Happy Halloween
Kutna Hora
Sedlec
For more on the cathedral at Sedlec,
http://www.ludd.luth.se/users/silver_p/kutna.html
or
http://user.intop.net/~jhollis/ossuary.htm
or
http://search.radio.cz/doma/kutnahora.html
or
http://www.unesco.org/whc/sites/732.htm
Bonus Cartoon
From Alex
Alex
Alex's Site
In The Chaos Household
Last Night's TV
Started out with the 'World Series'.
I never bet, but Michelle in Gilbert, AZ is so convinced her Diamondbacks will win that I'm in
the peculiar position of sitting on a 'sure' thing.
Caught 'Frasier' on NBC, where the excuse for a plotline dealt with a party that
was way too Freudian.
Also saw 'Dateline'.
Steve Buscemi is scheduled for Conan, so I'll be up awhile.
Tonight, 'The West Wing' looks promising, and Drew Carey has it's Halloween show.
We'll be passing out candy, and shepherding the kid around the neighborhood for his annual share
of the sugar cartel's bounty.
ALSO - CBS is showing a one hour long, heavily edited version of Paul McCartney's "Concert
For New York that initially ran nearly 6 hours on VH1, in place of 'Wolf Lake'.
Wolf Lake is now going on 'hiatus', and will spend most of sweeps in the back of the
giant TV Refrigerator with 'Emeril', 'Elimidate Deluxe', and 'Danny'.
AND - - - Scroll down for a special Halloween Story by the ever-fabulous
Michael Dare.
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
Weekly Review
from Harper's Magazine
Congress passed the USA Patriot Act, a major antiterrorism bill that
will greatly increase the power of the federal government to spy on
citizens and potential terrorists. Senator Russell Feingold cast the
only dissenting vote in the Senate; he argued that the bill's language
was too vague and would allow unconstitutional searches. President
Bush said the bill would protect constitutional rights while
"preventing more atrocities in the hands of the evil ones." American
planes again bombed and this time destroyed the Red Cross complex in
Kabul. One plane that had been ordered to bomb the complex missed and
instead hit a residential neighborhood. Another American bomb killed
seven children who were sitting at home having breakfast. Northern
Alliance soldiers in Afghanistan were upset that the American bombing
was so paltry that it was raising Taliban morale: "If the United
States did this for a hundred years, it's not enough." There was a
report that American forces had passed up a chance to destroy a convoy
carrying Taliban leader Mulla Omar Mohammed because they didn't have
authority to do so. Pentagon officials expressed surprise at the
toughness of Taliban soldiers and warned that it would probably be a
long war. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld warned that Osama bin
Laden might get away: "It's a big world," he noted. Other Pentagon
officials were telling reporters that the Afghan war will probably
just make things worse, that short-term tactical gains may well lead
to catastrophic strategic losses. Postal workers continued to come
down with anthrax. Some died; others were upset that their security
had been completely overlooked by federal officials. Secretary of
Health Tommy Thompson was criticized for mishandling the anthrax
attack and substituting spin control for effective public-health
strategies. Campbell Gardett, a spokesman for the agency, defended
his boss: "Something that's factual at this moment proves not to be
factual in retrospect. That doesn't mean it wasn't factual at the
time." President Bush warned that America was "still under attack."
Experts described the anthrax as "fluffy." The terrorists "have the
keys to the kingdom," warned Al Zelicoff, a doctor who works on
biological weapons. "They can do large-scale dissemination when they
wish." In a press release entitled "Pentagon Seeks Ideas on Combating
Terrorism," the United States Department of Defense announced that it
"specifically seeks help in combating terrorism, defeating difficult
targets, conducting protracted operations in remote areas, and
developing countermeasures to weapons of mass destruction."
( continued at Weekly Review )
--Roger D. Hodge
As Promised
Bonus Page Link
Here are some MP3 files from BC
Nah, This One Is Too Easy...
Charlton Heston
Charlton Heston is in the Brazilian rainforest playing Nazi fugitive Josef Mengele in a
low-budget picture aiming for a Cannes 2002 bow.
