BartCop Entertainment Archives - Tuesday, 31 May, 2005

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Issue #154
is brought to you by

What We Can Learn from Penguins

I share with you my frustration over thousands of daily injustices that come my way, each one a little monstrosity, stories that conflict with simple reason, that I simply can't believe were committed by my race, not Caucasian or Jewish but human, simply human, the race that trumps all others. I've been embarrassed to be Caucasian and embarrassed to be Jewish and they don't hold a candle to the shame I feel every day when a fellow biped does something that makes me embarrassed to be human, that causes me to wonder who raised these people or what mysterious glitch in the Homo Sapiens DNA causes such serious malfunction. Every day is another marathon attempt to make sense of it all, to restore a sense of rationality to our paltry existence on this confusing planet where the random element rules and terrible things happen to good people and magnificent things happen to scum, defying any sense of order or justice or common sense.

It's easy to figure out what fiction means. All the best authors give us a world of meaning, and whatever that meaning, it makes us feel good because at least it clearly means something, unlike the real world where nothing is clear, where right and wrong are infinite blurs, where actions don't just get equal and opposite reactions but unequal and mirror reactions, where absolutely everything depends upon the right place at the right time and not what it took to get there, where dead end streets masquerade as grand opportunity, where so many things appear and disappear in front of our eyes that we can't help but presume the presence of a magician, someone behind the scenes who's pulling this on us, someone who really knows what's going on, because it must be an illusion, it can't be real. If this is reality then reality sucks, and reality can't suck. What would be the point of creating a reality that sucks?

And what gives me the big idea that I was created in the first place? Why would a deity go to the bother of creating me, a rational being, amidst such chaos? Just to piss me off? I won't be happy until someone answers these questions and it's just pathetic that it has to be me because I am if anything more confused and bewildered than your average individual. I don't get it and maybe I never will, and maybe it's designed that way, the universe needs it's share of ecstasy and pain, of love and hate, fulfillment and frustration, okay, I get it, but why does it always seem that there's so much more pain and hate and frustration than ecstasy and love and fulfillment. Why does the prize have to be so rare? Why can't we all get a little bit of that?

Here's some non-fiction for you, paraphrased from National Geographic, Volume 189, #3, March, 1996...

There were once two races of penguins who huddled together during windstorms, one who stood still, and another who constantly moved around. The race of penguins who just stood there died. Only the race of penguins who moved around survived.

The wind was cold, causing those on the outer rim of the huddle to freeze to death within minutes. In the race of penguins that didn't move, every time there was a storm they died from the outside in.

But the tribe of penguins who moved around, who all shared their moments on the rim, then moved to the inside of the huddle to warm up, survived even the most extreme weather.

Wouldn't it be nice if mankind could be like that? If we could all spend some time on the edge to guarantee our place in the middle? How about if every poor person was guaranteed one year of wealth, just one measly year, where they knew their every need would be seen to. Give everyone a shining ray of hope. And similarly, how about if every wealthy person was guaranteed one year of poverty just as a reality check, to be reminded what life is actually like for the vast majority of our race, the human huddle, where all we've got is each other to weather the storm, moving around instead of keeping to the middle and casually watching our protectors, the ones we depend on for warmth, gradually freeze to death.

"If evolution was worth its salt, it would have involved something better than survival of the fittest. Yeah, I think a better idea is survival of the wittiest. At least that way creatures that didn't survive could have died laughing."

- Lily Tomlin: The Search for Signs of Inteligint Life in the Universe -

My Veteran's Day Pledge

I pledge to help veterans by doing everything in my power to reduce their number.

War Is Peace

Oceania (commonly called the US and Britain) is at war with Afghanistan Iraq. Oceania has always been at war with Afghanistan Iraq.
Eurasia (commonly called Russia, Pakistan, etc.) is allied with Oceania in war against Afghanistan. Eurasia has always been allied with Oceania.
US Congressman Charlie Rangel has been arguing for a return of military conscription ("The Draft") as - so he tells the public - a way of reducing war.
It's not easy to capture someone killed the year before - until you harness the power of Ingsoc. When you've got Ingsoc on your side, though, it's so easy that the US did it again.
Three cheers for Homeland Security drone patrols!
In order to fight terrorism, we must cause it, says Donald Rumsfeld.
It's okay that there were no "weapons of mass destruction" in Iraq; that's not why we went to war. It's equally okay that there are so many of them in Oceania.
The Nobel prize committee has been considering nominating George Bush and Tony Blair for their prestigious Peace prize.
Just like in 1984's Room 101, the Miniluv operations in Guantánamo Bay were authorized to "exploit[] a prisoner's phobias, sometimes using muzzled dogs in interrogations." Doubleplusgood!
According to the Bush administration, the Duelfer report which conclusively showed that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq actually justifies the war in Iraq.
"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." - George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States
"Protecting [an] Islamic cultural center" involves fighting a war inside it, as the New York Times on the Web shows.

