BartCop Entertainment News - Tuesday, 31 July, 2001

(Bartcop Entertainment)

Tuesday

31 July, 2001

BartCop TV Is Here!

Check it out at BC TV

Our resident 'Vidiot', has done an excellent job in putting it all together.


The Vidiot

Go check it out!

NEW!

Check it out at BC Astrology

Who's Going To Hell This Week

You never know who's going to trade their soul away or what they're going to get 
for it unless you're Helen A. Handbasket, ex-executive chief in charge of operations 
for the burning flames of hellfire. Who are her sources? Wouldn't you like to know? 
Sorry, all communications are confidential and the property of Helen A. Handbasket, 
whose opinions do not necessarily reflect those of this or any other publication. 

WHO'S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?

July 30, 2001

Satan's plan to shut down Napster, forcing teens to switch to other file sharing 
programs that allow them to trade pornography as well as music, was such a complete 
success that he threw a party that was the hit of the season. Why weren't you invited? 
Do you have an asbestos suit?
- Helen -

10. Caroline Rhea is taking over "The Rosie O'Donnell Show." Rosie O'Donnell is 
      taking over Adolf Hitler's job of roasting over an open spit.

 9. Architectural Digest is printing Lynne Cheney's personal story of the 
      redecoration of the vice-presidential residential quarters only under the 
      condition that they leave out her husband's collection of pitchforks.

 8. Slogan of the week for residents of Vieques, Puerto Rico: "I voted for the 
      United States Navy to stop doing bombing exercises but all I got was this 
      lousy T-Shirt!"

 7. Despite a storm that destroyed 200 Florida turtle nests, Brad Pitt still can't 
      get Jennifer Aniston pregnant.

 6. Defying the White House and the huge "We want poison in our water" movement, 
      the House of Representatives took the daring stance of lowering arsenic levels 
      in drinking water.

 5. Director Tim Burton threatened to kill Matt Drudge for giving away the ending 
      of "Planet of the Apes." He didn't succeed. Too bad.

 4. The advertising industry is planning to digitally drop product images into TV 
      reruns.

 3. Why is Keiko the killer whale from "Free Willy" refusing his freedom despite 
      60 trips out of his pen into the open sea? What other way was there to get 
      Michael Flatley to quit "Riverdance?" Way to go, Willy!

 2. Bill Clinton moved into his new offices in Harlem, now known as "The West Shwing."

And the number one person going to hell this week?

 1. The writer of the "Sircam" virus, which I personally got 50 times, has booked 
      5,000 hours of personal home barbecue time.

Personal to Karl Rove: Thanks for the stock tip.
Personal to the Pope: Fetuses don't have anything against Papal research.

Arithmetic from Hell

74 killed in a China mine disaster plus 6 dead in a West Bank blast times $21 million 
raised by a postage stamp for "licking" cancer minus 178 nations signing the Kyoto 
protocols divided by all the members of 'N Sync with talent equals $44.8 billion in 
fiber optic losses reported by JDS Uniphase plus $59.4 million made by "America's 
Sweethearts" divided by the $200,000 reward for the recovery of Chandra Levy.

WHAT?

You missed some of Helen's Columns? 

Read them all at Gossip From Hell

Helen A. Handbasket

(Thanks, Michael)

Reader Comments

A smart guy once wrote that if you let him set the terms of a bet he would always win.
With this guitar star stuff Bartcop, you started out setting the bet.
It was, who is the best living rock guitarist that most people have heard of. 
Given that limitation, your boy Page has got it. We could quibble about style or 
personal likes and dislikes, subjective stuff like that. But no one would seriously 
call you goofy for liking Jimmy Page.

Then you let the terms of that bet get away from you. You were the first to add a 
guy no one had ever heard of. Then you let rude boy throw in dead guys and purty 
soon the categories broadened beyond rock to include any type of music.
Well Bartcop our friend Jimmy Page doesn't fair so well when you compare him to all 
the guitarists that ever cut a record. The same can be said for any single player. 
Not one of them can stand up to the weight of history.

