Faking contrition. Faking contrition. Cheney feels bad that he shot his good friend. If you don't buy his story, you're a lib'ral Democrat. Leave him alone. This harassment must end.
Watch those right-wing pundits shouting on the TV tube, Claiming that Cheney didn't do nothing wrong. Don't expect them to challenge anything that Cheney does. They'll do Dick's will for a smile or a song...
People ask me how I do it, And I say "There's nothin' to it, You just stand there lookin' cute, And when something moves, you shoot!" And there's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now: Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a pure-bred Guernsey cow.
AND THE COLORED GIRLS SING
Quail to the left of me.
Cheney to the right.
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
"In terms of required difficulty and skill, think of what these guys were doing as 'hunting' in the same sense that you might go hunting for a donut on the way to work tomorrow morning... It's astonishing that the VP was able to hit something other than one of the hundreds of tame birds released for his shootin' pleasure."
"Ultimately, I'm the guy who pulled the trigger and fired the round that hit Harry, and you can talk about all of the other conditions that existed at the time, but that's the bottom line. And there's no - it was not Harry's fault. You can't blame anybody else. I'm the guy who pulled the trigger and shot my friend. And I say that is something I'll never forget."
"Amidst the swirl of outrage, obfuscation and wisecracking, one fundamental flaw in the White House's Cheney shooting story remains. How can a 28-gauge shotgun fired from supposedly 30 yards away cause pellets to become lodged in someone's heart?
"How can a weapon that has little more power than a kids BB gun fire projectiles that in most cases don't penetrate further than an inch into a bird's breast and yet in this instance tore through a hunting vest, clothes underneath, the chest cavity and into the muscle of Whittington's heart?
"Alex Jones has been bird hunting on countless occasions and considers himself an expert. Alex says that it is simply impossible for such a weak shotgun to cause such damage from 30 yards . Alex has used shotguns that are more powerful than the 28-gauge and seen pellets literally bounce off birds and only stun them. It is common practice for birds to be stunned as a result of the pellets not penetrating and it is usually necessary to have to snap the neck to finish them off.
"The only explanation that fits the nature of Whittington's injuries is that Cheney's gun discharged at extremely close range...
"As others have speculated it is likely that Cheney was drunk and he dropped the weapon, causing it to discharge and pepper Whittington at close range. Cheney refused to talk to local police until the next day and the Secret Service made sure the authorities had no access to him. This tells us that Cheney considers himself to be above the law.
"If any other US citizen shot someone in the face would the police be happy to wait 14 hours before talking to them?"
"After being moved out of ICU, the lawyer had a minor heart attack or as Cheney calls it, 'Monday.'" - Danny Gallagher -
"When gutting a moose, use the serrated spoon attachment on your survival knife to scrape any powder burns off the pelt surrounding the close-range entry wound."
"Cheney needs to start setting a less violent example by switching to target practice and leaving animals and people in peace."
- Ingrid Newkirk: PETA President -
"2. Until Democrats approve Medicare reform, we have to make some tough choices for the elderly."
- David Letterman's Top Ten Cheney Excuses for Shooting 78 year old Harry Whittington -
"I had a friend once who accidentally shot pellets into his dog - and I thought he was an idiot."
- Jim Brady -
"We'd advise him to pursue a less violent form of relaxation and get on with the important business of leading the country."
- Wayne Pacelle: president and chief executive of the Humane Society of the United States -
"The entire Cheney hunting accident story stinks. The delay in announcing it is suspicious, obviously. I'll bet Cheney had a few beers in him, but I'm not sure that is illegal in Texas (drinking and hunting is illegal in most states, but I couldn't find out if that includes Texas). But a few other points that may be worth noting...
"Ms. Armstrong claims to have been in the car, but to have witnessed the shooting. If so, that would mean the hunters were fairly close, within eyeshot, which makes it even less likely that Whittington had gotten off a shot at a quail and then there were other quail still waiting around for Cheney to find them. It just does not make sense!"
"He was acting on the best available intelligence at the time."
- Cheney spokesman -
"What is the difference between Dick Cheney and a constipated owl? One hoots but can't shit..."
- the abbreviated spoonster -
"In case you hadn't heard, the Vice President celebrated Darwin's birthday on Sunday by shooting his hunting companion, a 78-year old lawyer. 'Fuck him,' Cheney snarled. 'The dumbass took his eye off me. Survival of the fittest, hombre.'"
"Time to take the shotgun away from grandpa, who's blasted perhaps hundreds of innocent birds into bloody feathers during his life, before he has another senior moment."
"Hey, I'm not going to bust Cheney's chops on shooting that guy at all. I know it's an accident. Because the prey Cheney hunts to eat, he strangles to death with his bare hands. Mmmmm, orphan juice."