- Students for an Orwellian Society -

"As I write, highly civilized human beings are flying overhead trying to kill me. They do not feel any enmity against me as an individual, nor I against them. They are only doing their duty, as the saying goes. Most of them, I have no doubt, are kind-hearted law-abiding men who would never dream of committing murder in private life. On the other hand, if one of them succeeds in blowing me to pieces with a well-placed bomb, he will never sleep any worse for it. He is serving his country, which has the power to absolve him from evil."

- George Orwell: 1984 -

Stupid Answers of the Week

Last week's question...

Linda Hamilton in Terminator II

is a boring caption for this picture.

A better one would be...

"How many times are we going to re-shoot this fucking scene?"

- palantir

"How many times are you going to tell the same joke?"

- chris from boca

"Thank you Mr. Trump!"

- too scared to give name

"God doesn't appreciate you voting Republican"

- Paid for by the Coalition for Democratic Votes

I just love those hot chili peppers!

- Joe

Linda Hamilton immediately after Arnold asked her to "sok my bik dig."
The photo George W. Bush was jacking off with when he passed out from autoerotic asphyxiation in the famous "pretzel" incident.
Linda Hamilton on fire, baby.
What happens to you when you smoke marijuana, have sex before marriage, admit you are gay, question our actions in the war on terror, or fail to accept George W. Bush as your personal Lord and Savior. So get with the program.

- Jeff

somebody lit the uberest of the uberfahrt...
Clear Skies initiative my Ass
Global Warming huh?
Laura Bush stares in to heaven from her 10x10 detention cell in hell, (not in Picture; George, Condi, Bin Laden, Don Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, and the usual gang of idiots)

- Raffi B.

The probable results of Dubya's foreign policy, especially in regard to North Korea and the Middle East?
The Far Right's wish and expectation for everyone that doesn't toe the God's Own Party line and ends up in the imaginary Apocalypse?
What the rest of the world wishes would happen to Dubya and not to them?
The Palestinians wish for the Israelis, and vice versa?

- Sarek of Vulcan

George W. Bush, in a rare moment of total lucidity, discovers exactly why, for decades, it was more than merely a cliché that Social Security is the third rail in politics...

- George and Katherine Allard

Ann Coulter trying to escape from Massachusetts.
Laura Bush trying to escape from HELL!

- Billy E. Smith

"I'm thinking about defecting."

- Harry Houck

I told you tanning beds weren't safe!

- Marta Martin

Paris Hilton, consumed by touching the flaming passions of love fence.

- Bill Moses

Stupid Question of the Week

Other than penguins, what other species would humans do well to emulate?

Humans should be more like dogs because if men could lick their balls, there would be no more war.

I Feel So Much Safer Now

Posters that depicted President Bush with a Groucho Marx-style mustache and cigar were ordered torn down at a high school after a student complained.

An explicit art piece at the private, nonprofit Broward Art Guild was removed from its prominent position in the gallery after the agency's director received a phone call from the county's Department of Cultural Affairs, which partially funds the group. The piece in question, in an exhibit entitled "Controversy," is a painting depicting pResident Bush being sodomized.

A man in West Virginia was arrested for wearing a Grinch mask.

"Warning: Long, pointy knives may be hazardous to your health. The authors of an editorial in the latest issue of the British Medical Journal have called for knife reform. The editorial, "Reducing knife crime: We need to ban the sale of long, pointed kitchen knives," notes that the knives are being used to stab people as well as roasts and the odd tin of Spam."

- John Schwartz: British Medical Experts Campaign for Long, Pointy Knife Control -

A mother faces criminal charges after she hired a stripper to dance at her 16-year-old son's birthday party.

"Judge Cale J. Bradford, in Indiana, has decreed that a divorced couple can't teach their son about their religion - Wicca - because the boy goes to a Catholic school. The judge, in his infinite wisdom, wrote a vague decree prohibiting Thomas E. Jones Jr. and his ex-wife Tammie U. Bristol from exposing their son to 'non-mainstream religious beliefs and rituals.' The judge didn't define a 'mainstream' religion. [His] prohibition doesn't appear to have anything even remotely resembling legal precedent. The Wiccan liturgy... 'I celebrate life as a duality. There's a male and female force to everything...I feel the Earth is a living creature. I don't believe in Satan or any creature of infinite evil.'"

