Bartcop Entertainment - Wednesday, 5 December, 2001

(BartCop Entertainment)

Wednesday

5 December, 2001

big hammer - bigger hammer

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Who's Going To Hell This Week

Helen A. Handbasket


 
Hello, thank you for not hating me, and welcome to

Who's Going to Hell This Week?

by

Helen A. Handbasket

Helen A. Handbasket

As ex-executive chief in charge of operations for the burning flames of hellfire, Helen's access to eternal contracts is legendary. She is the world's foremost double-agent war-correspondent from hell - to Hollywood - and back again. Her opinions do not necessarily reflect those of this or any other publication.
 

WHO'S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?

bloodbar

December 3, 2001

 
George Harrison's ashes are headed to the banks of the Ganges in India, not the banks of the River Styx in hell, despite the fact that not one penny of his $300 million estate was left to Satan, who claims the White Album got him through some really hard times.
- Helen -


10. Iraq agreed to let U.N. inspectors back into the country to determine whether they are building weapons of mass destruction as long as America allows U.N. inspectors into Florida to recount the ballots.

9. Al Roker and Martha Stewart were caught going at it hot and heavy during a screening of Harry Potter. Their love child is destined to eat itself to death.
 
8. Philippine rebels agreed to release a dozen hostages as long as "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" isn't cancelled.
 
7. Late at night, the wax statue of Nicole Kidman at Madame Tussaud's makes love to the wax statue of Mimi Rogers.
 
6. The ASPCA wants you to be prepared for the next terrorist attack by putting together a first aid kit for your dog, cat, bird, turtle or fish. Gramma can take care of herself.
 
5. Julia Roberts will be taking off her clothes for Steven Soderbergh's next movie, "Full Frontal," which is a sequel to "sex, lies and videotape." Doing make-up: Satan.
 
4. Mephisto loves the two-wheeled personal transportation device "Ginger," which works particularly well if you've got a tail.
 
3. A basketful of puppies was found dead of anthrax this week.
 
2.  Will the U.S. invade Iraq? All depends if "Songs from the West Coast" really is Elton John's last album.
 
And the number one person going to hell this week?
 
1. Now that Britney Spears is 20, she still won't have sex with you.
 
Personal to Yasser: Time's up.
Personal to mom: Get a grip.
 

ARITHMETIC FROM HELL

104 unknown detainees minus 93 named by Attorney General Ashcroft plus 538 held on immigration violations divided by every Palestinian provocateur in the mid-east equals every Israeli provocateur in the mid-east times 17,000 Internet cafes closed by Chinese authorities.

QUIZ FROM HELL

 
Congratulations, you got the correct answer in last week's quiz. And your prize is...
 
a) Two tickets to the Elian Gonzalez Museum in his old home in Miami
b) Two tickets to the George Bush Library to inspect the empty shelves
c) Two tickets for the new Taliban version of "The Producers," featuring "Springtime for bin Laden."
d) A kick in the groin
 

EASIEST REWRITE FROM HELL

 
President Bush Monday criticized the creation of human embryos through cloning as "morally wrong" and "bad public policy," saying the procedure should not be allowed.
- CNN -
 
Human embryos Monday criticized the creation of the Bush Presidency through fraud as "morally wrong" and "bad public policy," saying the procedure should not be allowed.
- CNN -
 

INTERESTING FACT ABOUT CITIZEN KANE

THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH HELL
 
In the scene where Kane and his entourage set off for the beach from Xanadu, large birds are seen flying across the background. In fact, the process shot footage was taken from RKO's "King Kong" to reduce costs, and the birds are, in fact, pterodactyls.
 

TOON FROM HELL

 

QUOTES FROM HELL

 
According to Taliban penal codes, the following are unclean:
 
"Pork, pig, pig oil, anything made from human hair, satellite dishes, cinematography, any equipment that produces the joy of music, pool tables, chess, masks, alcohol, tapes, computer, VCR's, televisions, anything that propagates sex and is full of music, wine, lobster, nail polish, firecrackers, statues, sewing catalogs, pictures, Christmas cards."
 
"He's a Really Good Boy"
Parents of the American Taliban who turned up in a fortress in Northern Afghanistan -
 
"The best screeners were elderly widows. They had great powers of concentration and weren't worried about having a date or going out that night for a beer."
- Orlo Steele, a former FAA security chief, on baggage checkers -
 
"The west doesn't allow Hitlers."
- Paul McCartney
 
"You want relevance when it's appropriate"
- Les Moonves -
 

CONTRADICTION IN TERMS FROM HELL

 
"We need a new Warren Commission. We need the truth."
- Senator Joseph Lieberman -
 

