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Who's Going To Hell This Week
Helen A. Handbasket
Hello, welcome to a special, all-text version of ''Who's Going to Hell
This Week?'' I'm going to let you in on a little secret you're not
supposed to know till you get to the end of the column. I'm the
number one person going to hell this week. Why? Because my monitor
doesn't work and I've got to do my column on a different computer
where I can't format or add graphics or use last week's column as a
template like I usually do.
I had all kinds of great graphics picked out: a photo of a naked
Santa lying on a bearskin rug saying "Roll me over, honey, I'm lying
on your present," and a picture of Jesus barely hanging on to a
crucifix dangling from the rear-view window of a speeding car with
the label "drunk driver from hell" that really loses a lot in
translation. Then there was a hooker from hell, lots of headlines and
links, a puzzle, the answer to last week's puzzle, all trapped in the
hell of my real computer. Ever try to get info out of a computer
without a monitor? Tell me about it.
I don't even remember the regular opening, the part that's in
Italics, something about my legendary access to something or other,
either Satan or Santa. These days it's hard to tell the difference,
even if you're not playing scrabble.
So if you're a newspaper and you're expecting the usual opening, I
hope you've got it on file, because I don't. I'm just winging it from
the wilderness of someone else's computer.
Imagine if you will, a picture of me right here,
Working On Sunday
Chuck & Hillary
Sen. Charles Schumer, D-NY, left, and Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-NY, accept flowers from a local florist following a news conference where they announced a $11.1 billion aid package to Battery Park City residences and stores impacted by the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, Sunday, Dec. 23, 2001, in New York.
Photo by David Karp
In The Chaos Household
Last Night
Being the mechanically-inclined parent, it was a busy day...due to work schedules, we also opened some things
tonight. The resident 9-year old lusted for Bionicles from Lego. We put the scorpion fighters together
and lost a major chunk of reruns.
Later, caught the end of 'It's A Wonderful Life'. In place of 'Letterman' AND 'Leno'
there is a choice of 2 Masses...KTLA (channel 5) is offering Mass #3...dona nobis pacem.
Tonight, Tuesday (Christmas), CBS provides nothing but reruns of 'JAG', 'The Guardian',
and 'Judging Amy'.
NBC will have nothing but 'local' stuff to fill (mostly on the west coast) primetime because of the 76ers
visiting the Lakers.
ABC has nothing but reruns of the usual suspects - 'Dharma & Greg', 'Spin City', more
'Dharma & Greg', more 'Spin City', and 'NYPD Blue'.
The WB has reruns of 'Gilmore Girls' & 'Smallville'.
Faux has reruns of 'That 70's Show', 'The Simpsons', 'Bernie Mac', and 'Malcolm In The Middle'.
TCM has 'Gone With The Wind', followed by 4 Bing Crosby movies (and he's a priest in at least 2
of them!)
Anyone have any opinions?
Or reviews?
(See below for addresses)
Updated!
BartCop TV!
Visit the site at BC TV
The 'Vidiot' never seems to rest - and doesn't let little things like laundry or
housekeeping get in the way!
Damn near every show on TV must is listed - days & days worth of great reading.
If you have any questions about nearly any tv program, check out
BC TV!
Hiring Only The Best
faux
Former Denver television executive Scott Alan McDonald was described as a thief and con man Friday before he
was led in handcuffs from a Denver courtroom to begin a 12-year sentence in the state's community corrections system.
Denver District Judge Shelley Gilman told McDonald, 29, that she expects him to pay $181,500 to dozens of
victims, many of them McDonald's former friends and co-workers.
McDonald was managing editor of Fox News-Channel 31, and before that worked at KUSA-Channel 9 for five years.
McDonald and his lawyer, Bob McAllister, said that McDonald succumbed to a gambling addiction that made him
prey on friends and co-workers.
But prosecutor Phil Parrott said it was McDonald's criminal personality, not gambling, that should be blamed.
"This is not a crime of passion. This is a crime of cold-blooded calculation," Parrott said.
Parrott said McDonald masterminded a series of fraudulent investment schemes backed by phony documents to lure
the victims, including media personalities, into giving McDonald large sums of money. He said that many of
McDonald's victims were initially embarrassed to come forward and that investigators are still finding
people who lost money to McDonald.