- God & Consequences -

Satan Doesn't Want You to Know

Moderate drinkers have a significantly lower risk of developing type 2 diabetes compared to people who don't drink.

Don't Take My Word For It

"I remember that another generation of this nation is being sacrificed on the alter of war as was the case with Vietnam, Gulf War 1, Bosnia, and now Iraq and Afghanistan. The broken bodies, minds and spirits that came back from those wars were and still are being forgotten. Tossed aside by a VA that is not there to help put them back together and a Congress that talks a lot about this nation's veterans, but that does nothing to create positive affective change for those that have borne the brunt of the illegal wars they keep sending this nation into.

"In fact the head of the VA recently stated that payments to veterans are 'a threat to our national security'. That was repeated on the floor of the House of Representatives.

"So while you have your memorials 'honoring the dead,' try and give some thought to the living. Remember the 85,000 that have come back from Iraq seeking care at the VA, over half with PTSD, which has not been able to care for the Vietnam vets or the first Gulf War vets; and then there is the DU contamination no one wants to talk about. So while you remember the dead, remember the living.

"The dead we cannot help; the living we can help. We can help to bring them home from Iraq and sooner rather than later."

- Jack Dalton: Remembering the Dead - Forgetting the Living -

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth."
- Lenin -

"The great mass of people - will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one."

- Adolph Hitler -

"Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them."
- Robertson Davies -

"Doubt yourself, and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment, and you can see forever."

- Nancy Kerrigan -

"The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any."

- Katharine Whitehorn -

"All men wish to have truth on their side; but few to be on the side of truth."

- Richard Whately -

"The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep."

- Sir Alan Patrick Herbert -

"The more I traveled the more I realized that fear makes strangers of people who would be friends."

- Shirley Maclaine -

"We should surrender our intention to selfishly seek merit and recognition for our wisdom, and instead simply plant merit and cultivate wisdom."

- Jae Woong Kim: Polishing the Diamond -

"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."

- Harry S. Truman -

"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."

- Xarvon, alien investigator -

"When Lieutenant General Ricardo Sanchez testified before the Senate Armed Services Committee last year, he was asked whether he 'ordered or approved the use of sleep deprivation, intimidation by guard dogs, excessive noise, and inducing fear as an interrogation method for a prisoner in Abu Ghraib prison.' Sanchez, who was head of the Pentagon's Combined Joint Task Force-7 in Iraq, swore the answer was no. Under oath, he told the Senators he 'never approved any of those measures to be used.'

"But a document the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) obtained from the Pentagon flat out contradicts Sanchez's testimony. It's a memorandum entitled 'CJTF-7 Interrogation and Counter-Resistance Policy,' dated September 14, 2003. In it, Sanchez approved several methods designed for 'significantly increasing the fear level in a detainee.' These included 'sleep management'; 'yelling, loud music, and light control: used to create fear, disorient detainee, and prolong capture shock'; and 'presence of military working dogs: exploits Arab fear of dogs.'

"On March 30, the ACLU wrote a letter to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, urging him 'to open an investigation into whether General Ricardo A. Sanchez committed perjury in his sworn testimony.'

"The problem is, Gonzales may himself have committed perjury in his Congressional testimony this January. According to a March 6 article in The New York Times, Gonzales submitted written testimony that said: 'The policy of the United States is not to transfer individuals to countries where we believe they likely will be tortured, whether those individuals are being transferred from inside or outside the United States.' He added that he was 'not aware of anyone in the executive branch authorizing any transfer of a detainee in violation of that policy.'

"'That's a clear, absolute lie,' says Michael Ratner, executive director of the Center for Constitutional Rights, who is suing Administration officials for their involvement in the torture scandal. 'The Administration has a policy of sending people to countries where there is a likelihood that they will be tortured.'"

- Matthew Rothschild: Stripping Rumsfeld and Bush of Impunity -

"The trick is not to mind it."

- G. Gordon Liddy with his hand in a flame -

"Is it really necessary at this late date to point out that the problem is torture and abuse, not dubiously sourced reports of torture and abuse? If the allegations in the Newsweek story seemed credible on their face, not only to its editors but also to government officials (such as the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who quickly assigned a general to look into them), perhaps that is because of the long, dismal history of horrors that have already been documented in many cases, by investigations conducted within the Armed Forces themselves, which are full of men and women who recognize that the honor of their service is at stake.

