BartCop Entertainment News - Wednesday, 15 August, 2001

(BartCop Entertainment)

15 August, 2001

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From 'Bucky'

It came to pass that once again, Shrubbius had to venture across the Great
Sea to meet with leaders of foreign lands. He embarked on Trireme One to the
nagging and mysterious foreign shores, this time determined to consult with
foreign oracles because consulting with oracles was, well, really cool.

Diplomacy is a strain for the most articulate of humans, so imagine how
Shrubbius felt. The joys of mysterious lands offered little succor, since
escargots and rahmschnitzel are not as comforting as pulled beef and
cornbread. And outside of the great halls, peasants milled in the streets
and chanted polysyllabic words like "globalization" and "accountability,"
which had no place in his vocabulary (i.e., "list of words).

Poor, unfortunate Shrubbius. On this world stage, he felt less than a
player, confronted as he was the the smiley demon and the chortling Gaul. He
felt so isolated! And he wrestled with a difficult question: should he open
the treasury to wizards who claimed they could save human lives, and by
doing so, alienate his own anti-wizard constituency?

Shrubbius found himself in the Eternal City, 2754 a.u.c. In the Forum
Romanum, home to the likes of Crassus and Cicero, he delivered an
unforgettable speech which ended thus: "I know what I believe. I will
continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I
believe is right."

Then Shrubbius consulted the Oracle of Rome. This Oracle, much respected yet
slightly ossified, whispered to Shrubbius of ancient rules and eternal
truths and the right-wing Oracle vote.

Shrubbius came home. He was confused and afraid. He uttered words to his
people, even polysyllabic words to his people, and without context his
people nodded and thought it wise.

Oracles work!

Reader Review

Well, my "Kristen is a ringer" theory is still holding out. As I pointed out last 
week, she's the only one causing any conflict or drama among the team, her first 
time as lifeguard, she sends their smartest member off to possible elimination, 
and up until now, she's gone out twice to play the killer's game and has survived 
both times, defying the odds.

Tonight, she did it again, now making it three times. On top of this, she came up 
with a plan at one point whereby one of the team members could steal a jacket as 
possible evidence. The plan worked, which again makes me think it was a plant. I'm 
not saying that Kristen is the killer -- that would defy the given rules -- but 
there's nothing that says she can't be working for the producers as a mole.

I'm still sticking to my theory on the Pastor, because he's sticking in the 
background for the moment. The bland, anonymous man who doesn't draw attention to 
himself. The reporter and Jimmy are way too obvious to be serious suspects.

And one other thing -- I don't know his name, but we've all seen Tattoo Guy around 
town, the one with the tribal design covering half of his face. Makes me wonder if 
there's some connection between him and the burn victim on the video tape discovered 
tonight. Ask Tattoo Guy who his parents are or why he's got the ink, and the answer 
might be illuminating.

But, in the tradition of TV, I know they're stalling at the midpoint -- presumably, 
there can be no more than five more episodes, so we'll probably see a fixation on 
the current suspects for the next two weeks, at which time one of the big ones 
will be eliminated by the killer, throwing the team a twist. And if the team is 
smart, they'll actually stop sending Kristen out at the end and ignore her efforts 
at trouble making.

But keep your eyes on the priest...

 ~~Jon

Alex's TV Stuff

Irish rockers U2 will bring their "Elevation" tour back to North America for 25 
more gigs.  This will very well make "Elevation" one of the highest grossing 
tours ever.  


"American Pie 2" came out well done from this weekend.  It took the number 1 spot 
with $45.1 million.  "Rush Hour 2" slipped to number 2 spot with $31.5 million.  
Rounding up the top five were "The Princess Diaries" in 3rd place, "The Others" 
in 4th and "The Planet of the Apes" in 5th.  Sunday evening I took my younger 
brother, sister and cousins to go see "American Pie 2", and once again I was 
impressed with a sequel.  Just like "Rush Hour 2" outshine the original in some 
ways, "American Pie 2" to me seemed funnier than the first.  Of course this movie 
is not for everyone.  The jokes, the sexual innuendoes, lesbian encounters, that's 
not for everybody.  I mean you have 5 college guys renting a beach house for the 
summer, you can do the math.  It was a good laugh.


Jennifer Lopez is set to marry her boyfriend later this year.  Friends say that 
invitations have been sent out for an engagement party this weekend, and the 
wedding to follow in the fall.  Look for P Diddy to be shooting up some club in 
New York.  
Check out J.Lo in Stuff Magazine this month: J.Lo


Kathleen Turner is set to reprise her risqué role in the play "The Graduate" this 
time on Broadway.  She will play the middle-aged woman with a drinking problem who 
seduces her daughter's boyfriend.  Alicia Silverstone is being asked to play the 
part of her daughter in the play.  Now, personally, I am all for Alicia Silverstone 
disrobing live on stage, as for Kathleen Turner?  I am not sure.


