BartCop Entertainment Archives - Tuesday, 21 December, 2004

Tuesday

21 December, 2004

big hammer - bigger hammer

(Updated Daily)

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Issue #133

Disinfotainment Today

 By Michael Dare



Issue #133
is brought to you by

 
Film of the Week
 
Series of Unfortunate Events
by Michael Dare
 
Frank Series works for "Unfortunate Events," a subsidiary of the CIA who specialize in "suiciding" people who oppose the status quo. After Frank slips a drug into the cocktail of a U.S. Senator who plans on voting against subsidized strip mining in Yosemite National Park, the Senator's body is found in a gay brothel, dead of an apparent heart attack. The bill is passed and half-dome is leveled to supply Halliburton with enough bauxite to arm the SUVs of all Senators who voted for the bill. The ghosts of Gary Webb, Paul Wellstone, Margie Schoedinger, John Lennon, and John F. Kennedy Jr. form a League of Super-Zombies who wreak havoc on Capital Hill.
 
To Make a Dadaist Poem
by Tristan Tzara
 
Take a newspaper.
Take some scissors.
Choose from this paper an article the length you want to make your poem.
Cut out the article.
Next carefully cut out each of the words that make up this article and put them all in a bag.
Shake gently.
Next take out each cutting one after the other.
Copy conscientiously in the order in which they left the bag.
The poem will resemble you.
And there you are--an infinitely original author of charming sensibility, even though unappreciated by the vulgar herd.
 
Twenty-First (Century) Psalm
 
A fool is my shepherd. I shall not think. He maketh me to bog down in a quagmire. He leadeth me beside dirty water. He destroyeth my ozone. He leadeth me down paths to the extreme right, for his lobbyists' sake.

Yea, though I walk through relatively safe streets, I do fear evil (the threat level is orange), for thou hast scared me. My assault rifle comforteth me. Thou anointest my car with oil. My deficit runneth over. Thou preparest my table with fast food in the presence of my television.

Surely paranoia and resentment will follow me all the days of my life. And I will dwell in this Empire of Fools till I die, uninsured.
 
- Lawrence Swan in a letter to The Nation -
 
The Brain Monologues
 
 
 
 
 
Dear Mike,

 

I am a writer residing in Nigeria, West Africa. Sometimes last year, I wrote to you asking your advice on how to sell a screenplay to Hollywood studios. Your response was straight like bullet: "Don't try to be a little fish in the ocean of Hollywood; be a big fish in the Nigeria "small river" of film market!" That's all and that's been my watchword.

 

Today, I am very proud to announce to you that I am now employed as Head of Creative and Story Department of one of the most important TV/Film production company in Nigeria - Alphavision Multimedia Ltd - with all benefits and reasonable income. I hold you responsible for my success.

 

But now that I am a comfortable working writer with my company, is it still possible to throw some of my beautiful scripts, which I consider a little too sophisticated for the budget of my production company to companies out there? I'm thinking of starting it up by entering them for screenwriting contests in Hollywood, then follow them up from there. It seems there are a lot of them out there nowadays; one can't even differentiate between the wheat and the chaff.

 

Please do not hesitate to advice me. I always look up at you as a big brother!

 

Truly yours ,

 

Dawood SolaTunji

 
Dear Dawood,
 
A humble thank you for whatever part I may have played in your current situation. It sounds promising, and I urge you to take ruthless advantage of all the connections you can now make in your position.
 
You are on a road that can lead to Hollywood, but only if you play your cards right. You don't want to come here begging with a script in your hand because then you will be just another one of the thousands and thousands of others with just scripts in their hands.
 
Here's how you want to come to Hollywood.
 
You want to come as a guest of AFI-Fest or American Cinemateque or any of the dozens of International Film Festivals that show up annually in Los Angeles. Make THEM pay for the trip. You want them to present your picture, then host a question-and-answer session with the filmmakers and audience afterwards. You want media coverage. You want to hang out around the festival every second of every day, in the cafes, in the lobby, meeting people. You want people in Los Angeles to come up to YOU and say "Hey, I thought your film was great." If they ask "What do you want to do next?", pull out your script, your Hollywood script, the movie you REALLY want to make. Come with 100 copies and be prepared to give one to everyone you meet. Then, and only then, will you have the advantage you need to stand a chance.
 
The initial stumbling block in Hollywood is you have to prove yourself first or no one's interested. Prove you can do it in Nigeria before trying to do it here, where there are far too many simple mistakes you can make.
 
You are in a splendid position to accomplish this. Make a movie IN your homeland, ABOUT your homeland, something the rest of the world doesn't know about, something with passion and instinct, equally from the heart and mind, deadly serious but full of humor. Make a film that takes place now, which cuts WAY down on your production budget. No sets. No costumes. natural light. Show me life on the street. Assume that the American media has been lying to me about the REAL state of affairs in Nigeria and tell me about it. Make a film exposing Chevron and the oil fields. Go after the Fahrenheit 911 crowd (A film by Michael Moore. See it.) Then Hollywood will pay attention. A digital camera and editing system is down to less than $1,000. Listen to me. For a paltry sum, you can be a production company and make your own movies without Hollywood.
 
Flat broke? Borrow equipment. Use the editing machines at night when they're not using them. Who needs 20th Century Fox when you've got a camera and an editing system at your disposal? Make a thriller, an American spy working for Chevron fighting off eco-terrorists, an innocent family working in the fields - torn apart, David and Goliath in a world where the corporations always triumph and the only way to beat them is on your own terms, with a dynamite soundtrack of Nigerian music. It's already a movie I want to see. 
 
Trust me. You only regret the things you didn't do. Don't leave the employ of Alphavision Multimedia until you've learned all there is to learn there about film production. Then make the movie that needs to be made.
 
Invite me to the Hollywood premiere.
 
MD
 
Stoners of the Week
 
Almost 3/4 of senior citizens are for legal marijuana.
 
Good Shit
 
    "It took a 10 pound investment to build Mr. Ajibo's EcoSan, half of which was donated by WaterAid via Estamos in the form of cement and a plastic sheet. The remainder was Mr. Ajibo's contribution in the form of bamboo poles and traditional ropes he fetched from the bush to complete his latrine.
    "On completion of the EcoSan, all the human waste excreted into the pit latrine by his family and other villagers became properly managed resources that put the village on the road to sustainable food sufficiency and development. Diseases spawned by the stinking, fly-infested traditional latrines were consigned to the past.
    "Harnessing the latrine compost is a simple matter. Once a hand-dug latrine is filled and soil and ash are added, it is covered for up to eight months while the family moves on to the next pit.
    "During the composting process, harmful pathogens in the faeces die off due to lack of moisture. What remains is a rich humus which is used in the fields to boost food production."
- Basildon Peta: Appeal: The revolutionary human compost that has changed the face of farming in Mozambique -
 
Stupid Answers of the Week
 
 
How does A Whole New You end?
 
