Bartcop Entertainment - Thursday, 20 September, 2001

(BartCop Entertainment)

Thursday

20 September, 2001

one earth

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TV Telethon

``America: A Tribute to Heroes''


At least 27 television networks have agreed to set aside their regular schedules to simulcast Friday's star-studded benefit for terrorist attack victims.

``America: A Tribute to Heroes'' will be seen across the broadcast spectrum, on ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, PBS, UPN, the WB, Pax TV, Univision and the Telemundo network.

Cable channels signed on include HBO, TNT, E!, Lifetime, Comedy Central, MTV, VH1, TNN, BET, BET Jazz, Fox Family, FX, Court TV, Discovery, TLC, Showtime and the Sundance Channel.

Although other cable networks may sign on, some have declined to participate.

The ESPN sports networks - ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN Classic and ESPNews - will stick with regular programming. ``Sports has resumed and we're trying to get back to some degree of normalcy, putting it back in its proper context,'' spokesman Chris LaPlaca said.

Nickelodeon, which airs children's programming regularly through 10 p.m. on Fridays, and The Disney Channel are also not taking the telethon.

CNN plans to show parts of the program, and Fox News Channel will cover it as a news event. MSNBC has not decided what to do. Although HBO is showing the telethon, its sister channel Cinemax is not.

Friday Telethon

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TV Telethon

Just Added


Pop star Mariah Carey is slated to appear Friday on a multi-network broadcast telethon for victims of last week's devastating attacks and perform for the first time since she suffered a nervous breakdown this summer, organizers said.

Carey, who was hospitalized for a mental and physical breakdown in July and suffered a relapse in September, is expected to sing the popular song ``Hero'' on the star-studded tribute program, a publicist for Virgin Records said.

Carey's first public appearance since her first breakdown in July will be at a Los Angeles charity screening of her upcoming movie, ``Glitter,'' for the Make-a-Wish Foundation, but she will not sing there, her label said.

Mariah Carey

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Who's Going to Hell This Week?

bloodbar

by Helen A. Handbasket

Helen


You never know who’s going to trade their soul away or what they’re going to get for it unless you’re Helen A. Handbasket, ex-executive chief in charge of operations for the burning flames of hellfire. Who are her sources? Wouldn’t you like to know? Sorry, all communications are confidential and the property of Helen A. Handbasket, whose opinions do not necessarily reflect those of this or any other publication.
 
 
WHO’S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK?


9/19/01

I go away for a week and look what happens. Sorry I've been gone so long but Satan hired me back. Yeah, he knows what I've been up to above ground, betraying his confidence by telling the world of his dealings with politics and show biz. He doesn't care. He's willing to forgive and forget. It's precisely the expertise I displayed in hacking into his system behind his back that made him realize I was the only one for the job.

What job? Satan's angry. Real angry. Someone screwed him. Screwed him real bad. He didn't know anything about 9/11. Not a thing. He's always in the dark, but this time he was REALLY in the dark. How could someone have pulled this off without his participation? That's my mandate. I'm Satan's undercover P.I. trying to find out how this was done behind his back, and for the first time I've got total access. Free run of hell with all the amenities. So I've been busy.

My first suspects were a group of men who all arrived in hell on the morning of 9/11. I've spent the last week going through the paperwork and it's a mess. They're from all over the place and seem to be here for different reasons. The only thing they have in common is that their appearance coincides precisely with certain earthly events. We believe the ringleader isn't here, so I've been keeping my eye on them and conducting interviews to try to find out where he is. Just today I brought them all together for the first time. Here's how it went.

HELEN: What were you doing on the morning of 9/11?

SUSPECT #1: Fuck this, man, where are my 77 virgins? I got a hard-on that won't quit.

HELEN: Standard operational procedure. First thousand years, all souls get a hard-on that won't quit.

SUSPECT #2: You must be shitting me! I must get rid of this. It's starting to hurt

SUSPECT #3: I tried lubricating the holy salami but nothing would work.

HELEN: There are no lubricants in hell.

SUSPECT #1: Hell? What the hell are we doing in hell?

SUSPECT #3: Yeah, that wasn't part of the deal.

SUSPECT #1: Fuck this, man, where are my 77 virgins?

SUSPECT #2: Shut up you idiot. Don't you get it? We've been screwed.

SUSPECT #3: What do you mean?

SUSPECT #2: Look around, you moron. Does this look like paradise?:

SUSPECT #3: No, it looks like an office building.

HELEN: Okay, let me make one thing perfectly clear. This is hell. You're in hell and there's no way out unless it's through me, got it? I'm your only contact with the outside world and as soon as this meeting is closed, it's back to the pits.

