven impostors for a $100,000 prize.

'Who's Your Daddy?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

pissed
(formerly 'The Vidiot')

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3 Doors Down, Macy Gray

Inaugural Performers

 With the Jan. 20 inauguration of resident Bush, visitors to the capital won't be able to swing a cat next week without hitting a ball or party.

The Jan. 20 RIAA bash at the upscale H20 club will be slanted toward a young crowd, with a set by Mississippi-based rock band 3 Doors Down.

The Creative Coalition's event, also Jan. 20, is called The Ball After the Balls. Macy Gray is the musical headliner. Tickets are also $1,000.

While the RIAA and Creative Coalition bashes will likely be cowboy-hat-free, the Black Tie and Boots Ball, a non-official jamboree put on Jan. 19 by the Texas State Society of Washington, D.C., will be Lone Star State-intensive. It is also the hottest ticket in town.

A sampling of the event's talent lineup (on seven stages) includes 2001 inauguration vets Lyle Lovett and Asleep at the Wheel, as well as Clay Walker, Robert Earl Keen, Neal McCoy, the Derailers, the Gourds, Del Castillo and Yolanda Adams.

Inaugural Performers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


In this undated photo released by the Anthropological Survey of India a portrait of a Jarawa tribe boy, one of the five tribes in India's Andaman and Nicobar archipelago. Government officials and anthropologists believe that ancient knowledge of the movement of wind, sea and birds may have saved the five indigenous tribes on the Indian archipelago of Andaman and Nicobar islands from the tsunami that hit the Asian coastline Dec. 26. According to varying estimates, there are only about 400 to 1,000 members alive today from the Great Andamanese, Onges, Jarawas, Sentinelese and Shompens. Some anthropological DNA studies indicate the generations may have spanned back 70,000 years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Auction Income to Help Tsunami Victims

Barry Bonds

 The San Francisco Giants will auction off a meeting with controversial baseball slugger Barry Bonds to help victims of the Asian tsunami, the team announced on Tuesday.

The auction at the www.sfgiants.com Web site will offer the winner and three friends the chance to meet the seven-time most valuable player during the 2005 season in the Giants dugout.

The Giants are also auctioning off for tsunami relief the right to throw out the first pitch of the season opener -- an honor that fell to Mayor Gavin Newsom last year -- and several other baseball opportunities they called "once-in-a-lifetime experiences."

The on-line auction ends on Friday.

Barry Bonds

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Site Dubbed Famed Stuntman 'Pimp'

Evel Knievel

 Motorcycle daredevil Evel Knievel cannot sue a Web site that published a photo of him with two women above a caption reading "You're never too old to be a pimp," a U.S. appeals court ruled on Tuesday.

The term "pimp" was probably intended as a compliment, the court said. But Knievel said, "What good is law in the United States of America if five or six goddamn bimbos are going to rule against it?"

The Montana native sued after ESPN, a subsidiary of Walt Disney Co., published a photo of the famed stunt driver at the Action Sports and Music Awards in 2001 with his arms around his wife and a second young woman.

Evel Knievel

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A man walks his dogs under a red sky in the afternoon hours on Tuesday, Jan. 4, 2005 in Frankfurt, central Germany.
Photo by Michael Probst
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pilots Get Call from NBC, WB

Jerry Bruckheimer

 In a flurry of pilot activity Monday, producer Jerry Bruckheimer ("CSI") received two drama pilot pickups -- one at NBC for the defense-themed project "E-Ring" and one at the WB Network for an untitled show about a 17-year-old lawyer.

"E-Ring," described as "The West Wing" set at the Pentagon, was created by David McKenna and Ken Robinson, a former Green Beret who consults for CNN on terrorism and military intelligence. McKenna penned the pilot script.

The untitled drama, written and executive produced by Jonathan Shapiro, is said to be in the vein of "Doogie Howser, M.D." It centers on the relationship between the prodigy and his mentor.

