BartCop Entertainment Archives - Tuesday, 12 July, 2005

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Issue #160
is brought to you by

The Cross Dressers of America

Mr. Conspiracy Rides Again

Of course we all know that Islamic terrorists were behind the London bombings despite the fact that not one shred of evidence has emerged that connects them to the slaughter other than a phone call and a website posting that could have been anybody. The knees of the media have jerked and the public has jerked along with them. "Of course it was Islamic terrorists," I hear you shout. Who else could it be? Glad you asked.

Theory #1) Publicity Stunt. It happened the same day as a meeting of the Group of Eight, so obviously if you're against the Group of Eight, you're with the terrorists. But they'd never attack their own people just to advance their global hegemony, would they? Nah, it must be Islamic terrorists who hate the Kinks.

Theory #2) Revenge. England invaded Iraq against international law. Could it simply be Iraqi freedom fighters attacking their enemy in a standard act of retaliation for aggression against their homeland? Nah, it must be Islamic terrorists who hate Masterpiece Theatre.

Theory #3) Debating point. George W. Bush said we're fighting them there so we don't have to fight them here. Depending upon your definition of the word "here," somebody might just want to prove Bush's theory is poppycock. Nah, it must be Islamic terrorists who hate spotted dick.

Theory #4) Maybe it was me just so I could use "cock" and "dick" in the same theory. Nah, it must be Islamic terrorists who hate the first amendment.

Theory #5) It wasn't a terrorist attack, it was a "controlled demolition." Explosives were clearly placed where the bombs went off.

Theory #6) It was the airline industry, still reeling from the events of 9/11, showing people that trains and buses really aren't that safe either. Come fly again!

Theory #7) If the air conditioning industry controlled the weather, we'd have record breaking heat to promote sales. When the arms industry is in charge of governments around the world, we have terrorist attacks to promote sales.

Theory #8) It was the cellphone industry who expect sales to boom after shots from picture phones made the network news.

Theory #9) The ghost of John Lennon took over the minds of several Liverpudlians and forced them to do his bidding out of outrage that Yoko has released so many of his outtakes.

Theory #10) This guy did it.

If I May Be So Bold

LA Times First Paragraph

"The bombings in London last week may mark the first strike by Osama bin Laden's terrorist network on a city that had already served as a catalyst and crossroads for Al Qaeda operatives involved in plots targeting the United States and other nations."

LA Times Eighth Paragraph

"And investigators are increasingly focused on a theory that the strikes were the work of a homegrown terrorist cell that, at the least, was inspired by Al Qaeda."

LA Times Ninth Paragraph

"British authorities disclosed Saturday that the three subway bombs went off within seconds of one another, suggesting a level of sophistication and coordination that has become a hallmark of Al Qaeda's attacks."

LA Times Eighteenth Paragraph

"British counter-terrorism officials say the number of Al Qaeda sympathizers exceeds 10,000."

Might I point out that sympathizing with people who blow themselves up doesn't make you one of them, you can agree with someone's cause without agreeing with their tactics, and Britain has a simple choice: keep Iraq as an enemy and spend billions more on security and defense that obviously doesn't work or lose Iraq as an enemy and save billions on security and defense by simple withdrawing their troops.

Want to know what you're really like? Forget psychoanalysis and use the face analyzer.

The Origin of the Solar System

Hey, I'm as curious about the inside of comets and how they relate to the origins of the solar system as the next guy, but someone's got to explain to me how blowing up a little piece of a comet is going to answer that question, especially when you consider all the other ways they could have spent $333 million to answer the same question.

1) Give 333 of the world's most highly evolved people a million dollars and tell them to think about it.

2) Give 333,000,000 of the world's most ordinary people one dollar and tell them to think about it.

Print all the answers in a mandatory textbook for all children called "Origins of the Solar System" and tell them to think about it.

Might I point out that we'll never know? It's impossible. All we can do is look at the evidence and guess. Everything is feasible, big bangs and conscious design, but how can we ever be certain about something that occurred before our species ever existed? Can't happen. Ever. Nobody saw it. All we've got is second-hand testimony from people who don't really know any more than we do. They're just guessing. Some guesses are more reasonable than others, but so what. Why are we fighting about something that nobody can be certain about? Since no one can ever be proven right, the argument is pointless.

