'Best of TBH Politoons'
Freshly Updated!
Dick Eats Bush
Recommended Reading
from Bruce
PETER JACKSON: Pa. Voters Oust at Least 14 Lawmakers (apnews)
Angry voters were passing out the pink slips in Pennsylvania, where
state lawmakers voted themselves a huge pay raise in the dead of
night last year.
Cristina Page: The War On Sex (TomPaine.com. Posted on Alternet.org)
The groups trying to ban abortion have another plan up their sleeve:
restricting your access to contraception.
G. Pascal Zachary: Your Economy or Your Life (AlterNet.org)
Jared Bernstein explains how Republicans are dividing the spoils
among themselves and leaving the rest of us to fend for ourselves --
and how we can change the trend.
Geov Parrish: Medicare I Can't Afford (seattleweekly.com)
The upshot is that the Medicare prescription drug plan is ghastly
expensive for taxpayers, doesn't cover a lot of what it needs to,
isn't serving and is actually penalizing half the population it's
supposed to serve, and is confusing as hell for anyone who tries to
navigate it. It's a disaster.
Molly Ivins: Rolling Over for Bush
The extent to which corporate power has taken over the country can't
be exaggerated. Thankfully, a slew of young authors know this.
Marcel Berlins: Are we really too scared these days to allow Gypsies
and travellers to be part of our ordered, static society?
(guardian.co.uk)
Must everyone have to be settled in their ticky-tacky little boxes
all the same, as Pete Seeger used to sing?
A future with no bananas? (newscientist.com)
Go bananas while you still can. The world's most popular fruit and
the fourth most important food crop of any sort is in deep trouble.
Its genetic base, the wild bananas and traditional varieties
cultivated in India, has collapsed.
Fun Link
Georgina Bush
Check out the just-posted New Orleans episodes
As (P)resident Bush in drag, you get to share wine with a hot-greased pig or swan-dive after a purse-snatcher into Ol' Man River. As always, the choice is yours.
Can you beat the voodoo?
Reader Suggestion
Gandolfini's Advice for Bush
Hey Marty -
Check out Tony Sopranos Advice for Bush in Iraq
Jim
Thanks, Jim!
Megan Thaler Recaps
'Poseidon'
A recap of Poseidon - why waste $8?
Poseidon [view trailer]
Directed by Wolfgang Petersen
We begin with a lovely pan of the massive cruise ship which serves to immediately remind me that I wish I was enjoying a 17th viewing of Titanic instead of watching this. If you don't admit Titanic rocked, you are dead to me. We pan in to Fake Matthew McConaughey taking a manly jog around the deck. Ooh, he's going to need those healthy lungs later when he holds his breath and swims underwater for approximately 20 minutes at a time! By the way, the CGIed ship looks much more real than Fake Matthew McConaughey with his shiny skin and cerulean eyes.
Now we pan into a Fancy Suite where Not Kate Winslet is making out with some absolute blank of a guy that will prove to be a complete zero throughout this movie. She will remain hopelessly devoted to him for no reason to the bitter end. In Intriguing Human Backstory #1, we discover they are engaged and haven't yet told her father. Zzzzz. Father comes in and we see how scary Kurt Russell looks now. Good Lord. Whoever says Hollywood is only unkind to aging actresses hasn't seen Kurt Russell lately, not to mention Michael Douglas. Facelift Kurt tells NotKate to stop making out, or something. He is also the former Mayor of New York for some reason. I don't know.
It's New Year's and we meet the other people we're going to supposedly "root" for. There is a Plucky Immigrant who has stowed away on the boat to get to New York. She has just a slight enough accent that we associate her with the good immigrants, who work hard and want a better life, and not the bad ones who don't speak any English and steal all our awesome janitor jobs. There's also a Plucky Single Mom with the Requisite "Cute" Kid that always, always, survives, even though we all secretly hate him and keep hoping for his death.
