'Best of TBH Politoons'
Breaking Satire
Humor Gazette
Stating that America will run out of gas by 2041 if we do not act now, President Bush last night unveiled an Energy Security reform plan that gives people the option of establishing personal petroleum accounts.
The nation forgot to have an energy strategy for the last few decades so "now we find ourselves in the fix we're in," the president explained during a rare press conference. He said as soon as he heard Americans were worried about high gas prices he invited the Saudi prince out to his ranch to talk about reducing our dependence on foreign sources of oil.
Bush's own quest for black gold began shortly after college when he bummed some capital off his dad's pals and started an oil company called Arbusto. But his drills came up dry and the thing went busto. Energy analysts say it is too early to tell if his military drilling of Iraq will yield dividends.
For the rest:
Recommended Reading
from Bruce
Kate Clinton: Weird Science (The Advocate)
Whoopee! Gals, do not worry if you get an IRS audit!
Kate Clinton: Why Not Hillary? (The Progressive)
OK, I did not leave on the four-year gay cruise that sailed down the Potomac on January 21, nor am I planning to leave the country.
Laura Emerick: Ebert oversees the Overlooked (Chicago Sun-Times)
CHAMPAIGN - URBANA -- Roger Ebert likes to remind filmgoers that this year's field of best picture Oscar nominees could have been called "the movies that no one wanted to make."
ROGER EBERT: Look at Me
Here is a difference, small but not insignificant, between Hollywood and French films.
Andrew Tobias on Living Wills and The Prince and the Pauper
The Official Frist Filibuster Webcam @ Princeton University
Funny Headline
Occupational Outlook Handbook
Michelle Malkin is making sense (Satire)
Bush Approval Ratings (Graph)
Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Sunny, clear & breezy.
30-some pictures were released under Freedom of Information yesterday - they can be seen
here
Republican Bastards Stonewall Road Naming
Willie Nelson
Singer Willie Nelson's name is off the road again.
A state legislator had proposed naming a 49-mile stretch of Texas Highway 130 being built around Austin in Nelson's honor.
But two Republican senators, Steve Odgen of Bryan and Jeff Wentworth of San Antonio, said they didn't want Nelson's name on the road that crosses their districts, citing the musician's fondness for drinking and smoking, and active campaigning for Democratic candidates.
"It's frustrating, and sad in a way, but at this point, there is no reason to make this an unpleasant experience for anyone, especially Willie, so I'll take no further action on the bill," Sen. Gonzalo Barrientos, an Austin Democrat and the bill's author, said Wednesday.
Willie Nelson
Air America Hijacked In Ohio
WANR
Incidents Wednesday and Thursday turned WANR-AM (Warren, Ohio) into an off-the-Air America affiliate.
Station manager Tim Continenza said a person known to management and one or more accomplices entered the studio on Courthouse Square after 9 a.m. Wednesday.
"We had a board operator (on duty) who, with permission, locked the building and left to run an errand,'' Continenza said. "When he returned, they were in control of the radio station ... They posted signs that Beacon Broadcasting was under new management. They changed the locks and changed the programming.''
The station switched its format earlier this month to programming primarily from Air America, a liberal/progressive syndicated talk radio network currently heard in 53 markets nationwide and on satellite and Internet radio.
No charges have been filed in connection with the incident, but Continenza said they notified the FCC that they did not have control of the station for several hours Wednesday, and they have been in contact with Air America officials in New York.
WANR
Dissing Pigboy
Claymates
After expressing his distaste for American Idol in no uncertain terms earlier this week, Rush Limbaugh (R-Junkie) was flooded with criticism from Clay Aiken's outraged fanbase.
"I have never, ever seen American Idol," the hate radio show host said earlier this week. "I don't need to see recycled amateur shows, I deal with enough amateurs every day in my life anyway."
Those remarks launched an attack on Limbaugh by multitudes of Aiken fans, who took it upon themselves to overload the radio host with hate mail, informing him that the season two Idol runner-up was no amateur.
By Wednesday, Limbaugh--not usually known for backing down--was ready to surrender and make nice by issuing an apology to Claymates everywhere on his Website.
"I have been getting swamped," Limbaugh stated on his Website. "Apparently there's a fan group out there for Clay Aiken, and I am getting swamped because I have dissed Clay Aiken, that he is different, that he is better. And I didn't mean to diss anybody. I was just expressing in passionate terms why I don't watch American Idol. I'm not putting it down. If you like it, that's fine. I know that I'm in the minority on this, and as a minority I have rights. And I have the right here to tell you I don't like it.