"So, what we have is an event shrouded in secrecy for almost 24 hours which, when disclosed, was accompanied by a fawning statement by a Bush apparatchik exonerating Cheney from any and all blame and/or liability. Thus, this appears to be yet another example of the Bush administration attempting to manipulate the press and perhaps hide the truth. What really happened on that ranch yesterday? Who the heck knows? What we do know is that, regardless of what actually happened, the administration spin-doctors immediately jumped in and crafted a story that put Cheney in the best possible light. And the 'traditional media' reported that story without any skepticism whatsoever." - Political Cortex -
"Hamilton, of course, shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."
- Jon Stewart -
"In 2006, Richard Cheney, while on a hunting trip in Texas, became the second vice president to shoot a person while in office."
- Update you're welcome to make at the Wikipedia entry on the Burr-Hamilton duel -
"That's what you think."
- Lyndon Johnson -
"All I can say is what a Harry Whittington."
- Guy Cheney should have shot -
"What it comes down to, I think, is this: While the Vice President is an avid hunter, he may not be particularly up on gun safety. After all, it's not as though he's had any military training."
Bonus factoid: One of Cheney's hunting companions, Pamela Pitzer Willeford, is ex-chairman of the Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board, which is charged with overseeing all public post-secondary education in Texas. According to the Texas Progress Report, Texas currently spends about $745 per student less than the national average, which places Texas 37th in the nation on education spending. Texas currently ranks 47th nationally in average SAT scores. According to Steve Murdock, official state demographer, if present education performance trends continue, by 2040 Texas will have a 40% increase in the poverty rate, a 50% increase in people on welfare, declining average income for households, a 54.3% increase in prison population, and a 36.8% increase of youth in Texas Youth Commission programs. For her outstanding work, Bush appointed her ambassador to Switzerland and Liechtenstein in 2003.
I have come across a copy of the actual accident report which you may view here. Won't somebody with graphic skills turn it into a joke and send it back to me? Stupid question.
Arithmetic from Hell
"The owner of the company that owns the Egyptian Ferry that sankhas been all over the news in Egypt repeating that he will give the families of those who drowned because of his employees' betrayal150,000 [$26,000] per lost victim. The media inform us that this sounds really 'big of him' considering that there was more than 1000 people who were lost in this tragedy, and normally when egyptians die in such accidents no one pays their families shit. "That is, of course, until you do some quick math... "The insurance policy on the ship - according to El Destour - stated that the Insurance company would pay his company $30,000 per victim, and for him to dispense it to the victims himself. "Now, let's do some quick math: $30,000 - $26,000 = $4000. "$4000 x 1000 victims = $4,000,000 dollars that the company is keeping to itself from money it should be giving to the families of the victims. That's EGP 23,000,000 million profit, over the other $4 million dollars he will get from the Insurance company in compensation for the sunken fairy. And let's not even think about how the man will not be obligated to pay the victims' families the other 150,000 EGP unless they show him a death certificate of their lost member, and since the Egyptian Law states that you can not issue such a certificate without a dead body, and most of the dead bodies have not yet been recovered, the man can keep the majority of the money himself for at least 5 more years, since that's how long it takes for the Egyptian law to declare a missing person to be officially dead.
"Of the 19 states that cast their electoral college votes for John Kerry in the 2004 election, 12 received less than a dollar from the federal government for each dollar they paid in taxes, and one (Oregon) broke even. Of the 31 states that voted for George Bush, 25 received more than a dollar for each dollar in federal taxes, and one (Florida) broke even.
"Eight of the top-ten state recipients of federal dollars, on a per capita basis, voted Republican.
"Put another way, over the last decade, blue states collectively paid $1.4 trillion more federal in taxes than they received, while red states received $800 billion more than they paid. Blue states lost $8,916 per capita, while red states gained $8,499 per capita a difference of $17,415."
Just when you thought nothing was more retarded than a hard core Muslim, along come the Mormons. It seems that a rare, severe birth defect is on the rise in an inbred polygamous community on the Utah-Arizona border, according to a doctor who has treated many of the children. Intermarriage among close relatives is producing children who have two copies of a recessive gene for a debilitating condition called fumarase deficiency. The enzyme irregularity causes severe mental retardation, epileptic seizures and other effects that often leaves children unable to take care of themselves.
And might I point out that any religion that can't figure out whether their mentor is named Mohammed or Muhammed has got serious problems from the get-go?
Blatant Plug
At this moment, my submission to the Huffington Post Contagious Festival is the number one gainer. Please help move me up the chart by going there and clicking on "Celebrities vs. the United States Government."
Another Blatant Plug
Okay, fuck every other long distance service and immediately sign up with ECG. I'm so pissed I didn't sign up long ago. Not only is there no monthly charge, not only is their rate a measly 2.5 cents per minute (MUCH less than Verizon, AT&T, MCI, or Sprint), not only do you get a free 1800 number, but 5% of the bill of every customer you refer to their service gets taken off YOUR bill. I swear it works. I just got my first bill from them just to make sure. It was a big $3.19 for about an hour of calls. Call 1-888-869-1141 or visit the link above and sign up. I'm not stupid enough to post my phone number to the net, but write me and I'll give it to you to use as a reference. My bill will go down, then refer others and watch YOUR bill go down. Pretty good deal all around.