Only the life insurance company could maintain Ralph's memories from the time between the first memory dump and the first resurrection, if indeed he was initially resurrected with memories that were no more recent than a year prior to his death, as indicated. the life insurance company would be the only participant that could bring his memories (pre-first death) more current in subsequent resurrections, so the killer(s) must be the corrupt CEO or evil board of directors that run the insurance company. If his memory dumps included progressively more recent memories, then the life insurance company would be the only one in a position to secret the later memories at the time of the first resurrection. Memories between the first memory dump a year earlier and the first death, could not have been acquired at a time other than prior to the first death. The second resurrection included these "later" memories. The life insurance company was the only party in a position to manipulate these thoughts. They were the only ones with opportunity. 
- palantir -
 
How does the flawed female clone come into being? If he is resurrected after he dies, wouldn't the female clone have to die before he could be resurrected as the male himself? Or does she escape the clone factory by blowing the technician and then seducing the owner of the company who is also the chief of Homeland Security, and so they try to cover their mistake by cloning him again, this time as the correct version, but now the psycho hosebeast keeps killing him. Or is it that the company has decided to capitalize on its assets by producing memoryless female clones of white males and selling them as sex slaves to Japanese and Saudi Arabian businessmen, but for some reason this one retained the kernel of her memory?
- Jeff Crook -
 
Sentences where some words may be replaced by a geographical location...
 
He Scotland to grow crops if he wants to.
I can't Russia complicated job like this.
- Nick Kent -

Surprised to learn that they'd arrested Armstrong's cousin, the central services brownshirt exclaimed, "This St. Louis!!"
I'm sure Illinois you every time you read it.
You broke Iraq this time.
Iran to see the war machine's next big crime.
That insect was stuck in Greece.
My glee and enthusiasm with her pushed-up cleavage was brazil.
Not even aloe can kurdistan.
- palantir -
 
Bahrain again? Why is it so Chile?
Following my last run-in with Champagne, I vowed never again to Taiwan on.
Iran so fast, I passed Michael Jordan.
- Rita M -
 
Stupid Question of the Week
 
They find that Vioxx is harmful to a small percentage of users, so they ban it, totally fucking over the vast majority of users who find it useful. They find that tobacco is harmful to a vast majority of users, so they make them print a warning on the label. Now they find that Celebrex increases the risk of heart attacks and strokes, making it almost 10% as bad as tobacco. Will the government ban Celebrex, denying it to arthritis sufferers who need it and are willing to take the risk, or will they simply make them change the label? Is the tobacco industry that much more powerful than the pharmaceutical industry?
 
Stupider Question of the Week
 
Can you think of a euphemism that sounds dirty but isn't? Examples...
 
Wind surfing on Mount Baldy.
Rewiring the basement.
Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln.
Firing the surgeon general.
Servicing your engine.
Cleaning your gun.
Distributing your newsletter.
 
Send your answers to stupidquestion@disinfotainmenttoday.com.
 
Christmas Poem from Hell
 
You've no need to light a night-light
On a light night like tonight,
For a night-light's light's a slight light,
And tonight's a night that's light.
When a night's light, like tonight's light,
It is really not quite right
To light night-lights with their slight lights
On a light night like tonight.
 
- Tongue Twisters -
 
History Lesson from Hell
 
Check out this annotated list of important dates in the history of drug control in the United States.
Song of the Week
 
What Would I Do?
by Michael Dare
 
What would I do if I were me?
I'd open the curtains for all to see
I'd steady the ground while I shook the tree
'Cause that's what I'd do if I were me
 
What would I do if I were me?
Yale would give me a fake degree
I'd work for the Sacramento Bee
'Cause that's what I'd do if I were me
 
What would I do if I were you?
Hustle my ass to Timbuktu
Listen to Blink 182
'Cause that's what I'd do if I were you
 
What would you do if you were me?
Live to a hundred eighty-three
Teach an Iraqi to water-ski
Yep, that's what you'd do if you were me
 
What would you do if you were you?
Live to a hundred eighty-two
Take back the books that are overdue
Yep, that's what you'd do if you were you
 
What would we do if we were them?
Change all our nephew's names to Clem
Sign a new contract with MGM
Cause that's what we'd do if we were them
 
What would they do if they were us?
Never go anywhere on a bus
Use the occasion to scream and cuss
Yep, that's what they'd do if they were us
 
What would I do if I were me?
Move to the Mediterranean Sea
and tip my hat to the bourgeoisie
'Cause that's what I'd do if I were me
 
Never let anyone disagree
Never appear if I can't emcee
You've got my personal guaranteeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
That's what I'd do if I were me
 
Quiz of the Week
 
Our government has decided to require a special license to publish dissident authors from countries we don't like because:
  1. it's a courtesy to repress authors already repressed in their own countries.
  2. the First Amendment isn't really part of the Constitution per se, which is why they call it an amendment.
  3. if the word "dissident" doesn't set off a few alarm bells, you're still living in a pre 9/11 world. Wake up.
  4. nobody better suited to evaluate the potential danger of a book than a bureaucrat working for the Federal Office of Foreign Assets Control.
- Ironic Times -
 
Gallery of the Week
Horror of horrors, Anna Nicole Smith turns out to be a pretty good artist.
 
Sophistimicated Doowacky of the Week
 
Get out your magic runestones and play The Runic Game.
 
Satan Doesn't Want You to Know
 
To make your own ham just like HoneyBaked, use the following glaze...

1 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground clove
1/4 teaspoon paprika
dash ground ginger
dash ground allspice
 
Now all you need is a blowtorch.
 
Don't Take My Word For It
 
"Where it is a duty to worship the sun, it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat."
- John Morley -
 
"So many of us define ourselves by what we have, what we wear, what kind of house we live in and what kind of car we drive. If you think of yourself as the woman in the Cartier watch and the Hermes scarf, a house fire will destroy not only your possessions but yourself."
- Linda Henley -
 
"When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest."
- William Hazlitt -

"Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric."
- Bertrand Russell -
 
"Once we plunge into the inner space, we discover the source of enthusiasm, and we are re-energized. Therefore, it is important that we turn to our innermost reality - the inner Self, the true Self, because That is perfect, self-propelling, and self-luminous."
- Swami Muktananda -
 
    "Parental warnings are nearly inexhaustible in considering this film. Please do not be deceived by the light-hearted, cute trailers for this cartoon and take your kids to see it assuming it will be clean, innocent fun. Many parents would not find this material suitable viewing for children.
    "There is nudity throughout the movie. We view Patrick's bare buttocks during three scenes, and SpongeBob's once. At one point, Patrick surprises SpongeBob at a community gathering by swinging over the crowd, naked, holding a sign between his buttocks which bears a message to his friend. SpongeBob and Patrick are also shown in their underwear a few times. The underwear is drawn to look like men's fitted briefs.
    "These characters are not real, and are not even human, so many may choose to gloss over the animated nude scenes, though it sends a wrong message to children that it's okay to pull down one's pants for a laugh."
 