"So if you like Clay Aiken, that's fine. If you love Clay Aiken, that's fine. Unfortunately because of my hearing I can't tell the difference between Clay Aiken and anybody else I've never heard sing before. That's another reason I don't watch the show. It's music and it's new music. I can't hear it anyway, doesn't make any sense to me."
Claymates
Raise Funds for MS
Beverly Sills & Carol Burnett
This week, Beverly Sills and Carol Burnett were together again in public - this time to raise funds for multiple sclerosis, a chronic disease of the nervous system that afflicts Sills' 45-year-old daughter, Meredith "Muffy" Greenough.
Guests for the event at the New York Marriott Marquis in Times Square included country music star Clay Walker, who was diagnosed with the illness nine years ago and keeps it in check with daily injections of Copaxone.
With Marvin Hamlisch at the keyboard, the evening organized by the MS society's New York chapter raised $1 million for research, programs and services related to the disease, which affects about 400,000 people in the United States.
Beverly Sills & Carol Burnett
ABC Renews, NBC Cancels
Pickups
ABC has extended its string of early pickups with next-season orders for the James Belushi-starring sitcom "According to Jim" and "America's Funniest Home Videos."
The two join previously picked up "Alias," "Boston Legal," "Desperate Housewives," "Lost" and "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," with a nod to hot midseason entry "Grey's Anatomy" considered imminent.
Meanwhile, word is that the fate of NBC's "American Dreams" has now been sealed, and the period drama, long considered a long shot for renewal, will not return next season. NBC declined comment Thursday.
Pickups
Auction
Art
The first major work by iconic American artist Edward Hopper to be auctioned in more than a decade and a newly rediscovered Kandinsky masterpiece are among the highlights of spring art sales in New York.
Christie's pre-sale estimates show the contemporary auction on par with the normally more lucrative Impressionist and modern sale, each set to take in $110 million to $150 million.
The Hopper at Christie's is a 1965 oil-on-canvas "Train Car," his first major piece auctioned since the early 1990s and one of the last in private hands. Estimated at about $15 million, it evokes themes of his seminal works: solitude, moody atmosphere, and awash in saturated light.
Wassily Kandinsky's "Two Riders and Reclining Figure," a vibrant 1909-10 composition, was unseen for nearly a century and virtually unknown until recently. Sotheby's expects the oil-on-millboard to fetch between $15 million and $25 million.
Art
Screening Restored Cinema Classics
Cannes
Restored films by three cinema giants are to be screened on the sidelines of the Cannes film festival, organisers said.
This year's Cannes Classics will pay homage to the work of 1950s movie hero James Dean, British director Michael Powell and French filmmaker Jean Renoir.
The festival will also honour the work of the Film Foundation -- founded by Martin Scorsese in 1990 with Woody Allen, Francis Ford Coppola, Stanley Kubrick, George Lucas, Sydney Pollack, Robert Redford, Steven Spielberg, Robert Altman and Clint Eastwood with the aim of restoring old films -- with a screening of a restored version of Jean Renoir's 1951 film "The River".
Cannes
Missing Daytime Emmys
Bob Barker
Veteran game show host Bob Barker will miss his chance to attend next month's Daytime Emmy Awards ceremony because he's getting a cancerous lesion removed from his back.
Barker, 81, said he's had bouts with skin cancer in the past because of a lifetime of sunbathing, particularly his summer months spent shirtless growing up in South Dakota.
Barker is scheduling his surgery around a week off from taping "The Price is Right," when he was supposed to come to New York to see if he'll win his 14th Emmy as best game show host.
Bob Barker
Settles Bus Waste Case
Dave Matthews Band
The Dave Matthews Band, settling a lawsuit stemming from human waste dumped from a tour bus onto people touring the Chicago River, has agreed to pay $200,000 to an environmental fund and take measures to avoid a repeat of the incident, the Illinois attorney general said Friday.
The bus was crossing a bridge last summer when the waste poured through metal grates onto the open deck of an architectural tour boat carrying more than 100 passengers. The agreement with Attorney General Lisa Madigan does not settle several personal-injury lawsuits that also have been filed.
Last month, driver Stefan Wohl was sentenced to probation and community service after he pleaded guilty to reckless conduct and discharging contaminates to cause water pollution. Band spokesman John Vlautin said Wohl has been fired.
Dave Matthews Band
Spinning Off Concert Unit
Clear Channel
Clear Channel Communications Inc. on Friday unveiled plans to split up its media empire by spinning off its entertainment business. The nation's top radio broadcaster also said profit fell by more than half in the first quarter.