NIGHTMARE FROM HELL

 
You just got your daddy's job and you're looking for a war, any war, because you want to go to war just like your daddy did. The Taliban look like a nice target, mean and nasty looking, committing atrocities galore, and pre-packaged with some nice hostages from the Red Cross who were only trying to spread God's word. You draw up the plans. You're ready to go. All you need is an excuse. You hear that something's planned for 9/11, a possible highjacking put together by people hidden by the Taliban. Perfect. Small potatoes. You ignore it, secretly hoping it happens because you want to go to war BAD. You purposely distance yourself from events, planning to be visiting an elementary school in a distant state when whatever happens happens. You're expecting maybe a couple hundred dead, nothing, a drop in the bucket in the annals of war, perfect justification for attacking a foreign country. You are shocked as hell when you find thousands dead in New York. What a fucking idiot! You remember that intelligence meeting where you were told that all they had was boxcutters, and you said, "Yeah, boxcutters, how much damage could they do?" It's a deal gone bad, where someone smarter than you played you like a chump, and you are PISSED because you had them in your grasp and you let them go, and you're running, running against the wind so you're not going anywhere, like the air is Jell-O, you keep fighting through it till you remember hey, no one ever has to know about it, you can just dispose of the freedom of information act and suddenly you're happy as a clam inside because, hey, you get to go to war, just like your daddy did but...
 
You wake up.
 

DUH!

 
"He just doesn't feel to me like the surrendering type." - DONALD H. RUMSFELD, secretary of defense, on Mullah Muhammad Omar -
 
"American soldiers may be just beginning one of their most important and difficult missions."
- Washington Post -
 
"You know, only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do." - Chris Rock -
 

COUNTRY SONG FROM HELL

 
Prisoner of War
 
Life is so exciting when you're living in a cave
Sitting on a rock is the excitement that I crave
Suddenly my life is such an awful bloody bore
Now that I'm a prisoner of war
 
Yeah, I guess they feed us and the food is rather tasty
The sun is therapeutic. My complexion was so pasty
Why not dig a tunnel? Well, it's such an awful chore
Now that I'm a prisoner of war
 
Everything they tell you is so obviously phony
I know that bin Laden doesn't eat much macaroni
I get a tribunal that is rotten to the core
Now that I'm a prisoner of war
 
I am an American. I know of what I speak
Soon my lurid tale will be a movie of the week
I will get residuals until I'm 94
Now that I'm a prisoner of war
 

INTERNET SITES FROM HELL

 
Enter the mind of the enemy, go to MEMRI - Middle East Media Research Institute
 
And don't miss Hamas Headquarters - The Palestinian Information Center, where you can read the actual letters claiming responsibility for terrorist acts.
 
Attorneys around the country have turned down two-thirds of the 1,338 terrorism cases that the FBI has referred for prosecution over the past five years.
 
Remember the Palmer Raids? Of course you don't.
 
What happens when an innocent man is picked up in the terrorist sweeps? Something like this.
 
The devil was banned from a Florida town. Talk about a lawsuit waiting to happen.
 
Florida Judge Terry Lewis says he was prepared to count the overvotes regardless of what the Gore lawyers had requested.  It was Lewis whom the Supreme Court shut down with its decision in Bush vs. Gore. Which means all those recent headlines saying Bush would have won were wrong. Gore would have won. And they say the media is biased towards the liberal?
 
Need a job?
 
Is free speech shrinking on the net?
 
Are the US and Russia conspiring to destroy OPEC with The Caspian Pipeline Consortium Project?
 
Everybody knows that what Afghanistan needs more than anything else is Christianity. Read it in Heather Mercer's own words.
 
Let William Bennett teach your children.
 
The Samuel L. Jackson Soundboard is a tasty snack.
 
The call for a 5 day waiting period for box cutters, nail clippers, and tweezers.
 
Everybody needs a bit of Irrational Exuberance once in a while.
 
Oi vey Pee-Wee.
 
Oh hum, just another Afghani Female General criticizing western feminists.
 
There used to be some question about the true motives of people like Dick Armey and Tom DeLay. Did they really believe in free markets, or did they just want to take from the poor and give to the rich? Now we know.
 
Where were you on Buy Nothing Day? Did you buy something? Tsk tsk tsk.
 
Looking for that unique Christmas gift? Don't miss the Taliban Catalogue of Atrocities.
 
Okay, so what should be done about the librarian who broke the law by giving information to the government about terrorists using the library computers?
 
The new Zapruder film.
 
Surely you've heard of HAARP. Is it high tech mind control, earthquake maker, or just another tool in the high-tech hunt for terrorist lairs?
 

PORSCHE FROM HELL

 

WHO WENT TO HELL THIS YEAR?

 
Find out at http://mywebpage.netscape.com/gossipfromhell/

or

http://home.earthlink.net/~dare2b

There is no way to unsubscribe to Darenet other than repeating HIS name 1,000 times and praying for the worst. Sure, you can send a blank email to "Darenet-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com" but HE'LL know and you'll pay someday. Your only choice is to sneak behind his back and go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/darenet, log on, and remove yourself.
You're three clicks away from going to a special hell reserved for all those who Dare unsubscribe.



Many thanks to Michael Dare!

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Reader CD Recommendation

From 'MadDog'

The Big Dog and Hillary have credits on a current CD!

I purchased "A Very Special Christmas 5" CD today. The proceeds go to the Special Olympics.

