Thursday

Top Ramin, night vision scope, solar powered LCD lights (last 100,000 hours)

- Tony

 

Plenty of Zoloft.

- Julien

 

Lorazapam, lots and lots of Lorazapam.

- Stephen Thoemmes

 

1. A box of shattered windshield glass.
2. Salad shooters with which I will arm my army of monkeys.
3. A Bic Lighter. But it needs fluid and a new striker wheel. Also, there's a hole in the plastic thingy. But I'd sell it for $86 OBO (It has sentimental value). Will consider a trade for a squirrel paw.
4. The memory of the $4,300 cash I think I left in the bathroom at a toll oasis on I90-94 Eastbound. If you find it, call Mike. $50 reward.

- David Watson

 

"Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."

- Major T.J. "King" Kong

 

1. Pencils and paper and manual sharpener, natch! -- so I can write about the experience and poke people's eyes out or paper-slap them to death (if required.)
2. Dried fruit and nuts. I'm really NOT into pre-processed foods and could live a lot longer on those than I could live on canned anything.
3. Aspirin. Mountains of them.
4. Vitamins -- powdered (I'll presumably still be able to create saliva, even if I run out of water.)
5. Used (cleaned) plastic Dasani bottles filled with drinkable water and a totally cool hiding place. I'm not going to be carrying a hundred-gallons of water around with me after a crisis and neither, by the way, is anyone else unless they plan to be driving, which may or may not be an available mode of transport, and it may not be a mode for long as gas will be needed too.
6. Disinfotainment Today columns. Fun reading during daylight hours. And a fave book or five. Whatever I can carry.

- Julie

 

Ear plugs. Panicking people whine a lot.

- Locke

 

You think I'm gonna tell you and have you come break down my door to steal it all? How the heck am I gonna profit from it all if I let you steal it?

- Name Withheld By Request

 

"To have hair is human, to forgive baldness, divine."

- watermn

 

"You have nothing to fear but nothing itself"

- chris from boca

 

"A magazine very few people read."

- Locke Milholland

 

    I have a pretty good idea what it is. ;-)

    In less than 12 hours I pickup the rental truck. We're "emigrating" out of Kalifornia to an undisclosed point somewhere North. I'd hoped to meet you, being but an hour East, alas 'twas not to be. Ya never know... you might just find yourself in my neck of the woods one day.

    Very recently a doctor point blank asked me for a quotation. Without a moment's hesitation I bespoke:

    "Solvitor con ambulando."

    It was apt for the situation, it is apropos for many.

    "It is solved by walking."

    For some reason, that quote has supplanted a former favorite, "Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori."

    Too damn much "mori" these days. As for "decorum?" That is perhaps amongst the greatest of lies.

    Carry on the good work. I look forward to every Disinfotainment.

- Herr Bookmonger

PS Esquire? WTF

    As the Romans would put it - qui bono? In other words, who benefits from terrorizing many people to change something? There's your suspect. It was just a fancy way of saying, Follow the money in Latin.* The Romans were a lot of things, but they were not stupid. No one that has an empire like theirs can be considered stupid.

    * Unfortunately, you then need someone with the willingness to do so and the power to do something about it. That's what's sadly missing in the US today.

- Sarek of Vulcan

 

Are the profiteers employing the terrorists?

- chris from boca

 

"It's been a damned effective way of keeping Americans scared to death about everything in their lives and, as we've found out from years of scientific studies and behavioral testing, fear is a prime motivater and a sure way of eliminating any faculty for reasoned judgment, from pushing pills to political platforms. Just consume and cringe, folks! Thank God for the reptilian brain!"

- Signed, Your Corporate Masters

 

What wouldn't they do?

- Waldo

 

How can I make a buck doing something like this?

- watermn

 

It's like mad libs: If the terrorist can make you take off _(noun)_, then they have already _(adj)_.

- Locke Milholland

 

What one thing can I do to screw up everything for everybody else?