It's amazing how many of the really big questions, the ones that are endlessly debated, the ones that people can get killed over, are completely meaningless in our actual lives. If the universe was created with a big bang, I'm making breakfast and getting my kids to brush their teeth. If God created the universe, I'm making breakfast and getting my kids to brush their teeth. All this endless speculation is fueled by people who want to be the spokesman for God, so if God doesn't exist, they're just ranting. They know God exists because if God doesn't exist, they're reduced to ordinary people with no more insight into the origins of the universe than the rest of us poor souls trapped on earth. It doesn't matter if you need God to give your life meaning. What matters is that your life HAVE meaning, and that meaning can derive from numerous sources, all personal, having nothing to do with the outside world. Nobody can give your life meaning but you.

I've met evolved people, people who were literally further up the evolutionary ladder than the rest of us, showing us the way, giving a glimpse of what mankind can and will be - given time. Ask such a person a question and they will deliver an answer that doesn't come from anything they've "learned," but from somewhere beyond. You can see that such people don't even know themselves what they're going to say. They're tapping into something you can't see or feel, and you get to bask in the knowledge from somewhere else.

Sometimes I feel like I'm one of them, a channel for something else, just a receiver with limited playback facilities, absolutely without control of what I'm going to say or do next, facing it without fear, knowing I'm harmless, that given total freedom to do whatever I want, I still won't do anything bad, beyond the law, totally incapable of deliberately harming another human being, I can let myself go, experience true freedom, something only you can give yourself.

Thinkers never stop thinking. Suckers glom onto theories and think they're free from critical thought about issues that never can be and never will be settled.

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires."

- Susan B. Anthony 1896 -

"I don't care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it."

- William S. Burroughs -

Dueling Quotes

"The e-mails surrendered by Time Inc., which are largely between Cooper and his editors, show that one of Cooper's sources was White House deputy chief of staff Karl Rove, according to two lawyers who asked not to be identified because they are representing witnesses sympathetic to the White House."
- Newsweek -

"Those individuals - I talked - I spoke with those individuals, as I pointed out, and those individuals assured me they were not involved in this. And that's where it stands."
- White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan responding to a question about whether Karl Rove disclosed any classified information regarding the leak of an undercover CIA agent -

Stupid Answers of the Week

Last week's question...

What is in the Money Pit?

Geraldo Rivera's Vault

- Pentimental

Don't believe it. The physical evidence in favor of what you show in your diagram -- oak platforms, stone tablet, sheet of iron, parchment - (and its provenance, verifiability, and documentation) is something to sneeze at. It could be pure mythology cooked up over the years by promoters who wanted to attract investors to their various attempts. There are going to be plenty of stories about an island where people have been digging for treasure for 200 years.

The geology has placed many natural underground chambers, sinkholes, passages, tunnels there. These probably caused a depression on the surface that inspired the initial digging. Fair enough, but nobody found anything. Get over it. Get a life.

The place demonstrates one of the wonderful characteristics of humans: When something doesn't work we do more of it. Keep digging. There's got to be something there. If there wasn't, why did all of those other fools dig so much?

The best treasure story is that the French hid gold there when they abandoned Canada to the English in the mid 18th century. The construction was contrived so that if you dug straight down from the top, your excavation would flood and you would be foiled. If you came in through one of the tunnels from the side, no problem. The French did that sometime before 1795, and the treasure is long gone. Nothing to see here; keep moving.

The best non-treasure story is that the legend of the treasure is a Masonic treasure para-bull that just got out of hand, like the Beale story.

- Al Christians

Captain Kidd's Treasure

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- Eric Lilius

According to a work of what i thought was fiction, radioactive asteroid encased in lead, once known as the "holy grail".

- palantir

Within the money pit resides a treasure buried by an advanced species who realized mankind wasn't ready for any REAL knowledge and about the time we figure out how to get to it, it'll probably be too late.

- Jkingwriter

A. THIS IS THE DICK CHENEY HIDEOUT HOLE WHEN HE IS IMPEACHED AND MUST MOVE OUT OF THE UNITED STATES.B. IT WAS BUILT BY HALIBURTON.

- Kevin Charles

I'm not sure what is in there but I know how to get it out.

Pumping didn't work. What we need is a Caisson or a diving bell with an air supply.

Then you start digging. You dig in a foot of water and there is a tube to the surface with a claw bucket.

The diggers get down there by either diving or you bring the bell to the surface.