The independent project is adapted from German journalist Peter Schneider's novel ``Father,''
based on the true story of Mengele's son Rolf's 1977 visit to his infamous father. The film's
working title of ``Rua Alguem 5555'' refers to Mengele's address in the state of Sao Paulo.
Italian firm Gam Film is the lead producer of the $4.4 million English-language picture,
which is being directed by Egidio Eronico (''Metropolitan Fairytale'').
Mengele, known as the ``angel of death'' for his cruel experiments at Auschwitz, escaped
to South America after the war and is believed to have drowned in 1985.
Charlton Heston As Josef Mengele
New!
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
To check out 'Train Station Chicken', and more (like 'Cranberry Autumn Tea'),
In The Kitchen With BartCop
From The Script Of 'Network'?
'Fantasy Island' Lives Again (Sort Of)
``Fantasy Island'' is making another comeback -- this time as a reality series for NBC.
The network is producing a pilot for a nonfiction version of the classic ABC hour, which
starred Ricardo Montalban as the wish-fulfilling, vaguely Satan-esque overlord of a
mysterious island resort.
``What we want to do with this format is try to use the idea of 'Be careful what you wish for,'''
said NBC reality/specials chief Jeff Gaspin. ``It's not 'Queen for a Day.' It's showing people
that what they think they want isn't always what they actually want.''
The new series will take real people and put them on an island resort where one of their
wishes or desires is fulfilled. But as in the original, there won't always be a happy outcome.
Added executive producer Danica Krislovich: ``Everybody has a fantasy, but nobody ever
thinks of the consequences of what might happen if it came true.''
Gaspin and Krislovich said the show will incorporate elements of multiple reality formats,
from ``Popstars'' to ''Temptation Island'' to ``Survivor.''
``There's a lot of flexibility in the format,'' Gaspin said.
Each episode will feature multiple storylines -- from romance to adventure -- with some
possibly carrying over from week to week and others intersecting. There'll likely be a
Mr. Rourke-like host and possibly a sidekick to fill the small shoes of Tattoo (played
by the late Herve Villechaize).
Krislovich envisions each episode beginning with guests being flown onto ``Fantasy
Island'' via plane, not unlike the series in which Rourke and Tattoo would greet
the guests as they arrived.
A potential storyline could involve an engaged woman with cold feet walking into her
``Fantasy Island'' bedroom to find her ex-boyfriend. Over the course of a few days,
she'd be able to discover whether she still has feelings for the ex-flame. As her
visit to the island is wrapping up, she might then walk into a dining room to
find her fiance.
``Every fantasy will have its own storyline, but it won't be scripted,'' Krislovich said.
Fantasy Island To Live Again
If You're In Phoenix, AZ
Alice Cooper's Nightmare
In the last room at Alice Cooper's haunted house, where a chainsaw-wielding maniac chases screaming
customers onto the street, there's a ``wall of shame.'' A cell phone, beeper, glasses and some jewelry
dangle on rusty hooks.
For the actors portraying the haunted house's freaks and ghouls, it's evidence of a good night's
scare: personal items left behind by customers too frightened to stop.
Cooper, the makeup-wearing pioneer of shock rock, is on tour this Halloween promoting his new album.
But Alice Cooper's Nightmare, the haunted house the 53-year-old left behind in his hometown of Phoenix,
is so frightening, ``People pay us their money and then thank us for scaring them,'' haunted house
director Steve Kopelman said.
About 1,000 people show up nightly for the show, which runs through Saturday. Children under 13 must
be accompanied by an adult. Admission is $13.
The production cost $250,000 and took 15 months to finish, said director Ted Kelley. High-tech robots,
sound and lighting fill the house, but Kelley said its success stems mostly from the 30 actors and crew.
``It's like an eight-hour aerobics class for the actors,'' said Kelley. ``Granted, it's a 30-second show
that they'll do hundreds of times a night, but it's in their blood. They love to scare.''
On the Net:
http://www.frightened.com/index2.html
Alice Cooper's 'Nightmare'
Season's Latest Show On 'Hiatus'
'Wolf Lake'
CBS has drained ``Wolf Lake,'' but the news is better for the network's fellow rookie
drama ``The Agency.''