Speaking of plastic surgery and older actors, there's Gay Richard Dreyfuss. We know he's gay because he wears a diamond earring. This is not just a hackneyed disaster movie, it is a progressive, tolerant hackneyed disaster movie. In (Un)Intriguing Human Backstory #2, we learn he's been dumped (by a MAN!) Hey, I guess this time, he's not going to need a bigger boat. It would be awesome if he said at some point "We're gonna need a right-side-up boat!" But he won't. My kitten could write better dialogue than this while pouncing on the keyboard.
The Sacrificial Black Man, who never survives in a story like this and curses the hateful surviving kid from Movie Heaven, in this case is the Captain of the Ship. For some reason he and Fergie from Black Eyed Peas are best friends. The best part of the movie is Kevin Dillon, otherwise known as Drama from Entourage, playing an extremely unsubtle lounge lizard in a ruffled gold tuxedo shirt who likes to smack cocktail waitresses on the hiney.
Here comes the wave! It is Big! It is a Rogue Wave. Apparently Rogue Waves are truly Rogue, with nary a ripple in the ocean before or after them. It hits the big boat. Big boat flips. WOOOHOOO! That was totally money! This part is awesome. Okay, the movie should end there.
Inside the boat people shriek and get tossed around a lot and chairs and tables fall. Everything is now upside-down! CRAZY! Lots of extras die. Of course Useless Boyfriend gets caught under a big pole or something. Very quickly our heroes get together and decide that they have to dig their way out. I am briefly encouraged when Kevin Dillon remains a part of the action, swigging from a flask and hitting on the ladies at inappropriate moments, but God forbid they retain anyone entertaining in the main cast for long and he bites it when the GIANT SHIP ENGINE or something falls through the ceiling on him. Cool! Too bad it wasn't on the kid.
Now there is a giant pool of fire. Fake Matthew McConaughey decides it is a good idea to dive into it and swim around.
Rico from Six Feet Under bites it. Bye, Rico. How ironic. He died on a cruise ship in the series finale of Six Feet Under.
Now they're all stuck in a stupid Die Hard air-conditioning shaft and Plucky Immigrant has completely lost her cool and is shrieking and writhing around. Fake Matthew McConaughey deep-voices that she should stay calm! while he tries to look up her skirt. The stupid kid uses his teeny helpful fingers to unscrew the grate with the Plucky Immigrant's cross necklace. Immigrants are Religious.
They all swim around underwater, down halls, peeking into rooms, lifting up stuff, having arguments, etc. Good Lord, even David Blaine would have drowned long ago. If they are such champion breath-holders, why don't they swim off a balcony and up the side of the boat? They find some random air pocket and all pop up dramatically gasping. Of course the Kid We Secretly Want to Die survived, even with his tiny, tiny lungs.
Oh! Plucky Immigrant, co-named Hot Stowaway by my husband, has bonked her head on something and has created a pool of blood. Gay Richard Dreyfuss manages to drag her up to safety even with his extreme Gayness. Her evening dress has disintegrated into a halter top and miniskirt during their escapades. She's dead! Everyone cries. How did they all get so attached to her? It's not like they've had time to chat.
Fake Matthew McConaughey and Facelift Kurt share a Manly Bonding Moment so you know Kurt will die soon. Gay Richard Dreyfuss looks on with interest but no one wants to bond with him.
Now they're stuck somewhere for a change and the only thing possible to save them is to swim to the propeller, and hit the special stop button, or something. Facelift Kurt gravely says "Chris, I must dive in." Who's Chris? Oh, that stupid boyfriend. Chris is all, "no, I'm younger and I shall do it." Is Useless Boyfriend about to redeem himself and cause me to start using his actual name?
Oh, snap! Facelift Kurt has just plunged into the water while Useless Boyfriend mumbles some time-wasting dialogue to NotKate. This reminds one of Armageddon when Bruce Willis takes the dive for Ben Affleck. Why would any movie rip off Armageddon, and what's with the grizzled fathers killing themselves heroically to save the lives of their daughter's lame boyfriends anyway?
Horrible Kid wah-wahs about loving his mommy while he is stuck behind a grate drowning. She frantically tries to pull off the grate. Will a mother's love bust open the steel? No, that would be silly and implausible. Instead, Kid floats away pretending to be dead, but I think he's just messing with me.