Funniest Film of the Week
Maybe if Christians see Jesus, the Musical, they'll burn down some embassies. It's certainly a riot.
So the next time you're making a Bloody Mary, make it a Bloody Mordechai by adding some genuine Jew blood. While you're at it, turn Hamas into hummus by throwing some Arab marrow into your ground chickpeas with a little lemon and garlic. Yum, you can throw a Tupperware intifada that'll be the envy of all your neighbors.
Surely some of you know how to do something. At wikiHow, the world's largest instruction manual, you can not only read clear instructions on how to do just about anything, you can WRITE clear instructions on how to do just about anything, including how to write instructions.
Free Trip to Israel
Israel's Knesset has empowered the State of Israel to criminalize any "holocaust reductionist" in the world who publicly reduces the six million figure of Jews lost in WWII. The government is now authorized to request extradition to Israel of such alleged "hate criminals" from any nation. Want a free trip to Israel? Publicly claim that only 5,999,999 Jews were killed by the Nazis.
Rodney King Memorial
"Can we all get along?"
Site of the Week
For the sake of world peace, someone has created Scandirabia, a website dedicated to finding dates between Scandinavians and Arabs. Coming Soon: Jewlestine.org: Jewish-Palestinian Matchmaking & Hututsi.com: Hutu-Tutsi Friend-Finding Service.
How would Bush react when he saw the video? You'd hand it to him, see. And you would try to not snicker and you'd say, "Here, look at this George." And he'd look at you funny and he's say, "Dude. Like, what's your point?"
Peace
- Joe
Hard to tell. First, someone would have to read it to him. Then, they'd have to explain it. That means the movies would have to be shown, but only the cartoon of The Hobbit would get through. So, they'd have to try again. Which would mean dragging the cartoon back out, reading it to him again and possibly start the process all over again. Once he did understand it, he would be too old to do anything, so I guess it's a moot point....
- James and Katherine Allard
He would certainly go to www.rapturetoday.com and vote for his favorite deity to come and save us from the simple minded.
- Thomas Wurster
He would swear it was a picture of Richard Nixon, and condemn it.
- Watermn
This Very Spot
When this issue of Disinfotainment Today is viewed
at my website, this sentence will be replaced by a graphic sent me by Paul Krassner called "Sign the Apocalypse is Near" that's hilarious and sexual in nature and shouldn't just show up in your e-mail when the kids could be looking but you should see it anyway.
Satan Doesn't Want You to Know
A high-fiber diet keeps you from gaining weight more than a low-fat diet.
Don't Take My Word for It
"World peace cannot be achieved by sitting around on our duffs singing hippie songs to the moon. Peace can only be achieved through excessive acts of seemingly mindless violence. Who do bullies pick on in the playground? The giant, crazy looking guy who looks ready to snap and kill the person nearest or some harmless looking weenie who appears to do anything to avoid conflict? People pick on the weenie because people like to start fights they think they can win. In the same way, people will continue to attack America and our interests when they get the idea that they can piss off America without us immediately eradicating them and everyone around them in the most painful way possible."
"Your purpose is to make your audience see what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt. Relevant detail, couched in concrete, colorful language, is the best way to recreate the incident as it happened and to picture it for the audience."
- Dale Carnegie -
"The OpenNet Initiative (http://www.opennet.net/), an international human rights project linking researchers from the University of Toronto, Harvard Law School and Cambridge University, tracks Internet censorship and the techniques used to evade it. To surf the Web in China and elsewhere without censorship and in marginal safety, said John Palfrey, a Harvard law professor and a member of the initiative, the primary tool is an old standby: the proxy server...
"Elsewhere on the Web, the Electronic Frontier Foundation (http://www.eff.org/) helps maintain Tor, a communications network that helps make Internet communications anonymous, and it appears to be accessible from within China. http://Peacefire.org/ offers a program called The Circumventor that lets anyone turn a Windows-based machine into a proxy, allowing others to use it to circumvent local Internet restrictions...
"Of course, these precious few leaks are most likely little consolation for the dozens of Chinese citizens languishing in prison for saying or doing the wrong thing online. And they are all the more reason that human rights workers keep discussions of circumvention tactics short and vague."
"Bush spoke of a 'goal' of cutting dependence on Middle Eastern oil, failing to mention that US dependence on imported oil and petroleum products increased substantially during his first five years in office, reaching 60 per cent of consumption last year."
"I had my own blog for a while, but I decided to go back to just pointless, incessant barking."
- Cartoon Dog in The New Yorker -
"The world always makes the assumption that the exposure of an error is identical with the discovery of truth - that the error and truth are simply opposite. They are nothing of the sort. What the world turns to, when it is cured on one error, is usually simply another error, and maybe one worse than the first one."
- H.L. Mencken -
"I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good."
- Seneca -
"We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress."
