BartCop Entertainment Archives - Tuesday, 24 May, 2005
Tuesday
24 May, 2005
(Updated Daily)
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Issue #153
Disinfotainment Today
By Michael Dare
Issue #153
is brought to you by
Hey gals, if your man's headed for Iraq, you can keep the best part of him home with Create-A-Cock. 10% discount for military personnel! (And if your man's already in Iraq, just mail it to him. I'm sure his buddies will understand.)
Mr. Metaphor Strikes Again
Virtually every major problem I've encountered on my computer has to do with multi-tasking. Give it one or two things to do and things go smoothly, but crank it up to ten windows open and you're looking for trouble, everything just STOPS and you don't know where it is. Is it the radio? No, the music's still coming through. Could it be the mail coming in? The mail going out? God, not the window I've got open, the one I'm writing in.
That happens in society too. You never know when that rascally random element is going to throw the best laid plans to shit. I think Mr. Gates deliberately created Windows as a mirror of society. Looks nice in the box. Loads nicely. Everything works fine for a little while and then you have to REBOOT. Everything works fine for a little while longer and then you have to REBOOT again.
There's a kink in the works and it's you. You're the random element that the computer can't figure out. It's never been asked to do such a particular combination of things before and it's baffled. It's not that you don't get it, it's that it doesn't get you. If you behaved the way the computer wanted you to behave, it would never have to crash. You'd walk hand in hand down the corridors of perfection. Your computer deals with you the way society deals with you. It tells you to stop doing things. First it asks nicely, then it slams on the cuffs. It doesn't seem to understand that you don't work for it, it works for you. It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
It's designed by a mind and you've got one of those. It's trying to psyche you out, to figure what you're going to do and be prepared for it, to lay the path and assume you won't stray, whereas we, we sit there, we absorb it all, we try to fuck with it, hey, what would happen if we did THIS! And THAT! There. Now we've trashed the damn thing. Let's start over.
When parts of society crash, it's RAM vs. ROM all over again. If you're in society's RAM, you're only in memory. When there's a crash, you're toast. Only society's ROM survive because they've been stored in an external device called money and/or fame. The size of ROM in society entirely depends upon the goodwill of those in ROM and their propensity for creating more storage. Since everyone in RAM wants to get in ROM before the next crash, they bounce around randomly hoping a few will land in a bucket. If you land in the bucket, you're saved to an external device. Or you can buy your way in, or get grandfathered in, which is how most ROM do it.
Sometimes it's just the screen, a component of society that simply needs to be fiddled with or replaced. It's random. There's nothing you can do about it but complain. The media is the complaint department, unless it's the publicity department, and then society's fucked. Every department store needs a complaint department. You've got to at least DEAL with complaints. They're going to crop up. They're the opposite of plants. Ignoring them makes them grow.
In society, what good is replacing the hard drive if you've still got the same old CPU? Politics stops with the hard drive. Only the owner controls the CPU.
In society, popularity equals money. Doesn't matter what you're popular for, selling cars, doing what you're told, getting the job done, creating art, they all equal more money with more popularity.
Some may say that in Windows, popularity don't mean shit, that no matter how many people keep making the same mistake, they won't fix it. To them I say they are wrong simply because this idea conflicts with my pre-drawn conclusion.
If Windows doesn't mirror society but simply the mind of Bill Gates, one of the richest men on earth, that's even scarier.
Mr. Metaphor says
"I never metaphor I didn't like."
Calling All American Soldiers in Iraq Thinking of Defecting
at the Hilton Kuwait Resort.
Cocaine for Children
"Aside from all it's bad qualities, cocaine is a local anesthetic that doesn't have to be injected. How many dentists have given injections of Procaine (called Novocain, a cocaine precursor.) when rubbing on a little cocaine would have worked just as well? Every single one.
"So the next time your child is at the dentist and screaming that they don't want to get a shot in their mouth, you can blame the war on drugs for the hysteria.
"And let's hear no 'I became a crack whore because my mama made my dentist put cocaine on my teeth when I was just a wee one' stories. Nobody becomes a coke addict because of pediatric dental work.
- not me -
Religious Cocaine
"For centuries and still today when my people welcome a visitor into their homes, they choose three of the most beautiful Coca leaves and hold them out, like so. Then, they close their eyes and turn toward a chosen mountain, and blow softly on the leaves, like so. They ask the Gods for safe haven and passage for their guest. Lastly, they hand the leaves to the visitor, who must repeat the traditional offering.
"Will you represent this group and request protection and safe passage to Machu Picchu from the deities?"
Calling All American Soldiers in Iraq Thinking of Defecting
at the Al Bustan Palace Hotel in Oman.
Crack for Adults
"There is perhaps a single predictable time of life when taking crack-cocaine is sensible, harmless and both emotionally and intellectually satisfying. Indeed, for such an occasion it may be commended. Certain estimable English doctors were once in the habit of administering to terminally-ill cancer patients an elixir known as the 'Brompton cocktail.' This was a judiciously-blended mixture of cocaine, heroin and alcohol. The results were gratifying not just to the recipient. Relatives of the stricken patient were pleased, too, at the new-found look of spiritual peace and happiness suffusing the features of a loved one as (s)he prepared to meet his or her Maker.
"Drawing life to a close with a transcendentally orgasmic bang, and not a pathetic and god-forsaken whimper, can turn dying into the culmination of one's existence rather than its present messy and protracted anti-climax.
"There is another good reason to finish life on a high note. In a predominantly secular society, adopting a hedonistic death-style is much more responsible from an ethical utilitarian perspective. For it promises to spare friends and relations the miseries of vicarious suffering and distress they are liable to undergo at present as they witness one's decline."
Calling All American Soldiers in Iraq Thinking of Defecting
at La Veranda in Qatar.
I Feel So Much Safer Now
"Neighbors spying on neighbors? Mothers forced to turn in their sons or daughters? These are images straight out of George Orwell's 1984, or a remote totalitarian state. We don't associate them with the land of the free and the home of the brave, but that doesn't mean they couldn't happen here. A senior congressman, James Sensenbrenner (R-Wis.), is working quietly but efficiently to turn the entire United States population into informants - by force.
"Sensenbrenner, the U.S. House Judiciary Committee Chairman, has introduced legislation that would essentially draft every American into the war on drugs. H.R. 1528, cynically named 'Safe Access to Drug Treatment and Child Protection Act,' would compel people to spy on their family members and neighbors, and even go undercover and wear a wire if needed. If a person resisted, he or she would face mandatory incarceration.
"Here's how the 'spy' section of the legislation works: If you 'witness' certain drug offenses taking place or 'learn' about them, you must report the offenses to law enforcement within 24 hours and provide 'full assistance in the investigation, apprehension and prosecution' of the people involved. Failure to do so would be a crime punishable by a mandatory minimum two-year prison sentence, and a maximum sentence of 10 years.