CBS placed the spooky thriller ``Lake'' on hiatus after four airings Monday, while
ordering five additional scripts of the spook drama ``Agency.''
Despite a teaser campaign that promised partial nudity (viewer discretion advised,
of course), audiences didn't howl for ``Wolf.'' The drama averaged only 6.6 million
viewers, down 40% from what CBS' Wednesday night movie pulled in the 10 p.m. hour last year.
CBS execs are mulling how to fill the show's time slot, but haven't yet decided.
Candidates include the John Wells drama ``Citizen Baines,'' which has languished on Saturdays.
CBS had previously announced plans to air an edited version of ``The Concert for New
York,'' which was telecast by sibling cabler VH1 on Oct. 13, in ``Wolf Lake's'' time
slot this week.
``Wolf Lake'' followed the creepy goings-on in a small town where residents can morph
into wolves. Lou Diamond Phillips starred as a sheriff who comes to town to investigate
the disappearance of a prominent town leader's daughter.
After picking up the series, CBS reworked the show's original pilot, making a number of
tweaks such as turning Phillips' character into a law officer. Sharon Lawrence and Mia
Kirshner were added to the cast, which also included Tim Matheson and Graham Greene.
'Wolfe Lake' Goes On 'Hiatus'
Where's The Big Dog?
Bill Clinton Watch
Former United States President Bill Clinton addresses an international conference on globalization
at Ghent University, October 30, 2001. The conference brought together a wide range of politicians
and economists to discuss how to respond to the issues raised by globalization.
Photo by Thierry Roge.
New! Updated!
BartCop Astrology
Check it out at BC Astrology.
This week, the official BartCop Astrologer has provided two charts.
One who's talent (and hearing, as well), is on loan from his god, and for contrast, an American visionary,
national treasure, and real-life role model, Helen Keller.
Very interesting reading!
Latest 'Star Wars' Trailer
'Monsters, Inc'
Under a watershed pact between two pioneering film producers, George Lucas' Lucasfilm
will screen trailers of its upcoming ``Star Wars, Episode II -- Attack of the Clones''
before Pixar Animation's ``Monsters, Inc.,'' which opens Friday.
The pact had nothing to do with the film's respective distributors, Fox and Disney, who
now fear a slippery slope of trailer favor-swapping and an erosion of control over a
time-tested link in the marketing chain.
``The question is, Who owns that space before the movie?'' asked one studio distribution
chief. ``Is it the theater? Is it someone who produced or starred in the movie? Or is it the studio?''
Much of the outcry is over the physical attachment of the ``Star Wars'' trailer to the
front of the ``Monsters'' print -- the best promotional real estate offered at the multiplex.
Under Motion Picture Assn. of America guidelines, only 2-1/2 minutes of trailer time
may be attached to the feature at the film lab. An attached trailer plays more frequently
and in more prominent slots than trailers shipped separately to exhibitors.
The MPAA makes an exception for one film per studio per year, allowing the attached
running time to reach four minutes. People familiar with the ``Monsters'' case believe
the one-time exemption was taken, enabling the ``Clones'' trailer and one for Disney's
``Lilo & Stitch'' cartoon to run two minutes apiece.
Lucasfilm and Pixar share deep roots. Lucasfilm holds a financial stake in Pixar,
which started as the computer animation unit of Lucasfilm before being sold to Apple in 1986.
The two entities also share a rare degree of power over the studios distributing and
marketing their pics. It was Lucas, after all, who used the success of the initial
``Star Wars'' to demand an unheard-of cut of the gross on ``The Empire Strikes Back'': north of 50%.
The Lucas-Pixar relationship is close enough that a promo trailer for the THX sound
system was recently scrapped because it featured characters from ``Shrek,'' DreamWorks'
animated archrival to ``Monsters, Inc.''
Curiously, the Lucas-Pixar bond carries a potential downside for both of their host
studios despite the ``Star Wars'' PR manna: ``Attack of the Clones'' reaches theaters
on May 17, shortly before ``Lilo & Stitch'' bows.