"The indulgence of this sort of depravity goes to, and comes from, the top. President Bush pushed aside the Geneva Conventions. A memo prepared on the order of his White House counsel, now Attorney General, suggested limiting the definition of torture to acts that bring on 'organ failure.' And his Secretary of Defense personally authorized interrogation techniques, such as the use of dogs and forced nudity, that were expressly designed to outrage the religious customs of detainees. It was a short step from that to fake menstrual blood, sexual humiliation, and abuse of the Koran - other instances of which had been reported long before the current one. Nobody in a position of real authority has ever been held accountable for any of it. Against this background, words like 'hypocritical' and 'cynical' are inadequate to describe the White House campaign to demonize Newsweek. 'Nauseating' is more like it."

- Hendrik Hertzberg: Big News Week -

"A mobile phone ring tone based on the sound of a revving Swedish moped was expected to top the British singles chart on Sunday.

"Through Friday, 'Crazy Frog Axel F,' the first tune created for mobile phones to cross into mainstream music charts, was already outselling the new single of the group Coldplay by about four to one, the Official UK Charts Co. said.

"This milestone may make little sense to anyone who has never downloaded a ring tone, but with children as young as 10 years old personalizing the sound of their cellphones, it is a sign that digital music in all forms has become a major entertainment medium for the under-30 set."

- Thomas Crampton: Mobile tune makes history -

"Goodness grows in North Carolina? Not if the General Assembly approves bills that would pre-empt local regulations on genetically modified crops and trees. House Bill 671 and Senate Bill 631 aim to prevent towns, counties or cities from passing any ordinance, regulation or resolution to control any kind of plant or plant pest (including invasive plant species). The bills would usurp local control by making the state Department of Agriculture the only body in North Carolina with the authority to regulate plants.

"These bills are not a homegrown initiative, but part of a nationwide biotech industry campaign. Similar bills, containing identical language, have cropped up in at least nine other states as part of a campaign by industry to prevent citizen initiatives like those passed in three California counties last year that prohibited cultivation of genetically modified crops...

"Everyone agrees that unintended gene flow from genetically modified plants is unavoidable. The organic food market is the fastest-growing segment of the farm economy, but organic farmers risk losing organic certification, and markets, if genetically modified DNA contaminates their fields. Local governments should have the ability to protect growers who worry about contamination."

- Hope Shand: 'Monsanto Laws' Would Take Away Right To Ban GMOs -

"There is no flag large enough to cover the shame of killing innocent people for a purpose which is unattainable."

- Howard Zinn -

"You have to keep repeating things to catapult the propaganda."

- Dubya -

"Do the people of Iraq have the right to defend themselves against violent foreign invasion and occupation by any means at their disposal against an aggressive and rapacious enemy enjoying overwhelming military superiority?

"This is a right Americans unquestionably would invoke were their country invaded and occupied by a foreign power. They would take whatever measures were necessary to defeat the enemy and force it to withdraw.

"The United States government supports this position and recognizes its validity in relation to all other nations invaded by foreign aggressors -except when it is Washington that initiates or supports the invasion of another sovereign state. By White House whim, the subject state loses its right to self-defense."

- Jack Smith: Do The People Of Iraq Have A Right To Resist U.S. Occupation? -

"We support the right of self-determination in the struggle against imperialist domination, and believe the Iraqi people have the right to resist occupation by any means chosen. The right to resist occupation is a concept enshrined in international law... This is not a matter of political or ideological affinity. Nor is it an issue of the tactics of war - all of which are ugly. It boils down to this simple equation: On the one side are all the forces fighting a war against colonialism and occupation, and on the other side are the colonialists, neo-colonialists and their Iraqi agents. In that struggle we take an unambiguous position opposing the colonizers. To do otherwise would be to put entirely secondary issues --ideology, war tactics, etc. - at the forefront, while ignoring the core issue of colonialism in Iraq and elsewhere. Moreover, since we are a U.S. antiwar movement, and it is our country that has invaded Iraq, we are obligated to be crystal clear on this issue."

- ANSWER (Act Now to Stop War & End Racism) -

"Prensa Latina informs that official US reports on Iraq reflect less than half the numbers of soldiers killed in that war of aggression, according to an article by El Diario-La Prensa online in New York.

"An article datelined San Juan, Puerto Rico, says that troops under the US command have suffered at least 4,076 fatal casualties over 799 days of action.