"In most states, 'possession' of a controlled substance is illegal but 'use' of the substance is not. Because of this, in these jurisdictions, there would need to be evidence of past possession before charges could be brought. This evidence could exist in the form of photographs, video, or the testimony of others, but even these might not lead to prosecution if the quantities were small and sales were not involved. As long as the individual is no longer in possession of illegal materials, past possession of small quantities of an illegal substance is unlikely to ever be prosecuted."
 
"It's my belief that most of Americans are in denial about factory farms in America. They don't want to know what's happening. They don't want to look, because they're not willing to give up meat. And it's my belief that once we can really have animal-compassionate alternatives where people can buy this product and know that the animal was well-treated during its lifetime, that then they'll be willing to look at what the factory farm is all about. I think when that happens, across the United States, there's going to be outrage about factory farms."
 
"I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.' 'I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.' 'Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!'"
 
"Surely the day will come when color means nothing more than the skin tone, when religion is seen uniquely as a way to speak one's soul; when birth places have the weight of a throw of the dice and all men are born free, when understanding breeds love and brotherhood."
- Josephine Baker -
 
"Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together."
- Vincent Van Gogh -
 
"They that have power to hurt and will do none,
That do not do the thing they most do show,
Who, moving others, are themselves as stone,
Unmoved, cold, and to temptation slow,
They rightly do inherit heaven's graces
And husband nature's riches from expense;
They are the lords and owners of their faces,
Others but stewards of their excellence."
- William Shakespeare: Sonnet XCIV -
 
    "Chevron, which has been condemned by some human rights activists over alleged atrocities committed in the volatile Nigerian oil fields, pursued a policy of extracting oil from the New Guinea Kutubu oil fields while taking pains to minimize effects on the surrounding jungle. The result, Diamond says, is the Kutubu field has become one of the world's best-protected wildlife preserves.
    "Diamond argues that to achieve similar ends environmentalists need to work with corporations, rather than constantly confront them. As a practical matter, he believes, corporations have more power than environmentalists and will forge ahead unencumbered unless convinced that eco-friendly development is in their financial interests. It is cheaper, Diamond says, to spend more money on environmental safeguards while drilling for oil than to repair degradation later a conclusion he believes Chevron has reached... To stop environmental degradation, which he says threatens human existence, society must convince the degraders that it is in their interest to change their behavior."
 
    "Sam Nunn. He's the defense secretary. Sam consults with Congress. Never acts arrogant or misleads them. He didn't banish the generals who challenged him - he promoted 'em. And, of course, he caught Osama back in '01. He threw 100,000 troops into Afghanistan on 9/11 and sealed the borders. Our Special Forces trapped the evildoer and his top lieutenants at Tora Bora. You weren't at that cabinet meeting the day after 9/11, so nobody suggested going after Saddam. No American troops died or were maimed in Iraq. No American soldiers tortured Iraqis in Abu Ghraib. No Iraqi explosives fell into the hands of terrorists. There's no office of disinformation to twist perception abroad. We're not on the cusp of an Iraq run by Muslim clerics tied to Iran. Here's Sam. He's with the chairman of the Joint Chiefs...
    "Sam never hired any of those wacko neocons. Wolfowitz is a woolly headed professor at the Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies, and a consultant to Ariel Sharon. Richard Perle was never in charge of the Defense Policy Board, so he was unable to enrich himself through government connections, or help Ahmad Chalabi con the administration. Perle stayed an honest man, running a chain of soufflé shops. His soufflés were so fluffy he became known as the Prince of Lightness. Doug Feith never worked here, either, so he never set up the Office of Special Plans to spin tall tales about W.M.D. and Qaeda ties to Saddam. And he never bungled the occupation because there was no occupation."
- Clarence the angel to Donald Rumsfeld seeing the world if he had never been born in Maureen Dowd's A Not So Wonderful Life -
 
"She said come look,
There's a wardrobe of love in my eyes
Take your time, look around,
And see if there's something your size."
- Warren Beatty in Ishtar (the under-rated film of the week) -
 
"After years of fact-finding and fighting against federal groups like the Drug Enforcement Agency, Doblin's association has seen small victories in recent years. Recently, MAPS launched a five-year, $5-million campaign to support research in the field of psychedelics. The aid is expected to fuel studies like that being undertaken by Francisco Moreno, a University of Arizona College of Medicine psychology professor, who asks whether psilocybin could be used as a therapeutic agent for those with OCD who fail to respond to standard treatments. Behind the study is whether psilocybin, and the activity caused by serotonin on some receptor sites, safely decreases the symptoms of OCD."
 
"Donald lived at Mr. Eisner's home for six months when he and Daisy Duck were separated. Donald had been having an affair with Petunia Pig, Porky's girlfriend. It was a no-no at Disney to socialize with creatures from a competing studio, but in Donald's case Mr. Eisner chose to look the other way, which upset the shareholders."
- Mickey Mouse's testimony in Surprise Rocks Disney Trial by Woody Allen -
 
"The really dangerous American fascist is the man who wants to do in the United States in an American way what Hitler did in Germany in a Prussian way. The American fascist would prefer not to use violence. His method is to poison the channels of public information. With a fascist the problem is never how best to present the truth to the public but how best to use the news to deceive the public into giving the fascist and his group more money or more power. They claim to be super-patriots, but they would destroy every liberty guaranteed by the Constitution. They demand free enterprise, but are the spokesmen for monopoly and vested interest. Their final objective toward which all their deceit is directed is to capture political power so that, using the power of the state and the power of the market simultaneously, they may keep the common man in eternal subjection."
- U.S. Vice President Henry Wallace: The New York Times on April 9, 1944 -
 
    "[I]t takes $2 billion, coming in every day, from outside the United States, to keep the U.S. dollar from collapsing--and it is collapsing!
Now, that money is beginning to dry up.
    "What they need the Social Security funds for now, is to try to put a stimulus into the financial market, through multiple--just to build up the market, the financial market: Because they know that very soon, there is going to be a real avalanche, that's going to hit the U.S. financial market. That's inevitable. They want to steal Social Security--they're going to steal all of it; not some of it. What they're talking about is the shoe in the front door, but they intend to put the whole foot in.
    "Once they get the first step, then you will see, as they did with the Iraq War, get the first step, get in there, and the whole thing comes.
We are now not just over an issue of welfare. We are fighting over a welfare issue. Just as the welfare issue was the issue, which was key in Europe when Mussolini and Hitler came to power: We're faced with a threat of dictatorship. And if we can not mobilize political resources, especially in the United States, to stop this thing now , we will have given up our Constitution and our rights. And when these guys come after us, they're going to come all the way: Because, they are faced with a broken-down system, and they're going to go for a dictatorship.
    "This nutty President is out to steal the Social Security of the American people. Not just a few poor people. We're talking about the majority of the American people will be looted by this thing--and many will be killed by it. When you combine this with the effect on the health care situation, people will be murdered, by this kind of policy.
- Lyndon LaRouche -
 