- Will Rogers -
"Virtually everything we need to do to build an economy that will sustain economic progress is already being done in one or more countries. In Europe, for instance, which is leading the world into the wind era, some 40 million people now get their residential electricity from wind farms. The European Wind Energy Association projects that by 2020, half of the region's population - 195 million Europeans -- will be getting their residential electricity from wind."
"You want us to know how you feel. You in the Arab European League published a cartoon of Hitler in bed with Anne Frank so we in the West would understand how offended you were by those Danish cartoons. You at the Iranian newspaper Hamshahri are holding a Holocaust cartoon contest so we'll also know how you feel.
"Well, I saw the Hitler-Anne Frank cartoon: the two have just had sex and Hitler says to her, 'Write this one in your diary, Anne.' But I still don't know how you feel. I still don't feel as if I should burn embassies or behead people or call on God or bin Laden to exterminate my foes. I still don't feel your rage. I don't feel threatened by a sophomoric cartoon, even one as tasteless as that one.
"At first I sympathized with your anger at the Danish cartoons because it's impolite to trample on other people's religious symbols. But as the rage spread and the issue grew more cosmic, many of us in the West were reminded of how vast the chasm is between you and us. There was more talk than ever about a clash of civilizations. We don't just have different ideas; we have a different relationship to ideas."
"By amending our mistakes, we get wisdom. By defending our faults, we betray an unsound mind."
- The Sutra of Hui Neng -
"Don't go by gossip and rumor, nor by what's told you by others, nor by what you hear said, nor even by the authority of your traditional teachings. Don't go by reasoning, nor by inferring one thing from another, nor by argument about methods, nor from liking an opinion, nor from awe of the teacher and thinking he must be deferred to.
"Instead, when you know from within yourselves that certain teachings are not good, that when put into practice they lead to loss and suffering, you must then trust yourselves and reject them."
- Buddha: Anguttara Nikaya -
"I have always thought the suicide should bump off at least one swine before taking off for parts unknown."
- Ezra Pound (Palestinian poet) -
"Sometimes I think it would be weird if there were a skyscraper that moved up and down while its elevator stayed in place. So if you wanted to go to the ninety-fifth floor, you'd press the 95 button and the ninety-fifth floor would come to you."
- Jonathan Safran Foer: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close -
"It is becoming evident that the majority of the men held in Guantanamo were not, in fact, captured in battle. A study of individual detainee cases published recently by the National Journal argued persuasively that more than half of the detainees currently in Guantanamo were abducted in the mountains of Pakistan by warlords who handed them over to U.S. forces for cash rewards, sometimes $1,000 a head. At a time when U.S. forces were unable to find Osama bin Laden, and were desperate to find enemy soldiers in the mountainous caves of Pakistan and Afghanistan, tribal informers apparently had a field day pointing to their own enemies as a way to supply human chattel, who ended up in Guantanamo.
"Many of their individual case files suggest that government lawyers felt pressured to find, or invent, evidence that detainees actually knew something about Al Qaeda operations. One Yemeni prisoner was interrogated so roughly that, according to the National Journal, he finally said in exasperation, 'OK, I saw Bin Laden five times: three times on Al Jazeera and twice on Yemeni news.' His 'admission' was duly recorded in a case file: 'Detainee admitted to knowing Osama bin Laden.'"
"Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are."
- Benjamin Franklin -
"Of course, you'd like to take a vacation every week, you know, some exotic place - but you've got to set your priorities - you can't do that. You want do this or do that, go to a fancy restaurant every night, but that's not setting priorities."
"The federal government is on the verge of one of the biggest giveaways of oil and gas in American history, worth an estimated $7 billion over five years. New projections, buried in the Interior Department's just-published budget plan, anticipate that the government will let companies pump about $65 billion worth of oil and natural gas from federal territory over the next five years without paying any royalties to the government."
"You're seeing right now that the president is asking for still more tax cuts, really aimed at the top 1 percent, and you're seeing big cuts in things like student aid. I can't believe they're doing that. They're cutting like $12.7 billion in student loan programs, and I have a suspicion that that is about recruiting. When I travel to Iraq, and talk to the men and women, a lot of them are in there because they need the money to go to college. And if you cut $12.7 billion from student aid, then you're going to force more working poor and middle class kids to consider going into the military. They desperately need recruits because we put ourselves in a bind."
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
- Aristotle -
"A Halliburton subsidiary has just received a $385 million contract from the Department of Homeland Security to provide 'temporary detention and processing capabilities.'
"The contract - announced Jan. 24 by the engineering and construction firm KBR - calls for preparing for 'an emergency influx of immigrants, or to support the rapid development of new programs' in the event of other emergencies, such as 'a natural disaster.' The release offered no details about where Halliburton was to build these facilities, or when...
"'Almost certainly this is preparation for a roundup after the next 9/11 for Mid-Easterners, Muslims and possibly dissenters,' says Daniel Ellsberg, a former military analyst who in 1971 released the Pentagon Papers, the U.S. military's account of its activities in Vietnam. 'They've already done this on a smaller scale, with the "special registration" detentions of immigrant men from Muslim countries, and with Guantanamo.'"