Technical perfection: No rocker has got that. But if you talk about classical 
guitarist, technical perfection is a given for that group. If that's a standard 
someone uses then Andres Segovia is your man. Hell Mr. Clean Chet Atkins is the 
only pop artist that comes close. (And a certain nameless metal head who thinks 
he can play Bach, can bite me.) 

Improvisation: We got some rockers that can stand up there. But all of them have 
to stand aside for Joe Pass or Django Reinhardt. That's what Jazz is all about 
buddy and the two guys there did it all the time not just on the solo, but on 
the chorus, on the melody, playing harmony, playing rhythm backing up some other 
guy, just constantly all the time nonstop.

Soul: Bartcop this was the one comment you made that kinda set me off. You said 
you liked Page because he played with more soul. If you had kept it to rockers 
I would have been fine with that statement, if a little irked. But once you 
include other types of music, every rocker in the world ain't got but a little 
bit of the soul they borrowed from Robert Johnson, Albert King, and John Lee 
Hooker. Those guys are just a part of the picture. If you want low down soul 
searing, grind it out guitar, you got to start with the blues. Most rockers are 
trying to catch up to what these guys were doing in the Thirties, Forties, and 
Fifties.

Bartcop about know you’re thinking I don't like Rock that much . Well that ain't 
the case. From surf music through the Beatles and on up, I have been rockin it.
But the best thing that happened to me was Disco. It made me abandon pop music for 
around eight or nine years and gave me the chance to hook up with Classical, Jazz, 
and the Blues.

Now let me tell you what Rock brings to the party. It "grinds" it, all that stuff 
I bored you with before, Rock takes it all and grinds it up hard and loud and fast. 
Rock is to music what Chick Webb was to Jazz. Loud rockin, tongue hardening, hip 
twitchin, grind it all up sexy, music.
And your boy Jimmy grinds it as good as any rocker I know.

Buzzcook

Chick Webb

Robert Johnson

Albert King

John Lee Hooker
Hell if you don't already know John Lee, no link will save ya.

Joe Pass

Django Reinhardt

Andres Segovia

Mr. Guitar

 ~~Buzzcook 

Fun Link

Jenna Update

Pickles Wants Twins Left Alone

First 'lady' Laura "Pickles" Bush has accused the news media of overzealous, 
profit-driven coverage of the tequila twins, saying they should be ''totally left 
alone.''

Seeing as how the scandalous offspring have only made headlines thanks to their 
run-ins with the law, perhaps she's barking up the wrong tree.

Seems the FCC keeps making up new rules to benefit Rupert Mudoch and the 'rev'
Moon, allowing them to monopolize the media, so I wonder how much of the 
'overzealous, profit-driven coverage' is benefitting her husbands benefactors?

The first lady also denied reports that she smokes cigarettes, although she says 
she used to.  Guess it was her version of a 'youthful indescretion'.

To read the rest of the story, Pickles
  

Fun Link

Where Do You Sit?

Reader Reading Recommendations

I lived in the Scumshine State from 1976 until 2000.  After having grown up in the 
Midwest there came a frequent sense of "this is lunacy." Every so often in Florida, 
I'd see things in the newspaper, on the news, or in person that were stunning in 
their stupidity, vulgarity, cravenness, inanity, etc.  Here are a couple of quick 
articles to set up the works of Carl Hiaasen, if you've never read his work.
 
The Son-Shine State

Sunshine Psychosis

I remember seeing pictures from the floor of the State Capitol, with one legislator 
or another wearing a pig snout on his nose or a "funny" hat to make the point that 
this bill they were debating was a "pork barrel project."  There would inevitably 
be laughing representatives or senators in the background.  "Hehheh.  'At Jimmy Bob 
sure is a funny one, ain' he?"