Besides a nice letter from Eunice Kennedy Schriver, there were some interesting "special thanks" names.
The long list began with thanks to President Bill and Sen. Hillary Clinton and Jamie Lee Curtis.

THIS MADE MY DAY!

~~ MadDog


Thanks, MadDog - Will definitely check it out!

Visit MadDog's Home Page

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Reader TV Suggestion

'The Godfather' On TNN

You forgot to mention something when you talked about tonight's TV...one of the best movies of ALL TIME....unedited for TV... The Godfather on TNN! If your other shows are reruns, tune into the UNEDITED running of The Godfather (part II is on tomorrow as well). Thought you should know.

~~ Mike K.


Thanks, Mike....keep forgetting that TNN now offers more than videos of people with very interesting hair doing the Texas 2-Step.

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Reader Review

''My VH1 Awards''

Last night's performance on the My VH1 Music Awards confirmed what I have believed all along: No Doubt is TRASH!!!

They look like trash, they sound like trash, and pardon me, but Gwen Stefani is "cute"?

She comes across as white trash if ever such existed. For crying out loud, her "hero" is Madonna Ciccone, the biggest trashy, slutty whore in pop music today, so what does that make Gwen Stefani? A white trash SLUT!

There's no doubt alright, this band is trash!

It's time for these hepcats to shave, shower and go to college or find another job. As for Gwen Stefani, crawl back into bed and keep your mouth shut, trash!

George Mullins


Thanks, George...guess you didn't like some of the show. On the other hand, without 'white trash', my family reunion would be no damn fun.

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Cool Links

Cool Cartoons

Bush Wanted

behold the golden snitch...


Marc, the artist behind the links above does some pretty interesting work.
Thanks, Marc

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Weekly Review

from Harper's Magazine

WEEKLY REVIEW - 4 December, 2001

President Bush sent an envoy to Israel with the aim of restarting peace talks with the Palestinian Authority. Hamas proved that it still has the power to prevent such negotiations by sending a wave of suicide bombers into Israel, which culminated in a double bombing on a crowded Jerusalem street that left at least 10 people dead. Body parts littered the neighborhood. Yasir Arafat declared a state of emergency and arrested 110 suspected Hamas and Islamic Jihad militants. Israel retaliated by bombing Gaza City with cruise missiles. Prime Minister Sharon "declared war on terror."

A paper in the scientific journal Human Immunology found that Jews and Palestinians have no significant genetic differences; after receiving complaints, the journal's editor repudiated the paper and sent letters to libraries asking them to rip out the offending pages.

Prime Minister Sharon said he wanted to see a million new Jewish immigrants, particularly from Argentina, France, and South Africa.

Rael, the leader of a Canadian UFO cult called the Raelians, which supports a company called Clonaid, said that his group had already cloned a human embryo, dismissing Advanced Cell Technology's claim to have done so first. Raelians wish to clone full-grown humans into whom memories and such can be downloaded: "That is what interests us Ñ it is to be able to live eternally through several bodies."

"The use of embryos to clone is wrong," President Bush declared. "We should not as a society grow life to destroy life."

Objections by the United States prevented an international agreement that would have limited the advertising of tobacco products, which are estimated to kill 4 million people each year.

Japan reported another case of mad cow disease and was preparing to slaughter 5,129 cows which might have been exposed to the disease.

Crown Princess Masako of Japan gave birth to a baby girl.

( continued at Weekly Review )

--Roger D. Hodge

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''European Of The Year''

Bono

Irish rock singer Bono and British Prime Minister Tony Blair were among winners of ``European of the Year'' awards unveiled by a Brussels weekly magazine Tuesday.

The top award presented by European Voice went to U2 lead singer Bono for his efforts to promote debt relief for poor countries.

A panel of journalists and opinion leaders from across the EU selected 50 nominees for the awards and European Voice readers then voted for the people they felt had most shaped the EU agenda in the past year.

None of the best-known award winners attended a Brussels ceremony Tuesday evening.

But in a message read on his behalf by Irish ambassador to the EU Anne Anderson, Bono spoke of the heroism of New York City police, firefighters and medical crews after the Sept. 11 attack on the World Trade Center.

``The only really fitting memorial to the lives that were lost on that day would be not just a safer, less dangerous world but a fairer, more inclusive one,'' he said.

This was the goal that the Drop the Debt campaign, which lobbies for debt forgiveness for the world's poorest countries, was pursuing, he said.

Bono has supported the work of Drop the Debt and its predecessor, the Jubilee 2000 debt relief campaign.

''European Of The Year''

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In The Chaos Household

Last Night

Did a lot of surfing tonight.

3 of the 4 PBS stations had a show on 'Blenko Glass, which was pretty interesting. (In glass terms, I grew up midway between 'Corning' & 'Brockway').



Tonight, Wednesday, CBS gets down to the basics on 'The Amazing Race', and whittles 3 teams to 2. It's also a 2-parter (big surprise). This episode is sandwiched between '60 Minutes II, and '48 Hours', kind of a festival of Dan Rather.

