The Three Most Inappropriate Uses of the Presidential Seal
#3
#2
And the #1 Inappropriate Use of the Presidential Seal
BTW: The Onion not only didn't take down the graphic but responded with this.
Similarly
According to How to make money on your news content website, "The most popular ad network for independent publishers is Google's AdSense program. AdSense is a 'pay per click' (PPC) program, where you earn money each time one of your readers clicks on a Google-served ad. Since you earn money on clicks, rather than completed sales, PPC ad networks can provide a more reliable source of income for sites whose readers are not looking to make a purchase right away."
So I signed up only to be rejected because they said my logo represented copyright infringement. Very interesting. Google says they own a typeface and it can't be satirized so I can't use their service. Oh well, who needs to make money anyway.
Hypocrisy of the Week
Dubya Pretending to Care About Rosa Parks
If Bush had been president when Rosa Parks did her thing, he would have made sure she was prosecuted to the full extent of the law, just like he's done with everyone currently doing what she did. He's pretending he respects her while consistantly showing total disdain for the entire concept of civil disobedience. Reverend Alan Boesak said, "We give credibility to unjust laws by obeying them," and that's exactly what Rosa Parks did. She refused to give credibility to an unjust law. Does anyone truly believe that Bush is behind THAT concept? If so, they're a beacon to gullible idiots everywhere. When's the last time Dubya GOT on a bus, much less a bus to Martin Luther King's promised land, with equality for all and justice not just for the priviledged.
The most important lesson Rosa Parks taught us is that breaking the law for a greater good is not only acceptable but mandatory in certain situations. It's not a big leap from sitting at the front of the bus to smoking a joint on the beach. Okay, maybe it IS a big leap, but take it I shall. Both show total disregard for a bad law, and I maintain that both actions deserve the same respect. The current war against drugs is as heinous as the war against blacks, and any time I hear about someone getting busted for any amount of any drug, I not only wish they had gotten away with it, I want them to stand up like Rosa Parks and declare that it was an act of civil disobedience.
"Yeah, right, they're not practicing civil disobedience," some will quibble, "they just want to get high," sounding as ridiculous as someone saying "Yeah, right, Rosa Parks wasn't practicing civil disobedience, she just wanted to sit at the front of the bus." Rosa's point was that on a public bus, anyone should be able to sit where they please, and drug users and dealers should also be making the point that anyone should be able to ingest what they please, but they're either too stoned to make the point or rightfully afraid of a punishment that doesn't fit the crime.
In the current state of our legal system, jury nullification, or putting the law on trial instead of the accused, is an illegal defense, making all acts of civil disobedience illegal from the get-go. You can't even argue that you commited the crime to point out the law was unjust. This administration proudly displays her body in the Capital while actively preventing anyone from following in her footsteps.
Three things need to happen. The FDA has to be swept free of corruption, all drugs, including those currently illegal, need to be put under their jurisdiction, and the DEA needs to be abolished completely. All are impossible without an entirely new congress of unbribable people with conscience, so what are we supposed to do, just sit back and let them arrest us for our chosen source of amusement, happily getting wasted on booze in public bars while keeping our pot smoking under wraps? I've mentioned before my disdain for the medical marijuana movement because I don't think you should have to prove you have cancer to fire one up, any more than you should have to prove you have a headache to take an aspirin or prove you're depressed to take a shot of Scotch. But you take what you can get. Sick people getting their medicine takes priority over everyone's right to catch a buzz before watching Seinfeld, but I still insist that one of the whole points of growing up is no longer needing a mommy and daddy to tell you what to consume. We should all be allowed to make our own mistakes. That's what being an adult is all about.
Without fair elections or civil disobedience on a grand scale, what chance is there to change things?
Most Inappropriate Use of Tom Delay's Head
Harriet Miers and the History of Premature Withdrawal
It's well known that if Harriet Miers' father had practiced premature withdrawal, this whole article would have a different title. So where did she get it from, this idea of withdrawing prematurely? Now that daddy's little crony has become the preeminant spokesmodel for premature withdrawal, it's time to take a closer look at this practice that has effected millions, and figure out what sort of message Harriet Miers is sending to our children. Is she saying that premature withdrawal is a good thing? After all, premature withdrawal of funds from an IRA account causes severe penalties, just as premature withdrawal from Vietnam would have caused the whole world to turn communist, and premature withdrawal from Iraq would cause a sudden drop in oil revenues from record profits to near record profits.
Harriet Miers has never married and has no kids. A lot of people are claiming that the very fact she has no kids is proof she's been practicing premature withdrawal for decades, while others say she's a lesbian, in which case, like I said, how did she learn about premature withdrawal in the first place? (Lesbians, help me out here.)