"The information markedly contrasts with reports published by the authorities in Washington, which focus on the fallen wearing US uniforms, which totals 1,649, the article notes.

"It refers to the difficulties encountered by the Puerto Rican government in obtaining a figure of total Puerto Rican casualties during the present war."

- U.S. accused of reporting less than half its casualties in Iraq -

"You have to keep repeating things to catapult the propaganda."

- Dubya -

"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them."

- Joseph Heller: Catch-22 -

"Men of affairs who are in positions of wealth and rank yet are not trapped by wealth and rank, and are also able to break through the iron face of the mortal being and focus their minds on this path, must already have the seed of wisdom; otherwise, how could they reach this?"

- Hsi-sou -

"Silence is the sea, and speech is like the river. The sea is seeking you: don't seek the river."

- Mathnawi -

"The sad fact of the matter is that when you break international law and start a completely unprovoked war on a sovereign country based on a pile of lies, and then engage in a brutal occupation murdering and torturing innocent civilians, everyone is going to be in the resistance. Not everyone has the ability to fight in the same way, and the most active fighters may very well be Sunni veterans of Saddam's army. Blaming the resistance on foreign fighters or Sunni deadenders is just another in the long series of American lies about Iraq intended to fit this conflict into the American mythology that everything the United States does is good, and all its opponents are bad. This mythology - proven to be a complete lie so many, many times - is so ingrained into American thinking that even the best commentators cannot grasp the reality of the ongoing resistance of the people of Iraq to the evil American oppression. It isn't going to be psychologically possible for Americans to end the occupation until Americans start to accept the reality of the fact that they are not noble liberators but brutal occupiers, and the whole country of Iraq wants them out, now."

- The mystery of Iraqi resistance -

"If you talk to Iraqis, the difference between the American occupation and Saddam Hussein is that Iraq is a less-safe environment with the Americans there. We get attacked constantly, and the victims of those attacks are usually Iraqis, not Americans - through collateral damage.

"Saddam Hussein had a dictatorship, but now, Iraqis are getting pulled over on the road and hijacked, and there are more gangs, more rapes, more murder. It's not safe to walk the streets at night for Iraqis."

- bellaciao -

"Our intention creates our reality."

- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer -

"There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers."

- William James -

"I've always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position."

- Pat Conroy -

"A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world."

- John le Carre -

"Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history."

- George Bernard Shaw -

"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things."

- Woody Allen -

"Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected."

- Oscar Wilde: The Picture of Dorian Gray -

"No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous."

- Henry Adams -

"One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things."

- Henry Miller -

"There is no 'other world.' I only know what I've experienced. You must be hallucinating."

- Jalal-Uddin Rumi (1207-1273) Persian Sufi Mystic Poet -

"Restlessness is discontent - and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man - and I will show you a failure."

- Thomas Alva Edison -

"Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one."

- Charles Mackay -

"People never change, only their perspectives."

- Sarah Crowder -

"Lessons learned by ourselves have a greater value than lessons learned through others."

- Wayne Antaw -

"Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality."

- Jules de Gaultier -

"Only fools are positive."

- Moe Howard -

"Literature is news that stays news."

- Ezra Pound -

"We can't take any credit for our talents. It's how we use them that counts."

- Madeleine L'Engle -

"No amount of ability is of the slightest avail without honor."

- Andrew Carnegie -

"It will be found, in fact, that the ingenious are always fanciful, and the truly imaginative never otherwise than analytic."

- Edgar Allen Poe -

"The beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts."

- Tom Robbins -

"Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace."

- Albert Schweitzer -

"You have to keep repeating things to catapult the propaganda."

- Dubya -

"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."

- Mark Twain -

"I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body."

- Elaine Boosler -

"There are two kinds of Bush supporters: Those who are in the dark, and those who are of the dark."

- Xarvon, alien investigator -

"THE RAF and US aircraft doubled the rate at which they were dropping bombs on Iraq in 2002 in an attempt to provoke Saddam Hussein into giving the allies an excuse for war, new evidence has shown.

"The attacks were intensified from May, six months before the United Nations resolution that Tony Blair and Lord Goldsmith, the attorney-general, argued gave the coalition the legal basis for war. By the end of August the raids had become a full air offensive."

- Michael Smith: RAF bombing raids tried to goad Saddam into war -

"I have just three words for biology teachers who are wringing their hands as school boards from Kansas to Pennsylvania force them to teach intelligent design as an alternative to evolution: Get over it.