SUSPECT #2: Oh no, please, not the pits.

SUSPECT #3: Don't send me back to the pits. Not with this hard-on.

SUSPECT #1: You call that a hard-on? I thought it was a baby carrot.

HELEN: There are no baby carrots in hell.

SUSPECT #1: Damn, I love baby carrots.

SUSPECT #3: Shut up. Baby carrots are the least of our problems except for this one in my lap that I can't get rid of.

SUSPECT #1: I don't understand. Where are my 77 virgins?

SUSPECT #2: Look around, nincompoop, there are no virgins.

HELEN: Strictly speaking that's incorrect. There are plenty of virgins in hell.

SUSPECT #1: Then bring them to me. Why is no one bringing virgins to me?

SUSPECT #2: Because we're in hell, humus for brains. Your virgins are waiting for you in paradise.

HELEN: Strictly speaking that's incorrect. There are no virgins in paradise.

SUSPECT #1: Then where are my virgins? I must have virgins. Don't you understand? Why do you not bring them to me?

HELEN: You want me to give you 77 virgins?

SUSPECT#1: 76? 75? One! Just bring me ONE virgin and I will be satisfied.

HELEN: Okay, let me make one more thing perfectly clear. Nobody gets a virgin unless I'm happy, and right now I'm really pissed off.

At this point I got up and left the room as it was soon to fill with lava. Gotta show these bastards who's boss. The interrogation will continue soon. Meanwhile, I've got work to do You don't want to keep Satan waiting.


Personal to George W. Bush: Thanks a lot.

Personal to George Bush: Thanks a lot.


ARITHMETIC FROM HELL

1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1 times 10 = WAR.


QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Wanted - Dead or Alive"
- George W. Bush -


"I got your Jihad right here."
- anonymous New Yorker -


"A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it."
- Alistair Cooke -



COUNTRY SONG FROM HELL

THE ANCHOR

I loved you like a building
Like a monument in time
We had a strong foundation
Yes, our words would always rhyme
You gave me love and comfort
And a cause to stand and cheer
But now I know how long it takes to go from love to fear


A hundred thousand questions
I don't know why people die
And why would anybody want to make Dan Rather cry?
Why would anybody want to make Dan Rather cry?


I wish I could erase a certain image from my head
The world is full of shadows where I do not want to tread
I've something to feel thankful for
That's somewhat hard to bare
Every day I stop and just thank God I wasn't there


A hundred thousand questions
I don't know why people die
And why would anybody want to make Dan Rather cry?
Why would anybody want to make Dan Rather cry?



Michael Dare
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TV News

Bill Maher, FedEx & Sears


FedEx Corp. and Sears pulled out as "Politically Incorrect" sponsors after host Bill Maher called past U.S. military actions "cowardly."

Maher said Wednesday his comments were aimed at political leaders, not soldiers, and he defended his right to offer criticism in difficult times.

"I should have been more specific," Maher said. "I never meant to imply nor have I ever thought that our actual servicemen are cowardly. ... It's our government, it's our politicians, who have been cowardly in not letting the military do their job."

"If we don't face our problems realistically, we won't overcome them," the TV talk show host added in a phone interview.

FedEx reviewed the ABC show's Monday edition after receiving complaints, spokeswoman Carla Richards said. The company's 30-second spot, which aired during the show, has been pulled indefinitely.

Retailer Sears, Roebuck and Co. also said Wednesday it canceled its advertising on the show after customer complaints.

Maher said some of his critics were willfully misrepresenting his remarks.

"I understand people have a lot of anger and hate. They should direct it toward the terrorists and not me," he said. "It's amazing that I should have to point out I find (the attacks) despicably evil."

ABC issued a statement supporting Maher.

Bill Maher

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Fun Link

Oh, Go Ahead!


BC 'Sanitized'

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New! Updated!

BartCop Astrology


Check it out at BC Astrology.

"Guitar Greats" has been set aside for now, and replaced with an astrological look at the WTC Tragedy using various, relevant horoscopes, including charts for Manhattan and the US.

Very interesting reading!

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Film News

'2001' in 70 mm


For the first time since its 1968 debut, ``2001: A Space Odyssey'' will be released in theaters for a limited 70mm run, Warner Bros. said Wednesday.

Seattle's Cinerama will start screenings of the digitally restored Stanley Kubrick classic Oct. 5, with December dates set for L.A.'s Egyptian Theatre, San Francisco's Castro and the Uptown in Washington, D.C.