Here's an excerpt from Sick Puppy.  Lisa June Peterson, the executive assistant to 
the current governor, has been studying the dossier of Clinton Tyree, the 
mysterious ex-governor who left no trail behind him when he left office.  

   "To an avid student of government, Clinton Tyree's stay in Tallahassee was as 
fascinating as it was brief.  He was probably right about almost everything, thought 
Lisa June Peterson, yet he did almost everything wrong.  He cursed at press 
conferences.  He gave radical speeches, quoting from Dylan, John Lennon, and 
Lenny Bruce.  He let himself go, shambling barefoot and unshaven around the 
capitol.  As popular as Clinton Tyree had been with the common folk of Florida, 
he'd stood no chance--none whatsoever--of disabling the machinery of greed and 
converting the legislature to a body of foresight and honest ethics.  It was boggling 
to think a sane person would even try."

Sick Puppy, by Carl Hiaasen.  I guess I'd have to say my favorite part out of many 
is the set of aliases of the hooker who only "does" Republicans.  

 ~~btw72@aol.com

Fun Link

Reader Review

A new album has hit the classical music market that is really worth a mention 
here.  It is the West Side Story Suite.   

Older people and Broadway enthusiasts will be familar with West Side Story, the 
classic musical written by Leonard Bernstein in the 1950's.  Leonard Bernstein 
was one of the most interesting and talented musicians to come out of the classical
music scene in this country.  An activist and humanist, Lenny was able to 
communicate his joy in music to listeners of all ages.   He appreciated everything from Copeland to the Beatles.  This collection is a wonderful
introduction to his music for those who may be unfamilar, and a reminder for those 
of us who adore his music.  

The solist is the excellent  American violinist, 
Joshua Bell.  David Zinman conducts the Philharmonia orchestra.

A highly recommended album, great music, great interpretation.
 ~~Nancy Maynard

Fun Link

Reader Review

Jerry Manthey, of Survivor II fame, became the first Survivor to pose for Playboy.  
Look for her 10-page spread in the September issue of Playboy.

Interview with Stockard Channing on her becoming a 
regular on the show, salary raises for co-stars and being the 
First Lady: Stockard Channing 

Today in History:

1619 - The first legislative assembly in America, known as the House 
of Burgesses, was convened in Jamestown, Virginia

1945 - The U.S. cruiser Indianapolis was sunk by a Japanese submarine 
killing over 800

1947 - Arnold Schqarzenegger born
1961 - Laurence Fishburne born
1974 - Hillary Swank born

Scary Link

Paula Poundstone Update

Poundstone's Drinking a Factor

Comedian Paula Poundstone's drinking problem will definitely be a factor in her defense 
against the child abuse case she is facing, her attorney said Monday.

She was accompanied at the hearing by two dozen supporters. During the brief court 
session Monday, Kamins granted permission for lawyers on both sides to appoint 
expert witnesses if necessary. Outside court, Cron said those experts could focus 
on psychiatric, family and other matters.

Cron initially disclosed Poundstone's drinking problem about two weeks after her 
arrest, but at that time stopped short of saying it would have any impact on her 
defense.

Since then, she has had several visits with her three adopted children while 
remaining at a live-in alcohol rehabilitation facility.

Paula Poundstone

Fun Link

Hysterical Link

Welcome !
You have reached the Home page of BartCop Entertainment.
Make yourself home, take your shoes off...
Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.

The idea is to have fun.
Do you have something to say?  
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better, 
amused or entertained?
Use your words to inform the rest of us.

Do you have a great album no one's heard? 
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?  
A popular artist that just plain pisses you off (Britny and N'Sync don't count, 
they piss off EVERYONE)? 
A box set the whole world should own? 
Vile, filthy rumors about Republican musicians?
Just plain vile, filthy rumors? 
A picture of yourself clad only in panties and sitting on Clint Eastwood's lap? 
This is your place.

Send it to this Marty

Don't send it to BC....
Or send it to this Marty

Do not send it BC....
Or send it to this Marty


Do NOT send it to BC!
Thank you.

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