NBC has repeats of 'Ed', 'The West Wing', and 'Law & Order'. The 'West Wing' episode is notable for the appearance of Mary Kay Place, the Surgeon General who wants pot legalized.
Mary Kay Place was Loretta Jeter (the adoptive mother of the 'Rev.' Jimmy Joe Jeter, child evangelist) on 'Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman'. She also wrote a few episodes of 'M*A*S*H'.

ABC has 2 hours of sitcom reruns ('My Wife & Kids', 'According To Jim', 'Drew Carey', and 'Whose Line Is It, Anyway'), followed by a fresh '20/20'.

The WB offers a repeat 'Dawson's Creek', and a fresh 'Felicity'.

Even 'Enterprise' on UPN is a repeat - the one where they find alien corpses on an 'abandoned' ship.

Faux has fresh episodes of 'Titus', 'Grounded For Life', 'Bernie Mac', and 'The Tick'.

AMC has 'Catch 22', which is a wonderful movie if you've read the book (so you know what is going on...otherwise the 'save the bombadier' makes no sense, among other things).

And, as Mike K. pointed out, don't forget the 2nd half of 'The Godfather' on TNN.

Anyone have any opinions?

Or reviews?



(See below for addresses)

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Centennial Celebration Today

Walt Disney

Mickey & Walt
On what would have been Walt Disney's 100th birthday, relatives want the world to know more about the man behind the corporate name.

Roy Disney, chairman of Walt Disney Animation, will mark his uncle's birthday at festivities Wednesday at Walt Disney World in Orlando.

A smaller celebration is planned at Disneyland in Anaheim, where a statue of Walt Disney and Mickey Mouse will be rededicated. Disneyland also plans to sell souvenir buttons and mini anniversary cakes with Disney's image on them.

The animation pioneer died of lung cancer in 1966 at age 65.

Roy Disney began working for his uncle after graduating from college in 1951. He said he learned a lot from Walt Disney, an inspirational, hard-working man who had high standards.

``I got no points for being related,'' Disney said. ``He was plenty tough on me and everybody. He was so quick at picking up mistakes or problems. It just comes down to genius and he clearly had that even at the beginning of his career.''

Walt Disney Centennial

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Updated!

BartCop TV!

BC TV

Visit the site at BC TV

The 'Vidiot' never seems to rest - and doesn't let little things like laundry or housekeeping get in the way!

Damn near every show on TV must is listed - days & days worth of great reading.

If you have any questions about nearly any tv program, check out BC TV!

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To Star As 'Jackie Gleason'

Nathan Lane

Nathan Lane will star as Jackie Gleason in ``To the Moon,'' a biopic about the jocular thesp.

Rob Festinger (``In the Bedroom'') is writing the script, which is being developed by Mirage Enterprises, the production company run by directors Sydney Pollack and Anthony Minghella.

Gleason, immortalized on ``The Honeymooners,'' was discovered on Gotham's nightclub circuit by Jack Warner and starred in several Hollywood pictures and Broadway musicals before making his TV debut.

``Jackie Gleason has been a huge influence on me since I was a child,'' Lane said. ``The thing that gets to me about him is that despite the bravado of his public persona and the broad hilarity of some of his comedy, there remains a tremendous amount of sadness and vulnerability in his eyes. Hopefully we will explore that in the film.''

Nathan Lane To Play Jackie Gleason

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High Maintenance Costs

The Price Of Beauty

Britney Spears, may be an - ahem - natural beauty, but Lord knows not everyone can look like the 20-year-old pop princess.

That is, unless you have $100,000 and change to pay a top team of plastic surgeons, stylists, dentists and other cosmetic pros.

Here's a breakdown of how much the average New Yorker would have to pay for the teen queen's physique. Pain medication not included.


NOSE JOB: Doctors say many patients ask for Britney's cute-as-a button schnoz.

Cost: Up to $6,500

BRIGHT EYES: Even teens are opting for upper eye "blepheroplasty," said Manhattan plastic surgeon Dr. Howard Bellin, who says the fat-removal lid procedure makes eyes look bigger and lighter.

Cost: Up to $4,000

LIP AUGMENTATION: How's this for appetizing? Bellin cuts into the crease of the buttock and removes a line of fat, which is then placed into the lip via two small incisions.

Cost: Up to $5,000

BREAST AUGMENTATION: Britney says a "growth spurt" gave her envious curves, but the less-endowed have to pay for such privileges.

Cost: Up to $10,000

CHEEK AND CHIN IMPLANTS: Dr. Richard Skolnik says chin implants make the nose look smaller, and the face is just more in proportion and framed."

Cost: Up to $7,500.

PERFECT TEETH: Dr. Larry "Celebrity Smile" Rosenthal's "smile lift" involves transparent sculpted porcelain veneers (OM3 is the hot shade right now) placed over the sheered-down natural teeth. Rosenthal builds out the veneers on the top side teeth so the lips look fuller.