The restored print of ``2001'' also was made available on DVD this summer as part of the boxed set of Kubrick's films.

'2001'


Remember, there is a degree of timing necessary for the maximum viewing enjoyment of this film.
Hmmmmmm---time to go look for a good brownie recipe.

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Music News

'God Bless America'


The simple melody of "God Bless America," first written by Irving Berlin in 1918 as a Broadway show tune, has been outperforming the national anthem this week, wherever citizens and untrained singers gather to express their patriotic feelings.

From the steps of the Capitol to the stages of Broadway, from the National Cathedral and even the balcony of the New York Stock Exchange, Americans have chosen a song that many learned as toddlers and still remember the best.

The national anthem has also made an emotional comeback on the airwaves, as radio stations resurrect a version recorded by Whitney Houston during the Gulf War.

The Irving Berlin song, which was first recorded by Kate Smith for CBS radio in 1938 as the clouds of war hovered over Europe, was also sung yesterday at the reopening of the New York Stock Exchange, where Rose-Ann Sgrignoli, a 39-year-old major in the Marine Corps, found herself, to her surprise, leading a chorus of Wall Street traders, corporate executives and politicians.

Irving Berlin, who was born in eastern Russia and immigrated to the United States when he was 5, originally wrote "God Bless America" for "Yip, Yip Yaphank," a Ziegfeld- style comedy, in 1918. But in the end, he pulled the song, figuring it was a bit too solemn for the show's finale. "It seemed painting the lily to have the soldiers go out signing `God Bless America,' " he wrote later.

Berlin, who donated all royalties from the song to the Boy Scouts and the Girl Scouts, often said it was the most important song he ever wrote.

'God Bless America'

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New!

In The Kitchen With BartCop & Friends

bartcook

Don't worry about the HTML, just send text, or rich text, or a Word document, photos, video, whatever you have, and Michele will take care of the rest. Don't hesitate to write with any questions you may have and bring on the recipes!

To check out 'Train Station Chicken', and more (like 'Dump Cake' & Peach Cobbler),
In The Kitchen With BartCop

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Music News

The Artist Formerly Known As...


The recording artist formerly known as Cat Stevens says "no right-thinking follower of Islam could possibly condone" the terrorist attacks on America.

Yusuf Islam posted a message on his Web site saying, "I wish to express my heartfelt horror at the indiscriminate terrorist attacks committed against innocent people of the United States."

Stevens recorded such classic hits as "Peace Train," "Morning Has Broken" and "Moon Shadow" before converting to the Islamic faith in 1977.

He retired from the music business in 1978.

Yusuf Islam

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TV News

Sopranos


A judge on Wednesday dismissed a lawsuit filed by an Italian-American organization that accused the makers of the HBO television series ``The Sopranos'' of offending Italian-Americans by depicting them as mobsters.

The American Italian Defense Association sued Time Warner Entertainment Co. under the ``individual dignity'' clause of the Illinois Constitution.

The group didn't want money or the cable show's cancellation, but a declaration from a jury that the show offends the dignity of Italian-Americans, attorney Ted Grippo, who represented the association, had said.

Tom Yannucci, a lawyer representing Time Warner, had argued that viewers wouldn't assume from watching the show that all Italian-Americans are mobsters or morally corrupt.

He was pleased with the decision to throw out the lawsuit.

Ciao, Bambino

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BartCop TV Is Here!

BC TV

Visit the site at BC TV

The 'Vidiot', has updated, again!

There is even more to check!

The Vidiot.

The Vidiot has been updating nearly daily!
Read all the latest.

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Disney News

flit

'Bad' Timing For 'Bad Company'


Disney's Touchstone Pictures has postponed the release date of ``Bad Company,'' an action-comedy starring Anthony Hopkins and Chris Rock, due to content issues related to last week's attacks.

The picture, directed by Joel Schumacher and produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, centers around a black-market nuclear weapon and humorous CIA hijinx.

The tentatively titled ``Bad Company,'' which originally was called ``Black Sheep,'' had been slated for wide release sometime in December, possibly at Christmas. It now has been pushed to an unspecified 2002 release date.

A source close to Bruckheimer Films said that prior to last week's events, Schumacher had intended to make certain changes to ``Bad Company'' before its year-end bow, but in light of the national crisis, the filmmakers were ``looking at the movie with new eyes'' and decided it would ``not be appropriate for a Christmas release.''

In a statement released Wednesday, Disney confirmed the film had been pushed back ``due to the national tragedy,'' and said it will be released next year but did not specify when. Sources indicated the new date is likely to be decided once the studio knows how the Bush administration will react to the attacks.