"Here are some examples of offenses you would have to report to police within 24 hours:
- You find out that your brother, who has children, recently bought a small amount of marijuana to share with his wife;
- You discover that your son gave his college roommate a marijuana joint;
- You learn that your daughter asked her boyfriend to find her some drugs, even though they're both in treatment.
"In each of these cases you would have to report the relative to the police within 24 hours. Taking time to talk to your relative about treatment instead of calling the police immediately could land you in jail."
Calling All American Soldiers in Iraq Thinking of Defecting
at the Intercontinental Jeddah in Saudi Arabia.
Fable of the Week
"Jacob," asked Mr. Gold whose days dangled by a thread, "where do you find the strength to carry on in life?"
"Life is often heavy only because we attempt to carry it," said Jacob. "But I do find strength in the ashes."
"In the ashes?" asked Mr. Gold.
"Yes," said Jacob with a confirmation that seemed to have traveled a great distance.
"You see, Mr. Gold, each of us is alone. Each of us is in the great darkness of our ignorance. And each of us is on a journey.
"In the process of our journey, we must bend to build a fire for light, and warmth, and food.
"But when our fingers tear at the ground, hoping to find the coals of another's fire, what we often find are the ashes.
"And in these ashes, which will not give us light or warmth, there may be sadness, but there is also testimony.
"Because these ashes tell us that somebody else has been in the night, somebody else has bent to build a fire, and somebody else has carried on.
"And that can be enough sometimes, that can be enough."
- Noah ben Shea: Jacob the Baker -
Calling All American Soldiers in Iraq Thinking of Defecting
at the Millennium Airport Hotel in Dubai.
Weather of the Week
Snopes says this picture of a sandstorm in Iraq is real.
A wall of sand approaching at 60 miles an hour. It's one of 14.
Calling All American Soldiers in Iraq Thinking of Defecting
every Thursday at the Gulf Hotel in Bahrain.
Stupid Answers of the Week
Last week's question...
.
The blue powder puff was added to the photograph at the insistence of conservative Christian censors who claim the aerial photo included the image of a 74-year old woman sunbathing topless in her back yard.
- Ron and Lou
Mike mate
A) It's the explosion at Homer Simpson's place when he opened the beer can that Bart had put in a paint shaker in revenge for an April Fools day joke.
B) It's Bill Gates mistress house, the location of which has been obscured in every computer in the world.
C) It's the warp in the time/space continuum that was described in the Hitchhikers guide to the Universe. Shortly after this photo was taken, Douglas Adams and Elvis fell through it and are now living quietly in Anaheim. They said to tell you if you're in the neighborhood (03 6267 5385) to drop by and bring drugs.
- Wal
I'm a photographer and recognize this as an out-of-focus rocket that has been launched. The satellite camera has a fixed focus on the ground so anything a distance away from the ground would be out of focus. The rocket is traveling upwards so the camera is looking down at it. This is a photograph of Florida, so I would suspect the camera took its picture on a day something was launched from Cape Canaveral. Because of the satellite's distance from earth the object would not have to be over that community to obscure part of it as it headed upwards.
- Yvette Grimes
It's either a UFO or a new top secret spy device brought to you by g. dumbya boosh.
- Johnny Iguana
That's on a need to know basis.
- Paul
El Nino?
- Marta Martin
Obviously the detonation phase of a small thermonuclear device.
- Fred Robinson
It's a spy satellite (balloon with video camera attached) over Texas from some poor third world country that will soon be added to the axis of evil.
- Ragnall
It is the event horizon of the current U.S. housing bubble.
- JC
Jeb's Holy Temple of Diebold where he sacrifices girls of ill repute and people of color.
- Anne Konarski
Well, silly....its obvious..! that "fog" is the UBERFAHRT! I know, because I lived in Texas and I know a "fahrt" on a satellite map picture when I see it!
- Mimi A.
It looks like a hot air balloon which is out of focus because its higher than the houses below.
- Andrew Dixon Jones
Tragedy ensues when the Pillsbury Doughboy, while visiting the Sunshine State, contracts a horrible yeast infection and becomes the Pillsbury Doughball.
- Ed Lynn
Howdy!
Yes, it's a satellite pic. And the level of detail is rather creepy. How creepy? I am ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN of two things in this pic:
1. My home is in it (and as I expected, plainly visible).
2. It may have been ©2005, but it was actually shot about two years ago. Considering the level of detail in these pics I think the shutter of the satellite camera snapped (that pic of West Palm Beach FL) when a piece of space dust happened to be passing by.
Simple magnification level distortion. Sorta like "the hair in the movie," But we are talking EXTREME telephoto focal length. If not mistaken, 11-15 MILES, lens to subject.
But THIS CAN'T BE BLAMED ON OPTICS. The "blurry area" is about half of EPCOT and ALL OF "Disney's Animal Kingdom."
And it gets CREEPIER STILL!!! This "blurry area" COVERS AN ENTIRE FL CITY!!! It's ZIP code is 34747. It is Celebration, FL. BTW, same county, about 30 miles due west of me...
- Dan W
You weren't supposed to see that. We have your names. We know where you are. Be seeing you... soon.
- James and Katherine Allard
Stupid Question of the Week
Linda Hamilton in Terminator II
is a boring caption for this picture.
A better one would be...
I Don't See What the Arab World is So Upset About
Satan Doesn't Want You to Know
Studies show that eating three ounces of walnuts daily for four weeks reduces total cholesterol levels by 12% and LDL cholesterol levels by 18%. Other studies have shown similar results for almonds, cashews, pecans, macadamias and pistachios.
Don't Take My Word For It
"Obi Wan never takes Anakin out for drinks and just levels with him. Sits him down and explains fascist totalitarianism. He doesn't explain why sacrificing the most marginal freedoms to create a false sense of security enables those taking on those additional powers to create a greater evil than that which they fear. Hell, nobody really explains to Anakin why Democracy is better than Absolute Rule. Instead it is all this Search your feelings bullshit. Turn to your ancient religion. This is why ultimately Luke Skywalker kicks ass. Because he doesn't have all this dogmatic bullshit. Because he's got a buddy like Han Solo that'd be willing to bust ass across the galaxy to save his ass. Somebody that has his back. FRIENDS! Because when the Sith hits the fan, it's the love of your friends that'll help you push through and kick ass. Because Luke believes in twin sunsets, the good guys and saving his dad."
"President Bush's actions and policies have destroyed America's image as a nation that adheres to a set of core values, such as the rule of law, humane treatment of prisoners, presumed innocence, trial by jury and respect for international laws.
"'Positive views of the U.S. in Russia have risen 11 points in the past year. But U.S. favorability ratings in France and Germany are somewhat lower than last year and there has been a larger decline in Great Britain (58 percent now, 70 percent last year). Young people in Great Britain, France, and Germany have more negative views of America than do people in other age groups. An important factor in world opinion about America is the perception that the U.S. acts internationally without taking account of the interests of other nations. Large majorities in every nation surveyed believe that America pays little or no attention to their country's interests in making its foreign policy decisions. This opinion is most prevalent in France (84 percent), Turkey (79 percent) and Jordan (77 percent), but even in Great Britain 61 percent say the U.S. pays little or no attention to British interests.'