Fox referred questions to Lucasfilm. Jim Ward, Lucasfilm's VP of marketing, said the
``long-standing relationship'' between Pixar and Lucas benefits them both in this case.
He dismissed any complaints about the tactics. ``All of this over a trailer?'' he said.
Executives from Disney and Pixar could not be reached for comment.
In November 1998, the trailer for ``Star Wars: Episode I -- The Phantom Menace'' played
before Universal's ``Meet Joe Black,'' an ignominious host which ``Star Wars'' fans walked
out of after getting their trailer fix.
Star Wars Trailer
Who To Believe?
J Lo
Bronx-born beauty Jennifer Lopez is so scared of New York following the World Trade Center
attacks that she's refused to promote her new clothing line here, sources have told The Post.
"J.Lo by Jennifer Lopez," made for women with full figures - and large derrieres - debuted
at Macy's Oct. 25, after the world-famous department store scored exclusive rights to the
line for the first week.
But, sources said, the 31-year-old pop queen-actress refused to show up to help promote the event.
"Jennifer is too scared to come to New York," a source said.
Alan Nierob, a rep for Lopez - who wed dancer Cris Judd on Sept. 28 - said the star hasn't come
to New York City because she is still considered to be on her honeymoon.
But the source insisted: "Jennifer was scheduled to show up through her commitment to Macy's."
In fact, other sources said, the diva's clothing line was originally set for a Nov. 1 debut, but
was moved back to Oct. 25 so she could maneuver out of being in town - using her honeymoon as an excuse.
A Macy's spokeswoman said it would be "inappropriate to comment on rumors."
Lopez returned to the United States last week with her new hubby - but she headed straight for Miami.
J.Lo's scaredy-cat attitude had fans from her old Castle Hill neighborhood in the Bronx stunned.
J Lo, Fear & NYC
Got A Pair Of Boots Handy?
Michael Jackson
The only thing "Invincible" about Michael Jackson is his ego. In a Web chat at getmusic.com
with hordes of his fans Friday to promote his poorly received new album, the fading superstar
suggested that he and his talent are God-like.
Asked about the CD's title, Jackson said: " 'Invincible' is the proper name . . . I have
been the artist with the longest career and I am so proud and honored to be chosen from
Heaven to be invincible.
"The songwriting process is difficult to explain because it's very spiritual - you're in
the hands of God and it's as if it's been written already.
"That's the real truth. It's like the songs have been written already in their entirety
before you were even born and they just fall into your lap. I feel guilty having to put
my name on the songs sometimes because I write them, compose them, score them and it's
all really the work of God."
Throughout the half-hour long chat, Jackson rambled on about his life, career, the album
and other projects. Among his other comments:
* "When I come to a town I would love to see a children's festival and children's choirs
singing my songs - maybe create a children's day! A Holiday! With parades and songs -oh,
I would love that!"
* "Mentally, I'm always in Never-Neverland - Hee-hee!"
* "Being on stage and watching cartoons are my favorite things in the entire world. That's
what inspires me."
* "I always wanted to be in the 'Guinness Book of World Records,' so when 'Thriller' was listed
as the biggest-selling album of all time, it was the happiest moment of my life."
* When a fan asked about changes in the music industry, Jackson puzzlingly replied, "How does a
1-year-old child know how to dance? It's biological. The grass, the trees, the flowers - they
are all influenced by music. All the planets of the Universe make music - it's called 'Music
of the Spheres' - and all the planets make a different note, and are making harmony as we speak!"
* "All the hip hop is now getting like aerobics - it's annoying."
* Regarding his "Ghost" video: "I don't want to scare people. Within the laughter there is a
tear in there. It's always been my dream to do something scary and funny. But we did get the
fat man, this mayor man, it was justice for coming into my house and on my property - judging me."
At the end of the chat, Jackson noted that for Halloween he "was just going to go trick or
treat - knock on some doors and get some candy! I like dressing up like a monster and getting candy!"
Michael Jackson & Halloween
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BartCop TV!