    "And here's the low point in this tale: After the CIA inspector general made public the second part of his investigation the one sparked by Webb which admitted to some links between the agency and Central American drug dealers, the L.A. Times chose not to publish a single story about the report. (No surprise here. Back in 1989, when a panel led by Senator John Kerry found similar CIA-drug-running links, the Times showed equal disinterest.)
    "In short, when it came to the Gary Webb series and its allegations, the L.A. Times wound up being more protective of the CIA than the CIA itself.
    "None of this explains why, in Webb's obit, Lelyveld and Hymon omit the on-the-record admissions by the CIA of its involvement with drug-connected Contras, an admission owed directly to Webb's work. Maybe, you say, the Times reporters are lazy and just didn't look beyond their own paper's archives. And because the Times didn't cover those admissions, Lelyveld and Hymon remain (eight years after the fact) in the dark."
- Marc Cooper: Kicking a Dead Man -
 
"So I ask, in my writing, What is real? Because unceasingly we are bombarded with pseudo-realities manufactured by very sophisticated people using very sophisticated electronic mechanisms. I do not distrust their motives; I distrust their power. They have a lot of it. And it is an astonishing power: that of creating whole universes, universes of the mind. I ought to know. I do the same thing. It is my job to create universes, as the basis of one novel after another. And I have to build them in such a way that they do not fall apart two days later. Or at least that is what my editors hope. However, I will reveal a secret to you: I like to build universes which do fall apart. I like to see them come unglued, and I like to see how the characters in the novels cope with this problem. I have a secret love of chaos. There should be more of it. Do not believe -- and I am dead serious when I say this -- do not assume that order and stability are always good, in a society or in a universe. The old, the ossified, must always give way to new life and the birth of new things. Before the new things can be born the old must perish. This is a dangerous realization, because it tells us that we must eventually part with much of what is familiar to us. And that hurts. But that is part of the script of life. Unless we can psychologically accommodate change, we ourselves begin to die, inwardly. What I am saying is that objects, customs, habits, and ways of life must perish so that the authentic human being can live. And it is the authentic human being who matters most, the viable, elastic organism which can bounce back, absorb, and deal with the new."
 
    "The origin of the Universe is unknown -- it is the ultimate mystery of this whole story. The laws of physics which applied in the beginning are not clear, so it is hard to guess where it might have come from. There are several theories of how the Universe began. This web site follows the inflationary theory of creation, which seems the most plausible.
We use the word Macrocosmos to mean "everything there is". We will see that the Cosmos and the Universe are just small parts of the Macrocosmos. So how could it have begun?
    "Perhaps it was created out of nothing. To us, used to the idea that energy cannot be created, this seems impossible, but even today we find two kinds of matter (matter and antimatter) being created together out of nothing in quantum fluctuations. What is more, gravitational energy is equal and opposite to the matter energy in a closed space. This means that starting from nothing gravity and matter might have separated to create the Macrocosmos.
    "The amounts of energy in the Macrocosmos were small. The inflation theory predicts the Universe began with only 25g of matter! However this matter was crammed into a very very tiny space, creating an extremely high energy density."
 
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
- Xarvon, Alien Investigator -

    "The United States is upping the pressure on four Latin American countries to sign bilateral deals exempting U.S. citizens from International Criminal Court jurisdiction or face losing millions in economic assistance.
    "Peru, Ecuador, Venezuela and Paraguay could be denied $24.5 million in aid unless they sign the immunity agreements, a move likely to stoke Latin America's distrust toward the Bush administration, diplomats and analysts say."
 
    "Let's start from the start: Inauguration Day.
    "On January 20th, 2005, we're calling for a new kind of action. The Bush administration has been successful at keeping protesters away from major events in the last few years by closing off areas around events and using questionable legal strategies to outlaw public dissent. We can use these obstacles to develop new tactics. On Inauguration day, we don't need banners, we don't need signs, we just need people.
    "We're calling on people to attend inauguration as they are: members of the public. Once through security and at the procession, at a given signal, we'll all turn our backs on Bush. A simple, clear and coherent message."
 
    "A 9-11 rescue worker recently came forward to say he was told by FBI agents to keep my mouth shut about one of the black boxes a fellow firefighter helped locate at ground zero, contradicting the official story that none of the flight and cockpit data recorders were ever recovered in the wreckage of the World Trade Center (WTC) towers.
    "Honorary firefighter Mike Bellone claims he was approached by unknown bureau agents a short time after he and his partner, Nicholas DeMasi, a retired New York firefighter, found three of the four black boxes among the WTC rubble before January 2002."
 
"If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day."
- Alex Noble -

"Whenever you advise a ruler...counsel him not to use force to conquer the universe, for this would only cause resistance... Never take advantage of power... Force is followed by loss of strength."
- Lao Tsu -
 
"A 2002 TIME/CNN poll found that 59 percent of Americans believe that the prophecies found in the Book of Revelation are going to come true. Nearly one-quarter think the Bible predicted the 9/11 attacks. Drive across the country with your radio tuned to the more than 1,600 Christian radio stations or in the motel turn some of the 250 Christian TV stations and you can hear some of this end-time gospel. And you will come to understand why people under the spell of such potent prophecies cannot be expected, as Grist puts it, 'to worry about the environment. Why care about the earth when the droughts, floods, famine and pestilence brought by ecological collapse are signs of the apocalypse foretold in the Bible? Why care about global climate change when you and yours will be rescued in the rapture? And why care about converting from oil to solar when the same God who performed the miracle of the loaves and fishes can whip up a few billion barrels of light crude with a word?'"
 
"The problem with being sure that God is on your side is that you can't change your mind, because God sure isn't going to change His."
- Roger Ebert -
 
"Pray, n. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single practitioner confessedly unworthy."
- Ambrose Bierce -
 
"A Christian nation, it almost goes without saying, would never invade another country under any circumstances, and would exhaust every peacemaking tool before going to war, if it ever went to war at all. Christians don't kill innocent bystanders, either, even accidentally, no matter how virulent the dictator who rules them, the idea being life under Caesar, however horrible, is preferable to death at the hands of a benevolent bringer of a liberty that you'll never live to enjoy."
- R.S. Janes -
 
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."
- Rich Cook -
 
"The things you refuse to meet today always come back at you later on, usually under circumstances which make the decision twice as difficult as it originally was."
- Eleanor Roosevelt -
 
"Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world - It is the opium of the people."
- Karl Marx -
 
    "1) Wander into the building, and quietly put a wireless access point on the same network segment as the Tabulation PC, maybe behind a copier somewhere, and then casually come in from across the street using a laptop and wireless card. We know they're connected by modems, so:
    "2) Find the telephone number of the office the PC is located in, and use a war-dialing program such as ToneLoc to dial all of the numbers in that exchange looking for a hanging modem. This technique was made famous by the 1983 movie Wargames and it still works today. These machines typically have hanging modems installed, so this should be a fairly easy way in.
    "3) Come in through the Internet. It is reported that many of these machines are connected to the Internet to enable results to be queried using Jresult to pull data from the central PCs. Windows PCs on the Internet are inherently vulnerable, particularly if they're not behind a firewall. Since a firewall would prevent the legitimate Jresult queries from being made, these machines are likely NOT firewalled and therefore at extreme risk for being compromised through their Internet connection."
 
