'TBH Politoons'
This just in...
Humor Gazette
Tired of devoting day after day to a selfless, monastic existence serving the Lord but never receiving the adulation of the masses?
We are a centuries-old religious institution with a billion loyal, guilt-ridden followers seeking dynamic, saintly CEO-type to take our organization "to the next level" at our busy corporate/spiritual headquarters in Vatican City.
Must be benevolent, wise, tolerant, forgiving, old, celibate, compassionate and authoritative, yet cuddly. Must abhor birth control, abortion, homosexuality and medical research involving human tissue.
Superlative communication skills necessary and proven track record of using the media to generate positive PR in wake of pesky sex-abuse scandal.
For the rest:
Recommended Reading
from Bruce
Nat Hentoff: The CIA's Kidnapping Ring (The Village Voice)
U.S. ally Uzbekistan teaches interrogators how to boil suspected terrorists to death
David Podvin: In the Name of the Lord (Make Them Accountable)
American fundamentalists have repudiated the Jesus of the bible who blathered on endlessly about peace and love and all that other leftist crapola.
Rachel Aviv: When Chloe Met Charlotte (The Village Voice)
MIICRNYCOAGNWMA? The attack of the female campus sex columnist!
Laura Sinagra: Right to Strife (The Village Voice)
Both sides now: Todd Solondz's Palindromes agitates pro-life and pro-choice camps alike
TOM DELAY'S HOUSE OF SCANDAL (Video)
Sign the Petition
To: Democratic leadership. DO NOT COMPROMISE WITH GEORGE BUSH ON SOCIAL SECURITY.
INS Citizenship Test Questions
The Immigration and Naturalization Service administers a test to all immigrants applying for citizenship. For years, these questions have been selected from among the following list of 100. How would you do?
Bob and Ray
Old-Time Radio Shows
and
Old-Time Radio Shows
Reader Comment
Re: Ted Nugent
Don' t you just love how tough these chickenhawks TALK?
This is the guy who didn't have the stones to go to Viet Nam, but I'm
sure that, to this day, he thinks it was a "noble cause" that we
"could've won."
I have a suggestion to Teddy Boy the One Hit Wonder and his NRA
buddies. If you like guns so much and relish the thought of shooting
people, why don't you sign up for Iraq?
No? I thought not.....pussies!
Terry C
NJ
Thanks, Terry!
Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Overcast & cool.
Finale May Be Final
'Arrested Development'
The angst of the Bluth family multiplied in Sunday's season finale of "Arrested Development." But it's nothing compared to what fans will suffer if Fox's unconventional sitcom isn't renewed for a third season.
Despite a best comedy series Emmy and lavish critical praise, the series about a wildly dysfunctional Southern California family has been unable to pull respectable ratings.
A Fox management change also could affect the future of "Arrested Development," which was developed and given a second chance under Fox entertainment chief Gail Berman.
Berman left for a Paramount Studios job and it's uncertain if her replacement, Peter Liguori, will have the same affection for the show. Its fate will be announced when Fox unveils its 2005-06 lineup in May.
Sunday's half-hour ended with scenes from the next episode, the one that would open the fall season. Devotees can only hope the optimism isn't misguided.
'Arrested Development'
Columnist Group Criticizes Probe
'Oopsie!'
National Society of Newspaper Columnists President Suzette Martinez Standring is not impressed with a U.S. Department of Education probe of government money that went to conservative commentator Armstrong Williams.
The probe found that DOE officials showed poor judgment in hiring Williams to promote the No Child Left Behind law, but said there was no evidence of legal or ethical violations, according to a Friday Associated Press story.
E&P asked Standring, as head of the 578-member NSNC, for a reaction to these findings. The self-syndicated columnist e-mailed: "Government and journalistic wordsmiths seem to be at odds regarding the inspector-general's investigation of the Armstrong Williams controversy. I laughed out loud when Education Secretary Margaret Spellings suggested the $240,000 payoff to Williams might have begun as a hint by senior officials, later misread by minions that, in turn, may have led to a 'chain reaction within the building to carry out the request.'"