"Nice going George. Even Richard Nixon couldn't tarnish America's image that much."
"Take the example of a San Diego-based company, Leap Wireless. The company offers under its Cricket brand affordable month-to-month wireless service to thousands of low-income and credit-challenged customers in Modesto, Merced and Visalia. The company plans to expand in California and introduce its model of no-frills service - 'the Southwest Airlines of cellular' - to San Diego and Fresno.
"Cricket pioneered the talk-all-you-want, flat-rate wireless service model. They offer an innovative solution to credit-challenged customers who would otherwise not qualify for traditional wireless service. Their consumers use three times the minutes of average cell phone customers.
"Among many wireless companies, Leap/Cricket is clearly doing something right in the marketplace. There is growing demand for their service. As a result of its innovative business model, Cricket has been able to bring the benefits of wireless to people who otherwise might not be served, thereby closing the digital divide.
"Forty-one percent of Cricket's customers are Hispanic or African-American, and 64 percent report making less than $35,000 in annual household income.
"What is the sin that Leap/Cricket committed that calls for the Legislature to undercut their ability to compete for customers with prescriptive and costly regulations? This company offers a no-contract, month-to-month service that can be canceled without penalty. Cricket keeps its prices low by keeping its costs low. The Legislature's formula would almost certainly force Cricket to raise its prices. Is that good for consumers?"
"New Rule: The people in America who are most in favor of the Iraq war must now go there and fight it. The Army missed its recruiting goal by 42% last month. More people joined the Michael Jackson Fan Club."
"Falsehood #2: Bush's filibustered nominees have all been rated well-qualified by the ABA; blocking such highly rated nominees is unprecedented.
"To make Democratic filibusters appear unwarranted, many 'nuclear option' supporters have falsely claimed that some - or all - of Bush's judicial nominees have received the American Bar Association's (ABA) highest qualification rating. Others have argued that Texas Supreme Court justice Priscilla Owen is the first judicial nominee to be filibustered who received a unanimous well-qualified (WQ) rating from the ABA.
"But of the 10 Bush nominees filibustered by Senate Democrats,
only three - Owen, Miguel Estrada, and David McKeague - received a unanimous 'Well Qualified' rating from the ABA. Conservatives have frequently touted Janice Rogers Brown as highly qualified (see
Rush Limbaugh and
Rev. Jerry Falwell), but she twice received an 'Unqualified' rating from the California judicial evaluation committee and currently has the ABA's lowest 'passing' rating of Q
m/NQ
min (meaning a majority consider her 'Qualified' and a minority consider her 'Not Qualified')."
"Senator, in everything I said about Iraq I turned out to be right and you turned out to be wrong - and 100,000 have paid with their lives, 1,600 of them American soldiers sent to their deaths on a pack of lies. I was an opponent of Saddam Hussein when the British and American governments and businessmen were selling him guns and gas. I have a better record of opposition to Saddam Hussein than you do."
"I cannot get out of my mind the recent news photos of ordinary Americans sitting on chairs, guns on laps, standing unofficial guard on the Arizona border, to make sure no Mexicans cross over into the United States. There was something horrifying in the realization that, in this twenty-first century of what we call 'civilization,' we have carved up what we claim is one world into 200 artificially created entities we call 'nations' and armed to apprehend or kill anyone who crosses a boundary.
"Is not nationalism - that devotion to a flag, an anthem, a boundary so fierce it engenders mass murder - one of the great evils of our time, along with racism, along with religious hatred? These ways of thinking - cultivated, nurtured, indoctrinated from childhood on - have been useful to those in power, and deadly for those out of power.
"National spirit can be benign in a country that is small and lacking both in military power and a hunger for expansion (Switzerland, Norway, Costa Rica, and many more). But in a nation like ours - huge, possessing thousands of weapons of mass destruction - what might have been harmless pride becomes an arrogant nationalism dangerous to others and to ourselves."
"The junk merchant doesn't sell his product to the consumer, he sells the consumer to the product. He does not improve and simplify his merchandise. He degrades and simplifies the client."
- William S. Burroughs -
"I had a stick of Carefree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
- Mitch Hedberg -
"It's easy to imagine an infinite number of situations where the government might legitimately give out false information. It's an unfortunate reality that the issuance of incomplete information and even misinformation by government may sometimes be perceived as necessary to protect vital interests."
- U.S. Solicitor-General Theodore "Ted" Olson in Jennifer K. Harbury vs. United States -
"It is not the function of the government to keep the citizen from falling into error; it is the function of the citizen to keep the government from falling into error."
- U.S. Supreme Court Justice Robert H. Parker -
"If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have nerve enough to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts."
- Kurt Vonnegut Jr. -
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
- George Bernard Shaw -
"Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons."
- Bertrand Russell -
"There is but one road to take if you intend to secure worldly power and success - and it is paved with the flesh and blood of your fellow men."
- Christopher Spranger: The Effort To Fall -
"Because art is not defined as a business, yet must compete for economic survival in the business marketplace, we think certain legal priorities in the idea of copyright should be turned upside down. Specifically, a revision of the Fair Use statutes should throw the benefit of the doubt to artistic reuse and place the burden of proof on the owner/litigator. When a copyright owner wished to contend an unauthorized reuse of their property, they would have to show essentially that the usage does not result in anything new beyond the original work appropriated. However, if the new work is judged to significantly fragment, transform, rearrange, or recompose the appropriated material, and particularly does not use the entire work appropriated from, then it should be seen as a valid fair use - an original attempt at new art whether or not the result is successful and pleasing to the original artist, the owners of his or her work, or the court...
"Please consider the ungenerous and uncreative logic we are overlaying our culture with. Artists will always be interested in sampling from existing cultural icons and artifacts precisely because of how they express and symbolize something potently recognizable about the culture from which both they and this new work spring. The owners of such artifacts and icons are seldom happy to see their properties in unauthorized contexts which may be antithetical to the way they are spinning them. Their kneejerk use of copyright restrictions to crush this kind of work now amounts to corporate censorship of unwanted independent work. Unlike the basic thrust of all the rest of U.S. law, copyright law actually assumes that all unauthorized uses are illegal until proven innocent, and any contested 'fair use' always requires a legal defense, which remains beyond the financial grasp of most accused 'infringers'. This financial intimidation results in the vast majority of art appropriators caving in and settling out of court, their work being consigned to oblivion, and the 'owners' having it all their way, including their expenses paid under the guise of 'damages'."
"On Tuesday, May 10, 2005, America became a true police state. Your U.S. senators voted - unanimously, with no discussion, and without even reading the bill - to create a national ID card.