"The extraordinary legal defense of George Bush's domestic spying reads like a blend of Kafka, Le Carr and Mel Brooks.
"In 1996, Governor George W. Bush received a summons to serve on a jury, which would have required his admission that 20 years earlier he had been arrested for drunk driving. Already planning his presidential campaign, he did not want this information made public. His lawyer made the novel argument to the judge that Bush should not have to serve because 'he would not, as governor, be able to pardon the defendant in the future.' (The defendant was a stripper accused of drunk driving.) The judge agreed, and it was not until the closing days of the 2000 campaign that Bush's record surfaced. On Monday, the same lawyer, Alberto Gonzales - now attorney general - appeared before the senate judiciary committee to defend 'the client.' as he called the president.
"Gonzales was the sole witness called to explain Bush's warrantless domestic spying, in obvious violation of the foreign intelligence surveillance act (Fisa) and circumvention of the special court created to administer it. The scene at the Senate was acted as though scripted partly by Kafka, partly by Mel Brooks, and partly by John le Carr. After not being sworn in, the absence of oath-taking having been insisted upon by the Republicans, Gonzales offered legal reasoning even more imaginative than that he used to get Bush off jury duty: a melange of mendacity, absurdity and mystery."
"Among the anti-Nazi undergrounds in the Second World War were physically strong boys who thought they could resist all pressure and would never betray their comrades. However, they could not even begin to imagine the perfidious technique of menticide. Repeated pestering, itself, is more destructive than physical torture. The pain of physical torture, as we have said, brings temporary unconsciousness and, consequently, forgetfulness, but when the victim wakes up, the play of anticipation begins. 'Will it happen again? Can I stand it any more?' Anticipation paralyzes the will. Suicidal thoughts and identifications with death do not help. The foe doesn't let you die but drags you back from the very edge of oblivion. The anticipation of renewed torture increases internal anxieties. 'Who am I to stand all this?' 'Why must I be a hero?' Gradually resistance breaks down.
"The surrender of the mind to its new master does not take place immediately under the impact of duress and exhaustion. The inquisitor knows that in the period of temporary relaxation of pressure, during which the victim will rehearse and repeat the torture experience in himself, the final surrender is prepared. During that tension of rumination and anticipation, the deeply hidden wish to give in grows. The action of continual repetition of stupid questions, reiterated for days and days, exhausts the mind till it gives the answers the inquisitor wants to have.
"In addition to the weapon of mental exhaustion, he plays on the physical exhaustion of the senses. He may use penetrating, excruciating noises or a constant strong flashlight that blinds the eyes. The need to close the eyes or to get away from the noises confuses the mental orientation of the victim. He loses his balance and feelings of self-confidence. He yearns for sleep and can do nothing else but surrender. The infantile desire to become part of the threatening giant machine, to become one with the forces that are so much stronger than the prisoner has won.
"It is an unequivocal surrender: 'Do with me what you want. From now on I am you.'"
dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form, preferably parchment. It consists of information from dozens of sources, cut up, thrown in the air, and recycled randomly. It is sent all over the place, so I apologize if you're seeing the same thing twice. If you see a joke, graphic, or news item that came from or through you, thanks, send more, and please accept the fact that much of dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is unacknowledgeable, and if I sought permission from everyone whose bastardized material showed up here, I'd never get anything else done. Please note that I don't even put my own name on it. If you're still pissed off, hey, it's either satire or fair use.
Cheney Hunting Story Filled With Discrepancies (truthdig.com)
The Associated Press (not exactly an ultra-liberal organization) says the account of the vice president's hunting accident is full of inconsistencies. Newsday points out that the medical diagram in Cheney's accident report is incorrect.
Nazi Anti-Jewish Speech VS. Religious Right Anti-Gay Speech (hatecrime.org)
In an effort to see if Senator Wellstone is right - are fundamentalist Christians using anti-gay arguments that echo back to the Nazi era? - this page compares quotes from "The Eternal Jew" with Christian conservatives' modern-day quotes about gay Americans.
David Englin: Marriage Amendment = Gays Not Welcome in Virginia (raisingkaine.com)
I am blessed with a beautiful and brilliant wife who is the love of my life. In June, Shayna and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary, and I would fight with every ounce of my strength anything that would threaten my marriage. So I would like to know, how exactly civil unions and domestic partnerships and other similar arrangements threaten my marriage?
Trevor Butterworth: Time for the last post (Financial Times)
A group of feisty young writers, known only to millions of readers by their blog names - Gawker, Gizmodo, Wonkette and Defamer - were in a soigne studio in New York's Chelsea district to be photographed for the February issue of Vanity Fair magazine.
Roger Ebert: Answer Man Pet-peeve-a-thon
February 19, 2006
Q. ... If you personally were in charge of remaking the theater experience to win back moviegoers, what changes would you make?
A. Here are a few suggestions: ...
Purple Gene's review of the David Hasselhoff music video of the song "Hooked on a Feeling"
"Beach bum bites Salmon"!!!!!!