The company also plans to sell 10 percent of its outdoor-advertising unit in an initial public offering, and said it will pay out a special dividend of $3 per share to investors and raise its quarterly distribution by 50 percent, beginning July 15.
Following the breakup, Clear Channel Entertainment - which puts on concerts and sporting events - will have more flexibility as a separate and "largely unregulated" public company, Clear Channel said.
Clear Channel
Uninvited to WHCA Dinner
Jimmy/Jeff Guckert/Gannon
The former White House correspondent, and reputed male escort, did not get the invitation he had expected to the White House Correspondents Association dinner tomorrow night. Gannon, who quit his job with Talon News earlier this year after two years of covering the White House for the GOP-linked site, told the New York Post that he did not get invited to the annual WHCA gathering, slated for Saturday night in Washington.
Gannon had told E&P several months ago that he was sure to get an invite. But, according to the Post, it did not come through. "It seems to me to be odd to exclude the one person who has brought more attention to the White House press corps than anyone else in years," Gannon told the Post. "Probably many who would want to extend such an invitation already assume I will be in attendance."
Jimmy/Jeff Guckert/Gannon
Top 10
Concert Tours
The Top 10 Concert Tours ranks artists by average box office gross per city and includes the average ticket price for shows in North America. The previous week's ranking is in parentheses. The list is based on data provided to the trade publication Pollstar by concert promoters and venue managers.
1. (1) Eagles; $1,456,042; $96.75.
2. (New) Kenny Chesney; $889,334; $57.03.
3. (2) George Strait; $808,787; $57.00.
4. (New) Rod Stewart; $690,150; $83.85.
5. (3) Cher; $586,171; $66.75.
6. (4) Josh Groban; $550,073; $56.81.
7. (6) Motley Crue; $464,525; $47.46.
8. (7) Yanni; $440,005; $67.96.
9. (9) Larry The Cable Guy; $281,196; $39.31.
10. (New) John Mellencamp; $280,758; $37.05.
Concert Tours
Still Exploding
German Toads
Why are toads puffing up and spontaneously exploding in northern Europe? It began in a posh German neighborhood and has spread across the border into Denmark. It's left onlookers baffled, but one German scientist studying the splattered amphibian remains now has a theory: Hungry crows may be pecking out their livers.
So far, more than 1,000 toad corpses have been found at a pond in Hamburg and in Denmark. But the pond water in Hamburg has been tested, and its quality is no better or worse than elsewhere in the city. The remains have been checked for a virus or bacteria, but none has been found.
Based on the wounds, Frank Mutschmann, a Berlin veterinarian said, it appears that a bird pecks into the toad with its beak between the amphibian's chest and abdominal cavity, and the toad puffs itself up as a natural defense mechanism.
But, because the liver is missing and there's a hole in the toad's body, the blood vessels and lungs burst and the other organs ooze out.
German Toads
Fakes Photo of Pitt, Jolie
Star Magazine
The stars are not aligned at one celebrity tabloid. To match Us Weekly's cover photos of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie together on an African beach, Star magazine doctored two separate oceanside pictures of each actor.
The issue proclaims, "Brad & Angelina: Caught Together! On Vacation." But tucked away on page 8 is a disclaimer noting the image is a "composite of two photographs."
Us Weekly won a bidding war for the real photos by spending a reported $500,000 for the pictures. They show Pitt, Jolie and her 3-year-old son Maddox playing together on a beach in Kenya. Pitt and Jolie aren't shown being affectionate with each other.
Star Magazine
School Mistakes For A Weapon
Huge Burrito
A call about a possible weapon at a middle school prompted police to put armed officers on rooftops, close nearby streets and lock down the school. All over a giant burrito.
Someone called authorities Thursday after seeing a boy carrying something long and wrapped into Marshall Junior High.
The drama ended two hours later when the suspicious item was identified as a 30-inch burrito filled with steak, guacamole, lettuce, salsa and jalapenos and wrapped inside tin foil and a white T-shirt.
The burrito was part of eighth-grader Michael Morrissey's extra-credit assignment to create commercial advertising for a product.
"We had to make up a product and it could have been anything. I made up a restaurant that specialized in oddly large burritos," Morrissey said.
Huge Burrito
In Memory
Kay Walsh
Kay Walsh, a British character actress who starred in several films by her director husband David Lean, has died, British newspapers reported Friday. She was 90.