Visit the site at BC TV
The 'Vidiot' never seems to rest!
Every show on TV must be listed--days worth of reading there.
For an amazing variety of information on an awesome array of tv programs check out
BC TV!
Cutting 450 Jobs
MTV
MTV Networks is laying off 450 employees, or about 9 percent of its work force, as
parent company Viacom Inc. cuts costs amid a worsening advertising downturn.
The cuts, which were detailed in a memo to staff Monday from MTV Networks chief
executive Tom Freston, will affect all parts of the division, which in addition
to MTV also include Nickelodeon, VH1 and TNN.
The layoffs are part of a broad restructuring of MTV Networks, the first it has had
in 12 years, a period during which MTV grew rapidly and developed a major presence overseas.
Last week Viacom, which also owns CBS, the Paramount movie studio and other media
properties, reported a net third-quarter loss of $190.4 million due to a downturn
in advertising revenues and a charge at its Blockbuster video rental unit.
Viacom is more vulnerable to swings in advertising spending than many of its rival media
conlgomerates, taking roughly half of its revenues from advertising. In addition to the
CBS network, Viacom also owns numerous TV and radio stations as well as a major
outdoor advertising business.
Separately, MSNBC told its staff in a memo that it was considering ``serious'' cost-cutting
moves of its own, including suspending long-form programming not related to the war on
terrorism, Reuters reported.
MSNBC spokesman Mark O'Connor confirmed the gist of the memo but declined to comment on
what specific steps the company was taking.
MTV Cuts 450 Jobs
Mr. Spock's Flaw
Leonard Nimoy
The actor Leonard Nimoy, who played Spock in Star Trek, has admitted that his role as the Starship
Enterprise's straight-laced Vulcan with two hearts and no emotions, led him to alcohol addiction.
Once the cameras stopped, he reached for a drink and later fought a long battle with alcohol
abuse. He made the confession in a video he has completed with William Shatner, who played the
Enterprise's Captain Kirk. They interviewed each other for 80 minutes about how the science
fiction series affected their lives.
Nimoy, 70, the son of Ukrainian Jewish peasants, told for the first time how his problem started
with the two glasses of wine he would use to wind down after long hours of filming. "I started
drinking regularly, ritually, during the second or third year of our series.
"The minute we finished the last shot I would have a drink. Then it became a series of drinks,
little by little. Before I knew it I was drinking more and more because my addictive
personality was taking over."
Nimoy said he drank wine, beer and spirits to deal with the pressures of fame. His secretary
would bring him alcohol, disguised in a cardboard cup. Nimoy said that eventually, realising
the toll it was taking on his professional work and personal life, he went to a rehabilitation clinic.
He blamed his addiction partly on the breakdown of his first marriage to Sandra Zober after 32
years. He reportedly walked out on her 56th birthday. A year after his divorce in 1987 he married
Susan Bay. Nimoy, a father of two, said he had not had alcohol since he "fell in love" with
Bay, a film executive.
Nimoy has since played Sherlock Holmes in a Royal Shakespeare Company production and acted on
Broadway in Equus. He is noted in the theatre world for his touring show as Theo Van Gogh in
Vincent. Shatner, 70, said Star Trek wrecked his first marriage and that he then sought comfort
from many of the women who starred in the series.
Mr. Spock's Vice
Extra Special Halloween Bonus
From Michael Dare
Michael Dare
POV: Killer
by Michael Dare
I steal a car. I stop in a burger joint, kill the owner, screw his wife on the counter, then stuff her head into the deep fryer. Some customers arrive and I take their orders. Then they take mine. I force them into the meat locker and blast them all with a shotgun.
I steal their car and cruise Sunset Boulevard looking for hitchhikers. Two teenage punks in front of the Whiskey. They think they've just seen Fear but I'm going to show them the real thing. I lower the window and offer them cocaine. They stick their head in the car. Bad move. I raise the electric window and both their heads fall on the seat.
Hmmm, I wonder who's at the Roxy? I go to the Rainbow Bar with a severed head in each hand. No one notices. It's Halloween. I order Bloody Marys for all. I roll a severed head onto the dance floor and knock over all but one dancer. Him, I knock out with a drink. A spare. Not bad. I pour rum over the other head and set it on fire. The Rainbow burns to the ground. No one notices.