- Michelle

 

Robin Hood tried it, William Wallace tried it, Russia tried it, Sweden still suffers from it, Mexico has it and produces nothing but siestas. There is no equality, there is no evening-out of infirmities and disadvantages. Nature is cold and hard. One can only mitigate without opening up a Pandora's box of new problems and without a government to force the issue (which we have now shoving things up our ass daily) motivation for what one needs is the only driving force that propels change and greed is the grease that motivates one to do over and above what is necessary for others to share in raising a standard from poverty to a higher or more tolerable condition. Take away motivation and you create apathy. Moderation of giving, or rather giving the fishing pole not the fish is the answer. Create opportunity, not free cash. Decades of the "Great Society's" handouts have shown you that much.

- watermn

 

No, but If the 10% is who I think we're talking about, I'd be willing to give the 10% over to the Somalian pirates.

- Locke

 

Is the correct answer No? Well yeah it is. The correct answer is no. But on this earth - oh never mind you already know.

- Michelle

J. Edgar Hoover and a select assassination unit of the FBI. James Earl Ray was just a patsy. Or else maybe Soupy Sales.

- VLA

 

His own good heart

- Waldo

 

We the people, in resisting to form a more perfect union.

- Locke

 

Um didn't they execute some guy already? Aren't we supposed to believe he did it? Oh wait - the answer is you and me, right? No sorry that was the Kennedys.

- Michelle

No, Mrs. Premise, it was a conclusion!

- watermn

 

No. But it was an interesting thought.

- Michelle

    Call this an answer?

    Scene: The U.S. Midwest, many years ago while the Vietnam War was still raging. Three teenagers spray paint "Hell No We Won't Go" and a peace sign on the brick wall of a suburban high school. The graffiti is large; the message and symbol are about six feet high and twenty-five feet wide. Some good citizen driving by calls the cops, and describes the car the miscreants were driving. Two police cars chase down the suspects to a local supermarket parking lot. Housewives doing a little late evening shopping before the store closes at ten are greeted to the sight of two cops, one of them with his gun out, while the other is frisking three scruffy, long-haired kids of 17, all of them leaning forward over the one of the squad cars, legs spread apart, hands on heads. One of the late shoppers with her cart full of groceries calls out, "Say, Kenny, is that you?"

    The cop with the gun growls, "This is a criminal investigation, ma'am, and the suspects aren't allowed to talk to you."

    "Says who?" yells Kenny, "That's my next door neighbor. Tell my mom, okay?" But the woman moves on without replying, grimly deciding to mind her own business.

    Another squad car pulls up, and a corpulent gray-haired man with gold braid on his cap gets out. "Frank, put your pistol away," he mutters condescendingly to the young cop with the gun.

    "But these boys are dangerous!" Frank protests.

    "What did they do?"

    "Defaced school property with political stuff."

    "Oh, for God's sake. Petty school vandalism? Put 'em in your car and take 'em in so they can call their parents -- do it NOW!"

    Reluctantly, Frank holsters his gun and takes the boys to the police station. Misdemeanor charges; they were released in an hour. Later, they were fined $25.00 each and sentenced to clean the graffiti off of the brick wall. And they were all grounded for a month by their parents.

    Point of the story? If that had happened these days, Frank probably would have shot Kenny for mouthing off. And gotten away with it.

- VLA

 

If that was a question, this is an answer. Does proving you have a bigger budget make up for having small penises?

- Locke

America is more like a leaky 'Lifeboat' these days than the luxury cruise ship it used to be. I'd trust Tallulah Bankhead to choose the captain, maybe, but not the Nazi naval officer who offered to do all the rowing, and was hoarding his water. Walter Slezak now seems to be in charge of our Ship of State, and he's hiding the compass from the rest of us. Unfortunately, in this new GOP Studios version of the Hitchcock classic, John Hodiak was tossed overboard in the first reel, along with the injured William Bendix.