Born to an Irish family in London, Walsh began her performing career as a chorus girl before moving into films. She was already a busy performer in low-budget pictures when she met Lean in 1936. They married in 1940 - it was her first marriage, and his second, of six.
Walsh starred in Lean's wartime flag-wavers "In Which We Serve" and "This Happy Breed" - both scripted by Noel Coward - before playing doomed, kindhearted Nancy in Lean's 1948 adaptation of Dickens' "Oliver Twist."
Walsh helped her husband with many aspects of his films, including casting and writing. She had a writing credit on Lean's magisterial 1946 version of Dickens' "Great Expectations," and conceived the famous opening scene of "Oliver Twist," in which Oliver's penniless mother gives birth outside a workhouse.
The marriage was not entirely happy; Lean had many affairs, and the couple divorced in 1949. But they remained on good terms. "I only ever had his best interests at heart," Walsh said.
Walsh appeared in more than 50 films, including the Alfred Hitchcock thriller "Stage Fright" with Marlene Dietrich and "The Horse's Mouth" (1958) opposite Alec Guinness. Her final role was in the Cold War drama "Night Crossing" in 1981.
In 1956, Walsh married psychologist Elliott Jaques, who coined the phrase "mid-life crisis." They later divorced, and he died in 2003.
Kay Walsh
In Memory
Chris Candito
Hey Marty, I know you don't cover a lot of professional wrestling, but
there was a pretty major death in the business this week:
Chris Candito, 33, who wrestled for the WWF, WCW, ECW and most
recently TNA passed away the evening of 4/28/2005. He had performed
in the TNA "Lockdown" pay-per view on Sunday night in the opening
match, and suffered a dislocated ankle, a broken tibia, and a broken
fibula in an accident inside the ring. Cadito was said to be in good
sprits after the operation on Monday to insert a metal plate and
screws to fix the injury, and was at TV tapings for the TNA Wrestling
promotion, which shows on Fox Sports Network Friday afternoons and
Saturday evenings.
He was the grandson of Popeye Chuck Richards, who worked the
undercards for the WWWF, and entered the business himself as a
teenager, promoting his own indy shows with friends. He continued to
work with small independents until he was signed by the WWF in 1995.
He worked as "Chip" with his wife Tammy "Sunny" Sytch as the
"Bodydonnas", a pair of evil fitness instructors who made fun of
wreslting fans for being fat and out of shape. Sunny became the first
of the WWF's "Divas", and at one point was the most downloaded woman
on AOL, while Candito wrestled in a tag team with Dr. Tom Pritchard
who went by the name of "Zip", and remained a mid-card team until
Candito's neck was broken in a match.
When he recovered, the WWF offered him a job as a trainer, but being
only 23, he wanted to continue to wrestle and returned to one of the
independent federations he had worked with before his WWF run, and
Eastern Champion Wrestling had become the now legendary Extreme
Championship Wrestling during his absence. He used his real name, and
said that his gimmick was that he didn't need a gimmick. He became
one of the headliners during that company's rise, and soon after Tammy
was released by the WWF, whe arrived to work with him, also using no
gimmick.
As ECW got more national exposure, Candito and Sytch become
unreliable, and and suffered from what is called in the wresling
business "Personal demons", which is usually a euphemism for drug or
alcohol addiction. They left and returned a number of times in the
following years, but were finally let go for good in 1999 as ECW has
just started it's national TV show on TNN (which later became Spike
TV). Candito and his wife continued to work independent shows, later
to be picked up by WCW before it was shut down in 2001.
Candito talked candidly about his addiction to painkillers, his
regrets in wreslting both hurt (he once tore a cast off of his broken
arm, so as not to be cut from a WCW show), and went back to working
independents after cleaning himself up. His wife Sunny left the
business, but he kept working Indy shows until he was recently signed
with TNA. In the past few years, Candito had earned a reputation as
someone who worked hard with younger wreslters, helping them learn how
to work a crowd and put together good matches. Candito was signed
for the ECW reunion shows that will be held in June of this year, and
most in the business (as well as fans) were glad to see he'd put his
personal problems behind him, and was wreslting for USA Pro, IWA
Mid-South, the International Wrestling Cartel out of Pittsburgh, NWA
Cyberspace, Pro Wrestling Unplugged as well as TNA.
Thanks to www.PWInsider.com for most of the information in obituary
Cory
Cory!! Strode (The Best Dressed Man In Comics) has written comic books, novels, jokes for comedians, Op Ed columns, the on-line comic strip
www.Asylumon5thstreet.com and has all kinds of things on his website
www.solitairerose.com