    "For starters, as Army Spc. Thomas Wilson pointed out to the shockingly-still-in-office secretary of defense, our troops continue to have their lives put in jeopardy due to a lack of properly armored vehicles. Indeed, half of U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq might still be alive if these basic tools of a modern Army were available.
    "Let me repeat that: half of U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq might still be alive if only our troops had been properly equipped. What's more, one of the companies that makes the protective plates for the Humvees used in Iraq said last week that it could easily have increased its output if only the Pentagon had asked. Remember how often on the campaign trail the president trotted out his sure-fire applause line, promising, I'll make sure our troops have the best. They deserve the best? Maybe he was referring to the quality of their funerals."
 
"One of the remarkable things about Abu Ghraib is that it's been spectacular propaganda damage to the United States. It supplied a brand image for American repression: I'm talking about the hooded-man image, which now is recognizable all over the Middle East and the Islamic world as a symbol of the United States and the horrors it inflicts on Muslims. Osama bin Laden, had he gone to Madison Avenue and asked for an advertising image for jihad - even the best firm couldn't have come up with anything better than those images."
- Mark Danner: Torture and Truth -
 
    "Among activists and investigators looking into allegations of vote fraud in the 2004 Presidential election, the company always mentioned was Diebold and its suspicious electronic touch-screen voting machines. It is Diebold that has multiple avowed Republicans on its Board of Directors. It was Diebold that gave hundreds of thousands of dollars to Bush's election campaign. It was Diebold CEO Walden O'Dell who vowed to deliver Ohio's electoral votes to Bush. 
    "As it turns out, everyone was looking the wrong way. The company that requires immediate and penetrating scrutiny is Triad Systems. 
    "Triad is owned by a man named Tod Rapp, who has also donated money to both the Republican Party and the election campaign of George W. Bush. Triad manufactures punch-card voting systems, and also wrote the computer program that tallied the punch-card votes cast in 41 Ohio counties last November."
- William Rivers Pitt: Proof of Ohio Election Fraud Exposed -
 
    "A representative from Triad Systems came into a county board of elections office un-announced. He said he was just stopping by to see if they had any questions about the up-coming recount. He then headed into the back room where the Triad supplied Tabulator (a card reader and older PC with custom software) is kept. He told them there was a problem and the system had a bad battery and had 'lost all of its data'. He then took the computer apart and started swapping parts in and out of it and another 'spare' tower type PC also in the room. He may have had spare parts in his coat as one of the BOE people moved it and remarked as to how very heavy it was. He finally re-assembled everything and said it was working but to not turn it off. 
    "He then asked which precinct would be counted for the 3% recount test, and the one which had been selected as it had the right number of votes, was relayed to him. He then went back and did something else to the tabulator computer."
- Green Party candidate David Cobb testifying at a hearing held in Columbus, Ohio by Rep. John Conyers of the House Judiciary Committee -
 
    "One of the biggest changes in politics in my lifetime is that the delusional is no longer marginal. It has come in from the fringe, to sit in the seat of power in the oval office and in Congress. For the first time in our history, ideology and theology hold a monopoly of power in Washington. Theology asserts propositions that cannot be proven true; ideologues hold stoutly to a world view despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality. When ideology and theology couple, their offspring are not always bad but they are always blind. And there is the danger: voters and politicians alike, oblivious to the facts.
    "Today's Christian fundamentalist politicians are more politically savvy than Reagan's interior secretary was; you're unlikely to catch them overtly attributing public-policy decisions to private religious views. But their words and actions suggest that many share Watt's beliefs. Like him, many Christian fundamentalists feel that concern for the future of our planet is irrelevant, because it has no future. They believe we are living in the End Time, when the son of God will return, the righteous will enter heaven, and sinners will be condemned to eternal hellfire. They may also believe, along with millions of other Christian fundamentalists, that environmental destruction is not only to be disregarded but actually welcomed -- even hastened -- as a sign of the coming Apocalypse."
 
"All the lessons of history in four sentences:
Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad with power.
The mills of God grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly small.
The bee fertilizes the flower it robs.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars."
- Charles A. Beard -
 
"The authentic human being is one of us who instinctively knows what he should not do, and, in addition, he will balk at doing it. He will refuse to do it, even if this brings down dread consequences to him and to those whom he loves. This, to me, is the ultimately heroic trait of ordinary people; they say no to the tyrant and they calmly take the consequences of this resistance. Their deeds may be small, and almost always unnoticed, unmarked by history. Their names are not remembered, nor did these authentic humans expect their names to be remembered. I see their authenticity in an odd way: not in their willingness to perform great heroic deeds but in their quiet refusals. In essence, they cannot be compelled to be what they are not."

"Years ago I recognized my kinship with all living things, and I made up my mind that I was not one bit better than the meanest on the earth. I said then and I say now, that while there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; while there is a soul in prison, I am not free."
- Eugene V. Debs -

"This I believe: That the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual."
- John Steinbeck -
 
Everything Else
 
Everyone who thinks that the answer to the problem of millions of Americans without health insurance is to make it legally mandatory to have insurance, raise your hand.
 
If you were a judge, wouldn't YOU throw out the lawsuit questioning your own election?
 
After Laura Bush redecorated the White House for Christmas, Bill Clinton's portrait somehow ended up missing. Don't worry. Pappy Bush and Reagan are still up.
 
 
Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Freemasons - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Skull and Bones - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Carlyle Group - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Illuminati - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Satan - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact both houses of Congress - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact the Supreme Court - president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Dick Cheney - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Halliburton - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Saddam Hussein - vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Contact Osama bin Laden - thetwins@whitehouse.gov
Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Fidel Castro - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Kim Jong Il - eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int
Contact the Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact God - president@whitehouse.gov
 
 
Don't let this happen to you
Subscribe to dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY
 
Link to Disinfotainment Today with one of these tasteful banners.

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are here.
 
I can't believe you haven't already checked out Emulsional Problems.
Boo hoo
My speed laboratory exploded and I'm so tired.
Won't you please donate something to my Paypal account?
 


Acknowledgment

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.

Thanks,
Miss Tickriver
 
 
 
Special Christmas Item for Those Who Made it to the Bottom of the Page
.
 
 
 
 

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'TBH Politoons'

Click Here!



Thanks, again, Tim!

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Cory!! Strode On Graphic Novels

Star Trek


Most of the time, when I write up my reviews, I try to pick comics for people who don't read comic books. I try to find the best of the stuff that is available so that people who wouldn't think to buy it might give it a chance. This is not one of those reviews.

In the 50's and 60's, every popular TV show or movie had a comic book series attached to it. Most of these were just adaptations or a quick knockoff story using the characters to try and generate some quick sales. The comic companies had people whose job it was to write and draw these books as fast as they could, not much worrying about how closely they stuck to the source material, since the prevailing attitude was that comics were read mostly by children.