Hiring Only The Best
Repeating The 'Michael Jackson 30th Anniversary Show'
Opposite 'The American Music Awards'
CBS announced plans Friday to rebroadcast last month's hugely successful Jacko 30th anniversary special Jan. 9
from 9-11 p.m. -- directly opposite the ABC ceremony. American Music Awards producer Dick Clark last week sued
National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences president Michael Greene for preventing artists -- including
Jackson -- from performing at the AMAs for fear of being banned from the Grammys.
Jackson had told AMA producers he'd be there to perform at next month's kudocast but backed out a few weeks later,
citing Grammy politics as the reason.
A CBS spokesman said the scheduling of the Jackson repeat was not a response to Clark's suit. Indeed, he said
the rebroadcast date was set in early December, before Clark's lawsuit was filed.
CBS also will try to package next month's Jackson rebroadcast as more than just a repeat. It is expected to
include footage of Jackson performances not seen in the original telecast.
Meanwhile, viewers who choose to watch Jacko rather than the AMAs will still be able to catch the kudocast on
cable. ABC's sister cable channel ABC Family will rebroadcast the AMAs on Jan. 11.
Michaels' 30th Repeat Up Against American Music Awards
Fun Link
Buffy Parody
www.odessafilmworks.com/jcvh/index.html
Thanks, No-Dak.
Outbidding Developers
Shirley & Marty
Marty Ingels and Shirley Jones are spending more than $100,000 to keep developers at bay in a tiny mountain
town east of Los Angeles.
The comedian and the actress outbid two developers last week on a half-acre commercial lot in downtown
Fawnskin and plan to turn it into a public park.
``We are seeing the world buried by progress,'' Ingels said. ``They are going to try to figure out where they
can put the 7-Elevens and hotels in downtown Fawnskin, and they will find they can't put them in anywhere.''
Shirley & Marty
Bad Memory Or Sticky Fingers?
Lorraine Bracco
Lorraine Bracco has sticky fingers. Last month, Bracco and her "Sopranos" castmates were photographed for a
spread in a major fashion magazine. The stylist dressed her in a $5,000 Celine by Michael Kors dress. But
when it came time to pack up, Bracco's frock couldn't be found anywhere. She insisted she'd handed it to an
assistant, but the dress had disappeared.
For two weeks the frantic stylist, magazine and designer called
Bracco's people asking if she might have "accidentally" put it somewhere, but she continued to deny it. Then
one night Bracco showed up to an event wearing the dress. Realizing she'd been photographed, she called Kors'
people the next morning, saying she had "borrowed" it after all and wanted to send it back. "It was so tacky,"
says our insider. "I'm sure she wouldn't have given it back if she hadn't got caught." "Lorraine continues
to have a wonderful relationship with Michael Kors," says Bracco's rep. "The dress was borrowed and promptly
returned." Kors' rep did not return calls.
Lorraine Bracco
New!
In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends
Getting A Co-Host
Barbara Walters
Barbara Walters is getting a co-host on "20/20." We'd heard ABC News brass was forcing Walters to share the
air to beef up ratings, but ABC News spokesman Jeffrey Schneider said, "It's at her instigation. Barbara
Walters has long wanted a co-anchor." Walters, 70, looked great lunching Wednesday at the Four Seasons with
Beverly Sills and Shirley Lord. And she's on a roll recently with such "gets" as Vladimir Putin, George W.
and Laura Bush, and Mayor Giuliani's swan song. The network hasn't made a decision yet, but you can bet
her co-host will be a man.
Barbara Walters
A One-Woman Show?
Heidi Fleiss
Heidi Fleiss, who used last week's Los Angeles premiere of "Black Hawk Down" to promote her new "Sex Tips" DVD,
now wants to do a one-woman stage show.
The one-time Hollywood Madam, who showed up at the event on the arm of boyfriend Tom Sizemore, believes her
experiences, both as a supplier of call girls and as a prison inmate for nearly two years, will translate to
the stage. She also wants to launch a sexy Web site.
Heidi Fleiss
Leaving The Hollywood Hills
Sondra Locke
It doesn't pay to cross Clint Eastwood. A property report in the L.A. Times notes that Dirty Harry's former
girlfriend, writer-director Sondra Locke, has just sold her Hollywood Hills home for a meager $740,000 and
has moved out of the area. Sondra, 54, had a very public break-up with Eastwood and claimed he was trying to
derail her career. Maybe he wasn't, but enough Hollywood types are afraid of his power that work did become
very scarce for the talented Locke.