Boy, I'm still shaking my head after watching a music video made in 2002 by David Hasselhoff of the old B.J. Thomas song "Hooked on a Feeling"….this has to receive some kind of award for the "oddest" and "strangest" music video….ever…….But first ….how did the "Hass" get here?
David Hasselhoff was born 7/17/52 and played Ukulele, sold shoes and parked cars until 1979 when he landed the role of Dr. Snapper on the daytime Soap "The Young and the Restless". Then NBC gave him a talking car named "Kitt" and changed his name to Michael Knight and the immensely popular series "Knight Rider" (1982) was born.
In 1987, after his car was taken off the air, David went back to his roots and signed a lucrative recording contract with CBS Epic Records and ended up being absolutely HUGE in Germany…..so huge that in 1989 he stood on top of the Berlin wall while a million people watched him sing "Looking for Freedom".
But David got called back to America and was given the role of head lifeguard Mitch Buchannon with the hairy chest on the babelicious beach bikini series "Baywatch" with the likes of Pam Anderson bouncing around the sand paradise saving drowning fools……It was after this show became popular all over the world that David Hasselhoff went into the Guinness Book of Records as "the most watched TV Star in the World" !
But then in 2002 he got back into music and took a song written way back in the 70's by Mark James that had been recorded by everybody from Elvis, to Blue Suede, to Vonda Sheppard to B. J. Thomas….."Hooked on a Feeling"…but he didn't just re-record the song, he made the freakiest video EVER….ya gotta see it to believe it!
CBS begins the night with a RERUN'NCIS', followed by another RERUN'NCIS', then a RERUN'CSI: The Original One'.
Scheduled on a FRESHDave are Matthew Fox, Brian Regan, and Broadway's Jersey Boys.
Scheduled on a FRESHCraig are Carl Reiner, Nadine Velasquez, and Gabriel Iglesias.
NBC fills the night with more FRESH (but pre-taped & edited) 'The XX Winter Olympics: Only America Matters Version'.
Scheduled on a FRESHLeno is Dolly Parton.
Conan is pre-empted due to Olympics coverage.
Carson Daly is pre-empted due to Olympics coverage.
ABC opens the night with a RERUN'Jim', followed by a FRESH'Rodney', then a FRESH'Jim', followed by a RERUN'George Lopez', then a FRESH''Boston Legal'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJimmy Kimmel are Kathie Lee Gifford, Yehya Mohamed, and Augustana.
The WB fills the night with the movie 'Final Destination 2'.
Faux has a 2-hour FRESH'American Idol'.
UPN has a RERUN'Get This Party Started', followed by a FRESH'Get This Party Started'.
A&E has 'Cold Case Files', 'Murder On The Tracks', 'Dog The Bounty Hunter', another 'Dog The Bounty Hunter', 'Airline', and another 'Airline'.
AMC offers the movie 'The Jerk', followed by the movie 'Ranbo: First Blood', then the movie 'Insomnia'.
BBC -
[2pm] 'Monty Python's Flying Circus - It's the Arts;
[2:40pm] 'The Office' - Episode 3;
[3:20pm] 'The Office' - Episode 4;
[4pm] 'At Home With the Braithwaites' - Episode 7;
[5pm] 'Monarch of the Glen' - Episode 8;
[6pm] 'BBC World News';
[6:30pm] 'House Invaders' - Episode 15;
[7pm] 'The Benny Hill Show' - Episode 14;
[8pm] 'Cash in the Attic' - Episode 15;
[9pm] 'Bad Girls' - Episode 5;
[10pm] 'Footballers Wives' - Episode 1;
[11pm] 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' - It's the Arts;
[11:40pm] 'Fawlty Towers' - Waldorf Salad;
[12:20am] 'Fawlty Towers' - The Kipper and The Corpse;
[1am] 'Bad Girls' - Episode 5;
[2am] 'Footballers Wives' - Episode 1;
[3am] 'Red Cap' - Ep. 4 Cover Story;
[4am] 'Red Cap' - Ep. 5 Cold War;
[5am] 'Red Cap' - Ep. 6 Payback;
[6am] 'BBC World News'. (ALL TIMES EST)
Bravo has 'West Wing', 'Inside The Actors Studio', and 'Kathy Griffin: Allegedly'.
Comedy Central has 'Comedy Central Presents', 'Reno 911!', an old 'Jon Stewart', an old 'Colbert Report', 'Chappelle's Show', 'South Park', 'Distraction', and 'Mind Of Mencia'.
Scheduled on a FRESHJon Stewart is Sarah Vowell.
Scheduled on a FRESHColbert Report is Lama Surya Das.
History has 'Modern Marvels', 'Road Truckers', 'Man Moment Machine', and 'Weird Weapons: The Axis'.