"Gangs of New York" is the new Martin Scorsese picture coming out later this year.  
It was written by Scorsese, Steve Zaillian (Schindler's List), Jay Cocks (The Age 
of Innocence) and Kenneth Lonergan (Analyze This).  To me, that says a lot about 
the movie, it is a very impressive writing team.  The movie is based on a book by 
Herbert Asbury.  It is about bloody gang wars between Italian and Irish immigrants 
in the mid-1800's.  It stars Leonardo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz, and Liam Neeson 
among others.  
Check out a story here: Gangs of New York

 ~Alex

Visit Alex's site at Alex's Place

NEW!

Check it out at BC Astrology.
Have you checked Ben Affleck's horoscope lately?

Reader Comment

The Scent of Naplam in the Morning

I got to thinking about what someone told me about the primal reptilian scent that 
still lingered in his old crocodile wallet and his alligator shoes, but there is 
no scent that can compare to a woman's pits or to the smell of her teats when she's 
breast feeding, unless it's that which overcomes you when they are cleaning out 
the Tiger's Pit at the Zoo.~~~ha!

So you think you know me?. Ya know, we really don't know anyone, all we can see 
is a little part of ourselves that is reflected in someone else. Now there are 
those who think I'm wise, and others who think I don't know my ass from a hole in 
the ground, but that's what makes the world go around, the difference of 
opinon.~~~~ha!

And there are a few that think I could become famous, but that is like the 'kiss 
of death', with public fame comes a lot of heartaches and pain and no privacy.
 
And when ya get to the top of anything, there is always someone waiting in the
wings, trying to bring you down, and I wouldn't want that for myself, so why 
would I wish that on anyone? I couldn't stand the probing eye of the press, 
looking over the rotten mess that was my life, its bad enough to have my wife to 
remind me. 

So I'd rather be a clown or an unknown poet, signing my work with the 
signature.~~~"Anonymous"
                                             
				Regards
                                                    
					ShadowCatcher

 

BartCop TV Is Here!

Visit the site at BC TV

The 'Vidiot', has been hard at work, and has a lot to show for the effort!


The Vidiot.

Check out all the pages.

Week In Review

WEEKLY REVIEW

President George W. Bush defended his monthlong Texas vacation after a poll showed 
a majority of Americans disapproved: "I'm working on lots of issues," he said. 
"National security matters." By the time the President returns to Washington, D.C., 
on Labor Day, he will have spent almost half his presidency at vacation spots. 
President Bush announced that he would permit federal research on human stem cells,
though the restrictions he imposed amounted to a ban. The Day My Bum Went Psycho, 
a children's book by Andy Griffiths, was removed from a literacy campaign by 
Australian education officials, who said that the book, which includes a character 
called the Great Unwiped Bum, was inappropriate. "It's just a piece of nonsense to 
entertain children," the author told reporters. "It's just that bums are attempting 
to take over the world." Three teens in Baltimore were charged with murder in
connection with a four-month bum-stomping spree that resulted in three deaths. A 
homeless man in Brooklyn fell to his death while defecating into a manhole he 
habitually used as a toilet. A New Jersey woman fell 200 feet off a cliff and died 
after she stopped along an interstate in Pennsylvania to relieve herself. The 
accident occurred just three miles from the next rest area. A German businessman 
was planning to sell toilet paper in Britain printed with images of the Queen and
Margaret Thatcher. Former president Bill Clinton sold his book to Alfred A. Knopf 
for over $10 million. Singapore's highest Islamic authorities declared that Muslim 
men, who can divorce their wives by stating "I divorce you" three times in quick 
succession, may not do so via cell phone text messages. In Nigeria, an Islamic 
court refused to allow a woman to divorce her husband because his penis was too
large.... 
[ continued at Weekly Review ]

Radio News

Pagesix.com is reporting   "HOWARD Stern says Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling blew 
his last chance to get back on Stern's payroll by playing the victim and "moaning" 
to The Post's Page Six on Sunday. 

"I have a TV project I'm producing that I was thinking of perhaps hiring Jackie to 
write for, but after reading the article I don't want anything to do with this guy," 
Stern told listeners yesterday. 

"When a guy leaves and says he doesn't care, I take him at his word," Stern said. "I 
mean, who knew this was a game?" 

Martling, 53, was believed to be making a six-figure salary at the end of his 15-year 
association with Stern, but Stern claims Martling's ego was bigger than any paycheck. 

"This wasn't about money," Stern said. "This was about teaching me some bizarre 
lesson - that he's the show and he's the guy." 

To read the latest installment, Howard vs. Jackie, Round 2 

Music News

Pioneer Delta bluesman Robert Johnson, who legend says made a deal with the devil 
so he could play guitar like no one else, is getting a new shrine.

Johnson, who died in 1938 and already has two grave markers, is about to have a 
third--this time at the place where experts think it is most likely he is really 
buried.

Located just outside of Greenwood, 110 miles (176 kms) south of Memphis, the new 
site has been a candidate as the real Johnson grave for at least 10 years, since 
it is in the graveyard used by the plantation owner on whose land Johnson died.

But the Little Zion site got the seal of approval earlier this year with the 
discovery of Rosie Eskridge, an 86-year-old Greenwood resident whose husband, Tom, 
dug the grave in 1938.