"Here's what I think. Science teachers can comply with the requirement and still offer their students a first-rate education. If done with imagination, the new curriculum could end up stimulating more learning and excitement than their traditional explication of Darwinian theory...

"A good science teacher will follow the school board's guidance and propose intelligent design as an alternative explanation for male homosexuality. Could there be an intelligent power that has created and nurtured male homosexuality? Does that mean God is gay?

"School boards require science teachers to offer alternative explanations about how life began. That presents still another opportunity for creative educators.

"Evolutionists argue that life evolved over tens of millions of years via natural selection. Intelligent design advocates believe the creation of life was overseen and guided by an intelligent power.

"The biology teacher should offer students creationism as a possible explanatory theory of the origins of life. And, of course, subject it to the same rigorous scientific analysis the teacher uses to evaluate the accurateness of evolution. The students will learn that the scientific evidence for the-heavens-and-the-earth-and-all-life-was-formed-in-six days theory of the origins of life is virtually nonexistent.

"Moreover, substantial empirical evidence exists to demonstrate that the Bible has the order of the origination of life wrong. On day three, for example, the Bible tells us (Genesis 1:6-10) that God created 'vegetation, plants yielding seed and fruit trees....' On the fifth day He made 'birds fly above the earth' and 'the waters teem with swarms of living creatures.' On the sixth day He created the 'beasts of the earth.'

"But geology teaches us that fish were in the seas hundreds of millions of years before a tree was on the ground. Birds did not appear until well after beasts of the field. And if a dinosaur is a beast of the field, then flowering and fruit-bearing plants did not appear until after beasts of the field."

- David Morris: Having Fun With Intelligent Design -

"Political tags - such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth - are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire."

- Robert A Heinlein -

"The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule."

- H.L. Mencken -

"We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth... For my part, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst; and to provide for it."

- Patrick Henry -

"Recently, members of America's 'Religious Right' have purchased over 42 million books based on the idea that 'The Rapture' is a good thing and that the sooner the human race descends into disease, violence and evil the better. We have MILLIONS of people, right here in America, who think that God will actually be PLEASED if George Bush and people like him succeed in their attempts to blow up the planet -- with us still on it.

"Sure, to rational people, this sounds totally stupid but it is also the total reality of our times. Here in America, we actually have ten million cheerleaders waving their pompoms and hoping and cheering that life as we know it will be totally destroyed.

"You think the terrorists are out to get us? WE NEED A DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY TO PROTECT US FROM THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT!"

- Jane Stillwater -

"I was walking by a drycleaner at 3 a.m. and there was a sign that said 'Sorry, we're closed'. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 a.m. and you're a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, 'Hey, I was here at 3 a.m. and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology.'"

- Mitch Hedberg -

"Genius might be described as a supreme capacity for getting its possessors into trouble of all kinds."

- Samuel Butler -

"You have to keep repeating things to catapult the propaganda."

- Dubya -

"The dream is a spontaneous happening and therefore dangerous to a control system set up by the non-dreamers."

- William S. Burroughs -

"What is reality anyway? Nothing but a collective hunch. Now since I've put reality on a back burner, my days are jam packed and fun filled."

- Lily Tomlin: The Search for Signs of Inteligint Life in the Universe -

If you've been paying attention, you probably already know many of the 115 blatant lies from the 9/11 Commission Report.

It's your chance to guard the White House.

Don't let this happen to you

Subscribe to dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY

Contact George W. Bush - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact the Freemasons - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Skull and Bones - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact the Carlyle Group - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact the Illuminati - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Satan - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact both houses of Congress - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact the Supreme Court - president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Dick Cheney - vice.president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Halliburton - vice.president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Bechtel - vice.president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Saddam Hussein - vice.president@whitehouse.gov

Contact Osama bin Laden - thetwins@whitehouse.gov

Contact Jeb Bush - jeb.bush@myflorida.com

Contact Fidel Castro - jeb.bush@myflorida.com
Contact Kim Jong Il - eng-info@kcna.co.jp
Contact Jacques Chirac - france-presse@un.int
Contact the Pope - accreditamenti@pressva.va
Contact God - president@whitehouse.gov

Link to Disinfotainment Today with one of these tasteful banners.

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are here.

You won't believe all the stuff I normally leave off my résumé.

Boo hoo.

I can't come up with rent this month.

Acknowledgment

dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.

Thanks,

Howard U. Know

http://www.disinfotainmenttoday.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~