These and other questions remain unanswered at this time, but Disinfotainment Today is...
Management apologizes for the fact that the rest of this article has been prematurely withdrawn. We really don't know the point this article was trying to make, and at this point, we don't care.
History Lesson from Hell
Despotism, a 1946 film from the Encyclopaedia Britannica, "Measures how a society ranks on a spectrum stretching from democracy to despotism. Explains how societies and nations can be measured by the degree that power is concentrated and respect for the individual is restricted. Where does your community, state and nation stand on these scales?" Accurately predicts our current slide into fascism. Like one viewer says, "These guys must have had a crystal ball. A very, VERY timely bit of film. Hardly dated. It could be remade today with exact same script. Just change the haircuts, clothing and use color film."
Most Inappropriate Use of Valerie Plame's Head
Answers to Last Week's Embarassingly Stupid Question.
While desperately grasping at the last remaining shreds of my sanity, I was heard to gasp: "Is it the stupidest day of your life when you try and try and try to write a stupid question but you just can't come up with one?
Answers:
You sound you have ingested too much lead, Michael
- Bill Moses
yes
- Eliot Hall
Micheal,
Just call me, call me anytime. I love hearing my name, Dean Koontz, Dean Koontz, Dean Koontz. I have never had writer's block in my entire career and as I am soooo fucking successful I must know what I'm talking about. Only morons like Henry Miller, Herman Melville, Dalton Trumbo, and that fag Celine have such bouts with non-creative constipative thought because they just don't understand the strained pea's pablum theory of the Gerber School of pasturized placebos. Mass production is the key to clean living and higher intellect. Just ask the housewives that devour my every word....ummmmm the Dean, the Dean the Dean, I get a woody whenever I think about it! Gotta go and get some lubricant I''m fresh out.
- Swoosied Koontz
I think you'd drop dead if something positive happened in your life.
- E.
Stupidity overdose.
- jkingwriter
Not compared to the stupidity of those answering it.
- Locke
I came up with one, after racking my brain for many minutes:
"5. Recipe of the Week: Amerikneidlach (No goyem will ever get this joke.)"
Why doesn't Michael Dare explain these jokes for the benefit of the pinheaded goys and corn-fed shiksas in fly-over country?
I won't include my stupid answer this time; you're on your own.
- RSJ
Asimov's 3 Laws of Alien Behavior: 1) Their survival will be more important than our survival. 2) Wimps don't become top dogs. 3) They will assume that the first two laws apply to us.
Cheers,
- Charles Watkins
A drowning man shouldn't grab a bag of bricks.
- Dean Featherstone
no the stupidest day would be finding the answer to that question
- Johnny Iguanna
Mike mate
Duh, No! You cant know when the stupidest days are happening, its only in retrospect that you can say, whoa! Record low-point stupidity! Like when you wake up realizing that everyone in the country thinks differently to you about something that you have been shooting your mouth of about for months! Or even the left-wing sites that you write to don't want to hear from you anymore because you're too off topic.
How about waking up cringing because you realize youre asset free, jobless, have been limping along financially for most of your life while you indulged yourself in an artistic pursuit that nobody gives a fuck about anymore, and that you have to move soon but have nowhere to go, and nobody wants you to move in with them.
No, stupidity is retrospective, probably so that we dont have so many Doh moments that we throw ourselves under the next passing bus, which would probably contain some of our enemies who could stand by saying Yes I knew he was stupid and a failure, but I didnt know he was such a coward, while youre being scraped up off the road
- Waldo
A prime example of buck passing. It is the stupidest day of YOUR life because YOU can't think of a stupid question. My life is just silly.
- Doris V. Berry
WHY WOULD JESUS GIVE A FUCK?
IS A STUPID PRESIDENT BETTER THAN A HORNY PRESIDENT?
IN A WORLD OF SHIT WHY DOES HALLIBURTON ALWAYS GET THE CONTRACT FOR TOILET PAPER?
- JD
Stupid Question of the Week
I just caught a TV ad for the new DVD of Titanic which said it includes an alternate ending. This of course, conjurs up images of "Whew, Captain, good thing we missed that iceberg." What are some other alternate endings for Titanic?
"Insiders say that if Karl Rove resigns, President Bush will not function effectively. Wait a minute, all this time he's been functioning effectively?"