- VLA

 

No, but long long ago, in an idealistic world, far far away, I thought it more important to vote my conscience than for the best of most possible outcomes and voted Ralph Nader.

- Locke

 

Okay Okay I know this one. The answer here is definitely no. We need a knowledgeable captain. But then again once upon a time I think people used to really listen to what the captain candidates would say and look at what they really did. But then that was before television. Oh not really. That is the fantasy isn't it?

- Michelle

 

That Disinfotainment Today be the official blog for the Republican party. The message would get through eventually, non?

- Waldo

 

I would require that politicians' children be the first ones conscripted into any war their parents voted in favor of. and not just first into service, first into battle. period. then we'll see what is essential to national security and what isn't.

- chris from boca

 

    All elected offices of the land, from assistant dogcatcher to Chief Justice of the United States, President to Constable's Clerk are considered public service, and those holding these positions are considered public servants. No one may seek office. Instead, all of the positions are listed every six years. Each citizen is responsible for naming at least one individual other than themselves into a pool, and swear and affirm that this nominee will feverishly protect rights, the Constitution, simple human decency and those most in need of protection. Every six years, names from this pool are DRAFTED BY LOTTERY into all the positions. At this point, they are compelled to be servants, not citizens. Their food housing and healthcare are paid for. They receive no salary or other benefits of any kind, and must start their lives fresh at the end of the six years, having been sufficiently humbled and enlightened by their experience as servants. As soon as all public office is seen to be as much of an inconvenience and responsibility as jury duty, those offices will cease being corrupted. Once you're drafted, you serve your duty as best you can, affix your name to all the acts put into place under your office (and only written, signed documentation will have the force of law), and try your best to resume your life when you're through. For the rest of your life, your address is public domain and any citizen affected by a law you signed can write to you and, if egregiously affected, seek due payback.

    The exception to this six-year limit are the 535 Congressional seats (House and Senate) and state legislatures and comptrollers. Their term is not limited to time, but to money. They may propose, authorize, lobby for as many bills as they please, with this limit: As soon as they vote for X amount of dollars, say 6 billion in Congress, their term expires and their position filled from the "duly diligent citizen's pool" as soon as the draftee can be sent to the chamber. A Congressperson, legislator or comptroller cannot authorize by vote or signature any bill or expenditure that exceeds his budget limit. Such draftee to office may, after six years, step down if he is within five percent of his budgetary term.

- Jimmy McConnell

• You have the right to cable TV.
• You have the right to sing the blues.
• You have the right to shoot the neighbor's cat with your BB gun when it comes into your yard.
• You have the right to grumble about doing things you don't want to.
• You have the right to watch football on Thanksgiving.
• You have the right to run out of the base path.
• You have the right to eat anything you kill.
• You have the right to piss in the woods.
• You have the right to major in general studies.
• You have the right to cast spells while wearing armor.
• You have the right to overeat, oversleep, and overdress.

Cheers,

- Charles Watkins

 

    Lobbying/Lobbyists/anyone seeking preferential attention will be shot on sight. No one has Special Interests, all are equal, any covert or 'side deals' are hanging offenses.

    Air, water, dirt are freely given by the Creator and shall not be restricted, controlled, taxed or any other method of man-made laws or ownership. What the Creator grows from the dirt, air & water is free & unencumbered, shall not be denied to anyone who nurtures and harvests their labor efforts.
Anyone who damages, taints, or diminishes the Creator's air, water or dirt shall be hung from the Creator's tallest product (tree) as an offering to the Creator for apology.