IFC -
[6AM] Before and After (1996);
[8AM] Ulee's Gold (1997);
[10AM] IFC Short Film Collection II: February (2006);
[12PM] Love & Sex (2000);
[1:30PM] Cherish (2002);
[3:15PM] Ulee's Gold (1997);
[5:15PM] At The IFC Center (2006);
[5:45PM] Love & Sex (2000);
[7:15PM] Cherish (2002);
[9PM] Sweet Sixteen (2002);
[11PM] Hopeless Pictures #9 (2005);
[11:15PM] Greg the Bunny: "The Godpappy" (2005);
[11:30PM] Dinner For Five #48 (2005);
[12AM] Hopeless Pictures #8 (2005);
[12:15AM] Greg the Bunny: "Daddyhood" (2005);
[12:30AM] Dinner For Five #47 (2005);
[1AM] Sweet Sixteen (2002);
[3AM] Hopeless Pictures #9 (2005);
[3:15AM] Greg the Bunny: "The Godpappy" (2005);
[3:30AM] Dinner For Five #48 (2005);
[4AM] Hopeless Pictures #8 (2005);
[4:15AM] Greg the Bunny: "Daddyhood" (2005);
[4:30AM] Dinner For Five #47 (2005);
[5AM] Independent Spirit Award Nomination Show (2005). (ALL TIMES EST)
SciFi has the movie 'Blood Surf', followed by the movie 'Octopus'.
Sundance -
[6:30AM] Mermaids;
[8:20AM] The Man In The Moon;
[10AM] The Last Just Man;
[11:15AM] Childstar;
[1PM] Omagh;
[2:45PM] Love Me If You Dare;
[4:15PM] Le Confessional;
[6PM] Slings and Arrows: Episode 1: Season's End;
[7PM] The Talent Given Us;
[8:40PM] Function at the Junction;
[9PM] Iconoclasts: Ford on Koons;
[9:45PM] Tube Mice;
[10PM] Reconstruction;
[11:30PM] A Fond Kiss;
[1:15AM] Le Confessional;
[3:05AM] I'm Losing You;
[4:50AM] 1 Giant Leap. (ALL TIMES EST)
Barry Gibb (L) and Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees reunite on stage for a fundraising concert in Miami, Florida, in this handout image taken on February 18th, 2006 and released on February 20, 2006. For the first time since the death of their brother Maurice, the Bee Gees performed at a private concert to raise money for the Diabetes Research Institute at their annual Love and Hope event held at the Diplomat Hotel.
The Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror films has announced the nominations for the 32nd annual Saturn Awards.
George Lucas' "Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith" leads the pack with 10 nominations. "Batman Begins" follows closely with nine, while "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe" and " Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" have eight nominations apiece.
In the television categories, ABC's "Lost" and WB Network's "Smallville" received six nominations each. Sci Fi Channel's "Battlestar Galactica" garnered four nominations, while "Stargate SG-1" and "The Triangle" received three nominations apiece.
Contenders for science fiction film are 20th Century Fox's "Fantastic Four" and "Revenge of the Sith," DreamWorks' "The Island," Warner Independent Pictures' "The Jacket," Universal Studios' "Serenity" and Paramount's "War of the Worlds."
The fantasy film nominees are Warner Bros. Pictures' "Batman Begins," "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire," Buena Vista Pictures' "The Chronicles of Narnia," Sony Pictures' "Zathura" and Universal's "King Kong."
Actress Betty White wears a South American python around her wrist at the Los Angeles Zoo Monday, Feb. 20, 2006, in Los Angeles, where she was honored as Ambassador to the Animals by the city for her decades of dedication to the humane treatment of animals.
Photo by Nick Ut
The first issue of The Woody Creeker, a magazine co-edited by Hunter S. Thompson's widow, debuts Monday on the anniversary of the gonzo journalist's death.
The magazine will be available first to people in Woody Creek, where he lived, and will go out to subscribers later this week, Anita Thompson said Sunday.
On Sunday, Anita Thompson made public a rarely seen photograph of her husband at his Web site. She said she was offering the photo as a free download to fans who had asked her about marking the anniversary of her husband's death.
Bono will donate one of his guitars to benefit Brazil's Zero Hunger campaign, the government's official news agency said Monday.
The guitar will be auctioned off after U2's concerts this week in Sao Paulo's Morumbi soccer stadium, according to Agencia Brasil.
The Zero Hunger campaign's goal is to ensure all Brazilians have three meals a day by the end of President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva's presidential term Dec. 31.
A thirty foot (9 metres) inflatable model of the animated film character 'Gromit' is displayed in Trafalgar Square in London, February 20, 2006. The giant representation was being shown to help promote the launch of the DVD of the British film 'Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were Rabbit'.
Photo by Toby Melville
Liza Minnelli has sold her late father Vincente Minnelli's Beverly Hills mansion for 3.5 million dollars with her elderly stepmother still inside it, a newspaper reported.
Oscar-winning director Minnelli, who died in 1986, left the house to his daughter with the stipulation that his widow, the now 98-year-old Lee Minnelli, be allowed to live in it for the rest of her life.
Under the terms of the sale reported by the Los Angeles Times on Sunday, Lee Minnelli will stay on in the 522 square-meter (5,800 square-foot) home and the new owners will hold off on plans to renovate it.