Sondra Locke
Rumors About Future Employment
Mayor Rudy
There are rumors sweeping the TV industry that Rudy Giuliani is signing a deal with NBC.
The story is that he'll be a regular commentator on both local and network stations. His pay will be a significant sum.
Mayor Rudy & NBC?
Road Trip
Martin Sheen
When Martin Sheen took a busload of "West Wing" folks to Las Vegas this month to see cast member NiCole
Robinson perform her standup act at the Riviera Hotel, he gave each passenger a cash Christmas gift to
blow in the hotel's casino. Sheen's rep said she knew about the trip, but was unaware of the mad money.
Martin Sheen's Road Trip
Olympic Torch-Bearer In Brooklyn
Christopher Reeve
Torchbearer Christopher Reeves carries the Olympic Flame during the 2002 Salt Lake Olympic Torch Relay in
Brooklyn, New York, December 23, 2001. The torch will visit 46 states before arriving in Salt Lake City in
time for the February 8, 2002 Opening Ceremonies of the XIX Winter Olympic Games.
Photo by Todd Warshaw
Dr. Dre &
suge knight
Forget sticks and stones. Ex-con rap mogul Marion (Suge) Knight wants to break former partner Dr. Dre with words.
Knight was released from federal prison in August after serving nearly five years for violating probation on
assault charges. He still blames Dre, who co-founded Death Row Records with him, for orchestrating his downfall
when the rapper left the label in 1996 with top-selling artist Snoop Dogg.
After the split, wire reports and news magazines suggested that Knight showed up at Dre's Beverly Hills mansion
with a baseball bat. Knight later denied the incident, but that didn't stop Dre, whose real name is Andre Young,
from describing Knight's antics as a "Don Corleone thing."
Because he's on probation, Knight knows that if anything happened to Dre, authorities would waste no time
contacting him. So Knight has found a new way to fight his nemesis: on his Web site, tharow.com.
The home page has a photo of Dr. Dre seated at a table with group of policemen. A blinking arrow points at
Dre, along with a series of blinking accusations such as "snitch," "bitch" and "fake."
Dre is on vacation and couldn't be reached for comment. But not long ago, he told the hip-hop magazine
Blaze, "I've never seen the need to have anything bad to say about Suge. I just moved on, and I'm not looking back."
suge knight
Birthday Party
Moby
Moby threw the season's steamiest Christmas party Thursday night at the Spa 88 bathhouse on Fulton Street. The
techno rocker, in a white bathrobe, presided over the decadent gathering of pals, including a bevy of topless
babes, who crowded the swimming pool, sauna, steam rooms and Jacuzzis. Bikini-clad Natalie Portman frolicked
in the pool with Moby pals Macaulay Culkin and Damien Loeb. The bash featured two scantily clad men feeding
grapes to women in the Jacuzzis, a sitar player strumming on a bed by the pool and a huge cockroach "chasing
people around" the men's locker room.
Moby's Birthday Party
New! Updated!
(10 Dec., 2001)
The official BartCop Astrologer, Geneva, has done good, again!
Currently, look at the charts of George Harrison.
Very interesting reading!
Before She Marries Husband No. 5...
Joan Collins
Before she marries husband No. 5, Joan Collins has to prove that all her divorces are in order. The other
night at Nirvana, lawyer Marvin Mitchelson - who represented Collins when she got rid of husband No. 4, Peter
Holm, in 1988 - told friends that Collins' secretary had called him for a copy of the decree. Mitchelson
revealed that after the Holm split, Collins vowed, "I'll never get married again. I'm tired of being the
husband. I want to be the wife." Joan, 68, is set to tie the knot with Peruvian-born Percy Gibson, 36, in London in February.
Joan Collins
Disney Circling
Jim Henson Co.
Walt Disney Co. chairman Michael Eisner has signaled an interest in buying the Jim Henson Co., the home of
the Muppets, from ailing German media firm EM.TV.
In an interview with German weekly Focus, Eisner praised Henson content but described the Hollywood company's
going price as too steep. Asked if he would be willing to negotiate, Eisner suggested that EM.TV should call him.
Disney had been in talks with founder Jim Henson to acquire his company over a decade ago, but talks fell
through after his death in 1990.
A one-time stock market wonder, EM.TV plunged to its near doom earlier this year and has since been working
back up by restructuring and streamlining under new management. While still gorged on its stock market capitalization, EM.TV bought the Hollywood-based Henson shop last year for $680 million, drawing scoffs from media observers who said even then that the price was too high.