I get back in my car and drive through Beverly Hills. I run over a sushi chef, a gorilla in a diver's helmet, and three Iranians before arriving at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. I go to the coffee shop and buy a paper. The headline reads, "The President's Brain is Missing!" It was stolen six month ago by terrorists, but till now no one noticed. A massive search is on, as the President would like to do some thinking tonight. Shelly Winters is sought for questioning.
I throw the paper away and go to the men's room. I wash my face. I turn around. A beautiful naked woman is walking towards me. We kiss. Her flesh melts from her bones. Her grisly skeleton chases me as the room fills with the smell of decay. The front door is locked. I pound and pound trying to get out but it's no use. I fall to the floor sobbing. I can hear the soggy footsteps getting closer and closer. Seconds pass. A minute. Five minutes. I'm safe. I get up, the door opens easily, and I'm about to step outside when a bony hand grabs my shoulder and pulls me back in.
I wheel around. It's Stanley Kubrick. He tells me he loved my screenplay. He wants to direct it. He shakes my hand and leaves, but not before mentioning that he also loved my review of Body Heat. I didn't review Body Heat. I realize he thinks I'm Michael Ventura.
I decide to kill Michael Ventura. I look up his name in the city directory but they don't list people named after counties. I go to a store. I buy a gun. I blow out the brains of the guy who sells me the gun. Serves him right.
The police arrest me and I go to the pen where I'm buggered and beaten. I escape in a rubber raft. I'm swept out to sea in a storm. I pass out.
I awaken on the shore of a tropical island. Something bites my leg. It's a toy poodle. Here come hundreds of them. They all get sucked under the sand by some hideous hidden beast. I'd better get out of here.
A string ladder drops from the sky. I climb aboard and get quickly carried aloft. I look up. A helicopter full of soldiers and machine guns. I look down. We're strafing Polynesian huts full of hula girls and tourists. I've got to find out who's in charge here. I climb the ladder. Darth Vader leans out and cuts off my hand. I plummet towards the ground.
I discover I can fly. I go to New York. I meet a girl. I fall in love. We have a deformed baby that looks like a turkey torso with eyes. After six months of trying to raise it as my own, I throw it in the oven one night. My wife tries to kill me. I chase her down the hallway. I throw her out a window. No one notices.
I walk to the bookshelf and remove Franny and Zooey. I take it with me to a special benefit concert for dead rock stars. In memory of Jim Morrison, they change the name of Fire Island to Light My Fire Island. There's a riot as the Who forget the words to "Moon Over Miami"; 27 teenagers are trampled to death.
I steal one of the bodies, dress it in my mother's clothes, prop it up at my dining room table, and force feed it chicken soup till it comes back to life. It can only speak in old Jackie Mason routines. It goes to the Improv and gets discovered by a TV exec who gives it its own show. I'm the only one who knows that the star of a major sitcom is actually a dead teenage girl. I try to blackmail the network. They laugh at me. They tell me they've been using nothing but dead teenage girls for years.
I decide that if they can get away with anything, so can I. I walk down the street strangling people. They arrest me. A judge sentences me to produce a TV special about how bad it is to strangle people. I go back to Hollywood and stab a few backs. No one notices.
I put on a mask so no one knows it's me. I kill baby-sitters. I've killed Jamie Lee Curtis 37 times but she keeps coming back for more. Once, I took off all her clothes, hung her from the ceiling, and attacked her with a blowtorch. I recorded her screams for later. I've stabbed her in the shoulder in the shower and in the trachea in a train. I save the blood and roll around in it.
I build giant monuments to my most grisly actions. I starve babies. Pluck them from the womb and scatter them about the room. No wire hangers, ever!
I leave a bowl of apples full of razor blades by my front door for trick or treaters. I put on a new mask and drive around suburbia with a chainsaw. I cautiously follow a group of children dressed as characters from Broadway musicals. I throw one into the bushes and try to rape her with the Uncola when the hills come alive with the sound of an earthquake. Los Angeles falls apart. Mulholland and Fountain now intersect. Everyone thinks it's my fault, not San Andreas. A crowd of tourists beats me to death. No one notices.