- Grat Crabtree

Tom Hanks and Shelley Long.

- Locke

Al Capone's stash of empty bottles. He foresaw the age of deposits on bottles and figure to make a killing in the recycling field.

- MoonBat52

This will require some serious thought and mathematical calculations since I know money is not in the money pit everyone knows fadda boosh taught us that money grows on trees

- Johnny Iguana

On the door a sign reads;

"Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."

Please keep this portal clear of all refuse. Do not litter.

Discarded iron, palms, clay, etc. will be systematically flushed.

Humanoids must register upon arrival, examinations required.

Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. Enjoy your abduction.

"Grey Management"

- VLA

Stupid Question of the Week

Maybe I'm wrong, but according to these pictures by Barry Chamish, it looks to me like the U.S. is building an enormous concentration camp in Israel. Gee, what do you think they're going to use it for?

Send your answers here.

Satan Doesn't Want You to Know

According to a new study from the Athens Medical School in Greece, dark chocolate is really good for you. Aortic flexibility and blood flow improved when 17 "young, healthy volunteers" ate about four ounces of dark chocolate over a three hour period.

Don't Take My Word For It

"Not long ago, the BBC said that it never used the words 'terrorism' or 'terrorist' because, and I quote, 'one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter.' Thus, for example, if Hamas blew up a bus in Tel Aviv, the 'T' words were never used. But, in the aftermath of the London bombings, go ahead and search the BBC's website for 'terror,' 'terrorism,' and even 'terrorist.' It turns out that when Islamic fanatics are blowing up trains and buses in YOUR city, one man's terrorist is another man's terrorist."

- David Bernstein: The BBC - It's "Terrorism" When it Happens to You -

"A consultancy agency with government and police connections was running an exercise for an unnamed company that revolved around the London Underground being bombed at the exact same times and locations as happened in real life on the morning of July 7th.

"On a BBC Radio 5 interview that aired on the evening of the 7th, the host interviewed Peter Power, Managing Director of Visor Consultants, which bills itself as a 'crisis management' advice company, better known to you and I as a PR firm.

"Peter Power was a former Scotland Yard official, working at one time with the Anti Terrorist Branch.

"Power told the host that at the exact same time that the London bombings were taking place, his company was running a 1,000 person strong exercise which drilled the London Underground being bombed at the exact same locations, at the exact same times, as happened in real life."

- London Underground Bombing 'Exercises' Took Place at Same Time as Real Attack -

"The military is remaking itself to meet the requirements of its corporate overlords whose directives are scrupulously carried out by their ambassador, Rumsfeld. This explains why there has been no serious effort to rebuild either Iraq or Afghanistan. The corporate leadership stubbornly refuses to give away goods or services without suitable remuneration. This is an article of faith among the uber capitalists in the political establishment. The military is a business, a fact that is shockingly apparent by the dismal results in Iraq. The recent announcement by the Pentagon that it plans to close 33 bases and 180 military installations within the US is much more serious than many Americans realize.

"Apart from the withering effect that this will have on small communities that depend on these bases for their economic survival, there's an even more significant reason to be concerned. The announcement indicates that the Pentagon is shifting its resources from stateside facilities to permanent bases sprinkled throughout Central Asia, the Middle East and Southeast Asia. This is just more proof that the administration plans to sacrifice the needs of the American people to solidify its global hegemony."

- Mike Whitney: Protecting the Plutocrats -

"They [the attackers] wanted to send a message, not just to England but to all of Europe, to disassociate itself from America."

- Saad Faqih -

"Boom goes London and boom Paree. More room for you and more room for me."

- Randy Newman -

"Why do we not attack Sweden?"

- Osama bin Laden -

"Terrorism is not limited to one race or group. Our enemies are not Muslims, but all extremists, some of whom are Muslim. Timothy McVeigh, the white Oklahoma City bomber, killed more people than the terrorists in London. Before bin laden, it was the Irish IRA. Next to Texas on the border, we have narco-terrorists killing and rampant kidnapping. North Korea's Kim Jong Il is our Asian extremist who has spread nuclear technology to rogue nations, let millions of his own people starve and has missiles capable of hitting the U.S. It was a Jewish extremist who assassinated Prime Minister Rabin, and it was Christian extremists who launched the crusades, one recently called for the bombing of our own State Department.