- David Letterman -
"Vice President Cheney is aggressively pursuing an initiative that may be unprecedented for an elected official of the executive branch: He is proposing that Congress legally authorize human rights abuses by Americans. 'Cruel, inhuman and degrading' treatment of prisoners is banned by an international treaty negotiated by the Reagan administration and ratified by the United States. The State Department annually issues a report criticizing other governments for violating it. Now Mr. Cheney is asking Congress to approve legal language that would allow the CIA to commit such abuses against foreign prisoners it is holding abroad. In other words, this vice president has become an open advocate of torture.
"His position is not just some abstract defense of presidential power. The CIA is holding an unknown number of prisoners in secret detention centers abroad. In violation of the Geneva Conventions, it has refused to register those detainees with the International Red Cross or to allow visits by its inspectors. Its prisoners have 'disappeared,' like the victims of some dictatorships. The Justice Department and the White House are known to have approved harsh interrogation techniques for some of these people, including 'waterboarding,' or simulated drowning; mock execution; and the deliberate withholding of pain medication. CIA personnel have been implicated in the deaths during interrogation of at least four Afghan and Iraqi detainees. Official investigations have indicated that some aberrant practices by Army personnel in Iraq originated with the CIA. Yet no CIA personnel have been held accountable for this record, and there has never been a public report on the agency's performance."
"National Guard units returning from overseas operations have left equipment, such as radios and trucks, for follow-on forces, according to David M. Walker, Comptroller General of the United States, who testified before the House of Representatives Committee on Government Reform on 20 October. The Army National Guard estimates that its units left over 64,000 items valued at over $1.2 billion overseas. However, the Army cannot account for over half of these items and does not have a plan to replace them, as Defense Department policy requires. Nondeployed Guard units now have only about one-third of the equipment they need for their overseas missions, which hampers their ability to prepare for future missions and conduct domestic operations."
"Fishing for a good time starts with throwing in a line."
- Tom Waits -
"The number one illness in North America today is Depression. And the number one cause for Depression today is stress. And the number one cause of stress today in people is the frustration of trying to control events that are not in our control. In order to find our way in life we have to lose stress. My suggestions is to go Teflon not Velcro. Let the stress that others lay on you, or you lay on yourself, slide off like two fried eggs in a well-greased pan. People who are stuck on themselves get stuck in themselves. There is no quicksand like ego. Get stuck in it and you're sunk. Ego, ergo, I go."
- Noah benShea -
"[W]hat they were covering up was much more than the outing of Valerie Plame. They were covering up the way the White House had used lies and deception to lead us into a war that was reckless and unnecessary - what Lt. Gen. William Odom, National Security Agency director under Reagan, has called 'the greatest strategic disaster in United States history.'
"The reason why Cheney, Rove, and Libby were so aggressive in attacking anyone who questioned their rationale for war is because, by the summer of 2003, it was becoming embarrassingly clear how wrong they had been about Iraq - wrong about WMD, wrong about flowers thrown at our feet, wrong about the cost of the war. Had their incompetence not been so grotesquely manifest, there would have been no need for the attack on Wilson - and the resulting coverup - that has now landed them all in such legal hot water.
"If Rove and Libby are indeed indicted (adding Cheney to our Merry Fitz-mas gift list would just be getting greedy), I believe it will shake up our government in a way we haven't seen since Watergate.
"To borrow a phrase from that era, let me make myself perfectly clear: I'm not saying that Plamegate is the same as Watergate. I'm saying it's worse. Much, much worse. No one died as a result of Watergate, but 2,000 American soldiers have now been killed and thousands more wounded to rid the world of an imminent threat that wasn't.
"Conspiracies to defraud usually begin with a goal that is not in and of itself illegal. In this instance the goal was to invade Iraq. It is possible that the Bush team thought this goal was laudable and likely to succeed. It's also possible that they never formally agreed to defraud the public in order to attain it. But when they chose to overcome anticipated or actual opposition to their plan by concealing information and lying, they began a conspiracy to defraud - because, as juries are instructed, 'no amount of belief in the ultimate success of a scheme will justify baseless, false or reckless misstatements.'
"From the fall of 2001 to at least March 2003, the following officials, and others, made hundreds of false assertions in speeches, on television, at the United Nations, to foreign leaders and to Congress: President Bush, Vice President Cheney, Press Secretary Ari Fleischer, National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of State Colin Powell, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and his Under Secretary, Paul Wolfowitz. Their statements were remarkably consistent and consistently false.