One of these series was about Star Trek. The first series may not have been a smash ratings success when it started, but Science Fiction TV usually sold well as a comic book (the Twilight Zone comic lasted long after the show was canceled), so a Star Trek comic was quickly shoved out on the market. It lasted until the late 70's, and is not held is high esteem by Star Trek fans, but Checker Books has decided to reprint those old 60's and 70's comics in hopes that Anything Star Trek Will Sell.

Volume one recently arrived at my comic shop, and while I had heard the comic was bad, nothing prepared me for what arrived. One of the things that made Star Trek interesting was that it was unlike most other SF series on TV and followed the Twilight Zone method of doing social commentary in a SF format. The comic has none of that. Oh, sure, Spoke, Kirk and McCoy are in the comic, but they act so out of character it is jarring to try to read it. Stories are recycled old pulp SF stories, or worse, old comic book SF stories with the Star Trek characters grafted into them. The art is muddy, poorly done, and shows an utter lack of interest by the artist as backgrounds change from panel to panel. Many character shots are copied from still photos, so you get the same head shots over and over again.

Plus, if you are a Star Trek fan, the inconsistencies with the series will cause you to toss the comic across the room in frustration as fire belches from the back of the Enterprise to propel it through space, the Enterprise lands and takes off from planets, and Spock is treated as if he is a robot in some stories, and a pissed of warrior in others.

I would imagine if you are obsessive and HAVE to own everything related to Star Trek, you'd buy this, put it on a shelf and hope it goes up in value, but even as a causal Star Trek fan, it was impossible to struggle through the stories reprinted in this book. Avoid it, or give it to someone you don't like for Giftmas.


Cory!! Strode (The Best Dressed Man In Comics) has written comic books, novels, jokes for comedians, Op Ed columns, the on-line comic strip www.Asylumon5thstreet.com and has all kinds of things on his website www.solitairerose.com

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Subscribe to BartCop!

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Weekkly Link

Sick Of This Crap!

 Ready for the holidays? Have you already worn out the batteries of RoboSapien "testing" it out for little Jimmy? Well, keep looking the other way, 'cause there's nothing of interest going on in the political space, global wise. Nope, nuttin' to see. Just move along.

This week's issue includes:
  * What's So Funny 'bout Democracy?
  * Social Security - What's up with that, Anyway?
  * Time Cries, and You Are There

Join us won't you join us? We're just a click away....

Sick Of This Crap!


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Recommended Reading

from Bruce

 Kevin Drum: Political Animal  (Dec. 20)
WINNING FRIENDS AND INFLUENCING PEOPLE....So what does India think of George Bush's America? Tim Dunlop says that a congressional delegation visiting India got an earful recently.


Jim Hightower: DECLARE ECONOMIC INDEPENDENCE
One of the greatest music joints in my town of Austin, Texas--or anywhere else--was Liberty Lunch, which regularly featured up-and-coming local musicians, as well as such national talents as Taj Mahal. This bar, cafe, and music yard was inexpensive, adventuresome, laid-back, unique, and...well, it was Austin. I say "was," because it's gone.


John de Graaf: Time for Bread and Roses
  * 163 of 168 countries guarantee paid leave for mothers in connection with childbirth. 45 countries offer such leave to fathers. The U.S. does neither.
  * 139 countries guarantee paid sick leave. The U.S. does not.
  * 96 countries guarantee paid annual (vacation) leave. The U.S. does not.
  * 84 countries have laws that fix a maximum limit on the workweek. The U.S. does not.
  * 37 countries guarantee parents paid time off when children are sick. The U.S. does not.


David Bruce: Christmas (Humor)
After serving a conviction on a narcotics charge, jazz singer Billie Holiday got out of prison on March 16, 1948. She immediately began to rehearse with pianist Bobby Tucker for a show at Carnegie Hall, staying at his mother's house. When she entered the house for the first time, she started weeping because Mr. Tucker's mother had kept her Christmas tree up and lit it for her although the holiday season was long past.


Lie Girls: Excellent Flash Movie (Adult Political Satire)


Website of the star of "Billy Jack"

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Tim Beasley's Celebrity Stars

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THE CHURCHS' STEEPLE

POINTS CROOKEDLY TO THE HEAVENS

NO SALVATION


Zen Man
(in Ferndale)

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Selected Readings

from that Mad Cat, JD

IF THE FOO SHITS

OH BEAUTIFUL FOR SPECIOUS LIES

A MAPLE LEAF FOR CHIMP BOY

FASCISM ON THE MARCH

GRAVITY IS A MYTH, THE EARTH SUCKS

BRING BACK THE LIONS

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In The Chaos Household

Last Night

 Sunny & warm.

The kid slept in & enjoyed a day off.



Tonight, Tuesday:

CBS begins the night with a FRESH 'Amazing Race 6', followed by a FRESH, but pre-taped 'special' - 'The 27th Annual Kennedy Center Honors' where oddly, democrats are saluted.
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Dennis Quaid, NASCAR auto racing star Rusty Wallace, and the Calling.
Scheduled on a FRESH 'Craiggers' with guest host Darryl "Chill" Mitchell are Wendie Malick, Hill Harper, and Natasha Leggero.

NBC starts the night with a FRESH 'The Biggest Loser' ('A Look Back Special'), followed by a FRESH 'Father Of The Pride', then a RERUN 'Scrubs', followed by a RERUN 'Law & Order: Special Victims Unit'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Leno are Dustin Hoffman, Virginia Madsen, and Bebe Winans.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan are Jeff Goldblum, Joy Behar, and Nellie McKay.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Jennifer Connelly, Tom Welling, and David Banner.

ABC opens the night with a RERUN 'My Wife & Kids', followed by a RERUN 'George Lopez', then a RERUN 'Jim', followed by a RERUN 'Rodney', then a FRESH .
On a RERUN Jimmy Kimmel (from 12/6/04) are Michael Moore, Larry the Cable Guy, and Crossfade.

The WB ofers a RERUN 'Gilmore Girls', followed by a FRESH 'High School Reunion'.

Faux has a FRESH 'The Rebel Billionaire: Branson's Quest For The Best', followed by a FRESH 'House'.

UPN has a RERUN 'All Of Us', followed by a RERUN 'Eve', then a RERUN 'Veronica Mars'.

A&E has 'American Justice', 'Biography' (Tatum O'Neal), 'Cold Case Files', 'Dog The Bounty Hunter', and another 'Dog The Bounty Hunter'.

AMC offers the movie 'Hannie Caulder', followed by the movie 'Two Mules For Sister Sara', then the movie 'A Big Hand For The Little Lady'.