"Armies alone cannot conquer terrorism. Iraq has turned into a paradox situation producing advanced terrorists if we stay - and a loss if we leave. The military action is creating a sophisticated urban warfare training ground for insurgent terrorists, who are evolving very rapidly in weapons sophistication. Now they may use that training on places like London, New York, anywhere. Insurgents are recruiting from Europe.

"It only takes anger and determination to wage terrorism. Experts say the London bombs were only 10 lbs., easily hidden in a backpack. It was the anger that put it where it would do the most harm. Turning off and toning down the anger is a major part of the solution."

- Michael Fjetland: London Terrorist Bombing: Now What? -

"'If you bomb our cities,' Osama bin Laden said in one of his recent video tapes, 'we will bomb yours.' There you go, as they say. It was crystal clear Britain would be a target ever since Tony Blair decided to join George Bush's 'war on terror' and his invasion of Iraq. We had, as they say, been warned. The G8 summit was obviously chosen, well in advance, as Attack Day.

"And it's no use Mr. Blair telling us yesterday that 'they will never succeed in destroying what we hold dear'. 'They' are not trying to destroy 'what we hold dear'. They are trying to get public opinion to force Blair to withdraw from Iraq, from his alliance with the United States, and from his adherence to Bush's policies in the Middle East. The Spanish paid the price for their support for Bush - and Spain's subsequent retreat from Iraq proved that the Madrid bombings achieved their objectives - while the Australians were made to suffer in Bali."

- Robert Fisk: The reality of this barbaric bombing - If we are fighting insurgency in Iraq, what makes us think insurgency won't come to us? -

"BRITAIN and America are secretly preparing to withdraw most of their troops from Iraq - despite warnings of the grave consequences for the region, the SUNDAY MAIL in UK is reporting.

"A secret paper written by UK Defence Secretary John Reid for Tony Blair reveals that many of the 8,500 British troops in Iraq are set to be brought home within three months, with most of the rest returning six months later.

"The leaked document, marked Secret: UK Eyes Only, appears to fly in the face of Mr. Blair and President Bush's pledges that Allied forces will not quit until Iraq's own forces are strong enough to take control of security.

"If British troops pull out, other members of the Alliance are likely to follow. The memo says other international forces in Southern Iraq currently under British control will have to be handled carefully if Britain withdraws. It says they will not feel safe and may also leave."

- Matt (Clinton's dick) Drudge: Secret Plan to Quit Iraq -

"It was Miller, more than any other reporter, who helped the White House sell its WMD-in-Iraq hokum to the American public. Relying on the repeatedly discredited Ahmad Chalabi and her carefully cultivated administration contacts, Miller wrote story after story on the supposedly imminent threat posed by Saddam Hussein.

"Only problem: Her scoops relied on information provided by the very folks who were also cooking the books. But because Miller hid behind confidential sources most of the time, there was little her readers could use to evaluate their credibility. You know: 'a high-level official with access to classified data.' Ultimately, even the Times' 'public editor' conceded the paper's coverage of Iraq had often consisted of 'breathless stories built on unsubstantiated "revelations" that, in many instances, were the anonymity-cloaked assertions of people with vested interests.'"

- Rosa Brooks: The Judy Miller Media Hug-Fest -

"You talk about al-Qaeda. Have you forgotten who has bred al-Qaeda? It's the illegitimate child of America and Israel, but you name it Islam. This savagery is not Islam. It is coming from inside of you and it is now punching you. You armed Saddam with every weapon against us, but your feet are still bogged down in the Iraqi quagmires and you cannot get out. Where have you reached by cracking down on terrorism? It has happened again because you do not want to use your head. You train terrorists and state terrorism. If you want to succeed you have to leave Palestine alone. Acting against terrorism must be honest ... and you will not succeed unless you wise up and change your ways."

- Ayatollah Mohammed Emami-Kashani: Iranian cleric -

"Only one word sprang to mind when I heard about the bombings that claimed the lives of dozens of Londoners today - convenient.

"Is there anything convenient in death, or in thousands of lives destroyed from catastrophe? No - and words cannot express the sorrow I feel for the men and women changed by today's events. But governments with skeletons in their closets have a great deal to gain from a national tragedy bolstered by 'terrorism.'