Cost: Up to $25,000

SOFT SKIN: To keep a billionaire teen pop queen looking pimple, wrinkle and squint-line free, Manhattan plastic surgeon Dr . Steven Victor recommends laser facials, laser crow's feet removal and Botox.

Cost: Up to $3,200

BODY SCULPTING: Can be done on stomach, thighs and knees. For a pucker- and ripple-proof perfection, Bellin has his patients stand up during the surgery.

Cost: Up to $20,000

HUMAN HAIR EXTENSIONS: The really cheap stuff is horsy or acrylic. Human hair extensions, which are usually stitched onto small braids, can cost plenty.

Cost: Up to $5,000

PERMA-TAN: Achieve that tawny glow with a Perfect Pro Tanning machine, the home version.

Cost: Up to $6,480

NAILS: You think Britney goes to a salon? For a home visit from a top manicurist, it's an easy $500.

Cost: Up to $6,000 per year

FULL-BODY WAX: It's not much fun, but if you want to remain fur-free at all times, make bi-weekly trips to the J. Sisters in Midtown, who charge $105 a rip. Eyebrows are $45.

Total: $3,600 per year

Total Cost: $102,280

High Maintenance Upkeep

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Getting Little Cooperation

Geraldo Rivera

Geraldo Rivera's dream of being a war correspondent is said to be running into some resistance from our own armed forces. And even former fighting leatherneck Oliver North, who's been shown the red carpet on U.S. Navy carriers, is powerless to help him, we hear.

Rivera quit a $5 million job as a CNBC talkmeister last month to cover Afghanistan for Fox News. But not everyone is cooperating with his career change.

Bad enough that gun-toting Afghans have been blocking his way to Kandahar. Worse still, sources claim, he's been getting precious little cooperation from U.S. military officials who apparently don't cotton to the left-leaning TV star.

Last week, Fox News chief Roger Ailes is said to have enlisted help from Marine officer-turned-pundit North, who just headed to Bahrain also as a correspondent for Fox. Ailes, says the insider, asked North to put in a good word for his colleague with the brass.

According to the source, North sent word back that his military contacts had dryly responded: "Geraldo's paperwork is not in order, and it won't be in order until the war is over."

On his broadcast last night, Geraldo himself called his new beat "an armed no-man's land … filled with murderous danger."

An amused Pentagon spokesman said he'd "received no reports of [Rivera] experiencing any trouble," but that he was welcome to file a complaint.

Hyperbole Isn't The Only Thing Flying

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''Mariah-Mania'' In Kosovo

Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey speaks to troops in Kosovo December 4, 2001
Pop diva Mariah Carey criss-crossed Kosovo by helicopter on Tuesday to bring some Christmas cheer to U.S. peacekeeping troops.

The troops loved it, whooping and hollering with delight as she swooped in on a Chinook helicopter for a performance to boost the morale of troops serving in the Balkans.

The soldiers greeted her as if they had not seen woman in months, especially a blonde pop superstar bedecked in revealing military fatigues.

``This sure is Mariah-mania,'' said one soldier as they surged forward to glimpse of one of the world's biggest recording stars, who has sold over 150 million records in a decade.

She did confess to Reuters: ``It was little bit unnerving at the beginning. The helicopter ride flipped me out a little bit -- I ain't going to lie.''

Carey, wrapping up her whistlestop tour with a concert for the troops, got a rousing reception everywhere she went.

Like a trooper, she trudged through the mud, braved the icy cold and clambered on to a Humvee jeep for group photos with the troops. The only pause came when her make-up artist quickly fixed Carey's hair for yet another photo opportunity.

'Mariah-Mania' In Kosovo

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New!

In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

bartcook

In The Kitchen With BartCop

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Official Groundbreaking Today

Clinton Presidential Library

Clinton Presidential Library Preview Exhibit

Skip Rutherford, President of the Clinton Presidential Foundation, explains the music display during a media tour of the Clinton Presidential Library Preview Exhibit in downtown Little Rock, December 4, 2001. Former President Bill Clinton will attend the official groundbreaking for his presidential library on December 5.
Photo by Jeff Mitchell

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Radio Interview From The Philippines

bobby fischer

Chess master-turned-madman Bobby Fischer has come out of seclusion to praise the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and rally for the destruction of America.

Fischer, the troubled prodigy who retired and went into hiding after winning the 1972 world chess championship against Russian Boris Spassky, called a Philippine radio show just hours after 4,000 Americans died, saying, "I want to see the U.S. wiped out!"

In the last few years, Fischer has become buddies with station Bombo Radyo's shock-jock Pablo Mercado, to whom he ranted that the World Trade Center collapse was, "wonderful news," reports Yahoo! Internet Life magazine.

"The U.S. and Israel have been slaughtering the Palestinians for years," Fischer babbled. "Nobody gave a bleep. Now it is coming back to the U.S. Bleep the U.S.!"

The federal government indicted Fischer in 1992, when he spat on U.S. sanctions against Yugoslavia to play a $3.5 million rematch with Spassky there, which he won. Rather than face 10 years in prison, $250,000 in fines and the confiscation of his booty, Fischer fled to Argentina and then to Hungary.