She says she was there that day, when the then obscure bluesman's body was 
brought by truck from a nearby plantation in a coffin provided by LeFlore County. 
``Tom dug the grave deep''. ``Johnson's mother wasn't there. The  church deacon said 
a few words over the coffin and that was it.

The grave was unmarked and the burial was in keeping with the obscurity of Johnson's 
life; a life on the move, seeped in the mythology of the blues. When he died promoter 
John Hammond was looking for him, ready to bring him to New York for an appearance at 
Carnegie Hall that probably would have made him famous.

Instead, the fame came slowly, long after his death. In 1961 the first Johnson 
album spawned a squall of interest that led to covers of his songs by the Rolling 
Stones and other rock bands. A picture of Johnson's album popped up on the cover of 
the 1965 Bob Dylan release ``Bringing It All Back Home.'' But sales were confined 
to musicians and dedicated fans of Delta blues. 

To read the whole story, Robert Johnson

TV News

They took the good, they took the bad - then they were taken off the air.

Production is scheduled to begin next month in Toronto on a TV movie to air on ABC, 
Variety reported Tuesday.

Original cast members Charlotte Rae, Mindy Cohn, Kim Fields and Lisa Whelchel have 
said they will take part. It's unknown whether Nancy McKeon will appear in a cameo.

According to Variety, the TV movie will focus on Natalie (Cohn) asking her former 
classmates to reunite in Peekskill, N.Y., after she receives two marriage proposals.

To read more, Facts of Life 

Vulgarity Alert! Vulgarity Alert! Vulgarity Alert!

Bizarre Story In The News #1

Police in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, where the world athletic championships ended 
last weekend appealed to the public on Tuesday to help them crack a crime spree 
involving the theft of several replica bison testicles.

Edmonton police charged two men on Tuesday after they were caught red-handed with 
testicles removed from the life-size replica of a bison, one of several colorfully 
painted statues placed throughout the western city for the 2001 World Championships 
in Athletics.

However, 19 other fiberglass bison had their testicles severed between Friday and 
Monday, and the case remains unsolved, police spokesman Dean Parthenis said.

The two men caught with the imitation genital glands have been charged with one 
count each of mischief, but are not currently suspects in the vandalism of the other 
bison, Parthenis said.

``As far as we're concerned, the one case has been solved but the other 19 are 
unsolved, so whether or not we have another person out there, or a group of people, 
or copycats, we don't know,'' he said.

The two suspects were collared in south Edmonton early Friday, after local residents 
told officers of the vandalism. A few minutes later, the two men, both in their early 
20s, were found with the testicles, a fire extinguisher and a cloth. Parthenis said 
he did not know the significance of the other two items.

``It's a bizarre case,'' he said. ``I mean, the whole scenario surrounding all the 
other 19 bison -- why anyone would want to walk off with testicles from a replica 
bison is beyond anyone's comprehension.''

Many of the statues, painted in colors representing various countries, were to be 
sold following the two-week athletic championships, with the proceeds going to charity.

Their value will drop considerably if they are rendered less than anatomically correct, 
Parthenis said. 

Bandits Bag Bison

Keeping With The Theme Link #1

Bizarre Story In The News #2

Pravda reported, in badly fractured English, this story today:  

DOCTORS GREW PENIS ON GUY'S ARM

16-year-old guy Malik was ready to make up with the idea he will never be a real man. 
But the doctors gave the hope back to him. 

The guy was deprived of his genitals when peeing. The urine spurt incidentally got 
on the bald wire. The current rush caused so much damage to the sexual organ that it 
had to be amputated. The guy's relatives did not want to make up with that fate and 
started searching for some medical institution that could bring the love handles 
back. They found it. 

The specialists of the department for reconstructive micro-surgery of the Russian 
clinical hospital for children examined Malik and said the situation could be improved. 
In the beginning they made a cut on his forearm and stitched an expander in there – 
a 12 centimeter empty latex cylinder. A certain amount of physical solution was 
injected in the expander daily, the skin was expanding and growing taking the shape 
of a penis. This organ was growing on guy's arm for 10 months! Finally the doctors 
cut it away from Malik's forearm together with the feeding artery, made an urethra 
in it and sew it to the place where it should be. 

- If they make an artificial limb in a while then our guy will be able to have the 
normal sex life, - surgeon Sergei Yasonov said.

To see the original article (with picture), Short Arm?

Or the 'bcE Archived' version....Forearm

Keeping With The Theme Link

Vulgarity Alert Over! Vulgarity Alert Over! Vulgarity Alert Over!

Welcome !
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Make yourself home, take your shoes off...
Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.

The idea is to have fun.

Do you have something to say?  
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better, 
amused or entertained?
Use your words to inform the rest of us.

Do you have a great album no one's heard? 
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?  
A popular artist that just plain pisses you off (Britny and  'N Sync don't count, 
they piss off EVERYONE)? 
A box set the whole world should own? 
Vile, filthy rumors about Republican musicians?
Just plain vile, filthy rumors? 
A picture of yourself clad only in panties and sitting on John Siegenthaler's lap? 
This is your place.

Send it to Marty

Don't send it to BC....

Or send it to this Marty

Please, don't send it to BC!

Or send it to this Marty


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