"The Real ID Act blackmails state governments into turning their drivers licenses into a draconian tool of the federal homeland security apparatus. If states refuse, their citizens lose such 'privileges' as being allowed to board an airplane, enter a federal building, or apply for social security. President Bush is expected to sign the bill eagerly on Thursday.
"In three years - by May 2008 - this Stalin-style internal passport will be an American reality. But your government will have more control over you than Stalin ever dreamed in his most violent, vicious, anti-freedom dreams."
- Real ID Act Passed - The End Of America -
"The Senate is not a rubber stamp for the executive branch. Rather, we're the one institution where the minority has a voice and the ability to check the power of the majority. Today, in the face of President Bush's power grab, that's more important than ever...
"If Republicans roll back our rights in this chamber, there will be no check on their power. The radical right wing will be free to pursue any agenda they want. And not just on judges. Their power will be unchecked on Supreme Court nominees, the president's nominees in general and legislation like Social Security privatization."
- Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada -
"Lie #5: The sun will give you cancer.
"Truth #5: The sun will prevent cancer due to the creation of vitamin D by the skin. Most Americans (and Canadians and Europeans, for that matter) are deficient in vitamin D. As a result, tumor cell growth in the breast and prostate is unregulated. Sensible exposure to natural sunlight generates cancer-preventing vitamin D... at no charge! Sunburns are actually caused by nutritional deficiencies (lack of antioxidants in the skin), not by sensible exposure to sunlight."
"People have no idea about the difference in health care in this country. My father got sick when I was poor, my mother got sick when I was rich. My father died, my mother is still alive."
"Unlike other political figures, the Bushes must be given the benefit of the doubt, even if an innocent explanation stretches credulity. Also, any ambiguity in the reporting, such as sources who are less than pristine or evidence that isn't 100 percent clear, must be interpreted in the Bush's favor.
"Journalists or other investigators who violate these Bush rules must expect that they are putting their reputations and livelihoods in jeopardy.
"Defiant journalists can expect the conservative news media and right-wing interest groups to place critical Bush stories under a microscope. Backgrounds of the witnesses and even the journalists will be investigated, with any blemishes that are found quickly becoming the story in both conservative and mainstream news outlets."
"There are only two kinds of men: those righteous who believe themselves sinners; the other sinners who believe themselves righteous."
- Blaise Pascal -
"Our planet is the mental institution for the universe."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe -
"I have worked on issues relating to US and NATO nuclear strategy and war plans for more than 40 years. During that time, I have never seen a piece of paper that outlined a plan for the United States or NATO to initiate the use of nuclear weapons with any benefit for the United States or NATO. I have made this statement in front of audiences, including NATO defense ministers and senior military leaders, many times. No one has ever refuted it. To launch weapons against a nuclear-equipped opponent would be suicidal. To do so against a non-nuclear enemy would be militarily unnecessary, morally repugnant, and politically indefensible...
"In articles and speeches, I criticized the fundamentally flawed assumption that nuclear weapons could be used in some limited way. There is no way to effectively contain a nuclear strike - to keep it from inflicting enormous destruction on civilian life and property, and there is no guarantee against unlimited escalation once the first nuclear strike occurs. We cannot avoid the serious and unacceptable risk of nuclear war until we recognize these facts and base our military plans and policies upon this recognition. I hold these views even more strongly today than I did when I first spoke out against the nuclear dangers our policies were creating. I know from direct experience that US nuclear policy today creates unacceptable risks to other nations and to our own.
"We are at a critical moment in human history - perhaps not as dramatic as that of the Cuban Missile Crisis, but a moment no less crucial. Neither the Bush administration, the congress, the American people, nor the people of other nations have debated the merits of alternative, long-range nuclear weapons policies for their countries or the world. They have not examined the military utility of the weapons; the risk of inadvertent or accidental use; the moral and legal considerations relating to the use or threat of use of the weapons; or the impact of current policies on proliferation. Such debates are long overdue. If they are held, I believe they will conclude, as have I and an increasing number of senior military leaders, politicians, and civilian security experts: We must move promptly toward the elimination - or near elimination - of all nuclear weapons. For many, there is a strong temptation to cling to the strategies of the past 40 years. But to do so would be a serious mistake leading to unacceptable risks for all nations.
"In 1985 a group of bearded men met with Ronald Reagan in the White House. These turbaned men were, Reagan stated, 'the moral equivalent of America's founding fathers.' These were the Afghan mujahedin, for whom Osama bin Laden worked and was undoubtedly funded, directly or indirectly, by the CIA. At the same time Nelson Mandela sat in prison in Robben Island. Mandela, according to the official watch list of the Pentagon, was a terrorist, the head of a terrorist organization attacking the anticommunist apartheid regime."
"MUJCA-NET is a group of scholars, religious leaders and activists dedicated to uniting members of the Jewish, Christian and Islamic faiths in pursuit of 9/11 truth. We believe that the process of joining together in search of the truth about 9/11 will bring enormous benefits, regardless of what truths we may discover.
"While our endorsers and supporters have different views about the probable level of U.S. government complicity in 9/11, all of us agree that a new, honest investigation of the possibility of official complicity is a matter of the most urgent national and global importance."
"
The largest solar energy legislation ever introduced in the United States is pending in the California Senate and will be voted on in committee this Monday, May 23. The Million Solar Roofs bill (SB1) would help achieve 3,000 megawatts of solar power for California--the equivalent of 25 peaking power plants. This clean energy would prevent the release of 50 million tons of global warming emissions, while creating jobs and saving money for consumers. Please send a letter today to your state senator urging her/him to invest in the clean energy technologies of tomorrow by passing this landmark bill."
"Uh, people, I hate to tell you this, but the story about Americans abusing the Koran in order to enrage prisoners has been out there for quite some time. The first mention I found of it is March 17, 2004, when the Independent of London interviewed the first British citizen released from Guantanamo Bay. The prisoner said he had been physically beaten but did not consider that as bad as the psychological torture, which he described extensively. Jamal al-Harith, a computer programmer from Manchester, said 70 percent of the inmates had gone on a hunger strike after a guard kicked a copy of the Koran. The strike was ended by force-feeding.
"Then came the report, widely covered in American media last December, by the International Red Cross concerning torture at Gitmo. I wrote at the time: 'In the name of Jesus Christ Almighty, why are people representing our government, paid by us, writing filth on the Koran's of helpless prisoners? Is this American? Is this Christian? What are our moral values? Where are the clergymen on this? Speak up, speak out.'
"The reports kept coming: Dec. 30, 2004, 'Released Moroccan Guantanamo Detainee Tells Islamist Paper of His Ordeal,' reported the Financial Times. 'They watched you each time you went to the toilet; the American soldiers used to tear up copies of Koran and throw them in the toilet. ... ' said the released prisoner...
"So where does all this leave us? With a story that is not only true, but previously reported numerous times. So let's drop the 'Lynch Newsweek' bull. Seventeen people have died in these riots. They didn't die because of anything Newsweek did - the riots were caused by what our government has done.
"Get your minds around it. Our country is guilty of torture."