Standring added: "The report comes across as a chagrined 'oopsie!' It describes Armstrong's hiring to shill for No Child Left Behind policies as 'poor judgment.' We maintain 'ethical lapse.' They say 'mistake,' we say 'abuse.' In our dictionary, the Department of Education's 'public relations minority outreach' is better defined under 'covert propaganda.' You say potahto, I say payola.'"
'Oopsie!'
Moving to ESPN
'Monday Night Football'
The NFL's "Monday Night Football," a hallmark of television sports programming since the days of Howard Cosell, is leaving ABC after 35 years for ESPN starting with the 2006 season.
The NFL's new broadcast deal also brings football back to NBC for the first time in six years. NBC will take over the Sunday night games previously broadcast on ESPN, and plans to use a flexible scheduling model that ensures meaningful games will played in that slot late in the season.
The Monday night move to basic cable, which includes an earlier start time of 8:40 p.m. eastern, is expected to cost ESPN $1.1 billion over eight years, two sources familiar with the deals told The Associated Press on condition of anonymity.
NBC will get the Sunday night package for $600 million over six years, according to the sources. The network will also get the Super Bowl in 2009 and 2012 as part of the deal, one of the sources said.
NBC will devote its entire Sunday night prime-time lineup to the NFL. The Sunday night games will start at 8:15 p.m. eastern and include flexible scheduling for the final seven weeks of the season, details of which will be developed by the league.
'Monday Night Football'
Want Improved History Education
Authors
Pulitzer Prize winners Arthur M. Schlesinger Jr., David McCullough and Gordon Wood are among the historians and scholars who have signed a petition condemning the "inadequate time given to history instruction" and calling on Congress to amend the "No Child Left Behind" act.
"Given the emphasis on reading in the `No Child Left Behind' legislation, we recommend the adoption of guidelines to ensure that the texts used to teach reading include a substantial proportion of biographies and other works of history," reads the petition, also endorsed by such leading historians as Bernard Bailyn, Eric Foner and David Kennedy.
In addition, the petition calls for more money for teacher training so that schools can offer "intensive preparation in the content of history."
Authors
Launching Radio Channel On Sirius
Martha Stewart
Sirius Satellite Radio Inc. said on Monday it plans this year to launch a radio channel with Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia Inc., with active involvement from lifestyle maven Martha Stewart.
Martha Stewart Omnimedia Vice Chairman Charles Koppelman said the four-year exclusive agreement with Sirius would be worth $30 million to his company.
Sirius, which has been recruiting top personalities to compete with bigger rival XM Satellite Radio Holdings Inc., said it expects to boost subscriber growth and advertising revenue by attracting women to the channel.
Martha Stewart
Diagnosed With Leukemia
Tom Snyder
Tom Snyder, a late-night talk show fixture for years, has been diagnosed with leukemia.
Snyder announced on his Web site Friday that doctors have told him that he has chronic lymphocytic leukemia.
"When I was a kid leukemia was a death sentence. Now, my doctors say it's treatable! With pills or chemotherapy or a combination of both," he said.
Snyder, 68, says he had been low on stamina, felt bloated and gained about 50 pounds - all symptoms that led him to seek tests. Coincidentally, he says his younger brother also has been diagnosed with the same disease.
www.colortini.com
Tom Snyder
Becoming Luxury Resort
Brando's Island
It was near where he filmed "Mutiny on the Bounty," and fell in love with his Tahitian co-star. Years later, it was Marlon Brando's retreat, where he would lie on the beach and marvel at the night sky.
As he pondered his own twilight, Brando envisioned sharing his private atoll in French Polynesia.
Celebrities could go there to escape the paparazzi. Each villa could have a Polynesian couple to cook for guests, take them spearfishing, teach the Tahitian names of the plants and birds and play the guitar at night.
Less than a year after his death last July from lung failure at age 80, Brando's vision could be nearer reality.
An environmentally-sensitive 30-bungalow resort, to be called, "The Brando," is scheduled to open in 2008 on Tetiaroa, the island the actor bought in 1965. The only current inhabitant is Brando's son, Teihotu, one of his children with ex-wife Tarita Teriipia.
Brando's Island
Arrest Warrant Issued
Natasha Lyonne
A New York judge issued an arrest warrant on Monday for "American Pie" movie actress Natasha Lyonne, who failed to appear for a court hearing on charges stemming from a rampage during which she was heard threatening to molest a neighbor's dog.