A runaway truck full of plate glass strikes a fire hydrant. One sheet flies off the back and becomes a stained glass window as it slices through my neck. A famous French chef picks up my head and takes it to Wolfgang Puck who cracks it open and serves it to Shelly Winters with a melon scoop.
I wake with a scream and find watermelon pits all over the bed. A beautiful nurse enters the room and tries to feed me hospital food, but I have a strange desire for kibble. She tells me I've been unconscious for months recovering from a poodle bite. I look out the window and notice the full moon. Little pink ribbons suddenly appear in my hair. With a horrible, bone-rattling crunch, my face transforms itself into a snout. I turn into a giant toy poodle. I terrorize the town. The National Guard arrives but they can't fire their weapons on me because I'm so darn cute.
I duck down a dark street and up a deserted alley. I join a gang of other poodles. We attack winos. I awaken naked in a zoo. My boss finds out and fires me but I don't care because I know what I am. I am the longest goddam tracking shot in the history of cinema.
I'm staring into the house through the living room window waiting for your parents to leave you alone. I enter through the back door, grab a knife from the kitchen, and follow you upstairs. I put on another mask. I stab you repeatedly till the walls are a Jackson Pollack of your blood. I walk outside still carrying the knife. I hear sirens. I scream.
I wake up and look around. I'm relieved to find that I'm still sitting in a theater watching the movie. Everyone around me is screaming too, so no one notices mine. I look back at the screen. I'm standing on someone's front lawn and laughing hysterically. I stare down at my hand. There's still fresh blood dripping from the knife in it.
What a funny movie. Soon they'll cut to another shot and everyone will get to see what the killer looks like. I'd really like to know. This Point of View shit is driving me crazy. Why is the director lingering so long on this dopey shot of me standing here looking at this knife in my hand? I hear police sirens. Good, maybe they can sort this out. There they are now.
Hey, guys, over here. What are you doing? This is just a movie, isn't it? I was just watching. I scream but I don't wake up. Nothing goes away.
No, of course I don't know what the killer looked like. It was all a POV shot. What do you mean I've got to come with you? Don't you understand? I had nothing to do with it. Where are they taking me? Why doesn't the director cut to another shot?
The audience gets up to leave. My seat is vacant. No one notices.
The End
What? You thought I made all this up?
In order of appearance:
The Postman Always Rings Twice, My Bloody Valentine, The 6:00 News, Maniac, Motel Hell, Plan 9 from Outer Space, Heavy Metal, The Fan, Prom Night, The Jerk, Taxi Driver, Escape from Alcatraz, Blue Lagoon, Blood Beach, Apocalypse Now, The Empire Strikes Back, Superman, Endless Love, Eraserhead, Happy Birthday to Me, New Year's Evil, The 10:00 News, Don't Go In the House, Nice Dreams, Get High on Yourself, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Final Exam, Zombie, He Knows You're Alone, When the Screaming Stops, Blow Out, Psycho, Terror Train, Halloween II, Friday the 13th, Mommy Dearest, Earthquake, Scanners, The Omen, Night of the Living Dead, An American Werewolf in London, Altered States, Halloween.
"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.
- Seneca - (BC 3-65 AD, Roman Philosopher, Dramatist, Statesman)
"As a net is made up of a series of ties, so everything in this world is connected by a series of ties. If anyone thinks that the mesh of a net is an independent, isolated thing, he is mistaken. It is called a net because it is made up of a series of interconnected meshes, and each mesh has its place and responsibility in relation to other meshes."
- Buddha -
ONE OF THE TOP 25 ENTERTAINMENT SITES ON THE NET
says E-Online
Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle
when visiting http://I.am/MichaelDare
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Still Really Like This One....
"Boondocks" (9 Oct 01)
Gonna let it ride for awhile.
Still MISSING
Marc Chagall's "Study for 'Over Vitebsk'"