Facelift Kurt frantically swims around in circles in the propeller room and sees a big red STOP button all broken on a fake-looking Sproingy Spring. He curses! Underwater! Like that doesn't waste any highly necessary oxygen. He drowns dramatically and his hand manages to lurch into a big green PORT button. Whatever that means. It probably means something awesome for all those supercool people he died to save.
See, I knew it. Fake Matthew McConaughey pops up heroically with the stupid kid who's wailing away and we're all supposed to be happy. Great.
Propeller action! Propeller scenes are great. Remember in Raiders of the Lost Ark, when that big muscley guy gets hit by the propeller, and it was all SPLAT and Indy was like, gross. That was a good movie. Not like this.
Anyway, Gay Richard Dreyfuss is stupid and pulls some cover off a propeller and GETS BLOWN HARD! Hahahahaha! Anyway, he's BLOWN backwards but he's okay. Then Fake Matthew McConaughey throws a fire extinguisher into the propeller and saves the day.
NotKate stares moodily into the water. I don't think Facelift Kurt is coming back, but don't worry, the combination of Botox and seawater should preserve the corpse nicely for future excavation missions.
They peep out the propeller hole. They made it! Oh, how convenient! There is a lifeboat floating motionlessly next to the boat.
The ship rights itself for a moment! That would have been cool if they hadn't made it out yet. Then they would have been at the bottom again! And they would have been all OH, MAN. That was a hell of a lot of trouble for nothing. Oh, but now the ship sinks. There is a lovely computer-generated shot of it sinking down into the icy depths. Thought bubble above the ship reads "I can't believe Fergie and Rico died and that damn kid survived. I'm coming back for you, Kid."
They shoot a flare, hang out for 2 minutes, and helicopters come. Why wasn't there any making out in this movie? Fake Matthew McConaughey and the Plucky Single Mom have decided to wait for the director's cut. What a gyp. There was not a single steamy car window scene like the one I remember from a CERTAIN movie that was way awesome.
~ Megan
"One's mind must not be so open that one's brain falls out." --Richard Dawkins
Thanks, Megan!
Selected Readings
from that Mad Cat, JD
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Sun didn't quite break through.
Added a new flag - Fiji 
France's Order Of Arts And Letters
Sidney Poitier
France gave Sidney Poitier its highest arts honor Thursday at the Cannes Film Festival, where the culture minister praised the Oscar winner for tearing down barriers for black actors in Hollywood.
Poitier, 79, was named a commander in France's order of arts and letters. In 1964, he became the first black performer in a leading role to win an Academy Award, for "Lilies of the Field."
Poitier thanked his parents, who were field workers in the Bahamas, for giving him a sense of honesty, integrity and compassion.
Sidney Poitier
Movie Campaign To Protect Earth
Al Gore
Al Gore brushes aside talk of another run for the U.S. presidency and wages a new campaign to protect the Earth that he says must be won.
The former Democratic vice president sounds the alarm as a citizen activist armed with his old slide show turned into a Hollywood movie about the threat of global warming.
"We face a planetary emergency," Gore told Reuters in advance of next week's opening in U.S. theaters of his critically acclaimed documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth." It makes the case for the need to reduce carbon dioxide emissions linked to climate change.
Al Gore
Christie's Holding Garage Sale
'Star Trek'
Trekkies will be setting their phasers to "bid" this fall when Christie's holds the first official studio auction of memorabilia from all five "Star Trek" television series and 10 movie spin-offs.
CBS Paramount Television Studios is cleaning out its vaults for the sale, comprising more than 1,000 lots totaling some 4,000 items, to be held from October 5 to 7 in conjunction with the 40th anniversary of the original "Star Trek" series, Christie's announced on Thursday.
Fans and collectors will have a chance to acquire "Star Trek" artifacts ranging from models of the "Starship" USS Enterprise to Capt. James Kirk's uniform or Capt. Jean-Luc Picard's jumpsuit in an auction where Christie's expects to raise more than $3 million.
Other items to hit the block include props, weapons, prosthetics and set dressings unearthed from five Paramount warehouses.