"8. Make your opponent angry. An angry person is less capable of using judgment or perceiving where his or her advantage lies."
"Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more."
- Mark Twain -
"I fear for the fate of my country when I reflect that God is Just."
- Thomas Jefferson -
"Leave a nightlight on inside the birdhouse in your soul."
- They Might be Giants -
Everything Else
Now there's an entire website devoted to The Downing Street Memo about fixing the intelligence before the war in Iraq.
Project Droplift is the opposite of shoplifting. Recording artists sneak their CDs into the racks of retailers.
Don't let this happen to you
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY archives are here.
Boo hoo. It took you so long to get to the bottom of the page that I'm really depressed.
Acknowledgment
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.
Thanks,
Noah Countingfortaste
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'Best of TBH Politoons'
Thanks, again, Tim!
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A New Memorial Day Tradition
Fahrenheit 9/11
Another Memorial Day Weekend is approaching, and every American should watchFAHRENHEIT 9/11 again, and again.
Before you fire up your grill or head out to some mattress sale, watch FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Reinforce your emotions...get angry, get very angry, and never forget what this Bush Administration has done to our brave soldiers and The United States of America.
Watching FAHRENHEIT 9/11 over every Memorial Day Weekend should become an American tradition.
Kevin
Thanks, Kevin! Great idea!
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IT FELT STRANGE LAST NIGHT
ELECTRICITY PULSING
FULL MOON OVER WIRES
Zen Man
(in the attic of Oakland)
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Thoughts From Mr. Hawk
Re: Star Wars
After seeing 'Star Wars - Revenge of the Sith', here are some random thoughts.
1. Very few under 18 in the house but as it was 1:00 on a school day.
2. No one is in costume. No Vaders, strom troopers etc. Now I know I see the costumes at halloween. Things do not bode well for the long term
3. Theatre was less than 1/3 full maybe on 25%.
4. Pre movie ads. If you've seen one explosion you've seen them all.
5. Lets see Pitt and Jolie are professional assians who have just fired 100 rounds each at each other and MISSED! Give them their pink slips now.
6. The movies starting and if that guy back and to the right doesn't quit belching I'll shoot him
7. Well suspension of disbelief is called for but there are way too many ships up there
8. Where does R2 store all these gadgets he has. Bet James Bond wishes he had an R2 unit.
9. Chris Lee is very spry for his age, but why does he look surprised when the emperor tells Anikan to lop of the head. Dooku knows there are only 2 Sith and he's no longer very handy now.
10. Anikan seems to have developed a couple of new emotions since the last film,that brings him up to 4.
11. If digital is so good why are the backrounds not in focus.
12. Sam, if you take a laxitive you'll get rid of the perpetual scowl
13.OOOPPPS big plot hole. As a young wookie Chewbaccka was present at a Jedi council meeting. At the meeting Obi Wan figures quite prominetly. I would think that would stick out in his mind when he meet ObiWan in episode VI
14. If this is a love scene, Lucas better go back and watch American Graffitti
15. Okay now for the final battles. Sensory overload. The light sabers look like buzz saws.
16. Word to Gen Grevious....rust never sleeps.
17. The big two begin. Come on Yoda kick the emporer's butt. What you can't? I'm so shaken in the force.
18. I just noticed, Anikan's LS is blue. But the one ObiWan gives to Luke is green. Shoot the continutity person.
19. OOPPPPPs another big plot hole. 3cCPO's mind is to be wiped but not R2's. Since they're such good buddies you would rhink R2 might want to fill 3CPO in afterwords. And you would think that R2 would put Luke and Skywalker and ObiWan and
Tatooine together when they meet up.
Over all impression, it's not the orignial and Lucas seems to be caught up
in the mechanics of making the film. But if you go to the matinees it's only
$5 and worth it. I've have definitely sat thru worse.
Has anyone ever gone into Lucas' fetish for severed body parts?
- Episode I: Nobody major gets a limb lost(generaly considered the poorest film of the lot)
- Episode II: Dooku lops off Anikan's hand
- Episode III: Anakin pays him back by lopping off both Dooku's hands and his head but then gets his other hand and both legs cut off.
- Episode IV: 3CPO gets his arm severed and then Obi Wan cuts off a bit player's arm in a bar fight. (if you're counting that's 2 arms and 2 legs for Obi, guess he needed a complete set)
- Episode V Vader gets the upper hand on Luke
- Episode VI Luke returns the favor
The series could be called Star Amputees
~ Mr. Hawk
Thanks, Mr. Hawk!
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Recommended Reading
from Bruce
Scott Ritter: In the belly of the beast (The Guardian)
George Galloway ... stared down the US Senate subcommittee on homeland security and government affairs, and its notoriously partisan chairman Norm Coleman, and blasted as totally unfounded the committee's allegations that he had profited from oil vouchers in exchange for his anti-war stance.
HELEN THOMAS: Who's in charge at the White House? (HEARST NEWSPAPERS)
Strange as it may seem, President Bush was among the last to learn about the emergency alarm that was recently triggered when a small private airplane penetrated forbidden airspace near the White House.
David Morris: Having Fun With Intelligent Design (AlterNet)
Science teachers can teach intelligent design as an alternative to evolution -- and teach meddling school board members a lesson at the same time.
Peter Hartlaub: Guilty or not, here she comes -- Nancy Grace brings mob justice to CNN (SF Gate)
If one looks at every page of every transcript since "Nancy Grace" debuted three months ago, the program more closely resembles a torch-bearing mob than the "legal issues" show that CNN promised.
ROGER EBERT: Woodstock (1970)
Abbie Hoffman: "I live in Woodstock Nation."
What to Do with Stuff You Don't Want
Stone Soup: Children's Writing and Art
Tom Tomorrow: Cartoon ("Language is a Virus")
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Reader Comment
Re: neck issues
hey, marty...
Can you please tell purple gene to GET OVER IT??? So what if a woman has a sagging neck!!!! Or doesn't wear make-up. Or has scars. WHO THE HELL CARES?? Are they talented? Do they contribute to a better world? I wonder if Mr. gene has the perfect face or body....I'm betting no. Wouldn't surprise me to find he's a paris hilton or brittney spears fan...and even THEY will one day have sagging necks and drooping boobs (or they'll look like joan rivers, which to me is far more frightening).
I'm sorry, marty, but on this issue, purple gene is being an asshole.
love ya as always
ducks
Thanks for the feedback, ducks!
One of the things I love about Purple Gene is he has opinions & isn't afraid to state them - on a regular basis.
We got major wattles on my mom's side of the family (as we'd phrase it in the backwoods), so it's a fairly familiar topic.
Last fall I was given a face mask of Joan Rivers - it's great for tormenting the kid & cats. And really quite scary.
So, all things considered, I'll take my wattle over a face where teeth are the most flexible part.
Reader comments are always welcome, but, unlike Newsweek, if that's Purple Gene's truth, I'll stand behind him (whether or not I agree - or even like it), while reserving the right to change my mind.