"Even worse, these falsehoods were made against an overarching deception: that Iraq was involved in the 9/11 attacks. If Administration officials never quite said there was a link, they conveyed the message brilliantly by mentioning 9/11 and Iraq together incessantly -- just as beer commercials depict guys drinking beer with gorgeous women to imply a link between beer drinking and attractive women that is equally nonexistent. Beer commercials might be innocuous, but a deceptive ad campaign from the Oval Office is not, especially one designed to sell a war in which 2,000 Americans and tens of thousands of Iraqis have died, and that has cost this country more than $200 billion so far and stirred up worldwide enmity."
"And then there's this remarkable story in Bellaciao, developing the Michael Ledeen ties to the Niger forgery discussed here a year ago last August and again last July, which traces the caper back as early as January 2001...
'At night, between the first and second of the January 2001, a mysterious thief came to the embassy of Niger in Rome and into the residence of the counselor in charge. It turned out that some letterhead and seals (see photocopy) were missing. A second dossier on Niger-Iraq trade soon came into [SISMI asset Rocco] Martinos hands, one that included references to uranium trafficking. Martino claims he got it from embassy personnel and that he thought it was authentic.'
"January 2001. That is, nine months before 9/11, it would seem the Niger forgery was already in motion."
"wikiphobia: fear of all people's opinions given equal weight."
- Clyde's Dictionary -
"Kofi Annan, Coming to a Computer Near You! The Internet's long run as a global cyberzone of freedom - where governments take a 'hands off' approach - is in jeopardy. Preparing for next month's U.N.-sponsored World Summit on the Information Society (or WSIS) in Tunisia, the European Union and others are moving aggressively to set the stage for an as-yet unspecified U.N. body to assert control over Internet operations and policies now largely under the purview of the U.S. In recent meetings, for an example, an EU spokesman asserted that no single country should have final authority over this 'global resource.'"
"Joseph and Lamoy Andressohn are a couple who are trying to change things and to provide a higher quality of life for their children. Through the challenges of the dietary discipline that they face every day they are paving the way for a better future for everyone. And yet they peacefully and with humility accept the consequences of their courage; the ultimate extremepunishment that society has dealt them. I can think of no greater torture than to have my children taken from me. When I look at the peace and love in Lamoy's beautiful face I am moved to tears. The picture on the rawfriends website was taken in the midst of all this tragedy! Surely she is a highly evolved human being. I have been helping to spread the word about the website where the Andressohns' story can be read. And several people have asked me the same question, which I will answer here. Some articles reported that the baby who died was only 7 lbs. at 5 months. People have been asking me why this didn't alert the parents that something was wrong. First of all their were four different birth weights recorded, one of them showing 13 lbs., another showing 7 kilograms (which is roughly the same). However baby Wohyah was born with a birth defect and had no thymus gland. Babies with this condition sometimes die before they are two months old. It is a testament to the raw vegan diet and the spirit of the Andressohns that Wohyah was blessedwith 5 months to experience the love of his parents and siblings before taking leaving of this plane.
"Many other facts have been left out of the Andressohns' story online for the sake of brevity. I learned these in my conversation with Steven Gibb. For instance out of 60 friends of the Andressohns who were called to the stand, 58 of them had nothing but good things to say. Only two people gave negative comments. One was that the Andressohns exercised with their kids in the hot sun; a "crime" most of us are surely guilty of every summer. And the other was a neighbor who said that the children had refused candy when offered, and had said that it was bad for you when questioned why...
"The fundamentalists, by 'knowing' the answers before they start, and then forcing nature into the straitjacket of their discredited preconceptions, lie outside the domain of science - or of any honest intellectual inquiry."
- Stephen Jay Gould -
"Sometimes Israel means Israel, sometimes Zionist means Zionist. But sometimes it means something else. We need to know this, we need to become sensitive to the sometimes encrypted message, if we are to meet and defeat the true enemy. Because in every instance, Nazi means Nazi."
"There is excellent reason to believe that the Department of Defense is deliberately not reporting a significant number of the dead in Iraq. We have received copies of manifests from the MATS that show far more bodies shipped into Dover AFP than are reported officially. The educated rumor is that the actual death toll is in excess of 7,000. U.S. Military Personnel who died in German hospitals or en route to German hospitals have not previously been counted. They total about 6,210 as of 1 January, 2005. The ongoing, underreporting of the dead in Iraq, is not accurate. The DoD is deliberately reducing the figures. A review of many foreign news sites show that actual deaths are far higher than the newly reduced ones."
"The real human cost, of course, is far greater than 2,000. It includes the 198 members of the 'coalition of the willing' who have died, almost 300 private contractors, 73 journalists, the 15,220 Americans who have been wounded, and the invisible dead from what the Guardian's Julian Borger called the 'extraordinarily high number of accidents, suicides and other non-combat deaths in the ranks that have gone largely unreported in the media.'