Jerry Bruckheimer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A skier on Teton Pass near Jackson, Wyo., makes tracks Sunday, Jan. 2, 2005, in some of the nearly 40 inches of powder that have fallen in the area over the new year's weekend.
Photo by Angus M. Thuermer, Jr.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fires Five In Killing Of Cat

Wal-Mart

 Wal-Mart has fired five employees in the killing of a cat on store property.

The Vanderburgh County Sheriff's Department says the men repeatedly shot the cat with a pellet gun after a manager told them to get rid of the animal which had been living in a storage trailer behind the store.

Wal-Mart says it plans to donate $10,000 to two Evansville-area animal shelters.

Wal-Mart

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Consumers Union Reveals Best Brands

Condom Testing

 The nonprofit Consumers Union says in a new guide to contraception that the seven top U.S. types of condom they studied did not burst despite vigorous testing, and all models met international standards.

But results showed that the top brand, able to take the most punishment, was the Durex Extra Sensitive Lubricated Latex, according to the report.

A melon-colored model distributed by Planned Parenthood performed the worst, bursting during a test in which the latex condoms were filled with air.

For more, Condom Testing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Memory

Will Eisner

 Will Eisner, comic-book innovator and creator of the modern graphic novel, died Monday in Florida following quadruple bypass heart surgery. He was 87.

A talented artist and writer, Mr. Eisner was best known for "The Spirit," which followed the exploits of a masked detective on worldwide adventures. In 1978, Mr. Eisner published "A Contract With God," the first comic to appear in novel form. He continued until his death to be a prolific creator and educator. For his contributions to the comic-book medium, the industry named its annual accolades The Will Eisner Comic Industry Awards in 1987.

"Will Eisner was our Orson Welles," said Neil Gaiman, author of comic-book series "The Sandman" and the Hugo Award-winning novel "American Gods."

Born in 1917 to Jewish immigrants living in Brooklyn, N.Y., Mr. Eisner began publishing in his high-school newspaper at DeWitt Clinton High School in the Bronx. His first comic strip appeared in 1936's "WOW What a Magazine!"

Soon after, Mr. Eisner founded Eisner-Iger studio with friend Samuel "Jerry" Iger. In 1939, Eisner joined the Quality Comics Group, creating "The Spirit" for a Sunday newspaper comic insert that ran from 1940 to 1952. At its peak, "The Spirit" appeared in 20 newspapers reaching 5 million readers, according to comic-book publisher DC Comics.

Comic book luminaries such as Batman creator Bob Kane, Jack Kirby ("Fantastic Four," "X-Men"), Jack Cole ("Plastic Man") and many others worked in Eisner's studio. Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist Jules Feiffer, who worked under Mr. Eisner from 1946 to 1951, called him "mentor to many young artists coming up in the field."

In addition to graphic novels - including "The Dreamer," "The Building" and "Invisible People" - Mr. Eisner also wrote two influential books on the medium: "Comics and Sequential Art" and "Graphic Storytelling."

Mr. Eisner taught cartooning at the School of Visual Arts in New York and received multiple awards, including the 1995 Milton Caniff Lifetime Achievement Award and the 1998 Reuben Award as cartoonist of the year from the National Cartoonists Society.

DC Comics is currently reprinting Mr. Eisner's "The Spirit" in a series of 200-odd page collections, "The Spirit Archives." The 15th of 24 projected volumes was published last year. In May 2005, W.W. Norton & Company will publish Eisner's "The Plot: The Secret Story of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion."

Will Eisner #1

*******************************


Will Eisner, a master of American comics and a pioneer of the graphic novel who gave his name to the comic industry's equivalent of the Oscars, has died at age 87, his publisher said on Tuesday.

Dubbed "The Leonardo of the Comic Book," Eisner once said he aspired to be a "social reporter."

His most famous character was "The Spirit," a masked crime fighter who protected the innocent in Central City using his guile and his fists. The comic strip ran in Sunday newspapers from 1940 until 1952.