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Purple Gene Reviews
'Extreme Makeover - Home Edition'
Purple Genes' review of the ABC Sunday Night Special "Extreme Makeover - Home Edition" :
TY SAVES THE WORLD !!!!!!
TY ENDS WAR IN IRAQ !!!!!!
TY SIGNS TREATY WITH NATIVE AMERICANS!!!
All bought and paid for by SEARS and HOME DEPOT !!!!!
Sunday night was an amazing 2 hours with Ty Pennington and his crash crew of "Extreme Makeover - Home Edition" miracle workers! This episode finds us on the Hopi REZ in Arizona where Ty Pennington, the wild wunderkind wizard, who with a bullhorn and a bare chest can literally charm a home into existence and at the same time change the world…….Does anyone remember Private 1st class Jessica Lynch?????? Her convoy was attacked in Iraq and she was purportedly RESCUED by a battalion of brave American soldiers……Sadly, her best friend and fellow servicewoman, Lori Piestewa (a Hopi and mother of two) died in the skirmish! But Jessica had made a promise to Lori that she would do everything in her power to take care of Loris' family if anything should happen!
So Jessica contacted Ty and the rest was prime time history!
Not only did Ty and Company come in to Arizona and buy 5 acres of gorgeous desert property; Not only did Ty and Company erect a gorgeous 4000 square foot really cool residence; Not only did Ty and Company bring in soldiers from Iraq and veterans from WW II…..but Ty and Company built a Navajo Veterans Center in Tuba City for all the Native Americans who had no place to meet ……and Loris' parents and kids got to go to DisneyLand……and all this was done in SEVEN DAYS…that's right 168 hours…..with the help of hundreds of workers…..America Online, Breuners, Sears, Home Depot, Southwest Airlines and Shea Homes (who gave the Piestewa family $50,000) what an amazing advertising opportunity!!!!!!
I must admit that I had to watch the whole thing through my cynical glasses…….and to see the ending with all the tears….what a spectacle!!!!!
TY SAVES THE WORLD !!!!!
Purple Gene gives Ty Pennington 10 loud and lusty "Let's do it"s out of 10 for being so darn CUTE and Charismatic!!!!!
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Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
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In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Sunny and another bit cooler.
Anybody see Ann Coulter on 'Craig', telling of her days as a Dead Head?
I was so impressed. < /sarcasm>
Tonight, Tuesday:
CBS begins the night with the SEASON FINALE 'NCIS', followed by a FRESH 'special' - Rob & Amber Get Married'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Dave are Adam Sandler, Reggie Miller, and the Wallflowers.
Scheduled on a FRESH Craig are Alice Cooper, Malachy McCourt, and Dierks Bentley.
NBC starts the night with the 2-hour SEASON FINALE 'The Contender', followed by the SEASON FINALE 'Law & Order: Special Victims Unit'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Leno are Renee Zellweger, Dominic Monaghan, and Lisa Marie Presley.
Scheduled on a FRESH Conan are Chris Rock, Evangeline Lilly, and Billy Idol.
Scheduled on a FRESH Carson Daly are Michael Chiklis, The Dan Band, and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy.
ABC opens the night with a RERUN 'Lost', followed by a FRESH made-for-TV-movie 'Trump Unauthorized'.
Scheduled on a FRESH Jimmy Kimmel are Terry O'Quinn and Seether.
The WB offers the SEASON FINALE 'One Tree Hill'.
Faux has a FRESH 'American Ido', followed by the SEASON FINALE 'House'.
UPN has the SEASON FINALE 'All Of Us', followed by the SEASON FINALE 'Eve', then a FRESH 'Britney & Kevin: Chaotic', followed by SERIES PREMIERE of 'The Bad Girls Guide'.
A&E has 'American Justice', followed by a FRESH 'Cold Case Files', 'Dog The Bounty Hunter', another 'Dog The Bounty Hunter', and 'Knievel's Wild Ride'.
AMC offers the movie 'Every Which Way But Loose', followed by the movie 'Smokey & The Bandit', then the movie 'Smokey & the Bandit II'.
BBC -
[2pm] 'As Time Goes By' - Episode 4;
[2:40pm] 'Are You Being Served?' - The Clock;
[3:20pm] 'Keeping Up Appearances' - Episode 6;
[4pm] 'Second Sight' - Episode 3;
[6pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Sweet;
[7pm] 'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 42;
[8pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Episode 8;
[9pm] 'Ground Force' - Kingswinford;
[9:30pm] 'Changing Rooms' - Buxton;
[10pm] 'Beyond Boiling Point' - Episode 5;
[10:30pm] 'Beyond Boiling Point' - Episode 4;
[11pm] 'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 42;
[12am] 'Ground Force' - Kingswinford;
[12:30am] 'Changing Rooms' - Buxton;
[1am] 'Beyond Boiling Point' - Episode 5;
[1:30am] 'Beyond Boiling Point' - Episode 4;
[2am] 'Cash in the Attic' - Episode 8;
[3am] 'Ground Force' - Kingswinford;
[3:30am] 'Changing Rooms' - Buxton;
[4am] 'Beyond Boiling Point' - Episode 5;
[4:30am] 'Beyond Boiling Point' - Episode 4;
[5am] 'Cash in the Attic' - Episode 8;
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EDT)
Bravo has 'West Wing', 'The 100 Scariest Movie Moments', another 'The 100 Scariest Movie Moments', and 'Queer Eye'.
Comedy Central has 'MAD TV', 'Comedy Central Presents', another 'Comedy Central Presents', South Park', 'Chappelle's Show', and 'Distraction'.
On a RERUN Jon Stewart is Christiane Amanpour.
History has 'Modern Marvels', followed by a FRESH 'Wild West Tech', 'The Horrors At Andersonville Prison: The Trial Of Henry Wirz', and another 'Modern Marvels'.
IFC -
[6AM] 'Big Bad Love' (2001);
[8AM] 'IFC Short Film Collection I' (2005);
[10AM] 'Happy Times' (2001);
[11:45AM] 'Gray's Anatomy' (1997);
[1:15PM] 'My Best Fiend' (1999);
[3PM] 'IFC in Theaters' (2005);
[3:15PM] 'IFC Short Film Showcase' (2005);
[4:15PM] 'Happy Times' (2001);
[6PM] 'My Best Fiend' (1999);
[7:45PM] 'IFC in Theaters' (2005);
[8PM] 'Bread And Roses' (2001);
[10PM] 'Dinner For Five #45' (2005);
[10:30PM] 'Film School #8' (2004);
[11PM] 'Affliction' (1997);
[1AM] 'Hav Plenty' (1997);
[2:30AM] 'At the IFC Center #1' (2005);
[3AM] 'Affliction' (1997);
[5AM] 'Chop-Socky: Cinema Hong Kong' (2004). (ALL TIMES EDT)
SciFi has the movie 'Frailty', followed by the movie 'Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2', then the movie 'The Exocist'.