"And then there's the sad fact that those deceased Americans and allies are a fraction of the number of Iraqi dead.
"Extrapolating from a study of post-traumatic stress disorder published in the New England Journal of Medicine, 41,000 U.S. marines and army troops reported that they believed they had killed at least one Iraqi civilian in the 15 months following the 2003 invasion.
"Estimates of Iraqi troops killed during the invasion range from 5,000 to as many as 45,000 projected by the Guardian. General Tommy Franks guessed it was 30,000.
"While we're supposed to consider these "bad guys" and ignore their deaths, the majority were young men trying to escape poverty in a country with an unemployment rate as high as 70 percent during the sanctions regime.
"The real human toll includes, too, the estimated 3,450 Iraqi police and security forces who have been killed in what is already a low-grade civil war. And according to Iraq Body Count, a website that gathers media accounts of civilian deaths, between 26,000 and 30,000 Iraqi civilians have died from coalition actions through Monday.
But even those totals are dwarfed by the number of dead -- by some estimates over a million -- caused by the U.N sanctions that started with Bush I, and continued under President Bill Clinton, whose Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright, once described the effects of the sanctions on Iraq's children as 'worth it.'"
"The most remarkable aspect of my father's skills as a parent can be illustrated by the most powerful of all my memories of him. In all the years of his concern, tutelage and care I cannot recall hearing one mean-spirited or soul-crushing criticism, and I never witnessed his hand raised in anger regardless of provocation. This by no means reflected the purity of my youthful character, but rather my fathers forbearance and patience with fools. He was a man of mature years who had not forgotten one detail of the confusing struggles of his own boyhood, and tailored his parenting skills accordingly. In short, I received from my father as much as any son has a right to expect, and much more by some standards. It would appear to me that only a deeply disturbed father would want to see his progeny fail at anything in life. It is in the nature of most fathers to fervently yearn for their children's success in everything. It appears to represent one of the imperative bonding codes necessary between fathers and children, especially if an offspring shows a particular interest or inherent skill in his father's trade or profession."
"Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd arrested porn site owner Chris Wilson, of Lakeland, Fla., on 300 obscenity-related charges on Oct. 7. Wilson's site, NowThatsFuckedUp.com also has offered soldiers free access to pornography in exchange for gory images of dead Iraqis."
"CORRECTION: We mistakenly quoted Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison calling for accountability from top White House aides Libby and Rove by saying, 'Something needs to be said that is a clear message that the rule of law is intact and the standards for perjury and obstruction of justice are not gray.' In fact, when Senator Hutchison made the remarks, she was calling for accountability from President Clinton in 1999. More recently, in regard to accountability for Libby and Rove, she referred to perjury as a 'technicality.' We regret any confusion caused by our error."
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form, preferably parchment. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.
Bob Fitrakis & Harvey Wasserman: Powerful Government Accountability Office report confirms key 2004 stolen election findings (freepress.org)
Election officials in Mahoning County now concede that at least 18 machines visibly transferred votes for Kerry to Bush. Voters who pushed Kerry's name saw Bush's name light up, again and again, all day long. Officials claim the problems were quickly solved, but sworn statements and affidavits say otherwise. They confirm similar problems in Franklin County (Columbus). Kerry's margins in both counties were suspiciously low.
Bonnie Hobbs: Chris Craddock Comments Elicit Both Outrage, Denials (connectionnewspapers.com)
At the center of a firestorm this week is Chris Craddock, the Republican candidate running for state delegate in the 67th District, after comments made last week to a Westfield High AP government class about both gays and sex in Africa. Some students were so incensed by what they heard that they contacted Centre View because, although they're too young to vote, they wanted the general public to know how they felt.
MICHAEL SHINAFELT: Interview with Margaret Cho, comedian and author of "I Have Chosen to Stay and Fight" (frontierspublishing.com)
What else can we do other than stay with it and try to keep going? We are living in a difficult time. It's interesting to see the country waking up to how bad the government is. This whole thing with hurricane Katrina, [for example]. It's intense. A lot of people didn't know they lived in a country with a racist, classist, awful government, and now they are kind of seeing it. There is always something, whether it be about Hurricane Katrina, gay marriage, the war. Staying and fighting is the only choice.