Looking To Buy
Cool Train Set
Richard Crenna
Richard Crenna has created a winter wonderland in the living room of his home.
The 74-year-old actor has built a mini-Bavarian village along a toy train route that has become a holiday
fixture at his Encino house.
The scene around the two sets of train tracks includes 17 houses, a forest, a hunter at his cabin and a
groom carrying his bride away from a church. The scene beneath the family Christmas tree takes up about
25 square feet of living room space.
Crenna, whose parents ran a downtown Los Angeles hotel, started his entertainment career on radio shows
while still in high school. In the '50s, he appeared on the television shows ``Our Miss Brooks'' and
``The Real McCoys.'' His film credits include ``The Sand Pebbles,'' ``Wait Until Dark, ``Body Heat''
and three of the ``Rambo'' action films.
He currently has a recurring role on the CBS legal drama ``Judging Amy'' and played Ronald Reagan in
the Showtime movie ``The Day Reagan Was Shot,'' which aired this month.
Richard Crenna
Life Long Dream
Russell Crowe
Even as a kid, Russell Crowe knew he wanted to be an actor, and he got his first taste by visiting TV and
movie sets with his parents, who were caterers.
He admits he was an ``annoying little kid'' on the set, but he landed his first part in 1971 on the
Australian series ``Spyforce.''
``I was never a child star; I was a child extra,'' Crowe, 37, tells InStyle magazine for its January issue.
``I'd look at the guy playing the war veteran and tell my parents, 'I don't know why the director doesn't
see me in that role. I might be a little short, but I can do it.'''
Russell Crowe
A Real Christmas-Kind Of Guy
Alice Cooper
Alice Cooper admits he goes a little overboard when it comes to Christmas shopping.
``I am the worst. It take three hours to open the presents. I am the ultimate shopper,'' Cooper told AP
Radio. ``If you can get in our living room on Christmas Eve, you're doing great.''
The 53-year-old rock star said his love of the holiday comes from his childhood.
Cooper also goes all out on Halloween with ``Alice Cooper's Nightmare,'' an elaborate haunted house
in his hometown of Phoenix.
Alice Cooper
BC Entertainment Favorite Link
Moose & Squirrel Information One-Stop
http://geocities.com/mooseandsquirrel1
What a great site! Information and reference materials of the first order!
Between 'Moose & Squirrel' and 'Google', who needs 'refdesk'!
Time To Leave Atlantic City?
The Miss America Pageant
Officials of the Miss America Organization say it has become too expensive to continue staging the event
at Boardwalk Hall and want $1 million in new subsidies.
The Atlantic City Convention & Visitors Authority, which already underwrites the production with $678,000,
is refusing to contribute any more money.
Now Miss America Pageant CEO Robert Renneisen Jr. is threatening to move the whole operation to Nevada,
Florida or Connecticut, site of the big Mohegan Sun casino, places where he said it would turn a profit.
It wasn't until 1997 - nearly 20 years after the first casino opened - that Miss America contestants
were even allowed onto the casino floors of the 12 gambling halls.
That ruffled the feathers of casino executives, particularly because they are expected to provide rooms
for all 50 contestants.
For its part, the city of Atlantic City hasn't been a big promoter of the pageant. For more than
75 years there was no Miss America museum, no monument, no physical structure anywhere in the
city that told visitors they were in Miss America's home.
There She Goes, Miss America...
Our Compassionate Neighbor To The North
Oh, Canada!
The first batch of federally approved medical marijuana is available for shipment, Health Canada said
Friday. "Marijuana from Prairie Plant Systems will be made available to researchers and patients who have
received licences to possess," a department official said.
The department signed a contract last year with Prairie Plant Systems to grow pot in an abandoned mine in
Flin Flon, Man., as part of a government policy to make the drug available to Canadians for medical purposes.
The contract required that the first supply be ready by Jan. 1, 2002 with a minimum THC level - the active
ingredient in the plant - of five per cent.
"This has been accomplished and a quality testing is complete," the official said.
Under rules governing medical marijuana use, patients can grow their own marijuana, have someone grow it
for them or receive it through Health Canada.
"Any distribution will have to ensure three things: privacy, security and reliability," the official said.
An Environics poll in the fall suggested 86 per cent of Canadians support making marijuana available for medical purposes.
Oh, Canada!
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"Boondocks" (9 Oct 01)
Still MISSING
Marc Chagall's "Study for 'Over Vitebsk'"