Sundance -
[7AM] 'Held Hostage in Colombia' (Documentary);
[7:50AM] 'Frank Film' (Feature);
[8AM] 'This Charming Man' (Der Er En Yndig Mand) (Feature);
[8:30AM] 'Butterfly' (Documentary);
[10AM] 'World Traveler' (Feature);
[11:45AM] 'Traveler' (Short);
[12PM] 'A Slipping-Down Life' (Feature);
[2PM] 'Divan' (Documentary);
[3:20PM] 'Ford Transit' (Documentary);
[4:30PM] 'This Charming Man' (Der Er En Yndig Mand) (Feature);
[5PM] 'Ginger and Cinnamon' (World Cinema);
[6:40PM] 'Second Skin' (Short);
[7PM 'World Traveler' (Feature);
[8:45PM 'Traveler' (Short);
[9PM] 'A.K.A.';
[11PM] 'A Slipping-Down Life' (Feature);
[1AM] 'Design' (Feature);
[3AM] 'Die Mommie Die!' (Feature);
[4:30AM] 'Anatomy of a Scene: Die Mommie Die!' (Original Production);
[5AM] 'Ford Transit' (Documentary). (ALL TIMES EDT)
TCM:
[6am] 'Beware, My Lovely' (1952);
[7:30am] 'Talk About A Stranger' (1952);
[8:45am] 'Jeopardy' (1953);
[10am] 'Bedevilled' (1955);
[11:30am] 'Postmark For Danger' (1955);
[1pm] 'The Night Of The Hunter' (1955);
[2:45 pm] 'Julie' (1956);
[4:30pm] 'Finger of Guilt' (1956);
[6pm] 'The Seventh Sin' (1957);
[8pm] 'Paths Of Glory' (1957) [View Trailer];
[9:45pm] 'North By Northwest' (1959) [View Trailer];
[12:15am] 'The Miracle of Morgan's Creek' (1944) [View Trailer];
[2am] 'Seven Brides For Seven Brothers' (1954) [View Trailer];
[4am] 'The Time Machine' (1960) [View Trailer]. (ALL TIMES EDT)
Wednesday - 05/25
TCM celebrates the fabulous
Orson Welles all night.
[6am] 'Roberta' (1935) [View Trailer];
[8am] 'Midnight' (1939);
[10am] 'Ninotchka' (1939) [View Trailer];
[12pm] 'The Last Time I Saw Paris' (1954);
[2pm] 'An American in Paris' (1951) [View Trailer];
[4pm] 'Gigi' (1958) [View Trailer];
[6pm] 'Charade' (1963) [View Trailer];
[8pm] 'Journey Into Fear' (1942);
[9:15pm] 'The Stranger' (1946);
[11pm] 'Casino Royale' (1967) [View Trailer];
[1:15am] 'The V.I.P.S' (1963);
[3:30am] 'Duel In The Sun' (1946);. (ALL TIMES EDT)
Any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
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Brazilian singer Gilberto Gil, left, smiles together with Swedish King Carl Gustaf XVI, right, after receiving the Polar Music Prize 2005 from the king at the Stockholm Concert Hall, Sweden, Monday May 23, 2005.
Photo by Henrik Montgomery
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Logic Confounds Wingnut
Bill Maher
A congressman says comedian Bill Maher's comment that the U.S. military has already recruited all the "low-lying fruit" is possibly treasonous and at least grounds to cancel the show.
Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-Wingnut), takes issue with remarks on HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher, first aired May 13, in which Maher points out the Army missed its recruiting goal by 42 percent in April.
"More people joined the Michael Jackson fan club," Maher said. "We've done picked all the low-lying Lynndie England fruit, and now we need warm bodies."
"I think it borders on treason," Bachus said. "In treason, one definition is to undermine the effort or national security of our country."
Bill Maher
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Thanks Thai Doctors
Petra Nemcova
Czech supermodel Petra Nemcova has returned to Thailand to thank doctors and nurses who helped her recover from serious injuries sustained when the tsunami struck the resort island of Phuket.
The 26-year-old model Sunday met with the staff of Songkhla Nagarin Hospital and others who offered their support during her treatment following the Dec. 26 tsunami, which ravaged communities around the Indian Ocean and killed hundreds of thousands, The Nation newspaper said.
While being evacuated from Phuket, where the wave swept through the couple's beach hut, a fellow victim gave Nemcova a necklace with a Buddhist amulet.
"I have worn it till this day," she said.
Petra Nemcova
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Former US President Bill Clinton, left, and Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern meet at the government buildings in Dublin Monday, May 23, 2005.
Photo by Haydn West
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Speaks at Vassar College
Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks told Vassar College graduates that one four-letter word holds the answer to most of life's problems.
Whether it's battling gridlock in Southern California or making sense of the world, Hanks said Sunday any problem in the world can be solved as long as people are willing to help.
"Help and you will make a huge impact in the life of the street, the town, the country and our planet," the Oscar-winning actor said. His daughter, Elizabeth Hanks, was among some 670 graduates in the 141st commencement ceremony at the private liberal arts college in the Hudson Valley.
Tom Hanks
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Unpublished Play Discovered
Jack Kerouac
An unpublished, three-act play by Jack Kerouac, based on his drunken Beat adventures, has been discovered recently and will be excerpted next month in BestLife magazine.
"The part we're excerpting will show Kerouac and Neal Cassady at a racetrack, and they're partying and gambling," Best Life editor-in-chief Stephen Perrine said Monday. "But they're also talking about reincarnation and other obsessions. It's more an exploration of their inner lives."
The entire play will be published this fall by Thunder's Mouth Press.
Jack Kerouac
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U2 Project
Leonard Cohen
The members of U2 took advantage of some down time while in New York City last week to work on a project with one of their musical heroes. Bono, The Edge, Larry Mullen, Jr., and Adam Clayton joined singer-songwriter Leonard Cohen at The Slipperoom Club in downtown Manhattan, where Bono and Cohen duetted on the Cohen track called "Tower Of Song," according to u2.com. The performance was shot for a documentary being put together on Cohen.
It wasn't the first time Bono has done a Cohen song. He did a version of Cohen's "Hallelujah" on the 1995 tribute album called Tower Of Song: The Songs Of Leonard Cohen. That project also featured Don Henley, Elton John, Billy Joel, and Peter Gabriel.
Leonard Cohen
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Britain's WWII singer Dame Vera Lynn (C) sings with Chelsea pensioners as they stand in their very own garden at the Chelsea Flower show in London May 23, 2005. The Royal Horticultural Society's Spring show is more than 160 years old and has been held at the Royal Hospital Chelsea since 1913.
Photo by Kieran Doherty
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New Lassie Movie
Peter O'Toole
Peter O'Toole, whose screen credits include Lawrence of Arabia, The Lion in Winter and Goodbye, Mr. Chips, will star in Lassie, a new adaptation of the 1938 novel Lassie Come Home by Eric Knight.