ALEXANDER CHO: Interview with George Takei (frontierspublishing.com)
Arnold Schwarzenegger is like some of those duplicitous Southern politicians who would say one thing and yet maintain segregation in the South. And that's what he's doing here. He's a dangerous politician, in the same way that Strom Thurmond or other politicians who say one thing in order to try to curry a broad base of support, and then when push comes to shove, they act in a segregationist way. You know, that's what Arnold Schwarzenegger is. When he first was mouthing the words he was mouthing I thought, "Hmmm, alright, let's see." And then this bill was passed, which was landmark, and it hung on him. And he failed utterly.
Sarah Warn: George Takei Comes Out (afterelton.com)
George Takei, better known as Mr. Sulu from three seasons (and six movies) of the hit TV series Star Trek, has casually come out in a new interview with Frontiers magazine. "Brad's my partner, we've been together for 18 years," Takei tells Frontiers. "I've been 'open,' but I have not talked to the press."
Sarah Warn: WNBA Star Sheryl Swoopes Comes Out (afterellen.com)
But she is also insistent that her marriage didn't end because she was gay. "In college I was never with a woman," she said in a new interview with People magazine. "I had a boyfriend, and the thought of it never crossed my mind. I always had gay friends and we were cool. We hung out. But I didn't think about women that way. My marriage was beautiful, but we were both young, and we both grew up and went our separate ways. I tried to make it work, but I wasn't happy anymore."
So if you're elderly, disabled, poor, or for some other reason don't drive/have access to a car, here are a few hundred other locations you can't travel to or from.
Sad. As the prophet St. Grelle correctly notes, "The way you keep people down is limit their ability to mobilate."
-FH
Thanks, Farley!
So much for leaving the driving to them.
In case you missed it amid the commotion over White House indictments, Iraq death tolls and wacky Supreme Court nominations, President Bush on Friday took a revolutionary new approach to getting a laugh.
Speaking in Norfolk, Virginia on the war against terror -- you know, the one those Iraqis launched against us when they Pearl Harbored the World Trade Center -- the Commander-in-Chief who posed in a military flightsuit in the short-fiction classic "Mission Accomplished" invoked the name of the Father of All Presidents, George Washington.
Not that any leftover candy will go to waist waste.
New flag - Netherlands Antilles
Tonight, Tuesday:
CBS begins the night with a FRESH'NCI', followed by a FRESH'Amazing Race: Family Edition', then a FRESH'Close To Home'.
Scheduled on a FRESHDave (from 9/19/05) are Martha Stewart, Gretchen Wilson, and Buckwheat Zydeco.
Scheduled on a FRESHCraig are Maria Bartiromo and Jamie Kaler.
NBC starts the night with a FRESH'Biggest Loser', followed by a FRESH'My Name Is Earl', then a FRESH'The Office', followed by a FRESH'Law & Order: Special Victims Unit'.
Scheduled on a FRESHLeno are Jimmy Smits and Lisa Marie Presley.
Scheduled on a FRESHConan are Brian Williams, Susie Essman, and Neil Young.
Scheduled on a FRESHCarson Daly are Jason Schwartzman and Mike Jones.
ABC opens the night with a FRESH'Jim', followed by a FRESH'Rodney', then a FRESH'Commander In Chief', followed by a FRESH'Boston Legal'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJimmy Kimmel are Molly Sims, Harland Williams, and Forty Deuce burlesque dancers.
The WB offers a RERUN'Gilmore Girls', followed by a RERUN'Supernatural'.
Faux has a FRESH'Bones', followed by a FRESH'House'.
UPN has a RERUN'America's Next Top Model', followed by a RERUN'Everybody Hates Chris', then another RERUN'Everybody Hates Chris'.
A&E has 'American Justice', 'Cold Case Files', 'Dog The Bounty Hunter', another 'Dog The Bounty Hunter', and the SERIES PREMIERE'Random 1'.
AMC offers the movie 'Firefox', followed by the movie 'Clear & Present Danger', then the movie 'K-19: The Widowmaker'.
BBC -
[2pm] 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' - Whicker's World;
[6:00 pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'House Invaders' - Connock;
[7pm] 'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 47;
[10pm] 'Teen Angels' - Teen Angels;
[11pm] 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' - Whicker's World;
[3am] 'Red Cap' - Ep. 1 H-Hour;
[4am] 'Red Cap' - Ep. 2 Crush;
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'West Wing', 'Happy Days Reunion', and 'Celebrity Poker Showdown'.
Comedy Central has 'Beavis & Butthead', 'Comedy Central Presents', last night's 'Jon Stewart', last night's 'Colbert Report', 'Mind Of Mencia', 'South Park', 'Chappelle's Show', and last week's 'Showbiz Show With David Spade'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJon Stewart is Sen. Barbara Boxer.
Scheduled on a FRESHColbert Report is Ken Burns.