BBC  -   
 [2pm]    'As Time Goes By' - Episode 2;
 [3:20pm]    'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 2;
 [4pm]    'The Saint' - The Portrait of Brenda;
 [5pm]    'The Weakest Link' - Episode 79;
 [6pm]    'BBC World News';
 [6:30pm]    'Cash in the Attic - Tredwen;
 [7pm]    'Bargain Hunt' - Wetherby 19;
 [7:30pm]    'What Not to Wear' - Julie Nicholson;
 [8pm]    'Cash in the Attic' - Episode 6;
 [9pm]    'Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares' - Walnut Tree;
 [10pm]    'Faking It' - News Stand Owner to Showbiz Reporter;
 [11pm]    'Cash in the Attic' - Episode 6;
 [12am]    'Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares' - Walnut Tree;
 [1am]    'Faking It' - News Stand Owner to Showbiz Reporter;
 [2am]    'Bargain Hunt' - Wetherby 19;
 [2:30am]    'What Not to Wear' - Julie Nicholson;
 [3am]    'Cash in the Attic' - Episode 6;
 [4am]    'Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares' - Walnut Tree;
 [5am]    'Faking It' - News Stand Owner to Showbiz Reporter;
 [6am]    'BBC World News'.    (ALL TIMES EST)

Bravo has 'West Wing', followed by the movie 'Silverado' (not the Neilsie Bush story).

Comedy Central has 'Strangers With Candy', 'MAD TV', a FRESH 'Reel Comedy', 'Crank Yankers', 'Reno 911!', 'South Park', 'Chappelle's Show', and a FRESH 'Crank Yankers'.
Jon Stewart is pre-empted.

History has 'Modern Marvels', 'Wild West Tech', another 'Modern Marvels', and yet another 'Modern Marvels'.

IFC  -   
 [6AM]    'Southie' (1998);
 [7:45AM]    'Character' (1997);
 [10AM]    'Three Tales' (2002);
 [11:15AM]    'Home Movie' (2002);
 [12:30PM]    'My Life So Far' (1999);
 [2:15PM]    'God Said, "Ha!"' (1998);
 [4PM]    'The Wages Of Fear' (1953);
 [6:15PM]    'My Life So Far' (1999);
 [8PM]    'The Ultimate Film Fanatic #3' (Mid-Atlantic) (2004);
 [8:30PM]    'The Ultimate Film Fanatic #1' (West Coast) (2004);
 [9PM]    'Love and Death on Long Island' (1997);
 [10:30PM]    'Henry's Film Corner' (2004);
 [11PM]    'Million Dollar Hotel' (2000);
 [1:05AM]    'Curse Of The Starving Class' (1994);
 [2:45AM]    'Love and Death on Long Island' (1997);
 [4:30AM]    'Chop Socky' (2004);
 [5:30AM]    'IFC 10th Year Anniversary Special' (2004).    (ALL TIMES EST)

SciFi has 'UFO Invasion At Rendlesham', 'The Roswell Crash: Startling New Evidence', and 'Rosewll: The Aliens Attack'.

Sundance  -   
 [7:05AM]    'Held Hostage in Colombia' (Documentary);
 [8AM]    'Shorts Program 108' (Short);
 [9AM]    'Holi-days' (Documentary);
 [10AM]    'The Hired Hand' (Feature);
 [11:30AM]    'This Charming Man' (Der Er En Yndig Mand) (Feature);
 [12PM]    'Funny Ha Ha' (Feature);
 [1:30PM]    'Automatic Kalashnikov' (Documentary);
 [3PM]    'At Five in the Afternoon' (Feature);
 [4:45PM]    'The Brainwashers' (Les Ramoneurs Cerebraux) (Short);
 [5PM]    'The Hired Hand' (Feature);
 [6:35PM]    'Divorce, Iranian Style' (Documentary);
 [8PM]    'Anatomy of a Scene: The Singing Detective' (Original Production);
 [8:30PM]    'Funny Ha Ha' (Feature);
 [10PM]    'Diamond Men' (Feature);
 [11:45PM]    'Zulu 9' (Feature);
 [12AM]    'La Repetition' (Feature);
 [1:35AM]    'Paul Monette: The Brink of Summer's End' (Documentary);
 [3:05AM]    'Dust' (Feature);
 [5:15AM]    'At Five in the Afternoon' (Feature).    (ALL TIMES EST)

TCM pays tribute to director George Stevens all night.
 [7am]    'Navy Blue And Gold' (1937);
 [8:45am]    'Speed' (1936);
 [10am]    'All Fall Down' (1962);
 [12pm]    'The Train' (1964);
 [2:30pm]    'Northwest Rangers' (1942);
 [4pm]    'Flight To Hong Kong' (1956);
 [5:30pm]    'Crime Of Passion' (1957);
 [7pm]    'Barbara Stanwyck: Fire and Desire' (1991);
 [8pm]    'The Diary of Anne Frank' (1959);
 [11pm]    'The Greatest Story Ever Told' (1965);
 [2:30am]    'George Stevens: From D-Day to Berlin' (1994);
 [3:30am]    'Woman Of The Year' (1942);
 [5:30am]    'Swing Time' (1936)    (ALL TIMES EST)


Wednesday  -  12/22

TCM:
 [7:15am]    'Bachelor Bait' (1934);
 [8:30am]    'The Nitwits' (1935);
 [10am]    'Gunga Din' (1939);
 [12pm]    'The Honeymoon Machine' (1961);
 [1:30pm]    'Imitation General' (1958);
 [3:15pm]    'The Hound Of The Baskervilles' (1959);
 [4:45pm]    'Behave Yourself' (1951);
 [6:15pm]    'Courage Of Lassie' (1946);
 [8pm]    'Yours, Mine And Ours' (1968);
 [10pm]    'Parenthood' (1989);
 [12:15am]    'A Christmas Story' (1983);
 [2am]    'Father Of The Bride' (1950);
 [4am]    'Bundle Of Joy' (1956).    (ALL TIMES EST)



Any opinions?

Or reviews?


(See below for addresses)

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In this picture released by Old Vic Productions, Sir Ian McKellen, right, one of Britain's leading classical actors appears as Widow Twankey, and Sam Kelly as Emperor during the Old Vic production of the pantomime 'Aladdin' in London, Saturday Dec. 18 2004 . The show was called off Friday Dec. 17, because of technical problems, with management promising refunds or alternative bookings where possible for disappointed theatregoers.
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Click Here!

Moose & Squirrel - The Blog

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Asbury Park Benefit Concerts

Bruce Springsteen

 Bruce Springsteen performed two sold-out benefit concerts at a downtown tavern, raising about $100,000 US for local charities, and urged fans to support Asbury Park, which is emerging from decades of decline. "So please tell all your friends to come down," Springsteen said before singing Run Rudolph Run.

The holiday benefits have become a tradition for Springsteen, a Freehold, N.J., native who now lives in Rumson. Like Asbury Park, all the towns are in Monmouth County.

This year's edition was held in a club-like setting, Harry's Roadhouse, which held about 500 people for each show. Prior holiday benefits have been at a 3,000-seat oceanside venue, Convention Hall. Tickets, at $100 each, sold out almost immediately.