"As I sit in my office today, I hear the whispers of co-workers now utterly convinced our war on terror must continue. Despite American and British involvement in the Middle East birthing wave after wave of rebel forces, the Bush doctrine is now justified in the minds of millions. Petty grievances such as the Downing Street Minutes, the President's flagging support and Karl Rove's treasonous outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame are unimportant. A shadowy conglomeration is out to kill us.

"Sound familiar? It should the same emotional ploy was used to great effect on Americans in the wake of September 11th. Question nothing, particularly your cries for vengeance or that nagging feeling in the back of your head. Justice delayed is justice denied.

"Unlike four years ago, however, I refuse to accept that the attack on London was anything less than a false-flag operation designed to enrage Western 'civilization' against the Middle East. Why? Because there is no reason for 'terrorist' groups to attack England. As recently as this week, the Ministry of Defense announced that plans were being drafted that would pull British armed forces from the quagmires in Iraq and Afghanistan. With the British effectively admitting they're throwing in the towel, the only motivation to stay could come from an attack that compels the forces to stay and fight 'global terrorism.'

"Think about it. The attack only benefits empires desperate to maintain a foothold in the Middle East without further eroding public opinion."

- Matt Hutaff: What's Behind the London Attacks? The bombing of the London Underground was a false-flag operation designed to keep the West mired in war. Don't believe otherwise. -

"Just on a personal basis ... I saw the futures this morning, which were really in the tank, I thought 'hmm, time to buy'."

- Brit Hume, Fox's Washington managing editor, on the London bombings -

"The only real security in life lies in relishing life's insecurity."

- M. Scott Peck -

"It's hard to believe that supposedly intelligent people like Senators Joseph Biden (DE), Hillary Clinton (NY) and John Kerry (MA) call for staying the course in Iraq and acting responsibly by sending more U.S. troops with more fire power over there. Don't they understand that American soldiers break, not fix? The more U.S. soldiers in Iraq, the more damage they will do and the more enemies they will make. To limit damage, to act morally and responsibly, remove the cause of violence and chaos in Iraq: the U.S. military presence."

- Saul Landau: Mission accomplished: Iraq is broken -

"The day before yesterday was the victory of the Olympic bid decision, and I was in the city. A posse of jets with red white and blue contrails roared over so quickly that it wasn't possible to take more than a couple of steps before they had come and gone. Today I can't stop imagining what it would be like to have those jets dropping bombs on you if you were caught in the open. And I can't stop thinking about Fallujah last November - when British troops threw up a cordon around that city while Marines went in to slaughter its people."

- Tony Hartin: Londoner comments on attacks -

"We Americans have no commission from God to police the world."

- President Benjamin Harrison: address to Congress, 1888 -

"We need a type of patriotism that recognizes the virtues of those who are opposed to us. We must get away from the idea that America is to be the leader of the world in everything. She can lead in some things. The old 'manifest destiny' idea ought to be modified so that each nation has the manifest destiny to do the best it can - and that without cant, without the assumption of self- righteousness and with a desire to learn to the uttermost from other nations."

- Francis John McConnell -

"Every time there's an embarrassing incident, a charge of official malfeasance, or some nasty revelation to cover up, the powers that be stage a terrorist incident randomly throw away the lives of an arbitrary number of innocents and then blame some fantasy enemy as an excuse to further ratchet up the corrupt oppression of ordinary people.

"Notice how the accused perpetrators are never caught often, as with 9/11, never even adequately identified or if they are, they turn out to be some brainwashed patsy like John Hinckley or Timothy McVeigh, both of them (and all the assassin-type villains who have been publicly caught and liquidated since JFK's public murder) obviously incapable of carrying out the demonic deeds they are so sensationalistically accused of without some serious assistance.

"The London bombings remind me of the Madrid, Istanbul, and Bali bombings. No one is ever caught. Stereotypically rabid Arabs are blamed. And innocent people everywhere suffer the consequences.

"When are we going to put together the pieces and see that this worldwide terror threat that is so ballyhooed in the totally corrupt establishment press is nothing more than stage-managed chaos designed to further consolidate the profit-making power of the super-rich, that all these senseless murders are nothing more than anecdotal sacrifices to the financial plans of the capitalist titans who control most of the world and covet the rest of it?"

- John Kaminski: When the Cops are the Crooks - Staged bombings terrorize everyone -

"His mouth kept moving, but there was nothing in his eyes or anything else about him that showed me he really cared or had any real compassion at all. This is a human being totally disconnected from humanity and reality. His eyes were empty, hollow shells and he was acting like I should be proud to just be in his presence when it was my son who died for his illegal war! It was one of the most disgusting experiences I ever had and it took me almost a year to even talk about it. The whole meeting was simply bizarre and disgusting, designed to intimidate instead of providing compassion. He didn't even know our names."