Scheduled on a FRESHAdam Carolla are Lisa Lampanelli.
History has 'Modern Marvels', 'Wild West Tech', followed by a FRESH'Shootout!', then a FRESH'Man Moment Machine'.
IFC -
[6AM] The Sweet Hereafter (1997);
[8AM] The Chateau (2001);
[9:45AM] Invincible (2001);
[12PM] The Journey (1997);
[1:45PM] IFC November Short Film Showcase (2005);
[2:45PM] Invincible (2001);
[5PM] The Red Violin (1998);
[7:15PM] Naked In New York (1993);
[9PM] The Cat's Meow (2001);
[11PM] Hopeless Pictures #2 (2005);
[11:15PM] Greg the Bunny: "Martian Serum 7 From Mars" (2005);
[11:30PM] The Festival #5 (2005);
[12AM] Hopeless Pictures #1 (2005);
[12:30AM] Greg the Bunny: "Sex, Button Eyes and a Video Ape" (2005);
[12:40AM] The Festival #4 (2005);
[1AM] The Cat's Meow (2001);
[3AM] Hopeless Pictures #2 (2005);
[3:15AM] Greg the Bunny: "Martian Serum 7 From Mars" (2005);
[3:30AM] The Festival #5 (2005);
[4AM] Hopeless Pictures #1 (2005);
[4:30AM] Greg the Bunny: "Sex, Button Eyes and a Video Ape" (2005);
[4:40AM] The Festival #4 (2005);
[5:00AM] IFC November Short Film Showcase (2005). (ALL TIMES EST)
SciFi has the movie 'Mission To Mars', followed by the movie 'Red Planet'.
Sundance -
[6:05AM] Career Girls;
[7:35AM] Unconstitutional: The War on Our Civil Liberties;
[8:45AM] Small Faces;
[10:45AM] A Letter to True;
[12:05PM] Borstal Boy;
[1:45PM] Once Around;
[3:45PM] Unconstitutional: The War on Our Civil Liberties;
[5PM] Career Girls;
[6:30PM] Institute Benjamenta;
[8:15PM] Doppelganger;
[8:30PM] I Am NOT an ANIMAL: My Fair Mare;
[9PM] TransGeneration: Episode 7;
[9:30PM] Borstal Boy;
[11PM] TransGeneration: Episode 7;
[11:30PM] Going All The Way;
[1:15AM] Once Around;
[3:10AM] Crazy;
[4:50AM] Wilbur (Wants to Kill Himself). (ALL TIMES EST)
This undated promotional photo provided by Sony Pictures Television shows Aaron McGruder, creator and executive producer for 'The Boondocks,' a new animated series on Adult Swim, Cartoon Network's late-night sister network featuring animation for adults. The series follows the adventures of McGruder's junior revolutionary Huey Freeman and his hip-hop obsessed younger brother, Riley, who live in a white, middle-class suburb with their cantankerous grandfather. The TV series version of his popular comic strip 'The Boondocks,' premieres Sunday. Nov. 6,2005.
Photo by Kyle Christy
Aaron McGruder has been called a "genius" and "the angriest black man in America" as he skewered everything from the Bush White House to Black Entertainment Television.
Even Rosa Parks almost took a hit in the new TV version of McGruder's popular comic strip, "The Boondocks. After the civil rights icon died Oct. 24, McGruder deleted references to Parks from a scene that showed her scuffling with fans of alleged child pornographer R. Kelly.
But the fact that Parks was included in the first place demonstrates that McGruder's show, which premieres Sunday at 11 p.m. EDT on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, will retain the edge that has periodically gotten the strip pulled from newspapers.
While the series won't tackle current events (the 15-episode order took 18 months to complete), it's certainly not lacking in irreverence. In one show, Granddad starts dating a younger woman, oblivious to the fact that she's a prostitute, which leads to a discussion between Huey and Riley on whether all women are "hoes."
The tomb of the voodoo queen Marie Laveaux is decorated as a passerby walks through the Saint Lewis Number One Cemetery in New Orleans, La., Sunday, Oct. 30 , 2005. Local voodoo practitioners were displaced by Hurricane Katrina, in this city rich in voodoo culture. Laveaux, who once lived in New Orleans, is one of the most famous and powerful voodoo queens in the world.
Photo by Gerry Broome
Comedy Central is throwing its support behind comedian Carlos Mencia through a multifaceted deal that will see his comedy series "Mind of Mencia" officially renewed for a second season. Also as part of the deal, Mencia will shoot a one-hour stand-up special for the cable network and host a live-performance tour in more than 30 U.S. markets next year under the Comedy Central Live banner.