The 72-year-old actor will play the Duke of Rudling. He will co-star with Samantha Morton and Peter Dinklage.
Directed by Charles Sturridge, the movie was to begin shooting Monday on location in Ireland and the Isle of Man. In it, the Carraclough family, who live in a Yorkshire, England, mining town, fall on hard times on the eve of the Second World War, forcing them to sell their beloved dog to the Duke of Rudling, who lives in a remote castle on the northern coast of Scotland. Lassie then embarks on a long journey of several hundred kilometres to return to her family.
Peter O'Toole
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Named New Face of Estee Lauder
Gwyneth Paltrow
Perhaps looking to capitalize on that "new mom" glow, Estee Lauder has named Gwyneth Paltrow as one of the faces of the makeup and fragrance brand.
The Oscar-winning actress has signed a multiyear contract. She will first appear in a new global print and TV ad campaign to begin this holiday season for Pleasures fragrance, Estee Lauder announced Monday.
Elizabeth Hurley, the primary spokesmodel for Estee Lauder since 1995, when Pleasures was launched, will become the new face of the company's Re-Nutriv skin care line. Models Liya Kebede and Carolyn Murphy remain as representatives of various Estee Lauder products.
Gwyneth Paltrow
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His Own Game Show
Ken Jennings
More than pride, a cottage industry may be at stake when "Jeopardy!" ace Ken Jennings takes on two challengers in the game show's $2 million challenge that airs this week.
Comedy Central said Monday it has signed Jennings to be the central figure in a new game show the channel is developing with Michael Davies, the producer behind "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire."
Comedy Central hasn't aired a game show since "Win Ben Stein's Money" stopped in 2003. In that show, the former speechwriter for President Nixon matched up against challengers who thought they were smarter.
Ken Jennings
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I'm Pissed
(formerly 'The Vidiot')
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Gun History To Be Heard
Phil Spector
Four women who claim that Phil Spector pointed guns at them during dates will be allowed to testify when the record producer stands trial on charges of shooting dead an actress at his mansion, a judge ruled on Monday.
Los Angeles Superior Court judge Larry Fidler said the prosecution could call the four women as part of its case against Spector, who has denied murdering an actress he picked up in a Los Angeles nightclub in February 2003.
The ruling was a setback for the reclusive Spector, who prosecutors allege has a history of gun-related violence against women and others.
Phil Spector
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Paragliders are seen above the Swiss Alps during the Swiss Paragliding Championships near Lenk, western Switzerland Sunday, May 22, 2005, in this photo taken by a fellow paraglider and made available Monday May 23, 2005.
Photo by Martin Scheel
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Sex Sells
Paris Hilton
A Web site touting Paris Hilton's racy television spot for burger chain Carl's Jr. crashed for four hours as Internet surfers raced to see the seductive swimsuit-clad socialite doused in suds.
The 30-second commercial, which features the hotel heiress washing a Bentley and chomping on Carl's Jr.'s Spicy BBQ Burger in a stringy black swimsuit, has generated media attention since hitting the TV airwaves last Thursday.
It was not the first time Hilton, star of the Fox reality TV series "The Simple Life," has created a stir online. In late 2003, a homemade sex video of her with an ex-boyfriend spread rapidly via the Internet, making Hilton a household name.
Paris Hilton
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A polar bear jumps into the water over a bear cub at St. Petersburg's zoo May 23, 2005. The temperature in the city jumped to 26 degrees Celsius (78.8 Fahrenheit) on Monday.
Photo by Alexander Demianchuk
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Moves On From Dr Who
Billie Piper
It's not going well for Doctor Who - after another big name decides to quit the show.This time, it's the glamorous Billie Piper - who plays the Doctor's sidekick Rose Tyler - who's moving on. It seems that the TV series has helped further her acting career and now she wants to get involved in other projects.
A BBC insider told The Sun: "Billie's really proved herself as an actress in Doctor Who and she's been bombarded with offers of work both in England and in America."
It's claimed that she could appear in just three episodes of the new series, which begins filming in July, but programme bosses hope she'll stick around for seven.
Billie Piper
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In Memory
Howard Morris
Comic actor Howard Morris, best known for his portrayal of Ernest T. Bass on the Andy Griffith Show, died at his home in the Hollywood section of Los Angeles. He was 85.
Morris died Saturday of natural causes, his son David said Monday.
Morris enjoyed a long and varied career in show business, from being a key player in the acting ensemble of Sid Caesar's "Your Show of Shows" in the 1950s, to his stint on the Griffith Show, to providing voices for dozens of animated characters, including Beetle Bailey and Atom Ant.
He also directed TV shows and films, including the pilot episode of the Mel Brooks series "Get Smart," the Doris Day film "With Six you get Eggroll," and the film version of Woody Allen's "Don't Drink the Water," starring Jackie Gleason.
But it was probably as the love-challenged, poetry-spouting hillbilly on "The Andy Griffith Show" that most people remember Morris. His fan Web site is named for the character that appeared in only a handful of episodes, but made a large impact with viewers.
Morris was born in the Bronx, New York, on Sept. 4, 1919. He served in the entertainment unit of the U.S. Army during World War II, stationed in Hawaii.
In the 1950s, he joined a comedy sketch group including Carl Reiner and Imogene Coca on several TV variety shows, including "Admiral Broadway Review," "Your Show of Shows" and "Caesar's Hour."
After his work on "The Andy Griffith Show," Morris provided the voices of possums, birds, monkeys, cats and alligators on several animated TV shows. He is credited as the "third buffalo" in a Flintstones episode that aired in 1963.
Also in 1963, Morris played the nebbish character "George P. Hanley" on an episode of "The Twilight Zone" entitled "I Dream of Genie." Hanley, hopelessly inept in social situations, is given one wish by a genie that appears after he rubs a lamp. After considering and rejecting numerous options, Hanley's wish is granted - he becomes the genie.
Morris was married and divorced five times. His son David, 39, is a director of TV commercials.
Howard Morris
The Ernest T. Bass Web site
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The National Zoo's first litter of cheetah cubs, born on Nov. 23, 2004, test out their reputation as the world's fastest land mammals on May 18, 2005. The cubs turned 6 months old on May 23, 2005, and are on exhibit at the National Zoo's Cheetah Conservation Station in Washington.
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Welcome !
You have reached the Home page of BartCop Entertainment.
Make yourself home, take your shoes off...
Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.
The idea is to have fun.
Do you have something to say?
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better,
amused or entertained?
Do you have a great album no one's heard?
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?
A popular artist that just plain pisses you off?
A box set the whole world should own?
Vile, filthy rumors about Republican musicians?
Just plain vile, filthy rumors?
This is your place.
(In other words, submissions are welcome.)
Send mail to Marty
( SuprmChaos@yahoo.com )
Or this Marty
( SuprmChaos@aol.com )
Or this Marty
( SuprmChaos@hotmail.com )
Or this Marty
( marty@suprmchaos.com )
Thank you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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