British glam rocker Gary Glitter will go on trial March 2 on charges of committing obscene acts with two underaged girls in Vietnam, the presiding judge said Monday.
The trial is expected to last two days, said Hoang Thanh Tung, who will oversee the trial in southern Ba Ria Vung Tau province.
Tung said the trial will be held in closed session at the request of the girls' families because it involves minors. However, the verdict and possible sentencing will be open to the public, he said.
Yong Huang harvests lettuce that was grown using a new spiralling system created by his Epcot science team at the Epcot Center in Lake Buena Vista, Florida February 20, 2006. Huang and the Epcot team created the agricultural system by combining a 'film' technique of nutrients with a spiral-shaped growing system to produce vertically grown lettuce. Once harvested, the lettuce will be served on salads at Walt Disney's Epcot theme park restaurants.
Photo by Diana Zaluck
Jerome Bettis joined NBC on Sunday as a studio analyst for Sunday night football games.
The former Pittsburgh running back retired after helping the Steelers beat the Seattle Seahawks 21-10 in the Super Bowl this month in his hometown of Detroit.
His first game will be in Pittsburgh on Thursday, Sept. 7, when the Steelers receive their Super Bowl rings.
A letter by author William Faulkner complaining about a screenwriting contract with a Hollywood studio sold today for nearly $18,000, according to auction house Bonhams & Butterfields.
The two-page, typed letter was written by the Nobel prize-winning author of "A Fable" and "Soldiers' Pay" to his agent in August, 1943.
The letter was originally estimated to sell for up to $3,500, according to Bonhams & Butterfields representatives. The final selling price was $17,925.
Orchids hang in the Conservatory at Longwood Gardens in Kennett Square, Pa., Thursday, Feb. 16, 2006. Longwood Gardens is turning 100 this year, and although the official anniversary of its founding isn't until July, visitors will be celebrating the centennial with every new bud that comes to bloom.
Photo by George Widman
Hello Kitty, the feline icon of cuteness, will take to television sets with her friends in a series to be aired in more than 15 countries, the character's creator revealed.
"Hello Kitty, Stamp Village," a 26-part series on the adventures of the mouthless cat and her companions in a forest, will be completed this month and will air in Asia, Europe and North America, the Sanrio company said.
The series to be done in clay animation revolves around Hello Kitty and other Sanrio characters including the red-hooded bunny My Melody and the mischievous penguin Bad Badtz-Maru.
Nearly half of motorists regularly talk to their cars, giving words of encouragement ahead of a long trip and lavishing praise for a job well done at journey's end, according to research on Monday.
A survey of 2,000 owners also found 40 percent thought their car had a personality and was capable of being upset whilst 19 percent worried about how their car was feeling.
The poll, conducted by organisers of July's British International Motor Show found women rather than men tended to have a close relationship with their car. Giving a pet name to their car but not their human partners was admitted to by 20 percent of women
Joel Dorius, one of three professors forced out of Smith College in 1960 for possession of gay pornography, but later exonerated, died at home in San Francisco. He was 87.
Raymond Joel Dorius, who never used his first name, taught English literature at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Harvard and Yale before going to Smith. He then spent 20 years at San Francisco State University, where he retired in 1984.
His career nearly crashed after authorities in Northampton, Mass., searched his home as part of raids on obscenity in the mail ordered by President Eisenhower's postmaster general.
He and another untenured professor, Edward Spofford, had been turned in by Newton Arvin, a tenured literature professor whose home was raided first. What they found - pictures of men in their underwear and diaries of the closeted gay life - were mild by today's standards but considered illegal pornography then.
The three men were charged with possession of pornography and they were suspended from Smith. Arvin was able to retire at half pay, but the school's contracts with Dorius and Spofford were not renewed.
Dorius and Spofford accepted a guilty verdict so they could appeal under Massachusetts law. In 1963, the state's Supreme Court overturned all three convictions.
Smith College never issued a formal apology, but in 2002 school officials established the $100,000 Dorius/Spofford Fund for the Study of Civil Liberties and Freedom of Expression, and the Newton Arvin Prize in American Studies, a $500 annual stipend.
Curt Gowdy, one of the signature voices of sports for a generation and the longtime broadcaster for the Boston Red Sox, died Monday at 86.
Gowdy made his broadcasting debut in 1944 and went on to call 13 World Series and 16 All-Star games.
In 1951 Gowdy became main play-by-play voice on the Red Sox broadcast team. He left the Red Sox in 1966 for a 10-year stint as "Game of the Week" announcer for NBC. He was also the longtime host of the "American Sportsman" series.
Bantu, a fourteen year old male gorilla, plays with Arila in the Chapultepec Zoo in Mexico City, Tuesday , Feb. 14, 2006. Bantu was born in captivity in the zoo and Arila, is on loan from the Zacango Zoo, another Mexican zoo. The park is participating in a program to help the lowland gorilla to procreate as it faces extinction.
Photo by Marco Ugarte
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