'Star Trek'
Announce Tour Dates
Dixie Chicks
The Dixie Chicks are launching a 43-city North American tour in July to promote their new album, "Taking the Long Way."
The first show will be July 21 in Detroit, and the tour is scheduled to wrap up on Nov. 11 in Tacoma, Wash., the group announced Thursday. Stops include New York City, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles, Dallas, Atlanta and Toronto.
The Columbia label CD goes on sale May 23, and fans who buy it from Target stores will get a passcode to buy four concert tickets before general sales begin in early June.
For a list of tour dates - Dixie Chicks
Tops US Music Charts For First Time
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Funk-rock band the Red Hot Chili Peppers topped the U.S. charts for the first time in its 22-year history on Wednesday, while Neil Young's tirade against resident Bush failed to do much for his sales.
The veteran Canadian rocker's "Living With War" opened at No. 15 with sales of 60,000 units in the week ended May 14, according to data from Nielsen SoundScan. His last album, "Prairie Wind," started at No. 11 last September with 72,000 copies sold its first week.
The Chili Peppers' two-disc set, "Stadium Arcadium," opened with sales of 442,500 copies, a record for the Los Angeles-based quartet.
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Wedding News
Smith - Chapman
The Dog has finally been collared. Duane "Dog" Chapman, star of A&E's reality show "Dog the Bounty Hunter," will marry his longtime sidekick, Beth Smith, in a sunset ceremony Saturday on the Big Island.
The wedding will be featured in an Aug. 14 episode of the show, about Chapman and his tattooed crew of fugitive finders, which is now in its third season.
The self-proclaimed world's best bounty hunter and Smith have been together for 16 years and have two children.
Smith - Chapman
Sues Neighbour
Neil Diamond
Singer Neil Diamond is suing next-door neighbour Marianne Nestor, widow of fashion designer Oleg Cassini, over what he said is illegal construction taking place on the roof of her building.
In papers filed in Manhattan's state Supreme Court, Diamond saids he owns the top-floor apartment of the five-storey building, which gives him exclusive use of the rooftop. The singer of such hits as Sweet Caroline and Song Sung Blue said he undertook extensive renovations of the apartment and roof "to create a serene environment" for himself.
During the renovations, court papers said, Diamond saw a large copper-clad structure and steel beams being erected on the roof of the five-storey building next door owned by Nestor, Cassini's third wife, and her sister Peggy Nestor.
Diamond's lawsuit, which alleges the work was done without proper permits, said the structure, apparently the base for an air conditioning unit, illegally adds four metres to the height to the building. The suit was filed last week and made public Thursday.
Neil Diamond
Banned From The U.K.?
Snoop Dogg
Snoop Dogg has been banned from ever again entering the U.K. following his recent arrest after a fracas at Heathrow Airport, it has been claimed.
The rap superstar was cautioned by police last week, after an incident in the first-class lounge of British Airways in April, in which his entourage clashed with police.
However, it has now been claimed that because of his criminal record in the U.S., Snoop, who has been convicted of drug and gun offences, will not be allowed back into the U.K.
Snoop Dogg
Online Shows A Hit
ABC
Viewers have watched ABC television shows available online about 3 million times since the Walt Disney Co. network launched the free service just over two weeks ago, Disney's chief executive said on Thursday.
The figure provides an early sign of demand for television programs available on the Internet as broadcasters experiment with new ways of reaching viewers.
Each online episode kicks off with a 10-second sponsorship message from a single advertiser. It is followed by three commercials that air during breaks in the program.
ABC
Rare Trees Discovered
American Chestnut
A stand of American chestnut trees that somehow escaped a blight that killed off nearly all their kind in the early 1900s has been discovered along a hiking trail not far from President Franklin D. Roosevelt's Little White House at Warm Springs.
The find has stirred excitement among those working to restore the American chestnut, and raised hopes that scientists might be able to use the pollen to breed hardier chestnut trees.
The largest of the half-dozen or so trees is about 40 feet tall and 20 to 30 years old, and is believed to be the southernmost American chestnut discovered so far that is capable of flowering and producing nuts.