"He visits various parts of the world wearing disguises," Post chess columnist Andy Soltis tells PAGE SIX. "He thinks people are trying to kill him. He thinks the CIA wants to kill him. He's a real nut."

"Nobody has single-handedly done more for the U.S. image than me," he boasted. "I really believe this. When I won the world championship in 1972, the United States was, you know, it was a football country, a baseball country, but nobody thought of it as an intellectual country.

"I turned all that around single-handedly, right? But I was useful then because it was the Cold War, right? But now . . . they want to wipe me out, steal everything I have, put me in prison."

bobby fischer

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Getting A 'Political' Appointment?

Bo Derek

The Bush administration has its own idea of culture. We hear the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts is about to appoint loyal Republican Bo Derek to a major post. If you don't know her qualifications, you haven't seen her stirring work in "10" or "Bolero."

A rep for the curvy star said, "There will be a formal announcement out in about a week relating to her future involvement with the Kennedy Center," but declined to give details. Hey, we're sure President Kennedy would have liked Bo just fine.

Getting A 'Political' Appointment?

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Audio Files From BC

Bonus Page Link

Looking for some 'Garbage'?

Here are some MP3 files from BC

Aw, come on....isn't anyone curious?

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The Boss Does Windows

Bruce Springsteen



Bruce Springsteen rocks, rolls and does windows — in other people's homes.

For more than 10 years, the Boss has been helping low-income New Jersey homeowners by quietly paying for windows to be installed in their homes, according to IRS records obtained by Court TV's The Smoking Gun Web site.

Operating behind the scenes, the 52-year-old performer has made grants totaling $1,032,218. He does this, the Web site reported, through one of his associates, Jim McDuffie, who handles requests out of his home in Long Branch.

The tax records indicate that grants are mostly limited to $10,000 awards. In 2000, for example, 16 New Jersey families received grants totaling $119,728.

Word has slowly moved around the Garden State that Springsteen is very involved in this project. A Long Branch woman applied for help after hearing that grants might be available. She soon received $10,000, which she and her husband used for new windows and siding. The woman told the Web site that she was unaware of the money's source until a contractor let it slip that Springsteen was behind the group.

Bruce Springsteen

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Broadway-Bound?

Conan?

Conan O'Brien never seemed like a show-tunes fan but that isn't stopping the "Late Night" host from setting his sights on Broadway.

O'Brien has talked with producer Susan Stroman about starring in "The Music Man," which the pair saw Friday.

The show, currently starring Robert Sean Leonard, may have to close next month, if they cannot find a good replacement, a source tells us. "They asked ['Will and Grace' star] Eric McCormack to come back, but he didn't want to. Barry Manilow also turned it down."

A source close to Stroman says that O'Brien's chances of landing the role aren't that hot, though he could theoretically make it onstage after wrapping his talk show at 6 p.m.

Conan Broadway-Bound?

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Cad Update

Liz Hurley

British actress Liz Hurley reacted indignantly on Tuesday to a claim by millionaire former lover Steve Bing that he might not be the father of her unborn baby.

``I'm deeply distraught by Stephen Bing publicly declaring that he hadn't been in an 'exclusive relationship' with me,'' she said in a statement issued by Simian Films, the production company she co-owns with another former lover, Hugh Grant.

``This is the first I had heard of this and the implications are very painful, especially as I am shortly to give birth to his child.''

American film producer Bing, in line to inherit a property fortune variously estimated by British newspapers at between $400 million and $3.5 billion, said in a statement on Monday that he was not taking his alleged paternity for granted.

Under Californian law he could be forced to pay more than a quarter of his annual income were his paternity proven.

Fellow Briton Grant has been her virtually constant companion since news of the pregnancy broke in November.

Hurley, 36, said in her statement that she and Bing had been very happy during their 18 months together until she discovered she was pregnant.

``I was completely loyal and faithful to Stephen throughout this time as, indeed, he assured me he was to me,'' she said.

Bing has been widely quoted as saying he slept with her only twice and media reports say the two now converse with each other either through the newspapers or their lawyers.

Liz Hurley & The Cad

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New! Updated!

(20 Nov, 2001)

BartCop Astrology

The official BartCop Astrologer, Geneva, has provided another eye-opening set of charts!

A brief excerpt: " In January 2002, New York City Mayor, Rudy Giuliani will intimately know an experience and feeling that more and more of us are reluctantly facing: He'll join the ranks of the unemployed. Due to term limits Giuliani has not been able to seek re-election, after 8 years as one of New York's more popular mayors.

The question on most New Yorker's minds and lips is "What is Rudy going to do NOW?" Well, maybe The Stars can give us some clues. "

Very interesting reading!

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Family Responds

Charles Bronson

Reps for Charles Bronson, who used to pack that big magnum in his "Death Wish" movies, are taking aim at tabloid reports that he's suffering from Alzheimer's disease.

According to the stories, the 80-year-old actor was diagnosed with the disease a year ago and is being cared for by his third wife, Kim, 39.