- Cindy Sheehan after being "consoled" by George W. Bush over the loss of her son in Iraq -

"The requirement of an ever-escalating level of social violence to meet the political and economic needs of the insatiable 'anti-terrorist complex' is the essence of the new US militarism.

"What is now openly billed as 'permanent war' ultimately serves the geo-political ends of social control in the interests of US corporate domination, much as the anti-communist crusade of the now-exhausted Cold War did."

- Frank Morales: Is the CIA Behind the Iraqi "Insurgents" - and Global Terrorism? -

"Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles."

- George Jean Nathan -

"Anyone can look for fashion in a boutique or history in a museum. The creative explorer looks for history in a hardware store and fashion in an airport."

- Robert Wieder -

"Works of art, in my opinion, are the only objects in the material universe to possess internal order, and that is why, though I don't believe that only art matters, I do believe in Art for Art's sake."

- E. M. Forster -

"'Tis nobler to lose honor to save the lives of men than it is to gain honor by taking them."

- David Borenstein -

"[I]t's seen as weak not to fight back because pacifism and non-violence is misunderstood. It's understood to mean not doing anything. But if you have watched the amazing film by Richard Attenborough, Gandhi, there is a scene that demonstrates wonderfully what active resistance means, which is taking action, always taking action, always resisting an evil system, but not violently. So there's a scene when the Indians are wanting to resist the rule of the British in India, and Gandhi encourages them to strike. The British go in there and they're hitting the Indians over the head with truncheons, and being very violent. But Gandhi said, "Whatever they do to you, don't hit back." Because then you're showing great courage because you have the moral high ground. So you're taking action but you're not hitting back. And that in fact is the action which all the great spiritual leaders in the world talk about, be it Buddha, be it Christ. You resist but you don't shoot somebody. ... The message that is currently going into our grandchildren's history books is if you follow the non-violent path you get ignored; if you plant a bomb and kill people then you make the front page of the newspaper."

- Isabel Losada -

"The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State."

- Dr. Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda (1933-1945) -

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."

- Daniel Webster -

"I think that writers are made, not born or created out of dreams or childhood trauma -- that becoming a writer is a direct result of conscious will. Of course there has to be some talent involved, but talent is a dreadfully cheap commodity, cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work and study; a constant process of honing."

- Stephen King -

"Ford's Model T, which went 25 miles on a gallon of gasoline, was more fuel efficient than the current Ford Explorer sport-utility vehicle - which manages just 16 miles per gallon."
- Detroit News -

"Cancer was slowly killing an old man in his fourth-floor apartment, and as the disease spread from organ to bone, sharp pains stabbed at his very core.

"A clear oblong patch was stuck to Shyam Sundar Nevatia's chest, just above his weakening heart, gradually releasing a 25-milligram dose of opium-based narcotic over three days. The medication was no match for the relentless pain as death drew near.

"Nevatia's doctor had prescribed more powerful morphine pills, but the 74-year-old businessman's family checked at hospitals and pharmacies, and even on the black market, without finding any.

"India is the world's largest producer of legal opium, the raw material for codeine, morphine and other painkillers. But corruption and red tape have left thousands of Indians such as Nevatia to die in agony."

- Paul Watson: A Bitter Pill for a Poor Nation - India is the largest producer of opium for use as painkillers, but red tape and illegal trade leave patients to suffer without -

"U.S. Military Personnel who died in German hospitals or en route to German hospitals have not previously been counted. They total about 6,210 as of 1 January, 2005. The ongoing, underreporting of the dead in Iraq, is not accurate. The DoD is deliberately reducing the figures. A review of many foreign news sites show that actual deaths are far higher than the newly reduced ones. Iraqi civilian casualties are never reported but International Red Cross, Red Crescent and UN figures indicate that as of 1 January 2005, the numbers are just under 100,000."

- Brian Harring -

"'Big Pharma' won a major victory in Rome, Italy today. Vitamins and minerals, for over-the-counter sale will be phased out, almost completely, in every country on Planet Earth. The 'German Model' of health care will now be the law of the land - in every land."