American Chestnut
Giant Slab Found Near Core
Earth's Crust
A huge slab of folded Earth that scientists think used to be part of the ocean floor has been detected near the planet's core.
The discovery supports the theory that Earth's crust is constantly recycled deep into the planet as molten material from below simultaneously pushes up to refresh the surface.
The structure is about 125 miles deep and at least 125 miles wide and 370 miles in the north-south direction. In consistency, it is more like a giant, folding mush of taffy, researchers said today.
The slab began its plunge toward the center of the Earth about 50 million years ago. It is denser than surrounding material, which is why it sinks. Its lower reaches are near the core, about 1,740 miles down. Yet it is still attached to the surface, much like a conveyor belt.
Earth's Crust
Capt. Cook's Ship Found Off Rhode Island?
Endeavour
Four ships from a British fleet used during the Revolutionary War have been found off Rhode Island, and one may be the vessel 18th century explorer Captain James Cook sailed on his epic voyage to Australia, archaeologists said on Tuesday.
Researchers with the Rhode Island Marine Archaeology Project said they believe the four ships, and two others previously discovered, are part of a 13-vessel transport fleet intentionally sunk by the British in Newport Harbor in 1778 to keep French ships from landing to aid the Americans' drive for independence.
According to the team of archaeologists, one of the 13 ships in the sunken British fleet was the "Lord Sandwich," which records show was once the Endeavour, the vessel Cook used to sail the Pacific Ocean, map New Zealand and survey the eastern coast of Australia in 1768-1771.
Endeavour
In Memory
Joan Diener
Joan Diener, the game actress who lustily played Aldonza/Dulcinea in the original Broadway production of Man of La Mancha, died May 13 in Manhattan. She was 76.
Ms. Diener, a blonde who made brunette for the role of Aldonza, would play the role in revivals for many years. As late as 1992 she stepped into the part on Broadway, replacing Sheena Easton. Ms. Diener's husband, Albert Marre, directed the original Broadway staging in 1965. He survives.
For a 1968-69 production of the musical in Brussels and Paris, Ms. Diener sang the role in French opposite Jacques Brel. The French adaptation (book and lyrics) was by Brel. The 1968 French cast recording of L'homme de La Mancha has recently been re-released on the DRG label.
In addition to Albert Marre, survivors include daughter Jennifer Marre, son Adam Marre, and three grandsons, all of Brooklyn.
Joan Diener
In Memory
Lawrence 'Ramrod' Shurtliff
Lawrence "Ramrod" Shurtliff, a longtime crew member for the Grateful Dead, died Wednesday of lung cancer. He was 61.
He got his nickname from Ken Kesey while he was traveling through Mexico with the author and LSD evangelist.
"I am Ramon Rodriguez Rodriguez, the famous Mexican guide," he boasted - and he was known from then on as Ramrod.
Shurtliff joined the Dead in 1967 as a truck driver and was named president of the Grateful Dead board of directors when the rock group incorporated in the '70s. It was a position he held until the death of guitarist Jerry Garcia in 1995.
Shurtliff set up and tore down the band's equipment for every Dead show. He puzzled his way through elaborate situations and circumstances: from the numerous psychedelic dungeons the band played in during the 1960s, to a concert at the base of the Great Pyramids in Egypt in 1977, to the baseball parks the Dead filled during tours of the '80s and '90s.
Lawrence 'Ramrod' Shurtliff
In Memory
Steven C. Marshall
Steven C. Marshall, a sound engineer and inventor who restored the soundtracks of classic films including "Gone With the Wind," died May 6. He was 58.
Marshall died of melanoma at his home in Woodbine, The Washington Post reported. The Haight Funeral Home in Sykesville confirmed Marshall's death.
Marshall, also known as Stephen St. Croix, invented the Marshall Time Modulator, a processor that allowed musicians to modify or multiply their voices. The device was used to help create Darth Vader's voice in the "Star Wars" movies.
He also worked as a rock guitarist and recorded with Stevie Wonder in the mid-1970s for the album "Songs in the Key of Life."
Steven C. Marshall
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