In addition, Comedy Central Home Entertainment is planning to release an uncensored DVD of the show's first season that will include bonus material such as deleted scenes, outtakes and never-before-seen backstage "diary" footage. The DVD will be released in conjunction with the show's second season, set to premiere in March with a 13-episode order.
"Mencia" -- featuring Mencia opining on such topics as ethnic stereotypes, race relations, immigration, war and capitalism -- premiered July 6, taking over the slot previously occupied by "Chappelle's Show."
British movie fans have voted Mickey Rourke "man of the year" for his portrayal of the swaggering down-on-his-luck Marv in "Sin City."
"Batman Begins," the most recent adventure of the comic superhero starring Christian Bale in the title role, was voted top film of 2005.
The movie fought off competition from "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith" to land the No. 1 spot in the poll of 15,000 film fans by Total Film magazine. The poll was released Sunday.
Scottish actor Ian McDiarmid, who played Supreme Chancellor Palpatine in "Revenge of the Sith," was named best movie villain; 11-year-old Dakota Fanning was named best child actor for her role in Steven Spielberg's "War of the Worlds"; and the nut-eating squirrels in Tim Burton's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" were named best movie animal.
A sculpture by Italian artist Vince Vozzo is photographed by a visitor to a Sydney park where the works of over 100 artists will be on display in the annual 'Sculpture by the Sea' exhibition, Monday, Oct. 31, 2005. Artists from overseas and Australia are exhibiting their work in the natural setting over one of Australia's most famous beaches, Bondi Beach in this the exhibition's ninth year.
Photo by Mark Baker
Comedian Howie Mandel is headed back to NBC, this time as host of the game show "Deal or No Deal."
"Deal" was described as "a big, exciting game show that contains nail-biting drama and hefty cash prizes" when NBC announced the pickup of the show earlier this year. The show has been a hit internationally, airing in 38 countries.
"Deal" is set to begin production this week, though no airdate has been set, an NBC spokeswoman said.
The producer fired for her role in the discredited CBS News report about resident Bush's military service believes that CBS was more interested in protecting itself than finding out the truth behind her story.
In an excerpt from her upcoming book, Mary Mapes wrote that "no one was happier" than executives at CBS owner Viacom to receive an independent panel's condemnation of her and three colleagues for their role in the September 2004 story on "60 Minutes II."
Mapes contended that CBS and Viacom, which actively lobby in Washington on media ownership and decency standards, did not want an angry Bush administration making vindictive decisions that would cost them money.
"What in the world would Edward R. Murrow think of his network now?" she asked.
Mongolian acrobats perform a contortionist art at the Tenth China Wuqiao International Acrobatics Festival held at Hebei Art Center in Shijiazhuang, north China's Hebei province, October 30, 2005. Wuqiao in Hebei province is a place that has a long history of circus and acrobatics. About 300 acrobats from 16 countries joined in the festival that runs from October 29 to November 6, sources said.
The rise and fall of the historic Kinzua Viaduct in McKean County has been captured in a new documentary, "Tracks Across the Sky," that is now available on the Department of Conservation and Natural Resources' web site.
"The Kinzua's tragic fate captured nationwide attention in 2003 when a tornado toppled this revered historic structure, once the world's highest and longest railroad bridge in the world," DCNR Secretary Michael DiBerardinis said. "This widely acclaimed video chronicles the challenges of its builders in the late 1880s, the destructive wrath of the tornado and an ongoing commitment to see its remains and surrounding state park restored to prominence as a major tourist attraction in the Route 6 corridor."
Visitors to Kinzua Bridge State Park, off Route 6 near Mount Jewett, also can view "Tracks Across the Sky" at the temporary visitors center, and DCNR officials say the film likely will be an integral feature of the park's future interpretative efforts and development. Web viewers are invited to visit DCNR's site: (select "State Parks," then "Kinzua State Park").
The new Web site FamilyMediaGuide.com surveyed 100 of the most popular horror movies produced since 1975. It found more than 1,700 violent acts, with nearly a quarter of those involved victims being impaled.
The most violent film was 2003's "Freddy vs. Jason," with 167 violent acts, according to the site. Steven Spielberg's 1975 film "Jaws" came in a surprising second, largely because of the number of times the great white shark chomped into its victims.
Oddly enough, the "Halloween" films didn't receive a mention.
A Western Rueppell's vulture looks for the goodies inside a Halloween pumpkin at the San Diego Zoo's Wild Animal Park October 28, 2005.
Photo by Tammy Spratt
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