'Bad Company'

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More Disney News

flit

Disney Donation


The Walt Disney Co. said it will give $5 million to a survivor relief fund for organizations aiding victims and their families of the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon.

In a statement issued late Monday, Disney said the money is in addition to individual employee donations that are made.

Local events in southern California and around the country, sponsored in part by Disney employees and various business units, have raised over $1 million to aid in the relief effort, Disney said.

disney donates

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TV News

Rosie & The Red Cross


Rosie O'Donnell has donated $1 million to the American Red Cross to help victims of last week's terrorist attacks.

The talk show host made the donation from her personal account - not from her charity, The For All Kids Foundation - the day after the Sept. 11 attacks in New York and Washington.

Rosie

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Another Big Donor

Jim Carrey


Actor-comedian Jim Carrey plans to donate $1 million to the families of those killed or missing in last week's devastating attacks on America, his publicist said Wednesday.

A statement said Carrey, one of the highest-paid performers in Hollywood, was making his donation victims' families ``with his deepest sympathy for their unredeemable personal losses. He hopes this donation encourages other people to contribute as generously as they can.''

The Canadian-born Carrey is the latest celebrity joining efforts to raise money for victims of four hijackings last Tuesday in which jetliners were crashed into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and a field in western Pennsylvania. He will also be one of scores of stars taking part in a two-hour telethon Friday to be simulcast by the four major broadcast networks.



Jim Carrey

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TV News

Regis On Dave


For Regis Philbin, last week's attack struck close to home.

His son was in the Pentagon and on the telephone with his famous dad when one of the hijacked airliners struck the building.

Philbin went public with the story for the first time Monday night on David Letterman's "Late Show" on CBS.

The suggestion came when Philbin was praising Letterman for coming back on the air.

"Do you think Kathie Lee will come back?" Letterman said.

"Now there is somebody who could end this in a hurry!" replied an enthused Philbin.

"You want a quick end to this? Send Kathie Lee over there!"

Regis On Dave

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In The News

Woody Allen


American director Woody Allen said Wednesday the attacks on New York and Washington had united his country behind President Bush, but hoped any military response would be measured.

Allen, in Munich to promote his latest film ``Curse of the Jade Scorpion,'' said it was important to root out the causes of the hatred that led to the suicide attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon that left more than 5,000 people dead.

Allen said he and many other New Yorkers had long been expecting some sort of guerrilla attack on the city. ``Most thought there would be some sort of bomb attack in the subway,'' he said. ``But not something like this. We used to make jokes about it. I even made jokes about it.''

woody allen

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First Person Diary

Ray Berry


Ray has (temporarily, I hope) suspended 'Bush-Toons'. In its place, he has put his daily diary of life in Manhattan since Tuesday.

Ray has great observational abilities, a way with words, and has still been able to keep his sense of humor.

To visit & read, www.bush-toons.com

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Music News

More Elton John


British pop legend Elton John said he would not go straight for anything and talked about how much he enjoyed his lifestyle in an interview with the German magazine Amica published Wednesday.

``I am gay and wouldn't want to be heterosexual for all the money in the world,'' he said.

``I've got enough money, don't have to follow any rules, don't have to be in the office from nine to five and take the kids to school in the morning.

``It is simply a fantastic life when you don't have any parameters,'' he said. ``It's brilliant.''

John's new album ``Songs from the West Coast'' will be released next month.

Elton John

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American Air

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Unity Ribbon

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Still MISSING


Over Vitebsk

Marc Chagall's "Study for 'Over Vitebsk'"

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Welcome !


You have reached the Home page of BartCop Entertainment.
Make yourself home, take your shoes off...
Go ahead, scratch it if it itches.

The idea is to have fun.

Do you have something to say?
Anything that increased your blood pressure, or, even better, amused or entertained?
Use your words to inform the rest of us.

Do you have a great album no one's heard?
How about a favorite TV show, movie, book, play, cartoon, or legal amusement?
A popular artist that just plain pisses you off (Britny and 'N Sync don't count, they piss off EVERYONE)?
A box set the whole world should own?
Vile, filthy rumors about Republican musicians?
Just plain vile, filthy rumors?
A picture of yourself clad only in panties and sitting on Tony Robbins's lap?
This is your place.

Send it to Marty
( SuprmChaos@yahoo.com )

Don't send it to BC....



Or send it to this Marty
( SuprmChaos@aol.com )

Please, don't send it to BC!



Or send it to this Marty
( SuprmChaos@hotmail.com )
Please, Do NOT send it to BC!


Thank you

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