Bruce Springsteen

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Snowglobes with winter and Viennese motifs are displayed at the workshop of craftsman Erwin Perzy, in Vienna, on Monday, Dec. 6, 2004. Perzy says he now sells 300,000 of the globes worldwide.
Photo by Hans Punz
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Caribbean Relief Charity Auction

MTV

 A poster signed by Jennifer Lopez and a guitar signed by Wyclef Jean are on sale in an MTV internet auction to raise money for hurricane victims.

Other items include a poster signed by Britney Spears and tickets to "The Daily Show" with Jon Stewart.

Last week, the U.N. World Food Program released a music video by the 32-year-old hip-hop star to help Haitian victims of floods and rising political violence. Jean also has set up the charity Yele Haiti to help his impoverished homeland.

MTV

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bartcook

In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

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Creating New Music School

Roberta Flack

 R&B singer Roberta Flack plans to transform two abandoned brownstones in Harlem into a school of music to be opened next fall.

The 126th Street facility will offer free liberal arts classes for talented students, Flack told the New York Post in Monday editions. It will house a permanent faculty of teachers, classrooms, a recording studio, an auditorium and performance cafe.

Flack has already secured a $1 million investment from Carver Federal Savings Bank and is seeking an additional $2 million in donations and private investments.

Roberta Flack

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Lalo Guerrero, 87, plays his guitar at his home in Cathedral City, Calif., Nov. 11, 2004. When Guerrero picks up a guitar and begins to sing, first in Spanish and then in English, there's no doubt one is in the presence of the father of Chicano music.
Photo by Damian Dovarganes
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Bad Sex Is Ironic"

Tom Wolfe

 Novelist and social critic Tom Wolfe admits some of the sex scenes in his new book "I am Charlotte Simmons" are tasteless but he didn't expect to win a prize for the worst sex in fiction.

Britain's Literary Review announced last week Wolfe had won the year's most dreaded literary accolade -- the Bad Sex Award -- but the 74-year-old author made clear that his sex scenes were meant to be more ironic than erotic.

"There's an old saying -- 'You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her sing.' In this case, you can lead an English literary wannabe to irony but you can't make him get it," Wolfe said in an interview on Monday.

"Slither slither slither slither went the tongue," one of his winning sentences begins, describing the first significant sexual encounter of the heroine, a naive country girl, with an arrogant and popular frat boy at a prestigious university.

It continues: "But the hand, that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological (ears, nose and throat) caverns -- oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest -- no, the hand was cupping her entire right - Now!"

Wolfe defended the passage picked out for the prize as an honest description of the feelings of a hesitant virgin when first experiencing "tonsil hockey."

Tom Wolfe

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pissed
(formerly 'The Vidiot')

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Sues NYC Over Arrest Warrant

Wesley Snipes

 Actor Wesley Snipes sued New York City on Monday charging that it has no jurisdiction to arrest him as part of an Indiana paternity case.

The suit, filed in Manhattan federal court, seeks a court ruling invalidating an arrest warrant issued by a New York family court judge. The Manhattan judge took the action on an interstate paternity petition filed in Indiana by a woman who says the tough-talking action star fathered her young son.

In his suit, Snipes charges that the woman is a mentally ill former crack addict who has made other claims to be the mother of many children of celebrities. He said that the woman began having delusions about him after watching the movie Blade.

The suit also names LaPorte County, Indiana, as a defendant.

Wesley Snipes

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Japanese Buddhists chant slogans as they call for a stop to the war in Iraq outside the prime minister's official residence in Tokyo December 20, 2004. The Buddhists assembled in protest against Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi's decision to extend the deployment of Japanese troops to Iraq.
Photo by Noboru Hashimoto
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Charged by SEC

Disney

 U.S. market regulators charged Walt Disney Co. on Monday with failing to disclose a web of relationships between the entertainment giant and some of its directors and their family members.

Amid continued turmoil in Disney's boardroom, the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission said the Burbank, California-based company agreed to a cease-and-desist order pledging not to violate disclosure rules in the future.

No monetary penalty was imposed in the case in which the SEC accused Disney of failing to tell investors that, between 1999 and 2001, it employed three adult children of directors.

The SEC said Disney did not disclose that a 50-percent-owned unit employed the wife of Disney director John Bryson and that she earned more than $1 million a year.

Additionally, it said, Disney failed to tell investors about a long-term business relationship with Air Shamrock, an airplane company that was owned by Roy Disney and run by Gold.

Disney

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Dozens of people named Focker from across North America gathered for the first-ever 'Focker Family Reunion' this weekend at Universal Orlando Resort's Islands of Adventure theme park in Orlando, Florida, December 18, 2004. The event was tied to this week's opening of the new feature film, 'Meet the Fockers', and gave real the Fockers the chance to meet one another and experience the theme park.
Photo by Sheri Lowen
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Rapper Charged in Vibe Fight

Young Buck

 The rapper Young Buck was charged Monday with assault with a deadly weapon for allegedly stabbing a man during a chair-tossing melee at the Vibe Awards last month.

The rapper, whose given name is David Darnell Brown, was accused in a complaint of stabbing Jimmy James Johnson in retaliation after Johnson allegedly punched Brown's mentor, Dr. Dre, during the taping of the show on Nov. 15.

The attack set off a brawl that spread through the crowd. Police issued an arrest warrant for Brown, 23, after authorities identified him on a videotape recorded during the awards show.

Young Buck

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The U.S. Coast Guard icebreaker Neah Bay is framed by ice covered trees along the shore of Lake Erie as a flock of ducks fly overhead Monday, Dec. 20, 2004. The day before the official start of winter brought brisk winds and sub-freezing temperatures following a snowstorm that dumped up to a foot of snow on parts of northeast Ohio.
PHoto by Mark Duncan
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Artist Collects To Create Work

'I Wish Your Wish'

 "I wish that life was simpler." "I wish democracy was real." "I wish I was drinking a margarita in my favorite bar in Mexico."

Brazilian artist Rivane Neuenschwander has become intimately familiar with people around the world and the things they yearn, thanks to an artwork she created called "I Wish Your Wish." It's showing publicly for the first time in the United States as part of her new show at the St. Louis Art Museum.

Neuenschwander was inspired to create the work - stretching along three walls of a gallery with thousands of brightly colored ribbons printed lengthwise with people's wishes_ by a tradition at the church of Nosso Senhor do Bonfim in Sao Salvador. There, visitors choose a ribbon that they tie with three knots as they make three wishes. They then tie the ribbon to their wrist, and when the ribbon falls off, according to tradition, their wishes are granted.

"You don't pray. You just ask. It's very pragmatic," Neuenschwander said.

'I Wish Your Wish'

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Butch, a 20-year-old male Orangutan covers himself with a burlap blanket at Miami's Metrozoo, Monday, Dec. 20, 2004. As part of Metrozoo's normal preparations for cold weather, they provide burlap blankets to the great apes as well as heating pads and lamps in their nighthouses.
Photo by Ron Magill
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