"He doesn't have Alzheimer's," Bronson rep Lori Jonas tells us. "His health is fine."

The retired screen vigilante is spending the holidays with his family at his Vermont farm.

Bronson's Family Responds

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He's Packing Heat & Has Bodyguards, Too

Geraldo Rivera

Geraldo Rivera, reporting for Fox News Channel in Afghanistan, says he's packing a gun - which he will use to defend himself, if necessary, from hostile Taliban killers.

"If they're going to get us, it's going to be in a gun fight," Rivera told FNC anchor Laurie Dhue from the village of Taloqan.

"It's not going to be a murder. It's not going to be a crime. It's going to be a gun fight.

"My brother, (producer) Craig and I . . . we refuse to be crime victims. We're not the victim types," Rivera said.

It's not known what kind of gun Rivera is carrying, or how or where he came into ownership of the weapon.

Rivera shipped out to Afghanistan with his brother Craig and cameraman Paul Butler last month shortly after bolting CNBC for top-rated Fox News Channel.

"We're all in pretty good spirits," Rivera told Dhue. "We've been in various conflicts, and we keep our chin up and keep focused on the fact that we want Osama bin Laden to end up either behind bars or six feet under or maybe just one foot under - or maybe as just a pile of ash.

He's Packing Heat & Has Bodyguards, Too

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Liberal Radio !

Erin Hart



Liberal radio - what a concept!

Saturday and Sunday 9 p. to 1 a. Pacific Standard at www.710kiro.com or www.kiro710.com (It's a browser thing).

Also, TONIGHT, Wednesday, 5 December, if you're in the Seattle area, Erin will be emceeing a fundraiser for Democrats from local districts for the 2002 campaign season.

As a special treat, they will feature a Deep Fried Turkey cooked by Washington State Representative John Lovick (and, as featured on KIRO's Dori Monson show).


For more details, visit Erin's homepage, http://www.erinistas.com/.

Say 'Hi' to Brian, the Webmaster, too.

And, while you're there, check out Brian's computer tips!

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A Birthday Dance

Britney

Britney Spears celebrated her 20th birthday by getting a steamy private dance from a hunky male stripper - right in front of her parents and 10-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn.

The belly-baring pop tart giggled and blushed her way through the eye-popping routine by stripper Steven Peters - and her mother, Jamie, enjoyed it so much, she playfully squeezed the beefcake's biceps and buttocks.

Britney's bawdy birthday bash took place at Solaia, an Italian restaurant in Englewood, N.J., after her concert Sunday night at Continental Airlines Arena.

"Britney was blushing and had a big smile on her face the whole time," Peters told The Post. "She told me, 'This is the best birthday present I've ever gotten!' "

Britney's Birthday Dance

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Final Services

George Harrison

Mystery surrounded the last rites for Beatles guitarist George Harrison Tuesday as Hare Krishna officials were tight-lipped about plans to immerse the late musician's ashes in India's sacred Ganges river.

Harrison, a long-time devotee of the Hindu sect, was closely attached to the holy city of Varanasi, where the immersion of his ashes was expected to take place in a ritual symbolizing the journey of his soul toward eternal consciousness.

Government officials in the northern Indian state of Uttar Pradesh said the rites for the youngest of the Beatles quartet who revolutionized pop music in the 1960s might already have taken place.

``All I can presume is perhaps they wanted it to be a private affair so they might have already come and gone without informing anyone,'' state Home Secretary Naresh Dayal told Reuters.

In New Delhi, a Hare Krishna spokesman said he expected some of Harrison's ashes to be immersed at Varanasi and possibly also at Allahabad, 130 km (80 miles) upriver where the holy Yamuna joins the Ganges. But he had no other information.

Mystery Surrounding Final Services

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BC Entertainment Favorite Link

Moose & Squirrel Information One-Stop

http://geocities.com/mooseandsquirrel1

What a great site! Information and reference materials of the first order!

Between 'Moose & Squirrel' and 'Google', who needs 'refdesk'!

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''For the Troops: An MTV/USO Special''

Kid Rock, J-Lo & Ja-Rule

Kid Rock is about to pay tribute to some real American Badasses.

The hard-rocking trailer-park patriot will join Jennifer Lopez and Ja Rule in an overseas concert for U.S. troops--part of a 90-minute special being produced by MTV and the United Service Organization.

For the Troops: An MTV/USO Special, hosted by TRL host Carson Daly, will air New Year's Day at 2 p.m. ET/PT. The program will include the concert--which will have been staged at an undisclosed military base--as well as behind-the-scenes reports, interviews with the troops and clips with J.Lo, Ja Rule and Kid Rock rubbing elbows with the servicemen and women.

The special will no doubt give MTV a chance to do some hardcore flag-waving on New Year's Day. But the concert special also may boost the USO's street credibility among the young troops, after the organization named Vegas lounge lizard Wayne "Danke Schoen" Newton the Chairman of the USO's Celebrity Circle.