Eisner was drafted into the U.S. Army in 1942 and helped produced posters to entertain the troops. He also created the bumbling comic character of Joe Dope as part of an educational series on topics such as jeep maintenance.

Eisner taught cartooning at the School of Visual Arts in New York and was the author of two textbooks on the art of comics and graphic storytelling.

He described many of his books as polemics, including the recent "Fagin the Jew" which retells the biography of the character from Charles Dickens' "Oliver Twist" by challenging the inherent anti-Semitism in the story.

Robert Weil, executive editor at publisher W.W. Norton & Co., said Eisner was "the master of American 20th century comics" who with his "genius for storytelling and visual brilliance ... created a new form of literature" that inspired other artists such as Art Spiegelman and R. Crumb.

Eisner's last book, to be published by Norton in May, is "The Plot: The Secret Story of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion." It focuses on anti-Semitic propaganda created by Russia's secret police a century ago, purported to be a blueprint written by Jewish leaders for taking over the world.

The Italian writer Umberto Eco just last week completed an introduction to the book that Eisner considered his most important project.

Will Eisner #2

*******************************


Will Eisner started making comics in the 1930s and was the first to use balloonless panels to emphasize characters' emotions by focusing attention on finely wrought facial expressions.

He addressed subjects considered unthinkable in comic books and rarely seen at the time in newspaper comics: spousal abuse, tax audits, urban blight and graft.

Eisner's first graphic novel, "A Contract with God," was published in 1978 and included stories of his childhood and the immigrant Jewish experience in a poor Brooklyn tenement. The genre combines elements of comic books and literary novels.

Will Eisner #3



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Rescuers seen near one of the two Indo-Pacific Humpback dolphins trapped in a lake in Khao Lak, north of Phuket, January 4, 2005. Rescuers failed for a second day to save the two dolphins on Tuesday after a local official and environmentalists argued about how best to save the mammals swept inland by the giant waves.
Photo by Chaiwat Subprasom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subscribe to BartCop!



Click Here!


Click Here!



PersephonePlus

Custom Kaleidoscopes by Ed the "BearMan"

Media Matters

Take Back The Media!

Blah 3

The Slab

What Really Happened

The Iraq Page

Today In Iraq

I'm Not Sorry

Freeway Blogger

Unpopular Ideas

2 Dudes

The Sideshow - by Avedon Carol

skippy the bush kangaroo

TrimmedBush

Nick's Blog

Tim Beasley's Celebrity Stars

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who served?

The Chickenhawk Database

Congressional Members with Military Service

Who Died and Made You President? :: The Bean Magazine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

100 Most Banned Books

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Click Here!


Click Here!

Click Here!

Click Here!

Avery Ant and his One Minute Rant - Click Here!

Saint Clinton

Click Here!

Click Here!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Welcome !


You have reached the Home page of BartCop Entertainment.
Make yourself home, take your shoes off...
Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.

The idea is to have fun.

Do you have something to say?
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better, amused or entertained?

Do you have a great album no one's heard?
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?
A popular artist that just plain pisses you off?
A box set the whole world should own?
Vile, filthy rumors about Republican musicians?
Just plain vile, filthy rumors?
This is your place.

(In other words, submissions are welcome.)


Send mail to Marty
( SuprmChaos@yahoo.com )

Or this Marty
( SuprmChaos@aol.com )

Or this Marty
( SuprmChaos@hotmail.com )

Or this Marty
( marty@suprmchaos.com )


Thank you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Previous Issue

BartCop Entertainment Archive ~ Year 4

BartCop Entertainment Archive ~ Years 2 & 3

BartCop Entertainment Archive ~ Year 1

Home

Links

Return to BartCop




"Management reserves the right to edit, yada yada."


''You send it to me, it's mine.''







Legal Stuff


































Established 26 July, 2001















































Heh heh heh










©  2005  suprmchaos.com