    Rulers who demand of their followers shall first demonstrate their request voluntarily. IE; Those who call for school children to be drug tested shall first be tested themselves daily as an example and proof of their own clean & honest life style. Lab analysis selected random double blind anonymous by foreign laboratories to assure their quality and reliability. Those who request psychological mental health screening for school children shall first be tested themselves bi-annually as proof of their fitness for their position.
    The mental health screenings to be performed by college Psychology trainees on rotating random selection from every community. The daily drug tests to be performed by random college Law Enforcement students, all to be filmed by college Visual Communication students as part of their course work, to be broadcast on school, educational, & Public TV.
    The DARE students shall select from a hat which community's drug sniffing dog team will be sent weekly to inspect every nook corner & cranny of the White House, Capital, Congress, and all Public Servants private quarters as training and insurance that Government Leaders and their Associates are not at risk of compromise by illegal drug use or storage.

- VLA

 

The Real Bill of Rights

• Amendment I: Congress shall create a new religion that incorporates church and state so that the present reality shall continue on without interruption, by merely replacing the one true God of Christian foundations with that of a dogma that worships money, and make no law prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances unless ordered so revoked by the President of the United States or the government at any time.
• Amendment II: A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bare unsleeved arms, shall not be infringed.
• Amendment III: No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law when the government says so.
• Amendment IV: The right of the people to be secure in their persons, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. Phone calls, cars homes, businesses, and any personal areas shall not be included in these rights.
• Amendment V: No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation. The actual service in time of war or public danger is subject to Presidential decision and can be declared at any time preempting all the above.
• Amendment VI: In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall not enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be not be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have no assistance of counsel for his defense.
• Amendment VII: In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law. The exception being when the President of the United States decides to create a Fascist state and declares otherwise.
• Amendment VIII: Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted, unless terrorism is mentioned in any form, and then such bail shall become unattainable at any cost or time frame.
• Amendment IX: The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people, unless someone mentions terrorism, in which case no one shall retain any rights.
• Amendment X: The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people, until Fundamentalist Christians decide to force their will unto the majority by buying elections of hapless politicians who must dance to the music made by those who have paid the most and therefore enabling the powerful to do their bidding.

- watermn

 

Because we wrote this in the 18th century it should be interpreted in light of new advances and unforeseen societal circumstances far beyond our grasp to predict, but inevitably intended protected rights.

- Locke

 

    I love it! Especially the laws expiring! I've always felt this way.

    Changes would be: Prison officials elected for 4 years and Supreme Court for 12 years (1 term only), but elected by the people, not the Senate. Oh. and the money must be backed by gold. Please. please. please get someone to consider this platform. It's what we the USA and the world needs.

    Thanks,

- Dean

I'd go for a walk.

- chris from boca

 

MUSIC

Jimi Hendrix with the Gil Evan's Orchestra featuring Gene Krupa on drums and Benny Goodman on clarinet at Carnegie Hall IN 1939 performing "Sing, Sing, Sing."

MOVIE

Russ Meyer directs The Wizard of Oz to include lesbian witches, midget vixens, and naked munchkins on acid and Dorothy has to seduce the Wizard to get home.

- watermn

 

    Ling ling the panda for King Kong. It'd be more of an allegory for the times.

    Sarah Michelle Geller and Natalie Portman in Brokeback Mountain. It'd be more of an allegory for my dreams.

- Locke Milholland

    Not I said Dick the Duck.

    Not I said Sam the Katz.

    I am here to represent for the THIRD group; We learned long ago that it is NOT necessary to hold an opinion on every single thing that crosses your radar. Possibles are more flexible, but still insist on the uniquely amerikan notion that holding an opinion = intelligence. The impossibles are utterly convinced of that, and are so terrified that they can't even loosen their sphincters enough to exchange one opinion for another. The momentary gap would be excruciating.

    We feel no compulsion to hold an opinion on each and every subject, that way we can dedicate ourselves to just a few that are important to us, and not give ourselves an anxiety attack over everyone not necessarily agreeing with us. You im/possibles all fret over that way too much. Who cares (much of the time)? You are exhausting.

- Tim Omachi: Atheist pervert

 

Yes, the stuff you make up is entertaining.

- E.