The USO has been in the troop morale-boosting business for more than 60 years, providing entertainment ranging from Bob Hope's years of touring and TV specials to a recent Thanksgiving concert by rapper Coolio.

''For the Troops: An MTV/USO Special''

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New Production Company

Tom Green

Canadian comic Tom Green has launched his own production company, Bob Green Films, which is developing several film and TV projects.

The shingle, named after Green's uncle, has formalized a three-year, first-look film and TV deal with Fox-based Regency Enterprises, a producer of Green's recent comedy vehicle ``Freddy Got Fingered.''

Green is developing a pilot for a half-hour reality-based skateboarding show for the WB Network, which Regency is producing. He is also writing the script for a pitch he set up at Regency. He will produce, direct and star in an as-yet-untitled feature film as well.

Tom Green's New Production Company

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Missing Diary Returned, Anonymously

Richard Burton

Diaries kept by Richard Burton during his first stormy marriage to Elizabeth Taylor have been returned anonymously to the British Broadcasting Corp., eight months after they disappeared and were presumed stolen, the BBC said.

The diaries were among items lent to the BBC by Burton's widow, Sally, for the filming of a documentary about the actor's life. After the items were returned to her in March, she discovered the diaries were not among them.

They had been kept in a locked cupboard at the BBC's west London television center. Police investigated the disappearance as a theft, but never traced the diaries.

A package containing the missing diaries arrived at the BBC production offices on Monday.

Missing Richard Burton Diary Returned

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Sounds Like Someone Has An Axe To Grind

Bernard On Dan

While Dan Rather covers the war in Afghanistan, he's under fire here at home as a Nixon-style autocrat who rules CBS News with an iron fist.

That's the word from ex-CBS News correspondent Bernard Goldberg, who portrays Rather in a new book as a warden, and CBS News as a prison in which "three-quarters of the producers and 100 percent of the vice presidents [are] Dan's bitches."

Goldberg's stinging assessment of Rather is part of a new memoir Goldberg has written of his 28 years with CBS News.

"Like Nixon, if you cross [Rather], if he perceives you as an enemy for a second, you're an enemy for life," Goldberg said yesterday on Sean Hannity's WABC-AM radio show.

"The irony is," added Goldberg, "that Dan Rather - a great journalist who exposed Nixon for what he was - sort of became Nixon."

Goldberg says Rather hasn't spoken to him since the day in 1996 when Goldberg published an infamous op-ed piece in The Wall Street Journal in which he first took up the theme of CBS News' alleged liberal biases.

Now Goldberg, who left CBS News last year, has expanded his thesis to a full-length book titled "Bias: A CBS Insider Exposes How the Media Distort the News," released in bookstores yesterday from Regnery Publishing.

Bernard Goldberg On Dan Rather


Regnery Publishing & Sean Hannity, fine examples of 'fair & balanced' (Sarcasm Alert).

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Out Of Rehab

James Hetfield

Metallica lead singer and guitarist James Hetfield has left the rehabilitation facility where he had been receiving treatment for alcohol abuse since July, a spokeswoman for the hard rock band said Tuesday.

The publicist confirmed a report appearing on the band's official Web site that Hetfield's recovery was going well and he was feeling good about life.

Hetfield, 38, checked into an undisclosed rehab facility during the summer to undergo treatment for alcoholism and other unspecified addictions, forcing the band to postpone recording sessions for its latest album.

Formed in 1981 by Hetfield and drummer Lars Ulrich, Metallica has sold more than 80 million records worldwide and has won six Grammy Awards.

Metallica's James Hetfield Out Of Rehab

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Early Morning Raid In Miami

OJ

Law enforcement agents searched the home of ex-football star O.J. Simpson in a Miami suburb on Tuesday, arriving before dawn to comb through the house in what the FBI said was an investigation related to a suspected ecstasy ring.

Simpson was not arrested or named in an indictment in the case. He was spotted at the house by local media as the agents arrived at his home in the south Miami suburb of Kendall where he moved a year ago. He later left the house in his black sport utility vehicle.

The FBI said the search by the FBI, Miami police and agents from the Drug Enforcement Administration, which included sniffer dogs, was related to a suspected drug ring that allegedly brought ecstasy pills from Europe into Miami's club scene. Eleven people were indicted in the case on Tuesday.

Judy Orihuela, a spokeswoman for the FBI's Miami office, said she could give no details of why Simpson's house was searched or what agents were looking for. ``He's not named in the indictment and he's not been arrested,'' she said.

Simpson's lawyer, Yale Galanter, said Simpson was cooperating fully with investigators and that he had advised Simpson not to comment publicly. He said Simpson did not have any ecstasy pills or other illegal drugs and that the search had turned up ``nothing, nothing of any consequence.''

Early Morning For OJ

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Boondocks" (9 Oct 01)

Boondocks: The Best Comic Strip Today

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Still MISSING


Over Vitebsk

Marc Chagall's "Study for 'Over Vitebsk'"

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Is It Just Me, Or Does Big Boy Look Like Tom Ridge?

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Welcome !


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Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.

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Thank you

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