Lyonne, 26, is charged with criminal mischief, harassment and trespass after an unexplained fit of rage last December when authorities said she banged on the door of her neighbor, stormed into the apartment and ripped a mirror from the wall.
Police called to the scene said Lyonne told the neighbor, "I'm going to sexually molest your dog."
Natasha Lyonne
Berlin Techno Music Club Closes
Tresor
With one last thunderous, three-day, non-stop party Berlin's most famous techno music club, Tresor, closed its doors Monday after 14 years.
Founded in 1991, the club rapidly became the top spot in the German capital's underground scene, due in part to its unique location -- the gutted, subterranean vaults of a pre-World War II department store. Tresor is the German word for vault.
It is closing to make way for an office block as re-building on the nearby Potsdamer Platz, the bustling heart of pre-war Berlin that was a wasteland for 40 years, spreads further.
Tresor
Marred by Combs' No-Show
'Diddy Day'
"Diddy Day" was a dud. Sean "P. Diddy" Combs was a no-show at an event scheduled Friday at the Aladdin hotel-casino. Mayor Oscar Goodman had been set to proclaim it "Diddy Day," but plans were scrapped at the last minute when word came that the hip-hop mogul wouldn't attend.
"Due to an unfortunate miscommunication, I will not be able to make the anticipated trip to Las Vegas on April 15," Combs said in a statement. "I am flattered the mayor saw fit to honor me with a day and hope to join him soon."
The event at the V Theatre inside the Desert Passage mall at the Aladdin had been billed as part-ceremony and part-announcement, hinting that Combs would reveal a business venture.
'Diddy Day'
To Pay Coastal Group's Fees
David Geffen
DreamWorks co-founder David Geffen, who fought unsuccessfully for three years to block public access to the beach next to his Malibu home, has agreed to reimburse California and a nonprofit group $300,000 in legal fees.
Geffen agreed in 1983 to build the pathway across his property in exchange for permission to remodel his mansion on Malibu's Carbon Beach.
He built the path, but then refused to unlock its gates, arguing that the beach lacked the needed parking, lifeguards and restrooms to accommodate the public.
David Geffen
Living Up To Name
Andy Dick
Comedian Andy Dick was booted from a comedy club after patrons complained that the 39-year-old exposed himself onstage.
Dick told the Edmonton Journal he was drinking the whole time he was in Edmonton but he didn't think he was drunk on stage. Several people who'd seen his April 1 show said he seemed drunk, the newspaper reported.
Dick says he did expose himself during a bit about a Rolex watch, but says the club management knew it was part of his act.
The club paid him half his $15,000 fee.
Andy Dick
Lawmakers Sticking Close To Deadline
Digital TV
U.S. House Commerce Committee Chairman Joe Barton (R-Corporate Shill) on Monday showed little flexibility in his plans for a Dec. 31, 2006 deadline for television broadcasters to complete their switch to digital signals.
He said he planned to introduce legislation soon with a 2006 deadline and was willing to adjust that date by less than a year despite worries from several members of his own committee that the deadline could hurt consumers.
Under current law, television broadcasters do not have to stop airing their old analog signals and only show digital until the end of 2006 or whenever 85 percent of the country can see the digital signals, whichever comes later.
Digital TV
Reburied After 200 Years
Nelson's Sailors
More than 200 years after the Battle of the Nile, a British naval officer of the time and some of his companions were reburied on Monday in a military cemetery in the nearby Egyptian city of Alexandria.
To the sounds of a Egyptian Navy band and British buglers playing the last post, 35 British sailors and Royal Marines, carried five coffins to the new graves, 15 miles from the island where they were hastily buried around 1800.
Archaeologist Paolo Gallo discovered their remains in shallow graves on an island in Abu Qir bay, east of Alexandria, where British Admiral Horatio Nelson destroyed Napoleon Bonaparte's French fleet in 1798, stranding his army in Egypt.
The remains include the body of Commander James Russell, who served with Nelson, and about 30 others assumed to be either British sailors, soldiers, a woman and some children.
Nelson's Sailors