- Diane Miller -

"As we're often told, 1 million men and women serve in the U.S. Army. So, why is it such a strain to keep a mere 150,000 in Iraq? What are the other 850,000 doing? Why can't some of them be sent there, too? And if they really can't be spared from their current tasks, what broader inferences can be drawn about America's military policy? Should we bring back the draft to provide more boots on the ground or, alternatively, scale back our global ambitions so fewer boots will be needed?

"First, let's look at those million soldiers. Who are they? The Web site GlobalSecurity.org has a pie chart breaking them down into categories. It turns out that fewer than 40 percent of them, 391,460, are combat soldiers. And fewer than 40 percent of those combat soldiers, 149,406, are members of the active armed forces. (The rest are in the National Guard and Army Reserve.)

"The others are support and logistics troops, 50,252 in transportation, 37,763 in medical, 34,270 in the training and doctrine command, and so forth. The distinctions are not ironclad. Transportation soldiers, for example, get shot at and shoot back. Still, however you define it, a strikingly small percentage of the million-man Army consists of active soldiers whose principal job is to fight."

- Fred Kaplan: Who's in the Army Now? Why we can't send more troops to Iraq. -

"I'm from Lawton, Ky. I was stationed in Eastern Germany with the Army. On Jan. 15, 2004, my contingent was sent to Iraq. We stayed in Baghdad for seven months, where I was wounded and awarded a Purple Heart. After that I was sent back to Germany, where I trained for six months for another tour of duty in Iraq. On Christmas, on leave in the U.S., I decided that I couldn't go back to Germany and from there to Iraq. If I went back to Baghdad I would have been asked again to kill people, civilians, and I just couldn't do that anymore.

"I got in the Army to get an education, to get out of a bad neighborhood. Yes, I eventually got it, but at a great price.

"First steps you take in Baghdad, you realize that there's death and destruction all over the place. No weapons of mass destruction in sight. We're fighting people that we're supposed to help, but in fact they hate you and every time you walk down the street they shoot at you because you occupy their country. You're asked to get in their houses, in their businesses, block the roads, but you're an occupying power, you're messing up their daily life. You're not a liberator. You raid their houses and kill their family.

"If I was in their position, if a foreign power had occupied the U.S., I would do the same. I don't mean to say that they should kill American soldiers, but if I were an Iraqi I would be fighting alongside my neighbor to free my country and to defend my family, my house.

"Because you're in Iraq in a kind of war situation and unable to distinguish friends from foe, you adopt these drastic measures. You commit these crimes, these acts that you would never do under normal conditions. And even though in your unit everybody is against what you're doing, nobody can say anything because you'll end up in jail. That's not what I had imagined when I enlisted."

- Ivan Brobeck, 19: Iraq War Deserters Speak Out From Canada -

"The moment the idea is admitted into society that property is not as sacred as the laws of God, and that there is not a force of law and public justice to protect it, anarchy and tyranny commence."

-John Adams -

"One of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our Founding Fathers used in the great struggle for independence."

- Charles Beard -

"[T]he first several U.S. presidents were certainly revolutionaries and might have been called 'terrorists' by the British crown, after all."

- Brian Williams -

"Bring your desires down to your present means. Increase them only when your increased means permit."

- Aristotle -

Everything Else

If your dog is in the federal witness protection program, they might need a dog disguise kit.

Google Earth's 3D interface with the planet is now a free download. If you can't decide whether to use the Google map view or the Google satellite view, how about the Google map view transparent on top of the Google satellite view?

In 1986, twice as many people went to the hospital with zucchinis up their ass than potatoes.

Don't let this happen to you

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Contact the Illuminati - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Satan - satan@whitehouse.gov

Contact both houses of Congress - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact the Supreme Court - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Dick Cheney - vice.president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Halliburton - vice.president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Bechtel - vice.president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Saddam Hussein - tightywhities@whitehouse.gov

Contact Osama bin Laden - deepthroat@whitehouse.gov

Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com

Contact Fidel Castro - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Kim Jong Il - eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int
Contact the new Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va

Contact the old Pope - thirdlevel@hellfireanddamnation.com
Contact God - president@whitehouse.gov

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Boo hoo.

If this guy can fly, why can't I.

Won't you buy me a jetpack?

Acknowledgment

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form, preferably parchment. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.

Thanks,

Sum Ting Wong

http://www.disinfotainmenttoday.com

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